Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction

Dr. Rob and Tami answer participant questions about boundaries, chronic betrayal, and recovery timelines. They address the pregnant partner, the betrayed spouse with an STD, and the mother of teens who wants to keep her children from following down the path of addiction and betrayal. TAKEAWAYS: [1:30] Can ketamine EMDR help my betrayed wife? [7:10] I'm pregnant. Should I stop checking in on his recovery? [14:35] Boundaries are set to keep you safe. [16:58] Why should he stop acting out when it has increased the intensity of our sex life? [24:09] Can an addict like me actually come out of this on the other side? [34:10] Am I really the victim? [36:52] How can I build trust after chronic betrayal? [40:26] He acted out in my one deal-breaker way. Now what? [47:30] How do couples recovery from sexual betrayal and compromised health? [50:48] How can I talk to my boys so they don't go down the same path as their father? RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES "He should be showing you with his actions when his recovery is solid." "He's going to do what he's going to do whether you ask or you don't." "You have to do what you need to do to take care of you regardless of what he does." "Addicts are always either moving forward in recovery or sliding back."

Chelsey Brooke Cole and Tami discuss narcissistic personality structure and how to identify if someone is a narcissist. They consider myths of narcissism, the narcissistic cycle and how hoovering shows up, and the look and feel of various narcissistic types. They then answer participant questions about narcissist behavior, options for healing, and a realistic look at a future in a partnership with a narcissist. TAKEAWAYS: [1:20] Hoovering and other narcissistic buzzwords. [3:58] Chelsey's personal experience with narcissism. [5:01] Debunking common myths about narcissism. [9:20] Typical behavoirs of a narcissist. [13:20] The defense mechanisms for the insecure, fragile ego of a narcissist. [19:53] Characteristics of the six types of narcissists. [25:05] Sex addiction and the narcissist. [31:57] The narcissistic cycle of abuse, including hoovering. [37:49] What triggers the Hoover phase? [48:37] What happens if you decide to stay? [49:45] Are there drawbacks to seeking a narcissist diagnosis? [51:27] How can you gray rock a narcissist so they don't get escalation tactics? [53:02] Is it a bad idea to point out narcissistic tendencies in your partner? [54:09] Is narcissism treatable? [56:17] Does my partner's behavior indicate narcissism? [58:10] Do narcissists know what they are doing? [1:00:21] What is the best approach to address the abuse of narcissistic traits used to self-protect and control? [1:02:03] Can a narcissist develop empathy for their partner, and what does treatment involve? [1:04:31] Is narcissism a mental health condition? RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES "Narcissism is not a diagnosis, it's a personality style and trait." "All narcissists, even the ones who will self-report having high self esteem, are subconsciously insecure pathologically." "Narcissistic abuse is like being in the middle of a tornado but not knowing it's a tornado." "Feeling desperate is not the same as being accountable." "Real accountability ends with you, Hoover statements always end with them."

Dr. Eddie Capparucci and Tami explore the uncomfortable truths of emotional regulation, the importance of sitting with emotional discomfort, and realistic expectations for betrayal addicts and their partners to see improvements in their relationship. They then answer listener questions about emotional regulation techniques, timeframes, and the motivation behind seeking to be an emotionally regulated partner in a relationship. TAKEAWAYS: [1:33] The hard truth of staying emotionally present. [4:34] Roadblocks to developing emotional leadership. [7:08] What emotional leadership isn't. [10:29] What emotional leadership is. [18:30] Your partner is seeking safety, not explanations. [20:33] Dialogue for emotionally stable conversations. [22:35] The role of healthy conflict in healing. [28:19] "You are asking a lot of the betrayed partner." [33:32] The person in pain and grief never gets to take a timeout from the nightmare. Why should their partner? [35:17] Is this a slip or relapse? [38:36] How can I better manage my emotions in the moment? [40:20] How long should recovery work take? [43:02] How can I correct after I become disregulated? [45:43] How long will it take to feel confident and see results in my relationship? [47:40] My partner ran away, how long should I give him to process? [49:58] Body language recommendations. [53:47] How do I know if emotional regulation techniques are working for me? RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES "You cannot establish emotional leadership if you can't emotionally regulate yourself." "Emotional leadership is not about winning. It's about the way you handle emotional distress when things become uncomfortable." "Safety, not explanations, is what your partner's nervous system is seeking in order to regulate." "You can be factually correct and absent at the same time." "Demonstrating emotional leadership is not a one-time performance."

Dr. Skip Speer and Tami talk about doomscrolling and hopescrolling, the features of each, and how to tailor your algorithm to lift you up at every stage of recovery. They then answer participant questions about sex addiction, including narcissism, gaslighting, and therapist obligations as mandatory reporters. TAKEAWAYS: [1:49] Doomscrolling versus hopescrolling – how to engage in what serves you. [7:01] Using your phone to numb out? Try this instead. [8:50] What is the difference between a CSAT and a regular therapist? [13:25] Do we really need a couples therapist? [20:24] The importance of accountability in therapy. [26:57] Programs for sex addiction with narcissistic traits. [37:25] The danger of denial in recovery. [41:03] Dealing with a sex offender changes the recovery game. [44:49] Key differences between narcissism and sociopathic behaviors. [46:45] How can I financially separate myself from my betraying partner? [50:05] My partner is looking at underage porn. Should I report him? [54:33] Is the term 'gaslighting' used too loosely? [56:30] What are the obligations of a mandatory reporter? [58:30] What is the likelihood that underage porn addicts will ever ask for help if they know they will be reported? RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES "It feels better to comfort than confront, but at the end of the day, recovering addicts need accountability." "In real recovery, we're looking for anything that is problematic or helping us escape in unhealthy ways." "You know what your partner is not willing to do. So what are you willing to do?"

Dr. Jessica Lamar, Licensed Mental Health Therapist, explores unseen wounds and understanding disenfranchised grief and betrayal trauma. What is disenfranchised grief, and why does it matter? Dr. Lamar overs betrayal trauma, emotional and psychological impact, healing, and support strategies. She and Tami then answer participant questions about grief and boundaries, conversations and resources that are available to help navigate grief. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Intro. [2:58] Defining ambiguous loss – am I even in grief? [4:40] Disenfranchised grief is a loss that is not openly acknowledged, socially validated or publicly mourned. [6:02] Examples of disenfranchised grief as it relates to betrayal trauma. [11:30] Ambiguous losses that are associated with betrayal trauma. [13:56] When betrayal occurs, the resulting grief is often disenfranchised. [15:47] Statements that are commonly heard in disenfranchised grief. [18:36] The psychological and emotional impact of disenfranchised grief. [24:12] Strategies for empowering ourselves after loss. [27:34] Common ways we invalidate grief after betrayal. [29:45] How can I validate myself in my grief? [37:04] Interventions to help navigate disenfranchised grief. [41:35] What resources are available to better understand and process grief. [44:20] What dialog can we use to better communicate with extended family members who will not allow space for grief? [47:35] How can I navigate anticipatory grief when I don't know what is actually going to happen? [48:55] How can I ever start dating again after betrayal? [50:49] What if the person who feels unsafe to me is a therapist? [52:28] What is appropriate to say to our adult children? RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES "When a loss isn't socially recognized, the grieving process can be isolating and difficult to navigate." "The lack of validation can make the pain even more isolating." "When we are alone with our betrayal trauma and our grief, we can start to invalidate our own feelings." "Navigating disenfranchised grief and betrayal trauma requires real, intentional effort to heal." "No one has the right to tell people what is or isn't a loss."

On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Scott Brassart discusses resilience and healthy coping mechanisms for both addicts and betrayed partners. He and Tami then answer participant questions about handling triggers, understanding big emotions, and addressing supercharged manifestations of shame. TAKEAWAYS: [1:10] Resilience and healthy coping mechanisms for everyone. [3:16] 5 practices to build resilience, from happiness to obstacle immunity and staying present. [11:20] Tools that can help with building resilience. [15:30] The 3-second rule for sex addicts. [19:30] The key difference between happy people and the rest of us. [28:50] Handling triggers like kindergarteners handle fire drills. [35:00] Understanding the emotions beneath the anger. [44:01] Blaming others is the easiest form of denial. [48:32] Manifestations of shame. [54:00] Good things can happen if you're willing to do the work. [55:39] How can I address my supercharged emotions? [1:00:41] Stop problematic behavior, then address the underlying issues. RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES ● "Resilience is not a tool we are born with, it's a skill we can learn." ● "Of all the tools I've given you, gratitude is the most powerful." ● "Healthy coping skills and resiliency are inextricably linked." ● "Practice using these tools when you're safe, use them when you're not." ● "Big emotions rarely address the underlying emotion."

On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Dan Drake, Matthew Raabsmith, and Joanna Raabsmith present "Building True Intimacy: A Roadmap to Relational Restoration After Sexual Betrayal." Together they consider how couples can effectively and efficiently move from betrayal and discovery to healing and connection, based on their book Building True Intimacy. They then answer participant questions about recovery, disclosure, and lasting healing. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Introducing Dan Drake, Matthew Raabsmith and Joanna Raabsmith. [3:23] How do couples heal after betrayal and disclosure? [5:30] Five key components to restoring intimacy, starting with awareness, authenticity and assertiveness. [9:16] The power of a foundation of honesty and safety. [17:32] Regulation and relational safety must be prioritized by the betrayer. [20:30] Stepping into trust and commitment following betrayed. [27:13] The value of inviting trusted people into your healing journey. [31:10] The hallmarks of empathy and vulnerability. [35:10] Creating community with other betrayed couples. [36:28] Reintroducing intimacy after betrayal. [44:55] When does a couple start to feel like they are on the same team? [49:24] The V.A.S.E. framework. [51:30] How can the betrayed partner move toward trust after regression? [56:08] My partner wants to move along without rebuilding. How can we heal? [58:48] Can we successfully recover without disclosure or restoration? RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES ● "Am I aware of the direction I'm heading based on the choices I'm making every day in my life?" ● "When I say my values are one thing and I live my life in a different way, I am not showing up authentically." ● "If we don't have a foundation of honesty, we don't have anything to build on." ● "The ability to be present will move us back into the partnership phase of the next level of healing." ● "You have to have vulnerability if you're going to rebuild intimacy in a relationship." ● "What kind of recovery do you want in your life whether or not your marriage makes it?"

Angela Spearman, CSAT describes "globalized mistrust" as the tsunami of impact on betrayed partners after discovery. But what are the core thoughts and fears underlying and maintaining that tsunami once it gets going? Together with Tami she addresses strategies for dealing with uncertainty, then answers participant questions about betrayal, boundaries, and triggers and more. TAKEAWAYS: [2:09] The catalyst for the existential experience and global mistrust. [5:20] Common questions from the betrayed partner (and what they really mean). [7:27] Reshaping existential questions to encourage healing. [11:10] The negative impact of rigid thinking. [17:45] Complex and overwhelming realities in the world. [21:00] Flexible thinking as a strategy for hope against cynicism. [25:32] 3-step strategy for dealing with uncertainty. [32:17] Processing the things you can't control. [36:40] I'm spiraling through my shame and I can't support my wife either. Now what? [42:18] How can I convey my boundaries to my partner? [47:16] Why did my husband act out in the first place? [51:26] How can I support my betrayed partner when she no longer wants my support? [53:29] How do I navigate communication issues due to trauma? [55:47] Why would I ever rebuild a relationship with someone so despicable? [59:03] Is my recovery work creating more triggers? [1:01:08] How does one get the betrayer to stop playing the victim? [1:04:01] How can I move past feelings of injustice of stolen time and feeling used? [1:06:28] How do I protect myself from being reinjured until I decide whether to leave? RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES "In any type of crisis that you go through, you're going to start asking some of these existential questions." "We start with a fact and then start forming beliefs and expectations based on things we've experienced in the past." "When we stop and pay attention to what our thoughts really look like, it can help us feel more empowered." "Hope is energizing. It empowers you." "There may never be a good enough answer."

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Seeking Integrity Clinical Director Erin Snow and Tami consider the reasons that a betraying partner may refuse to admit their shame, whether it's worth waiting a few more days to see if a partner is going to start respecting boundaries, and how to respond to a partner's enmeshment, lying, and childhood trauma. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] How can we get the recovery support we need two years after disclosure? [6:19] What is too soon for couples therapy? [9:30] Why does my partner always walk in front of me? [13:43] Should I wait 30 more days for my betrayer to start respecting my boundaries? [19:24] Why are so many sex addicts enmeshed with a parent? [23:35] My therapist can't believe I want to stay with my partner. Now what? [31:38] How can I hold space for my partner's wounds and trauma? [38:03] How do I handle my partner's incomplete information about his betrayal? [45:35] How can I understand my partner's childhood trauma and patterns of withdrawal? [49:36] Why can't my partner stop lovebombing me? [53:50] My partner is a sex and love addict, what does limerance mean? [57:10] "I don't hate myself" – does my partner feel any shame? RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES "When both partners are stabilized in their own healing journeys, couples therapy is that much more effective." "Your partner just wants to walk next to you in life." "Are the actions you're taking allowing me to move closer to you or forcing me to move further away from you?" "Choosing to stay in a relationship or choosing to go is something that only you deal with every day." "Addiction doesn't thrive in honesty. It has to thrive in lying."

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Tami and CSAT Jon Taylor consider the implications of two-person psychology and how cheating and betrayal never affect just one person. Jon shares common early recovery mantras as they apply to the two-person psychology filter, then answers listener questions about lying, sobriety, and disclosure. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Mantras for early recovery in the two-person psychology filter. [3:06] "Focus on your side of the street." [6:01] Living with uncertainty in your relationship - "He will relapse if he's going to relapse." [9:15] Whatever you put in front of recovery, you will lose. [14:08] Does your partner need to tell you everything? [20:09] "All addicts are…" The danger of broad sweeping statements. [24:15] "Sobriety will solve all relationship problems." [29:32] How can I overcome my fear of full disclosure? [34:55] Should I move out because my partner is uncertain about my recovery? [39:15] "Don't go to the hareware store looking for bread." [42:45] My husband altered his disclosure after his lie detector results came in. How can I ever trust him? [45:57] How much of the past should we spend our time discussing? [49:12] Are lies of omission typical of addicts? RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES "You don't quite get the whole picture of healing, change and recovery if you're not thinking in terms of two-person systems." "What happens on one side of the street affects the other side too." "He will relapse if he's going to relapse." "Each partner should be able to explain in simple terms why or why not something should be discussed." "Living with intention can only be achieved by two people working on a relationship and constructing it in a co-equal way." "Sobriety is a prerequisite to building a healthy relationship, but it is not the mechanism that a healthy relationship is built with." "It doesn't have to feel good every step of the way to get a good outcome." "You can't have serious safety and security in a relationship if you don't take it seriously."

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Dr. Rob and Tami address the facts about forgiveness, trust, connection and peace, both in the early days of recovery as well as years down the road. They offer strategies for effective in-house separation, call out the warning signs of gaslighting, and get serious about setting feelings aside to start facing the facts. TAKEAWAYS: [1:30] How can I find an accountability partner for filtering software? [7:20] Is it a slip or a relapse? [9:20] What are appropriate time frames and factors for recovery? [14:45] Healing, peace and connection after betrayal. [19:21] How can I intimately connect with my spouse after my betrayal? [25:47] I caught my husband in the middle of his lies. Now what? [33:24] Are there options for inpatient treatment for betrayed partners? [38:20] Strategies for effective in-house separation. [39:45] My husband wants to leave to find external validation, I want him to stay. What do I do? [44:53] Is my betraying partner gaslighting me through recovery too? [50:19] Is it normal for the betraying spouse to be terrified of formal disclosure? [54:17] How can we stay together without trust? [58:15] It's been 5 years since D-day and I'm finally ready to move out. How can I stay strong in my decision? RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES "Life is full of triggers. What is it that you're going to do about your triggers?" "You will never trust in the same way again. But to be at peace is a whole different thing." "Intimacy is revealing yourself emotionally, and ultimately, sexually as well." "Honesty is the crux of recovery. You cannot be in recovery and constantly lying about everything." "Feelings aren't facts. In recovery, your feelings are less relevant than the facts of what you're going through."

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami answer participant questions about sex, intimacy, addiction, betrayal, and more. They offer resources for therapeutic separation, communication at every stage of recovery and reconciliation, and tools for practicing empathy with betrayed partners. TAKEAWAYS: [:24] Does my partner need to see a psychoanalyst first to get honest about his past? [4:28] What resources are available for communication building in the later stages of recovery and reconciliation? [9:17] How can I work to regain trust after recent relapses? [13:35] How do I start the amends process with my betrayed spouse? [17:43] Why do betrayers have to go to Porn Addiction 101 through Seeking Integrity? [22:10] How can I handle my ex's new girlfriend joining the family? [24:30] What does loving detachment really look like? [30:51] Can addicts and their partners heal outside the therapeutic setting? [34:20] What is the correlation between sex addiction and OCD? [36:41] How can I feel safe even though I have forgiven my partner? [41:05] What tools can an addict use to practice empathy with their partner? [42:25] What resources are available to get CSAT couples on the same page regarding key terms? [47:00] My partner's blameshifting and defensiveness is escalating in therapeutic separation, what should I do next? RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES "Stop the problematic behavior first, then address the underlying issues." "I'm never in the later stages of recovery. Recovery is something I will do for my whole life." "Your living amends happens when you act differently." "If the worst thing happens, what are you going to do to take care of you?"

Dr. Rob and Tami answer participant questions about rebuilding trust through intimate conversations, ideas for setting healthy boundaries after betrayal, and the danger of an addict swearing that they're done acting out for the rest of their life. TAKEAWAYS: [1:15] Current and upcoming resources at Seeking Integrity. [3:20] Do sponsees pay upfront or make monthly payments? [4:45] Are there agnostic 12 Step programs? [8:22] Ideas for connection activities that rebuild trust? [16:01] My husband is attending groups to placate me but is not participating. Is this normal? [20:04] Setting healthy boundaries after betrayal. [21:35] What are the statistics surrounding porn sobriety? [24:15] The danger of swearing that you'll never act out ever again. [31:39] You are the only person that can take care of you. [33:30] Don't believe an addict when they are love-bombing you. [36:41] Are 30% of men on dating sites really already married? [40:32] Recommended sources for healing the shame of my partner's betrayal? [49:52] Is there a way to engage in self sexuality that would not be considered acting out? [53:40] What is the recommended protocol for moving through fallout from a therapeutic disclosure? RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES "When people come together and try to support each other and find a way to heal as a group, to me, that is a spiritual experience." "To understand what I'm going through and really listen to me, that is intimacy." "The only thing I can guarantee is that I'm consistently working on this and I'm committed to it." "You are the only person that can take care of you."