Psychologists Off the Clock

We’ve all been there: you’re scrolling through your feed, watching someone bake sourdough from scratch in a pristine linen dress, and suddenly your own life feels incredibly messy and chaotic. In this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, Debbie and Emily are pulling back the curtain on the hyper-curated worlds of social media influencers, reality TV, and the massive "tradwife" trend.Grab your headphones and get ready for a much-needed reality check on why we need to be way more skeptical of what we see on our screens.Listen and Learn: What happened when Debbie fell down a Ballerina Farm rabbit holeHow glamorous images of the past conveniently leave out the harsh realities of history, like poverty, oppression, and environmental harmHow reality shows feed us false ideals, driving us into a spiral of social comparison and reinforcing toxic, patriarchal beauty standardsWhy chasing these unrealistic lifestyles actually hurts our well-beingThe rise of fear-based pseudoscience, MLMs, and totally unqualified "mental health influencers" who are just looking for clicksResources: Debbie’s recent Substack post on Tradwife Influencers: https://open.substack.com/pub/drdebbiesorensen/p/trad-wife-influencers-reflectionsThe critique Debbie mentioned about how making cereal from scratch is a leisure class activity: https://www.tiktok.com/@professorneil/video/7339254814578150661 Maintenance Phase podcast: https://www.maintenancephase.com/ The Dream podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xc28XHKS2jYAbout Debbie SorensenDebbie (she/her) is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Denver, Colorado with a bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Anthropology from the University of Colorado, Boulder, and a Ph.D. in Psychology from Harvard University. She is author of the book ACT for Burnout: Recharge, Reconnect, and Transform Burnout with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and co-author of ACT Daily Journal: Get Unstuck and Live Fully with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. She loves living in Colorado, her home state, with her husband, two daughters, and dog. When she’s not busy working or podcasting, she enjoys reading fiction, cooking, traveling, and getting outdoors in the beautiful Rocky Mountains! You can learn more about Debbie, read her blog, and find out about upcoming presentations and training events at her webpage, drdebbiesorensen.com.About Emily EdlynnEmily (she/her) is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in pediatric health psychology who works in private practice with children, teens, and adults. She has a BA in English from Smith College, a PhD in clinical psychology from Loyola University Chicago, and completed postgraduate training at Stanford and Children’s Hospital Orange County. Emily spent almost ten years working in children’s hospitals before pivoting to private practice, which allowed her to start a writing career. Emily has written her blog, The Art and Science of Mom, since 2017 and a parenting advice column for Parents.com since 2019. Emily’s writing has also appeared in the Washington Post, Scary Mommy, Good Housekeeping, Motherly, and more. She recently added author to her bio with her book, Autonomy-Supportive Parenting: Reduce Parental Burnout and Raise Competent Confident Children and has a Substack newsletter. Emily lives with her husband, three children, and two rescue dogs in Oak Park, IL where she can see Chicago’s skyline from her attic window.    Related Episodes: 295. Buyer Beware: Pseudoscience and the Wellness Industry, featuring Pooja Lakshmin 390. Raising Empowered Girls in a Sexist World with Jo-Ann Finkelstein 311. Nobody’s Fool with Daniel Simons and Christopher Chabris – Psychologists Off the Clock307. Navigating Social Media As a Parent with Cara Goodwin 433. Rethinking Screens and Video Games with Ash Brandin 382. The Anxious Generation? The Conversation We Should Be Having About Kids, Technology, and Mental Health 429. May Contain Lies with Alex Edmans See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When a survivor speaks up, the world too often demands a 'perfect victim' before it offers belief, a painful reality that leaves many wondering if their truth will ever be enough. In this episode with Deborah Tuerkheimer, author of Credible: Why We Doubt Accusers and Protect Abusers, we hear about the “credibility complex,” including credibility discount and credibility inflation, rape myths, the “perfect victim” and “monster abuser” archetypes, and how victim-blaming and disbelief are reinforced by culture and legal rules. You’ll also learn about underreporting, the “second assault,” trauma-informed investigation, expert testimony on trauma dynamics, and how loved ones can respond supportively when someone discloses abuse. Listen in to understand why credibility judgments are patterned and how believing, validating, and offering help can change what happens next. Listen and Learn: The credibility complex and how social power dynamics cause the credibility of marginalized individuals to be discounted while powerful individuals receive an inflated boostWhy society perpetuates rape myths and victim-blaming How the "perfect victim" myth is weaponized against survivors in the legal system How institutional disbelief and victim-blaming are systemic realities baked into the penal codeWhy cultural tropes and a deep-seated "care gap" cause society to minimize astronomical statistics, overstate the prevalence of false reports, and prioritize the futures of perpetrators over the lives of victims How the cultural myth of the "monster abuser" prevents fair credibility judgments by creating a false archetype of a deviant stranger How the justice system creates an institutional imbalance by weaponizing an accuser's personal history while shielding a perpetrator’s past behavior How physical attractiveness acts as a "Goldilocks" trap for victims' credibilityWhy true progress relies on upending a systemic culture of impunity rather than relying solely on institutional training Resources: Credible: Why We Doubt Accusers and Protect Abusers https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780063002760Deborah’s Website: https://www.deborahtuerkheimer.comAbout Deborah TuerkheimerDeborah Tuerkheimer is a professor at Northwestern University Pritzker School of Law. She earned her undergraduate degree from Harvard College and her law degree from Yale Law School. Tuerkheimer served for five years as an Assistant District Attorney in the New York County District Attorney's Office, where she specialized in domestic violence and child abuse prosecution. She teaches and writes in the areas of criminal law, evidence, and feminist legal theory. She is also the author of CREDIBLE: Why We Doubt Accusers and Protect Abusers (Harper Wave/HarperCollins).Related Episodes:19. Keeping Children Safe from Sexual Abuse with Feather Berkower84. Courageous Conversations to Prevent Childhood Sexual Abuse with Feather Berkower163. The Likeability Trap with Alicia Menendez394. Sunlight is the Best Disinfectant with Andrea Dunlop and Mike Weber399. Likable Badass with Alison Fragale421. Defy with Sunita Sah436. Consent Laid Bare with Chanel Contos448. The Power of Oversharing with Leslie JohnSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When was the last time you sparked up a conversation with a stranger and surprised yourself with how good it felt? Behavioral scientist Nicholas Epley, author of A Little More Social, returns to the podcast to discuss with Michael why we systematically underestimate how positively strangers respond, how connection supports happiness, health, and longevity, and the key mechanisms behind our social pessimism (misjudging warmth vs. competence, overlooking reciprocity, and self-fulfilling avoidance). Nicholas shares research on how quickly people update after a conversation and how fast those gains can fade, plus practical “easy choice” experiments like asking someone to take your photo or simply asking, “Can you tell me your story?” Plus, in a special post-interview discussion, listener-turned-friend of Michael’s, therapist Dr. Jennifer Kauder, joins Michael to reflect on voice vs. text, comfort-zone challenges, and why real-time connection changes everything.Listen and Learn: The surprising benefits of connecting with people you don't know, and why our minds trick us into fearing these interactions that can lengthen and enrich our livesPsychological traps that make us overly pessimistic about reaching out to others, and why we miss out on deeper, happier connections due to misplaced expectations Research on why trying to push past social awkwardness just once isn't enough, and why our brains quickly forget positive interactions Why our confidence drops right before we approach someone new, the psychology behind why starting a conversation is much easier than anticipating it, and how small mindsets can instantly dissolve social anxiety A simple, foolproof question that skips past awkward small talk, ignites genuine curiosity, and uncovers the fascinating, hidden storiesResources: A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593319543 Nicholas’ Website: https://www.nicholasepley.com/Nicholas Epley on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicholas-epley/  Michael's Confidence Course: https://herold.coach/courseRejection Proof by Jia Jiang: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780804141383 About Nicholas EpleyNicholas Epley is the John Templeton Keller Distinguished Service Professor of Behavioral Science and Director of the Roman Family Center for Decision Research, at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. He studies social cognition—how thinking people think about other thinking people—to understand why smart people so routinely misunderstand each other. He teaches an ethics and happiness course to MBA students called Designing a Good Life. His research has appeared in more than two dozen empirical journals, been featured by the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, CNN, Wired, and National Public Radio, among many others, and has been funded by the National Science Foundation and the Templeton Foundation. He has been awarded the 2008 Theoretical Innovation Award from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, the 2011 Distinguished Scientific Award for Early Career Contribution to Psychology from the American Psychological Association, the 2015 Book Prize for the Promotion of Social and Personality Science, and the 2018 Career Trajectory Award from the Society for Experimental Social Psychology. Epley was named a “professor to watch” by the Financial Times, one of the “World’s Best 40 under 40 Business School Professors” by Poets and Quants, and one of the 100 Most Influential in Business Ethics in 2015 by Ethisphere. He is the author of Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want. His new book, A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection, was published in May! (Our UK listeners will find the book titled Hello: The Unexpected Power of Choosing To Connect)Related Episodes422. Mindwise with Nicholas Epley454. Remain Calm. Confidence Ahead with Michael Herold313. ACT-Informed Exposure for Anxiety with Brian Pilecki and Brian Thompson393. Supercommunicators with Charles Duhigg360. The Laws of Connection with David RobsonSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Modern life has become a gauntlet of "dangerous weather" that frequently strips away our most basic human needs.In this episode, Emily speaks with author and strategist Stephanie Malia Kraus about her book, How We Thrive, and the essential practice of "rehumaning." Stephanie breaks down the four systemic forces, from hustle culture to addictive tech, that undermine our well-being and offers a roadmap for reclaiming play, wonder, and rest. The discussion bridges the gap between ancient Hawaiian wayfinding and modern neuroscience, highlighting the critical importance of restorative "downstates" and simple regulation tools for navigating an increasingly overstimulated world.Listen and Learn:How the Hawaiian tradition of Wayfinding teaches us to navigate a world that has "shifted on its axis" by anchoring into timeless human essentials, and influenced Stephanie's bookWhy the friction you feel in parenting isn't a personal failure, but a biological mismatch between our human nature and modern society Recognizing the four universal forces: Overtapped, Overworked, Overstimulated, and Overwrought, and understanding why feeling depleted isn't a personal failure, but a natural response to the "stormy" conditions of modern living Why our modern "social jet lag", the mismatch between our hectic schedules and our biological needs, is fueling a youth mental health crisis, and how reclaiming "human essentials" like sleep, play, and internal attunement can act as a biological superpower for both parents and teens How the practices of celebrating small wins, contributing to others, and nurturing an inborn sense of belief act as biological shields that restore our dignity and spark a protective sense of hope even in the most difficult seasons of life How "lemon squeezes", a simple technique of tensing and releasing your muscles for 20 seconds, uses the science of progressive muscle relaxation to signal safety to your nervous system and bring your body back into balance in less than a minute Resources:How We Thrive: Caring for Kids and Ourselves in a Changing World https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781071957561 https://rehumaningourlives.substack.com/https://www.rehumaning.com/Connect with Stephanie on Social Media: https://www.youtube.com/@StephanieMaliaKrausshttps://www.linkedin.com/in/stephaniemaliakrauss/https://www.instagram.com/stephaniemaliakrauss/ About Stephanie Malia KraussStephanie Malia Krauss is an author, speaker, and strategist focused on rehumaning childhood and our lives. Her newest book, How We Thrive, explores the urgent need to protect human essentials—like sleep, play, and connection—that modern life diminishes or denies. An educator and social worker who has worked from the classroom to Congress, Stephanie now advises states, districts, and national organizations on holistic approaches to preparing and caring for kids. Stephanie is the bestselling author of Whole Child, Whole Life: 10 Ways to Help Kids Live, Learn, and Thrive and Making It: What Today’s Kids Need for Tomorrow’s World. Her work has been featured by Newsweek, PBS NewsHour, Parents, and more.Related Episodes:455. The New Blueprint for Success with Ana Homayoun444. Mattering with Jennifer Wallace433. Rethinking Screens and Video Games with Ash Brandin424. Modern Anxiety with Noelle McWard Aquino414. The Disengaged Teen with Jenny Anderson and Rebecca Winthrop409. Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times with Melinda Wenner Moyer324. Toxic Achievement Culture with Jennifer WallaceSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if success isn’t about grinding toward big goals but about following curiosity through small, imperfect experiments that lead somewhere better?On Psychologist Off the Clock, award-winning neuroscientist and entrepreneur Anne-Laure Le Cunff, founder of Nest Labs and author of Tiny Experiments, shares how a health scare while working at Google helped her shift from rigid, linear goals to an experimental mindset rooted in curiosity. You’ll hear about common “cognitive scripts” (the sequel, crowd pleaser, and epic scripts), how to design tiny experiments to test beliefs without framing outcomes as failure, and how to reframe success as learning. The conversation also covers “surface area for luck,” the difference between legacy and generativity, and ends with reflections on goals, values, and meaningful community support.Listen and Learn: How Anne-Laure’s career was fueled by imposter syndrome, and led to a life-threatening wake-up call that pushed her to rethink priorities and embrace a more experimental, balanced path Why rigid, linear goals only work when everything is certain, and why it’s more effective to replace them with curiosity and experimentation Why many of your goals come from hidden “cognitive scripts,” and by questioning them, you can move from autopilot to intentional choicesDoing “tiny experiments” and observing results without judgment before deciding what to adjust or repeat Why instead of treating outcomes as success or failure, you should approach situations like small experiments, where everything that happens, especially mistakes, is just useful data for learning and adjusting The “Surface area for luck” and why the more you try new things, meet people, and put yourself in different situations, the more you increase the chances of unexpected good opportunities happening in your life Focusing on making a real-time, meaningful impact on people and communities around us through everyday acts of care and mutual supportResources: Tiny Experiments: How to Live Freely in a Goal-Obsessed World https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593715130Anne-Laure’s Website: https://anne-laure.net/Tiny Experiments: https://tinyexperiments.org/  Connect with Anne-Laure on Instagram https://instagram.com/neuranne Ness Labs Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ness_labs/?hl=en Ness Labs X: https://x.com/ness_labs Ness Labs Website: https://nesslabs.com/ Michael’s Confidence Course: Remain Calm. Confidence Ahead http://herold.coach/course About Anne-Laure Le CunffAnne-Laure Le Cunff is an award-winning neuroscientist and entrepreneur. She is the founder of Ness Labs, where her weekly newsletter is read by more than 100,000 curious minds. Her research at King’s College London focuses on the psychology and neuroscience of lifelong learning, curiosity, and adaptability. Her book, Tiny Experiments, is a transformative guide for living a more experimental life, turning uncertainty into curiosity, and carving a path of self-discovery. Previously, she worked at Google as an executive on digital health projects. Her work has been featured in Rolling Stone, Forbes, Financial Times, WIRED, and more. Related Episodes:349. The Hunger Habit with Judson Brewer351. You Only Die Once with Jodi Wellman454. Remain Calm. Confidence Ahead with Michael HeroldSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If your teen is getting caught in cycles of comparison, burnout, or avoidance while trying to “do enough” for college, this conversation offers a different perspective.Emily talks with Ana Homayoun about her book Erasing the Finish Line and what really matters beyond grades, test scores, and prestige.They walk you through unhealthy patterns in college admissions culture, how technology amplifies anxiety, and why most institutions actually accept the majority of applicants. Their conversation also reveals how long-term success depends far more on relationships and meaningful engagement than on brand-name schools.Join Emily and Ana for practical strategies to help your teens build executive functioning systems, shift from time management to energy management, strengthen social capital through supporters and clarifiers, and rethink grind culture, including the role of youth sports.Listen and Learn: Focusing less on comparison and more on building your own strengths and systems for shaping both college outcomes and the kind of work you end up loving laterHow parents’ own fears and need for control shape the college process can undermine a student’s fit and well-being, and what it takes to step back so they can truly thriveHow technology has reshaped college admissions in ways that make independent research, real-world exploration, and staying open-minded more important than ever for finding the right fitWhy the most “competitive” colleges may feel that way by design, and how choosing the right environment and relationships over prestige can shape your future more than you expectFocusing on executive functioning skills to shape your teen’s long-term success in ways grades alone never revealMaking small shifts in structure, mindset, and environment to unlock a child’s ability to plan, adapt, and thrive without pressure or perfectionHow having friendships across different age groups quietly builds confidence, perspective, and real connection in ways most students do not expectSharing and building social capital in small, everyday ways to quietly shape opportunities for teens and create unexpected outcomesGiving kids real choices, a safe space to fail, and multiple places to belong to builds the confidence, motivation, and life skills they carry into adulthoodHow shifting from managing time to managing your energy transforms focus, behavior, and motivationResources: Erasing the Finish Line: The New Blueprint for Success Beyond Grades and College Admission https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780306830693 That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780399535598 Ana’s Website: https://anahomayoun.com/ Connect with Ana on Social Media: https://instagram.com/anahomayounhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/ana-homayoun-4783863/) About Ana Homayoun: ANA HOMAYOUN is the founder of Silicon Valley–based Green Ivy Educational Consulting and executive director of Luminaria Learning Solutions, which develops student programs focused on executive functioning and well-being. She is also the author of That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week, The Myth of the Perfect Girl, and Social Media Wellness. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Atlantic, Fast Company, and NPR and on Good Morning America and NBC News. Learn more about her work at www.anahomayoun.com. Her most recent book, Erasing the Finish Line, comes out in paperback on June 9th with the updated title, Getting in Is Not Enough: The New Blueprint for Success Beyond Grades, Test Scores, and College Admission. Related Episodes:324. Toxic Achievement Culture with Jennifer Wallace414. The Disengaged Teen with Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson369. The Good News About Adolescence with Ellen Galinsky332. Middle School Superpowers with Phyllis Fagell272. Middle School Matters with Phyllis FagellSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Guilt can feel uncomfortable and easy to push away, but it is one of those emotions that actually serves an important purpose in our lives.For this episode, Debbie sits down with developmental psychologist Chris Moore, author of The Power of Guilt, to unpack what guilt really is and why it plays such an important role in our lives and relationships. Informed by both research and personal experience, Chris offers a perspective that might completely change how you see this emotion.You’ll come away with an understanding of where guilt comes from, how it shows up in everyday life, from childhood to parenting to relationships, and why some people feel it more than others. They also get into topics like apology, forgiveness, and how guilt can actually help us repair and strengthen connections. Listen and Learn: How a single life-altering mistake shaped how Chris understands guilt, responsibility, and forgivenessHow guilt quietly reveals the hidden ways our most important relationships shape what we feel and why we’re driven to repair something we might not fully understand yetDoes the guilt you feel over small things like unfinished chores reveal deeper, hidden influences from the relationships that shaped your internal rules and standards?Why feelings like guilt begin much earlier than we assume and later grow into something far more complex and central to relationshipsWhy some people feel guilt far more intensely than others, and how personality, relationships, and even gender differences quietly shape that experience in ways you might not expectWhy feeling like you are never doing enough as a parent might actually come from the very nature of caring for someone vulnerable, and what that reveals about guilt being more automatic than accurateHow guilt can quietly become a tool of control when forgiveness is withheldHow ideas like restorative justice and even collective guilt reshape the way we understand responsibility and emotional repair in societyWhy guilt, though uncomfortable, can actually serve as a powerful internal signal that helps us recognize when a valued relationship may need attention and guide us toward repairing and strengthening itResources:The Power of Guilt: Why We Feel It and Its Surprising Ability to Healhttps://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781637747728Chris’ Website: https://www.chrislmoore.comConnect with Chris on Social Media:https://www.facebook.com/mfwguilthttps://www.instagram.com/chrismooreauthorphd/About Chris MooreDr. Chris Moore is a professor of psychology and former dean of science at Dalhousie University in Canada, as well as a former Canada Research Chair at the University of Toronto. He holds a PhD in developmental psychology from the University of Cambridge and an MFA in creative nonfiction from the University of King’s College. He has spent his career studying human social understanding and relations, and has published well over 100 research papers, edited 5 books and special issues of academic journals, and authored The Development of Commonsense Psychology (Psychology Press, 2006). He has had numerous invitations to present at academic conferences and universities around the world and has enjoyed many research collaborations in Canada, the United States, Australia, Germany, China, and the UK. Moore’s work has been cited in mainstream print publications such as Psychology Today, Today’s Parent, and the New York Times. His research has also been featured in a variety of TV documentaries, including The Nature of Things and the Baby Human series on Discovery Health. His new book, The Power of Guilt: Why We Feel It and Its Surprising Ability to Heal, is his first for a general audience. He lives in Nova Scotia with his family.Related episodes: 430. Nonadaptive Guilt and Shame with Carolyn Allard 118. Moral Injury and Shame with Lauren Borges and Jacob Farnsworth 320. Anger and Forgiveness with Robyn Walser 358. How to Keep House While Drowning with KC Davis 341. Self-Forgiveness with Grant Dewar See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Overwhelm can push us to a point where the tools we normally rely on suddenly feel out of reach. In this episode, clinical psychologist and burnout expert Kerry Makin-Byrd discusses her book Start Here: A Practical Guide for the Overwhelmed, created as a simple, step-by-step guide for moments when thinking clearly feels difficult. She explains overwhelm as being outside the “window of tolerance,” when the nervous system moves into overarousal or shutdown, and everyday functioning, like sleep, mood, and decision-making, can be disrupted.Kerry introduces a three-part approach called Soothe, Transcend, Move. The idea is to regulate the body first, then shift perspective with self-compassion, and finally focus on one small action that aligns with your values. Listen and Learn: Kerry’s simple illustrated guide for turning overwhelming stress into clear, actionable steps you can actually use in the momentHow overwhelm shows up in your body and mind can look completely different from others and might be quietly sabotaging your focus and energyPracticing small daily skills to train your mind to handle stress more quickly and effortlessly under pressureHow you can instantly calm your body and unlock clearer thinking using a surprising science-based “chill out” practice from the first step of a three-part emotional regulation systemHow Kerr’s three-step approach can help you calm your body, shift perspective, and navigate stress more effectivelyReflective support to overcome burnout and compassion fatigue in helping professionsResources:Start Here: A Practical Guide for the Overwhelmed: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781408783221Kerry’s Website: https://www.drkerrymakinbyrd.com/ Subscribe for twice-a-month field notes on overwhelm, burnout, and compassion to help you care for yourself and others: https://www.drkerrymakinbyrd.com/contact/#/portal/ Kerr’s Podcast, Start Here for Helpers — with Dr Kerry Makin-Byrd: https://starthereforhelpers.substack.com/?ref=drkerrymakinbyrd.com Connect with Kerry on Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/drkerrymbhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/kerry-makin-byrd-phdhttps://www.facebook.com/DrKerryMakinByrd/https://www.youtube.com/@drkerrymb About Kerry Makin-ByrdDr. Kerry Makin-Byrd is a clinical psychologist and noted burnout and well-being expert who translates science into practical non-fiction. An alum of Penn State, UC San Francisco, and the Palo Alto VA Health Care System/Stanford School of Medicine (affiliated), she was honoured with the Veterans Health Administration’s Special Contribution Award for nationally impactful policy work and clinical teaching. A burnout survivor herself, Dr. Kerry is the author of the memoir The Ballad of Burnout. Based in Wellington, New Zealand, she divides her time between writing, providing trauma therapy, and mentoring doctors and therapists. Her favorite types of rest are cold swims with her family and cackling with friends.Related Episodes: 153. Healthcare Professional Wellbeing Abbie Beacham, Kerry Makin-Byrd, and Bernard Chang (Part 1) 154. Healthcare Professional Wellbeing with Abbie Beacham, Kerry Makin-Byrd, and Bernard Chang (Part 2) 338. ACT for Burnout with Debbie 177. Mind-Body Practices for Stress and Overwhelm with Rebekkah LaDyne 75. Mindful Self-Compassion with Christopher Germer  199. Belonging From the Inside Out with Meg McKelvie 211. Subtract with Leidy Klotz73. Essentialism with Greg McKeown See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Feeling loved sounds simple, but it is not something that just happens because someone cares about you. In this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, Yael talks with Sonja Lyubomirsky and Harry Reis about their book, How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most, and why it is possible to be loved but not actually feel loved.They explore what really helps people feel cared for and understood in any kind of relationship, why stress or attachment patterns can get in the way, and how small mindset shifts like listening to learn or being willing to go first can make a big difference in how connected you feel.It is less about following relationship rules and more about how you show up. Your curiosity, your openness, and your willingness to understand someone else and let yourself be understood too. If connection sometimes feels harder than it should, this episode is for you.Listen and Learn: How the happiness habits you already know, like gratitude or kindness, may actually work by strengthening a hidden relationship dynamic that makes people feel deeply understood and loved in everyday interactionsWhat are the key ingredients that quietly combine to make us feel truly loved and understood by others?How feeling loved often depends less on what’s done for us and more on whether we truly feel seen, understood, and connected in the momentHow shifting your mindset in love can transform simple behaviors into deeper, more genuine connections that naturally grow intimacyHow showing up first in relationships can feel risky, but it often unlocks deeper connections in ways you might not expectWhy feeling loved isn’t just about what you receive, it’s about how you understand and respond to the love others are trying to giveEmbracing the messy, multifaceted parts of yourself to completely change how you experience love and connectionResources: How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780063426665 Sonja’s Website: https://sonjalyubomirsky.com Card deck from Sojna’s recommendation: The Andhttps://howtofeelloved.com/ Connect with Sonja on Social Media: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sonja-lyubomirsky-21283bb/https://www.instagram.com/sonjalyubomirsky/https://www.facebook.com/sonja.lyubomirsky About Sonja Lyubomirsky and Harry Reis: Sonja Lyubomirsky is a Distinguished Professor of Psychology at UC Riverside and the author of The How of Happiness and The Myths of Happiness. She's also a returning guest on Psychologists Off the Clock — you can catch her first appearance in episode 227.Harry Reis is a Dean's Professor of Psychology at the University of Rochester and one of the most influential relationship scientists working today, known for foundational research on intimacy, responsiveness, and what makes people feel truly connected.Together, they've written How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets that Get You More of What Matters Most — a book that reframes the question most of us have been asking wrong.Related Episodes:172. Performing Under Pressure with Sian Beilock227. The Science of Happy with Sonja Lyubomirsky413. Validate with Caroline Fleck422. Mindwise with Nicholas EpleySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you struggle with people-pleasing and losing yourself in relationships, this episode with Ingrid Clayton, a licensed clinical psychologist and expert in relational trauma, about her book Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back, is a conversation that can help you understand and transform patterns holding you back. Exploring fawning, which is a lesser-known trauma response shaped by caretaking, appeasement, and self-abandonment, you’ll learn how it often shows up as anxiety and hypervigilance. And, through personal and client stories, you’ll gain insights on reclaiming authenticity, navigating backlash, and starting the process of “unfawning.”Listen and Learn:Why do some people cope with relational trauma by becoming overly accommodating or pleasing?How people-pleasing might actually be your nervous system choosing safety in ways that once protected you, but could now be quietly shaping your identity and relationships without you realizing it, and what it actually takes to reconnect with who you areHow chronic fawning can look like emotional strength on the outside while quietly disconnecting you from your own anxiety and bodyHow what looks like dishonesty can actually be a survival response that once kept you safe, and what it takes to notice when it starts keeping you stuckHow tuning into what you notice in your body can be the first uncomfortable but powerful step to breaking people-pleasing patterns and building more authentic relationshipsWhy red flags can feel like home after emotional abuse and how learning to trust your own resentment might be the first step toward building a truly safe relationshipResources:Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9798217045327 Ingrid’s Website: https://www.ingridclayton.com/ Connect with Ingrid on Social Media:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ingridclaytonphd Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/IngridClaytonPhD LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ingridclaytonphd/ Substack: https://substack.com/@ingridclaytonphd YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3PvWTgJMirURfgHWj3h28g About Ingrid ClaytonDr. Ingrid Clayton is a licensed clinical psychologist with a master’s in transpersonal psychology and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology.  She’s had a thriving private practice for more than sixteen years and is a regular contributor to Psychology Today, where her blog “Emotional Sobriety” has had more than a million views.  She lives in Los Angeles, California. Book: Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves--and How to Find Our Way Back: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9798217045327Related Episodes:305. The Power of Saying No with Vanessa Patrick186. Set Boundaries Find Peace with Nedra Tawwab 276. Assertive Communication Skills with Randy Paterson  308. Identifying and Surviving Gaslighting with Robin Stern 263. Relationships with Emotionally Immature People with Lindsay Gibson 383. What My Bones Know: C-PTSD with Stephanie Foo417. Busting Trauma Treatment Myths with Emi Nietfeld416. Trauma and PTSD Treatment with Robyn WalserSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Caregiving is often framed as a burden, but what if it’s also one of the most meaningful ways we come to know ourselves?Emily sits down with acclaimed journalist and cultural critic Elissa Strauss for this episode to discuss her extensive work on the politics and culture of parenting and caregiving, which has appeared in publications like The Atlantic and The New York Times. Centering on her new book, When You Care: The Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others, they challenge feminist notions that have undervalued caregiving and explore how caregiving can enrich one's sense of self. You’ll hear about the philosophical foundations of care ethics and how caregiving for various dependents, not just children, brings profound personal growth, scientific research on caregiver well-being, the importance of male caregivers, and also the need for systemic support for caregivers.Listen and Learn: How redefining caregiving, not as a burden, but as a powerful source of meaning and self-expansion, might change what we think feminism, motherhood, and what a “full” life actually look likeHow caregiving across parenting, disability, and aging becomes an intense, surprising mirror that reshapes identity and meaning in ways most of us never expectThe research that shows why caregiving doesn’t have to wear you down, and under certain conditions, it can actually make you healthier and even help you live longerHow one husband turned the challenges of caregiving into moments of quiet activism, love, and connectionHow does caring for others bring meaning, even when day-to-day life feels messy?What if the real barrier for working caregivers isn’t just the glass ceiling but the glass door separating home and work, and how breaking it could change everything we value about care?Why men’s brains change when they care for others, how caregiving reshapes masculinity, and what it really means for dads todayWhy caring for those closest to us isn’t just personal—it’s a radical philosophical lens that could change how we think about society itselfResources: When You Care: The Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781982169282Elisa’s Website: https://www.elissastrauss.com/Elisa’s Substack: https://elissa.substack.com/Connect with Elisa on Social Media: https://www.facebook.com/elissa.strauss.7/https://www.instagram.com/elissaavery/https://www.linkedin.com/in/elissa-strauss-742720112 About Elissa StraussElissa Strauss is a journalist, essayist, and cultural critic who has been writing about the politics and culture of parenting and caregiving for more than fifteen years. Her work appears in publications like the Atlantic, the New York Times, Glamour, ELLE, and elsewhere, and she was a former contributing writer at CNN.com and Slate. Her book, "When You Care: The Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others," is out now from Gallery Books, and she writes a Substack called "MADE WITH CARE."Related episodes: 444. Mattering with Jennifer Wallace441. Having It All with Corinne Low386. Parents Are Stressed: What Do We Do About It? With Emily, Debbie, and Yael356. Navigating the Challenges of Caregiving with Alison Applebaum354. A Family Guide to Dementia with Brent Forester275. Work, Parent, Thrive with Yael SchonbrunSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We all feel emotions every day, but how often do we stop to understand what they really are and how they work? Joining Michael for this episode is Ethan Kross, a renowned authority on emotion regulation and author of Shift: Managing Your Emotions—So They Don’t Manage You, for a conversation about the science behind how our internal dialogue affects health, performance, and relationships. Ethan explains what emotions are, how they function, and the importance of teaching emotional regulation skills from a young age. He also covers various tools and strategies that can help you manage your emotions more effectively, shares examples from his books, and highlights significant studies.Listen and Learn: Why we have emotions and how they quietly shape our thoughts, bodies, and actions in ways most of us don’t fully noticeWhy meaningful moments almost always come with emotional friction, and what that reveals about living a purposeful lifeThe 50-year study that shows how early emotion skills shape health, money, and relationshipsWhat happens when logic is pushed too far, and emotions are removed, and how science suggests a more balanced approach that quietly shapes better outcomes in work, relationships, and lifeWhy managing emotions isn’t about suppressing them, but learning how you can use the right tools at the right time to keep them working for you instead of against youSimple mental shifts that help you move through discomfort and emotional blocks fasterResources: Shift: Managing Your Emotions--So They Don't Manage You https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593444412 Ethan’s Website: https://www.ethankross.com/Emotion & Self Control Laboratory: http://selfcontrol.psych.lsa.umich.edu/Connect with Ethan on Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/ethankross/https://www.linkedin.com/in/ekross/About Ethan KrossEthan Kross is one of the world’s leading experts on emotion regulation. An award-winning professor and bestselling author in the University of Michigan’s top- ranked Psychology Department and its Ross School of Business, he studies how the conversations people have with themselves impact their health, performance, decisions, and relationships.Ethan was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. He attended the University of Pennsylvania, where he was elected to Phi Beta Kappa and graduated magna cum laude. After earning his PhD in Psychology from Columbia University, Ethan completed a post-doctoral fellowship in social-affective neuroscience to learn about the neural systems that support self-control. He moved to the University of Michigan in 2008, where he founded the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory.Ethan’s research has been published in Science, The New England Journal of Medicine, and The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, among other peer-reviewed journals. He has participated in policy discussion at the White House and has been interviewed on CBS Evening News, Good Morning America, Anderson Cooper Full Circle, and NPR’s Morning Edition. His pioneering research has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The New Yorker, Harvard Business Review, USA Today, The Economist, The Atlantic, Forbes, and Time.Ethan is the two-time National Bestselling author of SHIFT: Managing Your Emotions—So They Don’t Manage You and  CHATTER: The Voice in Our Head, Why it Matters and How to Harness It. His books are routinely featured in the worlds’ top media (e.g., New York Times, Wall Street Journal, BBC, The New Yorker), have garnered multiple accolades and been translated into over 40 languages. Related Episodes:309. The Language of Emotions with Karla McLaren265. The Power of Emotions at Work with Karla McLaren183. Permission to Feel: Emotional Intelligence with Marc BrackettSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

So many women grow up hearing that we should be able to have it all, yet very few of us are ever shown what that actually looks like in real life.In this episode, Emily welcomes Corinne Lowe, an associate professor of Business Economics and Public Policy. Corinne shares insights from her book, Having It All: What Data Tells Us About Women’s Lives and Getting the Most Out of Yours, which examines gender wage gaps, structural discrimination, and the pressures women face when balancing career, family, and personal life.This conversation focuses on redefining success in a way that truly fits your values, being more intentional with your time, and finding fulfillment on your own terms. You’ll also come away with practical strategies for workplace negotiations, rethinking productivity, and creating a more sustainable balance between work and life.Listen and Learn: How structural barriers limit women’s career and wage growth, and encourage redefining success by focusing on personal fulfillment and leveling up within those realitiesHow women face systemic workplace barriers that collectively limit their opportunities and earnings, and why addressing these issues benefits everyoneDebunking myths about women’s performance, showing that traits like negotiation skill and competitiveness are not inferior, and that focusing on evidence-based skill-building is what truly drives successUnderstanding and prioritizing your own “utility function” to help women focus on what matters to them, rather than constantly comparing themselves to othersHow to rethink your career as a tool for turning time into meaningful fulfillment, balance life’s chapters intentionally, and confidently understand your market value to make work serve youReclaiming your time, setting boundaries, and making intentional choices to focus on what truly brings joy and meaning to your family and life, instead of being trapped by guilt, obligation, or unrealistic expectationsReframing parenting and self-care as “human capital” investment, showing how the time and care you give to your children and to yourself is meaningful, economically valuable, and essential for long-term wellbeingResources: Having It All: What Data Tells Us About Women’s Lives and Getting the Most Out of Yours: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781250369512Corrine’s Website: https://www.corinnelow.com Connect with Corrine on Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/corinnelowphd/https://www.linkedin.com/in/corinne-lowhttps://www.facebook.com/people/Corinne-Low Read More About Corrine’s Work on Substack: https://corinnelow.substack.com/ About Corinne LowCorinne Low is an Associate Professor of Business Economics and Public Policy at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania where she teaches an award-winning class (and was named one of Poets and Quants 40 MBA Professors under 40 in 2024). Her research on the economics of gender has been published in top journals such as the American Economic Review, Quarterly Journal of Economics, and Journal of Political Economy. Corinne and her work have been featured in major media outlets, such as The New York Times, CBS Mornings, Forbes, New York Magazine, and The Guardian. Corinne regularly speaks to and advises firms in addition to teaching in Wharton’s Executive Education programs. She is the author of Having It All: What Data Tells Us About Women's Lives and Getting the Most Out of Yours. She received her Ph.D. in Economics from Columbia University, her B.S. in Economics and Public Policy from Duke University and formerly worked for McKinsey and Company.Related Episodes:398. Finding Joy in Your Relationship with Money with Elizabeth Husserl357. Is Your Work Worth It? How to Think About Meaningful Work with Jennifer Tosti-Kharas and Christopher Wong Michaelson275. Work, Parent, Thrive with Yael Schonbrun245. Family Firm with Emily Oster206. Fair Play Part 2 with Eve Rodsky176. Fair Play with Eve Rodsky174. How to Work and Parent Mindfully with Lori Mihalich-LevinSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.