Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity

What if your burnout isn't a personal failure — but a systemic one? Award-winning journalist Stefanie O'Connell joins Leslie to unpack The Ambition Penalty.📕 Get Stefanie's book: https://tooambitious.com/book/💧 Ready to move through your divorce with structure and support? Explore THROUGH, Leslie's 8-week coaching program → https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram──────────────In this conversation, Stefanie pulls back the curtain on what the research actually shows about why women — across industries, identities, and life stages — are still systematically held back at work and at home. Her book draws on more than 450 academic citations to dismantle the most persistent myth in modern gender inequality: that women just need to lean in harder, negotiate better, or believe in themselves more.Leslie and Stefanie talk about the data on backlash against women who ask for raises, the 30+ identity characteristics that get weaponized against women in hiring decisions, why the home — not the office — is where most women's burnout actually originates, and the 400-hour-per-year personal leisure gap between U.S. men and women. They also unpack the quiet shift from collective empowerment to individualistic self-help, why the pay gap hasn't budged in 20 years, and what a meaningful collective response actually looks like.This is essential listening for any woman who is over being overworked — but not over her ambition.─── Timestamps ───00:00 Introduction to Stefanie O'Connell01:15 From theater to financial journalism04:14 The myth that women lack ambition06:30 Why the research has been hiding in plain sight07:01 When negotiating backfires for women09:24 The hidden biases keeping women out of leadership12:20 Why ambition is viewed differently in men and women15:05 The importance of examining our own biases15:53 What surprised Stefanie most in the data16:30 The unpaid labor gap and women's burnout18:45 Leslie shares her personal career and marriage story22:08 How family dynamics shape workplace culture24:39 The invisible workload of stay-at-home mothers26:00 Choosing a partner who supports your ambitions27:00 Why community support matters more than ever28:27 The danger of turning systemic problems into personal failures30:45 Why collective solutions create lasting change34:40 Entrepreneurship, coaching, and gender bias36:50 Why women are often judged differently when charging for their expertise38:00 Building resilience through community and collective action39:30 Modeling healthy relationships and ambition for our children41:40 The loneliness epidemic and rebuilding connection44:00 Why data matters in conversations about women’s experiences45:30 The gaslighting women experience around work and ambition46:50 What meaningful collective action actually looks like48:00 Why progress on the pay gap has stalled50:20 The growing hostility toward women in the workplace52:35 A message for ambitious women who feel exhausted53:35 Building community instead of carrying shame54:05 Where to find Stefanie and her book55:00 Final reflections and closing thoughts──────────────🧵 ABOUT PULLING THREADSPulling Threads with Leslie Mathews is a podcast about untangling the patterns, stories, and systems that keep us stuck — and weaving something more authentic in their place. New episodes weekly.🌐 Connect with Leslie:• Website: https://theloomlife.com• Therapy: https://loomlifetherapy.com• Personal site: https://leslieellenmathews.com• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.loom.life• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews📕 Connect with Stefanie O'Connell:• Book — The Ambition Penalty: https://tooambitious.com/book/• Substack (Too Ambitious): https://tooambitious.substack.com/• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stefanieoconnell/• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@stefaniemoconnell──────────────If this episode resonated, please leave a 5-star rating and share it with one woman in your life who needs to hear it.#TheAmbitionPenalty #Women

What happens when the systems that raised you also silenced you? In this episode, memoirist and survivor advocate Kate Johnson joins Leslie to talk about religious trauma, purity culture, and the long road of finding your voice after a lifetime of being told to stay quiet.Kate grew up a pastor's daughter inside the PCA evangelical church, where Calvinist teachings around "total depravity" merged with authoritarian parenting to create a childhood organized around shame, obedience, and performance. When her family was placed on the sex offender registry, she learned a second, deeper lesson: her safety lay in her silence. This conversation traces what it took to undo that — through writing, embodiment, estrangement, anger, and the slow reclaiming of identity.Whether you're deconstructing your faith, healing from purity culture, navigating estrangement, or just trying to reconnect with your own voice after years of self-silencing — this one is for you.─── WORK WITH LESLIE ───THROUGH — 8-week divorce recovery program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram1:1 Coaching & Therapy: https://theloomlife.comBook a discovery call: https://theloomlife.com─── CONNECT WITH KATE ───Substack (Quips & Confessionals): https://katejohnsonwrites.substack.comInstagram: @katejohnsonwritesTikTok: @katejohnsonwritesThreads: @katejohnsonwritesBluesky: @katejohnsonwrites─── CHAPTERS ───00:00 Welcome & introducing Kate02:30 Trapeze as healing & reclaiming the inner child06:30 Growing up a pastor's daughter (PCA & Calvinism)11:00 "You are bad" — how religious shame forms core beliefs13:30 Parenting across generations: authoritarian to conscious18:30 Why kids in divorce need their own therapist23:30 Voice as savior: from buried to spoken25:30 The sex offender registry: when silence becomes safety30:00 What most people don't understand about the registry35:30 Why women stay: shame, survival & "Conjuring the Hurricane"42:00 Family courts, custody & protecting children46:30 Purity culture, bisexuality & leaving evangelicalism51:30 Estrangement, boundaries & what repentance really means55:30 Embodiment, grounding & coming home to the body59:30 Reiki, The Artist's Way & reconnecting to creativity1:03:00 Anger as a signal & reclaiming identity1:08:00 Quips & Confessionals: humor as reclamation1:12:00 Final message: trust your body, use your voice─── FOLLOW THE LOOM LIFE ───Website: https://theloomlife.comTherapy: https://loomlifetherapy.comLeslie's site: https://leslieellenmathews.comInstagram: @the.loom.lifeTikTok: @leslieellenmathews─── DISCLAIMER ───This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, or professional mental health treatment. If you are in crisis, please contact a licensed provider or call/text 988 in the U.S.Keywords: religious trauma podcast, purity culture recovery, evangelical deconstruction, healing religious trauma, pastor's daughter, finding your voice, embodiment after trauma, complex PTSD, mental health podcast for women, trauma healing stories podcast#ReligiousTrauma #HealingAfterTrauma #IdentityWork #SelfTrust #PullingThreads

Why do we keep choosing partners who hurt us? In this episode, mental health advocate and author Petrona Joseph joins Leslie to unpack trauma bonds, unsafe love, and the abandonment wound that drives the loop.▶ WORK WITH LESLIE8-week divorce recovery program — THROUGH: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram1:1 coaching with Leslie: https://theloomlife.com▶ ABOUT THIS EPISODEPetrona Joseph spent years pushing through panic attacks, depression, and a 17-year on-and-off relationship she now recognizes as a trauma bond. In this conversation she shares the moment her anxiety stopped her on a bridge in rush hour, why she resisted antidepressants for a decade, and how a primary caregiver's absence early in life shaped the unsafe partners she kept choosing as an adult.Leslie and Petrona dig into the neuroscience of trauma bonds (why they feel exactly like love), what "closing the loop" of a childhood wound actually looks like in adult relationships, and why most men in their 40s, 50s, and 60s still don't have a single safe person to talk to. This one is for anyone who has watched themselves return — over and over — to a person who keeps hurting them, and is starting to wonder if it's something deeper than love.▶ WHAT YOU'LL LEARNWhy trauma bonds get mistaken for love — and the biological reason the pull is so strongHow an abandonment wound from childhood shapes who you're attracted to as an adultThe difference between an unsafe person and someone who is just imperfectWhat it looked like for Petrona to finally accept a depression diagnosis after years of resistanceWhy "experiential" mental health advocacy matters alongside clinical expertiseThe state of men's mental health and why most men have no safe people▶ ABOUT THE GUESTPetrona Joseph is an award-winning Communications Strategist, Presidential Lifetime Achievement Award recipient, and MHFA-certified Mental Health Workshop Facilitator. A trilingual Concordia University graduate in Linguistics, she is the author of Stigmatized: Demystifying Mental Health Illness and the upcoming Unsafe Love: Healing From Trauma Bonds, Betrayal, and Unsafe Attachment. Through Above Healing and Wellness, she has reached over 10,000 people across North America with workshops on resilience and early intervention.Timestamp:00:00 Welcome Petrona Joseph02:10 Thinking in French and growing up multilingual05:05 From Trinidad to Grenada, New York, and Montreal08:20 Ambition, law school, and ignoring mental health13:30 Luxury cars, PR, TV, and finding a new path19:45 Becoming “the annoying best friend” in PR22:00 Anxiety attacks and the beginning of advocacy30:10 The bridge panic attack that changed everything36:20 Accepting medication and getting support43:00 Healing is not a one-time fix49:30 When anxiety affects everyday life56:00 Going public about panic attacks1:02:00 Writing about depression and mental health1:08:00 Unsafe Love and trauma bonds1:15:30 Why trauma bonds feel like love1:24:00 Childhood wounds and repeating patterns1:33:30 Attachment, abandonment, and trying to close the loop1:43:00 When relationships become a place for healing1:56:00 What secure love and repair can look like2:10:00 Building psychologically safe relationships and cultures2:18:30 Becoming a safe person after unsafe patterns2:28:00 Mental health crisis support and men’s mental health2:40:00 Why men need safe spaces too2:52:00 Petrona’s books and where to find her2:57:00 Closing reflections and goodbyeFollow Petrona on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iampetronajoseph▶ CONNECT WITH LESLIEWebsite: https://theloomlife.comTherapy practice: https://loomlifetherapy.comPersonal site: https://leslieellenmathews.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.loom.lifeTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews▶ IF THIS EPISODE HELPEDSubscribe, leave a 5-star rating on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and share this episode with someone you think needs to hear it. Reviews are how new listeners find the show.#T

Money is never just money. In this solo episode of Pulling Threads, Leslie Mathews explores why money affirmations and manifestation so often fail — and why real abundance work has to happen in the body, the nervous system, and the family story you inherited.➤ Ready to do this work with support? Book a free discovery call: https://theloomlife.com/discoverycall➤ More from The Loom Life: https://theloomlife.comYou can repeat “money flows to me easily” until you believe you mean it and still feel a quiet ceiling you can’t push through. That’s not a mindset failure. The part of your nervous system that decides what you’re allowed to receive isn’t listening to your affirmations — it’s listening to your history.In this episode, Leslie unspools the tangle of money one thread at a time: the legacy burdens we inherit from parents and grandparents, the protective “parts” that overwork, under-earn, hoard, or give too much away, and the complex trauma that can make expansion feel physically dangerous. She breaks down how money wounds show up differently for women — the “good girl” conditioning around wanting and receiving — and for men — the provider equation and the shame of feeling “not enough to carry it.” And she explains why divorce is one of the most accelerated abundance journeys a person can move through.Then she gets practical, walking through the tools that actually move this work: Internal Family Systems (IFS) for the protective parts, EMDR for the specific memories that locked them in place, and subconscious work through guided meditation and hypnosis. This is a science-meets-spirit conversation about learning to feel safe enough to receive.Whether you’re years post-divorce like Leslie or just starting to notice your own money ceiling, this is a gentle, honest invitation to meet your money story with curiosity instead of shame.IN THIS EPISODEWhy “money is never just money” — and what it’s really carryingLegacy burdens: the money beliefs you inherited without consenting to themHow protective parts quietly run your financial life (IFS)When abundance becomes neurologically “dangerous”The different money wounds women and men carryWhy divorce surfaces every unhealed money beliefUsing IFS, EMDR, and subconscious work togetherCHAPTERS00:00 — Why affirmations alone don’t move the money ceiling00:50 — What this episode is about (science meets spirit)03:00 — The layer beneath the story: your body’s history06:00 — Why money is never just money08:00 — Legacy burdens: the beliefs you inherited10:30 — Your protective money parts (IFS)12:00 — When complex trauma makes abundance feel dangerous14:30 — Watch what your parents did, not what they said18:00 — The deeper inheritance: generational money wounds19:00 — Women & “good girl” money conditioning22:00 — Men & the provider equation24:00 — Divorce as an accelerated abundance journey27:00 — Doing the work: IFS & unburdening31:00 — EMDR for the memories that locked it in34:00 — The subconscious layer: hypnosis & meditation36:00 — Why you need all the tools, not one lane40:00 — 4 places to start your own abundance work43:00 — Working together & final thoughtsRESOURCES & LINKS➤ Book a free discovery call: https://theloomlife.com/discoverycall➤ THROUGH — 8-week divorce coaching program for women: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram➤ Website: https://theloomlife.com➤ Loom Life Therapy: https://loomlifetherapy.com➤ Instagram: @the.loom.life➤ TikTok: @leslieellenmathews➤ Email: leslie@theloomlife.comModalities & tools mentioned in this episode: Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, polyvagal theory, Gabby Bernstein’s Abundance Challenge, and the To Be Magnetic Money Block hypnosis.If this resonated, subscribe for new episodes of Pulling Threads, and leave a rating or review — it helps more people find this work.Keywords: money trauma, abundance blocks, IFS therapy, EMDR, money mindset, nervous system healing, divorce recovery, manifestation, s

Men's anger after divorce isn't really about anger — it's a translator for grief, fear, shame, and longing. Book a discovery call: [DISCOVERY CALL URL] | theloomlife.com If you're a man who is divorced, separating, or on the other side of a long marriage that ended in any direction, this episode is for you. Leslie Mathews walks through the kind of anger that sits in your chest at the grocery store, the flash of rage at a driver who didn't really do anything, the flatness that's one wrong comment away from breaking you. The advice most men get — manage it, tame it, apologize for it — is exactly what makes the anger dig in deeper. In this episode, you'll learn:• Why your anger keeps coming back no matter how much you work out, cold plunge, or breathe through it• The four emotions hiding underneath male divorce anger: grief, fear, shame, and longing• Which of the four is most likely your door — and how to recognize it when it shows up• What healing actually looks like (smaller and quieter than the internet is selling you)• An honest note on the kind of anger that needs more than a podcast can offer This is episode 6 of the For the Boys playlist on Pulling Threads. If you're a woman supporting a man through this — maybe an ex-husband, a friend, or a son — this episode can give you language for what he may not be able to name. ———WORK WITH LESLIE• Book a discovery call: [DISCOVERY CALL URL]• Learn more: https://theloomlife.com FOLLOW ALONG• Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life• TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews NEXT IN THIS PLAYLISTEpisode 7 — Why so many men didn't see the divorce coming, and what to do with what comes after. (Link will be added once published.) A NOTE ON SAFETYThere is a version of male anger that is dangerous — to the people around you, to your kids, to yourself. The work in this episode isn't a substitute for help if you're in that territory. If your anger has scared someone you love or scared you, please reach out to a therapist, a men's group, or your doctor. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at any time. CHAPTERS00:00 Who this episode is for01:00 Body scan: where you're holding tension03:00 The kind of anger we're talking about04:00 Welcome to For the Boys05:00 The blindsided moment (preview of Episode 7)06:00 Anger isn't the problem — it's a signal07:30 The four emotions underneath08:00 Grief: what's actually been lost09:00 Fear: the future just got wider10:00 Shame: the failure narrative11:00 Longing: the hardest one12:00 Why managing your anger doesn't work13:00 What healing actually looks like15:00 An important note on dangerous anger16:30 Letting the translator rest17:00 How to keep going with this work Keywords: men's anger after divorce, letting go of anger after divorce, life coach for men after divorce, how men heal after divorce, divorce recovery for men, emotional recovery after breakup, men's mental health divorce, somatic work for men, nervous system regulation after divorce #MensMentalHealth #DivorceRecovery #PullingThreads #ForTheBoys #LifeCoachForMen

Healing after divorce starts in the body — not the spreadsheet. In this conversation, crisis coach Pamela Dussault joins Leslie Mathews to share why nervous system reset has to come before any of the practical work, and how women rebuild self-trust after an abusive marriage, burnout, or estrangement.▶ Ready for structured support through divorce? Learn about THROUGH, Leslie's 8-week coaching program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram▶ Book a free discovery call with Pamela: https://pamela-dussault-consulting.com——————————————In this episode of Pulling Threads, Pamela Dussault — a coach with more than 23 years of experience guiding women through divorce, burnout, estrangement, and existential reckoning — walks us through her signature framework she calls "victory." Pamela's path began with her own series of storms, including a divorce from an abusive partner who threatened her life when she sought to leave. From that breaking point, she built a methodology that moves clients through three anchors: resetting the nervous system, disrupting the identity and belief patterns that no longer serve them, and rebuilding self-trust so they can emerge as the most authentic version of themselves.Leslie and Pamela talk candidly about the moment of awakening that comes inside crisis — when you finally see that the wall in front of you is actually a new beginning. They explore what it feels like to choose change, why acceptance is the hardest and most empowering step, and how something as small as the "butterfly tap" under the collarbone can move you out of fear and back into your body's wisdom. Pamela also shares her own story of setting new standards for love after divorce, and why it took her four years to find a relationship that matched what she actually wanted.If you're in the middle of your own storm — divorce, burnout, an estrangement, or that quiet existential question of "is this really my life?" — this episode is a gentle, grounded reminder that change isn't happening to you. It's happening for you.WHAT WE COVER:• Why nervous system reset has to come before the legal, financial, and parenting decisions• The "butterfly" technique and a hand-on-heart practice you can use today• How to spot the belief patterns keeping you in a life that doesn't fit anymore• Pamela's three-pillar framework: reset, disrupt, rebuild• Setting new standards for love (and why this isn't about finding a partner)• Holding both connection and distance in estrangement• The Disneyland moment when joy comes back — and what to do with itTIMESTAMP00:00 Welcome & introducing Pamela Dussault01:30 The one thing your younger self would be surprised by04:00 'I need to know this for a reason' — the wounded healer's path06:00 Leslie's newspaper-article moment & deciding to leave10:30 Pamela's 3am awakening & the gentle voice that changed everything14:00 The mind-body downloads after the spiritual opening18:00 The black-mold sign and trusting the universe20:30 What the reframe to hope actually looks like inside the pain23:30 Joy returning after suffering: the Disneyland story25:00 The first choice — acceptance is the hardest, most powerful move26:30 Why nervous system reset is the first pillar (not finances)29:00 Two practices: the butterfly tap & hand-on-heart31:30 Disrupting belief patterns: what story are you living in?34:30 Social media, constant fear, and the noise we absorb38:00 Burnout, career change, and the courage to stop40:30 Setting new standards for love after an abusive marriage43:30 Looking for the relationship — not the person45:30 How long it took, why she wasn't nervous, and what she refused to settle for48:30 When overwhelm is real and when it's a signal51:30 Pamela's three-pillar method: reset, disrupt, rebuild54:00 Estrangement: how to love from a distance57:00 The Pisces symbol — holding both wholeness and connection01:02:30 How to work with Pamela: discovery calls & the Victory package01:04:30 Closing refle

If you've been dating an avoidant man and you can't quite name what you've been tracking — this is for you. There's a paradox he can't articulate, and you've been guessing for your whole relationship. Today it gets language.👉 Ready to stop performing your way through this? Book a 1:1 discovery call with Leslie: https://theloomlife.com👉 If he's willing to do the work, send him the companion men's episode "Understanding Avoidant Attachment in Dating" on the For The Boys playlist.— — — — — — — — — —You are not crazy. You've been tracking something real. The fact that you can't quite name it is part of what makes the experience so disorienting — and it's the part the dating advice industrial complex never explains. In this companion episode to last week's For The Boys release, Leslie names what an avoidant man actually wants (yes, both things at once), why most online advice for women dating avoidant men is actively harmful, and what to do instead.In this episode:• The paradox he's been asking you to solve without telling you (and probably without knowing it himself)• Why "have your own life" as a strategy doesn't work — and what does• Performed distance vs. the real thing: why his nervous system can tell the difference instantly• Leslie's own story: the four-month discard, the conversation that changed everything, and what she learned saying no• The 5 things to actually do when you're dating an avoidant man• How to tell the difference between a healing avoidant and an unhealed one (this is the whole game)• Why "the full life is the point, not the bait"This episode pairs with For The Boys Ep. 4: "Understanding Avoidant Attachment in Dating" — same information, written for the man on the other side of this conversation.— — — — — — — — — —🧵 ABOUT PULLING THREADSPulling Threads is a podcast hosted by Leslie Mathews — former attorney turned coach and host of The Loom Life. The show explores attachment, dating, divorce recovery, nervous system regulation, somatic work, and authentic living.🌐 WORK WITH LESLIE• Website: https://theloomlife.com• Book a discovery call: https://theloomlife.com• Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life• TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews📬 DROP A COMMENTDid this land for you — especially section 5 on whether he closes the gap? Tell Leslie below.00:00Welcome — A Companion Piece for the Girls01:00You Are Not Crazy02:00Why Most Dating Advice for Women Is Wrong03:00What He Actually Wants04:00Both Needs at Once: The Paradox05:00Leslie's Story: The Air Filter Moment07:00What You've Already Learned in Your Body08:00Same Week, Opposite Signals09:00Where Dismissive Avoidance Comes From10:00What His Nervous System Is Scanning You For11:00Leslie's Full Life When They Met12:00The Middle: When She Stopped Saying No13:00Why His System Reads You as a Threat14:00Why the Internet's Advice Is Harmful15:00Performed Distance Is Still Engulfment16:00The "Orbiters"17:00The Full Life Is the Point, Not the Bait18:00The Four-Month Discard19:00The Calm Response That Changed Everything21:00The 5 Recommendations Start Here22:001: Don't Text Him First All Day22:302: Don't Make Him Your Primary Emotional Regulator23:303: Let Him Pursue24:004: Communicate Clearly, Not in Questions24:305: Watch Whether He Closes the Gap26:00You're Not Weak. You're Not Too Much.27:00The Real Choice You Get to Make28:00Where to Find Leslie + Book a Call

Avoidant attachment in men isn't about not wanting love. It's about a paradox almost no one names: you want her to choose you completely AND have a full life that doesn't depend on you. This episode names it.👉 For the woman in your life who's been confused by you: send her the companion episode "What an Avoidant Man Actually Wants" on the main Pulling Threads feed (dropping next week).👉 Ready to work on this 1:1? Book a discovery call at https://theloomlife.com— — — — — — — — — —If every woman you've ever dated has told you she's confused, hurt, or in tears and you didn't have an answer for her — this episode is for you. Leslie names the central confusion of dating with an avoidant attachment style: you want to be the center of her universe AND you need her to have her own life. Until somebody names it, it stays a contradiction. Once it has language, something can quietly shift.In this episode:• The paradox you've been living inside (and why men's content space treats it as a contradiction)• Where dismissive avoidant attachment actually comes from — the two signals your nervous system got before you had any choices• What your nervous system has been scanning every woman for, without your permission• Why the woman who wants you the most is the one you can never quite want back• The 90-second engulfment alarm — and how to catch it before it makes the call for you• How to communicate your need for space without disappearing• The conversation that begins to repair what you couldn't name before• Chosen vs. needed — the reframe that changes the entire dating landscapeThis episode is part of Pulling Threads' For The Boys playlist — a series geared specifically toward men navigating attachment, dating, and personal growth.— — — — — — — — — —🧵 ABOUT PULLING THREADSPulling Threads is a podcast hosted by Leslie Mathews — former attorney turned coach and host of The Loom Life. The show explores divorce recovery, attachment, nervous system regulation, somatic work, and authentic living.🌐 WORK WITH LESLIE• Website: https://theloomlife.com• 1:1 coaching discovery calls: https://theloomlife.com• Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life• TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews📬 GOT A TOPIC?Drop it in the comments — Leslie is opening up topic requests from men specifically. What do you want her to talk about next?

What happens to a teenager who's sent away to be "fixed"? Kaila Miller spent 48 weeks inside a residential program at 16 — and now she's a therapist helping families heal differently. ✨ FROM LESLIE🌐 theloomlife.com | loomlifetherapy.com | leslieellenmathews.com💌 Book a discovery call → theloomlife.com🌿 THROUGH (8-week divorce coaching program) → theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram📩 leslie@theloomlife.com 🎁 GUEST: KAILA MILLER📖 Memoir "Am I Changed?" → amichanged.com🌀 Outrvention (whole-family intervention) → outrvention.com📱 IG & Threads: @kailatheauthor — — — ABOUT THIS EPISODEAt 16, Kaila Miller was woken up at 5 a.m. by transporters, flown to the Arizona desert, and dropped into a residential program for what would become 48 weeks of her life. The question that came out of that experience — am I changed? — became the title of her debut memoir (an Amazon Top New Release) and the foundation of her life's work as a therapist, advocate, and co-founder of Outrvention. In this conversation, Kaila and Leslie talk about:• The lineage and family history that shape every child long before they "act out"• What actually happens inside Troubled Teen Industry (TTI) programs — the level system, the silence, the punitive structure• Why parents end up there in desperation, not malice — and what to look for if you have to send your child to a program• Outrvention: a whole-family intervention model where every member of the family gets their own treatment plan, not just the "identified patient"• Parenting teenagers while your own teenage self is still healing• The IFS-informed moment in Big Sur where Kaila finally let her adult self parent her teenage self• Navigating divorce, co-parenting, and what kids actually need when a family restructures• Why the most powerful thing a parent can do is heal themselves• Resilience, hope, and the belief that life is a journey of becoming, not arrivingTIMESTAMPS00:00 Welcome & introducing Kaila Miller02:30 Lineage: why your story starts before you do04:45 Childhood abuse, addiction at 12, and putting an abuser in prison08:30 Running away at 16 and the night the transporters came12:00 Inside a residential program: levels, silence, and "work hours"17:00 Hitting bottom on level two and making run plans20:00 Why families end up in the Troubled Teen Industry28:30 What Kaila wishes her parents had known31:00 If you have to send your child to a program what to look for35:30 December crisis, Big Sur, and meeting her teenage self41:00 Letting the adult self parent the inner teenager50:00 Lineage, family systems, and how patterns travel56:30 Why DSM diagnoses are not lifetime sentences61:30 Outrvention: a treatment plan for every member of the family68:00 Sons, fathers, and the work mothers don't always realize they're doing75:00 The most important thing a parent can do is heal themselves80:00 Becoming, not arriving where Kaila's conviction comes from83:00 Building resilience and reinstalling hope88:30 The brain wants to heal prescription over diagnosis93:30 What Kaila would tell her 16-year-old self97:00 Where to find Kaila, the book, and Outrvention ABOUT KAILAKaila Miller (Kaila Kraft) is a licensed therapist (AMFT), TTI survivor, mom of four, and the author of "Am I Changed?" — an Amazon Top New Release. She is the co-founder of Outrvention, a family-centered intervention model that treats the whole system rather than the "identified" child. WORK WITH LESLIE🌿 The Loom Life: theloomlife.com🧠 Loom Life Therapy (EMDR, IFS, trauma): loomlifetherapy.com💛 Coaching with Leslie: leslieellenmathews.com🎯 1:1 coaching & therapy — book a discovery call at theloomlife.com PROGRAMS✨ THROUGH — 8-week divorce coaching program for women → theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram ABOUT PULLING THREADSPulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity is a podcast for anyone navigating divorce, healing from trauma, and rebuilding their life with intention. New episodes weekly. CONTENT NOTEThis episode includes discus

Divorce isn't just emotional — it's physiological. In this solo episode, Leslie walks you through whole-person healing → theloomlife.com Work with Leslie:→ THROUGH (8-week divorce coaching program): theloomlife.com/through→ Mindful Untangling Community: theloomlife.com/community→ Book a 90-minute Power Session or Discovery Call: theloomlife.com — When clients first come to work with Leslie through divorce or a difficult breakup, they expect strategy sessions about their ex and the loss of the marriage. What surprises almost every one of them is that the real work — the work that determines whether they walk out grounded or limp out depleted — happens somewhere they didn't expect: in the body. Divorce is not primarily a legal event. It is not primarily an emotional event. It's a sustained physiological event your nervous system was never designed to carry for months or years. In this episode, Leslie pulls back the curtain on what she actually works on with clients — and why these are the conversations that change the outcome of a divorce, not just the experience of it. What you'll learn in this episode:• Why divorce is a physiological event — and what chronic cortisol does to your sleep, digestion, memory, and decision-making• The sleep, nutrition, and movement foundation that everything else stands on• Why pleasure and self-pleasure are nervous system co-regulation — not a distraction from healing• The honest question to ask yourself before you start dating again• Monkey branching: what it really means when your ex moves on quickly (and why it's not about you)• Why starting a new hobby literally rewires the brain during a rumination event• How to prepare for hard days — court dates, custody exchanges, first holidays — like an athlete prepares for competition This episode is for anyone going through a divorce or breakup, anyone preparing for one, and anyone who loves someone walking through it. It's for men. It's for women. It's for the friend in your group chat who is barely holding on. — RESOURCES MENTIONED• OMG Yes (women's pleasure education): omgyes.com• Blood work, hormone testing, and supplement support — talk to your own practitioner WORK WITH LESLIE• THROUGH — the 8-week divorce coaching program (small group or 1:1): theloomlife.com/through• Mindful Untangling — the divorce & breakup recovery community: theloomlife.com/community• 1:1 Coaching, 90-minute Power Sessions, and Discovery Calls: theloomlife.com• Therapy with Leslie (EMDR, IFS, trauma): loomlifetherapy.com• Leslie's main site: leslieellenmathews.com• Email: leslie@theloomlife.com FOLLOW & CONNECT• Instagram: @the.loom.life• TikTok: @leslieellenmathews• Podcast: Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity — wherever you listen — ABOUT LESLIELeslie Mathews is a former attorney turned therapist and divorce coach, the founder of The Loom Life, and the host of Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity. Her work supports people moving through divorce, breakup, and post-divorce transformation with a whole-person approach: body, nervous system, mind, and identity. — If this episode resonated, the kindest thing you can do is subscribe, leave a comment, and share it with someone who needs to hear it. Every share helps another person find this work. Keywords: divorce recovery, how to heal after divorce, divorce coaching for women, nervous system healing, whole-person divorce healing, divorce coaching program, life after divorce, healing podcast for women, mental health podcast for women, monkey branching, dating after divorce, rebuilding identity after divorce00:00Cold open — what clients are surprised we talk about02:00Welcome to Pulling Threads — episode intro04:00The reframe: divorce as a physiological event07:00What I assess first: your nervous system09:00Sleep is the foundation of everything else11:30Nutrition, hydration, and daily movement14:00The patterns I see in men vs. women15:30Supplements, blood work, and hormones17:30Pleasure & self-pleasure a

Why Divorce Loneliness Hits Men So Hard (And What's Actually Happening)This one is for the men. Specifically the men 40 to 60 who are coming out of a long marriage and don't have language for what their body is doing without her in it.Most of the content out there for divorced men is either selling you a playbook or pretending the loneliness will go away if you just download the apps. This is neither. This is the biology of what just happened to you, said plainly, by someone who actually likes you.We talk about:— Why the silence in the house is louder than you expected— Co-regulation: how your nervous system used your wife as an anchor for years without you knowing it— Why divorced men are statistically lonelier than widowed men and lonelier than divorced women— The 11pm trap (you know the one)— Why the next woman is probably going to look a lot like the last one if you skip the inner work— The three-part path back, none of it flashyThis is Episode 1 of a new playlist called For the Boys. The next episode — How to Be a Man a Woman Feels Safe With — picks up where this one leaves off.If this is more relevant to a man in your life than to you, send it to him. That's how it gets where it needs to go.⏱ CHAPTERS00:00 Boys. Hi. Pull up a chair.01:00 Why I'm making this episode (and a confession)02:30 Why you're here03:30 The hum that won't go away05:00 Your wife was your nervous system's anchor07:00 When the signal goes silent09:00 The 11pm trap10:30 The friend you don't have at 10pm12:30 Why this is a life-and-death conversation13:30 The instinct to find a new her14:30 Why the next one will look like the last one15:30 Three things that actually work17:30 A different shape of man18:00 You're not broken18:45 What's coming in Episode 2🧵 KEEP GOINGBook a discovery call with Leslie:https://theloomlife.com/discovery-call?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=youtube&utm_content=why-divorce-loneliness-hits-men-so-hardRead the written version on Substack:[insert your Substack URL here]Visit The LooM Life:https://theloomlife.com📚 REFERENCEDGS Youngblood — Masculine in Relationship (referenced in the Episode 2 tease)🪡 ABOUT PULLING THREADSPulling Threads is a podcast about attachment, nervous system regulation, and how human beings move through the big transitions — divorce, breakup, midlife, becoming. Hosted by Leslie of The LooM Life.💬 I'D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOUIf you're a man who has been through this, drop a comment. Tell us how long it took. What helped. What didn't. What you wish someone had told you at the beginning. Other men will read it.#fortheboys #divorcedmen #postdivorce #menshealing #nervoussystem #attachmenttheory #midlifedivorce #mensmentalhealth #dating40s #loneliness