Queer Sex Ed Podcast

On this episode of QSE, Sara talks with Mia Schachter (they/them) from Consent Wizardy and the You're Doing it Wrong Podcast about all things consent! Discussion includes people pleasing, lying to ourselves, moving beyond the victim/perpetrator binary, what to do with accountability through a non-police state lens, and consent as an atmosphere of your relationship instead of a one-time conversation. You can find more of Mia's work at www.consentwizardry.com and on Instagram @consent.wizardry. You can hear more from them by signing up for their consent educator classes and listening to their podcasts: "Share the Load" and "You're Doing it Wrong: A Podcast About Consent from a Twink and a Wh*re". You can also read their writing at www.consentwizardry.substack.com

This is a live workshop with Sara from the Southwest Love Fest conference in Phoenix, AZ. Discussions include finding overlapping desires, consent as a practice instead of a one-time agreement, safe words, and pain calibration (with a live demo). Follow along with the slides at www.queersexed.org and please share this with anyone who needs this information! Welcome back to QSE, everyone. I've missed you.

Sara and Jay are back this week to finish our discussion of justice-centered sex education! This week we discuss moral panics and also provide structure, guidance, and questions to ask yourself to build sex ed centered on trans justice. We tried to focus on offering structures, guidelines, and tangible ways you can question your own work, but there's no way we could cover everything in one show. For more on this, check out our previous episode, number 63, and also Episodes 1, 9, 11, 21, 23, 24, 34, and 53. Transcript: https://otter.ai/s/IicmJZnuTvGPk7Ojfgieqg Segments: 1:30 - Intro 4:59 - Word of the Show: Moral Panic 20:33 - Famous Moral Panics of the Past and Present 28:43 - Patreon Message 32:30 - Main Topic Intro 38:49 - 5 (+2 Extra) Steps for Building Justice-Centered Sex Education 44:32 - Working Backwards to Build a Foundation 49:11 - Power Dynamics and Sex Ed 56:11 - We Can't Do This Work in a Vacuum 59:02 - Helpful Guidelines to Start From 1:07:15 - Questions to Ask Yourself Show Links: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201507/moral-panic-who-benefits-public-fear https://www.newstatesman.com/culture/games/2019/08/moral-panic-over-fortnite-and-purpose-play https://www.aier.org/article/the-anatomy-of-a-moral-panic/ https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/youre-wrong-about/id1380008439 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/american-hysteria/id1441348407 https://rossieronline.usc.edu/youth-and-racism/akiea-gross-op-ed https://www.bgdblog.org/2016/04/how-sex-education-fails-people-of-color-in-the-united-states/ https://wearyourvoicemag.com/sex-and-health/sex/sex-education-centering-whiteness https://www.huffpost.com/entry/afrosexology-sex-positivity_n_5b69b913e4b0de86f4a59f1a http://www.nativeyouthsexualhealth.com/whatwebelievein.html https://rewire.news/article/2015/04/09/can-teach-kids-consent-without-bringing-sex-conversation/ https://theestablishment.co/the-sad-case-of-laci-green-feminist-hero-turned-anti-feminist-defender-322515344297/ https://www.themarysue.com/laci-green-terf-impression/ Sex Education Guidelines: https://www.bzga-whocc.de/en/publications/standards-in-sexuality-education/ https://siecus.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/Guidelines-CSE.pdf https://culturallyboundgender.wordpress.com/2013/03/09/toward-an-end-to-appropriation-of-indigenous-two-spirit-people-in-trans-politics-the-relationship-between-third-gender-roles-and-patriarchy/ https://www.bgdblog.org/2016/07/appropriating-two-spirit/ https://intersexroadshow.blogspot.com/2016/08/the-problematic-ideology-of-natural-sex.html

Join Jay and Sara as we explore the innies and outies of genital torture play (sometimes called CBT). We'll talk about pain tolerance, dysphoria, safety tips, and give examples of genital torture play you might never have thought about before! Transcript: https://otter.ai/s/Bjuvrzx9T2mvJ37L3CWrAQ Segments: 1:30 - Intro 7:21 - Word of the Show: Pain Tolerance 14:40 - How Do You Find Your Pain Tolerance? 22:40 - Patreon Message 25:57 - What is Genital Torture Play? 29:48 - Why Not Just Use "CBT"? 33:23 - Types of GT Play 52:42 - Trans-Specific Tips for GT 1:10:28 - Harm Reduction Safety Tips 1:23:04 - Negotiating GT Show notes: https://www.cnet.com/how-to/australian-fires-everything-we-know-about-the-crisis-and-how-you-can-help/ https://www.npr.org/2019/01/31/690363402/how-the-cia-overthrew-irans-democracy-in-four-days https://www.vice.com/en_ca/article/mg4pqn/we-asked-a-cock-and-ball-torture-expert-about-the-art-of-dilating-urethras https://www.teenvogue.com/story/anal-sex-what-you-need-to-know https://theprincessfantasy.com/blogs/news/figging-101-from-ancient-punishment-to-modern-pleasure https://sextoycollective.com/best-sex-machines/sybian-saddle/

Season 2 kicks off with a question episode catching up on your emails to us over the break! We discuss endometriosis, herpes transmission, identity-based humiliation play, and more! We are so excited to be back in your podcast feed with regular weekly episodes again. Transcript: https://otter.ai/s/p3FKnWmQTyS8jynNBQ_Mvw Segments: 2:35 - Season 2 changes to QSE 6:18 - Endometriosis and Testosterone HRT 20:11 - Identity-based Humiliation Play and Slurs 32:26 - Patreon Message 36:32 - Oral Herpes Transmission and Communicating Boundaries 53:21 - STI Risk with New Tongue Piercing 1:05:53 - Wrap Up 1:09:51 - Bonus! An Anti-Fascist Rant Show notes: [Last Week Tonight, Bias in Medicine] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TATSAHJKRd8 https://www.history.com/news/chamberlain-kahn-act-std-venereal-disease-imprisonment-women https://www.akpress.org/pleasure-activism.html Editors note: I accidentally left the same small clip of audio in the show at the end twice. I don't know how it happened, but I can't redo it without redoing the entire time-coded transcript so I'm leaving it in. I'll try and be more careful in the future.

Jay and Sara answer more questions from you, the listeners! Questions include bondage for disabled folks, lower sex drive on SSRIs, period sex, and Fetlife tips. Also discussed: new HHS regulations that discriminate against LGBTQ people. Segments: 3:07 - Accountability Corner 6:22 - New "Conscience Rule" in Effect Now 18:55 - Future HHS Regulation Proposed to Allow Discrimination 28:34 - Rope Bondage and Disability 38:35 - Lower Sex Drive on SSRI Medication for Depression 55:27 - Patreon Message 57:54 - Period Sex Taboos 1:14:32 - Fetlife Tips and Navigating Kink as a Newbie Show Links: Make a comment and learn more about new HHS guidelines at www.protecttranshealth.org https://www.huffpost.com/entry/and-then-they-came-for-tr_b_9258678 https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2015/03/23/indiana-house-passes-controversial-religious-freedom-bill/ https://www.splcenter.org/hatewatch/2018/05/15/10-things-you-need-know-about-tony-perkins-and-family-research-council http://www.brynntannehill.com/drums-in-the-deep/ https://www.postroehandbook.com/ Queer Sex Ed is going on tour in 2019 and you can bring us to your school, community center, workplace, or local dungeon! Learn more at www.queersexed.org/tour2019 or email queersexed@gmail.com to book your event with us or inquire about our sliding scale pricing. You can send your questions to queersexed@gmail.com for us to answer them on future shows. More information about our mission available at www.queersexed.org. This show is made possible by our generous Patreon supporters! If you find the show helpful and you are financially able to support us, consider joining our Patreon community at www.patreon.com/QueerSexEd. Any amount you can give makes a huge difference for us.

This week Jay and Sara give tips on doing kink play in free and cheap ways! Also discussed: Pervertables, classism in kink spaces, where to find cheap toys, and kinky craft time. Segments: 3:18 - Word of the Show, Pervertables 8:03 - Kinky Craft Time! 14:34 - Our Favorite Pervertables 26:50 - Pervertable Safety Tips 40:29 - Patreon Message 43:27 - Kink Doesn't Need to Be Expensive to Be Good 58:16 - Planning Your Cheap Kinky Play 1:06:12 - Tips for Exploring Kink Alone, With Partners, and With Strangers/Acquaintances Show Links: http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/bdsm_toy_bag.html https://archive.org/details/ThePrivilegeOfPerversitiesRaceClassAndEducationAmongPolyamoristsAndKinksters Queer Sex Ed is going on tour in 2019 and you can bring us to your school, community center, workplace, or local dungeon! Learn more at www.queersexed.org/tour2019 or email queersexed@gmail.com to book your event with us or inquire about our sliding scale pricing. You can send your questions to queersexed@gmail.com for us to answer them on future shows. More information about our mission available at www.queersexed.org. This show is made possible by our generous Patreon supporters! If you find the show helpful and you are financially able to support us, consider joining our Patreon community at www.patreon.com/QueerSexEd. Any amount you can give makes a huge difference for us.

This is the culmination of our four-part series on transgender medicine, focused on what a trans liberation future really looks like. What would it mean for all people to live, express, and love free from shame and the threat of violence? How can we work in solidarity with all marginalized people of intersecting identities to build a future of mutual support, honest communication, and unlimited love? Also discussed: A trans research update from Jay's conference including exciting news about HRT, fertility, PReP, and more! Segments: 2:32 - Trans Research Update of the Show! 6:57 - WPATH Changes Are a Mixed Bag 10:28 - HRT Research Updates 20:02 - PReP & HIV Prevention Research 28:16 - HRT and Fertility Study 44:18 - Public Health Updates 58:39 - Patreon Message 1:00:31 - What Would Trans Liberation Really Be? 1:20:15 - Envisioning Revolution Without Centering Violence 1:24:53 - Trans Liberation Isn't "Genderless" It's Genderful 1:33:02 - What Does Full Bodily Autonomy Look Like? 1:37:48 - What Else Would You Be Doing? Show Links: http://transhealth.ucsf.edu/protocols https://www.huffpost.com/entry/opinion-broadnax-afrofuturism-black-panther_n_5a85f1b9e4b004fc31903b95 https://chicagounbound.uchicago.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1052&context=uclf https://www.law.columbia.edu/pt-br/news/2017/06/kimberle-crenshaw-intersectionality Queer Sex Ed is going on tour in 2019 and you can bring us to your school, community center, workplace, or local dungeon! Learn more at www.queersexed.org/tour2019 or email queersexed@gmail.com to book your event with us or inquire about our sliding scale pricing. You can send your questions to queersexed@gmail.com for us to answer them on future shows. More information about our mission available at www.queersexed.org. This show is made possible by our generous Patreon supporters! If you find the show helpful and you are financially able to support us, consider joining our Patreon community at www.patreon.com/QueerSexEd. Any amount you can give makes a huge difference for us.

This week Sara and Jay begin their series about everything anal! This show covers the basics of butt anatomy, ass play safety tips, and all of the many reasons we enjoy butt stuff. Future episodes will cover more specific activities, answer your butt questions, and dive further into why there is so much stigma built up around butt sex and ass play. Segments: 3:16 - Word of the Show, Lube 29:43 - Patreon Message 33:19 - Basics of Ass Anatomy (Ass-natomy) 48:05 - Ass Play Examples 1:02:23 - Butt-Specific Safety Tips 1:26:48 - What We Like About Anal Sex and Ass Play Show Links: https://www.teenvogue.com/story/anal-sex-what-you-need-to-know https://www.redbubble.com/people/queersexed/works/32887307-buttbase-queer-sex-ed-t-shirt?p=classic-tee https://www.redbubble.com/people/queersexed/works/32890343-buttbase-queer-sex-ed-tote-bag?p=tote-bag&size=large https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/buttsex/ http://www.newnownext.com/ive-contracted-my-third-gastrointestinal-parasite-from-rimming-and-i-cant-be-the-only-gay-man-suffering/01/2018/ Queer Sex Ed is going on tour in 2019 and you can bring us to your school, community center, workplace, or local dungeon! Learn more at www.queersexed.org/tour2019 or email queersexed@gmail.com to book your event with us or inquire about our sliding scale pricing. You can send your questions to queersexed@gmail.com for us to answer them on future shows. More information about our mission available at www.queersexed.org. This show is made possible by our generous Patreon supporters! If you find the show helpful and you are financially able to support us, consider joining our Patreon community at www.patreon.com/QueerSexEd. Any amount you can give makes a huge difference for us.

Sara and Jay discuss the recently finalized trans military ban, including how we must address the impact of that on our community and still be abolitionist in our criticism of US imperialism and the military as an institution of violence. We also answer listener questions about staying dominant while you are bottoming, and navigating when one partner needs space when the other has abandonment trauma. Segments: 7:36 - Trans Military Ban 30:30 - Patreon Message 34:30 - Question Intro 41:22 - Question 1, Staying dominant while bottoming 52:30 - Question 2, What to do when one partner needs space and the other struggles with abandonment 1:10:18 - Question 3, Finding a trans-competent therapist for my son Show Links: - www.apnews.com/ae07308b29c342429c3c627b7fc0b404 - www.queertranswarban.wordpress.com - www.polyamoryonpurpose.com/polyamory-drama Queer Sex Ed is going on tour in 2019 and you can bring us to your school, community center, workplace, or local dungeon! Learn more at www.queersexed.org/tour2019 or email queersexed@gmail.com to book your event with us or inquire about our sliding scale pricing. You can send your questions to queersexed@gmail.com for us to answer them on future shows. More information about our mission available at www.queersexed.org. This show is made possible by our generous Patreon supporters! If you find the show helpful and you are financially able to support us, consider joining our Patreon community at www.patreon.com/QueerSexEd. Any amount you can give makes a huge difference for us.

This week Sara and Jay discuss different types of sensory deprivation play, including how to do it, what tools to use, and tips for staying safe. The word/phrase/concept discussed at the beginning is Dungeon Master (the kink kind, not the D&D kind). Segments: 2:33 Word of the Show, Dungeon Master 19:07 Patreon Message 20:21 Sensory Deprivation Intro 33:38 Why do folks like Sensory Dep? 46:36 Sensory Dep Safety 1:01:00 Fun stuff, toys, and personal stories! 1:23:21 Negotiation tips Queer Sex Ed is going on tour in 2019 and you can bring us to your school, community center, workplace, or local dungeon! Learn more at www.queersexed.org/tour2019 or email queersexed@gmail.com to book your event with us or inquire about our sliding scale pricing. You can send your questions to queersexed@gmail.com for us to answer them on future shows. More information about our mission available at www.queersexed.org. This show is made possible by our generous Patreon supporters! If you find the show helpful and you are financially able to support us, consider joining our Patreon community at www.patreon.com/QueerSexEd. Any amount you can give makes a huge difference for us.

This is an audio version of Sara's Medium article titled Protecting Transgender People Is Not A Political Choice. Read along here: https://medium.com/@QSE/protecting-transgender-people-is-not-a-political-choice-c5c2187f3773 QSE will be back NEXT WEEK, I promise. Thank you for your patience and understanding You can send your questions to queersexed@gmail.com for us to answer them on future shows. More information about our mission available at www.queersexed.org. This show is made possible by our generous Patreon supporters! If you find the show helpful and you are financially able to support us, consider joining our Patreon community at www.patreon.com/QueerSexEd. Any amount you can give makes a huge difference for us.

Sara and Jay celebrate a new year by looking back at their favorite moments, best sex toys, top kink memories, and a special surprise segment about making mistakes. Also we look forward to think about our intentions for the next year. Join us, and maybe ask yourself or your partner(s) who listen these same questions: What things are you celebrating from 2018? What are you trying to be intentional about in the next year? What things do you think people may have missed in 2018? What mistakes have you made in your sex, kink, dating, social life and what did you learn from them? What is your favorite sex/intimate memory from the last year? What is your kink memory from the last year? What is your favorite new or rediscovered sex toy from the last year? Queer Sex Ed is going on tour in 2019 and you can bring us to your school, community center, workplace, or local dungeon! Learn more at www.queersexed.org/tour2019 or email queersexed@gmail.com to book your event with us or inquire about our sliding scale pricing. You can send your questions to queersexed@gmail.com for us to answer them on future shows. More information about our mission available at www.queersexed.org. This show is made possible by our generous Patreon supporters! If you find the show helpful and you are financially able to support us, consider joining our Patreon community at www.patreon.com/QueerSexEd. Any amount you can give makes a huge difference for us.