Rethinking Rock Bottom

Treatment providers spend significant amounts of time having vulnerable conversations with people but rarely share their own stories. On this final episode of the first season of "Rethinking Rock Bottom", hosts Dr. Carrie Wilkens and Reverend Jan M. Brown take the opportunity to share their own experiences and some of the personal reasons that they are so passionate about helping families heal. They each navigated very different paths that led to their work of helping people heal, and their deeply personal reasons keep them both motivated to do this important work. Together they each share their journey to CMC:Foundation for Change, the struggles and realizations they encountered along the way, and how hope has led them to serving and supporting others as they navigate their own paths toward healing. "We are hopeful every day and are rewarded by seeing the people we work with make small daily changes and over time, deeply meaningful life changes." [:00] Carrie and Jan take the opportunity of the final episode of season one to share the paths that led each of them to their work at Foundation for Change. [1:52] Growing up in rural Kansas, Carrie was a novelty-seeking, risk-taking kid whose binge drinking led to compulsive behaviors with food. [5:14] Bulimia became Carrie's coping mechanism in college, and even therapy didn't entirely help her address and heal from her behavior. [7:05] Jan's story of treatment and change involves more systems, substances, and countries, and started at a very young age. [9:46] By the time she was in high school, Jan was reliant on alcohol but didn't fully understand the role substances were playing in her coping strategies. [11:30] As a cadet at West Point, Jan had no other choice but to face her reliance on alcohol. [14:02] "I didn't want to die" — after falling down the stairs, Jan was ready to begin her journey to change for good. [15:46] What causes people to seek change is different for each person, which means patience is essential as people explore what kind of support works best for them. [17:05] Jan's approach to sobriety was slow and defiant, but the learning process helped her recognize what she didn't want for her life. [21:00] The treatment center staff encouraged Jan's change in behavior and helped her know that she was, eventually, going to be okay. [22:58] Sustaining behavior change requires ongoing support after treatment is 'complete'. [23:33] The CRAFT model highlights the importance of utilizing families as an asset in a clinical setting. [25:30] Jan's criticism of AA led her to start Spirit Works and eventually join with the Invitation to Change and Beyond Addiction. [31:52] Recognizing the untapped potential of families and communities transformed Carrie's work as a clinician. [35:25] Compassion for both the people who are using and their families is what drives this podcast and the work that Jan and Carrie do. [37:20] Jan reflects on her spiritual journey and the privilege of working with families who love each other so fiercely. [39:24] The hope that Carrie and Jan each feel as treatment providers who help families heal. Additional Resources: CMC: Foundation For Change Beyond Addiction Workbook: https://beyondaddictionworkbook.com/ Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change Tweetables: "All that I would've said to you about my younger years was that I had a great time. In hindsight, I think, wow, there was a lot wrong about what was going on." — Carrie "Everything looked okay on the outside, but on the inside I was pretty jumbled up." — Carrie "I didn't know how to manage my feelings… so I would drink or I would use drugs or I would behave badly, and that would mean that I wouldn't have to feel and process things that I had no idea how to do." — Jan "29 years into a marriage, my husband still has to remind me to ask for help. I think it's a lifelong journey for some of us, right?" — Carrie "I wasn't moving towards anything really, because I had nothing. But I knew what I didn't want." — Jan "If you're only working with the person with a problem, you are missing so much information." — Carrie "Your loved one may never seek treatment. In fact, most people don't. And they can still get better and your family can get better." — Carrie "You can't shave off the pain and expect to only find happiness. You actually have to have the whole arc." — Carrie "I will go to Hell and back with you. All I ask that you do is to show up." — Jan "It may not look like you think it's going to look when you start the journey and you may have to be very patient for it to happen, but things will get better." — Carrie

This episode we speak with Dave and Tina, parents whose son, Craig, struggled with his mental health from a young age. As he got older, substances entered the picture as well. When Dave and Tina tried to help, they found themselves ping-ponging between worlds. Addiction providers told them that their son needed mental health support, while the mental health programs said he needed to treat his substance use issues first. All of this left Dave and Tina floundering as they desperately tried to help their son.Dave and Tina eventually found a different approach (a combination of CRAFT and the ITC) which helped them learn communication skills and positive reinforcement strategies to help their son and keep their family connected. "We can't climb inside their heads and take over the controls and steer them away from their drugs, but we can be the reason they choose recovery." [2:06] Dave and Tina's 43 years together began with a cancer battle, infertility treatments, and the adoption of their two sons Craig and Sean. [4:02] Early signs that Craig's development wasn't progressing like other children. [7:15] It was Craig's girlfriend who first alerted Dave and Tina to his substance abuse. [8:10] The impact of complex co-occurring issues on the entire family. [9:50] A lack of support from the school compounded Dave and Tina's struggles. [10:53] Each family member will have their own reaction to a loved one's addiction problems. [12:20] The 5-Step Model helps families understand how they can support and meet their loved ones where they currently are, rather than where they are. [14:15] "Things got worse before they got better." [16:40] Dave found what he needed in support groups, but neither Tina nor Dave knew how to communicate their struggles at work. [21:02] After being diagnosed with autism, Craig's behaviors slowly began to stabilize. [23:55] The point when increased self-awareness and communication skills allowed natural consequences to also play a part in Craig's recovery. [25:22] CRAFT and the Invitation to Change are designed to help teach communication skills and reinforcement strategies that help everyone involved. [29:13] The positive influence that Dave and Tina have had on Craig has allowed him to problem-solve on his own and support other people in his life. [32:46] The importance of trust in healing a broken relationship. [34:20] Dave and Tina's son Sean has experienced his own strides in growth over the years. [36:10] Tactics that Dave and Tina have learned to support each other. [38:30] Advice from parents who have navigated through years of turmoil in a mental health crisis. Additional Resources: Dave and Tina's Support Groups: https://www.alternat-i-ves.org/index.html CMC: Foundation For Change Beyond Addiction Workbook Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change Invitation to Change: A Short Guide SpiritWorks Foundation National Autistic Society Support for Families with Autistic Child Tweetables: "It's no rock bottom for the family members. It's a constant rollercoaster ride." — Dave "It was almost like he was a pressure cooker waiting to go off, and until that steam had gone, he just couldn't cope with his frustration and anger." — Tina "When you know you're doing the right thing and people put seeds of doubt in your mind, you start to think, 'Am I doing the right thing?'" — Tina "I realized that it didn't actually matter what the drug of choice was. Alcohol, gambling, heroin. The family's going through exactly the same." — Dave "Sometimes you, some of those natural consequences really do work and you don't really know which one's going to work. You just have to try things." — Dave "I'm gonna be the best dad I can possibly be for him. And if I have to learn some tools about it to get there, then I will learn those tools." — Dave "I've never wanted him to say sorry. I've just always wanted to see him get better and get healthy." — Tina "It's important to be together, supporting each other as well as giving each other a little bit of space and encouraging you to do things for yourselves as well." — Tina "I don't need to know all of the answers to these problems and that's been really helpful." — Dave "There needs to be more family support so that when people leave recovery, their families are on their side." — Dave

Watching a loved one struggle with substances is always confusing and painful, but from the perspective of a sibling, it can be particularly hard to understand. Even though siblings often notice the substance use before the rest of the family, as peers, they lack the tools and perspective to fully recognize what's happening, and including parents can feel like a betrayal. On this episode of "Rethinking Rock Bottom", hosts Dr. Carrie Wilkens and Reverend Jan M. Brown welcome Meg and Stephen, siblings who were very close and then grew apart as substance use played an increasingly complicated role in their relationship. Together they highlight the struggles of Stephen's substance misuse, the secrets and burdens that Meg felt that she had to carry alone, and why she, as a sibling, did not fully understand or appreciate her role in Stephen's healing journey. Sibling dynamics are complicated, to begin with, and substance use disorder tends to amplify underlying tensions. The damage can take years to repair, long after the substances are gone, but together Stephen and Meg share the hope they have found in their relationship as they have each healed. "Sibling relationships are so important within a family, especially during a crisis. Together we heal." [:30] Siblings Stephen and Meg were constants in each other's childhood despite multiple international moves and the introduction of substance use. [4:29] A picture-perfect childhood coupled with bouts of anxiety and depression were complicated by early access to alcohol. [7:44] Substance misuse warning signs in adolescence can be hard to spot amidst normal teenage experimentation, but Stephen recognized his own problems early on. [9:00] The college party scene led Stephen to drink and experiment with hallucinogens until a tragedy turned his substance use into self-medication. [12:59] Despite a precarious balancing act of substance use, Stephen's professional life wasn't slowing down at all. [14:20] The point when Meg realized that Stephen was using heavily and had grown more paranoid as a result. [15:42] In the Invitation to Change approach, ambivalence is normal and can come in many forms depending on the family context. [16:40] Stephen's graduation experience was a turning point in the family's awareness of his drug use. [21:06] Meg reflects on the state of Stephen's apartment and how she felt once she started sharing her feelings with their mom. [23:04] In rehab, some elements of the healing process caused more harm than good for the entire family. [26:12] When Meg finally needed Stephen's support, he wasn't there for her because he was too deep in post-acute withdrawal. [30:00] Rebuilding a broken sibling relationship started when Stephen realized that his using and healing affected more than just him. [33:39] Being "done with it" is a completely normal part of the sibling experience of substance use disorder. [35:16] Stephen's hope for the siblings who are facing the same challenges as he put Meg through, and her hope for siblings who are ready to repair broken relationships. Additional Resources: CMC: Foundation For Change Beyond Addiction Workbook: https://beyondaddictionworkbook.com/ Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change Massachusetts Overdose Prevention Helpline Tweetables: "I think the closer you are, the more complicated relationships can get." — Meg "We have quite a bit of alcohol use in our family so I recognized early warning signs that I needed to slow down." — Stephen "I tried to stay strong for people, instead of actually experiencing the grief myself, and processing it, and crying. Instead, I just repressed it with more drinking and just trying to avoid dealing with the problem." — Stephen "There's plenty of ways you can explain away behavior, and I was a pro at explaining away behavior." — Stephen "At that point, there were no more secrets. I felt much worse when I was keeping secrets." — Meg "I felt like I was not forgotten. I was feeling consistent and helpful and like I'm showing up to rehab and then I was given this label and then as things unfolded after that that was what was in my head." — Meg "I didn't realize Megan was mad at me for the three years that she was mad at me. Because I was so not self-aware and so self-absorbed." — Stephen "I would like parents to know that the sibling is going through something as difficult, if not worse, and just as difficult as the parents are going through and they're going through it in a very different time in their lives, in a time of growth and a time when they're meant to be still focused on themselves." — Meg "A sibling is in a unique position to be able to offer that viewpoint without criticizing somebody's use directly." — Stephen

Welcome To Rethinking Rock Bottom