Sex Advice for Seniors Podcast

What if intimacy in later life isn’t really about sex at all?In this episode of Sex Advice for Seniors, I speak with George Goulburn, a straight male escort in his 50s, who works with women in their 50s, 60s, 70s, and even 80s.What he shares challenges almost every assumption about escorting, desire, and connection in later life.Far from quick, transactional encounters, George’s clients are seeking something deeper: emotional connection, safety, touch, and the chance to feel seen and desired again, often after years or even decades without intimacy.We explore what women really want as they age, how confidence and sexual identity evolve, and why honest conversations about desire are still so rare.This episode is honest, surprising, and deeply human, and it might just change how you think about intimacy in later life.Getting started with sex toys?GITM PLAYBOOK has a fabulous range of toys, plus a handy guide to help you pick the ones that suit you best.Use my code: SUZANNE20 for 20% off.ABOUT SUZANNE:Suzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of the Sex Advice for Seniors podcast—one of the top-rated shows empowering people 50+ to embrace confident, joyful intimacy. Known for her candid, warm, and often humorous approach, Suzanne challenges age-related taboos, misinformation, and awkward conversations about sex after 50. She helps millions around the world navigate their sexual lives with pleasure, connection, and self-assurance. Because life is too short for bad sex... or silence about it.CONNECT WITH SUZANNE:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexadviceforseniorsFacebook:https://www.facebook.com/sexadviceforseniorsTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniorsSubstack: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.comWANT MORE?Visit the Website: https://sexadviceforseniors.com — includes FREE guides and resources for better sex at any age.Free Downloadable Guide: 10 Most Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex PDF: https://subscribepage.io/suzannenoblefreebieSign Up for My FREE Newsletter: https://sexadviceforseniors.comOvercome Erectile Dysfunction & Stay Firm: https://www.stayfirmprogram.comCheck Out My Storefront for Better Sex: https://zaap.bio/stayfirmInterested in 1:1 Coaching or Custom Sex Advice for Seniors Sessions? https://tidycal.com/suzannenoble/30-minute-mentoringCONNECT WITH GEORGE:Website https://www.georgegoulburn.com/Instagram https://www.instagram.com/georgegoulburnofficialYouTube https://www.youtube.com/@George_GoulburnFacebook. https://www.facebook.com/george.goulburn.2023Chapters:00:00 Introduction: Why this conversation matters00:25 Meet George: A male escort for women over 5003:20 Why intimacy takes time, not just sex08:30 Who hires male escorts and why11:20 What women really want16:00 Do clients fall in love?18:40 Ethical non-monogamy and dating life21:40 Creating safety, trust, and consent27:40 Myths about male escorts29:00 Why older women don’t want “perfect” bodies31:20 Why we struggle to talk about sex34:20 Sex with older virgins: a hidden reality35:50 The real outcome: confidence and self-worth This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

Erectile dysfunction is often treated as a physical issue, but this conversation explores the emotional, psychological, and lifestyle factors that can sit underneath it. Suzanne Noble opens with a personal reflection on how ED can be an early warning sign of more serious health problems, before introducing guest Tom Jenkins, author of The Drunk Gambler with Erectile Dysfunction.Tom speaks candidly about his early sexual experiences, the role alcohol and gambling played in masking insecurity, and how poor confidence shaped his relationship with sex. He explains how honest communication with a partner, lifestyle changes, meditation, exercise, improved diet, and a major change of environment all contributed to his recovery. He also discusses why he eventually moved away from relying only on medication and toward addressing the root causes of his struggles.The conversation also covers the link between erectile dysfunction and drinking, the pressure men can feel around performance, and why shame often prevents men from seeking help. Tom shares how an ayahuasca retreat became a turning point, helping him confront deeper issues and rebuild his life with more self-awareness and stability. The episode closes with a reminder that every person’s healing path is different, and that responsible, supported approaches matter when exploring alternative therapies.Why listenThis episode is for anyone interested in sexual health, men’s wellness, emotional resilience, recovery from unhealthy habits, and the connection between intimacy and confidence. It offers a grounded, honest conversation about ED that goes beyond quick fixes and into real-life change.Key topicsErectile dysfunction and what it can signal.Alcohol, gambling, and sexual confidence.Shame, performance pressure, and communication in relationships.Lifestyle changes, meditation, exercise, and diet.Medication versus root-cause healing.Psychedelics and responsible use in personal healing.SEO keywordserectile dysfunction, men’s sexual health, senior sex advice, confidence and intimacy, alcohol and erectile dysfunction, gambling addiction recovery, sexual wellness, relationship communication, natural ED solutions, lifestyle change, men over 50, emotional healing, sexual performance anxiety, healthy intimacy, podcast about sexFAQWhat causes erectile dysfunction besides age?Erectile dysfunction can be connected to stress, alcohol use, low confidence, relationship issues, and broader health problems, not just age.Can lifestyle changes improve erectile dysfunction?This episode highlights how better diet, exercise, reduced drinking, meditation, and emotional honesty can support improvement.Is erectile dysfunction always physical?No. In this conversation, ED is presented as a mix of physical, emotional, and psychological factors.Does medication solve erectile dysfunction permanently?Medication can help symptoms, but Tom and Suzanne discuss the importance of addressing root causes too This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

Everyone I know my age has a theory about why dating got so grim. My guest this week has a different one, and it stung a little.Scot McKay has coached men and women through dating for twenty years, and in all that time, I’d never once interviewed a male dating coach. He’s blunt, a bit contrarian, and he made a case I wasn’t expecting.If you’re struggling with unreliable erections, check out my new program: https://www.stayfirmprogram.comReady to Go Deeper?Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:✨ Full access to my sexy stories🎙️ The complete archive of 175+ expert-led podcasts💬 Entry to my private members-only chat room📘 My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.Your support makes the weekly podcast and blog possible and helps keep this work (and me) going. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

Two things can be true at the same time. I am grateful to be alive long enough to go through menopause. I am also furious about how little we are told about what happens to our genitals as we age.This week on Sex Advice for Seniors, after nearly 200 episodes, I finally said the words “clitoral atrophy” out loud. Mindset and lifestyle coach Tanya Leake joined me to walk through what actually happens. Falling estrogen thins the tissues. Blood flow drops. The clitoris becomes less sensitive, takes longer to wake up, and sometimes goes quiet. In some cases, the hood fuses over the head of the clitoris. There is a name for it. Clitoral adhesion. Most women have never been told this is a thing. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

Most couples dealing with erectile dysfunction have no idea what else to do. So they rely on pills, which turns sex into a performance. Nobody’s having pleasure. They’re just trying to recreate what worked when they were 17.This week on Sex Advice for Seniors, I talk to Amy Color, intimacy and relationship coach with 20 years of experience, about why couples therapy so often makes things worse, what intimacy actually means, and why penetration is a man’s least effective move. She built her entire method because she couldn’t find anyone who could help her own marriage. Now she turns couples around in six weeks.Here’s what we cover:* Why couples therapy can feel like “a slow, expensive divorce.”* The real difference between love, sex, and intimacy* Why is erectile dysfunction quietly destroying men’s lives* How to explore whole-body pleasure that actually works at midlife* Why scheduling intimacy isn’t unromantic. It’s how you make it happenFollow Amy here:* Instagram* Facebook* LinkedIn * YouTube* Amy’s TED TalkReady to Go Deeper?Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:✨ Full access to my sexy stories🎙️ The complete archive of 175+ expert-led podcasts💬 Entry to my private members-only chat room📘 My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.Your support makes the weekly podcast and blog possible and helps keep this work (and me) going. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

There’s no cut-off point when it comes to understanding what you like in bed as my guest on this week’s podcast, Kathy Kay, discovered. Kathy is, for those who know their podcasters, the wildly successful New York based host of the Strictly Anonymous podcast and what a treat it was to have her come on Sex Advice for Seniors.Over 11 years, she has been collecting anonymous sexual confessions. Over 1300 of them and guess what? (She makes my 180+ episodes seem pedestrian, in comparison!). The over 60s are consistently her most surprising guests, with many in their 70s confessing that it was only recently they discovered their sexual preferences.There’s a couple in her new book, Secret Sex Lies of Total Strangers, who met after their spouses died and built a sex barn in their backyard. In their 70s. Neither of them saw it coming and they’re having a blast.Here’s what we cover:* Couples in their 70s having the best sex of their lives* The sex barn story you won’t forget in a hurry* Why open relationships are often closer than conventional ones* Men with decades of secrets and what finally changes at 50* Why desire grows as you get older, not the other way roundTo see exclusive photos of Kathy’s female guests, gain access to her private Discord channel where conversations get extra naughty, hear anonymous confessions, and receive all episodes early and ad-free, listeners can join the Strictly Anonymous Podcast Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcastKathy’s book, Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers—a collection of short, super sexy, true stories—is now available for pre-order. Get a copy here.To join SDC and receive a free trial, click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or visit SDC.com and use code 37712.Call the Confessions Hotline at 347-420-3579 (available 24/7). All voices are changed to ensure anonymity.Follow along:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=enWebsite: http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/All links: https://linktr.ee/StrictlyanonymouspodcastMy new program for men with Erectile Dysfunction. Check it out here, current introductory offer only $49.99 https://www.stayfirmprogram.comUnlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.More than ever, I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you are able. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

Have you ever turned down a pool party because you didn’t want to be seen in a swimsuit? Avoided intimacy because you couldn’t stop thinking about your body? Junie Moon spent decades doing exactly that.Junie is a love coach who works primarily with women in the second half of life. She helps them navigate dating, starting over, and learning to want themselves again. But before she could do any of that work for others, she had to do it for herself. So in 2016, she did something most of us would never consider: she had her naked body painted by internationally known body painter Andy Golub, filmed the whole thing, and turned it into a mini documentary called Shed the Shame.It didn’t start as a grand statement. Junie had a live streaming show and Andy was a guest. Mid-conversation, she asked if he’d paint her body while they filmed. He said yes. And then the dread set in.Her stomach went into knots. Andy paints naked people. What was she doing? She spent a month sitting with the question: was this for attention, or was there a real message here? The answer came when she realised there was more risk in not doing it. She had already missed out on pool parties, beach trips, living freely in her own skin. The fact that she could even consider standing naked in front of a camera meant something had already shifted.She decided to go all in and she hired a videographer. She screened the resulting short at film festivals, sat in a cinema watching herself on a huge screen, naked. Not because she felt perfect but because healing is possible, and she wanted to prove it.What she found wasn’t perfection. It was about the fact that she’d given herself permission.That’s the word that keeps coming up in Junie’s work. Not transformation, not a before-and-after, but permission. Permission to take up space. Permission to let someone touch you. Permission to be seen, imperfect and whole at once. Her partner tells her he loves every inch of her, every curve. She can receive it, she says, because she’s done enough of her own work to mostly believe it.“My body is a vehicle,” she says. “It’s holding my beautiful spirit.” But there’s a lot of old messaging, she adds, that tells us we’re not enough. Her work is helping women trace that messaging back to its roots and stop letting it make decisions for them.It’s the same work I’ve been doing in my own way. I’ve been going to Cap d’Agde, a naturist village in the south of France, for years. Forty thousand naked people wandering around, shopping, cycling, living. (If you’ve never been there, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience!). And what you see quickly is that no one looks like the magazines. The women who look perfect in clothes have stretch marks. Everyone’s got something going on. It’s the single most effective cure for body shame I’ve ever found.Junie agrees. She’s done nude beaches herself. Seeing real, unfiltered bodies in their every shape and size just brings you back to reality, she says. The body is unique and beautiful and different. And even the people you’d wish you looked like have their own insecurities.That’s the whole message. Not that we have to love what we see in the mirror every day. But that we can stop being at war with it.Key Takeaways* Body shame isn’t a personal failure. It’s old programming, and it can be reprogrammed.* Seeing real, unfiltered bodies, at nude beaches, in documentaries, in honest conversation, is one of the most powerful antidotes to shame.* You don’t have to believe you’re beautiful every day. You just have to stop letting the belief that you’re not run your choices.* Confidence is the most attractive quality in any room, at any size, at any age.* You can keep your clothes on during sex and still feel fully seen. Do what works for you.* Movement connects directly to desire. When we move our bodies, we move our energy. Everything wakes up.Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.More than ever, I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you are able. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

Most couples have their story memorised. When they met, what went wrong, why things aren’t what they used to be. They’ve told it so many times it feels like a fact.And that’s the problem.Dr. Dan Sneider is a couples therapist and the founder of IntimacyShift.com. He works with two distinct groups of older people: couples who’ve been together for decades, and people starting over in their 50s and 60s but carrying years of history with them. Both tend to arrive stuck in the same way, often telling a story about their relationship that stopped being accurate a long time ago.One of Dan’s favourite tools comes from researchers John and Julie Gottman. He calls it the Story of Us. He asks couples to tell the story of their relationship and he says, that most have it memorised. That, he says, is where the work begins because if part of that story is “the passion faded,” that belief is now embedded, and better communication alone won’t shift it.We also talked about something I personally found frightening in my marriage : disclosing my desires. Not the everyday stuff but the wants you’ve kept quiet about for years, maybe decades. The ones that feel genuinely risky to say out loud.Dan’s approach isn’t to say everything at once. He talks about volume knobs. Turning down the fear a little, not eliminating it and scheduling regular time to talk about intimacy the same way you’d schedule the gym. Building safety in small stages rather than waiting for a perfect moment that never comes.We got into conflict too. Specifically, why couples who live for big dramatic ups and downs are actually hardwiring themselves for pain. You know, the stuff of which movie romances are made. The repair is harder and the dopamine hit of drama becomes part of what they expect from love. Dan’s antidote sounds deceptively simple: I-language. “I feel unseen” instead of “you never.” It changes everything about how the repair goes.Dan uses emotionally focused therapy, a model developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. He recommended her book Hold Me Tight to anyone who wants to understand it. The model runs 12 to 20 sessions, and Dan is refreshingly transparent about this: if you’re not seeing progress within that window, more sessions won’t fix it.He also runs a 12-week online programme through IntimacyShift.com for couples who can’t access therapy locally or want to do the work on their own schedule. Yes, it’s expensive and that’s the point. Couples who invest are the ones who show up and do the work.There’s a free tool on his website as well: a six-step framework for unlocking intimate conversations. A good place to start if everything else feels like too much right now.What Matters* The story you tell about your relationship shapes how you feel about it. It can be rewritten.* Disclosing desires doesn’t require going all in at once. Build safety in stages.* Schedule intimacy conversations like any other practice that matters to you.* Fight with I-language, not you-language. The repair is easier, and so is the making up.* Rebuilding after infidelity or betrayal is possible. Dan has seen it happen.* Emotionally focused therapy runs 12 to 20 sessions. That’s the research-backed window for lasting change.Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.More than ever, I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you are able at https://sexadviceforseniors.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

You’re not past it. You may even be approaching your peak.A psychiatrist just told me that women tend to reach their highest sexual satisfaction at 64. I’m 64. And I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard the opposite message, that desire fades, that this is the time to wind down, that the body just stops cooperating.Dr. Shila Patel has been listening to patients talk about sex, relationships, and desire for 25 years. She grew up in Kenya, went to medical school in England, and spent the bulk of her career practicing psychiatry in the American South before retiring at 51. When the pandemic hit and the Me Too movement was at its peak, she started writing. Two books later, she’s on a mission to reach people that one-on-one clinical work never could.She’s also nearly 70, still sexually active, and completely unapologetic about both.What struck me most in our conversation wasn’t just the 64 statistic - which I found astounding (I hadn’t ever heard before!), it was the context. Because while women are approaching their sexual peak, men are often stepping back. Erectile dysfunction, reduced interest, withdrawal. Dr. Patel saw this pattern constantly in clinical practice, and she sees it in her own life and I’ve certainly seen it in my own. Women in her condominium complex, all roughly her age, laugh and joke about it. It’s a real thing. And most women, she says, just go quiet and accept it.That acceptance is partly cultural. Dr. Patel grew up in Indian culture, where sex was not discussed. Full stop. Not by parents, not between siblings, not even now. At 70, she and her sister have never once discussed whether either has had an orgasm. She described watching a preview of a Bollywood film where a group of women, talking about an upcoming wedding, couldn’t form the word for orgasm. They landed on “intense pleasure.” She said it with affection and exasperation in equal measure.But she’s quick to say this isn’t an Indian problem, or an Asian problem. It’s a human problem. Americans of her generation were raised the same way. Her 91-year-old mother still tenses slightly when hugged. The silence around sex, pleasure, and desire crosses every culture she encountered in 25 years of clinical work.What can be done about it? Quite a lot, actually.Dr. Patel was frank about her own experience with vaginal atrophy and vaginismus after a hysterectomy and the way the body can, as she put it, just close up. Her gynaecologist prescribed estradiol cream, and it changed everything. Lubrication, libido, comfort. It also dramatically reduces UTIs and vaginal infections, something most women are never told. I have my own version of this story: I found out about vaginal estrogen from a friend, not a single healthcare professional. When I complained about painful sex, she asked if I was on vaginal estrogen. I was angry that no doctor had mentioned it.If you’re avoiding sex because it hurts, or because desire has gone quiet, it’s worth asking about estradiol cream/pessaries or ring. It has certainly changed my life.Dr. Patel’s bigger message is about permission. Permission to still want sex at 70. Permission to tell your partner what you need — including that if they’ve stepped back, you might need to look elsewhere for that connection. Permission to adapt: different positions, more patience, a lot of laughter, and no more hanging off the chandeliers.She said it plainly: we only go through this life once. Are you going to make the most of what you enjoy?Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.More than ever, I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you are able. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

Can a marriage survive infidelity?This week I spoke with Renelle Nelson, a licensed marriage and family therapist who’s spent 11 years specialising in affair recovery. She helps couples rebuild after betrayal, when everything’s shattered and nobody knows where to start.Turns out infidelity isn’t just sex outside the marriage. It’s anytime you go outside your relationship to get pleasure that should be shared within it. Money. Communication. Emotional affairs. Physical ones. Renelle prefers the word “betrayal” because it’s more accurate. You break contracts you didn’t realise you’d signed.Here’s the thing nobody talks about: it’s not a male sport anymore. In her practice, men and women cheat in equal numbers. Women are leaving marriages after raising kids, after becoming empty nesters. The emotional labour falls heavily on them. Sometimes an affair is escape from domesticity. Not dissatisfaction. Escape.So what does affair recovery actually look like?Different from regular marriage counselling, for starters. More talking won’t prevent betrayal. More sex won’t prevent it. More date nights won’t prevent it. The only things that stop betrayal are communication and not wanting to do it. That’s it.Renelle’s approach: you can’t heal what you can’t reveal. She works with the person who cheated first. Who did they become? What need were they trying to meet? Then she works with the person who stayed. Both deserve healing. Neither caused the affair, but both are responsible for their part in the marriage moving forward.I asked whether opening a relationship after betrayal ever works.Her answer was direct: it doesn’t. Couples who open relationships successfully do so from trust and solid foundation. Starting that journey on a lie, with one partner settling because they can’t keep the other person faithful, almost always fails. If you can’t communicate basic needs with one person, adding more people just multiplies the chaos.My favourite bit? Renelle’s seeing younger couples come to therapy after dating a month, maybe two. They want to learn how to communicate before problems arrive. They’re treating therapy as education, not crisis management. They want enhancement, exploration, education, eroticism. That last one matters most.Eroticism is what’s missing in long-term relationships, she said. When it leaves, people turn to porn. When you think you know everything about your partner, desire dries up.Literally.As Renelle put it: “When you think you know it all, that means you dried up. You’re not getting hard or wet.”Fair point.What Matters* Women cheat just as much as men now. The numbers are equal.* Affair recovery heals individuals first, then the relationship.* You can’t heal what you refuse to reveal. Truth comes before repair.* Opening relationships after betrayal rarely works. Trust must exist first.* Eroticism sustains long-term desire. Mystery matters more than familiarity.* Younger couples seek therapy as prevention. That’s actual progress.Check out these resources from Renelle:The Pleasure Agenda: Couples Edition Undated PlannerPleasure After Betrayal: Aftercare Edition Undated PlannerThe Couple’s Connection DeckConnect with RenelleWebsite https://renellenelson.thinkific.com/InstagramFacebookUnlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscribe This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

If you’ve been in a long-term relationship for years (or decades), there’s a good chance this sentence will feel uncomfortably familiar: “We haven’t had sex in years, and I don’t know how to fix it.”That’s exactly why this week’s episode of Sex Advice for Seniors hits such a very familiar nerve for me, because it speaks to my own experience.My guest, Elana Auerbach, didn’t come on the podcast with a tidy theory or a list of bedroom “tips.” She came with something far more useful: a lived solution and I’m all about practical ways to fix everyday problems. After nearly twelve years of frustration, mismatched desire, and quietly building resentment in her marriage, Elana and her husband found their way back to intimacy through something surprisingly simple: a weekly, scheduled pleasure practice she now calls The Sure Thing .Yes, scheduled sex. You know, the type of sex I harp on about infinitum. In fact, as I openly shared in the conversation, putting intimacy in the diary can be deeply liberating. When the time is protected, there’s no negotiating, no wondering if tonight is “the night,” no mental load filled with grocery lists or laundry. The body and brain get advance notice: this time is for pleasure. For many women, especially as we agem anticipation alone can gently press our internal intimacy accelerator, much like a car long forgotten in the garage. Once neglected and dust-covered, it’s now a vehicle we’ve chosen to repair, restore, and bring back to life.What makes Elana’s approach refreshing is that it removes performance pressure entirely. The intention isn’t orgasm. Sex isn’t mandatory. Penetration isn’t the goal. The only aim is to deepen intimacy, pleasure, and connection. Sometimes that leads to sex. Sometimes it doesn’t. And paradoxically, that’s exactly why it works.A big turning point in the episode is the discussion around responsive desire - the very normal experience of not feeling “in the mood” until touch, closeness, or sensual context begins. Many older women assume their libido has disappeared when in reality it’s simply waiting for the right conditions. A kiss on the neck. Lying in bed together. Holding hands. Small things that let the nervous system relax and say, oh, yes, this feels good.Perhaps most powerful of all is Elana’s insistence that this practice doesn’t depend on having a willing partner. There’s a “solo Sure Thing” too, a reminder that pleasure, connection, and kindness toward our own bodies are not things we earn through relationship status.If intimacy has quietly slipped out of your life, this episode is a hopeful place to start. And if you think scheduled pleasure sounds unromantic, you might just discover it’s the most freeing thing you’ve tried in years.🎧 Listen to the full episode of Sex Advice for Seniors to hear Elana’s story, her practice, and why pleasure might be one of the most underrated forms of medicine we have.The Sure Thing is out on 3rd February. Order your copy here:00:00 Introduction to Sexual Frustration in Long-Term Relationships01:01 The Birth of the ‘Sure Thing’ Practice05:16 Scheduling Intimacy: A Path to Liberation08:12 Overcoming Resentment and Reconnecting09:26 The Solo Sure Thing: Self-Exploration and Pleasure11:59 Building Communication Through Rituals12:25 Responsive vs. Spontaneous Desire16:28 The Power of Small Touches18:16 Pleasure as Medicine: The Benefits of Intimacy21:35 Navigating Imbalances in Desire24:19 Starting Small: The Importance of Daily Connection24:57 The Release of ‘The Short Thing’ Book26:50 Kindness and Intention in RelationshipsThe Sure Thing is available from 3rd February. You can buy it from Amazon here.On similar topic, you may also want to check out this episode. Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you can. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

I’m a big believer that we can receive good advice from anyone, regardless of their age. Emma Shandy Anway is a West Coast-based Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specialises in relational and sex therapy. Although in her mid thirties, she has extensive experience working with couples aged 50+ and, during this episode, we discussed her work specifically with those aged 70+. Having chatted several weeks ago with Dr. Susan Campbell, herself in her 80s, about her sex life, I was curious on how someone fifty years her junior approaches the topic with her older clients because I have found that lived experience counts for a huge amount and sometimes those who have no concept of what it means to be older fall into familiar tropes and stereotypes that have no bearing on reality.I can’t say that about Emma whose approach with her older patients clearly demonstrates an openness and eagerness to help them embrace their sexual selves, whether that means exploring open relationships, kink or simply learning how to be a better lover to each other. As Emma says, age, illness and changing bodies do not have to mean the end of a vibrant sex life; the biggest shifts are in mindset, communication and willingness to experiment.​What I know is that it is never too late to learn, explore or rewrite your sexual story, as long as you genuinely want to and are prepared to be curious, honest and kind with yourself and your partner.You can find Emma here:https://www.esacounseling.com/abouthttps://www.instagram.com/pennyboardpsychHere’s a Yes/No/Maybe checklist I consider to be particularly comprehensive:You can find the episode with Dr. Susan Campbell here:Chapters00:00 Introduction to Sexuality in Later Life01:44 Understanding the Motivations for Seeking Therapy06:53 Redefining Good Sex: From Okay to Magnificent12:06 Navigating Disappointment and Apathy in Relationships16:19 Body Confidence and Aging: Embracing Change23:09 Exploring Alternative Relationships and Sexuality27:47 Communication Tools for Sexual ExplorationUnlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you can. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

As soon as I saw Dr. Nikki Monti’s photo, an older woman with her streak of blue in her dark hair, I thought, we’re going to get along. A psychotherapist, who also calls herself a ‘thought healer,’ Nikki has appeared on a variety of high profile TV shows such as Keeping up with the Kardashians and recently published a memoir, ‘The Divine Traumedy of Nicki Joy: A True Grime Tale.’ This is a woman with a colourful past that includes three marriages, the first two short and chaotic, intertwined with drugs, alcoholism, violence and very brutal sex, which she now sees as reflecting how badly she treated herself. Her third lasted three decades and ended with the death of her partner, who following a prostatectomy, decided sex was over for both of them. Without wishing to spoil this very lively episode, her current partner, whom also had a prostatectomy, chose a very different path, embracing creativity, sensuality and adaptation, and with him she describes having the best sex of her life.Nikki is the living embodiment of my catchphrase ‘desire never retires’ and proof that, as she says, “older people can have rich sex lives if they stay in their bodies and stop running from themselves.” I encourage you to have a listen. You can find Dr. Nikki Monti here:https://www.instagram.com/drnickimontiAll her books and her website is available here:https://stucknomore.com/books/01:43 Exploring Relationships and Marriages04:20 Lessons from Past Marriages08:40 Navigating Love After Loss10:21 The Importance of Sexuality and Intimacy18:17 Finding Connection Beyond Type27:46 Rising into Love and Self-DiscoveryIf you like this episode, and you’re a man who has also had a prostatectomy, you might find these two other episodes useful:Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you can. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe