Becoming Securely Loved, Bev Mitelman

About this episode

The episode features an interview with Bev Middleman discussing how attachment styles influence various aspects of life and relationships.

The hosts interview Bev Middleman, a relationship and attachment trauma practitioner and founder of Securely Loved, about how attachment styles shape self-esteem, self-trust, emotional regulation, and relationships with family, friends, coworkers, and romantic partners. Bev explains attachment as learned behavior formed in childhood patterns of giving and receiving love, and emphasizes it can be unlearned and relearned. She outlines two broad categories—secure vs. insecure attachment—then details the three insecure subtypes: anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and disorganized (fearful-avoidant). Secure attachment develops from predictable emotional attunement, helping children identify emotions, regulate the nervous system, and communicate needs with boundaries. Insecure attachment exists on a spectrum and is not gendered. Bev describes anxious-preoccupied attachment as driven by an abandonment wound, people-pleasing (fawn) then fighting in conflict, low self-worth, and difficulty with boundaries. Dismissive-avoidant attachment is linked to emotional neglect or stoic/high-demand environments, detachment from emotions, retreating to isolation to self-regulate, and fear of…

People in this episode

Hosts: Samantha Mandell, Melissa Matthews

Guest: Bev Middleman

Topics covered

• attachment styles
• self-esteem
• emotional regulation
• relationships
• trauma
• self-improvement

Keywords

• attachment styles
• self-esteem
• emotional regulation
• relationships
• anxious-preoccupied
• dismissive-avoidant
• disorganized attachment

Mentioned in this episode

Organizations: Securely Loved

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