The Don't Buy Her Flowers Podcast

NOTE: This episode contains references to Christmas Magic that you may not want your children to hear!In this honest and often hilarious Christmas bonus conversation, Steph sits down with psychotherapist Emma Reed Turrell to talk about the emotional, logistical and often invisible labour of Christmas; especially for women. From managing everyone’s expectations to trying to manufacture magical memories, from teenage eye-rolls to “it’s not that deep, Mum,” the pair unravel the layered reality behind creating a holiday that feels good for everyone but you.Emma offers sharp insight into why December feels like it shrinks every year, why the list keeps getting longer and how social media quietly fuels our “shoulds.” They discuss the pressure to keep traditions alive, the moments that actually matter, and the quiet grief and shifting dynamics that shape Christmas behind the scenes.Whether you're overwhelmed, exhausted, sentimental, or simply curious about how to make Christmas feel more human, this episode will land with warmth, compassion and a welcome dose of realism.Emma Reed Turrell grew up near Portsmouth and went on to read English at Queens’ College, Cambridge. Following ten years working in business, she returned to her earlier passion for psychology and retrained as a psychotherapist.Get a copy of Emma's book, What Am I Missing here.Listen to Emma's podcast, Dial Emma, here.For thoughtful gifts, for Christmas or any time of year, please have a look at dontbuyherflowers.comFollow Steph on Instagram. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Parenting teenagers and navigating midlife can feel like a perfect storm. One moment you’re managing eye-rolls and slammed doors, the next you’re questioning why no one warned you about perimenopause. In this episode, Steph is joined by journalist, author, and parenting pro Lorraine Candy for a frank and reassuring conversation about raising teens, handling hormones, and keeping a sense of humour through it all.In this episode Steph and Lorraine cover:Why teenagers behave like they do (and how to stay calm when they don’t)Talking to your kids about relationships, social media and boundariesThe truth about perimenopause and why so many women feel dismissedWhy midlife and parenting teens can feel like an emotional rollercoasterPractical strategies for keeping communication open and family life less stressfulLorraine also opens up about midlife, perimenopause and why so many women feel unsupported when they seek medical help. From advocating for yourself at the GP to understanding why teenagers don’t seem to "see" mess, this conversation is packed with insights, humour and reassurance for parents in the thick of it.In this episode, we discuss:The teenage brain: why logic often goes out the windowHow to talk to your kids about sex, relationships, and social mediaThe struggles of perimenopause and why GPs still don’t have the right answersWhy midlife and parenting teens collide in unexpected waysThe importance of connection, dinner table conversations, and knowing when to back offLorraine Candy, is an author, editor and podcaster. She co-hosts the Postcards From Midlife podcast with Trish Halpin, host of The Times' podcast, The Parent Pod and is the author of 3 incredible books. She is a former editor of Cosmo, ELLE and Sunday Times Style and a mum of four children.Steph’s InstagramThoughtful gifts at Don’t Buy Her FlowersThis episode we are proud to have two excellent sponsors:Anara Skincare - luxury, natural skincare without compromise. Use code DBHF20 for 20% off.Sweet Freedom - award winning syrups and spreads, always sweet, always natural. Use code DBHF15 for 15% off. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Steph sits down with the hilarious and incredibly talented makeup artist Genevieve Turley. Known for her candid takes on beauty, motherhood, and life in general, Gen shares her journey from being a nurse in the Air Force to becoming a sought-after bridal makeup artist and an Instagram star with over 400k followers.Gen is a freelance makeup artist and content creator helping women over 30 navigate the beauty industry. With a previous career as a burns specialist nurse in the RAF, Gen is on a mission for women to rethink the way they talk to themselves and encourages them to have a better relationship with their reflection. We Talk About:From Air Force Nurse to Makeup Artist - Gen’s unconventional career path and how nursing skills helped her in the bridal industry.Motherhood & Chaos - Juggling work, kids, and life admin, plus her thoughts on the early years of parenting.The Power of Comedy - How her love for Absolutely Fabulous, French & Saunders, and British comedy shaped her online presence.Beauty Standards & Aging - Breaking the cycle of unrealistic beauty ideals and why she champions real skin, real faces, and confidence.Instagram Fame & Finding Balance - The joy (and pressure) of content creation and why she still prioritizes her bridal clients.Supporting Women - Encouraging genuine compliments, shutting down negative talk, and lifting each other up.This episode is sponsored by Anara Skincare, luxury, natural skincare without compromise. Use code DBHF20 for 20% off.Steph’s InstagramThoughtful gifts at Don’t Buy Her Flowers Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Feel like you do everything at home, or at least more than is your fair share? This one’s for you. Steph speaks with Eve Rodsky - Harvard-grad lawyer, activist and New York Times Bestselling author of Fair Play. Eve is working to change society one partnership at a time by coming up with a new 21st-century solution to an age-old problem: women shouldering 2/3 or more of the unpaid domestic work and childcare for their homes and families. Eve and Steph talk about the massive impact this has not only on relationships, with couples everywhere hissing and resentful while trying to navigate this, but also the workplace, the pay gap, and our mental and physical health. They also talk about what’s in it for men to get more involved, and how do you bring them to the table. Eve’s book Fair PlayFind out more about the Fair Play systemEve’s InstagramSteph’s InstagramThoughtful gifts at Don’t Buy Her Flowers This episode is sponsored by gift experience website The Indytute Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Steph talks with Dr Kirren Schnack, Clinical Psychologist and author of Ten Times Calmer, a book with tools to help beat anxiety. The conversation starts by understanding what anxiety is, what happens when we’re anxious, what are the triggers and what is happening to our nervous system. They discuss the impact having children can have on anxiety, and with the festive season around the corner, they also talk about how to avoid Christmas anxiety.Steph and Kirren then chat about some of the basics for good mental health, plus Dr Kirren talks through some of the tools to help bring some calm.This episode is sponsored by The Indytute, handpicked experiences all tried and tested by another female founder, Calypso Rose. Use the code Steph10 for 10% off via www.indytute.com Ten Times Calmer: Beat Anxiety and Change Your Life by Dr Kirren SchnackKirren’s websiteKirren’s InstagramSteph’s InstagramDon’t Buy Her Flowers Christmas Gift Guide Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahead of the release of her new book, Clinical Psychologist Dr Karen Gurney returns to the DBHF podcast after her previous episode about sex in long term relationships became the most downloaded to date, resulting in at least two pregnancies (that we know of!) and Steph received hundreds of messages from women and couples that felt huge relief in what Karen said about desire in long term relationships. Now Karen, AKA The Sex Doctor, has written a book specifically for parents - How Not to Let Having Kids Ruin Your Sex Life - out in April 2024. Steph and Karen talk about how tiredness, distraction, lack of time and the mental load affect sex lives, and Karen describes the ‘storm’ that children often bring to a relationship. They talk about the different impacts of new babies, primary school age kids and teens. Karen and Steph also discuss spontaneous vs responsive desire and the idea that it is normal to never feel spontaneous desire in a long term relationship. Karen also explains how key it is to understand the different role sex plays for individuals, communicating better about sex, and offers advice and practical ways to maintain (or bring back) sexual connection, particularly when there is no time.  Karen’s first episode on the DBHF podcast on Apple or Spotify Karen’s Instagram How Not to Let Having Kids Ruin Your Sex Life, out in April 2024 and available to pre-order now Karen’s first book Mind the Gap  Eve Rodsky’s book FairPlay Darcy Lockman’s book All the rage: Mothers, Fathers and the myth of equal partnership Steph’s Instagram Thoughtful gifts www.dontbuyherflowers.com This episode is sponsored by Ancient + Brave, a new generation of sustainably sourced collagen, blends and supplements with targeted health benefits. Use the code DBHF20 for 20% off any product on their website  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we're looking back at a brilliant episode with Helen from January 2022...Steph talks with bestselling author, journalist and speaker Helen Russell about how and why so many of us try to bury sadness, and the harm that causes.After eight years of researching happiness, Helen realised that most of us desperately want to avoid sadness, but all the experts have said we can’t, so we need to work out how to be sad, better. Helen and Steph talk about grief, infertility, perfectionism, anorexia, men and sadness, and a whole lot in between. Helen’s websiteHelen’s InstagramSteph’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Steph talks with writer and speaker Brigid Schulte about Overwhelm, where it comes from and what we can do to rally against it. Brigid brilliantly uses research and history to understand how we got here, and reassures that when it feels hard, it’s because it is. Brigid explains why women feel they don’t deserve free time, why we feel we have to ‘excel’ at motherhood and importantly, what all this pressure and juggling does to women’s physical and mental health, careers and relationships. They discuss how women find it difficult to live in the moment because of the volume of roles and responsibilities they’re juggling, how children coming along makes the imbalance even more difficult, and the societal expectations that impacts men and women trying to find a better balance. And Brigid offers some advice on how to turn down the volume on it all, and advises we all need to ‘let that shit go’ Brigid shares what she’s learned as a journalist at The Washington Post, author of ‘Overwhelmed’ (2014) and the Director of Better Life Lab at New America,  the work-family justice and gender equity program at New America, a nonpartisan think tank. Thank you to Naturalmat for sponsoring this episode, handmakers of organic beds and mattresses, and DBHF podcast listeners can get 15% off with the code DBHF15 Brigid’s book ‘Overwhelmed – How to work, love and play when noone has the time’.Brigid’s TwitterBetter Life Lab at New America Brigid’s InstagramSteph’s InstagramThoughtful Gifts at Don’t Buy Her Flowers  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Psychotherapist Siobhán Murray talks with Steph about Burnout. Originally coined in the 1970s to describe an occupational phenomenon, recent decades have seen an increase in people experiencing burnout as we’re ‘nearly always switched on’. Siobhán and Steph talk about why this is, what makes women in the Rush Hour susceptible to burnout, and the signs and symptoms to identify it. Siobhan goes into ideas on how to manage burnout, and gives some detail on the tools that will help, which are explained in her book The Burnout Solution, a step-by-step 12 week plan. This episode is sponsored by HR consultancy HR Star, who want to reinvent the poor reputation of HR. Visit http://www.hr-star.co.uk/ for more information and quote DBHF for 10% off their People Strategy Session.  The Burnout Solution by Siobhán Murray Siobhan’s websiteSiobhan’s InstagramSteph’s Grazia article on The Rush HourSteph’s Instagram https://www.instagram.com/steph_dontbuyherflowers/?hl=en Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Steph chats with businesswoman Alex Depledge for a Business Special episode of the podcast. Alex is undoubtedly a brilliant entrepreneur, having co-founded, grown and sold first business Hassle.com for €32m, before starting another tech platform – Resi.co.uk – the UK's largest and only nationwide residential architectural platform. Alex’s ‘thing’ is disrupting with a tech solution, and cutting deals, both of which she’s very good at. She appears to have no fear, has been involved with a number of bodies, boards and think tanks, and is passionately championing women in a male-dominated industry. Alex is incredibly straight-talking but doesn’t shy away from being vulnerable, about the challenges of being the boss, including the stress and emotion of leading a business through Covid, trying to balance work and family. Alex also says that she’s grateful for the burnout she went through at 27, because it taught her a lot early on that most people experience a bit later while also trying to manage a family and having greater responsibility to juggle. This episode is sponsored by HR consultancy HR Star, who want to reinvent the poor reputation of HR. Visit http://www.hr-star.co.uk/ for more information and quote DBHF for 10% off their People Strategy Session.  Resi.co.uk Alex talks about starting and selling Hassle.com on the Secret Leaders podcast Alex on Jimmy’s Jobs of the Future podcast Alex’s Instagram  Steph’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Each month, the DBHF podcast will speak with founders for a business episode, to find out how they’re doing it. The strapline for Alison Burton and Natalie Duvall’s business March Muses is ‘Celebrating Diversity by Diversifying Celebrations’. It begun from a search for Christmas decorations that represented the black community, and opened up a world of possibilities with the realisation that so many celebrations are lacking that representation. Steph talks with Alison and Natalie about how they started, their successful Dragon’s Den pitch that resulted in investment from Deborah Meaden and Peter Jones, and the impact 2020 had on their business with the murder of George Floyd, the BLM movement and the pandemic. They also explain how it feels when the swell of support subsides but the racism and need for support hasn’t gone away. As single mums who work full time as well as managing March Muses, Alison and Natalie talk about how they cope with the juggle and their hopes for the future of the business. This episode is sponsored by HR consultancy HR Star, who want to reinvent the poor reputation of HR. Visit http://www.hr-star.co.uk/ for more information and quote DBHF for 10% off their People Strategy Session.  March MusesWatch the Dragon’s Den pitchBlack Mums UpfrontShonda Rhimes ‘How do you do it all?’ speechMarch Muses InstagramSteph’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For the second episode of this Lost For Words series, Steph spoke with podcast hosts The Other Mothers AKA Caro Tasker, Elle Wright and Jen Reid, three women on a mission to talk about Baby Loss, pushing through the discomfort people feel, to better support those going through it.  Through their tragic experiences of baby loss, which include stillbirth, neonatal death and SIDS (formerly known as cot death), Caro, Elle and Jen explain to Steph how those early weeks felt. The ladies talk honestly about the impact on their identity, friendships and their relationship, and feelings of guilt. They also provide some really helpful advice on how to help someone going through baby loss and what to say, as well as what not to say or do.  All three women are involved in charity work, to do what they can to stop others having to go through the pain they have felt. Jen set up charity Teddy’s Wish with her husband Chris to fund potentially life-saving research into SIDS (formerly known as cot death), Neonatal death and Stillbirth and to provide bereavement support for grieving families. Teddy’s Wish and Don’t Buy Her Flowers created two Baby Loss Care Packages together. If you are going through any loss to stillbirth (from 24 weeks), neonatal death or SIDS in the past 6 months, they would love to send a package paid for by Teddy’s Wish and DBHF gives a donation for each package too. Email jennifer@teddyswish.org or if you want to send a Baby Loss Care Package to someone, visit here. Thank you to Naturalmat for sponsoring this series, handmakers of organic beds and mattresses, and DBHF podcast listeners can get 15% off with the code DBHF15 The Other Mothers podcast Elle’s first book Ask Me His Name and her second book of fertility and hope Bump in the Road Caro’s InstagramElle’s InstagramJen’s Teddy Wish InstagramSteph’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Zoe Blaskey from The Motherkind Podcast joins with Steph and the Don’t Buy Her Flowers podcast for this end of year special! Steph and Zoe have each chosen three guests they spoke with on their own podcasts in 2022 to discuss and see what each other took from the guests. The conversation centres around motherhood, identity, relationships and sex. Zoe has chosen Psychologists Dr Rick Hanson and Dr Becky Kennedy, both experts in motherhood, family and relationships, who speak brilliantly about our standards and expectations, where they might have come from and how we can lower them. Steph chose Dr Karen Gurney AKA The Sex Doctor and Laura Danger, who is a facilitator of the Fair Play method and wants to help couples understand and better divide the mental load. And then both Steph and Zoe interviewed Matt Fray, author of This Is How Your Marriage Ends. Some really beefy topics and thought provoking conversations.And thank you for listening in 2022! Please rate, review and subscribe and we’ll be back with more in 2023.Zoe Blaskey InstagramZoe’s website and information on coachingSteph’s InstagramDr Rick Hanson’s episode with Zoe, Instagram and websiteDr Karen Gurney’s episode with Steph, Instagram and websiteDr Becky Kennedy’s, Instagram and book Good InsideLaura Danger AKA @thatdarnchat’s episode with Steph, Instagram and website Matt Fray’s Instagram and website. Matt’s episode with Steph and with Zoe Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.