Ep. 70 Why isn’t therapy working?, unrealistic expectations, & relational healing

About this episode

In this episode, Hayden discusses the complexities of therapy, addressing unrealistic expectations and the importance of the therapeutic relationship in the healing process.

“I’ve been in therapy for months and nothing’s fixed… am I doing this wrong, or is my therapist slacking?” This question comes up all the time — online, in my personal life, and in my therapy office — and honestly, it makes me a little nervous to answer. Not because it’s wrong to ask, but because it touches on something tender, complicated, and often misunderstood about how therapy actually works. In this episode, I’m leaning into the therapist side of me to talk openly about expectations, progress, and the therapeutic relationship itself — and why healing isn’t a service you purchase so much as a relationship you participate in. We talk about: Why therapy is often framed as “I’m paying you, so fix me” How our results-oriented culture shapes unrealistic expectations of healing Why the relationship — not techniques or advice — is the biggest predictor of change Therapy as a surrogate attachment relationship (and what that stirs up) How idealizing or dehumanizing your therapist can stall progress What mutual respect looks like in a relationship with a power imbalance Why seeing your therapist as a real person can actually deepen safety and growth What this doesn’t mean (you’re not…

People in this episode

Host: Hayden

Topics covered

• therapy
• expectations
• relational healing
• therapeutic relationship
• mental health

Keywords

• therapy
• healing
• expectations
• mental health
• therapist
• relationship
• progress

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