The Psychology of Relationships

Infidelity is one of the most painful experiences in relationships—but the psychology behind why people cheat is often far more complex than betrayal alone. Dr. Nicolle Zapien, licensed psychotherapist and sex therapist, joins Julie & Yue to unpack the emotional, relational, and psychological factors that can lead to infidelity. Together, they explore what cheating reveals about attachment, unmet needs, emotional disconnection, and personal responsibility, along with the difficult question many couples face afterward: can trust truly be rebuilt?In this episode, you’ll learn:The most common psychological drivers behind infidelityWhy some people may be more prone to cheating patternsHow unmet needs and emotional disconnection play a roleWhat rebuilding trust after betrayal actually requiresHow to determine whether reconciliation is possibleTo learn more about Dr. Nicolle Zapien visit https://www.drzapien.com/Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOWOur Sponsors:* Get Behind Closed Doors wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com* Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code POR at ruggable.com * TaskRabbit: Get $15 off your first task with code POR through the Taskrabbit app or on https://taskrabbit.com* The Throne of Broken Gods: Go get the book wherever books are sold or through https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Breakups have a way of forcing us to confront the patterns we often avoid seeing in relationships. Whether it’s a slow fade, an almost-relationship, or a breakup you never fully processed, endings can reveal a lot about attachment, emotional availability, and the dynamics we keep repeating. John Kim—licensed therapist, author of Breakup. On Purpose., and host of The Angry Therapist podcast—joins Julie & Yue to unpack the psychology behind modern breakups and why endings can become powerful catalysts for growth instead of proof of failure. In this episode, you’ll learn: - Why some relationships slowly lose momentum over time - The psychology behind almost-relationships and ambiguity - How attachment patterns shape breakups and healing - Why endings can create opportunities for self-awareness - How to move forward with more clarity and emotional insight To learn more about John Kim, follow him @theangrytherapist and visit theangrytherapist.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Get Behind Closed Doors wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code POR at ruggable.com * TaskRabbit: Get $15 off your first task with code POR through the Taskrabbit app or on https://taskrabbit.com * The Throne of Broken Gods: Go get the book wherever books are sold or through https://www.kensingtonbooks.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Divorce. For some, it’s a lived experience. For others, it’s a quiet fear in the back of every serious relationship. In this episode, divorce expert and coach Alicia Robertson reframes the “D word” as a turning point rather than a failure. She explains how fear of endings can keep people stuck in misaligned relationships or avoiding love altogether, and how understanding these fears can lead to growth, clarity, and deeper self-trust. Alicia also shares practical strategies for moving forward, healing past narratives, and approaching relationships from a place of alignment and confidence. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why fear of divorce can hold you back in relationship • How identity, shame, and cultural narratives shape relationship fears • Strategies for moving on without bitterness • How to approach new relationships with clarity and self-trust • Why endings can create space for more aligned love To learn more about Alicia Robertson, follow her @lemonadelifecoach and visit https://lemonadelife.ca/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Get Behind Closed Doors wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code POR at ruggable.com * TaskRabbit: Get $15 off your first task with code POR through the Taskrabbit app or on https://taskrabbit.com * The Throne of Broken Gods: Go get the book wherever books are sold or through https://www.kensingtonbooks.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Early experiences quietly shape how we attach, communicate, and handle conflict in adult relationships—without us even realizing it. In this episode, Vienna Pharaon, marriage and family therapist and author of The Origins of You, explores the five core childhood wounds many carry into adulthood. She explains how these wounds can appear as avoidance, people-pleasing, fear of abandonment, or staying stuck in unhealthy patterns—and why they were protective strategies, not flaws. Vienna also shares practical tools to heal these patterns so your past informs you without defining your future. In this episode, you’ll learn: The five core childhood wounds and how they show up in relationships Why early protective strategies can later limit intimacy How attachment styles, emotional triggers, and beliefs about love are formed Tools for identifying the narratives driving your relationship choices How to heal old patterns to build healthier, more connected relationships To learn more about Vienna Pharaon, follow @mindfulmft and visit https://viennapharaon.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Get Behind Closed Doors wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code POR at ruggable.com * TaskRabbit: Get $15 off your first task with code POR through the Taskrabbit app or on https://taskrabbit.com * The Throne of Broken Gods: Go get the book wherever books are sold or through https://www.kensingtonbooks.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

For decades, the 5 Love Languages have shaped how we understand connection—but relationships, culture, and expectations have evolved, and our framework for love might need an update. In this episode, Molly Owens, CEO and founder of Truity, introduces the 7 Love Styles, a modern evolution of how we give and receive love. She explains why love languages still resonate, where they fall short today, and how these updated styles reflect changes in identity, communication, and partnership dynamics. Molly explains what your love style reveals about your relational strengths and areas for growth—and how that awareness can transform the way you show up in relationships, both new and long-term. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why love languages still matter – and what they miss today • How the 7 Love Styles reflect modern relationship dynamics • The connection between love styles and attachment, personality, and emotional patterns • How misreading love styles creates friction and disconnection • How awareness of your style (and your partners) can deepen communication and intimacy To learn more about Truity, follow @truitylabs and take the assessment at https://www.truity.com/test/love-styles-test Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Get Behind Closed Doors wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code POR at ruggable.com * TaskRabbit: Get $15 off your first task with code POR through the Taskrabbit app or on https://taskrabbit.com * The Throne of Broken Gods: Go get the book wherever books are sold or through https://www.kensingtonbooks.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Why are so many men struggling to connect today? And what does that mean if you’re trying to date and have relationships with men? In this episode, we’re joined by Dr. Greg Matos, psychologist and author of the viral article “What’s Behind The Rise of Lonely, Single Men,” to explore the shifting relationship standards, changing gender roles, and the widespread lack of skills—like emotional literacy and communication—that are essential for building and sustaining meaningful connections. We dive into the underlying patterns driving loneliness, practical insights on taking responsibility, and strategies to improve connection, communication, and relational competence—no matter your relationship status, gender or sexuality. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why loneliness is on the rise and how it intersects with gender and social norms • How outdated relationship expectations create unfulfilled connections • The skills deficit in communication, emotional literacy, and relational competance • How to take responsibility and foster personal growth in relationships • Strategist for building healthier, more connected partnerships To learn more about Dr. Greg Matos, follow him at @drgregmatos or visit https://www.matospsychologicalconsulting.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Get Behind Closed Doors wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code POR at ruggable.com * TaskRabbit: Get $15 off your first task with code POR through the Taskrabbit app or on https://taskrabbit.com * The Throne of Broken Gods: Go get the book wherever books are sold or through https://www.kensingtonbooks.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How do you actually know if someone is a good match for you—not just on paper or in the early spark, but in a way that lasts over time? So much of modern dating emphasizes chemistry, shared interests, and surface-level alignment, yet research shows those factors aren’t the strongest predictors of long-term relationship satisfaction. In this episode, Julie & Yue are joined by Eli Finkel, social psychologist and Director of the Relationships & Motivation Lab at Northwestern University, to challenge what we think compatibility means. Drawing from decades of research, Eli explains why compatibility isn’t something you discover—it’s something you actively build through growth, responsiveness, and shared meaning. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why chemistry and similarity are often overrated in partner selection • How compatibility evolves once you’re in a relationship • What the Michelangelo Effect reveals about healthy long-term love • Why emotional support and responsiveness matter more than shared hobbies • How to evaluate potential partners with a growth-oriented mindset To learn more about Eli Finkel, visit https://www.elifinkel.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Get Behind Closed Doors wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code POR at ruggable.com * TaskRabbit: Get $15 off your first task with code POR through the Taskrabbit app or on https://taskrabbit.com * The Throne of Broken Gods: Go get the book wherever books are sold or through https://www.kensingtonbooks.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

When one person pulls away and the other leans in harder, the result is often frustration, confusion, and emotional exhaustion. In this episode, Julie & Yue talk with Mark Groves—human connection specialist, author, and founder of Create the Love—about what it takes to step out of the anxious–avoidant cycle and into a more secure form of partnership. Drawing from both research and lived experience, Mark shares how taking responsibility for his own triggers and emotional responses transformed his relationship. This conversation reframes healing not as fixing your partner, but as changing the patterns you bring into connection. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why runner–chaser dynamics feel so hard to escape • How anxious and avoidant patterns reinforce each other • What self-responsibility actually looks like in relationships • Why awareness and repair matter more than blame • How secure relationships are built through choice, not chemistry To learn more about Mark Groves, follow him @itsmarkgroves and visit https://www.createthelove.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Get Behind Closed Doors wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code POR at ruggable.com * TaskRabbit: Get $15 off your first task with code POR through the Taskrabbit app or on https://taskrabbit.com * The Throne of Broken Gods: Go get the book wherever books are sold or through https://www.kensingtonbooks.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

You’ve probably heard of IQ and EQ—but what if the missing piece in your relationships is PQ? In this episode, Julie and Yue are joined by Shirzad Chamine, bestselling author and creator of Positive Intelligence, to unpack how our inner saboteurs quietly undermine relationships. Drawing from neuroscience and cognitive psychology, Shirzad explains why we’re wired to judge ourselves and our partners, how the nine saboteurs show up in dating and long-term relationships, and what happens when we let them run the show. Together, they explore how building positive intelligence helps interrupt reactivity, reduce self-sabotage, and create more fulfilling, emotionally resilient relationships. In this episode, you’ll learn: • What Positive Intelligence (PQ) Is—and Why It Matters in Relationships • The 9 Saboteurs That Appear in Every Relationship • Why Judgment Is Hardwired Into the Brain (and How to Interrupt It) • How Saboteurs Create Conflict, Distance, and Self-Sabotage in Love • Practical Ways to Strengthen Your PQ Muscles • How to Respond to Triggers With Curiosity Instead of Reactivity • How Higher PQ Leads to Healthier, More Fulfilling Relationships To learn more about Shirzad Chamine: follow @shirzadchamine and visit https://www.positiveintelligence.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Get Behind Closed Doors wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code POR at ruggable.com * TaskRabbit: Get $15 off your first task with code POR through the Taskrabbit app or on https://taskrabbit.com * The Throne of Broken Gods: Go get the book wherever books are sold or through https://www.kensingtonbooks.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We often assume that love, marriage, or having children is the key to happiness—but research tells a more complicated story. In this episode, Julie & Yue are talking with Dr. Laurie Santos, Yale professor, psychologist, and host of The Happiness Lab, to explore the science of well-being and how that relates to our relationships with others. Drawing on decades of research, Dr. Santos explains how to feel fulfilled in love without relying on someone else to make you happy, ways to shift your focus from external achievements to internal well-being, and why relationships, while important, are only part of what creates lasting joy. In this episode, you’ll learn:• What The Arrival Fallacy Is And Why Achieving Goals Often Fails To Boost Happiness• How The U-Shaped Happiness Curve Explains Satisfaction Across Life Stages• Why Social Connection Alone Isn't Enough For Fulfillment• Research-backed Habits To Increase Personal Happiness And Emotional Resilience• How Prioritizing Your Own Well-Being Improves Dating, Relationships, and ConnectionTo learn more about Dr. Laurie Santos, follow her @lauriesantos and visit https://www.thehappinesslab.comWant to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOWOur Sponsors:* Get Behind Closed Doors wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com* Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code POR at ruggable.com * TaskRabbit: Get $15 off your first task with code POR through the Taskrabbit app or on https://taskrabbit.com* The Throne of Broken Gods: Go get the book wherever books are sold or through https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What if it’s not too late for love and your timeline isn’t behind but rather right on time? In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with former CNN journalist, and newly engaged May Lee to flip the cultural myth that love has an expiration date. At 57, May got engaged for the first time, proving that societal timelines are often more limiting than reality. Drawing from her own journey and the psychology of chrono-normativity—the idea that society imposes “proper timelines” for adulthood milestones—May shows how letting go of the artificial countdown clock can open space for clarity, agency, and authentic connection. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why “It’s Too Late for Love” Is a Cultural Myth • How Chrono-Normativity Shapes Pressure and Dating Decisions • How Letting Go of Timelines Boosts Confidence and Self-Worth • Why Future-Positive Thinking Increases Attraction and Relational Satisfaction • How Past Detours Can Create Conditions for the Right Relationship • How to Choose Partners Based on Fit, Not Deadlines • Why Age Doesn’t Limit Love—but Outdated Timelines Do To learn more about May Lee: follow @mayleeshow and visit https://www.lotusmediahouse.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Get Behind Closed Doors wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code POR at ruggable.com * TaskRabbit: Get $15 off your first task with code POR through the Taskrabbit app or on https://taskrabbit.com * The Throne of Broken Gods: Go get the book wherever books are sold or through https://www.kensingtonbooks.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Sex is never just physical. Our desire, frustrations, and turn-ons are shaped by how we think, how we feel, and how safe we feel—both with our partners and within ourselves. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with health educator, researcher, and New York Times bestselling author Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. to explore the psychology and neuroscience of sex beyond surface-level conversations. Drawing from her groundbreaking work in Come As You Are, Come Together and Burnout, Emily breaks down why sexual desire isn’t one-size-fits-all and how stress, context, and emotional connection influence our sexual experiences far more than we’re taught to believe. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why Sexual Desire Looks Different for Everyone • The “Accelerators” and “Brakes” That Shape Arousal • How Stress, Body Image, and Emotional Safety Impact Sex • How to Navigate Mismatched Desire Without Shame or Blame • Why Desire Naturally Ebbs and Flows in Long-Term Relationships • How to Build Sexual Connection During Stressful or Transitional Seasons • Why Sexual Satisfaction Is About Safety and Understanding—Not Performance To learn more about Emily Nagoski: follow @emilynagoski and visit https://www.emilynagoski.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Get Behind Closed Doors wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code POR at ruggable.com * TaskRabbit: Get $15 off your first task with code POR through the Taskrabbit app or on https://taskrabbit.com * The Throne of Broken Gods: Go get the book wherever books are sold or through https://www.kensingtonbooks.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What if striving for fairness is actually driving disconnection in your relationship? We’ve been sold the idea of a 50/50 partnership—that equal contribution is the key to love—but real life, stress, parenting, and ambition often make that impossible. In this episode, Julie and Yue interview husband-and-wife team Nate and Kaley Klemp, authors of The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Relationship, to explore a new framework for connection. Drawing from mindfulness, leadership, and high-performance coaching, they share how radical generosity—giving 80% instead of keeping score—can build a stronger, more resilient partnership. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why the 50/50 Mindset Can Erode Connection and Foster Resentment • How Radical Generosity Creates a Thriving Partnership • The Role of Equity Theory in Relationship Satisfaction • How to Navigate Key Transitions from Dating to Cohabitation and Parenthood • Why Shared Success Matters More Than Equal Input • How Couples Can Go “All-In” Together Without Burning Out • Practical Ways to Co-Create a Relationship That Grows Over Time To learn more about Nate and Kaley Klemp: follow @8080marriage and explore their work at https://8080marriage.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Get Behind Closed Doors wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code POR at ruggable.com * TaskRabbit: Get $15 off your first task with code POR through the Taskrabbit app or on https://taskrabbit.com * The Throne of Broken Gods: Go get the book wherever books are sold or through https://www.kensingtonbooks.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy