The Rewatch Party

Clint Eastwood shows up, directs himself, scores his own movie, and lands every emotional punch. Million Dollar Baby steps into the ring with gloves off, and we regret to inform you that this week we actually take a movie seriously. There’s a surprising amount of calm confidence in how this movie moves. Catholic guilt doing laps around a boxing gym, Hilary Swank quietly turning in an undeniable all-timer, and all signs pointing to a conclusion that Clint Eastwood may have never been wrong about anything in his life except maybe not having Ring Dudes between rounds. So we joke, we curse, we opine about how great it must be to sound like Morgan Freeman. They’re just fighting uphill against a story that insists on being sad in a way that’s earned, not manipulative. What starts as a boxing drama slowly reveals itself as an existential gut punch that refuses to let us laugh our way out of it. Get your guard up and mouthpiece in, Eastwood's gonna wreck you. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0405159/

Ok, it's FINALLY time to talk Miller's Crossing. Talking about a real film. A masterpiece. A thing that involves acting and cameras that were pointed at things on purpose. Or so we thought. For one shining moment. But no. People keep dying and so instead we are here to honor the late, great Ace Frehley by wrestling with the low budget, low quality, made for TV hype-fest known as Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park. Nick, Anthony, and Elise recount ninety six minutes of commercial breaks disguised as a movie. Fair Weather Manny takes another hall pass and risks getting relegated to Geoff. We get villains in underground lairs, a gorilla chained up for reasons no human can explain, Gene Simmons sounding like he swallowed a box fan, and a performance from KISS that looks exactly as good as KISS actually looks. There are fights, mummies, kabuki dancers, malfunctioning rides, and the CONSTANT reminder: KISS is performing tonight! This production had more ADR than plot and more confusion than continuity. Join Abner's clones in wondering why are we here. Still, there is joy in the pain. There are puns. There are jokes about platform boots and worrying about hypnotized fans. There is the proud moment when we all realize we are watching this so you can listen Frehley. This is not a journey to take alone. Grab a drink, grab a friend, and let's power through to a brighter tomorrow.

For Halloween, the crew goes into Maximum Overdrive, Stephen King’s one-and-only directorial meltdown brought to you by a truly 1980's amount of cocaine. Angry trucks, possessed toasters, and for the love of god, will someone please tell AC/DC to shut directly the eff up. Somewhere between exploding drawbridges and the Green Goblin semi grinning like a maniac, the chaos starts to feel almost profound. Almost. We talk killer vending machines, sleazy Bible salesmen, and the mystery of why a comet’s “space fart” would make a lawnmower homicidal. It’s a glorious junkyard of blood, beer, and bad decisions held together by pure noise and misplaced confidence. By the end, one truth remains: this isn’t a movie to rewatch alone. It’s a social event, best shared with chemical assistance. Consider it practice for when the machines rise up. You’ll want someone nearby to confirm that, yes, it’s really happening. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091499/

Paul Newman and Robert Redford ride again with Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, a film where outlaws rob trains, the soundtrack does acid, and everyone somehow looks like they’ve been airbrushed by God. Between the sepia intro and the bicycle ballet, we’re wondering how a movie about running from the law manages to feel like a cologne commercial. Elise remembers it from when she was seven, Anthony gets lost somewhere between “Hole in the Wall” jokes and actual geography, and Nick treats the entire script like an HR violation waiting to happen. It’s part Western, part buddy comedy, part fever dream about free cold air conditioning and dynamite etiquette. We debate whether crime really does pay, why Paul Newman was legally required to be hot, and how much dynamite is “too much” when you’re opening a safe. Also: there’s a guy named Woodcock, and that goes about how you’d expect. If you came here for film criticism, bless your heart. If you came to ruin Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head forever, well, saddle up. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064115/

Join us as we try to remember Chris Nolan’s freshmaker Memento! It’s not confusion, it’s art: a Polaroid un-developing, blood shooting back into a body, and a gun working in reverse like it’s got a refund policy. Meanwhile we’re just trying to keep our notes straight without accidentally tattooing “don’t believe his lies” on ourselves. No white or male goes unscrutinized as we question who to trust and whether a tattoo counts as a “fact”. We also chat Nolan family drama, Chicago accents, sausage debates, Sharpie jokes, and Guy Pearce’s abs (sharp enough to slice the editing timeline). It’s one of the easiest recommendations Nick will ever make, but also one most likely to send Elise into the fetal position muttering “I’m so confused” while the rest of us pretend we have a system. Tune in and unshoot this masterpiece one scene at a time. And do yourself a favor, get a "don't give Anthony the Polaroid if you invite him into your home" tattoo now so you don't forget and regret. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0209144/

Fresh off the flesh, the steaks deliver themselves on the latest episode of The Rewatch Party. Elise left Nick, Anthony, and Manny to their own devices and they're taking on Tim Burton’s 1996 sci-fi masterpiece(?): Mars Attacks!, a film pitched on a series of random alien trading cards that somehow landed a spect-ack-ack-ack-ular cast. Debate the film's minimal box office profit margin, uncover the origin of the iconic martian “ack ack ack”, and a walk down memory lane to the days of Blockbuster, Hastings, and the noody aisle. So ultimately is this a misunderstood masterpiece or a total misfire fit only for TRUE pokemon nerds like Geoff? Only one way to settle it. Tune in and ack ack ack like you mean it. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116996/

Grab your sour-patch straws, stop sour punching your straw, and join us as we slip into the impeccably tailored, morally dubious world of The Man from U.N.C.L.E., where Henry Cavill smirks his way through the Cold War and Armie Hammer glowers in various shades of “angry Russian.” We talk about the opening Berlin chase, the world’s suavest tablecloth yank, and why Guy Ritchie clearly decided style was more important than historical accuracy—or sometimes, basic physics. Also, everyone is ridiculously good-looking, and yes, we noticed. Repeatedly. Somewhere between the CIA, the KGB, and whatever Hugh Grant is doing in this movie, there’s a plot about nuclear warheads, a fake engagement, and a fashion show that doubles as spycraft. We pick apart the “unlikely partners” dynamic, try to decide if Gaby is the actual MVP, and get distracted by the soundtrack every time Roberta Flack or Nina Simone shows up. (Seriously, this might be the most our Spotify queues have been influenced by a rewatch.) Naturally, we wander into side quests: our rankings of cinematic buddy duos, a brief tangent about how many spy movies would be ruined if the characters had iPhones, and Elise’s theory that Cavill’s Solo is basically James Bond on a heavy sedative. Somewhere in there we debate who in the group could actually pull off a 1960s double-breasted suit. Spoiler: not all of us. By the end, we’re in Istanbul, the team’s assembled, and we’re low-key mad this stylish mess never got a sequel. If you’re into slick visuals, flirty banter, and the occasional implausible stunt involving vintage cars, you might want to give this one another spin—preferably with a drink in hand and your sharpest spy outfit on standby. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1638355