The Save The Marriage Podcast

"I'm just Type A—that's why we clash." "I'm an Alpha male. This is just who I am." "I'm anxiously attached. I can't help how I react." I hear these statements constantly in my coaching work. And every time, I watch the same thing happen: growth stops. The label becomes a shield. The framework becomes a prison. And the marriage stays stuck. In this episode, I'm examining three of the most popular psychological frameworks people use to explain their behavior—and what the research actually says about them. Spoiler: the science doesn't support what most people think it does. What We Cover: Type A personality and what the research really found (hint: it's not about drive or ambition) Alpha Male theory and the wolf study that's been debunked for decades Attachment styles—solid research that people are using in terrible ways Why these frameworks become barriers to change instead of pathways to growth The difference between using psychology as a map vs. using it as a jail cell Fair Warning This episode is direct. If you're invested in one of these frameworks, you might feel defensive listening to it. Pay attention to that reaction. It's information. Because your marriage doesn't need more explanation for why things aren't working. It needs change. And change becomes impossible when you're more committed to protecting your identity than examining your impact. This episode is about coachability—the willingness to question what you think you know about yourself in service of building the marriage you actually want. Ready to get uncomfortable? Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES: Save The Marriage System Dangers in Marital Therapy What are You Controlling?

You've decided to save your marriage. You start the process, maybe even make some progress. Then, BAM! You hit a wall. A wall of fear. Fears that sabotage your efforts, pull you back from your plan, get you to give up. But those fears do not have to be the end of your efforts. In fact, those fears need not do anything to your efforts. Fears and actions are not the same. Fears are fears. Whenever we base our actions on fears, we give them too much power. When you are working on saving a marriage, there are 4 fears that strike many people... and they may just hit you! And then, you have to decide whether the fears stop your efforts or if they are just "background noise." Which will they be for you? Listen to the podcast episode below. RELATED RESOURCES Relationship Fears 3 C's of Saving A Marriage Why Save It? Facing Fears and Moving Forward Save The Marriage System

Resetting in 2026 New year. Same marriage problems? Here's the thing: most people approach a new year with good intentions but no actual reset. They keep doing the same things, waiting for different results. And when it comes to saving your marriage, that's a recipe for staying stuck. In this week's podcast, I walk you through five critical resets you need to make in 2026. Not resolutions. Resets. There's a difference. If you play pickleball, you know what a reset is. When what you're doing isn't working, you reset the ball. You slow it down. You step back and start fresh. That's what we're doing here with your marriage. What Needs to Go (and What Needs to Come In) I break down five specific shifts, each with something that needs to be "out" and something that needs to be "in" for your process this year. The first reset deals with the most common trap I see: waiting for your spouse to join you before you start working on things. Spoiler alert—that's exactly backwards. One person always starts the process. That's normal. The question is whether you're going to be that person or keep waiting. The second reset tackles what I call "Idea ADD"—jumping from YouTube video to blog post to the next shiny object the algorithm throws at you. You're trusting an algorithm instead of following a clear, consistent approach. That has to stop. The third reset is about ditching the seat-of-your-pants approach. Flying by the seat of your pants IS a system. It's just a losing system. You need an actual written plan and systems in place to support it. The fourth reset changes how you think about hope. Most people treat hope like a feeling they're waiting to experience. Wrong. Hope is something you build using a specific formula. I'll walk you through the equation. The fifth reset shifts you from pushing and chasing your spouse (which only creates more distance) to something far more effective: inviting connection. Small shift. Massive difference. Why This Matters Right Now We're just into 2026. You've got a choice in front of you. You can approach your marriage the same way you did last year, or you can actually reset your approach. These aren't theoretical concepts. They're the backbone of how I've helped thousands of people turn their marriages around. They're built into my Save The Marriage System, my VIP program, and my Unpause app. They're the three C's in action: Connect with your spouse. Change yourself. Create a new path. Each of these five resets moves you toward one or more of those three areas. And each one is something you can control and execute on, regardless of where your spouse is right now. Listen to this episode if you're serious about making 2026 different. Not just hopeful it will be different. Actually different. Because hope isn't something you wait for. It's something you build. Listen to Episode 584: Resetting in 2026 now on the Save The Marriage Podcast. If your marriage is in crisis, learn more about the Save The Marriage System at savethemarriage.com. If you're looking to strengthen your connection and unpause your marriage, check out the Unpause app at unpauseyourmarriage.com.

Do you settle down with a good book you have read over and over this time of year? I read my kids the exact same Christmas book every single year. And many years, I re-read a classic for myself… like A Christmas Carol. This year, I offer you a redux of a prior podcast episode… about the Ghosts of Your Relationship Past. Yep. Christmas, with new opportunities. Here it is: Christmas Eve. Chris and Holly have settled into bed. Neither can sleep. It is not, however, sugarplums dancing in their heads. Both are replaying the arguments and hurts of the past. Neither feels connected, although both are desperate for that warm embrace each used to treasure. What happened? Where did their relationship fall into trouble? Can they find their way back? But first, they have to make it through a night of haunts, as the Ghosts of Relationship Past visit them this night. Are they the same ghosts that haunt your relationship? Is there a path through the pain? Listen in as Chris and Holly face the hauntings of their relationship.

“Quiet Divorce.” It seems to be the topic of article after article. And the articles make it seem like, “No big deal, just happens, oh well.” But it IS a big deal. And it ISN’T anything new. Just another way of describing something we have discussed here often… the dangers of disconnection. I talked about this some time ago, when everyone was talking about Quiet Quitting during the pandemic — people were still technically employed, they just weren’t doing anything for the job. They quit the work, but kept taking a paycheck. I noted that sometimes, people Quiet Quit a marriage. Which is exactly what “Quiet Divorce” is noting. People are still legally married. But emotionally… not so much. Why does this matter? Because this doesn’t have to be the case. You don’t have to be choosing the path of withdrawal. But unless you understand what is going on, it is hard to do anything else. Which is why we need to talk about Quiet Divorce… the Truth about it, and what you can do. RELATED RESOURCES: Why Connection Matters Save The Marriage System The Un-Pause App

When did it happen? When did your marriage’s trajectory head in the wrong direction? Probably long before you thought, long before you could see it. Almost always, it is a conscious and unconscious collusion between the spouses. And it makes sense. Life… you have to get back to it! After all, you are now married, and your marriage is set up to successfully face life… or is it? At some point, after lots of connection, you have faith in your relationship, faith in your love. So, you hit the Pause Button. You think you are putting your marriage into some “suspended animation,” so that you can get on with life — kids, careers, friends, hobbies, travel, etc. You promise yourself(selves) that you will get back to the two of you again… at some point in the future (that often keeps creeping further into the future). Until one day, you (and/or your spouse) find yourself(selves) staring at a near-stranger. A roommate (or housemate). You no longer recognize the relationship you have, and it certainly isn’t what you were looking for. The pain of connection leads to anger, alienation, and resentment. That cocktail leads to a spiral of disconnection. It often accelerates until… separation, affair, or even divorce. And it all began with a decision that made total sense… until it doesn’t work. Is there a solution? There IS! I just released a new app, the Un-Pause App. In the podcast, I tell you about the problem… and the solution. Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES: The Un-Pause App The Save The Marriage System Why Pause Is So Painful

What gets in the way of you getting traction in your efforts to save your marriage? These days, there is one very substantial reason... one thing that keeps you (and many others) from making progress. And it is only accelerating. What is it? Distraction. Yep, it absolutely gets in your way, pulling you away from what is most important. Pulling you away from priorities and opportunities. What is the antidote? We talk about it in this week's Save The Marriage Podcast. Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES: Save The Marriage System Save The Marriage Toolkit My Books