The "Surviving Saturday" Podcast

We had the best time sitting down with Becky Allender — writer, grandmother, co-founder of The Allender Center, and yes, longtime partner-in-life-and-love to Dr. Dan Allender. But make no mistake: Becky is a force in her own right. Her presence is warm, steady, and disarmingly honest. And for decades, she's been a vital voice shaping the work that has impacted thousands through Dan's teaching, writing, and the Allender Center's mission. In this conversation, Becky reflects on entering what she calls the final chapter — not with resignation, but with clarity, intentionality, and grace. She shares what it means to show up fully in marriage at this stage of life, especially as Dan focuses his last major professional efforts on the topic of marriage itself. Becky names what it's like to be drawn more visibly into that work, to keep growing in her own voice, and to embrace the joy and ache of this season with open hands. We also talk about parenting — the beautiful and brutal reality of reckoning with the ways we've missed the mark, and how to best engage when our adult children bring their stories back to us. Becky's example of listening with humility, resisting the urge to defend, and offering genuine curiosity is a masterclass in becoming more like Jesus. We discuss what it means to bless our grown children even when their lives and choices look different than ours did, and to trust that God is big enough to hold what we couldn't. This episode is honest, tender, funny, and rich with lived wisdom. Becky doesn't offer easy answers — but she offers something better: a deeply human picture of love, courage, and grace that keeps unfolding across decades. We're so grateful for her presence, and we think you will be too. 🌐 Connect with Becky [https://theallendercenter.org/about/team/becky-allender/] Follow @nurturecounselingnc [https://www.instagram.com/nurturecounselingnc/]

Some people come into your life and quietly, powerfully change its trajectory. For Wendy, that person was Rachael Clinton Chen. In this first half of a two-part conversation, we sit down with Rachael — a pastor, teacher, and co-host of the Allender Center Podcast — for a conversation that's rich with honesty, clarity, and care. We talk about what it means to be truly seen, why minimizing suffering is so common (especially in Christian spaces), and the small but brave turns that can lead us toward freedom. Rachael shares pieces of her own story — from growing up in a fundamentalist church, to experiencing spiritual abuse, to slowly finding her way back to a more spacious and embodied love of God. She reflects on the disorientation that comes when relationships, especially those rooted in spiritual authority, become harmful — and how reclaiming our voice and agency is part of the healing journey. Along the way, we talk about power, trust, and the kind of theology that either binds us or sets us free. This episode is full of honesty, warmth, and fierce kindness. It's for anyone who's ever wondered if they were too much, too broken, or too far gone to be met by God — and needed to hear, gently but clearly: you're not. Content note: This conversation includes references to trauma and non-graphic mentions of suicidal thoughts. Please listen with care. Connect with Rachael: @rachaelclintonchen [https://www.instagram.com/rachaelclintonchen/] theallendercenter.org [https://theallendercenter.org/author/clintonr/]

Y'all… we're blushing just a little over this one. Because today, we're going there — with therapist and author Sam Jolman, who joins us for a gracious, grounded, and yes, occasionally awkward conversation about sex, story, and the deep hope of healing. Sam's new book The Sex Talk You Never Got is the kind of resource we wish we'd had at 13, 22, and honestly, last week. We talk about what we learned (and didn't) growing up in the church, how shame got tangled up with desire, and what it means to honor our bodies — and each other's — with curiosity, reverence, and kindness. Together we explore consent, deep wounds caused by "purity culture," emotional regulation, co-regulation, and the quiet ache for connection that often lives beneath our behaviors. Whether you're parenting kids through the thick of it, untangling your own story, or simply trying to feel a little less weird about the fact that this topic still makes you squirm, we hope you'll feel seen, safe, and invited. Because this part of us — our longing, our tenderness, our capacity for joy — was never meant to be shut down. It was meant to be restored. Check out Sam's book at samjolman.com [https://www.samjolman.com/the-sex-talk-you-never-got-book/]. Connect with Wendy on Instagram: @nurturecounselingnc [https://www.instagram.com/nurturecounselingnc/]

A frequent theme of this lil' ol' podcast is that having a more honest, compassionate, and kind regard for your own story of formation in your family of origin can be a huge source of greater intimacy and kindness in your marriage. But how exactly does that work? What does it look like in practice for both people in a marriage to explore their stories, together? What are the ideal circumstances and commitments that a couple would want to have before going into such a process? And what might they hope to gain if the effort bears fruit? Is it just a bunch of self-absorbed "navel gazing" or blame-shifting to our parents for our present day problems? Or, might there be something powerful, delicate, and maybe even holy at work? In this second episode of a three part series, Chris and Wendy share intimately about what doing story work has looked like through the last 20+ years of their marriage. And as you will see, it's been quite a journey.... They also describe what can happen when a couple either works with Wendy as their counselor to do story work for the benefit of their marriage, or decides to engage in a marriage story workshop or a one-on-one couples' intensive. No matter where you are in your marriage, there will be something of goodness, mystery, and wonder to be gained just for a half hour or so of your listening time. Enjoy!

Here's a crazy thought: The hardest places in your marriage--the most maddening merry-go-rounds of misery, mixed motives, meanness, malcontendedness, and missed moments--might actually hold the key to discovering greater intimacy and connection. (Yep. Read that again.) Hang with us here. What if our rough edges, our raw spots, our "triggers," if you will-- are not just random, or merely "sin patterns" we need to repent of, or weird personality quirks? What if there is a reason that each of us loves what we love, and hates what we hate? Doesn't it make sense that those nagging "bad habits" or addictions or relational patterns that we can't break free from were learned somewhere, from someone, and for some purpose? And if so, could the path to lasting freedom involve deeper exploration of where they came from? Put another way, the idols that our hearts have looked to for deliverance had to have been forged in a furnace at some point. If that's true, then what might we learn and how might we grow, by going back into that fiery furnace--but with with wise guidance, kind care, and worthy travelling companions? In in this episode, Wendy and Chris and their dear friends, Steve & Lisa Call, explore the transformative power of marriage "story work," and how it can rekindle hope for a relationship, catalyze greater attunement to one another, cultivate a more enduring resilience, and deepen intimacy. There's also practical guidance on what it looks like for couples to engage one another's most formative stories by themselves, with a counselor, and in marriage story group contexts. The Calls are the founders of The Reconnect Institute, and co-authors, with Dan and Becky Allender, of an incredibly insightful and practical new book, The Deep Rooted Marriage: Cultivating Intimacy, Healing, and Delight--a book that provides encouragement and practical guidance for building, nurturing, and even repairing a marriage. Steve is a longtime counselor and counselor educator at the Seattle School of Theology & Psychology, and Lisa is a story work coach who has completed multiple levels of training in narrative focused trauma care at The Allender Center. Through The Reconnect Institute, they have worked with countless couples to dig up the roots of recurrent conflict, and provide opportunities for reflection, renewal, and resurrection. Where to find our guests: The Deep-Rooted Marriage [https://www.amazon.com/Deep-Rooted-Marriage-Cultivating-Intimacy-Healing/dp/1400344468/ref=asc_df_1400344468?tag=bingshoppinga-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=80195820408724&hvnetw=o&hvqmt=e&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=&hvtargid=pla-4583795285512647&psc=1&msclkid=63e676e67644185ae646112b8ff4e899] Reconnect Institute [https://www.thereconnectinstitute.com/] Marriage Story Intensives [https://www.thereconnectinstitute.com/marriage-story-intensive]

This one has it all: Logs and specks, vows and curses, mustard seeds of faith, our relationships with power and control... and a compellingly redemptive conversation on a ski slope... We pick up the conversation with everyone's absolute favorite marriage themes, lust and anger. Yep. :-) As off-putting as that may sound, you may still want to hear the rest of Dan's story. We discuss how coming to the end of ourselves (which often happens when our individual triggers show up) can offer beautiful opportunities for spouses to taste true redemption. Tune in for Part 2 of our lively interview with Dr. Dan Allender, our friend, mentor, wise guide, and source of inspiration in everything we do at Nurture Counseling and here on the podcast. Pre-order The Deep-Rooted Marriage here to get access to some special companion resources: https://www.thomasnelson.com/p/deep-rooted-marriage/

Have we got a treat for you! Surviving Saturday is so excited to bring you our first podcast GUEST, the intrepid, insightful indomitable, and inimitable Dr. Christy Bauman! Christy joins Wendy for a delightful conversation about their respective journeys as women counseling other women dealing with issues and challenges they, themselves, know all too well. They also vibe strong on the transformative and healing power of "body work" (also known as "somatic experiencing") and healing rituals, as a complement to more narrative based "story work." Christy is a counselor, author, and teacher based out of Brevard, NC. She earned her Masters in Counseling at Reformed Theological Seminary and her Ph. D. in counseling at Seattle Pacific University. With her husband, Dr. Andrew Bauman, she is the co-founder and co-director of the Christian Counseling Center for Sexual Health & Trauma, and she has spent over 18 years counseling women dealing with the aftereffects of sexual and/or spiritual abuse. For more about Christy and her counseling work with women, check out her website at www.christybauman.com **IMPORTANT SCHEDULING UPDATE: Christy's "Her Rites" workshop in Charlotte will be held on Saturday, February 1 from 9:00 to 4:00, rather than the January date originally mentioned in the podcast, part 2. Additional info available at: www.christybauman.com/herrites

So maybe for a while now you have been exploring your story--the formative incidents from growing up that have left their mark on you, for both good and ill. It's one thing to do that on your own, maybe even with the help of your favorite podcast. Some of you may have even experienced how story work goes to a whole different level when you do it one on one, under the care and guidance of a seasoned counselor like Wendy, or a story work coach like Chris. But why would anyone ever even THINK of diving down into the details of your story in a group setting? Isn't that just a recipe for making you feel even greater shame? Why would anyone EVER want to do that, and how could it possibly make a difference in your healing journey? Join Wendy and Chris for Part 2 of this lively and frank discussion of the distinct ways that God has used story work groups to bring about deeper and longer lasting change and healing for each of them individually, as well as growth and greater intimacy in their marriage. You might be surprised at how it works, and how you can experience similar healing and transformation.