Think Thirsty with Katherine Wela Bogen: A Podcast for Smart Sluts

In this episode, I explore the fascinating differences between solitary and dyadic (partnered) sexual functioning—why some people thrive in their solo erotic lives but struggle in partnered sex, why the reverse might also be true, and whether these patterns are pathological. I break down how sexual scripts, self-objectification, trauma histories, safety cues, and access to tools like vibrators and lube shape pleasure differently when we’re alone versus with a partner. I also cover how sexual wellbeing is measured in research—across desire, arousal, orgasm quality, fantasy, and relational satisfaction—and highlight key intervention points for people whose solo and partnered experiences misalign. Ultimately, I argue that many so-called “sexual problems” are actually social problems, rooted in mismatched expectations rather than personal dysfunction.Disclaimer:This podcast is created and recorded by me, Katherine Wela Bogen, in my personal capacity as a private citizen and writer. It is unaffiliated with, and does not represent, any academic, clinical, or research institution. Think Thirsty is for educational and entertainment purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional psychological advice, diagnosis, or therapy.SOURCES: Dosch, A., Ghisletta, P., & Van der Linden, M. (2016). Body image in dyadic and solitary sexual desire: The role of encoding style and distracting thoughts. The Journal of Sex Research, 53(9), 1193-1206.Goldey, K. L., Posh, A. R., Bell, S. N., & Van Anders, S. M. (2016). Defining pleasure: A focus group study of solitary and partnered sexual pleasure in queer and heterosexual women. Archives of sexual Behavior, 45(8), 2137-2154.Park, Y., & MacDonald, G. (2022). Single and partnered individuals’ sexual satisfaction as a function of sexual desire and activities: Results using a sexual satisfaction scale demonstrating measurement invariance across partnership status. Archives of sexual behavior, 51(1), 547-564.Peixoto, M. M. (2023). Differences in solitary and dyadic sexual desire and sexual satisfaction in heterosexual and nonheterosexual cisgender men and women. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 20(5), 597-604.Vaillancourt-Morel, M. P., Rosen, N. O., Štulhofer, A., Bosisio, M., & Bergeron, S. (2021). Pornography use and sexual health among same-sex and mixed-sex couples: An event-level dyadic analysis. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 50(2), 667-681.

In this episode of Think Thirsty, I dive into the difference between dissociation—depersonalization, derealization, numbness, freeze states—and true erotic submission in BDSM scenes. I unpack how dissociation pulls you away from yourself, while subspace pulls you deeper into embodied surrender, trust, and chosen pleasure.I walk listeners through the early warning signs of dissociation, the sensory and auditory grounding tools that can help bring you back into your body, and why safewording, nonverbal signals, and pre-scene communication are essential for safe and attuned play. I also describe what subspace actually feels like, how to recognize when “going quiet” is surrender versus survival, and what partners can do to keep scenes connected and conscious.A thoughtful, intimate exploration of kink, trauma responses, and the psychology of erotic surrender.As always, this podcast is created and recorded entirely in my personal capacity as a private citizen and writer. It’s unaffiliated with—and does not represent—any academic, clinical, or research institution, and it isn’t a substitute for professional psychological advice.READING: Ambler, J. K., Lee, E. M., Klement, K. R., Loewald, T., Comber, E. M., Hanson, S. A., ... & Sagarin, B. J. (2017). Consensual BDSM facilitates role-specific altered states of consciousness: A preliminary study. Psychology of Consciousness: Theory, Research, and Practice, 4(1), 75.Gewirtz-Meydan, A., Godbout, N., Canivet, C., Peleg-Sagy, T., & Lafortune, D. (2024). The Complex interplay between BDSM and childhood sexual abuse: a form of repetition and dissociation or a path toward Processing and Healing? Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 50(5), 583-594.Larva, M. A., & Rantala, M. J. (2024). An evolutionary psychological approach toward BDSM interest and behavior. Archives of sexual behavior, 53(6), 2253-2267.Wuyts, E., & Morrens, M. (2022). The biology of BDSM: A systematic review. The journal of sexual medicine, 19(1), 144-157.Wuyts, E., De Neef, N., Coppens, V., Fransen, E., Schellens, E., Van Der Pol, M., & Morrens, M. (2020). Between pleasure and pain: A pilot study on the biological mechanisms associated with BDSM interactions in dominants and submissives. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 17(4), 784-792.