This Complex Life

If you've ever agreed to something and immediately regretted it, apologised for something that wasn't your fault, or changed your opinion halfway through a conversation just to keep the peace, this episode is for you. The fawn response is one of the least understood nervous system patterns and one of the most invisible. It looks like being easygoing, warm and accommodating. From the outside it can be indistinguishable from kindness. The cost of it is paid quietly, and over time.What this episode coversWhat the fawn response is and how it sits alongside fight, flight and freeze as a distinct nervous system patternThe research behind it including Pete Walker's clinical work and what polyvagal theory adds to our understandingHow fawning shows up day to day: constant apologising, abandoning your opinions mid-conversation, shape shifting between social groups, and checking behaviours in relationshipsWhy fawning gets mistaken for being a good person and how it gets culturally rewarded, particularly for womenWhere the fawn response comes from and why it almost always starts in childhoodWhat fawning is actually costing you: chronic low-level resentment, disconnection, and a gradual loss of your own sense of self and preferencesThe difference between fawning and genuine kindness, and the body test that tells you which one you're doingWhether fawning is always a trauma responseWhat to actually do about it, starting with low-stakes moments and one phrase that changes everythingWhether the fawn response goes away once you recognise itTimestamps0:00 Introduction 1:00 What the fawn response is and where the research comes from 3:00 Fight, flight, freeze and fawn explained 4:30 How fawning shows up in everyday life 10:00 Why fawning gets mistaken for being a good person 12:00 Where the fawn response comes from 16:00 Why fawning rather than fight or flight 19:00 What it's actually costing you 22:00 How fawning creates distance not closeness 23:00 What to actually do about it 26:00 Low-stakes practice 30:00 When to seek support 31:00 Q&A: Is fawning the same as people pleasing? 32:00 Q&A: Is fawning always a trauma response? 33:00 Q&A: How do I know if I'm fawning or just being nice? 35:00 Q&A: Can fawning develop in adulthood? 36:30 Q&A: Does fawning go away once you recognise it?Keep the Conversation GoingGot a question or something this episode stirred up? Send it through and it might become an Ask Marie episode: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9Instagram: @marievakakis Website: marievakakis.com.au

Sex and disability. Two words most people still find uncomfortable in the same sentence. I sat down with sexologist Casey Payne to talk about what we get wrong, why pleasure belongs to everyone regardless of how their body works, and what it actually looks like to reclaim intimacy after disability, illness, or a body that's changed.Things DiscussedWhy disability and sexuality are both taboo and what happens when you put them togetherRedefining sex beyond intercourse and why that matters for anyone whose body has changedThe orgasm gap and why around 90 per cent of women can't orgasm through penetration aloneHow carers and parents can support sexual autonomy without having every conversation themselvesPractical ways to start reclaiming pleasure after illness, injury, or chronic health conditionsHow to find a sexologist in Australia and what to expectChapter Timestamps[00:00] Sex and disability: why this conversation matters[03:00] Redefining what sex actually is[06:30] Body image and who sex is for[09:00] The orgasm gap and sex toys as tools[13:00] Carers, parents and adult sexuality[18:30] How sex education lowers abuse risk[22:00] Reclaiming sexuality after disability[26:00] Starting with pleasure, not sex[28:00] What sex education should look like[29:30] How to find a sexologist in AustraliaResources and LinksThe Body Is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor, includes a workbookThe Orgasm Gap by Karen GurneySex Education on Netflix, seasons 1 and 2 recommendedSociety of Australian Sexologists: sexologist.org.auPleasure Pixel professional development course for support workers: pleasurepixel.com.auFree resource on getting comfortable talking about sex: marievakakis.com.au/time-to-get-comfortable-talking-about-sexKeep the Conversation GoingDownload the free resource at marievakakis.com.au/time-to-get-comfortable-talking-about-sexGot a question about sex, intimacy, or relationships? Submit it at forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9 and it might feature in a future Ask Marie episode.If this episode resonated, share it with someone who might need it. A rating on Apple Podcasts helps more people find the show.Guest InformationCasey Payne is a sexologist specialising in sexual health, disability, and intimacy, with a professional development course for support workers and other resources for adults at pleasurepixel.com.au.About the Showhttps://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/https://www.linkedin.com/in/marievakakis/https://www.youtube.com/@marievakakisfacebook.com/marievakakisconsulting

Have you ever had a reaction to your partner that felt huge?Like a ten out of ten response to something small?You are crying over coffee.They are confused.You are both thinking, what just happened?It makes sense that this feels confusing. Most couples are not fighting about the present moment. They are reacting from something older.In this episode, I explore how your wounded child shows up in adult relationships, why conflict can feel bigger than the situation and how attachment patterns keep couples stuck in the same loop.This is not about blame. It is about understanding the pattern.In this episode I cover:• Why small arguments turn into big emotional reactions• How childhood needs for safety, soothing and validation shape adult conflict• What anxious and avoidant attachment can look like in a fight• Why you get louder and they shut down• What secure conflict actually feels like• Practical steps to pause, name your needs and respond rather than reactYou are not broken for reacting strongly. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling that. Often, if it feels hysterical, it is historical.The goal is not to erase your wounds. The goal is to make sure they are not driving your adult intimacy. Resources:If you want more support, download the Conflict Guide and start noticing your patterns with compassion and clarity.https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

So many couples say the same thing when they come to therapy. We probably should have talked about this earlier. Not because of one big issue, but because of all the small conversations that got pushed aside.In this episode, I’m sharing five relationship topics that come up again and again in my therapy sessions. Things like how to talk about personal goals, navigating money and shared responsibilities, defining sex and intimacy, managing expectations as life changes, and naming the fears that quietly shape how we show up with each other.What we coverThe conversations couples often avoid that lead to disconnectionWhat to talk about before starting study or changing routinesWhy money triggers old patterns, and how to talk about them togetherHow to define sex and intimacy in a way that works for both of youExpectations around parenting, roles and who does whatHow fear shows up in silence, frustration or resentmentMentioned in this episodeRelationship Refresh Workshop (on demand)Sex and Intimacy Conversation Starter GuideTherapy sessions at The Therapy HubENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Why won’t my partner communicate with meIt’s one of the most common questions I hear in the therapy room and it’s usually coming from someone who feels shut out, unheard or like they’re carrying the emotional load on their own.In this episode of This Complex Life, I’ll share what’s often really going on when communication feels blocked, when you keep fighting or arguing. Because most of the time, it’s not about a lack of words. It’s about emotional safety, overwhelm and patterns that quietly shut conversations down.I talk about emotional flooding, the communication patterns that make things worse instead of better, and how the way conversations start can set them up to fail before they even begin. I also explore how what we learned about conflict growing up still shapes how we show up in our relationships today.You’ll also hear practical questions you can ask that invite reflection instead of defensiveness, and small shifts that can help you feel more connected without escalating into another fight.In this episode, we exploreWhy communication problems are rarely just about talkingEmotional flooding and shutdown and why it feels impossible to stay presentThe Gottman Four Horsemen and how they show up in everyday conversationsHow criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling block connectionWhy timing and tone matter more than being rightHow family of origin shapes your comfort with conflictQuestions that help you understand each other instead of escalatingIf you’ve ever thought we just don’t communicate anymore, this episode is for you.ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Mentioned in this episode:Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Have you ever found yourself thinking my partner is not the same person I fell in love with.Maybe you still care deeply but something feels off.Conversations go in circles.You keep fighting about the same thingsOr you feel lonely even though you are still together.This is a pattern I see often in my work as a couples therapist. Most couples want the same things. Connection. Safety. Feeling valued. Where they get stuck is in how they try to get there.In this episode of This Complex Life, I walk you through five common patterns that show up when couples feel disconnected over time. This is not about fixing your partner. It is about understanding what is actually happening underneath the surface when two people who care start missing each other.Feeling disconnected does not automatically mean you have outgrown each other or chosen the wrong person. Often it means the relationship has not been updated to match how life and people have changed.In this episode, I share the 5 common mistakes I see people make. • Why relationships can feel harder as life gets fuller• How unmet expectations quietly create distance• What happens when both people are trying but still missing each other• Why assuming they should just know leads to resentment• How criticism and contempt creep in without you noticingIf you are feeling stuck, confused, or wondering what happened to the closeness you once had, you are not alone in this. Some of this is uncomfortable and that is okay. Understanding the pattern is often the first step towards repair.Tired of going round in circles with your partner?Relationship Refresh is a practical couples program that helps you stop the blame game, communicate better and feel like a team again.👉 marievakakis.com.au/for-couplesIf things feel more stuck and you need deeper support, you can book an Intensive Couples Therapy session with me through The Therapy Hub👉 thetherapyhub.com.auStruggling to talk about sex, desire or intimacy without it getting weird or shutting down?Download my free guide How to talk about sex, desire and connection: https://mailchi.mp/marievakakis/a-guide-to-talking-about-sex-and-intimacyConnected Teens https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Mentioned in this episode:Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Breakups can be hard on all of us, they can shake our sense of self in ways we don't expect. For men, the emotional impact is not something that's often spoken about. They’re taught to suck it up and get on with it. In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with  Michael Wilson, a Research Fellow focused on men’s mental health and suicide prevention to talk about why men often struggle silently during breakups and how society’s ideas about masculinity shape the way they cope.We explore how shame, identity loss and isolation can build after a relationship ends, and why many men do not seek help until they reach a crisis point. There is another way to move through it. Understanding, connection and emotional honesty can help men rebuild their sense of self with more clarity and confidence.In this conversation, we talk about • Why breakups can shake men’s identity • How conditioning around masculinity affects emotional expression • The role shame plays in silence • What men wish they could say but feel they cannot • How to support men without jumping into solutions • Ways to rebuild confidence after a relationship endsIf you are working through a breakup or navigating a season of change, you do not have to do it alone.Connect with Michael Wilson: Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-wilson-4b2090164/ Michael Wilson is a Research Fellow focused on men’s mental health and suicide prevention, based with Orygen at the University of Melbourne.Since 2018, Michael has published and presented research both nationally and internationally across a range of subjects, including healthy masculinities and mental health in young men, improving training for mental health practitioners around engaging and responding to help-seeking men, and understanding risk and protective factors associated with suicidal thoughts and behaviours in men.His research currently focuses on men's mental health and suicide risk in the context of intimate partner relationship breakdown.Resources: Main paper: https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2026-40673-001.html Other research: https://scholar.google.com.au/citations?hl=en&user=avSkawsAAAAJ&view_op=list_works&authuser=1&sortby=pubdate Mental Health Academy course on understanding men's suicide risk post breakup: https://www.mentalhealthacademy.com.au/catalogue/courses/breaking-up-breaking-down-understanding-and-addressing-mens-suicide-risk-in-the-context-of-intimate-relationship-breakdownConnected Teens https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Mentioned in this episode:Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

ADHD is often misunderstood, especially in therapy. In this episode of This Complex Life, I talk with ADHD coach Ron Souers about what happens when therapy meets the realities of living with ADHD.We explore what it means to understand ADHD beyond the label, how it impacts emotions, relationships, and self-worth, and why self-compassion and curiosity make all the difference.You’ll hear about:The emotional side of ADHD (and how grief can show up after diagnosis)Common misconceptions in therapy and how to address themThe importance of validation, empathy, and communicationHow to support emotional regulation and connectionWhy therapy needs to focus on skills, not just medicationListen now wherever you get your podcasts.Resources:Listen to previous ADHD episode:Turning ADHD Struggles into Strengths:  How understanding your ADHD brain and practicing self-compassion can help you thrive.Connect with Ron Souers:Don’t Mind Me, I Just Have ADHD PodcastConnected Teens https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Mentioned in this episode:Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

We all like to think of ourselves as grown-ups, but what does it really mean to grow yourself up? And how does that shape every relationship you have at home, at work, and with the people you love most?In this encore episode, I’m joined by Dr Jenny Brown, author of Growing Yourself Up: How to Bring Your Best to All of Life’s Relationships. We explore what maturity actually looks like in practice, why we can’t change others without first managing ourselves, and how family patterns shape the way we love, work, and connect.You’ll hear about:The difference between genuine maturity and “borrowed” maturityHow family systems influence the way we manage stress and relationshipsWhat self-differentiation really means (and why it’s so important)Why emotional independence isn’t the same as disconnectionHow to stay calm and connected during family stressWhy growing up is a lifelong process, not something we finish in adulthoodIf you’ve ever found yourself reacting to your family dynamics or wondering why certain patterns keep repeating, this conversation will help you see yourself and your relationships in a whole new way.Learn more about Dr Jenny Brown: https://parenthopeproject.com.au/ Resources:Previous conversation: Building Stronger Parent-Child Relationships: A Conversation with Jenny Brown Connected Teens https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Mentioned in this episode:Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

As kids grow into teens, they start to need more independence, and for many parents, that shift can feel like rejection. When your child pulls away, stops talking, or wants less of you, it’s easy to take it personally.In this encore episode of This Complex Life, I unpack why this happens, what it means for your relationship, and how you can respond in ways that protect connection instead of widening the gap.We’ll explore:Why parents often feel rejected as their children grow upWhat’s actually happening when teens pull awayThe shift from being your child’s “manager” to their “consultant”How to stay connected without guilt or controlWhat healthy boundaries look like during this stageHow to model accountability and repair after conflictListen now and learn how to stay close, even when your teen seems far away.Resources:Part of this conversation: https://marievakakis.com.au/the-psychology-of-rejection-and-what-to-do-about-it/ Learn more about Connected Teens™, an on-demand program to help you rebuild communication and strengthen connection: https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Mentioned in this episode:Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

It can feel heartbreaking when your teenager pulls away, shows little interest in your life, or seems dismissive of family connections. This is a common experience for many parents,  and while it can feel personal, it’s often just part of healthy adolescent development.In this episode, I talk through what’s happening for teens at this stage, and what parents can do to stay connected without pushing their kids further away.You’ll hear about:Why teenagers turn toward peers and away from parentsHow to avoid taking their changes personallyMoving from “manager” to “consultant” in your parenting roleWhy empathy is key (even when you disagree)The problem with angry pursuit and guilt-driven connectionHow to invite closeness without criticismPractical ideas for spending meaningful time togetherWhy listening and curiosity matter more than fixingThis episode is all about finding ways to feel connected, even when your teen seems uninterested in you.Resources:Submit a question for a future episode: https://forms.gle/6GJsNv9MeppUvw5j8 Connected Teens Program: https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/  Grab my free ebook https://marievakakis.com.au/my-teen-wont-talk-to-me/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Mentioned in this episode:Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Friendships are some of the most important relationships we have, but they’re also one of the easiest to neglect. In this episode of This Complex Life, I’m joined by Steph Clarke, futurist, facilitator, and author of How to Friend, to explore whether we’re really facing a loneliness epidemic, how friendships evolve as we age, and why maintaining meaningful connections takes intention.We talk about: • Why friendships can feel harder to maintain in adulthood • How technology shapes connection and disconnection • Overcoming fear of rejection and ‘cringe culture’ • The importance of making time for low-stakes hangouts • Why conflict and repair are part of healthy friendships • Simple ways to nurture friendships in everyday lifeSteph works with leaders to anticipate change and challenge the status quo, and she brings that lens to personal connection, offering practical advice for building meaningful friendships in a fast-paced, digital world.Listen now and start small; a simple message or quick call could mean more than you think.Resources: • How to Friend by Steph Clarke • 28 Thursdays • Join the This Complex Life NewsletterConnected Teens https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Mentioned in this episode:Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/