This Complex Life

You still like each other. You get along well. There's no crisis, nothing obviously broken. You've just stopped feeling in love the way you used to, and you're not sure whether you can get it back. That's the Ask Marie question this episode answers, and it comes up more often than almost anything else I hear in my consulting room.What this episode coversWhy what you're describing is extremely common and what the difference between drifting apart and falling out of love actually meansThe plant metaphor: why a relationship that doesn't get what it needs fails not because it wasn't resilient but because it wasn't tendedFive signs you've drifted: patterns have become functional rather than romantic, conversation is mostly logistics, small moments of connection have disappeared, you're on autopilot, you're coexisting rather than connectingWhy this happens, especially when children arrive, and why the relationship gets quietly deprioritised because it seems more stable than everything else demanding your attentionThe emotional piggy bank: why small consistent deposits build the buffer you need when hard times come, and why so many couples are in overdraftBids for connection and the three ways we respond to themWhy weekend getaways often make things worse and what actually works insteadHow to start the conversation using I statements that describe feelings rather than the other person's behaviourWhy tone matters as much as words and how the same sentence can land completely differently depending on how it's deliveredHow to pick the right timing for a difficult conversation and stop setting each other up to failThe marathon session story: a couple who fell back in love after two days of deep conversationSmall deposits to start todayTimestamps0:00 Introduction and the Ask Marie question2:30 Why drifting apart is different from falling out of love5:30 Five signs you've drifted15:00 Why it happens: parenting and deprioritising the relationship20:00 What actually works23:00 Bids for connection and the emotional piggy bank27:00 How to start the conversation32:00 Picking the right time35:00 The marathon session storyResources and LinksRelationship Reset courseOpen-ended questions for couplesMarathon sessions at The Therapy HubKeep the Conversation GoingGot a question for Ask Marie? Send it through: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9Instagram: @marievakakisWebsite: marievakakis.com.auENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Why won’t my partner communicate with meIt’s one of the most common questions I hear in the therapy room and it’s usually coming from someone who feels shut out, unheard or like they’re carrying the emotional load on their own.In this episode of This Complex Life, I’ll share what’s often really going on when communication feels blocked, when you keep fighting or arguing. Because most of the time, it’s not about a lack of words. It’s about emotional safety, overwhelm and patterns that quietly shut conversations down.I talk about emotional flooding, the communication patterns that make things worse instead of better, and how the way conversations start can set them up to fail before they even begin. I also explore how what we learned about conflict growing up still shapes how we show up in our relationships today.You’ll also hear practical questions you can ask that invite reflection instead of defensiveness, and small shifts that can help you feel more connected without escalating into another fight.In this episode, we exploreWhy communication problems are rarely just about talkingEmotional flooding and shutdown and why it feels impossible to stay presentThe Gottman Four Horsemen and how they show up in everyday conversationsHow criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling block connectionWhy timing and tone matter more than being rightHow family of origin shapes your comfort with conflictQuestions that help you understand each other instead of escalatingIf you’ve ever thought we just don’t communicate anymore, this episode is for you.ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Mentioned in this episode:Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Have you ever found yourself thinking my partner is not the same person I fell in love with.Maybe you still care deeply but something feels off.Conversations go in circles.You keep fighting about the same thingsOr you feel lonely even though you are still together.This is a pattern I see often in my work as a couples therapist. Most couples want the same things. Connection. Safety. Feeling valued. Where they get stuck is in how they try to get there.In this episode of This Complex Life, I walk you through five common patterns that show up when couples feel disconnected over time. This is not about fixing your partner. It is about understanding what is actually happening underneath the surface when two people who care start missing each other.Feeling disconnected does not automatically mean you have outgrown each other or chosen the wrong person. Often it means the relationship has not been updated to match how life and people have changed.In this episode, I share the 5 common mistakes I see people make. • Why relationships can feel harder as life gets fuller• How unmet expectations quietly create distance• What happens when both people are trying but still missing each other• Why assuming they should just know leads to resentment• How criticism and contempt creep in without you noticingIf you are feeling stuck, confused, or wondering what happened to the closeness you once had, you are not alone in this. Some of this is uncomfortable and that is okay. Understanding the pattern is often the first step towards repair.Tired of going round in circles with your partner?Relationship Refresh is a practical couples program that helps you stop the blame game, communicate better and feel like a team again.👉 marievakakis.com.au/for-couplesIf things feel more stuck and you need deeper support, you can book an Intensive Couples Therapy session with me through The Therapy Hub👉 thetherapyhub.com.auStruggling to talk about sex, desire or intimacy without it getting weird or shutting down?Download my free guide How to talk about sex, desire and connection: https://mailchi.mp/marievakakis/a-guide-to-talking-about-sex-and-intimacyConnected Teens https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Mentioned in this episode:Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Breakups can be hard on all of us, they can shake our sense of self in ways we don't expect. For men, the emotional impact is not something that's often spoken about. They’re taught to suck it up and get on with it. In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with  Michael Wilson, a Research Fellow focused on men’s mental health and suicide prevention to talk about why men often struggle silently during breakups and how society’s ideas about masculinity shape the way they cope.We explore how shame, identity loss and isolation can build after a relationship ends, and why many men do not seek help until they reach a crisis point. There is another way to move through it. Understanding, connection and emotional honesty can help men rebuild their sense of self with more clarity and confidence.In this conversation, we talk about • Why breakups can shake men’s identity • How conditioning around masculinity affects emotional expression • The role shame plays in silence • What men wish they could say but feel they cannot • How to support men without jumping into solutions • Ways to rebuild confidence after a relationship endsIf you are working through a breakup or navigating a season of change, you do not have to do it alone.Connect with Michael Wilson: Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-wilson-4b2090164/ Michael Wilson is a Research Fellow focused on men’s mental health and suicide prevention, based with Orygen at the University of Melbourne.Since 2018, Michael has published and presented research both nationally and internationally across a range of subjects, including healthy masculinities and mental health in young men, improving training for mental health practitioners around engaging and responding to help-seeking men, and understanding risk and protective factors associated with suicidal thoughts and behaviours in men.His research currently focuses on men's mental health and suicide risk in the context of intimate partner relationship breakdown.Resources: Main paper: https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2026-40673-001.html Other research: https://scholar.google.com.au/citations?hl=en&user=avSkawsAAAAJ&view_op=list_works&authuser=1&sortby=pubdate Mental Health Academy course on understanding men's suicide risk post breakup: https://www.mentalhealthacademy.com.au/catalogue/courses/breaking-up-breaking-down-understanding-and-addressing-mens-suicide-risk-in-the-context-of-intimate-relationship-breakdownConnected Teens https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Mentioned in this episode:Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

ADHD is often misunderstood, especially in therapy. In this episode of This Complex Life, I talk with ADHD coach Ron Souers about what happens when therapy meets the realities of living with ADHD.We explore what it means to understand ADHD beyond the label, how it impacts emotions, relationships, and self-worth, and why self-compassion and curiosity make all the difference.You’ll hear about:The emotional side of ADHD (and how grief can show up after diagnosis)Common misconceptions in therapy and how to address themThe importance of validation, empathy, and communicationHow to support emotional regulation and connectionWhy therapy needs to focus on skills, not just medicationListen now wherever you get your podcasts.Resources:Listen to previous ADHD episode:Turning ADHD Struggles into Strengths:  How understanding your ADHD brain and practicing self-compassion can help you thrive.Connect with Ron Souers:Don’t Mind Me, I Just Have ADHD PodcastConnected Teens https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Mentioned in this episode:Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

We all like to think of ourselves as grown-ups, but what does it really mean to grow yourself up? And how does that shape every relationship you have at home, at work, and with the people you love most?In this encore episode, I’m joined by Dr Jenny Brown, author of Growing Yourself Up: How to Bring Your Best to All of Life’s Relationships. We explore what maturity actually looks like in practice, why we can’t change others without first managing ourselves, and how family patterns shape the way we love, work, and connect.You’ll hear about:The difference between genuine maturity and “borrowed” maturityHow family systems influence the way we manage stress and relationshipsWhat self-differentiation really means (and why it’s so important)Why emotional independence isn’t the same as disconnectionHow to stay calm and connected during family stressWhy growing up is a lifelong process, not something we finish in adulthoodIf you’ve ever found yourself reacting to your family dynamics or wondering why certain patterns keep repeating, this conversation will help you see yourself and your relationships in a whole new way.Learn more about Dr Jenny Brown: https://parenthopeproject.com.au/ Resources:Previous conversation: Building Stronger Parent-Child Relationships: A Conversation with Jenny Brown Connected Teens https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Mentioned in this episode:Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

As kids grow into teens, they start to need more independence, and for many parents, that shift can feel like rejection. When your child pulls away, stops talking, or wants less of you, it’s easy to take it personally.In this encore episode of This Complex Life, I unpack why this happens, what it means for your relationship, and how you can respond in ways that protect connection instead of widening the gap.We’ll explore:Why parents often feel rejected as their children grow upWhat’s actually happening when teens pull awayThe shift from being your child’s “manager” to their “consultant”How to stay connected without guilt or controlWhat healthy boundaries look like during this stageHow to model accountability and repair after conflictListen now and learn how to stay close, even when your teen seems far away.Resources:Part of this conversation: https://marievakakis.com.au/the-psychology-of-rejection-and-what-to-do-about-it/ Learn more about Connected Teens™, an on-demand program to help you rebuild communication and strengthen connection: https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Mentioned in this episode:Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

It can feel heartbreaking when your teenager pulls away, shows little interest in your life, or seems dismissive of family connections. This is a common experience for many parents,  and while it can feel personal, it’s often just part of healthy adolescent development.In this episode, I talk through what’s happening for teens at this stage, and what parents can do to stay connected without pushing their kids further away.You’ll hear about:Why teenagers turn toward peers and away from parentsHow to avoid taking their changes personallyMoving from “manager” to “consultant” in your parenting roleWhy empathy is key (even when you disagree)The problem with angry pursuit and guilt-driven connectionHow to invite closeness without criticismPractical ideas for spending meaningful time togetherWhy listening and curiosity matter more than fixingThis episode is all about finding ways to feel connected, even when your teen seems uninterested in you.Resources:Submit a question for a future episode: https://forms.gle/6GJsNv9MeppUvw5j8 Connected Teens Program: https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/  Grab my free ebook https://marievakakis.com.au/my-teen-wont-talk-to-me/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Mentioned in this episode:Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/