This Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life

In this back-to-life episode, Montréal’s favourite self-deprecating Russian interviews Erica. Riveting questions include:Erica, why did you decide to start a podcast? How’d you come up with the name, This Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life? Tell us all about your creative angst and writer’s block! Have you ever been diagnosed with autism? (Vad told me to cut that part out but I decided to keep it in.)Erica and Vad go deep into creative routines, the quest for authenticity, Erica’s youthful longings to go on Oprah, the drama of the gifted and difficult child, and how to reconcile this with the fixings of adult life. It all comes together with a tome of a listener question from My Vision Board Jumped Off a Bridge in 2011. Vad and Erica can’t fix it—but we have thoughts. And for even more thoughts, this listener question comes with all-new FREE AND EXCITING BONUS CONTENT. Please hit up Erica’s longform blogpost answer to MVBJOABI-2011. FREE AND EXCITING BONUS CONTENT RIGHT HEREFollow Erica on Instagram @erica.j.schmidt or check out her website at ericajschmidt.comFull show notes at ericajschmidt.com/podcast/your-life-does-not-have-to-be-a-spectacular-ted-talkAbout VadVadim Gran is famous for his elaborate beard, and Eeyore sense of humour which he infuses into his storytelling and barbecue banter. In 2019, he made his fringe festival debut, performing the wildly popular show Happy-ish, A Russian Immigrant’s Guide to Smiling. It was by all accounts a smash hit. These days Vad is ultra busy first-class adulting and flipping burgers at the epic summer barbecues he hosts with his partner Andrea and previously his darling dog Jake, may he rest in peace. Vad recently upgraded his skills in computer programming, and he’s hoping to also maybe upgrade his skills in podcasting. This interview was a great start. Thank you so much, Vad!About EricaErica J. Schmidt is available on all your favourite podcast platforms. She is not particularly famous but she used to be the Mile End’s most famous cleaner as the founder of Deep Cleans with Erica J. Schmidt. May it rest in peace with Jake the Dog. She is also a little bit famous for twirling her hair incessantly. Erica’s life’s greatest joys include creative projects, friendship, library books, exercise, cleaning routines, and em dashes. Her creative life includes a bunch of writing, storytelling, a tiny bit of stand-up comedy. And in the spring of 2023, she fulfilled her lifelong dream of starting her own podcast, This Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life.Links, Resources, and Recommended EpisodesWhy Fish Don’t Exist, book by Lulu MillerBehind the Bastards presents: Part One: Is Oprah Winfrey a Bastard? There are many parts, available on all the platforms.)Erica’s old blog The Ecstatic Adventures of the Exuberant BodhisattvaAnd if you enjoyed this episode, you might also like: Taking the Pressure Off with Erica J. Schmidt, First Date With Amir, and Caroline and Erica Can’t Fix it—But We Have Thoughts.Listener Question from My Vision Board Jumped Off a Bridge in 2011Dear Erica and Vad,I'm in my early forties and I've recently made peace with the modest fixings of my adult life. When I was in university, I studied International Development and I thought I'd end up joining the Peace Corps and working for the UN or doing something similarly praiseworthy and altruistic. Instead, I am trucking along at a humble 9-5. It is not particularly glamorous, or even fun, and sometimes it takes up more energy than I have. But it lets me pay for my life with relative ease, and I can splurge on treats to make up for some of the inconvenience. One of my favourite parts of my life is my group of friends. We met in university and never lost touch. At least once a week, we get together to eat and shoot the shit and online shop for deals and laugh at reality TV clips. I know I am so lucky to have these people and this outlet, but lately I've felt a bit triggered by one of my friends. Let's call him Alex. Alex has a similar livelihood as I do, though maybe it doesn't drain him quite as much. But it's like he feels oppressed by steady income with benefits. He's constantly berating the complacency and grind of a day job, how the 9-5 is a crime against humanity, stripping us of our joy and physical health and creative potential. He's constantly pouring himself into self-improvement projects: impossible fitness regimes, the keto diet, life coaches, empowerment conferences, and mysterious online "communities" where bright-eyed and Botoxed high achievers exchange life hacks for optimizing their existence according to their Vision Board. At least two of these endeavours reek of some kind of cult or pyramid scheme. Alex always claims to be on the cusp of some pinnacle of ultimate growth. But he never seems to get there. I watch him ride up and down these waves of hope and possibilities only to fall into deep discouragement and depression when the diet or the ahayuasca journey or conference failed to launch him into the life he was meant to live. It's exhausting to watch! And it makes me feel like because I'm accepting of my own gig and simple life, that he's probably judging me for being complacent and unambitious. Do you think I should say something? He is more or less driving me nuts. Love, My Vision Board Jumped off a Bridge in 2011THANK YOU, WITH LOVEThank you so much for listening! To support this independent podcast, please consider purchasing a Lil and Bud dog greeting card at ericajschmidt.com/merch. You can also make a one-time donation here at The Donate Button. Feel free to get in touch for other sponsorship possibilities. My infinite thanks for all of this.More infinite thanks, as always, to Taes Leavitt (darling big sister, Big Heart Journey), Sherwin Tjia (technical and creative advisor, Sherwin’s Quirky Events, Episode 22) and my dearly departed aunt Eileen Gun, whose generous gift helped to fund my new podcast equipment. And infinite thanks to you, my dear listeners! Stay tuned for more episodes extra soon. Don’t forget to follow This Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life on your favourite podcast platform. And if you enjoyed the episode, I would be immensely grateful if you could share it with a friend and/or leave a kind and enthusiastic rating and review.

Today we have a special episode with my dear pals Jimmy and Isabelle. I met Jimmy and Isabelle at L’Arche, a worldwide network of communities for people with intellectual disabilities. When I was 19, I moved to L’Arche in search of a transformed heart. For two years, I lived and worked with Jimmy, Isabelle, and three other people with wildly different intellectual disabilities.There’s so much I could share about my time at L’Arche, but for today, I’m handing the mic to Jimmy and Isabelle.JimmyJimmy is rocking his early sixties. He has had a whole bunch of different jobs, including working at a daycare and a curtain factory. Jimmy has a passion for Ancient Egypt, bowling, swimming, drawing and colouring, Hulk superheroes, and the Power Rangers. He has a special notebook in his fanny pack which he uses to write secret messages to the Power Rangers. Jimmy has Down Syndrome and an excellent sense of humour. After 20 years at his L’Arche home the SKiff, he is always looking out for his friends and housemates. Whenever anyone walks through the door, no matter how long it’s been, Jimmy greets them with, “I missed you.”IsabelleIsabelle and I are the same age (39 or just about). When we’re together, people always ask if we’re sisters. Isabelle completed her studies at the Montreal School for the Blind, where she was blessed with exceptional teachers like Barbara, Missy, and Juliet. In her youth, Isabelle and I would go swimming, and she’d bravely trust me to push her alongside the river—Isabelle in her wheelchair, me on rollerblades. Everyone survived. Isabelle has complex cerebral palsy, which means she mostly speaks with her eyes, not words, and doesn’t move very much. Her deepest loves include music, prayers, poetry, family, friends, and community.What you’ll hear today is a just a small glimpse into the worlds of Jimmy and Isabelle. This was originally going to be part of a much larger project. And there’s still time for this. But for now, Jimmy and Isabelle, welcome to This Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life.Episode Notes and ResourcesThis recording was created and published with Jimmy and Isabelle’s explicit consent.In 2020, the L’Arche founder Jean Vanier was discovered to have sexually abused several of his mentees. Thankfully, there are no reports of JV abusing L’Arche’s core members, the people with intellectual disabilities. However, the truth is terrible and disappointing. L’Arche has fully acknowledged and apologized for Jean Vanier’s abuse, condemning his actions “without reservation.” To learn more about the horrible revelations, you can read this article. L’Arche has also published a summary of its report on Father Thomas and Jean Vanier.If you’d like to learn more about my years at L’Arche, I wrote an essay called This Is It. Click here to read This Is It by Erica J. Schmidt.To learn more about L’Arche, visit L’Arche International and/or L’Arche Canada.Jimmy and Isabelle live at L’Arche Montréal.If you’re looking for somewhere to donate extra funds, all of these places are wonderful causes.To get in touch with Erica, you can find her on Instagram or her website at ericajschmidt.com. You can also make her day by sending her a listener question to any of these places.And if you enjoyed this episode, you will love: Making It Fun with Mary Owen,Discovering Autism with Maha Abdelhak Cavalcanti, and Taking the Pressure Off with Erica J. Schmidt.Thank you so much for listening! Stay tuned for more episodes extra soon. Don’t forget to followThis Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life on your favourite podcast platform. And if you enjoyed the episode, I would be immensely grateful if you could share it with a friend and/or leave a kind and enthusiastic rating and review.

This Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life welcomes marvellous community builder, multi-disciplinary sound artist, and relative social butterfly Kathy Kennedy.  I met Kathy at one of the 17 Christmas parties she was invited to in 2022. Before that I knew her from when she directed the extraordinary women’s choir Choeur Maha. A conversation and a half with Kathy and I soon discovered that Kathy is as iconic as her far-reaching projects. Her magic awaits, right here on your favourite podcast platform! We even have a few hot takes from Kathy’s spectacular recordings. Listen all the way through, and check out the time stamps below to savour the highlights! (Full shownotes here.)Kathy Kennedy’s Episode00:00 Rousing and arousing intro song and bio 3:07 Quick and very fun break! Don’t forget to follow This Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life and leave a five-star review. Also, please track down Erica and Kathy on Instagram and across the interwebs. 4:22 Interview starts. Question One: How did Kathy get started on her journey to creating this very unique art that requires a certain amount of equipment, a lot of skill? Turns out, Kathy moved from the Gaspé to Montréal as a tween. The assault of noise pollution and hormones left a drastic impact. 7:20 On Kathy’s lifelong fascination: the difference between listening and hearing. 8:05 The definition of acoustic ecology: the study of living beings and their sonic environment. This field was initially ununcovered by R. Murray Schafer who happens to be a Canadian. Go, R. Murray Schafer! His obituary on the cbc.ca was a pretty good read!8:55 Noise pollution and industry in nature, particularly in the ocean is affecting our animal friends. Whales are having a hard time mating! So are the humans. And they’ve discovered that birds are chirping at a higher decibel. 9:30 To cope with the grating sonar landscape, Kathy turned to art and sound (plus a touch of drugs and rock ‘n roll). Thank 11:10 The importance of bringing people together to sing. Kathy believes that singing is our birthright and not just for Celine and American idols. Kind of like Lynne Adams says that if you have a body, you are a dancer, Kathy insists that if you have a voice, then you are a singer! She says, “Singing is a gift.” Be that happy person who’s singing along to the radio in the supermarket. 17:30 Voice coaching and the healing power of helping people find, accept, and embrace their true voice. “I’m trying to focus on the concept of your voice healing you and making you feel good as opposed to wanting to sound any particular way.” 23:03 Fun excerpt from Kathy’s lovingly and painstakingly mixed recordings.23:53 How does Kathy get invited to so many parties? Kathy shares the interesting conundrum of being an introverted workaholic artist whose projects overlap with all kinds of wonderful people. Hear about Kathy’s vision of the good enough café, a non-pretentious opportunity for people to eat and commune in a not amazing but good enough place for her peeps to hang out and luxuriate in each other’s company like it’s the eighties in Montréal.31:01 Another soothing and invigorating excerpt of Kathy’s splendid recording!31:34 Like Daniel Allen Cox, Kathy Kennedy is yet another house fire twin! Kathy shares how her apartment fire was nothing short of a miracle that led her into a state of bliss (and possibly a touch of mania). 44:17 Listener Question from Hurt Inner Child: A daughter looks to her mother for support after a job interview. Guess how that went? Kathy and Erica can’t fix it, but they have thoughts about when to call your parents for best results. 56:28 Our last little bit from Kathy’s exquisite sound art.56:40 Morning routines, creative routines, cleaning routines, and Kathy’s spectacular TED talk: Kathy’s rituals in plant care, the  struggle to transcend technology and fumble into a flow state, how to navigate neighbours and loud hobbies, procrasticleaning, rage cleaning, and more. Stay tuned for Kathy’s imminent book!Half-bad ukulele segment: If You Could Read My Mind by Gordon Lightfoot. Thank you to Lisa at Ukulele Fools for this delightful tutorial. Sing along loud and proud and if you’re playing along, we have the capo on 1!Thank you, Kathy Kennedy! What a blast!Links, Resources, and Recommended EpisodesFollow Kathy Kennedy on Instagram @kathykennedy.ca or on Facebook. Her glorious website is kathykennedy.ca.Follow Erica on Facebook or Instagram or check out her website at ericajschmidt.com. You can also make her day by sending her a listener question to any of these places.Recommended Episodes: 5 Rhythms With Lynne Adams, Hot Dates Frenching With Lou Laurence, and Moments of Joy With Al Lafrance.Listener Question from Hurt Inner ChildDear Erica and Kathy, My relationship with my mother has always been complicated. Most recently, I had a job interview I felt really confident about. I called her right after telling her how I had a good feeling about it. ''Well did they give you any special indicators that you were gonna get the job?'' ''No, I just have a good feeling'' And then I told her that they didn`t have a specific date I'd hear back by (the lady was super busy and her coworkers are on vacation), so I let them know I was taking a personal vacation on August 22nd til the 31st. My mom said I shouldn't have told them that, because that might make them pick another candidate over me. She then went on to talk about her stuff, and I don't get how but we came back to me and she said ''So you feel like you'll get the job?'' and I told her she kind of made me doubt it a little. She then told me I took her thing WAAAAY out of proportion and that I always do this. I told her that she has a tendency of making negative comments which don't necessarily help. I've had communications classes and worked as a special care counselor. But I can't figure out how to communicate with my mom without feeling attacked and belittled most of the time. She does sometimes give good advice, but I think she's a little clumsy in her delivery and timing. Any advice? Love, Hurt Inner ChildTHANK YOU, WITH LOVEThank you so much for listening! To support this independent podcast, please consider purchasing a Lil and Bud dog greeting card at ericajschmidt.com/merch. You can also make a one-time donation here at The Donate Button. Feel free to get in touch for other sponsorship possibilities. My infinite thanks for all of this.More infinite thanks, as always, to Taes Leavitt (darling big sister, Big Heart Journey), Sherwin Tjia (technical and creative advisor, Sherwin’s Quirky Events, Episode 22) and my dearly departed aunt Eileen Gun, whose generous gift helped to fund my new podcast equipment. And infinite thanks to you, my dear listeners! Stay tuned for more episodes extra soon. Don’t forget to follow This Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life on your favourite podcast platform. And if you enjoyed the episode, I would be immensely grateful if you could share it with a friend and/or leave a kind and enthusiastic rating and review.

Back due to wild popularity, we have the exuberant and life-enhancing, Alexia Côté, here for yet another all-advice episode. Tune in as we tackle a fascinating round of puzzling-to-devastating listener questions. Quandaries/Train Wrecks come from:The Best Friend Fadeaway: She’s drifting apart from her ostensibly draining and judgy BFF. Should she just let the friendship fizzle? Is a mature and honest conversation truly necessary?I Wanna Look Cute on Tinder Too: An identical twin uses pictures from her photogenic sister to land dates on the apps. Does this count as catfishing? Must she stop?Playing Second Fiddle to Her Little Brother: He snoops and finds his girlfriend might be hot for a family friend she calls her “Little Brother.” They even have a pact to get married if they’re both single when he finishes college. Is this the mess it feels like, or is he being paranoid?Alexia and Erica can’t fix it. But we have thoughts.Since she last appeared on Episode 20 of This Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life, Alexia has enjoyed a delightful whirlwind of creative thrills. For example, she got into Montreal Fringe last minute and totally nailed it. La Germaine et le Vieux Criss premiered to rave reviews and two Frankie nominations including Best Storytelling Show. Congratulations, Alexia! Follow Alexia on Instagram @sidealexia so you don’t miss her next exciting news. In more upsetting news, Montréal’s beloved Mainline Theatre recently experienced dramatic flooding. They were already hoping to raise a bunch of funds to account for pandemic losses. But now with the extensive damages, they need our help more than ever. The fundraiser is doing great, but it would be splendid if we could give them some extra support. Every bit helps. Here’s the link to the fundraiser. Thank you so much!Half-bad Ukulele Segment: Seabird by the Alessi Brothers. Solidly half-bad!If you enjoyed this episode, you will also enjoy, Moments of Joy With Al Lafrance, and Caroline and Erica Can’t Fix It, and Erica and Alexia Can’t Fix It. But We Have Thoughts.Thank you so much for listening! To support this independent podcast, please consider purchasing a Lil and Bud dog greeting card at ericajschmidt.com/merch. You can also make a one-time donation here at The Donate Button. Feel free to get in touch for other sponsorship possibilities. My infinite thanks for all of this.More infinite thanks, as always, to Taes Leavitt (darling big sister, Big Heart Journey), Sherwin Tjia (technical and creative advisor, Sherwin’s Quirky Events, Episode 22) and my dearly departed aunt Eileen Gun, whose generous gift helped to fund my new podcast equipment. And infinite thanks to you, my dear listeners! Stay tuned for more episodes extra soon. Don’t forget to follow This Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life on your favourite podcast platform. And if you enjoyed this episode, I would be immensely grateful if you could share it with a friend and/or leave a kind and enthusiastic rating and review.

I met Iris Bahr at the 2024 Montreal Fringe Festival where she premiered her spectacular one-woman show, “Stories From the Brink.” I laughed endlessly! Afterwards, I was super smooth and awkwardly asked Iris if she would like to be the most famous person to ever appear on This Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life. And Iris very generously said yes. What a thrill!Iris and I recorded outside on Avenue Duluth so you’ll get an authentic Montréal experience, complete with birds, tourists, and exciting cobblestone traffic. We talk about creative routines (or lack thereof), the pénurie de main d’oeuvre, the boundaries we didn’t inherit, the guilt we did inherit, our relationships with our mothers, that time when Iris saw her mother have a stroke over video chat, the years of caregiving that followed, Iris’s autistic brother who grew up in a group home, grief, art, humour, healing, the quandary of online dating, neurotic moments with the dust buster, plus the magical line, “I don’t have the bandwidth for that right now.”About Iris BahrIris Bahr is a multi-talented, multi-voiced writer, artist, and performer. Iris was on her way to becoming a neuroscientist when she changed her mind and decided to pursue a career in acting. This led to all kinds of dreamy creative projects. Iris took up stand-up comedy, she wrote a couple of memoirs, and she appeared on a whole bunch of TV shows, including Friends, The Drew Carey Show, and maybe you’ve heard of Curb Your Enthusiasm? The peeps over there concluded that Iris was so perfect for the role of Rachel Heineman, that they shut down the audition process.In 2010, Iris pitched, wrote, produced, and starred in her original TV series, Svetlana. Meanwhile, she has channeled her colourful childhood and sometimes devastating past into multiple, masterful, and very very very funny one-woman shows. Stay tuned for imminent runs of Stories From the Brink, a hilarious ride through a remarkable number of near-death experiences. The fabulous show won a Frankie at the 2024 Montreal Fringe Fest. (Congrats! So well deserved!)  And coming up at the Toronto Fringe (July 3-14), Iris will be performing “See You Tomorrow,” a poignant and heartfelt comedy about parenting a parent with dementia. I highly recommend jumping at any opportunity to watch Iris do her magic on stage. Iris, it was a joy to have you on the pod! Thank you so much! Until we meet again, See you tomorrow!Links to Iris Bahr’s WorkIris Bahr’s Website at irisbahr.comInstagram @iris.bahrIris Bahr on FacebookIris Bahr’s Workshopsand CoachingTickets to “See You Tomorrow” at the Toronto Fringe (July 3-14)Resources and Recommended EpisodesBurned Haystack Dating Method™The Boy in the Moon by Ian BrownDiscovering Autism With Maha Abdelhak CavalcantiFat Liberation With Emma LanzaMore Episodes With Delightful Comedians:Just for Laughs With Andrew KhouryWhy We’re Still Single With Mariam KhanLaughs for All With Abby StonehouseDream Jobs With John CotrocoisFollow Erica on Facebook or Instagram or check out her website at ericajschmidt.com. You can also make her day by sending her a listener question to any of these places.Listener Question from “Caught Short of Words”Dear Erica and Iris Bahr,At a recent family gathering, my cousin and I were drinking it up andhaving fun dancing outside with some others. My cousin thinks it so funny to fart and watch peoples’ reactions, but this time when he pushed real hard, it was not a fart that came out. When he turned around, the back of his pants were coated, but he just kept dancing and laughing, not knowing the disaster he made in his downstairs department. I didn’t say anything, and others saw it eventually and he was mortified. He isn’t speaking to me anymore because he says I should have told him. Did I do something wrong?Love, Caught Short of WordsThank you so much for listening! To support this independent podcast, please consider purchasing a Lil and Bud dog greeting card at ericajschmidt.com/merch. You can also make a one-time donation here at The Donate Button.Feel free to get in touch for other sponsorship possibilities. My infinite thanks for all of this.More infinite thanks, as always, to Taes Leavitt (darling big sister, Big Heart Journey), Sherwin Tjia (technical and creative advisor, Sherwin’s Quirky Events,Episode 22) and my dearly departed aunt Eileen Gun, whose generous gift helped to fund my new podcast equipment.And infinite thanks to you, my dear listeners! Stay tuned for more episodes extra soon. Don’t forget to followThis Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life on your favourite podcast platform. And if you enjoyed this episode, I would be immensely grateful if you could share it with a friend and/or leave a kind and enthusiastic rating and review.

Content Warning: Drugs, meditation, and naked cleaning. Also, mention of mental health challenges, self-abuse, and suicidal ideation. It remains a blast of an episode!James Paterson has been contemplating the Universe since he was four years old when he would stay up all night listening to Jean-Michel Jarred’s new age synthesizer cassette on his Fischer Price tape deck. Growing up in the 80s and 90s, he showed great promise with computers, but as a teenager, he shifted his energy to drawing in an effort to impress the ladies. Today, James’s work dances around the intersection between drawing, animation, and code. James is fascinated in the points of resonance where these disciplines collide. Grounded in quirky and truly singular drawings, James’s art takes us on an immersive and mesmerizing journey, whether through prints, animation, virtual reality, or these peculiar and life-changing 3-D shapes. I was once the proud owner of an exquisite penis-like finger scroll and I was pleased about this, though alas, the piece did not fare well in my house fire. James is an avid meditator, and integrates meditation into his creative practice, which is as deep as they come and the realest deal I’ve ever seen. This episode was a massive treat and a must-listen for anyone with a quirky, creative, and fluctuating brain. Thank you, James, for this fun fab interview!!!James Paterson on This Is Your Strange and Beautiful LifeJames’s Morning Routine: He’s up at the ass crack, and you’re invited! To spread his love for meditation, James hosts a daily online sitting practice from 5 to 6 a.m. It’s not as austere as it sounds! Drop in anytime. It’s lurker and introvert-friendly. Come late, leave early, judgment free. James promises you don’t need to be a good meditator, and suggests that maybe there’s no such thing. Sit with James and Friends right here.Meditation and Creative Practice and Mental Health: For James, meditation has been instrumental in every aspect of his life. But as far as zealots go, he is palatable and gentle. In fact, he claims that meditation should probably come with a warning label on the bottle. Like it can blow your life apart, especially if you throw in psychedelics. More on that later. Can Meditation Help With Challenging Mind States? Sure, but in an acute mental health crisis, meditation may not be your thing, and it’s certainly not a cure. Doctors and therapists and collages and gardening, these are all great too. Erica loves collages. And library books. Three Buddhist Phrases to Describe James’s Awakening-Slash-That-Time-When-Meditation-and Psychedelics Blew Up His LifeGood in the beginning. Good in the middle. Good in the end.It’s best not to start, but if you do start, it’s best to finish.Once you get the message, hang up the phone. We dove pretty deep into drugs and meditation and awakening but James also had a lot to say about art and creativity. James is impressively disciplined about facing the blank page and perservering until you can’t criticize yourself because you forget that you’re a person trying to make a thing. The experts call this the flow state. And while James’ commitment and body of work appear dreamy and enviable, he assures me that he struggles with finishing things, and that he procrastinates, just like the best of us. These days, focus has become a little easier. And to make it even easier, James just set up a silent, body-doubling work container every day from 10AM to 3PM EST. Hit up a flow state with James right here at presstube.com/work/. What a hustler!Speaking of hustlers, James generously shared the goods on his brief career as a naked cleaner. I may have exerted some influence. Never has our cleaning segment involved so much nudity! Listen to the end so you don’t miss it!Connect With James PatersonInstagram: @presstubeWebsite: presstube.comDaily Sit: Zoom Link HereBody Doubling Container: presstube.com/work/If you enjoyed this episode, you might also enjoy Chill Creative Flow With Jeff Gandell, Are Men Okay? With Keith Serry, or Curiosity With Michelle Syba (Author of End Times).Do You Meditate? By Erica J. SchmidtFollow Erica on Facebook or Instagram or check out her website at ericajschmidt.com. You can also make her day by sending her a listener question to any of these places.Thank you so much for listening! To support this independent podcast, please consider purchasing a Lil and Bud dog greeting card at ericajschmidt.com/merch. You can also make a one-time donation here at The Donate Button. Feel free to get in touch for other sponsorship possibilities. My infinite thanks for all of this.More infinite thanks, as always, to Taes Leavitt (darling big sister, Big Heart Journey), Sherwin Tjia (technical and creative advisor, Sherwin’s Quirky Events, Episode 22) and my dearly departed aunt Eileen Gun, whose generous gift helped to fund my new podcast equipment. And infinite thanks to you, my dear listeners! Stay tuned for more episodes extra soon. Don’t forget to follow This Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life on your favourite podcast platform. And if you enjoyed the episode, I would be immensely grateful if you could share it with a friend and/or leave a kind and enthusiastic rating and review.

Keith Serry is a rockstar. Actually, he’s not a rockstar. But he’s a big fan of rockstars. He hosts the singular podcast, The Volume Knob where guests tell poignant and personal stories, each one featuring a song that saved their life. Beyond his podcast, he is an acclaimed storyteller who has graced many stages from Montréal’s Confabulation to­—maybe people have heard of the TV channel PBS? Keith was on that. A show called Stories from the Stage. Keith is a lawyer by trade, which means he gets lots of things done, even though he is also a husband and father—of two children and the laziest labradoodle in Montréal. But today, we are going to talk about Keith’s imminent show, The List:  A Traumady About Probiotic Masculinity, premiering June 8 at Montreal’s 2024 Fringe Festival. The List takes us on a hilarious and heartbreaking road trip that answers questions like, Why are men like this? Must all the role models be terrible? What’s going on? And, are men okay? Given these volatile times, these are racy topics. It got a little awkward, but I’m glad we went there. Keith Serry, thank you for this splendid episode. Keith Serry on This Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life00:00 - Intro and Theme Song01:16 - Quick and very fun break. Please rate and review This Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life. Please buy tickets to Keith’s Fringe show The List. 03:30 - Keith Serry’s long and impressive bio06:14 - Erica fails to resist the question, What’s it like being really tall? Keith humours and enlightens her.10:35 - The PR Crisis of Cis-White Men. Erica asks, are men okay and why should we care? Keith answers as tactfully as possible.22:12 - What is probiotic masculinity?25:20 - Despite mainly terrible role models, how did Keith Serry grow up to become a nice guy? Did Erica get that wrong? What are the pros and cons of being a nice guy? Keith feels uncomfortable speaking on behalf of nice guys but does his best. 36:38 - Erica remains committed to differentiating the assholes from the decent dudes out there. How does the looks lottery come into play? Can you be conventionally attractive and kind? Is a lack of confidence conducive to more empathy? Why do rich and famous people act a certain way and why do they get special treatment?40:50 Keith tells his law school students: The mere fact that you are here means that you are incredibly fortunate and that can co-exist with the fact that you hate what you’re doing and you don’t want to do it. 42:03 Erica: “Well, how frustrating to have a body. Is how I feel.”43:10 Keith’s shows’ press release mentions bad sex. So Erica asks, what sex is bad, why is it bad, and what’s happening out there?52:00 Listener Question from Who Made the Death Bed? It’s a classic, no-more-sex-after-kids scenario. A heartbreaking dry spell has two new parents continuously missing each other. Who is the asshole? Can anything be done? Keith and Erica can’t fix it. But we have thoughts. 1:07:03 Keith’s Morning Routine: He starts with a stream-of-consciousness journal and an espresso.1:09:15 Keith Serry and Vision Boards: He’s not a fan. Nor does he believe in manifesting. Erica beams at her own vision boards as he tells her this. Keith and Erica talk journalling and Keith elaborates on his creative routine. An essential ingredient: deadlines.1:19:03 Keith Serry’s Cleaning Routine: A strong-willed negotiation amongst family members, with a bunch of help from a lovely cleaner. Shout-out to Mary, and all the miraculous cleaners out there.1:21:01 Half-Bad Ukulele Segment: Space Oddity by David Bowie. I’d say in our top three. Thank you to Cynthia Lin for this splendid arrangement!Listen to the end for Keith’s closing advice!Keith Serry’s LinksKeith Serry on Instagram @volume_knobThe Volume Knob on FacebookThe Volume Knob WebsiteBuy tickets to Keith’s show!Mixing, Ukulele, and Cover Art by Erica J. Schmidt in Montréal, Quebec.Follow Erica on Facebook or Instagram or check out her website at ericajschmidt.com. You can also make her day by sending her a listener question to any of these places.If you enjoyed this episode, you might also enjoy Default Adult Settings and Default Creative Settings with Paul de Tourreil. Or check out Erica’s limited edition First Date With Amir.Listener Question From Who Made the Death Bed?Dear Erica and Keith.I’m a 34-year-old man and my wife is 32. We have one kid who is now three. After our kid was born, my wife and I barely hugged or cuddled or kissed and we definitely did not have sex. I understood that she was touched out but when our child turned one I asked if she wanted to have a physical connection again. I hired a babysitter so that she could have a whole day to herself and we could have a date night. At some point I tried to cuddle her but she rejected me. She told me I would have to find some other way to get what I need. I didn’t have the energy to cheat so I bought a bunch of toys and started to care of myself that way.Now that our kid is 3, it seems like my wife’s sex drive is coming back. But I guess I’m not really feeling it. If she goes to kiss me, I’ll kiss her back but nothing more. Hugs are okay but I don’t want to cuddle. I’m in the routine of just showering and going to bed after I tuck our kid in. A couple weeks ago, she initiated and I said no (nicely) and went to the shower. She went to try and join me in the shower and I left and went to the other bathroom. Later I apologized and she said it was okay. In case she was in the mood again, I bought her some toys and told her she could use them if she was looking for pleasure. She said that she didn’t want toys, she wanted me. I told her that was all good but at that moment I wanted to watch TV.This week she asked me what was going on and why I didn’t want her. I said that I still found her attractive but at this point, it’s been almost 3 years and I’ve had to manage my desires on my own. I’ve figured out my own routine. She asked if I was punishing her. I said I was too tired to punish her. I said it would take time but if she wanted to start right away, she would have to accept that I would be thinking of someone else while we did it. She said she didn’t want that. I told her, then I guess you can just use the toys I bought you. My friends think that I should be a better sport and work on being intimate with her again. They said it’s fair that she wasn’t available in the other years with all the childcare. But I take care of the kid every night and have covered for her for weeks at a time while she was really sick with COVID. Plus once a year, she takes a two-week long vacation. This isn’t all about childcare, but she’s upset and I feel like an asshole. Am I? What should I do? Love, Who Made the Death Bed?Thank you so much for listening! To support this independent podcast, please consider purchasing a Lil and Bud dog greeting card at ericajschmidt.com/merch. You can also make a one-time donation here at The Donate Button. Feel free to get in touch for other sponsorship possibilities. My infinite thanks for all of this.More infinite thanks, as always, to Taes Leavitt (darling big sister, Big Heart Journey), Sherwin Tjia (technical and creative advisor, Sherwin’s Quirky Events, Episode 22) and my dearly departed aunt Eileen Gun, whose generous gift helped to fund my new podcast equipment. And infinite thanks to you, my dear listeners! Stay tuned for more episodes extra soon. 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