Total Playtime

Total Playtime is a weekly podcast about PC games, formerly funded by Patreon and now part of Jank. This is a free episode, but premium episodes are published every two weeks and are only available to paying subscribers. You can join them over here.The prodigal dad returns! Yes, Brendy finally got enough sleep to return to podcasting with his newly minted As A Father Of A Daughter viewpoint, meaning that we are now tied in a dead heat between parents and what I’ll generously call “free spirits”. There was too much news this week, to the point where we even snuck in some commentary about Kier Starmer. It’s only brief, though, as we move on to considering the social media ban and the associated elevated risk of teens becoming cool hackers, the head of AI who thinks generative AI is bullshit, and what was at the time the latest bad news for Xbox although characteristically they’ve pulled some more out since. Plus: the Steam Machine, Nate’s narc child, and please don’t touch my grass. Please ask your doctor if having a baby is right for you. Thanks to all the Patreon and Jank backers who made this happen, the podcast would not exist without you. Thanks also to Alix Attenborough for the editing, Marsh Davies for the art and God Ribbon for the music. Submit parenting advice of any quality to totalplaytimepod@gmail.com or in the comments below.Links!The UK is banning social media for under 16s and the gaming impact is somewhat unclear. Poncle are 'reviewing' their collab with Epic. The former head of Take Two's AI division says it's 'poisoning the well', and a bunch of game devs hate it. Ed Zitron has many thousands of words about why OpenAI is full of shit. Tommy Thonson covers the good AI in games. A superficial level look suggests an AI disclosure on your game means 60% fewer reviews. What happened at State of Unreal. Here’s GI.biz on rising genAI costs and what uses it actually has in game dev. The Steam Machine is pretty pricey but it’s okay, you can’t buy one anyway. Here’s James’ review. Valve probably wanted it to be $750 which it turns out is like £570. Claude Guillemot and Bobby Prince recently died. The Microsoft gaming closure rumours will continue until morale improves. Big John Valorant Pub Pop UpGames!Iron Nest and Beware of the Cartographer!Recommendations!Gelatelli Mini Sticks Double, The Pitt, The Bells of Westminster, For Whom The Spell Tolls, and Mr Beast’s Beef Lumps.

This week Alice and I gathered in hot rooms to have hot takes on the main news stories of the week, chiefly the end of Destiny (and perhaps the employment of many of its developers) and the start of the Disco Elysium sequels. We also attempted to understand the Warhammer Skulls Showcase without Nate to guide us, which didn't get very far but we are quite taken with playing as Skaven.We've also been playing some games, reading some books, and watching daft videos on the internet, all of which we have curated for our discerning audience. You can get still more of this rare insight by backing the show on Patreon (or subscribing to Jank) which gets you two extra episodes a month, and means you join the hallowed ranks of those who make this podcast happen. If you're one of them, thanks: we got this hot for you.Additional thanks to God Ribbon for the music, Marsh Davies for the artwork and Alix Attenborough for the editing. Please send things that aren't Disco Elysium takes to totalplaytimepod@gmail.com.Links!Penny Arcade was problematic because of the dickwolves. Bungie had this comic hanging in their lobby when Jonty visited in, god, 2013. Fond Destiny 2 memories by Nathan Brown and Dom Peppiatt. Rob Fahey on service games ending and The Final Shape. People are not okay about Zero Parades. Nic's review on Jank. Nate explained Warhammer for our Patrons last year. The hench chicken is in Project Windless. Brendy's review of My Summer Car. Jonty's Jank post about Mon Bazou.Games!Destiny 2, Disco Elysium, Zero Parades: For Dead Spies, Esoteric Ebb, Times and Galaxy. Mon Bazou. My Summer Car.Recommendations!The Princess Bride, Yesteryear, Auto Parts City.

It’s an emergency episode this week: both Alice and Brendy were away, so I had to dial in from Vegas to assist Nate in judgement of the main news events. This lead to some sub-optimal audio and a diminished runtime, for which I can only beg your forgiveness. Other errors include misrepresenting how mobile game advertising works and incorrectly saying that Frank Oz puppeteered ET, when in fact ET was played by three different actors. Just a shining example of what happens without Alice there to organise things, really, although we do nail the segues so we’ve got that going for us. You can listen to the episode right here, or find it on your podcasting platform of choice.iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/total-playtime/id1790845149Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1jPv8y9BRzqATFT7zXRxKWAcast: https://shows.acast.com/total-playtimeThanks to all our current Patreons for making the podcast happen, to Marsh Davies for our art, God Ribbon for our music and Alix Attenborough for our editing. Send us your preferred endings and ET at totalplaytimepod@gmail.com. Enjoy the benefits of our partnership with jank.cool. If you like the podcast, please leave us a positive review on your podcast platform of choice: it helps other people discover it,and think how much fun they’ll have.Links!Barry Manilow can be seen at the Westgate every month this year. Hades 2 changed the ending and that’s fine actually because mythology. Microsoft Gaming is Xbox again. Game Pass Ultimate is a bit cheaper and won’t have new Calls of Duty in it. Jonty wrote about Samson for Jank. Boiling Point’s patch notes are rightly famous. The NYT on Dwarf Fortress. Ea-nāṣir achieved immortality. Games!Horizon: Zero Dawn. Mass Effect 3. Turns out somebody made a game based on bad mobile game ads but not in the way I thought. Dwarf Fortress on Steam. Recommendations!Make some blood bread and watch One Battle After Another. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week we have fun (for a given value of fun) discussing Epic's mass layoffs, Sony's dynamic price testing, and the difficulty in reviewing Crimson Desert, maybe. One of these results on an extended discussion of the world's favourite glassy-eyed YouTuber. Please note, Jimmy, that the title is a lighthearted joke; I beg, do not turn your eye of Sauron upon us. Plus! Brendy gets unaccountably upset at us for saying things about mining but in a way that sort of implies we find mining sexually arousing. He genuinely seemed upset during recording as well. I don't think it was a bit. iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/total-playtime/id1790845149Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1jPv8y9BRzqATFT7zXRxKWRSS: https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/6786cf573ceecdbe85eac067Acast: https://shows.acast.com/total-playtimeThanks to all our current Patreons for making the podcast happen, and to Marsh Davies for our art and God Ribbon for our music. Send in what your regional time for woodlice is to totalplaytimepod@gmail.com. Make the most of our partnership by viewing Jank.cool.Links!Epic shitcanned a thousand people, and the Fortnite team are a bit like 'WELP'. Chet Falizsek went on a tear about it. Rumours abound that PlayStation are testing dynamic pricing. Now maybe spotted in the wild? Crimson Desert for some reason became the latest saviour of single player games (I think off the strength of one cool trailer maybe??) and then was distinctly mid. Paul Tassi wrote about how the review build was significantly different to the retail version.Games!Reanimal, Slay The Spire 2, and Hardspace Shipbreaker (and Edwin did write an article about the unionisation aspects!)Recommendations!The UK series of Last One Laughing, the sci-fi movie Project Hail Mary, and to look up and attend any of your local amateur dramatics societies. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s a quiet one this week, as Alice is away doing mysterious things and Nate is away on a secret mission which you’ll have to hear about in two weeks’ time. It thus falls to Jonty and Brendy to ruminate on Xbox without Phil Spencer, games journalism without humans, and deciding which Pokémon starter would be the best restaurant starter. You can listen to the episode right here, or find it in your podcasting app of choice:iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/total-playtime/id1790845149Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1jPv8y9BRzqATFT7zXRxKWRSS: https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/6786cf573ceecdbe85eac067Thanks to all our current Patreons for making the podcast happen, and to Marsh Davies for our art and God Ribbon for our music. Submit your Pokémon recipes at totalplaytimepod@gmail.com. Make the most of our partnership by viewing Jank.cool.Links!Phil Spencer left Xbox, along with Sarah Bond. Everybody except Brendy regards him as a lovely bloke who knew a lot about games. The new boss is a creation of pure business and maybe that’s for the best. Metacritic pulled the Videogamer’s Resi Requiem review for being written by AI after nearly all the staff were laid off. Clint Hocking has left Ubisoft again. We would only eat one of the new Pokémon starters. Games!The tooth-cleaning game Jonty couldn't remember was Shark Dentist. Brendy loves Airframe Ultra; you may also consider Star Wars: Galactic Racer and Deathgrip. The other games we played were The Ratline, Beyond Words, Word Play and Resident Evil Requiem. Marathon is out today so you can find out yourself if Jonty’s just really bad at it.Recommendations!Werner Herzog’s Instagram and Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It was claimed that Sydney Sweeney was excited about the Split Fiction movie, and that’s an excuse for Alice to be absolutely livid about the Split Fiction game, so please strap in for ten uninterrupted minutes of her choking on her own bile. After that, we manage to find time to discuss the nature of Morrowind, people choosing not to go to GDC, Highguard’s doomed pact with Geoff Keighley, the most Alan Partridge thing Alice has ever said, and more.You can download the podcast right here, or find it in your podcasting apps:iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/total-playtime/id1790845149Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1jPv8y9BRzqATFT7zXRxKWRSS: https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/6786cf573ceecdbe85eac067Acast: https://shows.acast.com/total-playtimeThanks to all our current Patreons for making the podcast happen, and to Marsh Davies for our art and God Ribbon for our music. Share your recommendations of games and shrimp at totalplaytimepod@gmail.com. Make the most of our partnership by viewing Jank.cool and perhaps joining the Discord.Links!Syd is not actually hype about the Split Fiction script. Bruce Nesmith reckons Morrowind doesn’t hold up. Nate never visited the Crab Palace. Lots of people said they’re skipping GDC this year but the organisers say it’s fine. Highguard’s debut went badly which the dev considers “risky in hindsight”, although they’re trying hard and the 5v5 mode is now permanent. Please enjoy MerritK’s post in the Jank newsletter, and the rest of Jank.cool come to that. Iron Lung is in cinemas now. Brendy reviewed TR49. Games!Split Fiction. The Elder Scrolls: Morrowind. Highguard is free. Everything Is Crab. TR49. Recommendations!Moldovan Rara Neagra, Shitstorm by Fernando Sdrigotti, 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple, Andycruns on BlueSky. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's a heady intersection of belief systems this week, as we combine Alice's insomniac enthusiasm for weird Instagram crystal sales with Nate's rigorous interrogation of Tim Cain's Types Of Quests. Plus: a horny dog, a nightmarish Pikachu, the Roman god of webinars and Games Anubis joins our increasingly incoherent pantheon.You can listen to the episode right here, or find it in your podcasting apps:iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/total-playtime/id1790845149Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1jPv8y9BRzqATFT7zXRxKWRSS: https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/6786cf573ceecdbe85eac067Nate's Quiz will be coming to Patreon next month, but in the meantime we have many other fine episodes to which you get full access by subscribing at patreon.com/totalplaytimepodcast. Thanks to all our current Patreons for making the podcast happen, and to Marsh Davies for our art and God Ribbon for our music. You can suggest quest types and your means of death at totalplaytimepod@gmail.com.Links!Tim Cain's 9 types of Quest. The moderately nightmarish Lego Pikachu is yours for £179.99. Various people will sell you bootleg plans for Lego Metal Gear Rex and probably also the Horizon Zero Dawn Tallneck because Lego long since sold out. Facepunch offered to buy New World after it was given 12 months to live.Games!Assassin's Creed Origins and New World, but only if you bought it already.Recommendations!The Holdovers, Tokyo These Days and The Long Walk. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Merry Christmas, sausages one and all, and please enjoy our seasonal gift of grumbling about a Geoff Keighley event. All four of us, plus Anthony Hopkins, took time out from Christmas shopping/wrapping/disorganisation to judge the best of the year-end awards season, and also debate movie series that Alice should binge-watch in her act of seasonal self-harm.Plus: the least-qualified discussion of Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 on any gaming podcast this year, Lenny Kravitz as recession indicator, Rolf the Dog smoking a joint with Joe Rogan and finally building The Interat. Correction: Alice mistakenly credited Rage 2 to Ubisoft when it was of course Bethesda and Jonty was too polite to point this out UNTIL NOW.You can listen to the episode directly right here, or find it in your pod catching apps.iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/total-playtime/id1790845149Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1jPv8y9BRzqATFT7zXRxKWRSS: https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/6786cf573ceecdbe85eac067Acast: https://shows.acast.com/total-playtimeMusic by God Ribbon, art by Marsh Davies and our entire existence care of our Patreon supporters, who remain the most special sausages even in the face of stiff seasonal competition. Thanks again for making all of this happen. You can send us comments, feedback and suggestions for terrible movie franchises to totalplaytimepod@gmail.com.Games!Star Wars Fate of the Old Republic, Ace Combat 8, Bradley the Badger, Control: Resonant, Tomb Raider: Catalyst, Sunset Overdrive, Order of the Sinking Star, Ontos, Total Warhammer 40k, Stupid Never Dies, Gang of Dragon.Links!The interminable appearance of the Street Fighter Cast. Here is a music journalist getting mad at "gaming 'journalists' and other slack-jawed, brainless zombies" for disrespecting Andrew WK's E3 performance. Damion Schubert pointed out that Game Awards pricing is actually pretty good by contemporary marketing standards. Casey Hudson and Jason Schreier disagreed on when Star Wars: Fate of the Old Republic will come out. The Divinity trailer was gross AF. The internet was entirely normal about the Divinity statue. The first trailer for Baldur's Gate 3 was also a bit much. Alan Hazelden on being part of a Jonathan Blow game. Some people got hype, and then disappointed, by Half-Life 3 again. Anthony Jeselnik's Top 10 books of 2025.Recommendations!The Sycamore Gap Mystery and The Salt Path Scandal (here's the Observer exposé), A Passion for Passion, the Inside of You podcast, The Three Body Problem. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We celebrate the birth of the Xbox 360, and God's own sausage-in-a-suit-jacket Phil Spencer. But mostly the Xbox 360. We reminisce about what the 'box mean to us, and Jonty reveals some of the behind-the-scenes dead-eyed virtual child Milo goss you've been waiting for. Plus! Games Satan returns with possibly his weirdest question yet.A big thank you to God Ribbon for our music, Marsh Davies for our art, and the best sausages in the world, our Patreon supporters, for financing our silliness. You can share comments, suggestions, feedback, and Xbox memories to totalplaytimepod@gmail.com.You can listen to the episode directly right here, or find it in your pod catching apps.iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/total-playtime/id1790845149Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1jPv8y9BRzqATFT7zXRxKWRSS: https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/6786cf573ceecdbe85eac067Acast: https://shows.acast.com/total-playtimeLinks!Eurogamer's piece on the end of the 360, and their hub of 360 articles. Here's the Milo demo, and the whole 2010 conference that Jonty was at if you're arsed. Enjoy the 360 reveal feat. Elijah Wood on PCGamer.Recommendations!Conceited by Lola Young, Wharf Aquatics, Wirecutter's mystery Amazon pallet unboxing, and The Turn Of The Screw by Henry James. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week we're down a Jonty (not permanently, don't worry) but up a new chair, thanks to our Patreon pals! And it's been a week of upheaval elsewhere, as Microsoft and Xbox has been the focus of a lot of news. Halo is re-back, but also on PlayStation!? What do we think this means for hexboks? Nothing particularly encouraging, but Brendy is annoyed by some Halo rocks. PLUS Nate makes fun of AI, and Alice has been playing Bloodlines 2, as is her curse.A big thank you to God Ribbon for our music, Marsh Davies for our art, and our very cool and majestic Patreon supporters for being the wind beneath our wings - a wind that allows for a new host, no less. You can share comments, suggestions, feedback, and strong opinions about Halo rocks at totalplaytimepod@gmail.com.Links!Xbox allegedly pushes for 30% margins, is unconcerned by other platforms, and is putting arguably its flagship product on the Sony box. Remember when the internet stopped working? That was because of one software bug, but best not to worry unless your bed bricked. EA signed a deal with Stability AI, and it's fun to laugh at bad AI, unless you're on dating apps, I guess.Games!Keep Driving! Bloodlines 2! PowerWash Simulator 2! Dawn Of War! Carimara!Recommendations!Make a kind of mincemeat toast instead of a mince pie, observe Stewthius, the perpetual stew, watch ish's terrifying Minecraft social experiments. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Circumstances forced us to once again talk about serious things this week, as EA has (subject to approval, lol) been bought by a consortium of definitely not the worst people you don't know. Meanwhile, we got a first look at Insomniac's Wolverine game, and for a 'cat rescued from a tree' sorry of levity, Randy Pitchford posted through Borderland's 4's PC optimisation problems.Thanks to our Patreon backers for making this podcast possible! Please consider joining them so that we can start our own ethically pure esports league. Our music is by God Ribbon, our art is by Marsh Davies and our inbox is totalplaytimepod@gmail.com.Links!Don't worry, universally beloved Andrew Wilson is staying on at EA (here's SuperJoost on the acquisition). Wolverine is exceptionally violent, possibly in retaliation for his being kidnapped and ransomed. Borderlands 4 works fine on PC, thank you very much, and Randy Pitchford is fine about it (more on this from HitPoints)Games!Borderlands 4 is fine on PC, stop asking! Marvel at the dynamically soiling onesie in Baby Steps, write your own jokes here about Megabonk, and go off the titular world in RimWorld's new Odyssey DLC. Plus: pleasing moments in Hades 2!Recommendations!The Woolwich Harbour ferry, the town of Cleethorpes, and the reboot of Matlock. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Alice went to Gamescom and she's here to tell us all about it: games, German KFC, stealing from the Capcom booth and posing with the Farming Simulator tractor. A pretty standard Gamescom experience, all told, although she didn't go to the shitty bar that all the other Brits attend or get completely screwed by the German rail system so there's still room for improvement. Plus: the in-game currency for life, big worm, and forcing Jonty to cosplay as a militarised squid-dog.Thanks to our Patreon backers for making this podcast possible! Please consider joining them so that we can force Jonty to go to Gamescom as Business Arbiter. Our music is by God Ribbon, our art is by Marsh Davies and our inbox is totalplaytimepod@gmail.com.Links!The Trap Door is available on YouTube. Legendäre Burger bei KFC. GameDiscoverCo. Why Silksong took so long to make. The Snyder Cut. We are blessed to know The Blorko Guy (who also has a podcast).Games!Silksong is indeed out now although you can't download it. Vampire The Masquerade Bloodlines 2 does not exist in Alice's world. Hirogami is also out now. Resident Evil Requiem. Onimusha: Way of the Sword. Pragmata. NUTMEG! A Storied Life: Tabitha. The Séance of Blake Manor. Monsters are Coming! Rock & Road.Recommendations!The Van Gogh Museum, Deva Roman Experience and Star Trek: Picard - re:View. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Alice was out of action this week, so Jonty and Nate met up to ponder Battlefield 6, cringe over Jonty's new collection of sex games, and reposition the Bioshock jar in the fridge. Plus: the thicc man of Europe, the best artillery in videogames, and another attempt at deal-making. You can listen to the episode directly right here, or find it in your pod catching apps.iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/total-playtime/id1790845149Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1jPv8y9BRzqATFT7zXRxKWRSS: https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/6786cf573ceecdbe85eac067Art by Marsh Davies. Music by God Ribbon. Links!Itch.io is re-indexing free adult content. Countess Lita played No Mercy. Tom Clancy's Tom Clancy was just a huge submarine nerd. GOG gave away a bunch of sex games for freedom. Ars Technica's deep dive on Battlefield and the misery of AAA development. Everybody was playing Battlefront 2 and EA couldn't have cared less. Splinter Cell Conviction at high framerate. God departed RPS and left some parting wisdom on games coverage. Games!Battlefront 6. Star Wars Battlefront (2004), Dawn of War, with Winter Assault DLC. Total Annihilation. GTA Online. Splinter Cell Conviction.Recommendations!Hit Points and Cells at Work!. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.