Voices in the Dark

We live in a culture that prizes youth and tells us that, once our wild 20s are over, we're basically on the slow train to decay and death. But modern science tells us otherwise, as we set out to explore in this episode. Given the cultural narrative of decline and fall, do we even have a sense of what the stages of life are beyond child–teenager–worker–pensioner–dead? New research suggests that there are seven distinct 'primes of life', each with their own strengths, which call into question the narrative of inescapable decay. We look at what we gain as well as what we lose as our years increase – but not without questioning how the scientists came to these conclusions! The studies prompt us to ask what we should prioritise at different stages of our life – when's the time to go all-out, to study something deeply, or to be hitting the gym on the regular? The story of our physical and psychological development is complex and sometimes paradoxical. But beyond the science of it all, how can (and how should) we conceptualise all this so we can say we've led a Good Life? We dig into: the different strengths we gain as we grow older the power of myth to make sense of and value our different primes what we actually lose and gain how Jungian Psychology can reframe our dismissive, mocking attitude to having a 'midlife crisis' Jon riffs on what Carl Jung called the 'Individuation Process', the ancient concepts of the Daimon and the Genius, and we ask how these theories can help us to grow and become who we truly are. LINK: The scientist whose creativity was unleashed after having a stroke is Dr Jill Bolte Taylor. Check out her TED talk here. Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Andrea returns for a live, YouTube-streamed episode as we finally get back in the recording saddle! And we're back with anger. Or at least, a certain kind of anger: the channelled variety which Andrea says is essential to making a true connection with and impact on the outside world. We've decided to shake things up a bit, so we're putting aside our coverage of 'The Laws of Human Nature' and, starting with this episode, will be focusing on issues that fire us up and which need to be talked about. What better place to start than a global conspiracy that continues to put the blame and responsibility for global warming and natural destruction on the shoulders of individuals rather than the true culprits... No, this isn't a 5G conspiracy – it's much worse than that... Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Here's a hidden treasure from the VITD archives for you – our interview with the brilliant and fascinating Michael Garfield! Michael's the host of the Future Fossils podcast, an artist, musician, and a 'sense-maker' of what it means to be having this strange human experience. We spoke to Michael some years ago and for reasons lost to history the episode got mislaid but has now resurfaced! So, not a whisper of Covid to be found, and Jon and Andrea might sound rather chirpier than they have during 2020 – both of which are distinct selling points for the episode. Listening back in the editing room has been a treat that's alternately mind-melting and mind-expanding. Michael brings his unique perspective as a futurist-palaeontologist to bear on the human condition, on what he calls 'a quest to be better ancestors'. In our chat, we dig into Big Questions: What even is reality? If we could truly grasp all its multiple layers, would we even want to, or would it simply drive us insane? Do we have souls and, if so, can they be cloned? And why is Richard Dawkins such a dick? Andrea shares what happened when he dropped acid and watched the whole of Altered Carbon – what do that show's ideas of 'the virtual' have to teach us about our inherently subjective perspective on, well, everything? We also talk Westworld, free will, where fantasies come from, and what it means to be insane. Frankly, there's no way to summarise the richness of this episode, so hit play and discover it all for yourself! Connect with Michael Michael's Patreon Page The Future Fossils podcast Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Maybe you've heard of the shadow? Even if you haven't, you've got one – and there's no escaping it. This episode, we discuss how to discover it, accept it, and stop being driven by negative emotions you don't consciously understand. Carl Jung's idea of the shadow side of the personality is fascinating, vital, and compelling. But it's usually presented in an incredibly complex way – thankfully Robert has made it super accessible, and we're here to break down what it means for all of us today. As we grow up, we're rewarded for certain kinds of behaviour and punished for others. We learn, as children and young adults, to edit ourselves so that we feel loved and accepted. The result is that we start to disown and shut away aspects of ourselves – locking them in the closet and pretending they don't exist. But they do... and sometimes they seize control. The shadow takes over. 'Something came over me!' people exclaim – but that's not true at all. Something came out of them. The shadow speaks, particularly at moments of anger, fear, and stress. Andrea warns that we have to take these emotional outbursts seriously. When people show you who they are – believe them. It doesn't mean that they are only their shadow, but if someone tells you 'you'd be nothing without me!', that came from a real (if usually hidden) place. This isn't just about losing your temper. It's also about how we unconsciously shape ourselves in a way to get our secret, shadowy needs met. If, deep down, we want to be cared for, we can become control freaks until we burn ourselves out and people have to look after us. Or if we feel attracted to members of the same sex, we can become virulently homophobic. Hidden behind these powerful emotions is something else, trying to find expression. Repression doesn't win: it only creates an opposing force which tries to burst its way out of the closet to finally get what it wants. The shadow cannot be escaped – it has to be consciously integrated. You can't make it other people's problems without trashing your relationships and living in a state of repression and denial. And that's exhausting – so exhausting that you won't have anything left over to live the rest of your life. To get anywhere with this psychological enquiry, we have to make sure we ground it in real life examples. Robert offers us the story of Richard Nixon, but we also throw ourselves under the bus, along with Trump, the Tiger King, and a guy who decided to trash Andrea's apartment. Also Including: What if Nixon had been loved? Do autistic people have a shadow – or are they living their shadow? Making sense of emotional outbursts Homophobia and the shadow The psychology of politics (and Donald Trump) Stop being aggressively unique! Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

This is our second episode exploring The Law of Defensiveness, but this time we're breaking it down into some clear steps on how to hone our ability to interact and work with other people! Robert has five key strategies, some of which we dig, some of which we think need some careful reflection before we put them into practice. Becoming a Deep Listener is a great place to start – by listening to others and getting out of your own head and internal narrative, we can learn so much more about the person across from us. When we pay real attention to what lights someone up and what makes them anxious, we're able to shape our reactions appropriately, enriching the conversation and even forging a lasting relationship. Jon brings up his experience of studying a 'negotiation' course. We dig into the 'Mirror Technique' and how to use it without sounding like a malfunctioning robot. Another key technique is to proactively shape the mood of every interaction you have. This isn't rocket science, and yet we so often neglect to do it. If we take the time to bring the right energy to a situation, we can match speeds with other people and truly connect with them. When we try to speak to their best selves, we pay them implicit compliments and give them a judgement-free space to really come out of their defensive shell. Still, encouragement can be a delicate affair – we can be so prickly when it comes to critical feedback, but without it, we end up living a life of dangerous delusion. Confirming other people's self-opinion is a vital skill, but we need to be very careful not to chug down flattery and get drunk on compliments at the expense of reality. Another key principle is not to make other people feel beholden to you. As we explain, the counterintuitive trick to getting help is not to remind others that they owe you one, but instead to remind them of all they've done for you in the past. And, perhaps most important of all, we must carefully allay other people's insecurities by being sensitive to where they lack confidence. Instead, we can learn to praise their deliberate choices, valuing the work and effort they've made, rather than vaguely saying they have 'talent'. Telling Adele she's a great singer means nothing to her; complimenting her for the incredible nuance of her songwriting or emotional delivery, on the other hand, are far more meaningful contributions. Remember, this isn't about manipulation – this is about being a better human. If we could sum this up in a simple mantra, it would be: Don't manipulate people – invest in your relationships. Dividends will follow, but only if the investment is real. Also Including: The Conversation D-Pad – check it out here Providing the right kind of encouragement at the right moment Painting fences the Tom Sawyer way Doing a bad job... strategically Gifts that aren't gifts The decline of Jordan Peterson Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

It feels like we're living through a tipping point in world history. The year 2020 began with the Pope slapping a woman and the Australian wildfires (remember them?). That seemed dramatic at the time, but since then we've found ourselves in the midst of a pandemic, followed by mass protests that began in the US and are now spreading around the world. This episode we try to look behind the matrix: is anything really going to change as a result of the protests, or even the pandemic? Are politicians able or willing to change? And what should we be doing about it? As Trump sends in the army, Andrea thinks we're looking at a resurgence of Fascism. Is he right? Are we once again ignoring the warning signs as our grandparents did 100 years ago? We also respond to criticism we received for our last discussion of COVID-19. Are we just being armchair virologists, acting as if we know better just because we have a podcast? Well, we don't think so... Before the world goes down in a fireball of intolerance and disease, Jon wants to read you some poetry which has been making a positive impact on his life. David Whyte is an incredible poet and thinker – we hope his words will give you pause for thought amidst the chaos. Plus we contemplate the future of the podcast and what directions we might decide to take going forward. Get In Touch! And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

It's Week 4 of Lockdown in the UK and we've got the band back together. Well, the duo. Andrea and Jon are back in the virtual studio to make some sense of a world awash with fear, confusion, conspiracy theories and lots of very bad science. What does the coronavirus mean politically, socially and culturally? How far should the state be involved in tackling the crisis? Are Sweden's fears justified that any kind of lockdown opens the door to a totalitarian state that'd somehow be far worse than mass death? Andrea breaks down the science and the numbers (bad news, Sweden – you're fucked). Despite that, Andrea is unusually optimistic about the world that might come after the crisis. What if breaking our routines or an unreflective faith in capitalism might lead us to build a more balanced, compassionate civilisation? How might that happen, and dare we believe it's even possible? What the hell is going on with David Icke and conspiracy theories about 5G? In times like these, it's hard to know what to think, and in the UK the authorities are clamping down hard on these ideas. But what about free speech? What's the difference between censorship and 'no-platforming'? Should we be supporting the principle of free speech, or should we be getting misleading fools off the airwaves? Away from the media, what are you doing during lockdown? There's a strange sense of pressure to be super creative – to start all those projects you've been putting off for a rainy day… but is it really so bad (or 'unproductive') to just sit on the couch and rest? We also ask what The Black Swan has to teach us about the present moment and whether outsourcing your moral compass makes you a monster (like Batman). LINKS COVID-19 Trends for Italy, Britain, USA and Sweden Graph of Confirmed COVID-19 deaths Graph of Confirmed COVID-19 deaths showing relative change GET IN TOUCH! And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world BE SILLY. BE KIND. BE WEIRD.

In this episode, Robert Greene forces us to confront our inherently covetousness nature: we always want what we don't have. And yet, if we do get those things, we rapidly fall out of love with them. Why does possessing something make our enjoyment of it fade? Why is the grass always greener on the other side, no matter how often we jump back and forth over the fence? Jon has experienced a lot of this recently. Nomadically wandering the globe was often stressful and demanding, and he found himself longing for stability and being closer to his friends. But, just a few months after settling back into the UK, he finds himself looking back at rose-tinted memories of life on the road. Context changes everything: the parts of us which are undernourished in any setting start to shout the loudest for attention. Is there a way to balance these competing desires? But this is about more than wanting physical things. We also do this with people! It's easy to become taken for granted if you make yourself too available to others; if you lay all your cards on the table; or if you act 100% predictably all the time. It's time to change things up and become more mysterious and elusive. This Law of Human Nature is closely connected to several of the 48 Laws of Power: Law 4: Always Say Less Than Necessary, Law 8: Make Other People Come to You – Use Bait if Necessary, and Law #16: Use Absence to Increase Respect & Honour. We humans just can't seem to help ourselves – when something seems scarce or just out of sight, we clamour to possess it, to unlock its mysteries. But what if being mysterious and playing games just isn't your nature? What if we're so bombarded these days by people being either ultra mysterious or ultra vulnerable that we're forgetting something crucial. We need to be more sensitive to context: tricks and tips about being mysterious and distant might work if you're playing networking or seduction games, but they are far less effective if you're trying to build deep interpersonal bonds. Doing a vanishing act and refusing to open up can be toxic for friendships, and, in truth, not even that good for business relationships (especially when dealing face-to-face). Ultimately, our innate covetousness – our desire for change and for more – can be harnessed for good. It can drive us to grow, to learn, to have new experiences and use our imaginations as a springboard into the future. The danger is that we just keeping looking for change and never enjoy what we have when we receive it People often say that, after climbing some kind of mountain in your life you realise it's lonely at the top. But wait a minute – what actually happens when you climb a mountain is an incredible, exhilarating sense of achievement and peace as you stop to take in the view. The trick is not to think about the next mountain, but to take the time to appreciate where you are, here and now. Also Including: Why Coco Chanel was the master of this Law Struggling to Say Less Than Necessary when asked direct questions Are crowds reassuring or terrifying? How money and the internet ruin everything Mysterious sex Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

After an unintentional hiatus, Jon and Andrea return for their seasonal year in review, where they reflect on what they've learnt, how their goals and values have changed, and what the goddamn hell might be next... This time we didn't quite manage to record in the bar of a 5-star hotel as we have in the past, but it was great to get behind the mics again and share what's been keeping us busy over the past few months. Jon has now finally moved to London (again), so more frequent episodes should be coming your way. So long as Andrea doesn't flee the country in the wake of Brexit, that is. Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

The idea of the 'gentleman' increasingly seems a thing of the past – a costume drama caricature, or an old fashioned toff whose connection to the present day is, at best, a pending #MeToo revelation. Jon certainly held those prejudices until he was introduced to the work of Zach Falconer-Barfield, the man behind 'The Perfect Gentleman', who's made it his mission to bring the best qualities of the well-rounded, Renaissance gentleman into our modern world. We quiz Zach on what being a gentleman really means, from manners and style, to etiquette and honour. As he sums up, the key is 'to make others feel at ease, even at expense to yourself' – something which goes far beyond simple ideas of 'masculinity' and into being a socially-conscious person who lives and acts deliberately, according to a strong internal code. But this is 2019. What about the crisis of masculinity? What about toxic masculinity? Isn't a gentleman a dangerous thing to be in today's world? Zach has a different take: we're experiencing a crisis of gender. As thousand-year-old stereotypes and norms have increasingly unravelled in just a few decades, we're only beginning to find our feet. And when we find our feet, we can also find balance: the balance of the 'masculine' and 'feminine' in each of us. This is a far-reaching and far-ranging conversation about the human condition and our modern lives. Fundamentally, it is a conversation about respect: respect for oneself and respect for the people around us. Including: Manners vs. etiquette Which James Bond was the most gentlemanly? Reforming the education system How the Victorians stifled our emotions Practising deliberate style Developing your personal honour Find Out More: The Perfect Gentleman website, Facebook, and Instagram Becoming the Perfect Gentleman book Follow Zach & Andrea's cooking show: The Suited Chef Zach's personal Instagram Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

What would you do if the police called, informed you that you're a victim, and that they want you to give evidence about a sexual assault you've already tried to put behind you? That's the bizarre and challenging situation Jon found himself in recently, and in this episode we talk about the emotional and moral dilemmas he faced when trying to deal with it. Should you participate in a police investigation if the likely outcome is that someone goes to prison – a place where rehabilitation definitely takes a backseat to punishment? Where is your moral or social duty in all this? Shouldn't you take action if it could help others... but what if the authorities won't tell you enough to know whether you'd really be helping anyone at all? (And, being the police, do they even seem to care about the 'helping' rather than the 'punishing' aspect?) This is a Bro Talk episode, so we also spiral outwards across a variety of other subjects, from V for Vendettato dreams of abandoning your family, what makes a person delicious, to why we should rethink the word 'promise' and its role in our lives. Jon has started playing World of Warcraftagain and is worried about whether this spells the end of his life... or if real life is ultimately inferior to online gaming. Subject to being abandoned on a desert island, Andrea is plotting to write a book about why irreversible decisions are the only things that give meaning to our lives. And, just because we can, we try to untangle Andrea's unique mix of misanthropy and romanticism, before contemplating how much popular support we'd need to start a revolution. Also Including: Why does rape seem worse than murder? Becoming Schrödinger's victim What does Anarchism really mean? Dropping acid in a concentration camp Handshake deals and what they (should) really mean Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Narcissists aren't what you think they are. We throw the word around so liberally these days that it's almost been drained of real meaning. But narcissists are real. Narcissists are dangerous. We need to know how to spot them before we become enmeshed in their web of psychological warfare. First of all, narcissists are not the same as egotists. They actually don'tthink they're amazing and then try to force their amazingness on the rest of us. On the contrary, they have such a damaged and fragile sense of themselves that they rely on outside input to feel that they exist at all. They have no self-esteem safety-net and instead live a desperate existence in which they try to make everything about them. Lacking a core sense of self means you endlessly try to calibrate and maintain it in relation to other people. That means drama, mind games, and a brutal disregard of other people's lives and agency. But Robert Greene reveals a still more disturbing truth which we dig into in this episode. We are all on the narcissist spectrum. We all see the world with us at its centre. We find ourselves waiting to speak rather than listening to others. We take things too personally and react with anger rather than trying to put ourselves in others' shoes and think about what lies behind their words and their actions. This episode provides you with a toolkit for recognising deep narcissists before they entangle you (because at first they will seem incredibly warm, charming and insightful). But it also turns the magnifying glass back on ourselves so that we can strive to become healthy, empathetic narcissists. We can't disown our nature, but we can certainly do the personal work to make ourselves better, kinder and more effective humans. Jon and Andrea open up about their own narcissistic tendencies, the mistakes they've made, and the narcissists they've survived. We talk about abusive bosses, partners and mentors... and in the process pull back the curtain on Andrea's time at London Real to tell you who Brian Rose really is. Also Including: How perturbation points shape who we are Fucking up your kids The virtues of silence Treating people as ends, not means The healthy narcissist and how to become one Social Justice narcissists Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Do you find yourself repeating the same negative patterns in life? Finding yourself in the same argument with your partner, friends or colleagues? Or maybe reacting to stress with the same emotionally destructive fire, which you always end up bitterly regretting afterwards? To understand how we humans tick and why these patterns can dominate and strangle our lives, first we have to confront the uncomfortable truth: we are all fundamentally irrational. This episode, we explore why that's true, why we constantly try to pretend it's not, and what we can do to be better, happier and more effective humans. In it, we confront and begin to unshackle ourselves from our inner tyrant: the roiling emotions which secretly control and often enslave us. Unlike The 48 Laws of Power, Robert Greene's new book is not so much about how to get other people to do what you want, but how to get yourselfto do what your rational mind truly desires. So what does it mean to worship the rational, as the Ancient Greeks did during the height of their civilisation? As we dig deeper into the topic, we realise that there's a danger, too, in taking rationality too far. Without emotion, we can become sociopaths, or we find ourselves in a state of paralysis by analysis. Robert takes us on an epic tour of the hidden biases which undermine our ability to be rational, from confirmation and group bias to the bizarre and dangerous consequences of the 'halo effect'. Do you know why you make decisions? Do you stop and consider where your emotional reactions are actually coming from? What if we think about everyone we encounter as a salesman of sorts, peddling their particular views and desires and pressuring us to impulsively buy-in? The Laws of Human Naturehelps us to learn that we should never impulse-buy on the doorstep. But we also have to think of the emotional forces within us the same way: don't succumb to their wiles as they try to sell you the same old reactive and destructive patterns that you've probably been playing with since childhood. Robert teaches us how to observe the clues to our own and others' natures; to analyse our emotions down to their roots and discover their true origins... and, in the process, how to Know Thyself. Along the way, Jon and Andrea share some (often painful) moments where their emotions and biases took control; why they've given up on trying to change other people; and what it means to exist on purpose. Also Including: The ancient Greek concept of nousand why it can save your life Why men often transmute all strong emotions into anger Identifying your emotional salesman – and getting them in line! Making your mind a safe space The power of assuming positive intent Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.