What Do You Mean By That?

Get your weekly WDYMBT newsletter here: https://dearwhitewomen.beehiiv.com/subscribe The first openly transgender person Sara ever knew lived down the hall from her, during their first year at Harvard. This was 1996 - in other words, a time when being transgender wasn't a common point of discussion, and most people likely weren't aware if they'd met someone who was transgender. But this classmate didn't just talk about it in the walls of their first-year dorm, he talked about it on national television. And today, after thirty years, they're crossing paths again to discuss his new novel and a question we can't stop thinking about: what happens when we stay silent? Author, educator and transgender rights advocate Alex Myers has spent about 25 years in prep schools, as a student, teacher, coach and now school director. His latest novel, While We Were Silent, imagines what real accountability could look like when the "boys will be boys" explanation no longer holds. In this conversation, we explore why institutions protect their own, and what changes them: Why "that's just tradition" should be a red flag Why who holds leadership, and whether they hold real power, matters more than the title The glass cliff: when women and people of color are handed institutions already on the brink How secrecy and "in-network" hiring let harm move from place to place A hiring approach that draws on many perspectives, not just the future boss's Telling your story in a way that is authentic without being too close to the heart Being an ally when no one from the affected community is in the room When to engage with hateful questions, and when to walk away A fiction-writing exercise for facing your fears About Alex: ALEX MYERS is an award‐winning author, educator, and speaker whose work sits at the intersection of gender, identity, and school culture. As the first openly transgender student at Phillips Exeter Academy and Harvard University, Alex has spent nearly three decades advocating for transgender inclusion while teaching in prep schools across the country. His long career in the classroom has given him a rare, firsthand view of how gender dynamics, power structures, and silence shape student life—insights that deeply inform both his fiction and nonfiction. Alex is the author of several acclaimed novels, including Revolutionary, Continental Divide, and The Story of Silence. His newest novel, While We Were Silent, draws directly from his lived experience as a trans educator navigating the complexities of prep‐school environments—especially during periods of institutional reckoning around past and present misconduct. Through gripping storytelling, Alex explores how communities confront harm, who gets believed, and what it takes to break long‐standing patterns of silence. In addition to his fiction, Alex consults with schools worldwide on gender inclusion and is the author of Supporting Transgender Students, a practical guide for educators and parents. He lives in Vermont with his wife and two cats.

Five years ago, Sara and Misasha published Dear White Women: Let's Get (Un)comfortable Talking About Racism - and almost immediately got an email accusing them of being the racist ones for naming it. On this anniversary episode, they finally answer the questions they've never asked each other out loud: What was the hardest feedback they ever received? What's the most quoted, most powerful section of the book? And in a moment of DEI rollbacks and book bans, does the book's message still hold up - or does it hit even harder now? This isn't a nostalgia lap. It's an honest look at what it costs to have these conversations, what changes when the political weather shifts, and why "getting uncomfortable" is still the whole point. And, for the first time, we're going to do time stamps for the show notes - what do you think? Worth keeping these? [00:03] The email that started it all: "Naming our platform 'Dear White Women' was racist" [01:04] Why they called the book what they did - and Misasha reads the passage from the intro that readers ask her to share out loud at every talk [07:13] The hardest feedback in five years: a declined invitation, and the line that stung - "you identified more as white" [08:19] Sara's identity journey: growing up under her Japanese mother's roof, years surrounded by white community in Arizona and Colorado, and the phone call after the Atlanta spa shootings that changed everything [10:54] Misasha on why identity belongs only to the person living it - and why imperfect, honest conversations matter more than perfect ones [14:52] Then vs. now: writing the afterword right after January 6, the hope they had, and what it's like rereading it in 2026 [18:10] What's aged well in the book, and what they'd revise [19:39] Would they still call it Dear White Women? (Spoiler: yes - and why white women's voting power makes the name matter more, not less) [21:15] Why the podcast became What Do You Mean By That? - and what organizations are actually asking for now [25:00] What a first-time reader should walk away with: the Listen | Learn | Act framework [27:33] A word for anyone who's burned out on this work - plus a first look at Sara's new book, Different: The Joyful Survival Guide for Parenting One-of-a-Kind Teens (with Dr. Kelli Harding, March 2027) Mentioned in this episode: Dear White Women: Let's Get (Un)comfortable Talking About Racism by Sara Blanchard & Misasha Suzuki Graham (The Collective Book Studio, October 2021) Want Sara & Misasha to speak at your organization, school, or book club? CONTACT US!

If you were with us back in our early days, you remember we did a whole episode on redlining: the history of it, the literal red lines drawn on maps in the 1930s to keep Black and immigrant families out of the mortgage market, and how that legacy still shapes segregation and the racial wealth gap today. We're including that full episode, edited slightly for context, in this conversation. What we didn't fully appreciate back in 2019 is that the episode wasn't just a history lesson where we were looking back in time. Rather, it was actually the opening scene of this update you're getting today. A lot happened immediately after we recorded that episode that set the stage for everything that is occurring right now, in this second Trump administration, that directly impacts something that we care a LOT about: community, neighborhoods, and who gets to belong. So we thought we'd revisit redlining as a way to show just how the fight for community itself is shifting over time, and how we're all impacted by federal policy shifts designed to target those of us who are most vulnerable. We hope you listen, share widely, and think about these issues as we head into a contentious midterm season. What to listen for: What redlining was, historically, and how it continues to impact our neighborhoods today Predatory lending practices that harm all of us The problems with gentrification The fight over "disparate impact" (i.e., showing that discrimination exists is enough, and you don't need to prove intent to discriminate) and its impact on equality

Do you know someone who's been incarcerated? Have you ever actually asked them their story, instead of judging them on that one fact? Because 95% of incarcerated people eventually leave prison and come home. They are our neighbors, our coworkers, our family members. Here's why this is relevant to you today: This administration has made "tough on crime" the centerpiece of its second term - among other things, reviving the federal death penalty, pushing back against cashless bail reform, and pressuring prosecutors nationwide to seek harsher sentences (when, of course, it benefits them and/or the MAGA agenda). The message from Washington is loud and clear: punishment first, everything else second. But here's a question nobody in Washington seems to be asking: what happens after? How we treat people when they come home - whether we see them as people, or permanently as their worst mistake - says as much about us as any policy coming out of Washington. So today we're going straight to a conversation that is one of our favorites, with someone who's lived both sides of this story: Marcus Bullock, CEO of Flikshop, who was incarcerated as a teenager and built a company helping formerly incarcerated people stay connected to their families and rebuild their lives. This is a conversation about what "law and order" actually looks like on the ground and in people - not just in the abstract. What to listen for: Marcus's origin story for Flikshop: how his mother's daily letters and photos during his eight-year sentence became the blueprint for a company that now keeps families connected to incarcerated loved ones The moment Marcus, at 15, stood before a judge and didn't grasp what "concurrent" and "consecutive" sentences meant; he just wanted to know if he'd be home for Christmas. Why Marcus resists the word "felon" (and "inmate" and "convict") What it was like to go through adolescence and puberty inside an adult maximum-security prison, and the moment - a conversation with a friend serving 31 years - that broke him out of denial about his own situation The "class system" Marcus describes inside prison - from commissary money to medical care to solitary confinement - and how closely it mirrors inequities on the outside His reflection on perspective as "better than courage and hope," and how prison reframed what counted as hardship The emotional toll on his mother - isolation, cost, fear - as a reminder that incarceration ripples through entire families Applying to 41 jobs and getting rejected every time before the 42nd said yes - and what that reveals about resilience versus a broken system The real cost of the "have you been convicted of a felony?" checkbox - from job and housing applications to a story about being flagged by TSA at his own construction site How Flikshop Angels grew from a gesture by John Legend into a way for kids with incarcerated parents to send selfies to their moms and dads His challenge to listeners: change the dinner table conversation first - humanizing returning citizens starts there About Marcus: Marcus Bullock is an entrepreneur, justice reform advocate, and TED speaker. Following his 2004 release from prison, he launched a construction business that grew to employ other returning citizens. Bullock is the Founder and CEO of Flikshop, Inc., a software company that builds tools to help incarcerated people stay connected to their families and build community. He also founded the Flikshop School of Business, a program that teaches returning citizens life skills and entrepreneurship via computer coding and software development. Marcus is an inaugural cohort member of Techstars Anywhere 2018 and John Legend's Unlocked Futures business accelerators. He was selected as one of The Root's 2019 100 Most Influential African Americans in the U.S. He is also a member of the Justice Policy Institute's board of directors, Advisory Board member for Princeton University's Prison Teaching Initiative, and serves as an advisor to the Georgetown University McDonough School of Business and Aspen Institute's Opportunity Youth Incentive Fund. Married with two children, Marcus' story has received coverage from Forbes, CNN, Washington Post, Black Enterprise, and NPR. Venture: Flikshop is the tech platform that allows family members to connect easily with their incarcerated loved ones. The Flikshop app is famously known as the Instagram for prisons, allowing users the ability to send personalized pictures and messages delivered as postcards to any person in any cell in the US. Website: http://ww.flikshop.com/

Crystal Echo Hawk's daughter gets asked if she still lives in a teepee. And Crystal's response isn't rage - it's something more unsettling. She gets it. Because 87% of American schools stop teaching about Native peoples after 1900, and 78% of Americans know very little about Native people. So that question, as painful as it is, makes a terrible kind of sense. The last data point most Americans have on Native people is somewhere around third grade. And then nothing. Crystal Echo Hawk is a citizen of the Pawnee Nation of Oklahoma, the former executive director of IllumiNative, a national, native-led, non-profit organization born out of the "Reclaiming Native Truth Project", a research project from 2016-2018, and was the largest public opinion research project ever conducted about native people. She is one of the most important voices in the country on what it actually means to be Native American in America today - not in a history book, not in a Halloween costume aisle, not doing the horrifying tomahawk chop in a stadium. This is a conversation you won't want to miss. "There is no stupid question, as long as it's asked with respect." Crystal What to listen for: Invisibility and erasure of the Native American culture creates bias and fuels racism. 27 states do not mention Native Americans in their curriculum. Representation in TV and film is between 0% and 0.04% of all representation. Within that sliver, the Native American is often shown in a stereotypical fashion. i.e., magical, mystical Indian, drunks, or savages. One study found that when you type the words "Native American" in a search engine, 95% of those images that come up are pre-1900, and are almost always men. YET, there are 573 independent, sovereign nations within this country. Each nation has its own language, its own customs and cultures, and systems of government and elected officials. "Native American", "American Indian", and "Native Peoples" are all terms that are preferred over the word "Indian". Yep, we discuss Christopher Columbus and Thanksgiving and Halloween and the offensive usage of stereotypes in sports, from the Native American perspective. Vote with your dollars: support Native American-owned businesses. There are more than 5 million Native Americans in the US. Take a moment to search and learn about who the traditional Native Peoples in your area were. Recommended Companion Podcast Halloween and Cultural Appropriation About Crystal Echo Hawk Crystal is the founder and President of Indigenous House, powered by Honey Badger Partners. Crystal also founded IllumiNative in 2018 as an outgrowth of the Reclaiming Native Truth (RNT) project, the largest public opinion research and strategy-setting initiative ever conducted by and for Native peoples. Crystal designed and co-led the RNT project as CEO of Echo Hawk Consulting (EHC). Through EHC, Crystal served as a leader of tribal and philanthropic teams that raised and directed the reinvestment of $37 million in Native communities. Crystal previously served as the first Executive Director of the Notah Begay III Foundation and led program design and investment of $9.7 million in Native obesity/diabetes prevention and youth leadership.

If you're a repeat listener to the podcast over the last almost SEVEN years, you know that sometimes, we've done seasonal arcs in which we focus on a topic or theme for the season. (And if you've just found us - hello!) This year, we're doing something different: a year-long focus on action, which is the third pillar of our listen, learn, and act framework. It moves us from "what can I do?" to "here's how I show up." We'll take the things that you've been curious about (but didn't want to ask about, maybe), break down the history behind them, and walk you through why these things matter. And then we'll throw in tips on how, now that you know about them, you can make small changes in your own lives to make a huge impact in your communities and in the fight for all of us. We're in it to win it this year. Hope you'll come along for the journey. Welcome to 2026, and a whole new year of What Do You Mean By That? - the podcast about asking better questions, having deeper conversations, and taking action that helps all of us. Make sure you're signed up for our newsletter to catch all the details in between. What to listen for: What does a name actually carry beyond just identification? The cocktail party effect of perking our brains up, increasing engagement, attention, and memory. Plus, the big answer: belonging. Even to a whole country. Why does mispronouncing or misspelling someone's name — even unintentionally — have an impact? Just ask Miasma… I mean Misasha. AKA "Sasha" in coffee shops. Why do people so often hesitate to ask for help with names? Perfectionism, fear of awkwardness (but isn't it also awkward to get it wrong?!), and the effort it takes to actually listen to and learn someone's name. What happens when people feel pressured to shorten, change, or "Americanize" their names? Sure, study after study proves we are biased against certain names. But is that enough reason to ask folks to erase their heritage, their parent's pride, their sense of identity - so you can call them "Alice"? Getting names right is a simple but powerful practice of belonging. Make the effort. For more like this, listen to our conversation with Mita Mallick (another "get my name right" advocate) on colorism. And this conversation with Naomi Raquel Enright on specific phrasing around identity (i.e., presumed to be White, instead of White-presenting or passing for White) Finally, to read more, check out our book Dear White Women: Let's Get (Un)comfortable Talking About Racism.

In today's episode, we sit down with feminist author and activist Soraya Chemaly for a conversation that feels both urgent and deeply grounding. Soraya's new book, All We Want Is Everything, traces how male supremacy shows up everywhere—our politics, our homes, our faith spaces, our workplaces, and especially in the lives of our children. Together, we talk about the rising backlash against women and queer people, the ways boys are being pulled into misogynistic online spaces, and why so many young men are drifting toward anti-democratic movements without even realizing they're being manipulated. Soraya offers a powerful reframe for what we're seeing culturally, along with real, everyday actions that families can take to disrupt old gender scripts—on sports fields, around dinner tables, and in the tiny moments we rarely name but constantly repeat. This conversation is challenging, hopeful, beautifully honest, and filled with the clarity that can actually shift how we move through the world. Let's dive in. What to listen for: What inspired Soraya to write this book, now, beyond the backlash from the presidential elections. The one cultural shift she'd want to see in the next decade: Young men understanding that the anti feminism they are largely accepting and in many cases promulgating is a manipulation. "If boys could understand that they, too, are part of progressive movements in a way that allows them to accept women as equals, and that means also equal competitors, for example, in school, then that's what I would want to see. " Specific actions that hold the line for feminists and womanists, and the roles we have to play What practices we all use to sustain ourselves in challenging times About our guest: Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning author and activist. As a cultural critic, she writes and speaks frequently about gender norms, social justice, free speech, sexualized violence, politics, and technology. The former Executive Director of The Representation Project and Director and co-founder of the Women's Media Center Speech Project, she has long been committed to expanding women's civic and political participation. Soraya's most recently released book, All We Want is Everything: How We Dismantle Male Supremacy, has been called "a potent rallying cry for a beleaguered feminist movement." In it, she challenges dearly held beliefs about gender and equality today, drawing clear lines between the dynamics of intimate inequality and global anti-feminist, anti-democratic backlash and machofascism. Her first book, Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger, was recognized as a Best Book of 2018 by the Washington Post, Fast Company, Psychology Today, and NPR, and has been translated into multiple languages. She is a contributor to several anthologies, most recently Free Speech in the Digital Age and Believe Me: How Trusting Women Can Change The World. Soraya is also a co-producer of a WMC #NameItChangeIt PSA highlighting the effects of online harassment on women in politics in America. Her work is widely featured in the media, documentaries, books, and academic research. As an activist, Ms. Chemaly also spearheaded several successful global campaigns challenging corporations to address online hate and harassment, restrictive content moderation and censorship, and institutional biases that undermine equity and negatively affect free speech. Before 2010, Ms. Chemaly spent more than fifteen years as an executive and consultant in the media and data technology industries.

Are you a little worried about holiday conversations with your relatives and family members in this increasingly polarized political climate? You're not alone. Welcome to something new – a live discussion with our guest, Dr. Bill Doherty, co-founder of Braver Angels and a deeply experienced relationship therapist, coaching one of us (Sara) through how to have difficult conversations, not in theory, but with an actual extended family member who has differing political viewpoints from me. Nowadays, politics is personal. So, as much as it's tempting to bury our heads in the sand, these conversations are skills of democratic living - we can't abandon them at a family level and expect our political leaders to do it for us. You won't want to miss the discomfort, the realizations, the tips and perspectives that can help us ALL have better, more meaningful connections and conversations with the people we love in our lives – even and especially if we don't always agree with them. What to listen for: What are the two types of conversation levels, and what you should do when one or both are challenged by something like a provocative question Why it's important to have difficult conversations like these 1-1, versus in a group How we approach these conversations with a "grownup" mindset, despite what we're seeing these days on a more global scale About our guest: Bill Doherty is a Professor Emeritus in the Department of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota. As a therapist, he focuses on couples on the brink of divorce and on political stress in relationships. He has authored 14 books for professionals and the public. Following the 2016 U.S. Presidential election, he co-founded Braver Angels, a citizen initiative bringing conservatives and liberals together to counteract political polarization and restore the fraying social fabric in American society. Bill is the chief designer of the Braver Angels workshops and has conducted workshops all over the country, including for state legislatures and Members of Congress. Braver Angels now has volunteers working in all 50 states. Among his awards is the Lifetime Achievement Award from the American Family Therapy Academy. Related episodes: How to have uncomfortable conversations, our primer for holiday seasons How to have compassionate dialogue, with Dr Nancy Dome