Who We Are with Rachel Lim

Most of us have been taught that the pressure Singaporean parents feel is a mindset problem. That we just need to relax. Stop being so kiasu. The data tells a completely different story. Associate Professor Teo You Yenn spent three years interviewing 92 Singaporean parents across every class background for her new book Unease; and what she found will reframe how you see your own life. Not just parenting. The whole thing. She makes the case that the exhaustion, the anxiety, the feeling that you're doing everything right and still something is off.. none of it is personal. It's structural. And until we understand that distinction, nothing changes. We talked about: Why "kiasu" is not a cultural trait; and what it actually is What it means that most parents describe their child as a problem to solve Why Singapore's falling birth rate isn't a fertility problem - it's a conditions-for-family-life problem The three quiet costs to our society that nobody is talking about What the opposite of unease actually is (it's not ease) What stayed with me long after we stopped recording: the way we're living is shaping who we're becoming. As individuals, as parents, as a society. And we haven't stopped to ask if this is who we want to be. Chapters 00:00:00 Introduction 00:01:36 Meet You Yenn: Exposing the Contradiction of Singaporean Success 00:04:02 Defining “Unease”: The Quiet Struggle of Helplessness in Singapore 00:05:45 Why “Kiasu Mentality” is Too Simple an Excuse 00:07:33 How the System Conditions Singaporeans to Run the Race 00:10:48 The Painful Cost of Losing Agency 00:12:00 Returning to the Original Dream of Prosperity in Singapore 00:14:30 Seeing Our Children Through the Lens of Problems 00:16:49 Reevaluating Our Values Across Class Lines 00:20:48 The Unequal Weight of Motherhood 00:23:42 What Does a “Pro-Family” Society Look Like? 00:25:43 Singapore’s Low TFR: A Fertility Problem or a Family Life Problem? 00:28:01 Singapore’s Obsession with Finding “Top Talents” 00:32:29 Shifting the Narrow Definition of “Family” in Singapore 00:34:17 Writing for a Historian 50 Years from Now 00:36:10 Finding Hope in a Shared Public Resonance 00:39:15 Final Reflections Follow Rachel here: https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/ Follow You Yenn’s updates here: https://www.instagram.com/ethosbooks/ Purchase ‘Unease: Life in Singapore Families’ here: https://www.ethosbooks.com.sg/products/unease-life-in-singapore-families Write in to the team at hello@rachreflects.com

You may know him as “Xiao Ming”, the funny guy behind the shades, the face of SGAG. But in this conversation, I sat with Adrian Ang, the man behind the persona.Adrian and I go way back to our school days. And over the past few years, we’ve reconnected, not over memes or milestones, but over the messy, honest work of untangling who we are from what we’ve built.In this episode, Adrian opens up about the cost of becoming someone the world applauds, and the quiet courage it took to start unbecoming what no longer served him.We talked about:The moment his son asked him to take off the sunglassesHow he nearly lost himself trying to keep it all togetherDrinking to escape, leading while empty, and hurting the people he loved mostAnd what it really means to heal — slowly, gently, from the inside out00:00 Introduction: The Man Behind the Persona01:37 Adrian Today: Diving Beneath the Surface04:54 Kampung Childhood & Free-Spirited Beginnings06:50 Becoming “Xiao Ming”: The Internet Persona Is Born09:20 When the Character Overshadows the Creator11:22 The Cost of Compartmentalising Who We Are16:17 Chasing Impact, Validation & Approval22:37 What Success Really Cost Him25:56 Breaking Point: The Spiral He Couldn’t Ignore30:31 Shutting Down, Pushing Love Away34:53 Reclaiming Himself, One Layer at a Time38:58 The Practice of Healing & Rewiring44:12 The Hardest Work: Sitting With Discomfort48:54 Learning to Find Peace Within51:29 Redefining Success, Impact & Enoughness56:58 To My Younger Self: It’s Okay to Feel01:02:58 If His Eyes Could Speak…01:04:08 Closing Reflections: The Journey Back to SelfFollow Rachel here: https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/Follow Adrian here: https://www.instagram.com/adrian.xiaoming/

Tan Su Shan’s story is more than a career trajectory; it’s a masterclass in resilience, reinvention, and redefining what it means to lead. In this special and intimate conversation during Love, Bonito's IWD event, Su Shan, now the CEO of DBS, reflects on her journey from intern to the top of one of Asia’s most influential banks.She opens up about the moments of self-doubt, the lessons learned from “demotions,” and how she learned to command a room without changing who she is. From cultivating clarity and conviction, to breaking through the “sticky floor” that holds many women back, Su Shan shares powerful truths about ambition, presence, and the price of leadership.Whether you're a rising leader, a seasoned professional, or simply navigating what it means to take up space in your own life, this conversation is filled with wisdom, warmth, and actionable insight.00:00 Introduction00:38 From Intern to CEO: Su Shan’s Early Days at DBS02:04 When a “Demotion” Becomes a Turning Point07:16 Facing Self-Doubt and Leading Through Discomfort08:57 Learning to Command the Room with Confidence12:02 Grounding Leadership in Customer-Centricity14:08 How “WRECKOON” Shaped Her Perspective as a Leader15:41 The One Leadership Skill That Will Define the Next Decade17:57 The Best Investments Su Shan Has Made in Life19:28 Q&A: Building Clarity and Communicating with Impact21:07 Q&A: Finding the Right Mentors and Sponsors23:59 Q&A: What It Really Takes to Build Great Teams26:15 Final Reflections: What Leadership Means TodayFollow Rachel here: https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/Follow Su Shan here: linkedin.com/in/tan-su-shan-50296732

In this powerful episode, Wes Kao; co-founder of Maven and pioneer of cohort-based learning, joins us to explore what separates good leaders from great ones, and why intentional communication is at the heart of it all.We dive into everything from how to sharpen your judgment and make faster, better decisions, to why concise communication isn't just efficient, it's essential. Wes unpacks her signature concept of “avoiding negative inception” and shows how certain well-meaning phrases can actually sabotage your message and plant doubt.We also talk about how to turn worries into action, why owning your strengths is a quiet superpower, and what it looks like to challenge your own thoughts with intention. Wes shares her biggest leadership challenge to date, and how she learned to balance transparency with confidence, especially when leading through uncertainty.If you're a leader, creator, or communicator of any kind, this conversation is packed with tactical wisdom that will shift how you speak, lead, and show up.Topics we cover:The communication traps even smart leaders fall intoWhat it means to “incept negative ideas” and how to avoid itWhy saying less can help you lead more effectivelyThe underrated power of self-awareness and reframingHow to personalise your communication to truly connectTune in and learn how to lead not just with vision, but with voice.00:00 Introduction00:55 Wes Kao’s Passion for Education 02:08 Good vs Great Leadership: What Sets Them Apart?04:12 How to Sharpen Your Judgement and Make Better Decisions 08:28 The Importance of Concise Communication 10:24 Stop Incepting Negative Ideas: How to Protect Your Message14:41 Turning Your Worries Into Action 18:54 The Beauty of Owning Your Strengths 22:53 Saying ‘No’ to Unproductive Struggles 26:33 The Art of Challenging Your Own Thoughts 29:51 Wes Kao’s Biggest Leadership Challenge and Lessons Learned 31:59 Transparency vs. Confidence: Communication as Leaders 35:05 The Importance of Personalising Your Communication 36:25 Episode Closing Follow Rachel here: https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/Follow Wes Kao here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/weskaoSubscribe to her newsletter here: https://newsletter.weskao.com/

Leadership is more than just strategy; it’s about self-awareness, emotional mastery, and the ability to lead from a place of integrity and presence. In this special live session, renowned leadership coach Joyce Chen joins a room full of entrepreneurs for a deep, unfiltered conversation on what it truly means to lead with consciousness.This episode features four live coaching sessions, where Joyce guides participants through some of the most pressing leadership dilemmas:🔹 How to hold yourself and your team accountable using the Teach the Class method.🔹 Navigating burnout and knowing when to take a break; is it a whole-body yes or time to realign?🔹 Leading by example; how to teach the Above-Below the Line framework through role modeling.🔹 Overcoming overwhelm and uncertainty; learning to trust your instincts while staying open to growth.Through raw, honest coaching and actionable insights, Joyce helps uncover the deeper patterns that shape how we lead and shows us how to shift into a more empowered, intentional way of showing up - both in business and in life.00:00 Introduction00:54 Understanding the ‘Above-Below the Line Framework’03:42 Shifting from Contraction to Expansion 05:24 ‘Teaching The Class’ Method for Improved Accountability 12:00 ‘Whole Body Yes’ Framework: Navigating Burnout and Indecision 18:04 Role-modelling and Implementing Change as Leaders20:41 The Importance of Joy and Celebrating Wins 24:55 Evaluating Progress from Above the Line / How to Know I’m Doing Things Right26:46 Final Reflections and Key TakeawaysFollow Rachel here: https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/Get connected with Joyce: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joyce-chen-coach/

At 77, James Dyson is still inventing, still questioning, and still challenging the way things are done. His story is a testament to the power of persistence, the beauty of thinking differently, and the magic that happens when you refuse to give up.James knows what it means to push through doubt, failure, and rejection. For years, no one believed in his vision of a bagless vacuum. He was rejected over 5,000 times, told that customers wouldn’t want to see the dirt they were cleaning, and advised by experts to follow industry norms. But he didn’t listen. Instead, he bet on his instincts, ignored focus groups, and built one of the most revolutionary companies of our time.In this personal conversation, James Dyson shares the unconventional mindset that led to his greatest breakthroughs - why he believes naivety is an advantage, why failure is something to run toward, and how resilience is the real key to innovation.We talk about:Why he believes naivety is an advantage - and why fresh thinkers change the worldThe art of trusting yourself - especially when everyone else says you’re wrongWhy experts and market research can lead you astray - and when to follow your gut insteadThe Dyson vacuum, the bladeless fan, and the products that almost never happenedWhat it takes to push through self-doubt and uncertaintyThe James Dyson Award and his greatest hope for young innovatorsIf you’ve ever doubted yourself, faced rejection, or wondered if your idea was worth pursuing—this conversation is for you.00:00 Introduction01:58 How Dyson Fuels a Culture of Innovation03:41 The Advantage of Naivety 05:43 James Dyson’s Leadership Approach 08:25 The Art of Trusting Your Instincts 10:26 Pivotal Figures in James Dyson’s Innovation Journey 12:53 Intuition vs. Data: When to Trust Your Gut Over the Numbers14:45 Overcoming Your ‘Pain Barrier’ to Achieve Breakthroughs16:14 How James Dyson Overcame Failure 21:29 The Evolution & Impact of the James Dyson Award25:33 The Billboard Question: James Dyson’s Message 25:59 ClosingFollow Rachel here: https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/Stay updated with the James Dyson Award here: https://www.instagram.com/jamesdysonaward/