Your Secret Is Safe With Me

What if making major life decisions didn't have to be so agonizing? Many people assume that the bigger the decision, the more time, uncertainty, and emotional turmoil it should involve. But what if you could make major life decisions thoughtfully without turning them into an exhausting, never-ending mental ordeal? In this episode, I share the story of leaving Costa Rica and deciding where to move next, and I use that experience to illustrate a different approach to making major life decisions. Along the way, I explore why we often create unnecessary suffering around major life decisions and how we can avoid making difficult feelings into bigger problems than they need to be. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/236 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

What do you do when you've decided you don't want to continue your affair, but you still desperately want to contact your affair partner? So many people assume that if they truly wanted the relationship to end, they wouldn't feel the urge to reach out. But what if those urges don't mean you made the wrong decision at all? In this episode, I talk about why learning how to tolerate the urge to contact your affair partner is very different from resisting or fighting the urge. I explain why urges to reconnect are often the result of habit, emotional conditioning, and the brain's desire for familiar rewards, rather than proof that you should restart the relationship. I also walk you through why it's essential to make a clear decision about whether you actually want the relationship to end before trying to cut off contact. You'll learn how to contact your affair partner less impulsively by becoming more aware of the physical sensations that accompany urges, rather than immediately reacting to them. This episode will help you understand how to allow difficult emotions without acting on them, why urges lose power when you stop resisting them, and how practicing this skill can give you more freedom, self-trust, and clarity in your decisions. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/234 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

What if having better sex has less to do with what you do in bed and more to do with how you show up with your partner every day? If your sex life has been unsatisfying or nonexistent for a while, it's easy to assume the solution is something dramatic. But what if the real work starts somewhere much simpler? If you want better sex, this episode will help you understand why presence and focus are essential, even when they take effort. You'll learn how to break out of patterns of distraction and disinterest, how to take responsibility for your role in the relationship dynamic, and how to begin creating the conditions where better sex can actually become possible. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/232 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

When your infidelity situation starts to take over everything, it can feel like it's the only thing that matters, the only thing worth thinking about, and the only thing that will determine whether you're okay. But what if the problem isn't just the situation itself, but how much space it's taking up in your life? If you've been feeling consumed, stuck, or like your life is on hold, this episode will help you widen your lens and start making choices from a more grounded and intentional place. Join me this week as I explore what happens when you become fixated on your infidelity situation and how that fixation can quietly shrink your world and distort your perspective. You'll learn why staying stuck in that mental loop often leads to more confusion and suffering, and why stepping back to look at your whole life can be one of the most powerful things you can do. I also introduce a simple but meaningful way to reconnect with yourself by asking what it's important for you to be, do, and have right now, rather than getting lost in the past or trying to predict the future. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/230 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Is it possible to deeply love your partner and still want to have sex or romantic experiences with someone else? If you're in a committed relationship that was supposed to be monogamous, and you find yourself wanting more than that, you may feel confused, ashamed, or worried about what that says about you. You may wonder if something is wrong with you, your partner, or your relationship. In this episode, we'll explore the reality that desire for more than one person is not inherently a problem and does not automatically mean your relationship is broken. Tune in this week as I unpack how our ideas about monogamy are shaped by social and historical forces, why wanting something outside the bounds of monogamy doesn't make you defective, and why your first priority is figuring out what you actually want. You'll also learn how to examine the reasons behind wanting to cheat or open your relationship, and how to think more consciously about the consequences you're willing to tolerate. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/228 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Have you ever been paralyzed by the fear of making a "bad decision" about your infidelity situation? Maybe you're terrified that you'll leave a good-enough marriage to pursue your affair partner, only to have that relationship fall apart. Or perhaps you're scared that any choice you make will doom you to eternal misery. Here's what I want you to know: You are never doomed by any single decision you make. In fact, I have real-time proof of this truth, and I'm sharing it with you on this episode. Tune in this week to hear why you're never doomed by any single decision or set of decisions you make, and how making decisions for clear reasons you like prevents regret, even when the outcomes might surprise you. If you're stuck in analysis paralysis about your infidelity situation, this episode will help you understand that bold decisions aren't irreversible sentences. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/226 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Do you want to be lying on your deathbed saying, "Oh yeah, I'm really glad I didn't take that risk"?Or would you rather say, "Thank God I went all in on my desires"? I'm asking because I just made a massive life change - I moved to Costa Rica two weeks ago. And let me tell you, it's been HARD. We've dealt with so many hurdles that within days, my spouse was ready to reevaluate. Within hours, I was asking myself "What have we done?!" But here's what I know after coaching hundreds of people through infidelity situations: The bigger your dreams are, the more likely you'll have to go all-in to get what you want. And going all-in? It's uncomfortable. It's not instantly rewarding. But if we hadn't done it, we'd still be sitting on our couch in San Francisco, wondering when the adventure would begin. Whether you're considering leaving your marriage, coming clean about an affair, or making any other big life change, this episode will help you understand what it really takes to go all-in on your desires. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/224 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

The fear of dating again after a long period of not dating is definitely a factor that keeps some people from thinking clearly about what they want to do about their infidelity situation. In this episode, I'm addressing the terror and dislike many people have about contending with the world of dating, especially when they've been in committed relationships for years and find themselves navigating infidelity. I work with clients who are convinced the stakes of their infidelity situation are very high because if both of their relationships didn't work out, they would end up being single and having to deal with the dating scene. This seems like a very dire scenario for a lot of people who haven't dated for a long time. The truth is, unaddressed fears can keep us stuck in all sorts of weird and undesirable ways, and the fear of dating again is one of those fears that can keep us stuck in our infidelity situation for longer than we would like to be. Tune in this week to hear my insights on dating for the first time in a long time. You'll learn how to get clear on what you want out of the experience of dating, why having vague intentions gets you vague results, and how this applies whether you're using dating apps, meeting people the old-fashioned way, or trying any other approach to connecting with new humans. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/222 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Going back and forth between two relationships can feel like being trapped in an endless ping-pong match. One moment you're certain about choosing your spouse, the next you're convinced your affair partner is the one. This exhausting cycle of changing your mind (sometimes within hours or even minutes) can leave you wondering if there's something fundamentally wrong with you. When you're caught between two people you genuinely care about, the act of choosing becomes surprisingly complex. I work with many clients who know they want to be in just one relationship, but they're struggling because they value both partners for very different reasons. They've done extensive comparisons, recognized they're choosing between two good options, and still can't seem to make a decision stick. Here's what most people don't understand: there's nothing wrong with you if you're struggling to choose. But you may need to completely shift how you're thinking about this decision. Tune in this week to learn why you're vacillating between two relationships, and how to break free from this pattern. You'll hear why your brain will probably throw a tantrum about having to make a decision, and the secret to making your chosen relationship thrive. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/220

You're already making plans for tomorrow without knowing if the internet will crash, your dog will have an emergency, or an earthquake will hit. You're creating your future every single day, despite life's fundamental uncertainty. Yet when it comes to your infidelity situation, you might be waiting for a crystal ball to show you exactly how things will turn out before making any moves. So many people tell me they need to know what divorce feels like before deciding to get divorced, or they need 90% certainty their decision will work out well. They're looking for guarantees that life simply doesn't offer. Meanwhile, these same people confidently plan vacations, have children, and make career moves without any promise of how things will unfold. Join me this week to learn the difference between actively creating your future versus trying to predict it. You'll hear how you're creating your future every single day through your choices, both big and small, and how you already possess the power to deliberately shape your future. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/218

Have you ever had someone walk out of your life without warning, only to reappear months later as if nothing happened? It's complicated enough when it happens in regular relationships. But when it involves an affair partner, the complexity multiplies tenfold. This kind of heartbreak hits differently when the relationship itself existed in secrecy, making the grief even more isolating. Join me this week as I tackle the heart-wrenching reality of what happens when an affair partner breaks your heart - and the even more complicated question of what to do if they come back. You'll learn how to stop waiting for someone else to change and start taking control of your own emotional well-being and future relationships. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/216

Have you ever been paralyzed by the fear of making the "wrong" decision about your relationship(s)? Maybe you're considering leaving your marriage, ending an affair, or making another significant change in your relationship status. And maybe the fear of regret is keeping you stuck. Making major relationship decisions can feel like standing at the edge of a cliff, knowing that once you jump, there's no going back. In this episode, I break down exactly what to do when you find yourself living with relationship decisions you don't like, and share practical steps for addressing your dissatisfaction without spiraling into panic. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/214

Have you ever felt stuck between two good choices? Through my personal story of leaving a life I loved to join the Peace Corps, I illustrate how choosing between two good things - while challenging - can lead to profound growth and fulfillment. If you're struggling with a decision that feels impossible because both options have value, this episode is for you. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/212