Anxiety to Confidence - The Personal Development Unplugged Podcast

What Your Unconscious Mind Is Trying To Tell You Ever had that strange "ooh… I don't like that" feeling when nothing obvious seems to be wrong? I've been getting it more often while exploring questions about my life, my direction and my North Star. At first, it's tempting to push an uncomfortable feeling away, but what if that feeling is actually unconscious communication? In this deeper dive, we explore how the unconscious mind communicates through feelings, intuition, memories and emotional signals, and how becoming curious about an uncomfortable feeling can reveal what's underneath it. Rather than fighting anxiety, uncertainty or emotional resistance, I'm exploring a different approach: pause, listen, get curious, discover what you need, then choose your next step. There's also a simple process you can use to explore an uncomfortable feeling, discover what it may be trying to tell you, and decide whether you need to act—or simply give things time to settle. This is another part of my own journey of personal development, finding direction, trusting yourself and creating a more meaningful life. I'm learning as I go, and sharing the bloody journey with you. Don't suppress the signal. Get curious about it. Please share this episode: https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/490-what-your-unconscious-mind-is-trying-to-tell-you If something in the episode stirs a question or challenge for you, email me at [email protected]. I read the emails personally. And if you're curious to see me recording this https://youtu.be/QqsuPtTs7OI Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected]. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by will |Marshall from will marshall. And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism #490 What Your unconscious Mind Is Trying To Tell You Welcome to this deeper dive. Hope you're well. Hope you're feeling good because I've got a a little question. This has been happening to me a little bit more often than late and I thought it'd be a good time to to share because I'm sure you'd experience this type of thing too. It's that, you know, that feeling. What feeling is that Cloughie? Oh, nothing's really happened happened. You know, you're not having a panic attack and you're not running all headless chicken type thing. Nothing's exploded. Nothing's gone. You know, it's just, oh, oh, I don't like that feeling. Oh, I don't know. It's just happened. It just comes along. See if you can resonate with this because this is where I tend to find I get these feelings come along out of the blue. It's, I find it when I'm writing my puzzle book, you know, asking a question. And as I write the question down, I get that feeling. I just get that feeling. Or maybe it's, I don't know, making a decision. I've got to make a decision about something. And while I'm thinking about it, it could be, I've known this to happen, that someone says something and it's not what they say, not the actual words as such, but it's maybe their tone. You know, the way they've said it. You even get a look, don't you? Well, do you? I do. If someone looks at me in a particular way and I go, oh, I get that funny feeling. And it's like that word has maybe triggered something. That look has triggered something. It's from the past. It's been anchored in the past. And ah, I don't like it. They're like secret triggers because you don't know what's happening or what it is, but you know what's happening. Let's get it right. You can even get it when you're driving past place or walking past. You're walking along and it's like your unconscious mind catches something in peripheral vision. I say that again, peripheral vision. And you go, oh, it's like something is associated to something. But consciously, you're not quite sure what it is because you don't notice it because you notice the feeling first. You know, you can be thinking about something, just minding your own business, remembering something, and you get a feeling. And this is where I've had it of late. And this is where it's all really come from is when you're considering a new direction and that feeling comes along and you don't know, is it something really bad? Or what is it? Because it's not, it's just an uncomfortable feeling. Have you had that? For me, it's normally just in the real pit of my stomach and it's just there. Yeah. So have you had something like that? One or all of them? And what do we normally do? When you notice that feeling, what do we do? We go, oh, please make it stop. I don't like it. I want to push it away. Remember I was saying, you know, you push it away, you push it down, trap it in a little box somewhere, hide it. It doesn't work that, does it? Because it tends to come back, doesn't it? Tends to come back a little bit and you go, oh, okay. Maybe a little bit stronger. What would happen? Think about it. If we had a different response, what different response could we have? I'll tell you. Let's just get bloody curious about the thing. Let's get interested in it. You see, it's not about this feeling not being right. And it's not about this feeling must be, it's wrong. It's just, but what if I thought this? Interesting. Interesting. Something's happened inside me. I wonder what I can learn from it. Wow. All of a sudden, as soon as you say that, what can I learn from it? It's as if that feeling changes a little bit too. It's a bit like, oh, they're listening to me. And you see the meaning that you're attaching to that feeling, that negative, you think it's negative and that's why you're pushing it away. But it may not be that. It may not be that at all. Because that's the meaning that you've consciously put on it. And it's an unconscious signal. Yeah. Do you want to play? Do you want to play with me? Come on. All you got to do is take a bit of time, take a bit of time out and play. It's not deep, but you're thinking about and remembering. So I want you to remember something. I want you to remember a time when you did have a feeling like that. Not a mega, mega, mega one. No. Ten was the worst. Zero. It doesn't exist. A four out of ten, even a three out of ten. Something that you can remember it by. It's rememberable, if that's a word. But it's not mega. Because I want you to, just for a moment, if it's okay, let's just be by ourselves. Because I want you to explore it. Let's get curious. Let's get that thing interesting. Oh, what can I learn from this? But before we go into that bit, let's just notice, noticing it. So where do you notice? Remember, bring that memory to mind now, where you felt it. Not what was going on, just the feeling. Recall that feeling. Where do you notice it? Not externally, internally. Where do you notice it? As I said about minds, normally they're just a pit in my stomach. And as you remember that, just remember it. If you could, and you can, put all your attention right there. That's it. All your attention right there. What do you know? And now we can just notice all sorts of things. Does it have a size? What size is it? If it did have a size, what size would it be? Because it's there. Is it tiny, tiny, tiny? Maybe it's a tennis ball shape, or size, I don't know. And the shape, is it round? Maybe when you think about it, and you really get into it, it's a bit more, it's not really round, it's more oval. Or maybe it's a bit more square. And when you really get into it, really get curious about it, does it move a little bit? Because sometimes you go, oh, it's actually just vibrating slightly. That's how I noticed it. Yeah. What about its temperature? Is it warm? Is it cold? Does it have a temperature? Curious, isn't it? And get even more curious now. Is there a pressure to it? Whatever that means, do you use it pushing, pulling? Is there a pressure? If you could know, and you could feel the edges of that, that feeling, would it have a texture? Does it have a texture? I've known feelings to have a slight direction. And when you really get into it, there's always an intensity, isn't there? Doesn't have to be mega, as I said, but there is, oh yeah, I can feel it now. I can feel it. It has been moving. It's even got a colour now. Oh yeah. And you see, you are now owning this as well, because you're describing it to yourself. And when you describe these things by putting your attention to it, you become sort of associated, dissociated, as you teach yourself with curiosity. You see, we're just simply acknowledging it. What happens when you simply, I love the word simply, simply allow yourself to notice it without needing to change it? Because we're not changing it. There are processes that do change these things, but we're not. We're simply acknowledging it. And that's a powerful thing. That's the powerful thing. Just acknowledging and noticing can make all the difference. It's you and your best friend getting together. So that curiosity is the key. And you're teaching yourself to listen with curiosity, to look with curiosity. No more resistance. No more pushing. No more trying to bury these things. We go, oh yeah, interesting. What can I learn? You see, because you're owning it, you're becoming one with it. And that's it. Just be with. Being with. And that's all I want you to do. Just notice. Just sit there. Notice the form. Notice the shape. Because there's even more to come now. You see, you could ask it a question. What are you trying to teach me? But we'll go into that shortly. Or maybe did that come up? Okay. So take a deep breath. Because I want to change it now. Change our direction of curiosity. You see, and you can do this in the future. When that feeling comes along, you can be observant. What am I reacting to right now? Oh, it is that voice. It is that look. It is this place. It is that question I've just asked in my puzzle book. Ah, but what's below the surface? You see, now from curiosity, we are diving into discovery. And when you get things like the questions in your puzzle book, you can even think, what might I need? What is this feeling giving me that I might need something, need something more before I make a decision? What is this question bringing out in me? You see, we've been looking at maybe a trigger, what am I reacting to? But now we're looking to a response. What might you need? And that makes it so much different. So much. And then when you've got that feeling, that sense that you know the answer, you can ask yourself, do I need to act on this information right now? And there's two answers to that question. Could be no. Sometimes I get that feeling, I got an idea where it's going, what I need to explore. But I've also had the feeling, no, let's just chill for a moment. Let's, well, let's let everything settle, settle in, settle down and let things integrate a little. And I found I've had answers then bubble up a little bit later. Or it could be yes, you're going to move. You know, the epiphany is already here, the aha moment. But if it's going to settle, maybe that epiphany, that aha comes with a little bit of clarity after. Because you're not just reacting, reacting, you are asking a question, do I need to act now? Do I need to explore this information a bit deeper? Let it go. And think about that to see what you think. You see, think about this. In the past, if you've come with me on my, my little adventure of discovery, we've talked about intuition, and we've also talked about intuition versus overthinking, haven't we? And to me, sometimes that intuition, overthinking comes, well not overthinking, but thinking comes together. And it's a little bit like, if I could hear that little voice inside, it's saying something like, hey, Cloughie, hey, go this way. Think about this. You forgot to think about this part. Just maybe take a different direction, because you slightly off direction, because there's just something you're getting from this, simply a bloody, it's a weird, uncomfortable feeling. You know, it's not about looking for them. We're not worshipping, looking for every different feeling. No, no, no. When it comes along, all I'm saying is, don't suppress it, don't push it down, but get curiously, curious, curiously investigated. Notice it, notice its qualities. Because when you notice the qualities, again, I think it helps you to ask those questions. And it helps you to get the answers from those questions. It's really strange. Just to share a little bit of personal things. And I love, this is the direction the podcast has gone a little bit, from my personal change work. I know we're all doing it when we're in this adventure of life, and you're in personal development, you want to make the best of the life you have here. That little bit of, can I improve just a little bit each day? You know, would the person I was, maybe a year ago, be proud of what I'm doing now? You can then think, well, here's my take on it. I've been doing a lot of asking questions. I've been asking a lot of questions. There's a better way to put it, Clovey. I've been asking things like, where the hell am I going? Things are changing in my life. So where am I going? Because sometimes we don't ask that question. We just get confused. We just move. We take random steps and actions, and then wonder what the bloody hell we've done. And when you do ask that question, you don't always get an answer. Oh, well, Clovey, here we go. What you've done is this, and what you should be doing is that. No. But by asking that question, you're getting to know the things that you know, but you don't know that you know. That's weird, isn't it? But we want to get inside and get our unconscious mind, our best friend, to start sharing that extra knowledge. Even asking, what the bloody hell do I want? I've been asking that over the last few months now. What do I really want? I've got all these things, but do I really want them? What is my value on this? Why is it important? Is it important? Is it just something I've thought about, that I thought was good to do? And when I think about that thing, I get that weird feeling. Then I go inside it. What's triggering this? What do I need to know? What's happening? And I get a sense of the right direction for me at this time. You know, if you go back either the last, longer, deeper dive, the one before that, who the bloody hell am I? Who do I think I am? You know, you get that question, and we've had this. Just that, I think this was the last one, probably. You know, what would happen? And what would somebody who's already done this before do now? Those type of things stir up this feeling. And the feeling is just saying, it's just another way of telling you, maybe. Don't look into it as gospel, but I just think more times than enough, it's your unconscious mind trying to communicate with you, but not in the way that you recognise. But now you're going to ask the question, what's happening inside me when I start moving in this new direction? Because sometimes it could be your unconscious mind saying, yeah, but just wait a moment. You see, what I found was, and this is a weird thing, when I asked questions like, what do I want? Where am I going? It didn't produce a massive excitement. In fact, these things, for me, it was, I got angry for a reason. And as I looked at that feeling, just below that anger, I experienced a feeling of sadness, and then grief. I know they're very close, but there's a difference. And as I felt those feelings, just as we've got here, I explored those feelings with curiosity. I got some understanding, understanding from what had happened to me in the past, some of my actions and reactions of the past, owning it, taking responsibility for things that I hadn't really taken responsibility for. And now I was able to move on. But it could feel like a resistance. You know, that anger, sadness and grief could have stopped me in my tracks. You know, I'm not asking this question anymore. I'm not going in the right direction. But no, I just sat there. Oh, I understand. I've got to acknowledge something from the past so I can learn from it, clear away. Because once you clear away the emotion, the negative emotion around events of the past, you get the learning from it. And when you've learned from the past, those feelings disappear anyway. So you might might think we call it resistance, such as grief, fear, uncertainty. I had a lot of that. So the old memories coming back, I don't know, you know, conflict of identities, who the bloody hell I used to think I was this. And now I don't know who I am. That makes a feeling in there. And sometimes it was just way Cloughie. Just stop for a second. Just stop for a second. All right, when I did stop, I let things and I know the word is not mature. But it was like, they just settled inside me. And I used to go to my back to my puzzle book, because things didn't solve themselves immediately. But because I was exploring with curiosity, I'd write them down, maybe write those questions down. And then over time, and it wasn't a long time, because I had the intention of changing. I had the intention of finding that direction. I just had to settle down and learn a little bit. You see, you could, you could do the same type of thing. Those questions in my mind tend to come quite naturally now, because I've been practicing for quite a few years now. But you could have a list. I used to have a little list of questions at the front of my my puzzle book that I could refer back to if I was lost in the feelings of things. And I was getting a little bit, I don't know what to do, I'd go to the front of my puzzle book, and look at my list of questions, go, that's a great question. One would jump out at me and go, that's a question. I'd write it down as I got that feeling, and then answers would come along. So what type of questions could you put down? Have a think. Because I don't want to say puzzle book, you know, you know, I'm talking about a book with blank pages. But it could be just a lot of sheets of paper, but they do tend to get lost. Could be a journal, could be one of those little field books, could be anything whatsoever that you write down so you get it out your brain, and you can come back to it at a later date. Even if it's in the afternoon, or in the following morning or evening, it just allows it to settle inside and then come back to you with a bit more clarity. So what might they be to get your unconscious mind working? Because you know, you have a question, your unconscious mind seems to go away and find the answers. Especially, I used to have a real problem one time, I used to ask questions and just think, my unconscious mind is going to come back with the answers. But I was bloody lazy. My unconscious mind thought, I think anyway, this is what I think it thought, was, well, if you can't be bothered to set your intention, Cloughie, and really, you know, you have to do a little thinking yourself, have to get curious, have to come with me, then I'm not going to answer the question. But once you set your intention, I really want to know, I'm curious, as if your unconscious mind goes, in that case, come back in a little while, and we'll find out. So what type of questions could you write down, ready to play, to get curious? You know, we had those questions from the beginning, right? You know, what was happening at the time? What just happened? What was that feeling? Can you describe it? Put your attention? Maybe what was I thinking just immediately before? Because sometimes, you notice the feeling, and you've forgotten what just happened. So, you know, what triggered? What was going on? What triggered that feeling? Because sometimes you go, oh, and as you get into that trigger, you go, I remember that thing of the past. And it's like your unconscious mind is saying, just don't do the same thing again. Let's learn from it. Lovely question could be, you know, what are you protecting me from? What is it you're protecting me from? What are you trying, how are you trying to keep me safe? Because sometimes your unconscious mind tries to keep you safe by giving you negative feelings. But if you go, well, maybe there's a better way, a better way to keep me safe. Maybe I could be aware, just noticing things, calm. Maybe you could just ask, you know, what do I need right now? That's a great one. Because sometimes it's, you think, oh, what do I need? I need more information. No, sometimes you just need to step back. Sometimes you need to take a breath. Sometimes you need to just go and ask somebody. I've had that before. What do I need? Well, that question, who's done this before? What would they do? And you think, oh, I know who to ask. I've even done it before in our head. Think of that person, ask them that question in your mind and notice what they tell you. All the stuff we've been doing here, you know, going into hypnosis, maybe we've got 65 free hypnosis tracks for you at paulclough.com forward slash podcast. Go there, get a little email from me, click on the link and you've got your access to all of that. And they're all downloadable. It's great, great resource. So just take a little bit of time, allow your unconscious mind to do its work for you, work for you, with you. Yeah. And you see, we're not forcing an answer. We're working with, and that's what it's all about, isn't it? Working with our unconscious mind, with our thoughts, looking for new directions, maybe looking for new ways to just enjoy life. Maybe we have a project and you get that funny feeling. Okay, what do I need to do? Maybe do I need to stop? Where is this taking me? Is this in the right direction? All these things are some great questions. You can just play around with them. And you see, it's all about not asking for this feeling to go away. It's just there for a reason. And when you get curious, curious about these things, and you learn a little bit from it, guess what happens? It bloody disappears anyway, because you've got the learnings. It's done what it's meant to do. It's given you that little insight. You just got it. It's just the way it communicates. It's not the way that we would communicate ourselves. You see, I don't know. Let's just think of everything that we're doing now. The direction we're looking for. For me anyway, it's like looking for a new direction. But it's going to come along. There's new ways. I can remember now when I go back to when I always had little new direction changes. As new opportunities came, they were a direction change. But it's like taking me back online. And we go back to that thing and you get that feeling. Maybe it's just time to pause, listen, but listen with all your senses. What's that mean? Going inside sometimes. Look, the senses are sight, smell, taste. What words are you hearing? Auditory. And those feelings. So just listen. Listen to the message you're getting in, because it comes in all different modalities. Maybe it's a memory as well. And then explore what you get. And when you've got what you feel is right, then you can decide to move on, move in a direction, stay still, do what, because it's your choice. And the one thing about this is when you do it this way, you can, well you can choose wisely, because it's your choice. Whereas before you'd have just reacted. Now you're choosing the right path. Not the one over there, but the right. You're making the right steps. Sometimes just pausing is the best thing you can ever do. And then what I'd love you to do as you do this, fucking celebrate. We never celebrate enough. You know, being alive should be a celebration. How lucky am I to be alive right now, to have this opportunity to make a choice. That's what I'm thinking. You see, if you get stuck, just remember, you don't know that you know, but you just don't know that you know. And as you take this time to pause, to listen, to explore, to decide, everything will become clear. Because your unconscious mind is trying to tell you, it's just doing it in a weird way. And it's great to be weird. Be as weird as you can, unique as you can, and live the life that you were destined to live. And sometimes we just go off, go off kilter, go off direction a little bit. And as we listen and choose wisely, we get to have that wonderful life. Enjoy my friend. If there's anything that you need, anything that has stirred up a little bit maybe, and you need a bit of help with that listening, send me an email, feedback at personaldevelopmentunplugged.com and I'll answer it personally. And also, I'm sure it would be part of a new episode. Because other people I know will have that similar feeling. So be brave. Ask the question of you and of me. And always, always two things. Subscribe and follow so you get every new episode. Don't miss out on one. And share. If you share this, it just helps in numerous ways. Obviously, by sharing more people listening, it makes this podcast more popular. And when it becomes more popular, the old algorithms then start pushing it out to other people too. And then that gets more popular. And more people get to, they get to listen for a change. They sit down for a change. Change is always possible. And the thing is, when you do that, it's like paying it forward. I heard a lovely thing about when, if you think about, as you give things out, the ripples go out. And you never know how far and wide those ripples go, but they do. But when they hit, they come back. Think about it. It actually happens. Those ripples go out, they maybe hit somebody, and then they come back to you. And they come back to you in a better way. A wonderful way. And that's the thing. You know, doing things selfless service for no want of reward, but you do get it. You do get rewards. But what shape or form they come, only you will know. Have fun. Go have a wonderful life. And have more fun than you can stand. Enjoy every, I'll see you later. Transcribed by TurboScribe. Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]

You know what you want. You probably know what you need to do. You may even have the knowledge, experience and tools to make it happen. So why aren't you doing it? That was the question that stopped me in my tracks. In this deeper dive, I explore a surprisingly useful way of getting unstuck: What would someone who has already achieved what I'm trying to achieve do? It's not about comparing yourself with someone who is supposedly "better" than you. It's about modelling success—discovering the behaviours, beliefs, decisions, habits and ways of thinking that already work, then making them your own. We look at some of the things that can quietly stop us taking action: limiting beliefs, fear of failure, perfectionism, anxiety, self-doubt, identity and that nagging internal voice telling us we shouldn't, couldn't or aren't good enough. And then we turn the question into a practical process you can use with your own goals, projects and dreams. You don't have to become somebody else. You can borrow their eyes, discover what works, and turn it into your way of doing things. Because perhaps you know more than you think you know. And perhaps you don't need the whole path. You just need to discover the next step. In this episode Why knowing what to do doesn't always lead to taking action The question that stopped me in my tracks How to use modelling to achieve your goals The difference between copying someone and learning from them How limiting beliefs and fear of failure can keep you stuck What your internal dialogue might be telling you A practical process for discovering what you're not doing How to identify what successful people consider "obvious" Turning someone else's successful patterns into your own Why you don't need the whole path—just the next step The question to take away What would someone who has already achieved the thing I'm trying to achieve do? Then take it one step further: What are they doing that I'm not doing? And finally: If I knew what they knew, what would I do next? Not tomorrow. Not someday. Next. And probably add in a share or two of this episode https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/489-what-would-someone-whos-already-done-it-do See me recording this here https://youtu.be/mbKbM2Cu4Rw Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected]. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by will |Marshall from will marshall. And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism . Personal development unplugged. Hey my friend, if you listen to the FMQ, the question that stopped me in my tracks, this is a deeper dive going into that question. And it's not about how you achieve your goals or anything like that, not at all. Something even deeper, more subtle than that and I think it will get you on the path you need to be. Because that's what it's all about, isn't it? Finding our path and treading it gently, making our life richer. That's what I think. So I think this is, and that new question, is a bit of the missing puzzle or a piece of the missing. Or missing, that's a better way to put it Cloughie, the missing piece of a puzzle. If you already know what you want and you already know a lot about how to get it, then the question might be, this is a different question, why aren't you doing what you know? Why haven't you got it yet? That's interesting, isn't it? Why aren't you just doing it? Because you know what you want and you've got some good knowledge, haven't you? Because I want to move from knowing and I want to move that through just, I don't know, maybe something like, what would I do differently if I knew how? Because that would make a difference, wouldn't it? In fact, you could even change that to an even richer question. Something we can really dive into, which is, what's stopping me doing that now? So it's not, what would I do differently if I knew how? But what's stopping me doing that right now? You see, if you remember from that five minute quickie, I was listening to the Chris Williams podcast, Modern Wisdom. And he said something, because he loves his quotes, doesn't he? He loves his little memes because they're so good, they're condensed. They make you remember things. And this one really stuck me. It like, I was walking and I just stopped, literally stopped in my tracks. And I started searching, searching for an answer. Because it was that, I thought it was just that powerful. It's so simple, so easy. It just went inside and I did my little search in all the different areas of my brain. Because I knew this stuff. I don't think I ever told you that question, did I? A question that actually froze me, dropped me in the tracks. I'm going to give it to you now and then we'll go right into it. And the question was, well, I'll tell you in a minute. You see, I know that you've been searching. I know that you know your stuff. I know that you've got experience. It was all the things that were going through my head, telling myself. I know my stuff, I've got experience. I've actually got tools. We've got tools here, haven't we? We've got hypnosis tracks, NLP tracks. We've got over a thousand episodes here. Got the tools. And for me, I was thinking, I even teach or I've taught this stuff. I've shared it. And in my particular bit, I was thinking, yeah, so why aren't I doing it? Does that relate to you? Because you've got the, you know the stuff. You've got the experience. You know your tools. You've got them. You can come and get them here. Why aren't you doing what you want to do? Here's a question. What would someone better than you do in relation to that thing you're not doing? What would someone better than you do? That fucking hurt. That did. That really did. Ouch. I thought, yeah, that gave me all those thoughts. What would somebody else do better than you? And I thought to myself when I got back, I don't think that's the right question. And I wanted to challenge it. Something in my head kept saying, I think there's a better way to ask this question. And if you ask it in a better way, I think you get better results. But certainly that made me jolt. It gave me that. But when you think of the word better, does that mean more successful? Does it mean more experience? Does it mean more confident? Yeah. More knowledgeable? Maybe even more courageous? Who knows? And I thought, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's when I think of something better than me, sometimes I get that brought me down a little. But then I thought, let's simplify this. Into, and I love the word simply. You know that we've talked about when you put the word simply in front of things. It just makes it so easy to slip inside. So I came up with this thing. It's simply somebody who has already achieved the thing that you're trying to achieve. That's it. What would somebody who has already achieved the thing you're trying to achieve do? Wow. And that just made it so much better. Because if I want to become a better podcast, I want to be a better artist. I want to be a better me. I want to be better at finding my North Star, all that stuff. I don't need someone who's better than me as a human being. There's a lot of them around, but I don't need that to inspire me. I need to ask, what does someone who is already brilliant at this, this thing, what do they do that I don't? And now you see we've really hit the thing here. Going back to even NLP, your own linguistic program. It's all about modeling. You model somebody without any ego, no baggage, no envy. A little bit of envy in the way I want to learn what you do. But that's the only bit. You see, NLP was based on modeling how great performers got to be so great. Modeling, modeling them and then taking on their steps. Maybe sometimes modifying it to become us. So let's look a little deeper. And I think we can. I want to ask you a question. And this is what might come up from this. When you think about that question, somebody who has already achieved the thing you're trying to achieve. What are you not doing? Think of that now. Maybe, maybe if you've got your little puzzle book out, you could write that question down and let the answer, or certainly let it flow after the answer. So what are you doing? What are you not doing? So it's not what you don't know. It's what you aren't doing. And that's a massive difference. Because you know, I know that you know. You just don't know that you know. You see, we should all over ourselves, don't we? You know, you might know what you should do. You should make that telly. You should publish that thing. You should practice more. You should ask for help. You should have that difficult conversation, maybe. You should stop doing that something. And you should start doing that. Maybe you should spend an hour on that important project rather than three hours faffing around with the insignificant stuff. The urgent stuff. Not the importance. No, I should have. I could have. I wish I'd. No. You see, you know. You know, but you don't know. You don't know that you know. And this is where we're going. Because you do know. Now you see, there's stuff that affects us sometimes. And this is where we go to. In our identity, the things that stop us is things like, I'm not the person who does this type of stuff. That's just not me. And maybe we've got that little fear. The fear that I'm going to fail. And we know that hurts. Failure can hurt. And therefore I want to be perfect and I can't be perfect. And when I fail at that. You know, maybe on that identity thing linked with that belief. I'm a perfectionist. Therefore, I've got to be perfect. And that's bollocks. Sorry. And you've got those beliefs. I mean, the belief is I'm a perfectionist. But, you know, I'm not good enough. I don't deserve this. And they're all limiting, aren't they? Maybe in our value, the why, we just don't understand our why yet. And that's the thing. Yet. Because we don't. This is all where we get these should as I would have wished I didn't. All that stuff. Maybe we have that internal dialogue. That bloody voice that keeps telling us, Ooh, I wouldn't do that. You know, it criticizes. Little thing on your shoulder. Beep, beep, beep. Disrupts you. Distracts you. Let's do this instead. That's hard. Let's go and have some instant pleasure. Get that dopamine thing. Or maybe when you think of your emotions. Maybe we get that little bit of anxiety. That fear that puts us in that stuck state. We freeze. Maybe we hide. And then right, maybe below all of this is in your unconscious mind. Doing its best for you with a wonderful positive intention to keep you safe. But everything I've just talked about bloody hurts, isn't it? So there's got to be a better way to keep you safe. Because this is not a safe feeling, is it? And if it's not a safe feeling, I believe your unconscious mind will find a better way. If we guide it. And we need to guide it. So can you understand now, if we start looking at someone who's already brilliant at the stuff that you want to do. That you're not currently doing. That's the place to look, isn't it? That's the place. So everything I've just talked about is, in some ways, apart from that wonderful safety that your unconscious mind is doing. They're all the effects of trying to keep you safe. But in an inappropriate way. And therefore you could say they're all balls. Because we're going to change it. We're going to get safer. So I want you to experience something with me. I do. I want you to experience something with me. And if you could, I'd like you to close your eyes. Because it just takes away the distractions. You know that. And I'd like you to think of one goal. Something you're working on, mate. But you're not quite there. Choose that goal. Choose that project that you're just a little bit stuck on. Maybe you've... Those things I said. Those are called balls. Maybe they resonated with you on that particular thing. So if you would, maybe just close your eyes. It's not hypnosis. It's just blotting out anything that can distract you. Because we have enough of them. And choose that one goal. And as you think of that goal, I want you to imagine someone who's already achieved it. It could be in real life. Ideally in real life. Someone who's doing the thing that you want to do. If that doesn't come up quickly, we can use our imagination. And you just imagine somebody who's already achieved it. Works both ways. And I don't want you to think of Superman. No. Not some fancy billionaire. Because there's, you know, the show reels and the real stuff. I want you to imagine a real person. A real person. Or imagine a version of someone who has all the qualities required to do this. The thing that you want to do. Now, answers will come. They may come intuitively. They may be from your imagination. Because that's good too. You know, using your intuition. Because it comes from the same bloody place, doesn't it? It comes from inside. And ideally you have that puzzle book. Because I want you to write that sucker down, as Hogan says. So let's explore it. You brought this person to mind. How do they see the situation? How do they see it? How do they see the situation of being this achiever? Intuitively understand now. What do they notice that you don't notice? Here's a good one. What do they believe that is possible? Wow. What do they believe that is possible? What would they do first? First or next, depending on the situation. What would they do? The very next, first thing. And when you look at this person in your imagination, or this person you see. What do they waste time doing? Intuitively you'll know. What don't they waste time doing? How do they talk to themselves? Is it in a whingey whiney voice? What's the quality of the type of words they use? Here's a good one. What would they consider obvious that you currently consider difficult? Oh, that's a golden nugget if ever I heard one. See, now we're moving. Coming away from the problem. And we're modelling the desired state. The desired answer that you want. And put it all together now. Put it all together. If you knew what they knew, what would you do next? What would you do next? Not tomorrow. Oh, no. Not tomorrow. Not bloody someday. Next. Right now. What would you do? Yeah. You see, you might say this. And this is something I thought about. You say, hang on a minute. Hang on a minute, Cloughie. If I'm always asking what somebody else would do, am I just creating another version of either them or the old me who needs someone to tell them how to live, how to do everything? And the answer is absolutely bloody no. No way. You see, we learn from somebody else. We learn. We have teachers. And this is a teacher. Teachers come along in many different guises. Some in your head and your imagination. By asking these times. We learn from somebody else and become more completely ourselves. Because when you think about it, there's only one bloody you. The awesome you. The unique you. And this is where I started right at the very beginning. Well, sort of nearly the beginning. You don't know what you know. And you don't know that you know what you know. Because you don't know. But now you're starting to know it. We're pulling it out. This is you. We're learning. We're modelling. And then we're moulding it into us to get what we want. How we want. You've probably opened your eyes by now. Well, I'd like you to close them again. If it's okay. Again, this is not hypnosis. But you will be going inside if that's okay. So just take a moment. Make sure you're going to be undisturbed. You might need that puzzle book for after just to write things down. As you know, we're going to write these. Some things come up. But I want you to consider some questions again. So, if it's okay, close your eyes. Make sure you're going to be undisturbed. And it's safe to do so. Close your eyes. Let's just think about this issue. Or this thing. Not an issue. It's a thing that you're trying to do. One to achieve. It could be anything. I did it for my North Star. I found my new direction in life. Because I had different things I wanted to do now. I'm moving towards them. It's a direction. But here we are. I want you to ask yourself right now. You, in this moment. About this thing. Just ask yourself. What am I doing? And just notice all the different types of answers that make them. What am I doing? What am I avoiding? That's an interesting one, isn't it? What am I avoiding? It might be the one thing. That one step. That makes all the difference. What am I telling myself? What are the words? What are the things I'm saying? What am I understanding from my internal voice? My internal chatter? What am I telling myself? Because you're doing it, aren't you? Let that sink in. Just let it sink in. If you need to open your eyes and write some answers down. That's fine. What am I doing? What am I avoiding? And what am I telling myself? You can always come back. But it might be nice just to take a note of them. And what the answers may be. You can go deeper in this. All by yourself. Now. If you've opened your eyes. Close your eyes again. And I want you to think of. If you were in the position. Actually in that person. Someone who has already succeeded. Achieved doing the things. Put yourself in their position. Looking through their eyes. The eyes of someone who is already succeeding. What you're doing. What do they see? How do they see the future? Of this thing you're doing. The next step. Opportunities. What do they see as opportunity? Maybe they see things as a wonderful problem to solve. A wonderful experience. I don't know. What do they see? What do they do? How do they do it? What would they do? And if you could hear their voice. What would they tell you? To stop. What would they tell you? You know the truth. Now. I want you to. In your imagination. Morph these two people together. The real you. And this imagined person. Who has succeeded. Been successful in everything. That you want to be successful in. Just let yourself come together. Through all these questions we've been asking. You can allow. The wonderful skills. Be part of you. The behaviours. The emotions. The beliefs. The values. You've got them all. You've got them all. No one else. Not somebody else. They're in you now. And that's the important thing to remember now. Because you don't know. That you don't know. But now you do. And with all of this. What would happen if you were to float out. Into the future. I don't know. Maybe six months. Maybe a year. Whatever feels. Comfortable. Appropriate. To you. And you've integrated all these behaviours. These skills. These emotions. The thought patterns. The beliefs. They're all integrated in you. You've got them. You've been using them. Over this period of time. And if you were to be here. In the future. And you look back. Back at yourself. Back in the now. Today. What would you tell yourself to do? What would you tell. That you. Back then. In the now. Right here. Now. From the future. What would you tell yourself. To do now? So we're not imitating anybody. Are we? We are ourselves. And we're extracting. All the patterns. From successful people. And making them. Ours. Making them yours. Yeah. So here's the thing. You can open your eyes. Open your eyes. Just. Yeah. I think this is probably the last time. Not the last time you'll open your eyes. But the last time in this episode. That you'll close them. That's what I'm trying to say. You see. We've been doing all this modelling. We've been doing this integration. Awesome, don't you? But it reminds me of one little thing. I talked of in the FMQ. Superman. Spiderman. The Hulk. And then I sort of explored. That ordinary person. Underneath the superhero. Inside the costume. As it were. Clark Kent. Peter Parker. Bruce Banner. We know them. But you see. That superhero. Wasn't created by changing. Into some. Somebody completely different. We've talked about that. It was always. Always there. Always there. Inside. The capability was just hidden. Maybe it was undeveloped. Maybe it was constrained. Maybe not even yet trusted. Because you have to trust yourself. Don't you? You see. You. Me. Especially you. Everyone. Is a superhero. In. Hiding. There are no extraordinary people. Everybody you think. As an extraordinary person. Is just an ordinary person. Doing extraordinary things. And that's you. You've got all that capability. You can do whatever you choose. Now. We know how to trust ourselves. And. Yeah. This is real. This is real. And. If you remember from previous podcasts. You know. I say. I'm still finding my way. And my way. Changes. As I change. And when you. Think in that way. Sometimes finding your way. Really means. Temporary. Borrowing. Somebody else's eyes. Looking through the eyes. Of someone who's already done. Successfully. What you wanted. You see. You don't have to have the whole path. You really don't. You just have to have. The next step. It's like. If you're driving at night. You've got your headlights out there. You can only see. So long. That's like the next step. But you know. You're going to get there. You know. You've got a direction. You've got an idea. Where you want to end up. But maybe there's new opportunities on the way. It's like walking through fog. You know where you're going. But you just can't quite. You can't see it. You know it's there. But we just take. Every time you take one more step. Towards that. End. That desire. The place you want to be. The thing you want to achieve. The fog just opens up. A little bit more. As you get there. Hey. How many metaphors. Can we think of? So. I want you to take this from. I don't know what to do. You see. I hope you're going to think. I probably know. More than I think. And all you have to think of. This is like the summary. Of it all. You just ask yourself. When you've got this issue going on. Or you want to make progress. Or you want to just think. Where am I stuck? So what would somebody. Who's already done this. And what are they doing that I'm. What am I doing? Oh. Maybe this. There's an emotion there. That's trying to protect me here. Maybe I can. Work with that. Yeah. That's different isn't it? Work with it. Not push it away. And. You don't have to become. That person. The person who's already done that. I can just take. What works. And make it mine. Own it. What would. The future me do? What would they say? And once you get that. You just go and fuck it. That's what you do. Now I'll be talking. A little bit more about this. And sometimes. You know. Even when we've got all this. Sometimes it does bring up emotions. That we need to. To. As we said. You know. Work with. You know. Maybe it's somebody trying to protect me. And I have to work with that. And that's where I want to go. On a couple of episodes. But. I keep sharing what I learn. Now. If this has stirred anything up in you. Any question. Or maybe there's emotion. You go. Oh. I'd like a little bit more help with. All you've got to do is email me. Feedback at personaldevelopmentunplugged.com I'm the only bugger here. Only person in this. Who receives that email. So you'll get a personal. We'll be able to build. Episodes around it. You know. No names. You don't know where. These episodes have come. They come from questions. They've come from me. They come from. Different experiences. What we've all learned. So do that. Let me know. Keep subscribing. Keep following. And all that stuff. Put the notifications on. So you don't miss. One episode. They won't all hit. Hit. The button. I know. But there'll be something there for you. There'll be a. A golden nugget. Can work. And then share the hell out. Just as I'm sharing the hell out. Of everything I know. Everything I experience. I'm trying to. Pull it out here. This is Cloughie. This is me. This is what I've done. Not what I've done in. The Ego Star. But this is what. Maybe we can. And I'd love the same from you. And I'd love to hear some. Celebrations too. But hey. Whatever you. Whatever floats your boat. That'll be good for me. So. Until the next time my friend. And we start. Sowing the seeds. And the longer deeper. Have more fun than you can stand. And maybe. You the unconscious mind. Can surprise them. By feeling happy. For no reason. Time to fly my friend. See you later. Warning. You are now leaving. The unplugged mind. Of Paul Clough. It's time to fly now. Be brave my friend. Personal Development Unplugged. Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]

You're Not Who You Think You Are Who the f*ck am I? That was the question that dropped into my head while I was sitting with my puzzle book. And what started as a bit of quiet thinking took me somewhere I didn't expect. We often confuse who we are with what we do. I'm a therapist. I'm a parent. I'm a partner. I'm successful. I'm anxious. I'm confident. But those are roles, behaviours and experiences. They aren't necessarily our identity. So who are we underneath all of that? I started thinking about Superman, Spider-Man, Batman and Wonder Woman. They all have different identities, different roles and different ways of showing up in the world, but underneath the costume there's something deeper: values, purpose, a calling and a direction. And perhaps that's true for us too. In this episode, I explore identity, self-discovery, personal growth, purpose and finding your North Star, along with a simple process for meeting the different versions of yourself and asking one rather interesting question: Which one is pretending to be you? I also share how my puzzle book has become a surprisingly powerful tool for thinking, asking better questions, exploring the unconscious mind and finding my way through change. This isn't me teaching you who you are. It's me sharing what I'm discovering about myself and inviting you to explore alongside me. Because maybe we're not here to find ourselves once and for all. Maybe we're here to keep discovering who we're becoming. Enjoy every heartbeat. What You'll Explore Why we can confuse our roles and behaviours with our identity The difference between what you do and who you are How self-discovery can reveal parts of ourselves we've overlooked Why values and purpose may matter more than rigid goals Finding your calling and personal direction My North Star approach to personal development A simple process for exploring the different versions of yourself How a puzzle book can help uncover thoughts, ideas and unconscious insights Why leaving a question unfinished can sometimes be surprisingly useful How to use curiosity and reflection for personal growth A Question For You Which version of you is pretending to be you? And perhaps the more interesting question: Who's noticing them all? Don't forget to share or should I say REMEMBER to share this episode https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/488-youre-not-who-you-think-you-are And if you want to me recording this episode https://youtu.be/B1Ci7953cME Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected]. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by will |Marshall from will marshall. And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism So, welcome to this longer podcast with me, Paul. You're not who you think you are. Sometimes the roles we mistake for ourselves. You see, the other night I had a conversation with my puzzle book. Yeah, I speak to my puzzle. My puzzle book speaks to me. And I sat there. Sometimes you sit there and you just have to wait for something to arrive and then completely out of nowhere, the question just appeared. And it was, who the fuck am I? Simple as that. Who the fuck am I? You see, it wasn't in a desperate way. It was a genuine question of me asking myself. Because sometimes, as we say, the roles we have or we think we have are a mistake. A mistake of how we recognize. A long, not a long time ago, a little while ago on an FMQ and a longer podcast, I talked about behavior, the behaviors and the roles that we think we have. You see, sometimes, I mean, I used to say, I was a therapist. I'm a therapist. I am a therapist. I'm a hypnotist. I'm a parent. I'm a dad. And I'm none of those. What do you call yourself? Who do you think you are? Who do you identify? Because none of those are what you are, who you are. They're just the roles that you play. And you see, it's just what you're doing. It's not your identity. You're not your roles. I want to think about something. You see, what came to mind while this bloody question got into my head was, what does Superman, Spider-Man, Batman, and even throw Wonder Woman in there, all have, all have in common? What do they have? Take a moment. That's what puzzle books do for you. They get you to think weird things. And what do they have? They have two identities, don't they? One that the world sees, yeah? Everyone sees them from the outside. But there's another one. The one that they know private. And that's what the puzzle book does for me. Get inside. But there's a twist, you see. Neither are actually who they are. Clark Kent isn't bloody Superman. Superman isn't really Superman either. Both are just expressions, aren't they? Peter Parker is Spider-Man, isn't he? Peter Parker. Bruce Banner is not the Hulk. And the Hulk is. They're all trying to, I don't know, reconcile the parts of themselves. And there was this mixture going on in my head. And then I thought, this isn't about superheroes, even though I've written notes about them. It's about integration. You see, I had another thought. Doesn't every superhero have a calling? They're not a goal, are they? It's not the goal. They have a calling. You see, Spider-Man never says, my goal is. Have you ever heard him say that in the movies? No, of course you have. Because he lives by value. You see, they're value and they have a great. Superman lives by service. Batman, by justice. And a thought came up to me, and I've talked about my North Star. We've all have a North Star, a direction. You see, my North Star, I started to think of goals, identity, direction, purpose. And it was as if I began to think about they're all joining together to become one being, one thing. Bloody me, Cluffy. Yeah, that was surprising. All coming through this, this puzzle book, sitting down quietly, being suddenly jolted. Who the fuck am I? Why don't you do something with me? If it's okay, by the way, I'd like you to close your eyes. Because I want to do a little process. Because even though we're doing conversations, I'm always going to include a process or two. So if it's safe to do so, you can close your eyes. Maybe be undisturbed just for a little while. I want you to do some imagining. It'll be great. So find a place where you'll be undisturbed if you can. Close your eyes. Take a moment or two. Give yourself permission to explore. Be curious. Yeah. And if not, bookmark this place. But if it's okay, take a nice in-breath. Allow your eyes to close as you breathe out. Because I want you to use your imagining. See, I want you to imagine meeting all the different of yourself. So imagine now in front of you, the working, the career, what you've trained to see yourself, the work. Maybe you're a parent. So see that version of you now, the parent. Or if you've been like a parent to sometimes take that role, don't we? So see that version of you, the work partner. Meet that you, the notice what you know. And I guess we've all helped people in some way by talking, having a conversation, guiding, effectively being a coach. So see that version of you, the helper, the assistant. And then we've all been frightened at one time or another in our life, haven't we? What about that frightened version? It doesn't have to be the big scary fright. Maybe we're a lank. We've been anxious about something. We've been worried. See that version of you. See them walking, thinking, talking, notice everything about them. But then there's a reverse of that, isn't there? There's that confident version of you. Confident because you're competent. You have skills and you carry out those skills so wonderfully well because you've learned them over time. So see that confident version of yourself now. And from that confident version, maybe there's that successful version of you where you've just succeeded. Maybe there was a few obstacles in the way, but you got over them. You were so successful. It doesn't have to be the biggest success in the world. There are big ones and there's little successes all throughout. See that version of you, the version of you that's just successful. And then again, there's always a reverse of that. What about the version of you that's, let's say, failed just for the sake of it? You failed at doing something. That could be a failure for not starting something, not finishing something, maybe not thinking. But see that version of you. There's loads of them, isn't there? You could probably find even more. The lover, the person who stands up for what's right. Maybe there's that silly version. They're all versions. You can see them now all around you. Maybe there's a stage in front of you where every version stands. And as they all stand together on that stage, I want you to ask one question, just one, and notice what bubbles up. Here's a question. Which one is pretending to be you? Or you can say it in your own voice. Which one pretending to be me? And then ask this question. Who's noticing them all? Yeah, you see, the observer has never changed. You see, going back to Superman, he wasn't Superman because Spider-Man. He wasn't Spider-Man because he could climb bloody walls. They became superheroes because they chose how to live. And I want you just to let this mull in your head now. Maybe the real superhero is the one underneath the role you've been playing. Yeah, beneath the surface, you have a real superhero with all those wonderful skills, behaviours and things you do coalescing into one super you. And then when you think about that, being your very own superhero, remember, every superhero has a calling, not a goal, a calling, a direction, a mission. I wonder what yours is? What do you think? What's your calling? How'd you find out about calling? That's the thing. You see, oh, you can open your eyes by the way. I jumped a little bit there. I was in my own head a little bit. But what I'd like you to think of is, how do we find out our calling? Now, I've called mine, my North Star. And I have conversations in my puzzle book, the direction, because I used to think it was a goal, but it wasn't. It's a direction. Yes, there'll be goals along the way, but ultimately, it's just a direction, being who you truly are, and then living the life with all your wonderful beliefs and values. Now, how do you do that? This is why I do it, because this is a sharing, a personal sharing. And I use, well, I've started off this episode with the puzzle book. You see, it's not NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming. It's not hypnosis. It's not journaling, although a little bit, but it's not journaling, journaling. It's not coaching, but it's sort of coaching. But it's conversations. It's a conversation you have with the puzzle book. And that puzzle book is you, isn't it? And here's how I use it, you see. I don't, as I say, I don't use it like a journal, because journaling is the thing, the bullet journal, all this stuff. Yeah, I journal in the mornings. I listen to myself and write in the mornings just to clear. But puzzle book is a puzzle book. Life is a puzzle, isn't it? Finding our way is a puzzle. Finding that calling is a puzzle. So why wouldn't you have a puzzle book? And in that puzzle book, you can have anything you like, all your ideas, your dreams, your goals, because they're all related to your calling. And all I do is I find a place to sit quietly. Could be anywhere, could be on a walk. I just suddenly sit down, have a little book, sit down somewhere nice, and take that time to pause, to breathe, and to ask questions. And I've got, talking about questions, in the next episode or two, I've got a brilliant question, which will really blow your mind. But that came from a puzzle book, and listening to other things, and then developing it, all through having that medium to write on. Why do you write? Because it gets it out of your head. Because if it stays in your head, guess what happens? Something comes along and pop, that goes out. And you try thinking about two things at once, it just disappeared. And we've all had that experience, when you have such a wonderful idea. Oh, this is going to be brilliant. You know, you're out on a walk somewhere, or you're doing something, what a brilliant idea this is. And you don't write it down. What happens? Yeah, fuck all, nothing. Unless you're very lucky, it comes back again. But if you can use your puzzle book to make a note, to ask a question, how can I develop this? How can I use it? That makes those ideas become a dream. And that dream then becomes a goal, and then becomes part of your mission, your calling. And we discover who we are. Or I might just in my puzzle book, sit down quietly. I love to do it in the evening, especially in the summer, so I can sit outside, a little drink on the side, whatever your tipple is. And sometimes I just ask myself, what needs to be expressed today? What would like to come up into my conscious awareness? What part of me would like to express myself today, to me? And sometimes I'll get an emotion, and I can describe the emotion. And then words come. It's amazing to me, the words just flow through your pen. And I've said before, I don't mind if I don't complete that thought process there and then. Because sometimes leaving the end open, and I do it a lot now, you leave the end open, your unconscious mind carries on, carries on the thought process while you sleep and dream. And then you come back to your puzzle book, or suddenly you'll get an aha moment. And everything starts to make sense, because it's, you know, it's germinating. You just let it come to germinate and come to flower. And I think we talked about pulling up weeds and letting flowers grow or I don't know, a long time ago, it was a lovely metaphor. And I think when you leave, you know, when you have problems, you can just put your problem down and write some questions. You know, what's the meaning? What's the intention by having this problem? Or this emotion? What are you trying to do for me? We've talked about different ways where you can talk to yourself. You know, if your app of choice allows you to search, there was one about the shadow, talking to your shadow, did that in a puzzle. You ask the question, when you identify this feeling, just say to yourself, how can I help you? And then something tends to just come out on the page, a thought that you write down, unedited. And then you just look at it and let it roam around in that brain. Answers just come. And then you can take them further into projects and things like that. But just being around to know who you really are, getting away from the roles, getting away from you can always ask questions like, you know, what am I not doing, that if I started doing would allow me to achieve my, my dreams and goals that are not happening at the moment? What am I doing that I should stop doing that if I stopped, would allow me to live my life so much better, you can discover beliefs limiting and positive belief and just mull them round. And I'll be going through a what I do, and it's my journey. And I want to keep this podcast as a conversation, a sharing, as it were, see, I want to share the hell out of what I'm doing with you. It's not teaching. It's not truly coaching, but it is a little bit. It's not NLP, but is a little bit. It's not hypnosis, but it is a little bit, but it's sharing what I discover with you, and then how we can use it. So it becomes, in a way, a philosophy of the ordinary people, some ordinary, extraordinary people are just ordinary people doing extraordinary things. And that's what you are too. So it's not academic. It's a lived philosophy, the sort that begins with, I don't know, I was having a cup of tea, I was just sitting down with my, I had a question jump into my mind, and where that takes me. And I think it will relate to you, because you're here, you have similar dreams, similar goals, different ages, maybe different challenges, but they'll all come together, and we get a better insight. And if I can help you discover your calling, if I can help you clear away some of the blockages, the limiting beliefs, the emotions that are stopping getting your full range of your full range of enjoyment, love, that's what I'm here for. I do need some help sometimes. And that help comes in a form of an email from you saying, Cluffy, can you help me? And the more you do that, the more I can really see how I can help. And what tends to happen is it tends to get into me, my head, maybe I've got an issue there, maybe what would I do to get rid of it? So between us, we become our own therapist, because I'm a therapist, not your therapist, but we become our own. We've got loads of hypnosis tracks here, as you know. So the 90 seconds of hypnosis tracks. Why have I put hypnosis tracks on a separate website? Well, it's so simple, really. I wanted you to have them all in one place. So you can look through them all you can find the particular one you want. I've even made them downloadable. So you can put them on any of your playing devices that you prefer. You don't need Wi Fi, you don't need the iTunes or whatever you can put them anywhere you like. You can even burn them onto disk if you want. Where do you get them? Well, there you go. I told you it's Paul Clough online.com forward slash podcast. If you're worried about your email address, please don't be because they stay totally safe with me. I only use them to send you out that email and give you access. Simple as that. I send you a link, a special link, so you and only you can access those hypnosis tracks because I want them just for you. And the other thing about this is you've taken responsibility. I don't want to make these open to everyone just random. You have taken responsibility to listen and be part of this community of personal development. And I want to help you. I want to help you personally to get your dreams, your goals, and therefore I'm giving you these tools, these protocols, these paradigms, whatever you want to call them, but in deep hypnosis. So just enjoy. Have more fun than you can stand with hypnosis. You find them at paulcloughonline.com forward slash podcast. 65 I think hypnosis NLP pro all coming from my, my little adventure of creating my life and my way of helping others. And it's a great thing to do paying it forward. And when you pay it forward, like sharing this, this episode, this podcast, you are contributing for no one of it. And that's true selfless service, isn't it? And that's when real joy comes to see others come, you know, making their life so rich, so beautiful. And you were maybe a little garden who planted that seed, maybe you watered it, nurtured in yourself and others. So that's what we're going to do. I hope this has stirred something in your, in your mind, as it stirs in mind, maybe you'll get your puzzle book, and we'll start finding our way, our direction, our calling, our North Star, whatever you want to call it, together and live it. And that'd be brilliant. That would be so good for you so good for me so good for the people around us. And so good for planet Earth, which means it's so ecologically, bloody brilliant. And then, as we got to the very beginning, you'll know who the fuck you are, you really will. Because I think I know who the fuck I am. And I'm discovering it more and more. So with that, I'm gonna love you, I'm gonna leave you have more fun than you can stay. And maybe you can enjoy every heart. And I wonder if I was to speak to your unconscious, just me and your unconscious mind and said, ask the question, what would it be like if you were to surprise that conscious mind by feeling happy for no reason? More and more. I think it's time to fly. All right, your six steps to achieving supreme inner confidence. Who's this program for? This is for anyone who experiences anxiety, self doubt and fear. But deep down, they know they have something within them, just craving to be free. It's for people who want to achieve their ambitions to achieve their dreams with total confidence and self belief. So in the next five or so minutes, we're going to realize your lack of self confidence is not the problem. It's by letting go of the fear that's holding you back and stopping that constant worrying what others think of you. We're going to let go of nagging fear of not being good enough and being found out. So you wake up and feel good about yourself and what that day holds to be excited about the future and what that holds for you. Want to find the old you and then the real you. How to dream the dreams you want for yourself and have those dreams become real. So I promise to you is a step by step program to supreme inner confidence. But let's be honest, this is not magic. I don't promise to maybe wave a magic wand and say, hey, presto, everything's changed. If you really want this, you're going to have to do some work to do whatever it takes. Hey, does this sound like you? Are you constantly in fear of not being in control? Do you overthink everything? Do you question everything and everybody? Do you wonder will this ever end? And what if it doesn't see the real problem? You haven't taken the steps to deal with the true cause of all your issues. It's okay. You're about to discover them now. And once you take them, you're going to feel so excited to see the world and the opportunities in it to have fun and laughter again, joy and happiness. Wake up in the morning with a buzz of energy. Now that heavy load has been lifted to feel calm, content, empowered to feel free, the real sense of freedom, effortlessly to be in control again, and to simply be the real you. So who am I? I'm a master hypnotist, trainer of NLP and hypnotherapist. I help people to be who they really are and let go of all their insecurities and enjoy their life again. In fact, for the past 18 years plus, I've simply been helping clients to let go of their issues and get their real results. That's me, Paul Clough. Let's discover those six steps. There are six key steps you must take and make to let go of your anxiety and self-doubt fully, completely, while unleashing your undiscovered self-confidence. I'm going to walk you through all six steps. Step one, don't fight it, but honor it. You see, this program is not a bandage or a plaster. They simply don't work. We need to understand what your own confidence and low self-esteem is doing for you. That's right. It's doing something positive for you. The mind shift, they're not the enemy. If you fight them, fight it, push against it, the snowball just gets bigger and bigger. You know that. And if you fight it and push against it, it just spreads in other areas of your life. You know that. The mind shift, work with your best friend, your unconscious mind. You see, it's all about unconscious learning, not consciously learning, because you see, you didn't learn to be this way consciously. So why would you try to solve it consciously? It rarely works and probably makes it even worse. So what does work and make things better? You see, it's all about learning at the unconscious level to truly understand what it will mean to you to be competent and confident in all areas of your life, to have your unconscious mind learn what it needs to, that once learned, will let go of all your negative feelings and debilitating and paralyzing self-talk. That was the old way. People used to have many sessions with little or no change. You'd be guided to lovely places and feel so relaxed now, but not later. They make you relive those past memories when things felt really uncomfortable and low. And they tell you to be confident this way, using and installing their own generic way. That's not you, that's not yours. The secret, you see, you don't need someone telling you how to be or how long it will take. You just need the will to do whatever it takes to follow this program, because we're going to unconsciously learn from the past and keep the intention of your unconscious mind to create an empowering and confident present. And then with all of that, create the future you want. You see, together, we're going to learn to change old beliefs. Together, we're going to find new behaviors and new ways to feel confident. See, it's not my way of being confident, free, excited, happy, calm, content, and joyful. It's your way. And together, we're going to create a recipe in all your senses of how you want to be in all areas of your life. You see, take your time and feel comfortable. But time doesn't really have to take that long. Some people change in a second. How long have you got? I like to work really fast, and it doesn't have to be scary or uncomfortable. Why would you want to struggle and make it difficult? I like to work in an easy, simple and comfortable and lasting way. And let's make it easy and invest in you. See, invest in you with my help. Self-help books and hypnosis CDs are good, but not good enough. You better pray and spray if you're going that direction. There's no game without pain. And that's BS. The pleasure that comes from being confident in being you is immeasurable. Because when you achieve success in your competence, confidence, and high self-esteem, you're going to feel empowered. What else couldn't you do right now? You will never know how far the ripples of this change will go. Today, I promised you a step-by-step program to regain your supreme inner confidence. The secret, my secret to unconsciously learn from the past and keep that intention, unconscious intention, create an empowering and confident present, and then create the future. Each of these three steps has two specialized hypnosis processes and a video for each one, making the full six steps to your supreme inner confidence. But the final piece of the puzzle, you have a choice, your responsibility. You can join me in this unique program and let me guide you to rediscover your supreme inner confidence, high self-esteem, and ultimately your freedom. So let's remind ourselves, who's this for? If you've finally had enough, you're saying to yourself, I'm prepared to do and have whatever it takes. This feels right. And you see it's the right thing to do. It's finally time to take action and reclaim your confidence, your self-esteem, and to be the real you. If that's you, hey, come and join me on this supreme inner confidence program. You have nothing to lose, but your low self-esteem and unconfidence. There's a 30-day money back guarantee. That's it. Come and join me. Paul Clough. We'll have fun and regain that supreme inner confidence. Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]

Why Goals Stopped Working For Me — And What I Discovered Instead I've spent years setting goals, teaching goal setting and helping people turn dreams and desires into something they could actually achieve. And goals are bloody useful. They give us motivation, direction and something to move towards. But I eventually noticed something: sometimes you reach the goal and still think, "Is that it?" That was the clue for me. I realised I had been asking goals to give me things they were never designed to provide — meaning, purpose, direction, peace and a sense of belonging. So perhaps goals aren't the problem. Perhaps we're expecting too much from them. In this deeper dive I explore what happened when I started looking beyond goals and towards my own North Star — not as a destination, but as a direction for how I want to live and experience my life. There's also a simple reflective process to help you explore a goal you've already achieved and discover what you were really hoping it would give you. Because maybe life isn't about reaching the right destination. Maybe it's about learning how you want to travel. And, as I'm discovering for myself, that might be much closer to enjoying every heartbeat. In this episode Why goals are brilliant servants but terrible masters. What can happen when achieving a goal still leaves you asking, "Is this it?" The difference between achievement and meaningful experience. Why my North Star is becoming more about direction than destination. A simple process for discovering what you're really looking for through your goals. How goals, dreams and desires can become experiences rather than just milestones. If you've ever achieved something you thought would make you happy, only to find yourself wondering "What's next?", this one's worth a listen. And if you agree, please share the hell out of it with everyone you know :o) https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/487-why-goals-stopped-working-for-me and if you want to see me recording this in an unplugged way https://youtu.be/DAJM7ROz8vk Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected]. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by will |Marshall from will marshall. And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism So, the longer deeper dive. Why goals stop working for me? Well no, actually, what I discovered instead. Because this isn't an episode about goals. It's changed. It's changed in a way that it's more about, I don't know, meaning. There's more meaning to our lives than the structure of goals. And that's what it's all about. You see, there's something that goals can, will, never give us. If you remember from the five minute quickie, you did watch or listen to the five that precedes this. I said, and I think it was sort of profound, what if the reason you keep setting goals isn't because you need another goal, but because you're looking for something goals can never, or were never designed to do for you. Yeah. Now, here's the thing, you're probably thinking, probably thinking, is this guy against goals then? Because what is personal development if it doesn't have an element of it as goal setting, goal achieving, having aims, desires, dreams. And yeah, goals are wonderful. Why are they wonderful? Well, they give you an aim in mind. What are promises? What do goals promise you? In your head, with that intention of that goal, they give you an outcome, motivation. And this is what I found in my life, is by having goals, they have sometimes, quite often, unexpected items. Because between you and I, you are not intelligent enough, brainy enough to know exactly what you want. And by the way, nor am I. But when you start working towards a goal, a dream, a desire, something you want, you have that wonderful intention, you have that motivation, you have that feeling inside. Sometimes we just attract or find new doors, new opportunities that just like synchronicity, come along. In fact, when I first started training in NLP, I wanted to do NLP. And I went to see this guy and he said, no, you can't do NLP. First of all, you have to do hypnosis. I didn't want to do hypnosis, that's not part of my goal. I want to do NLP to be really, really good at business. But when I got into hypnosis, man, changed my life 26 years ago. And counting, maybe 26 and a half now. And I love it. It was never on my radar. It was not on the horizon. It was, it wasn't to be seen. It helped me build businesses, not just the business I wanted to use NLP things for, but the goals helped me build businesses for NLP trainings, hypnosis clinics, doing coaching sessions, going around different countries and training people in trauma therapy. Man, if it didn't have a goal for one of those, and the options and the synchronicity, I wouldn't have done any of that. Goals have helped me learn, I've learned so much. Because you don't realize when you have a goal, what you are going to learn, the experiences you have, the things you're going to take with you into the next one. It's that skill stacking, isn't it? And there's also that bit when you're down, when you're in a bad time, like I was. If I didn't have a goal, certainly a goal to get out of it. But also mini goals within that period to help me find a way out, give me the leg up, give me the hand holes to climb out of that hole. I'd still be there now. Or maybe not even be here in this planet Earth. So they really help you overcome difficult periods in your life. So when you think about it, goals are brilliant servants. That's what they are. They're brilliant servants. But there's a but, and they don't normally use buts, but they are. But they are terrible masters. And that's what you've got to think of. Servants, don't let them master your life, because that's what I discovered instead. So the title says goals stopped working for me, they didn't. But I did discover something even deeper beyond goals. You see, sometimes when I've set goals in the past, and it does happen quite a bit sometimes, I hear that small voice. That small voice which says, is that it? Set the goal, I've done the work, come out at that end, the ending of the goal. And even if the words didn't come as words, that's the feeling I got. Is this it? Is that all there is? Think about that. Maybe you can think of examples in your life. You know, even think of the little goals like buyer's remorse. We've all had buying something we've wanted for ages. And when we got it, is that it? When we've got promoted in that job, we've strived and strived and strived, striven. Is this all there is? Maybe you think, when I lose weight, I'm gonna have all that confidence. Do you? Sometimes, when you finish a project, and I've had this, there's a lot of my goals were projects. And it's that strange emptiness. You know, it's now what? Because the chase has ended, hasn't it? The chase has ended. But the thing is, again, I've had some good goals, by the way. And I still have that feeling sometimes, is that it? Unless I've, I realised it's a progression. The goal is not necessarily the singular destination. But the thing is, I discovered this. I'd been asking the goals, the goals in my life to do a job they were never designed to do. So what am I really asking them? You see, a little bit of vulnerability here. I want to say just lately, but it's been a good six, nine months, even. I think I started this additional work on myself, call it additional, but new work on myself. Because things were changing in my life. Different structures, we've talked about structures and freedom and all this stuff, all come through this path I'm beginning to tread. And I've been seeing my life changing. And they're changing as if there's no goals. But there's, even there was a few goals. I was just trying too hard. And things weren't gelling for me. You know, the now what? Is this all there is? So instead of asking those goals to do a job for me, maybe I was looking for something different. And this is what I was looking for. And you might get this. What I was really asking was to find purpose, to find direction, to find meaning, peace. That was a big one. And belonging. Because things changing in your lives, these things allow you to bring things together. You see, goals can can produce achievements. But they can't produce things on their own. It comes how you live your life while you're pursuing them. Yeah. Have a think about that. Remember, life changes as you change. So I want to think of something. You see, I call this my North Star work. Because I was looking for a new direction. I had to find a new direction. The direction I was on the path I was on was closing. Because that's what happens, isn't it? And goals didn't give me that. But I got direction started looking for direction. Because what I found was goals tell you when you arrive there. But I felt this North Star was telling me how to travel. It's different, isn't it? How to travel, how to enjoy life, as you go along, a rich life. So if it's okay, just for a moment, I wonder if you could take a bit of time to consider this. If you can find a bit of space, if you can, somewhere where you'll be undisturbed, just so you can think for a little while. So you can consider what I'd like you to think about is I'll just get comfortable first. However comfortable is for you. Just take a deep breath and allow that breath to create a comfort inside you and feel it. Give yourself permission to feel comfortable, to feel good. Maybe to feel curious what you might learn. And I'd like you, in fact, I'm going to invite you to think of a goal that you've already achieved. And I'd like you as you bring that to mind. Maybe ask this question. What did I hope this goal would give me? Because I think we forget that, don't we? What did I hope this goal would? And just let that, just muse and notice what bubbles up. And if it bubbles up right now, that's awesome. It might bubble up later when you have a bit more time. Or unexpectedly, your unconscious mind might just bring these answers to mind. But if you could, just ask your unconscious mind to help you here. What did I hope this goal would give me? And if it did, how long did that feeling last? Because we seem to think sometimes they last for a long, long time. But really, how long did that feeling? Just acknowledge it. We're learning. We're not changing anything. But think of this as you bring that goal that you've already achieved back into mind again. What was it? What were you really looking for? Ask yourself the question. What was I looking for through this goal? And notice what happens. Notice maybe you get it intuitively. Just a feeling, an understanding. Or maybe you get words. Maybe you get a real piece of learning. Because it's all going to make sense. And then ask, what if that goal disappeared tomorrow? What qualities would still matter? Yeah, because these type of questions, well, that's where you, I, we begin to find our North Star, our direction, the path. That includes goals, yes. But it's a path, the direction that we tread, or the path that we tread, the direction that we go. And for me now, again, this is me sharing, that terminal star is changing for me. It's evolving. At the moment, it's slowly changing to something like my life, my life's architecture, something I'm creating. Yeah. So I just allow all that to sink in. And open your eyes. Maybe just check in. How do you feel now? What have you learned? Maybe if you had your puzzle book, you know, that book that we, well, that's my puzzle book, isn't it? That I would just open. And maybe write these down. Think of a goal. What did I hope this goal would give me? How long did that feeling last? And what was I really looking for? And then if that goal disappeared tomorrow, what qualities would still remain? Because that North Star, that life's architecture is in some way a goal, isn't it? Everything's a goal. But now it's more of a direction. And I'll be achieving dreams along the way. You see, I'm, and I'm hoping to, inspire you to move a little bit away from slowly achievements, but moving towards experiencing life, the experience. And that's why I say enjoy every heartbeat. Because that isn't about arriving, is it? It's about living. And that's where I, I believe I'm quietly heading. I think you'll notice, or would have noticed in the last, maybe four or five longer podcasts. It's all about direction. Yes, there's processes. Processes will never leave me because that's what I'm so used to. That's what I love doing. That's how I love helping people using the processes to help now find direction. Sometimes we do have those things that call it a blockage, get in our way. The emotional baggage that sometimes is pushing us off path or holding us back. I'll still be doing those as I go through these episodes. But I really want to think about these as not a do to, but a come with. As I share my experiences, I'd love you to share yours with me. You know, my email address, feedback at personaldevelopmentunplugged.com. I love your reaction to this, your thoughts. Maybe as you think about your North Star, your life's architecture, what would you like to design in there? What would you like to experience along the way? As you have those wonderful goals, dreams and desires, but as experiences, not milestones. I think it's a nice way to look at life now. And that's the way I'm changing my philosophy inside here in my head. And I find it so much more comforting, so much less stressful. Yes, I'll be working on goals. I have projects that I want to do. But I'm now looking to them as a real want to, not a have to. Now, is it creating a better experience for me? And what will the outcome be? How can I share it? So you'll see that in future episodes too. So I don't know where we got with this. I hope, as always, it makes perfect sense. Well, not perfect, but makes sense. I hope where it doesn't make sense, it's got your thinking. It's even doing this, this, you know, I've been thinking about it. I've been, this is part of my life. And as I share it, it's getting me to think again. It's like my auditory journal. So maybe you could think of that too. How can you really get into the process and not spending your whole life doing it because it isn't it. We want to design the experience and then live the experience. As I say, enjoy every heartbeat. Have a think, have a think. Now, I know I say this every time. I'd love you to share this episode. Now, I'm a big boy. I see the algorithms or the results I get. The analytics, that's what I was looking for. They don't show a lot of sharing. But if you could, in this changing world, where I believe we need these types of experiences to create a wonderful life in us first, taking responsibility to look after us first, you first, then others, and then little old planet earth. And as they all come together, we'll do something good. So please do share this. If you could just to one person, show me my little analytics, a little blip of good. Yeah. I've seen some movement. And more people get this. I think. Well, you'll feel good. And they'll feel good. I hope they feel good. They would. Because they're like minded people like you like me. And with that, let's just see what happens. So go enjoy every heartbeat. Maybe wonder if I was to talk to your unconscious mind right now. While you're not listening. And ask, what would it be like if you were to surprise them with feeling happy for no reason? I wonder what that would be like? And how would that spread through the rest of their body, their life that day? There you go. That's me done. Time to have a little rest, a little getting into my life's architecture, and have a great time. Enjoy and go fly. Warning, you are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Clough. It's time to fly. Be brave, my friend. Personal development unplugged. Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]

I'm Still Finding My Way – Why You Don't Need Your Old Self Back Have you ever caught yourself saying, "I just want the old me back"? I know I have. I've heard it from hundreds of clients too. It sounds comforting because we believe our old self represents certainty, confidence and stability. But what if that's not really what we're looking for? In this deeper dive I explore an idea that completely changed the way I see personal development. Instead of chasing an old version of ourselves—or even trying to discover some perfect "real me"—perhaps we're simply finding our way. Because your way changes as you change. I'll share part of my own journey through depression, identity and the work I've been doing around my North Star. Together we'll explore why identity isn't somewhere you arrive, but something that keeps unfolding, and I'll guide you through a simple reflective process to help you reconnect with the qualities that have always been part of you. If you've ever felt lost, uncertain or caught between who you were and who you're becoming, I hope this episode helps you realise that maybe you haven't lost your way at all. In this episode you'll discover: Why wanting your "old self" back may be keeping you stuck. The difference between identity and the qualities that never leave you. A simple "Museum of Selves" exercise to reflect on every version of your life. Why your future isn't about becoming someone different, but continuing to unfold. Practical journal questions to help you take your next small step. Remember... You're not going backwards. You're still finding your way. And your way changes as you change. If this episode resonates, please share it with someone who needs to hear it: https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/486-im-still-finding-my-way/ and if you'd like me to explore a particular challenge, email me at [email protected]. Oh! And there's a video of me recording this. It's rough and ready because that's all it needs to be https://youtu.be/hWcLgtawcp0 Until next time... Have more fun than you can stand. Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected]. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by will |Marshall from will marshall. And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism So the longer podcast, we're back again for the deeper dive, the deeper dive. And if you listen to the FMQ, the seed of this longer podcast, I hope you did listen. It was, I would just want my old self back. But I thought to myself, that's not really the thing. The more I thought about what we're going to be talking about, I got a different idea. You see, it's more about finding my way, finding your way, and why you don't want your old self back. Now that's a completely counterintuitive, turn it on its head spin, isn't it? Think about this. Have you ever caught yourself saying something like this? I just want the old me back. I know I have. I've heard it hundreds of times from virtually every one of my clients. We go through the problem, I said, what do you want? And instead of I want more confidence, I want this. I just want my old me back. And that's been a generalisation. But since ever, I've been working with clients, seems to be the goal that some want. And I don't think you do though. I really don't think you do. You see, I thought that's what I wanted. I really did. And guess what? It wasn't at all. That's not what I wanted. I realised something completely different. You see, I think there are three identifying, or not, say it again, Paul, three identities that we have. And they're usually, I say that word again, too, usually edited, they're filtered, filtered for all the good bits. Oh, it was so good back then. You know, they're usually romanticised and very often, totally incomplete. If you're thinking about this, you know, the real self, what do you think these deeper values might be? The real you, the real self, what are your deeper values? Because these are the qualities that remain. They're constant. You see, for me, there's a mixture. Could be curiosity, being curious of what I want, what's available, how I find it. There's kindness. Talked so much about kindness. Creativity. You know, really getting into those creative juices. And you don't have to be an artist. You don't have to be a writer. It's just creatively thinking about you, the world, and other people. There's humour. Some people don't get mine, but I've got a bit of humour. But there's humour. And there's love. Soppy. But there's love. Love for life. Love for your friends, your family, and love for you. And those qualities I was thinking was, you know, they all survive. They survive things like depression. They survive things like change. And changes can be weird, can't it? You see, this is all about, not the old you, but the emerging you. The emerging self. But it's the emerging you. It's the person you're becoming. You're not finishing. You're not getting to a point and then starting again. No, it's not fixed. It's fluid. It's always evolving. Yeah, you get that? And to me, this is where I got this from, because it was all from my personal North Star work that I've been working on over the last, I don't know, six months, maybe a year. But it's certainly the six months and I'm going to go through that in different podcasts. These are the type of values I've been looking for behind that romanticised old me. Now, here's the thing. Forget the old romanticised old self, because you don't need it. You don't want it. Yes, I do, Cluffy. I do. No. This is what I think you want. You want to have a confidence and a competence, you know, in a feeling of, I can do this. And you know, you're right. You're not overconfident. You want certainty. Everybody wants a little bit of certainty. And it's difficult in this ever changing world, but have some certainty about yourself. You want a bit of energy. And above all, we always want, and your unconscious mind wants it for you, safety. Yeah. And we always, when I say romanticise, we always associate with that period in the past, different things, not those. Or maybe we just, you know, take the good bits out. Now, let me tell you a story. True story. My story. A long time ago, I was in a very deep black hole. Emotionally, very broken. I had brief thoughts of, you know, do I really want to be on this little old planet earth anymore? No, only brief, but it was that low. I never realised you could get that low. I've talked about it before. I'd worked with people who went to the bottom of the barrel, because I always used to think you have to get to the bottom of the barrel before you start changing. But this was something affecting me in my life. And suddenly, everything had disappeared on me. And I was trying everything. I was being my own therapist, going through every blooming thing I could think of, because all I was looking for was the old Paul. The old Paul. I was desperate to find the old me. And then I had this little breakthrough. I didn't want the old Paul back. I really didn't. Because it didn't fit. The old Paul was part of that old problem. I was part of the choosing of creating that black hole. I was part of that depression. I was part of that breakdown. And even chasing that real me. You know, I wanted the real me, the real me. And that became another destination. Oh, who's the real me? I was chasing and chasing now another, say, another direction, another destination. Another identity, as it were. Then I came to another aha moment. And what it was, and it's so simple. I'm just still finding my way. That's all it is. I'm finding my way. And my way changes as I change. That's it. Let's just think about that again. You're still finding your way. And your way, whatever that is, changes as you change. Oh, and that was really powerful to me. Really was. You see, there's so many different changes, isn't there? There's the teenage self, the young parent that I was, there was my career dreaming self. I got pretty successful at one particular career. Well, I think I've been pretty successful at different changing careers, but I was successful in myself, I thought. But then I'd lost myself. Can you appreciate each one? Could you learn from each one? You see, let's think. Just bear with me. And if you can close your eyes, that'll be great. If you can't, it doesn't matter. The only reason you close your eyes is just to take a few distractions away. So you can really focus on my voice and what I'm saying. But if it's not safe to do so, keep your eyes open and, you know, just listen. Just listen and let it go in and when it, things will happen. See, I want you to imagine something. I want you to imagine that we're walking through a museum. You and I. Well, in fact, it's really you. You're in this museum, and it has this wonderful corridor. And we're walking through this corridor. And there's so many different doors leading to different rooms. Some of the doors are really ornate. Can you see them now? Some of them have little nameplates on. And you see, these are your rooms. Because each room contains that version of yourself. A previous version. Let's go back to what I said before. That previous version of your teenage self. You know, if you went into that room, you would see, become aware of who you were then, back then. As a teenage, as a teenager. The you that was a teenager. What were your thoughts? What were your dreams? Maybe you had some worries. But then if you come through to the next door, we close that one. And we go to the next room, there's the young parent. If you've been a parent, like I was, I was very young. But you might have acted as a parent to other people back then. And then look at the door that says career. That career self. What was that like? Over the years? Maybe there was a different you in each part of your career, the steps along the way, things you learned. Maybe the things that you, what gave you a bit of anxiety, maybe, because that's another room. As you come out into that corridor. There's times when we've been anxious, isn't it? Anxious, worried, maybe scared. That's another room, that's another part of the self. The anxious self, the worried self. How do we cope? What made it happen? What did we learn? What didn't we learn? Then maybe there's another room of the confident self. All the skills, all the skills you've learned, making you competent and making you feel confident now. Yeah, through all different events, events, context in your life. Maybe that room leads to or links to the successful self. You know, when you just felt, oh, I feel so good. Because there's so many different ways of feeling successful, isn't there? And maybe there's another one. One that's called the lost self. Yeah, I had that one. I had that one. That was a big room for me. The lost self. So we can walk through each room. You can take time to do this again. But just appreciate each one because they're a different aspect of your identity, aren't they? Of your history, your personal history. We can appreciate them. We can learn from every one of them. But just don't go back into any room. Because you don't have to keep moving back and forward, move back and forward. Because you see, museums are really just for the visit. They're not for living, are they? They're just records of the past. They're just records of the past. Things that we can learn from, I guess. Yeah. How interesting was that? It was really interesting when I started doing it. All these different identities of you, of me. You tend to think we have one identity. So instead of thinking, who am I? Think of this, consider this as a question. Get your journal out if you want to. This is something that you could do with a lovely journal and just sit back and relax and take a breath and then ask yourself, what qualities do I want to grow tomorrow? Not the identity, it's a direction. Maybe you want to be more curious, more compassionate, maybe. And that compassion to me is such a wonderful thing to grow in yourself. If you can have that as a skill, an ability to be more compassionate every day. I think that just leads you to that curiosity. It makes you more playful, doesn't it? Maybe you just want to be more playful. You know, with the things that we look forward to and dream of, maybe you want to be more courageous. That's another one, isn't it? More courageous. So many different things. What else? What are the examples, the qualities that you'd like to grow more of tomorrow? Write them down. You see, now when we think of it this way, the things you desire for yourself, your identity becomes a movement. It's not a destination. Does that make sense? I struggled with it a little bit, but it makes sense to me now. And you see, trying to put all things together, connecting the dots. So you can only connect the dots of the past, you can't connect the dots of the future. But as I said in that FMQ, The Seed, my way changes as I change. Your way changes as you change. Even if you go further from that, I tried to think of it this way. Life isn't asking us to become somebody, someone is asking us to keep becoming. Whoa, that got me. And that becoming is only limited by your imagination. Your imagination is limitless. So the sky is the limit to become who you desire to be. Now that's a completely different mindset, isn't it? Do you get it? Now, all of that is not NLP, it's not hypnosis, because they're just blooming tools. They're bloody great tools though. So this is more about what I've discovered in my North Star philosophy that's coming to fruition now, I think, in my mind. But we're going to talk about all the tools that you need to get this direction, to get this becoming. And we're going to talk about those in many episodes, you know that. You see, I want you to think about this as a little bit of a philosophy. We, I, you, are never finished. Now that can be a little daunting, but think about it this way. We, you, I, are always unfolding. Imagine that as a picture of your life, you're unfolding, you're seeing new things, new directions. That's, in some ways, what all of these, or certainly the last, I don't know, five, six deep dives, they've all been heading this way. They've all been pointing me to this. And it's part of my work, my own personal North Star work. I think where I'm expressing this, that's where I'm getting these thoughts from. So let me pose a couple of things to you. I'd like you to write them down, and then take a bit of time to consider the implications. Here's a question. Which version of me am I trying to go back to? That was a difficult one for me, because of all those different rooms in the museum. Which version was I trying to get back to? Was I really getting back to a version? And when I think about the old me, what did that version give me? So, because there wasn't one version, was it? But there's different versions. What was it really trying to give me? But here's a real good thing. Great question, this. Well, not the question, it's the answers you get to this question. What qualities have never left me? And that just reminds me, I did an episode, I don't know when it was, but it was all about my qualities. I've even got it on the hypnosis tracks at paulcloughonline.com forward slash podcast. All about my qualities. When you look at your qualities, you feel absolutely bloody awesome. When you remind yourself how good you are, first time I saw in all this time, but it is, you're so fucking good. You really are, you've got so many wonderful qualities. So when you think about what qualities have never left you, never left you at all. And when you know that, and you know your dreams, your desires, what qualities do you want to grow now, next? That just go in a minute, what qualities do I want to grow? Think of your dreams and desires, what qualities would make them come to fruition richer, bigger, better, brighter. And when you think of that, dreams, the desires, the goals that you have, and the qualities that will help them grow, maybe here's a question. If I'm still finding my way, and we are, you, I are still finding our ways, what would today's next step look like? You put them all together and you start to find a way to help embassage this evolution of you. So I don't know, hopefully that's given you loads and loads to muse, to sit down quietly with your G&T, your cup of tea, your glass of water, whatever it is, quietly, to ruminate, to allow the muse to take you to tea. But I'd like you, I'd like to continue sharing my adventure in finding a directional path of my North Star, my North Star exploration. And maybe you can join me with yours. Let's do it in parallel. Let's really grow together. And it doesn't matter what age you are, you know, I'm a little bit older than most, but I'm still searching to make my life even better, even richer, because I'm evolving into different contexts, different genres of my life. And I want the qualities that allow that to become so meaningful to me. So, yeah, I'm still finding my way. I'll always, I think, keep finding my way, keep taking the next step, having new dreams, new desires. And I want you to come with me. And I want you to, well, I want just to support you in those dreams, those desires, to create the best version of you every day. Now, sometimes you do need those tools, as I said. And if there are anything, or any things, or anything that is giving you like an obstacle, maybe there's a block, you know, on the way, something in your way that you need help with. Maybe it's emotional. Maybe it's physical. Maybe it's whatever. There's something happening that you need a bit of help with. Do please email me. Feedback at personaldevelopmentunplugged.com. Do that. Good old Cluffy. I'm the only one here. And we'll create something for you. I will. I will also keep going through this continuing adventure of mine, and sharing it with you, because hopefully that will give you the inspiration to find your steps, your way to create a better world. Better world for you, better world for the people around us. And ultimately, little old planet Earth. That's my dream. And because it's my dream, I'd love you to share my dream with others, if you would. I know I haven't really brought an awful lot to the table on this particular one, because it's more about thinking, considering, getting us to maybe just take a step forward by taking the step and considering. But if you could share this with everyone you know, because I think we can all do with this little pause and realise it's not the old me. It's not the old self. It's who I'm developing into, evolving into. And how do I want to evolve and develop? So come with me on that. I'll share everything I can. And hopefully we're going to find a wonderful new world. Let's be that butterfly that flaps and creates a wonderful wind, a storm of change. I don't care. Let's just make change happen now. So until the next time, my friend, you go fly. It's time to fly. Be brave, my friend. Personal development unplugged. Transcribed by TurboScribe. Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]

Finding Your Way: When You Feel Lost in Life Have you ever quietly said to yourself, "I've lost my way"? Not necessarily out loud. Just inside your own mind. That feeling that somehow you've become disconnected from where you're going, who you're becoming, or even who you really are. In this deeper dive episode, Paul explores a personal experience of feeling lost after making significant changes in life and identity. What emerged was a surprising realisation: perhaps we don't lose our way at all. Perhaps we simply lose connection with the part of ourselves that already knows the way. This episode explores the uncomfortable space between who you've been and who you're becoming, why that space can feel like grief, and how looking outside yourself for answers often keeps you stuck. Most importantly, you'll experience a guided hypnosis and visualisation process designed to help you reconnect with your future self, discover your inner direction, and uncover the next small step on your journey. Because maybe your path isn't something you find. Maybe it's something you feel. IN THIS EPISODE • Why feeling lost often follows personal growth and change • The hidden link between identity and feeling directionless • Why searching for answers outside yourself can make things worse • The difference between finding a thing and following a direction • How your future self may already know the next step • Using emotion to communicate with your unconscious mind • Why purpose is often discovered through feeling rather than logic • A guided hypnosis process to reconnect with your inner compass KEY TAKEAWAYS ✓ Feeling lost doesn't mean you've lost your way. ✓ Identity shifts can temporarily create uncertainty and confusion. ✓ Your future self can provide guidance when your conscious mind feels stuck. ✓ Direction often appears before the destination becomes clear. ✓ Purpose is experienced through alignment and feeling, not just thinking. ✓ Small steps create clarity far more effectively than endless searching. QUOTE FROM THE EPISODE "You don't have to have the whole plan. You don't need the perfect map. Your future self doesn't hand you the whole journey. It simply nudges you, one step at a time." REFLECTION QUESTIONS • Have I really lost my way, or have I simply lost connection with myself? • What parts of my identity am I currently letting go of? • What feeling am I truly seeking in my future? • If my future self could guide me today, what small step would it suggest? • Am I searching for answers outside myself that may already exist within? CALL TO ACTION If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who may be feeling uncertain about their direction in life. https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/485-finding-your-way-when-you-feel-lost-in-life And if there is a subject you'd like explored in a future episode, email: [email protected] Together we'll keep exploring, learning, and evolving. Until next time... Have more fun than you can stand. Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected]. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by will |Marshall from will marshall. And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism Hey friend, hope you're doing well and welcome to this longer, deeper dive. And we had the FMQ, the seed of freedom versus structure, freedom or structure. But maybe that's the wrong question. Maybe I'm asking the wrong question. Maybe a better question might be, how do I create a life that feels free without becoming lost? Okay, something to think about here straight away. If I gave you complete freedom tomorrow, what would you do? There's no schedule, no obligations, no one telling you what to do. Sounds wonderful doesn't it? Maybe you can feel it, feel what that would feel like, complete freedom. Just imagine what you'd see, hear, feel. Yeah, but just think for a moment. What happens on day three? What happens when no one's asking anything from you? What happens when there's no deadlines, no structure, no bloody routine? Yeah, didn't think of that did we? I mean, me personally, I've been really wrestling with this. You know, this has been deep inside with my puzzle books and all that thing. Been struggling, wrestling, trying to get a grip of it. You see, for years, I really wanted freedom. In fact, every client of mine, when I ask them, what do you really want? They say, I just want to be free Paul, I want freedom. But the thing is, when I got closer to it, I found something surprising, and so did they. You see, I tell you what, let's do a little bit of exploration, the first part of our dive. So take a deep breath, and let's explore this myth. I'm going to call it a myth of freedom. You see the dream? We've all got it, we've all had it, haven't we? No alarm clocks. Oh dear. No obligations. You don't have to do anything. No one's telling you what to do, because there's no restrictions. You have a total choice in all of this now. Total choice, oh my. But then, what's the reality of that? What is the reality? Maybe too many choices? Hmm. Too many choices, oh wow. Because when you have too many choices, guess what? No direction, is there? There's no momentum. I feel disconnected. I feel stuck. Can you get that? Can you feel that? That's the way I was feeling. I was feeling stuck because of all these things I started to look at. Feel it with me. Now you see, I have been doing a lot of work lately on myself. You see, my roles have been changing. I've been deeply into a lot of work with therapy, and I'm starting to just ease that out a bit now. Not doing quite so much. There's a lot of activities I have been doing, and I've decided to say, well, no, actually, I'm going to push them away. I'm going to change. And so they dropped off. And because of that, I got space. It started to appear to me. And you see, here's the thing. I look forward to it. I did. Because space, to me, is precious. And it sounded so wonderful, until I found I was standing right in the middle of too much space. There's just too much of it. You see, what I found out was, freedom without direction can start to feel surprisingly like being lost. I'm going to repeat that, because that started to really get inside me. Freedom without direction can start to feel surprisingly like feeling lost. Let's go deeper. We've done that a little bit. Let's go even deeper now. You see, maybe it isn't freedom versus structure. This is where we started. This is where I started. It's a bit of a false choice, really. Because that's what I'm thinking. Maybe it isn't freedom versus structure. Maybe that was the wrong question I was asking myself. In fact, that's what I've been asking you. Maybe, instead, I ought to have been asking, what type of support allows me to be free? What type of support allows me to be free? Because that was a good question, wasn't it? You see, when you think of structure, and this is what I did, I began to think of restriction, rules, pressure, obligation. That was stuff I used to have sometimes, but it's too much now. When I think about it now, having structure, it's too much restriction, too many rules. The pressure was on, and there was an obligation. But here's the thing, not all structure is control. Because some structure allows you, gives you support. Here's a couple of weird examples. You know, riverbanks create flow. They're in a pond, they're in a lake that just sits there. Sitting there's good, but we want flow, creative flow. Music is made of scales, isn't it? Because without those scales and notes, and the structure of that, we wouldn't have music. Sometimes you need a frame around a painting to make it stand out. Because if you think about it now, and I started to think about it, it's as if everything has a structure, a strategy, and it has a strategy that it follows. And they're the things that started to make me think. You see, without that structure, the bloody thing disappears, isn't it? You see, freedom doesn't flourish in chaos. And I think that's what happens when we have freedom. Sometimes, you know, you can hear the chaos going on because things are too free. Freedom flourishes when it has something to grow through, feeling alive. Think about that again. Freedom flourishes when it has something to grow through. Yeah. Let's play. Let's play for a moment. Think about, and you want to close your eyes, you can, or you can just daydream it with me. Think about a time in your life when things felt really good. Maybe you can just bring to mind something of the past when things just felt really good. What was present regularly in those times when life was really good? What was present? What habits happen naturally? What are those natural triggers that just, you just did it. And again, what routines helped you without feeling restricted? You know, you had a routine, but you just loved it. Imagine which one or which of those, not just the one, which of those felt really supportive in creating this life and which felt creating. No, I didn't mean creating. Which felt controlling. Yeah. Because this is the first insight. Not all structures are equal, are they? Each time in your life when you felt really good, they were slightly different, but slightly the same, weren't they? So let's have a, let's have a little think. And if you didn't close your eyes, maybe you want to close your eyes this time. And if you did close your eyes, you may want to keep them closed, but make sure it's safe to do so. You know that. And this is just remembering a visualization. So it's not hypnosis, but it's great to be able to focus on you. Take the distractions away. Give yourself some time. Give yourself the present of time. So just for a moment, I want you to imagine tomorrow. Not even the most productive of days. Just a good day. Yeah, just a good day. What is a good day for you? What are the anchors that create a good day? Maybe it's that morning reflection. For me, that's journaling. Maybe it's just spending time in the open, walking. That freedom of just walking. Having time to maybe think or listen. Maybe it's time when you put aside to be creative. An old puzzle book comes to mind. Thoughts, dreams. What about exercise? Maybe exercise, the movement. What about, there's another one, reading or learning. What about when you record your ideas? Maybe you can identify even more. But maybe three just come to mind. As being, maybe more prevalent in this good day. I'll repeat them. Morning reflection, walking, creative time, exercise, reading. Maybe just recording your ideas. Just whatever comes to mind now. You see, these anchors are not a schedule, are they? They're not written down. They're not a rule. They're an anchor, a trigger. You see, a rule tells you off when you miss it. It's there to, you know, you have to, have to, have to. But an anchor helps you return. Takes you away from drifting. And that's a beautiful distinction, I think. See, I want those type of anchors in my life. And I want those type of anchors in your life that just create a wonderful good day. Because when we're having good days, I just get, and imagine that. Good days getting better and better. So just allow those anchors to be present in your life. And maybe when you do open your eyes, you'll make a note of them. Or maybe take some time to think about them even deeper. So open your eyes. Have a little look around. Take a deep breath. And we're back. We're back in the present. And I want to be real now. Let's be real. Real life. Let's explore where all this appears. You see, what happens to creativity when you have too much freedom? I think we never create when we've got too much freedom. And I don't. I find I waste time. Because there's no, there's no nothing. There's no pull. There's no desire. Because of too much. But then again, if I structure, I'm going to be creative right now. Well, to me, creative or creativity just dies. It disappears. It just evaporates. And then I get frustrated. What about your health? Think about this. Your health. When you've got too much freedom, what happens? I'll tell you what happens. You do bugger all. You let things slide. I know I do. And I'm sure I'm not the only one. Maybe I'm the only bloody one. Maybe it's just cluffy. But you can't fool yourself. But what happens with your health if if there's too much control? I've got to do this. I've got to do that. I've got to put this in. I've got to go to the gym. I've got to burn out, isn't it? Burnout. There's too much. Think about your relationships now. When you have too much freedom in a relationship, disconnection happens, doesn't it? That closeness just disappears. But if there's too much control, we have to do this, you have to do that. Nothing is spontaneous. Too much control is in suffocation. We feel like we're tied in, we're bonded. I can't move. I suffocate. I can't breathe in this relationship now. Take a moment, just for a moment, and be intuitive. This is a weird question I'll ask you. Maybe you need to reflect on it. Maybe you want to just write it down. But where in your life are you mistaking support for restriction? It's a weird question, isn't it? But it's an interesting one. Because support doesn't have to be restriction. Let's get realer. I love the term. Make it more better. Let's get more realer. You see, I want to get you from this thinking, it's either this or either that. Because it's not. You see, I don't think you need more discipline. I really don't. Sometimes you just need the right environment. Creating that right environment. Because so many people, maybe it's me again, just forcing ourselves to do things. Forcing creating the life that we want. I know on personal development we say one percent more, one percent more, one percent more. But sometimes we just need a little bit of freedom. Because forcing isn't freedom, is it? It's not. But the thing is, and this is what gets me, again a personal thing, a drift. And drifting isn't freedom either. Because I look back and I go, bugger. If only I should have, I could have, and all that stuff. We always have those things, don't we? Or is that just me? You see, real freedom, I believe anyway, comes from setting your intention. What's important to you and what you want to achieve. That's setting intention, isn't it? And setting your intention is a choice, isn't it? You choose what you want to achieve. And that to me gives me a support. It's a lovely support. It's a comforting support. It feels real. There's no pressure in it. Because I'm choosing. Choosing what would be good, what would be right, what would make my life better. And in that, there's no pressure. No pressure whatsoever. Don't know how that gets you. I mean, yeah, let's look at the bigger picture now. The bigger picture you could consider being your best life, the best version of you. Let's take it well beyond self-improvement. You see, when you find balance, and balance, as you know, is not just this, it's harmony. When you find harmony, that's better. Let's be real. When you find harmony in your life, you become calmer, don't you? More comfortable. And in that comfort, in that calmness, that peace, you can be more creative. You're open to intuition. Those are hard. You're just there for it. Because you're present. You're giving yourself the present of being present. That's what it's all about. And in this bigger picture, when you do that, people notice. We talk about the ripples, being the change you want to see in others. People notice. Your family notices it. They love being around you when you're like this. And you do become that example, the example of what is possible in this life. But you see, because you're living intentionally now, you're following the right path. I call it my North Star. I know a lot of people do, but I've been working on this, finding my direction. Remember, your North Star is not a thing, it's a direction, it's a path that creates wonderful opportunities. And you see, I found when I did this deeper dive myself with my puzzle book and all those things. My North Star isn't found with having complete freedom. It wasn't. But it was revealed to me through creating enough support to hear myself, give myself space to listen. And that's a lovely place to be in your continuing exploration to create your best self. So let's ask ourselves a few questions. And again, you might want to write these down, you might want to, you know, just set some time and just come back to this, because these are really important questions. They're easy, but they're important. And you remember, in simplicity, there's genius. And these are just wonderful, simple questions, but they dive so deep. So you've listened to me ramble on. But here's the question, what does freedom really mean to you? So the question, what does freedom really mean to me? Maybe where has freedom and too much freedom created confusion in your life, you know, all that stuff, the noise, the chaos. But the flip side, where has structure become too much controlling, as it were, and then open it up? What supports me without restricting me? What are the things I can do? The things I've learned that supports me without restricting me? You know, we talked about those anchors, those three anchors, what makes a great day or a good day? What are those gentle anchors that would make tomorrow just that little bit better? And if that was to be that 1%, what would it be to have that good day? What are the three gentle things that you do that just create a good day? And this is what really got me, the question that made me really think and in some ways, you know, give myself a little bit of a bollocking. What am I trying to force that might grow naturally with support? Because I was trying to force stuff. I really wanted it. And it didn't come until I gave myself support, the support was listening for me. It was just listening, being available to myself, because I didn't know that I knew. But I did know. I just had to get out of the way. And that's what happens. So here's what I want to ask you. I obviously want you to do all of that. But I want to ask you a couple of questions. But me, what are your relationships with freedom? I'd love you to email me this feedback at personal development unplugged.com because I'm so interested, because it will help my path, my growth, my understanding of freedom, and relationships to freedom. You've heard about mine now I've told you about it. Maybe what are your those anchors that really give you a great day? What are the things in your life that allows you to feel free? Real free, not that chaos of freedom, but real freedom, where you can explore, create and be you. And what are the things that support you that that make you feel supported? You see, I'd love to know those because I'll pinch them off you. But also, I'd like to share them with other people too. You see, also, I want to encourage you to share this. Because there are people out there who need to hear this conversation. They really do. And hopefully these are conversations. Another, they come from deep inside me. They're very personal conversations. I'm expanding out into a way that the things I've learned, the things I share. And I'd like you to share this too, because people do need to hear these type of conversations to reflect, to create and live their best life. So maybe just share. And also that blooming subscribe button, the follow button, please press that because that's going to help help this grow for other people to find it on the old platforms that you listen to. So here's the thing. Let's bring it. Let's bring it all back together. Let's bring it all back together. I've done my little call to action. I've really gone deep into my thoughts. Maybe freedom isn't what you're looking for, isn't what you want. Maybe freedom isn't doing whatever you want. When you think about it. Maybe freedom is creating a life that supports what matters most. Who knows? Got to get a grips to that. Just maybe. The structure that you've been resisting, well I've been resisting, is actually the support you've been looking for. But it's this structure that I'm giving you. Structure to be free, as it were. Because we need a little bit of this. A little bit of that. And as we say, that is harmony. Hey, have more fun than you can stand. Keep following that blooming North Star. Find your path. Find your direction. Live the life until it bursts. Because it's time to fly. Fly to that North Star. See you next time for deeper, little series of FMQs. And let's get thinking and doing and moving. Enjoy our life. Until next time, my friend. I'll see you then. Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]

Resistance- The Fear That Is Stopping Your Success Why do we resist doing the very things we know would move our lives forward? In this episode, I share a live training session exploring the hidden force behind procrastination, self-sabotage, overthinking, limiting beliefs, and the fear of change. Although these challenges appear different on the surface, I believe they often stem from the same place – fear-based resistance. We'll look at why your unconscious mind may be holding you back, how overthinking disguises itself as productivity, why perfectionism creates paralysis, and how small steps can dissolve fear far more effectively than giant leaps. I also share practical ways to work with resistance, including reflection, visualisation, questioning limiting beliefs, and reconnecting with the feeling of where you truly want to go. Because success isn't about forcing yourself forward. It's about understanding what's holding you back and learning how to move beyond it. In This Episode Why resistance often shows up as fear rather than laziness The hidden connection between procrastination, self-sabotage and overthinking How perfectionism keeps you stuck Why limiting beliefs create resistance to success The fear of change and stepping beyond your familiar zone Using reflection and journaling to uncover answers already inside you Why small steps beat giant leaps every time How to create momentum without overwhelming yourself The question that helps dissolve resistance and create movement Key Takeaway Resistance isn't the enemy. It's a signal. When you stop fighting it and start understanding what fear is underneath it, you can begin to move forward with confidence, clarity and purpose. Success often isn't about learning more. It's about removing the resistance that's already stopping you. Please share with a friend: https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/484-resistance-the-fear-that-is-stopping-your-success Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected]. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by will |Marshall from will marshall. And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism #484 Resistance- The Fear That Is Stopping Your Success . Hey, welcome to the Personal Development Unplugged podcast with me, Paul Clough. And a little while ago, I recorded a live call all about resistance. Resistance and what resistance is, where it comes from, that fear-based resistance, and how it affects our lives in all different areas. And then how to cognitively be able to deal with that resistance and that fear. And then also added a process that allows you to do it a different way with one very special question. And I think, well, I thought it was so interesting that I wanted to put that on to the Personal Development Unplugged podcast too. So here it is, have a lesson, have some fun and give me some feedback. It'd be great. Because we had a discussion about resistance. Resistance and what form resistance plays in our lives and where it shows up, how we can deal with it cognitively, because I think there's always a good space that there are things that we can do just ourselves. And then there was a question that I found that I thought would be absolutely brilliant to go with it. And we may just do a little process at the end. So resistance. Now, Stephen Pressfield, who's an author, wrote a lovely book. And most of his books are all about resistance. And he, I think he's one of those, The War of Art. That was the first one I read. And there's a few more. And it's all about being a creative. He talks about writing a lot. But it's that creative side where we want to do something, we have something, and we resist doing it. And that resistance, he is saying, is born out of fear. And I think he's right. Because if you think about anything that we do, or don't do, because we're resisting it, then there's some fear in there somewhere. What the cause is, what the positive intention is, may be different. But I think it's something that we could explore. So here's a few things that I came up with. One of it was cognitive dissidence, which is basically holding to conflicting beliefs. A typical example of that is a smoker. A smoker who smokes because they're a smoker. But also, they know, and they believe that smoking causes them bad health. And in the future, we'll do that. You know, we'll create not such a good ending, probably. Yet they continue to smoke. And they're probably smoking because they believe it does something for them. They've got two conflicting beliefs. It does good for me, it does bad for me. But the way I see it is, in the cognitive, I can't even say it all the time, cognitive dissidence is things like, it's an intuition. You know, when you want to do something, or you think you ought to be doing something. And what happens is, I think we've all had it, haven't we? We've all had that feeling where, I'm not sure, it's not a voice, it's not anything concrete. And sometimes we go with it, and sometimes we don't. But that feeling, I think, is like your unconscious mind connecting with you, and wait, do something, think about something. And I think sometimes when, if you're like me, and you've gone against that feeling, because if the other thing was the right thing to do, you know, either peer pressure, or social or whatever it is, you just think, I think this is the right thing to do because of everything out there. But yeah, I still got that feeling. Most times it doesn't quite go as good as you thought it would. Sometimes it doesn't go good at all. I can remember a time when I spent days thinking about a particular thing, an opportunity I had. And I knew peer pressure. Everyone said, no, do it, do it, do it. It's what we've been thinking about. This is the thing you've been thinking about. You're going to have such a great time when you do this thing. But all the while inside, there was this feeling of, I don't know what, but it wasn't a good feeling. It wasn't going, yes, Cluffy, go do it. It was, I don't know. And I went against it. And if you've had those similar examples, I went against it, and it didn't turn out right at all. Yeah, I made a similar decision a few years later. And it did feel, yes, this is the right thing. So, but there's that fear. But it's like an unconscious signal, I think. So have a think about that. Have a think about that. There's another area, another area I thought of, which was fear of change. Now everyone says, oh, everyone is, doesn't like change. Well, it maybe doesn't like change, but it's a bit like, well, I'm in my comfort zone. And you know, what we call our comfort zone, we call it a familiar zone. Because there's that imaginary line, although it doesn't feel imaginary, because we're in this pocket of familiarity. I can't say the word all the time. Familiarity, nearly got it, nearly got it. And stepping past that line is not sure. And we resist going past that line. You know, we think it's good for us, but not sure. I'm going to give you a little example. Everyone who has come to mind mastery, probably had that feeling. You know, I've got this issue, I really want to get rid of it. But you know, there's that thing about being unsure of maybe the result. But also, I've lived with this for a long time. I know what it is. Doesn't feel good all the time. But I know what it is. And I know of people who have completely resisted any stepping over that boundary. And it's imposed up here, isn't it? It's our boundary that we put on it. Because even how bad it is in the world, not knowing what's on the other side. Well, they don't, they don't go past it. But we've all had that experience when we just fear of change, we just go past that familiar zone and things have happened, which can be so brilliant. Especially if we do it in the right way. But there's that signal of fear. Signal of fear is a resistance. Where else do we notice it? Have a little think yourself. You see, what about self-sabotage? Now, if you've listened to me over the years, I really have trouble with self-sabotage. Not myself doing it, but listening to people. Because at one time, it was like a badge of honour. Instead of having this little thing emblem here, it was I self-sabotage and people were proud of it. Oh, yeah, I haven't been able to do that because I just keep self-sabotaging all the time. No, you don't. It just shows up, doesn't it? And there's reasons why, but it is, there's a resistance to doing the thing that you're doing. And, you know, when you do different things, alternative things that put you off it. And it's very close to procrastination, which we're going to deal with. And that was a question that Craig came up with in my previous Q&A, doing things that we don't want to do. Why can't we do them? There's a lot of it. There's that fear of change. These are all interlinked, by the way. You know, the cognitive dissonance. I know I need to do it. I know it'd be good for me. But yeah, but there's also all the stuff that might not happen. We've got different beliefs, fear of failure. And then we come to beliefs in a minute. But that self-sabotage is that we do things, but we follow different instincts. And why is that? And it's like the unconscious. It could be unconscious, conscious. Certainly the two are acting together because it doesn't feel good. Because we know, you know, as well as I do, when you do these things that not allow you to move on, you have this, it's like clash, isn't it? Things rubbing together. It's that, oh, I know I want to do this. It's that part's integration in some way. One part of me wants to do this, the other part. And it's all, I think, based underneath a fear. What else? What else comes from or shows up as resistance? Well, I think it's like limiting beliefs. That was the next thing I came up with. You know, things like, I'm not good enough. And we've all had that. We've all had that. And if you, again, if you've been around me a lot, you know that I have problems with I'm not good enough as a limiting belief, because I think it masks what the real limiting belief is, and then the real core issue and the real positive intention behind that. But when we have things like I'm not good enough, there's fear in that, isn't there? You know, because of what the effect may be, the result may be, success or failure. And again, NLP presupposition, there's no such thing as failure. It's only feedback. Well, that's yeah, that's about right. Unless you don't take the feedback and you do the same bloody stupid thing again, and again, that to me is a failure. Because you have the opportunity to learn, but the fear underneath. And you also get that thing. And this is what really sometimes bubbles in my head sometimes, because some people will also say I'm not worthy. Now, how many times do you use the term worthy in your normal daily life? You know, to me, it's like Knights of the Round Table. Ah, sire, you're not worthy. But we come up with it. As a limiting belief, which is resisting going forward to do things. Yeah, positive intention. Could be fear of failure. But you also get the other beliefs, things that when we go even deeper, I'm stupid. I just can't do it. Who am I? It's all a form of resistance pulling us back, I think, not letting us go forward. Always wonderful positive intentions. Never get away from that. Every behaviour we have has a positive intention for ourselves. But there are better ways, as we know, to keep the positive intention and find better behaviours. But we're looking at this resistance and the fear that's underneath it. What else do we get? And this is, I started to really just go to the edges of my mind, in a way, in my thinking. And then I thought, you're doing a lot of thinking here, Cluffy. Are you overthinking? You know, overthinking is, you know, I'm an options person. Told people before, I love options. But then sometimes I would have not just because people say one option is not an option. Two options. Well, they're not options really, because it's either this or that. Three options. Now we've got something to grab hold of and look at the different effects. But I wouldn't stop at three. I'd go four, five. I've had on a problem up to seven different options where I think I can do this. And then I get, well, I'm not going to make a move. Because I can't decide which option to take. There's a resistance. I've told you about my friend. Excuse me. My friend. Call him my friend, but he was my business partner. But he was my friend. We worked really closely for 15 years. And I would, we would have a problem. And he would send me away. So you, Paul, you go home. Have a sit down and have a think about, you know, the way you think. Get your mind maps going, get your options. And let's see where we're going to go. Come back tomorrow. And we'll, we'll, we'll have a look. And I used to come out with all these options. And I said, come on, Mike, we're going to have a chat with each one. He goes, no, no, no, no. Pick one. Can't. He said, pick one. Because you've done the work. Stop overthinking. Let's take action. Because that's what overthinking stops you doing. Stops you doing rather. Stops you taking action. Because there's always another thought. And you see, one of those thoughts might be, well, it's got to be perfect. And that was a little bit of problem. Because everybody, you know, when you have a, have a thought that things have got to be perfect, which is then linked to, I'm not good enough, isn't it? Because if I'm not good enough, I've got to be perfect. He said, I might be good enough. But guess what? As we know, nothing is perfect. So you're always going to fail on trying to achieve perfecticity. I think that's the word I used last time, because it isn't a word, but it's a great word. Perfecticity. But it's not going to get there. So there's that resistance with failure and with fear underneath, isn't there? Overthinking. Can you see these are all these different things that we do in our daily lives that I never, at the time, before I got into this little topic, I never really thought about too much as fear. Yeah, one or two obviously came up in the work that we do. But generally, some of these things, well, I didn't think overthinking was fear. But when I thought back as I was preparing here, yeah, I did have a sort of fear of making mistakes. Maybe I can't, I got to find the perfect answer. And as we know, there's no perfect answer. And if you take action, you can always take small steps of action, which means then if something isn't quite going right, you get back on course by taking a different small step. And what else is there? There's the other badge of honour. Procrastination. Oh, I always procrastinate. No, you don't. Don't always procrastinate. I'll tell you that now, because you'll see those people who always procrastinate will do things that they want to do. But we find, I think you can define procrastination as just putting things off. Just putting things off. And we can even put off, if you remember, coming here, coming to mind mastery. How long and hard did you overthink, maybe, put off the decision to come to mind mastery? You know, was that fear of changes there still? Was there those limiting beliefs really playing up? Coming to the fore? Did you sabotage it a little? You can see how this all interlinks and there isn't just one standalone area of resistance. They all have their own different steps interlinked with each other. You know, you can even procrastinate on growth. We're here in the mind mastery, not just to let go of your core issue. You think you do. You think that's what the aim is. But no, that's part of it. It's all about developing ourselves into the person we are meant to be. That best version of ourself. But it can be scary, can't it? Have a little, again, stepping out of that comfort zone, familiar zone, changing. And because that's scary, and what is scary? A little bit of fear. So there's a few areas. I'm sure there's more. Sure, there's more. Maybe you could have a think about different areas of your life, where you maybe come up with different parts of where you've resisted moving forward. Dreams, goals. And I think you'll find either they fall into those areas. Or if you find another area, you'll find how they link. They all have a limiting belief in it, maybe. Maybe there's a fear of change. Maybe it's, you know, part of overthinking, procrastination, fear of change, all those things. But then I thought, having gone through that, I wanted to come up with some solutions. Things that we could do to ease this resistance, to let it go, really. Because we shouldn't really base our decisions on fear. Because if you're in a negative emotion, that is not the right emotion to make choices, is it? Do we have to step out of that? And I wanted some cognitive ones, things that we could do with our conscious mind, and our unconscious, but it's led by our conscious mind thoughts, things that we can do. And we can do them now, we can actually create the behaviours. So going back over that list, let's go back to cognitive dissonance, where we hold different beliefs. And we've got that feeling, we don't quite know what, what can we do? Literally, what can we do? And as I thought about this, I thought, well, that's what we do in journaling, isn't it? Self-reflection. We write about areas of our life, that sometimes, and I tend to find, this is maybe just me in journaling, I tend to err on the negative, not the negative, but the problematic areas of my life, the things I need to deal with, as opposed to all the good things. Getting better at it now, recognising and being, you know, getting gratitude with that, but self-reflection. Now, also have, as you know, I think I've, sure I've said it before, call it a puzzle book. It's a really complicated book, it's a book of plain pages, basically, where as I open it up, if I've got an issue, I can, and I love mind maps, I can put the problem in the centre of that page. If I open it up, it's a nice big page. Plenty of room to think, not overthink, but to reflect. And I can then reflect and journal around that particular issue, self-reflection. And when you do that, and it doesn't always happen straight away, you do your thoughts and you leave a few bits. I love a mind map that has a few tails with nothing on, because you're saying to your unconscious mind, you can think of something, let's add it. And so when you go for your walk or you're out doing things, you get those aha moments, that epiphany. Have you noticed most epiphanies never really happen when you journal or when you're writing, it's when you're out, where you're with, ah, just listen to something, this is the thing. But I believe it's come from that reflection, reflecting about your beliefs. But we'll think about that in a minute. It's giving yourself time just to pause. And when you're pausing in your thinking, and you've got your own positive intention, I want to reflect about this, I want to find an area, your state is different than fear. You're in a productive state, as it were, positive state. And that's why I think the answers start to come. You know, we've stepped out of that emotion that we were in. And we're looking for answers, especially if we start with the positive intention, I'm going to, you know, reflect on this to try to find the answer. I wonder what the answers will come, what answers will come that will lead me to something new. And when you say that to your unconscious mind, I think it just comes up, it will come up, but you've got to do the effort first. Okay, what about the fear of change? Well, what could you do about the fear of change? What can you do? Well, a lot of people think that change is massive, you've got to do this big jump of change, big leaf of faith, everything's got everything, throw everything out and start afresh. That's bloody frightening, isn't it? That is frightening. That's where fear is. But what about taking small steps? You know, this is where we get to the edge of our familiar zone. And we don't leap way past it. We take one small step. And we take smaller steps. Now, isn't this how we do our goals? We don't jump to the next part of the goal. One of the metaphors I used to love, I don't even know who told me or whatever, but it was all about you never try to jump over across a river or stream that's too wide. Because when you do, you're going to get wet, which is like taking too big a step to your goal. But you find a place where there's some stepping stone, and you take one small step onto that next one, and then the next one. And then you find those steps get bigger naturally, as you're building confidence and competence. Again, you've got a different emotion now, not through fear, because you're seeing what is happening, you're judging, you're looking at the results in those small steps, which give you the confidence. And if it's still too big a step, I'm gonna find a smaller step. And that's when we realise when we go past that edge of this familiar zone, that is self-imposed. We take that small step out and you go, Oh, actually, that's not too bad. I remember saying in the actual recording that didn't work out, that there was metaphors in mind. It's a book by two people, and I can't remember their names. It was a long time ago that I went to one of their courses on metaphors and minds. And it's all about we live our lives in metaphors. This is just another set of processes. And it was, it seemed to come as a more often than not, that people metaphor would be, there'd be a wall of some kind that they couldn't see through. They couldn't look over the top. It seems huge. And it stopped them moving forward. But with that process, it was literally in the metaphor, removing some of the bricks, maybe you can remove one and look through it. Maybe you could make a set of steps and look over and then notice what's on the other side. But taking those small steps allow you to see what's over the other side, without making the big jump, which is fearful. But taking a little step, well, that's easy, isn't it? Because I can always go back. But if I go forward a little bit, and what happens is that if there is a zone, if we make it a little bit bigger at the top, that's moving out there, the whole diameter of that circle gets bigger, it matches the whole path. It seems to just happen that way. So that's fear of change. What about self-sabotaging? What can we do to stop us having this badge of honour? What can we do? Well, I think it's all about setting clear goals. I tend to find people who self-sabotage just don't really know where they're going. They haven't even thought about it. So we have a clear goal that we want to do. We may, if we want to do a little bit of visualisation, notice what that goal would be like when we get there, to make sure it is the goal that we want to do. Because why would you self-sabotage or even just sabotage a goal that we really want? Because now we know what it feels like. We don't stay there, we come back out of that feeling. So we know that we haven't got it, and it's a direction we're going. But we've got that feeling of the wish fulfilled. But how do we do it? We take small steps. We may reflect. See, they're all interlinked again. We're using strategies from each of these little boxes. I draw them in boxes because I'm a mind mapper. But they're all interlinked, and we can take the skills and resources from each one. So that's how we can get rid of self-sabotage, get a clear vision of where we're going, what it will feel like. Therefore we're motivated to actually do it. It's a self-sabotage. Limiting beliefs. I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy, Your Honour. Your Honour, what can we do to really work on limiting beliefs? I did say cognitively, but we've also got module six, remember? Module six on that timeline set of processes. One of them is releasing a negative belief, a limiting belief. But how do we do that? The actual process itself is a lovely process. I love timeline therapy. But it allows the unconscious mind to learn from the original event, the root cause. And when you learn from the root cause, you don't need the emotions, which is the first part of those module six. But we don't need the limiting belief either, because we've learned from it, and we can then form positive beliefs from the experience that we've been missing out on. But again, you can begin to think and go, well, is this belief that I have, I'm not good enough, actually true? Because I'm not good enough is a bloody great generality, isn't it? It's everywhere. I'm not good enough. No, specifically, where are you not good? And where are you good? Because if you're good at different areas of your life, then I'm not good enough doesn't hold water. It means you've got a strategy of being good enough. And if you took that strategy and put it into the one that you've been using, I'm not good enough in, unconsciously, you'll go, that's a safe way of being, which is one of the things we do in NLP, take a different context, where you have the skills and, and beliefs and emotions and put it into another one and try it out. That's what hypnosis is, isn't it? You try things out, and then the unconscious mind will choose. Well, that's what we do. Giving the unconscious mind choice, choice to do the things when they're appropriate and let go of the things that are inappropriate. The other question you could put is, well, where did this bloody belief come from? Now, I can remember when I've been talking to people going below the, I'm not good enough belief. They've come up with things like, I'm stupid. And when they've looked back, that's what someone said to me. Or is that one time that's now generalised everywhere else? It doesn't make sense. In fact, it's not even my belief. Now, is it mine is a question? Is that really my belief? Or is it have I picked it up along the way? What's the data that I'm relying on? Because sometimes we have a belief and you go, I can't even find where it came from. Or there's nothing that bears a foundation of truth in it. It's just words. And when you get to it's just words. Oh, well, they're just words. What's a better belief that will support me through this? overthinking, all these options, ever such an easy way, but it is a little bit, you give yourself time, not a lot of time, you give yourself a time to think, and then take action. So I'm going to think about this issue for the next half hour. Whatever you think is appropriate, but don't be. Well, I always take five hours to do it. That's because you're overthinking. No, I'm going to do this in an hour or whatever, and then go, Okay, I'm now going to take action. But how do we take action? Small steps, maybe that visualization, and the feeling of the wish fulfilled, knowing where you're going, if you start from the end and work backwards, and then you go, Okay, well, if I take this one small step, then I'll see the options. And if there's anything I have to mitigate, I can mitigate it and keep moving forward. It's one of the parts of the new behavior generator, which I think is module two, where we get our unconscious mind to look at the bigger picture and hold the smaller steps in mind. So we've always got that connection and continuum. So that's overthinking. I say, if you are an overthinker, that is something that's quite difficult. But then you go, No, sorry, I'm just going to do it. I'm not going to overthink this, because does overthinking work? No, it doesn't. It's in the title, it's overthinking. Thinking works, overthinking doesn't. Procrastination. Well, I think, if you really want to get rid of procrastination, you have to be focused. You have to understand what you're trying to achieve. So that's the first one. What is it I'm trying to achieve, which is a bit like self-sabotage, very much. These are all interlinked. Remember, you get focus on what you want. Now, here's the thing. And this is the thing that you have to do. You have to do both parts of this process. The first part is, what's the pain of not doing this? Real pain. And if I don't do it, because a lot of people don't realise the pain of, you know, when they get to, when they procrastinate and they put off doing what they're going to do, in the end, they're going to do it anyway, aren't they? That's what we do. We know we've got this thing that we have to do by the end of next week, and I put it off, put it off. And then we do it on the last day. And it's painful. And the thing is, it's not as good as it could be. And I've bloody had these thoughts all the way through trying to worry, anxiety, and putting it off and then creating something from a negative emotion and the beliefs that go with it. See that pain, see that failure, feel that failure, if there is a failure. I like failure in this one. I want you to really feel how bad it could be. And then you change state. That didn't happen, because it hasn't happened yet. Because it's not going to happen. This hasn't happened yet. Because that's in the future. You haven't got to that point where you've got to, you know, finish this project or whatever. What's the other one? The pleasure. What am I trying to achieve? What would happen if it went absolutely wonderfully? Now I did all the things I started early. In fact, if I started now, in this relaxed state, I'd get it done before I didn't have time to tweak it, make it even better. I'd be really pleased and proud of what I'm doing. And I know when people see it, they're going to be pleased and proud. They're going to be thinking good things of me. Other opportunities are going to come along because of the things I've done. And plus, I've probably done it and I've got time to spare where I can relax and feel good about myself. And the positive belief that's going to come from that, the confidence, because I'm confident in what I'm doing, and I've demonstrated it. And I did it with ease. Time to spare. And I feel so relaxed about it. Put the two together. Which one do you want? It's a no brainer, isn't it? I want to go for that pleasure. That's why you have to do the two together. Don't want to stay in pain. But I really want you to get into that state of pleasure and go, okay, now let's do a plan. Let's think a bit for the next bit. Let's see what steps I've got to do. What is a wonderful belief I would have to have? Because I now know where I'm going to go. I've done that visualisation. I've got the feeling of the wish fulfilled. See, they're all true. And the small steps. Just get there. All seems to work. They're the things you can do cognitively. But if you remember, I said there's a question. And the question is this. Because this what if seems to just get you into that state. You know, if you're worried about something, you have this resistance, this fear of, you know, doing something, fear of change, fear of failure, fear of anything, which has caused you to have this cognitive dissonance, fear of change, self-sabotage, limiting beliefs, overthinking, procrastination. Just think of what you're doing and go what? What if it went, feel it? What if I was able to access every resource I need in a wonderful calm and comfortable manner? What if I did this in the time available and just did it bit by bit with ease? What if this thing I'm changing went so well? What opportunities would come my way? How would my life change for them? So if it's okay, I just want to finish off I know it's not as long as a normal Q&A, but I haven't got interaction with people. I wonder if you could bring to mind something that you've been, not a big struggle, not a 10 out of 10, just something where you've been indecisive, where you've had that maybe cognitive distance, or you've had the fear of a little bit of change here, or I've been self-sabotaging or putting things off. Have this little thought of me, why me? Am I good enough for this? Should I be here? Bring to mind that particular issue, and if you would, just allow your eyes to close for a moment. And as you bring that issue to mind, take a wonderful in-breath with me. That's right, hold it for a moment or two, and let it out long and slow, as if you're being drawn inside as you breathe out. And as you breathe out, and breathe in, nice and gently. Maybe you could wonder inside, what would it be like to be three times as comfortable as I am now? What would that feel like now? That's right, so, so comfortable. And what would it be like if every muscle, every fibre of me just relaxed? And as you relax with every breath, every in-breath being more gentle than the one before, drifting deeper, just for a moment, you have that little issue in mind. Giving yourself permission, and giving your unconscious mind permission, just ask the question, what if I did this really well? What if I was able to access all the skills and resources that I have inside to make this a success? What would that be like? What if I brought all my competence and confidence and energy, all the positive energy to this, and it was such a success? What if having done that, having done this, I was to attract wonderful opportunities? The changes would be so wonderful. What if I was able to establish those small steps to find my way to success? What if I was to have the most powerful set of supporting beliefs, positive beliefs that empowered me? What would that feel like? What behaviours would I begin to do? What emotions would support me to creating this achievement, to be able to celebrate? What if I was to look back having made those changes and felt so grateful, so good? Yeah, and feel that feeling, and you could be so grateful because you and your unconscious mind are now as one, aligned to creating the success you deserve. Feel the feeling, and feel that connection with your best friend, and when you're ready, knowing and being confident, then you're going to find a way now. Your unconscious mind will create all that you need, access all that you need to create that success, to create that wonderful change in a special way. Yeah, with that wonderful sense of competence and confidence, you can take a lovely in-breath and just open your eyes. And there we go, we're back, we're back. I really hope you enjoyed that, really apologize for the problems we had, but I wanted to bring this to your attention, because I think it's really important to know you've got different things, it's that we haven't just always got hypnosis, but there are things that we could do, and things that we experience in life, that we can get better, make changes, do the things that we want, and take control, and become the real driver of our bus. We're going in a direction, we're driving that way. Joseph and I will help you steer occasionally, just keep you on track, but you have it all, you really do. So there you go, thank you so much, and do enjoy, and I will see you on my next Q&A, and let's hope everything goes 100% the way it should do. Well, not 100%, because it never will with me, I tell you that now. We'll aim for as close as I can. Enjoy, I'll see you the next time. Bye-bye now. Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]