
Don't Make It Worse: Distress Tolerance Tools (DBT mini-season part 3)
From Friendless by James Avramenko
March 3, 2026 · 34 min · Season 8 · Episode 34
About this episode
James Avramenko discusses Distress Tolerance skills from DBT to manage emotional crises effectively.
This week on a very special episode of Friendless, we're leaving the mindfulness skills behind and stepping into DBT's toolkit for emotional emergencies: the moments when you're at an eight or nine on the chaos scale, logic has stepped out of the building, and your nervous system is running the whole show. The only goal in those moments? Don't make things worse. In this episode, James breaks down two core Distress Tolerance skills: The STOP Skill — your emergency brake for when your thumb is hovering over "send," you can feel those words rising in your throat, and everything in your body is screaming do something. STOP interrupts the impulse-to-action pipeline just long enough to give you back a choice. The TIP Skills — a set of physical interventions (Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, and Paired muscle relaxation) that work directly on your biology when you're too flooded to think your way through anything. Because sometimes you can't logic your way out of a crisis. You have to use your body. James also shares two personal stories: what happened when he recorded a full 45-minute episode and forgot to hit record, and how he used the STOP skill in real time during a…
Topics covered
- Distress Tolerance
- DBT
- emotional emergencies
- mindfulness
- crisis management
Keywords
- STOP Skill
- TIP Skills
- emotional regulation
- mental health
- guided mental rehearsal
Mentioned in this episode
Products: DBT toolkit, STOP Skill, TIP Skills
Books & works: Friendless
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- balancing boundaries: the GIVE and FAST approach (DBT mini-season part 8) · April 21, 2026 · 27 min
- Stop Hinting, Start Asking: The Dear Man Skill for Assertive Communication (DBT mini-season part 7) · April 14, 2026 · 30 min
- A False Sense of Safety: Iona Whishaw on Trust, Community, and the Lies We Tell Ourselves (Live at the Book Warehouse) · April 7, 2026 · 38 min
- when your emotions are lying to you (and what to do instead) DBT mini-season pt.6 · March 31, 2026 · 37 min
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