Are You Loving Your Partner... Or Trying To Change Them?
From Relationship Renovation: Why Couples Get Stuck & How They Find Their Way Back by EJ and Tarah Kerwin
July 17, 2026 · 28 min · Episode 288
About this episode
EJ and Tarah explore the complexities of love and emotional support when a partner is struggling, questioning whether we are trying to love them or change them for our own comfort.
When your partner is struggling, what do you do? Do you try to comfort them? Fix them? Pull them out of it? Or... are you actually trying to change their emotional state because their discomfort is making you uncomfortable? In this deeply personal episode, EJ and Tarah unpack two real moments from their own marriage where they found themselves caught in the same hidden pattern—feeling responsible for changing each other's mood. What began as a conversation about emotional heaviness became a much bigger question: What does love actually look like when your partner is struggling? Together they explore: Why your partner's emotional state can start to feel like your emotional problem. The hidden difference between caretaking and companionship . Why trying to "help" can unintentionally create emotional unsafety. How childhood experiences shape our response to a partner's difficult emotions. What genuine emotional support looks like when someone you love is hurting. Practical ways to stay connected without taking responsibility for changing your partner. Whether you're the one who shuts down or the one who desperately wants to make everything okay, this conversation offers a new way to…
People in this episode
Hosts: EJ Kerwin, Tarah Kerwin
Topics covered
- emotional support
- relationships
- love
- emotional safety
- caretaking vs companionship
Keywords
- emotional state
- support
- relationships
- love
- emotional safety
- caretaking
- companionship
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