The One Day At A Time Recovery Podcast

What do you do when you've had a $28 million business exit — and then watch nearly all of it disappear? If you're Diane Prince, you eventually find Al-Anon, do the work, and rebuild a life and business that's more fulfilling than anything you had before. In this episode, Arlina sits down with Diane — entrepreneur, business strategist, and Al-Anon member of 17 years — for one of the most honest conversations about recovery, money, and entrepreneurship we've had on this show. The Exploding Doormat Diane didn't grow up with alcohol in her home. But she grew up with rage — a mother who saved her pleasant face for the outside world and unleashed her anger at home. That environment created what Diane calls the "exploding doormat" cycle: swallowing feelings, avoiding conflict, staying in denial — until everything finally blows. This pattern followed her into her marriage, her business partnerships, and her parenting. It took two specific moments — firing a family member who had been terrorizing her, and yelling at a boyfriend that he was "worse than her ex-husband" — to finally make her ask: what's the common denominator here? The answer was her. And that realization was the beginning of everything. From Atheist to Step 3 Diane resisted Al-Anon for years. She didn't believe in God. She thought the people in the rooms were the ones who were confused. It wasn't until her life felt truly unmanageable that she was willing to try. Working Step 3 at 2am — anxious, exhausted, worrying about college funds and the future — she asked herself: what if I just try this? What followed was a wave of peace she had never felt before. A spiritual experience she still can't fully explain, but one that changed everything. The $20 Moment and What Came After After the exit, after the divorce, after the financial unraveling — Diane found herself raising three kids with sometimes $20 or $50 to her name for an entire week. What she learned in that season: forcing solutions doesn't work. Letting things emerge does. When her Malibu rental situation collapsed, she didn't white-knuckle her way to a solution. She got still, turned it over, and within 24 hours had a lease on Malibu Road she never thought she could afford. Recovery Principles as Business Strategy Today, Diane runs a virtual assistant agency that helps entrepreneurs build scalable businesses. She attributes her success directly to what program has taught her: let go of control, trust the people around you, make amends quickly when you micromanage, and stay open to what wants to emerge. Action Items from This Episode: • Notice where the "exploding doormat" cycle shows up in your own life or business • Ask yourself: where are you forcing a solution right now? What would it feel like to let go? • If you're building a business and feel like you have to do it all yourself, consider: who could you bring in to help you scale? Books & Resources Mentioned: • Courage to Change — Al-Anon daily reader • Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Guest Website: https://dianeprince.co/ Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days – With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode onApple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

You Don't Have to Lose Everything First: What Step One Really Teaches Us If you've ever looked at the 12 steps and thought that's not for me, you're not alone. I thought the same thing for years. The God stuff felt like a barrier. The word "powerless" felt insulting. And the idea that my life had to look like a wreck before I qualified? That kept me stuck longer than anything else. This week on the podcast, I sat down with Sonia Kahlon — founder of EverBlume and host of the Sisters in Sobriety podcast — to start working the 12 steps together, live, on air. Sonia has nearly nine years of sobriety and had never formally worked the steps. Sound familiar? She's doing it now, and we're bringing you along for the whole journey. What Powerlessness Actually Means Step One is this: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable. The key word most people miss is over alcohol. Not over your whole life. Not over your career or your relationships or your sense of self. Just over alcohol. When you look at the dictionary definition — powerless means without ability, influence, or resources — suddenly it clicks. Sonia said it perfectly: once I started drinking, I never knew how much I was going to drink. I told myself just one and ended up ten drinks in. Every single time. That's not a character flaw. That's powerlessness over a substance. Raising the Bottom One of the most powerful concepts we talked about is "raising the bottom." The 12 steps and 12 traditions describe it as sparing yourself the last 10 to 15 years of literal hell. You don't have to get a DUI, lose your marriage, or end up in a hospital before you decide to change. Sonia had what some call a "silk sheet bottom" — financially stable, healthy marriage, functioning career. But emotionally? She wanted to die. That's a bottom. It just didn't look like one from the outside. And that invisibility is exactly why so many high-functioning people wait too long. Sober vs. Recovered Here's something we don't talk about enough: you can be sober and still not be okay. Sonia and I talked about the difference between sobriety — not drinking — and recovery, which is the ongoing work of becoming emotionally healthy. You can have years of sobriety and still be running on old patterns, substituting one coping mechanism for another, and avoiding the deeper work. The steps are one path into that deeper work. Action Items: – Read Step One in the 12 Steps & 12 Traditions (free online) – Write down the dictionary definitions of "powerless" and "unmanageable" — then see how they apply to your drinking, not your whole life – List specific moments where you were powerless over alcohol — not your rock bottom stories, just examples where you couldn't keep a promise to yourself about drinking – Find a women's step study meeting near you (or online) and commit to going once Books & Resources Mentioned: – The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions (AA) – Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book) – The 12 Step Guide for Skeptics by Arlina Allen – EverBlume — online recovery support groups founded by Sonia Kahlon: https://everblume.com – Open Recovery — free Wednesday night meetings: https://openrecovery.app Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days – With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpBAmazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

When Nothing Goes According to Plan — and That's the Point Andrew Lassise didn't get sober because he wanted to. He got sober because a judge gave him a choice: jail or rehab. He chose rehab. And as he'll tell you, that was the best decision he never really made. Andrew's story is the kind that makes you laugh out loud and then quietly reassess your own life. At 16, he was blacking out at parties. By college, it was a daily habit. By his mid-twenties, he had a 0.24 BAC DUI, three failed breathalyzer readings on his own car-mounted device, and a pocket breathalyzer he'd purchased on eBay to cheat the first one. "I could have just stopped drinking," he admits now. "But that wasn't an option until the judge made it one." What happened in the years that followed is a masterclass in what recovery actually looks like when you apply it everywhere — not just to the bottle, but to business, failure, and the relentless uncertainty of building something from scratch. Failure as Feedback After rehab, Andrew moved to Florida, brought the wrong resume to a job interview, and accidentally landed his first tech job. He joined a small IT company, loved it — and then watched it go out of business. His response? Offer to keep running the tech department for free from his living room. That's the company he spent the next decade building. In 2023, he sold it for 70 times the number someone once told him he was "crazy" to want. Along the way, there were credit card processors who held his money for years, campaigns that completely flopped, and moments where — as he says — "knowing what I know now, I would have quit." But he didn't. And the program was a big part of why. "My sponsor would tell me: you can keep fighting reality, or you can accept it for what it is," Andrew says. "Change what you can change. Let go of what you can't." The Community That Didn't Exist After selling his company and spending exactly one year in corporate (he quit three hours after he was legally required to stay), Andrew did an ikigai exercise — mapping out the intersection of what he loves, what he's good at, and what the world needs. The answer was clear: a community for sober entrepreneurs. When he went looking for it, it didn't exist. So he built it. Sober Founders is a nonprofit — Andrew makes $0 as president — built on 12-step principles and designed for entrepreneurs who want to bring their real business problems to a group that gets it. The results speak for themselves: connections made, deals done, and more than a few phone calls where people cry out of gratitude. Action Items: Visit soberfounders.org and attend a weekly meeting Try the Arthur Brooks failure journal exercise: write down what happened, then revisit in 3 months Ask yourself Andrew's question: When's the last time God let me down? Do your own ikigai exercise to find the intersection of purpose and skill My First Million — podcast Andrew mentioned listening to (about strikeouts before home runs) Arthur Brooks' Failure Journal Exercise — write down what happened after a failure, revisit in 3 months, then again 3 months after that The Ikigai Exercise — finding the intersection of what you love, what you're good at, and what the world needs (this is what led Andrew to start Sober Founders) Sober Founders — soberfounders.org, free weekly Thursday mastermind meetings Vistage / YPO / EO (Entrepreneur's Organization) — mentioned as peer groups with a similar model to Sober Founders Soberlink — the in-car breathalyzer brand Andrew referenced from his DUI story Guest Website: https://www.soberfounders.org 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

The Beliefs That Shape Our Behavior One of the most frustrating experiences in life is knowing exactly what to do, but still not doing it. If you've ever tried to quit drinking, build a new habit, improve your health, or pursue a goal and found yourself slipping back into old patterns, you're not alone. In this episode, I talk with behavioral design expert and bestselling author Nir Eyal about why this happens. The answer isn't a lack of knowledge. It's BELIEF. The Motivation Triangle Nir explains that motivation isn't just about wanting something. It's actually built on three elements: Behavior Benefit Belief If we don't believe the effort will work—or if we don't believe we're capable of change—our motivation collapses. We might know exactly what to do, but something inside stops us from taking action. This is why so many people struggle with the knowledge-action gap. The Power of Beliefs One of the most powerful ideas Nir shares is this: Beliefs are tools, not truths. Most of us assume our beliefs are facts. But many beliefs are simply interpretations we've repeated so often they feel true. And those beliefs shape everything: What we notice How we interpret events What actions we take This is why two people can experience the same situation and come away with completely different conclusions. Pain vs. Suffering Another important distinction we discuss is the difference between pain and suffering. Pain is a signal. Suffering is the interpretation of that signal. When we believe discomfort is unbearable, we escape it—often through unhealthy behaviors. But when we learn to reinterpret discomfort, we gain the ability to stay present instead of reacting impulsively. Persistence Is the Real Secret One fascinating study Nir shares involved rats swimming in water. Normally they gave up after about 15 minutes. But when the researchers briefly rescued them and then returned them to the water, the rats kept swimming for 60 hours. The only thing that changed was their belief that rescue might be possible. That belief unlocked persistence. And persistence is what ultimately determines success. Action Steps If you want to apply these ideas in your life, start with these steps: Identify a belief that might be limiting you. Ask yourself if it's absolutely true. Consider alternative explanations. Notice how that belief affects your behavior. Experiment with a more empowering belief. When we change our beliefs, we often change our actions—and our lives. Books Mentioned Beyond Belief — Nir Eyal Indistractable — Nir Eyal Guest Website: 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

The Best Worst Thing That Ever Happened A conversation on sobriety, entrepreneurship, and rebuilding a life that actually works There's a certain kind of person who can build something from nothing. They're driven. Intense. Creative. Restless. They work hard. They push. They win. And sometimes… they self-destruct. In this conversation, Tim shares what it looked like to be both a high-achieving entrepreneur and a blackout drinker—and how recovery didn't just save his life, it reshaped his ambition, identity, and purpose. This isn't a story about "before and after." It's a story about learning how to live differently. The drive started early Tim began drinking in middle school after his parents divorced and he moved to a new town. Trying to fit in quickly became the gateway to alcohol and drugs. At the same time, he was already wired for achievement. In college, he launched a painting business, hired teams, ran sales and marketing, and made real money—while partying just as hard. That "work hard, play hard" rhythm followed him into adulthood. Success grew. So did the consequences. A devastating drunk-driving crash left him with a traumatic brain injury and months of recovery. Even then, he didn't stop drinking—he just learned how to drink harder and longer. If anything, achievement became another way to avoid looking at what was really happening. High performance can hide a lot Tim went on to build businesses, lead teams, and outperform expectations. But behind the scenes: drugs escalated relationships deteriorated burnout intensified drinking became non-negotiable He describes always being "the most messed up person at every event," even while breaking performance records. That's the part people don't talk about. Addiction doesn't always look like collapse. Sometimes it looks like productivity. The moment everything broke The turning point came after a blackout weekend that ended his marriage. It wasn't just one mistake—it was the undeniable accumulation of years of denial. Within days, he attended his first AA meeting. He hadn't planned a recovery journey. He just knew his life couldn't keep going like that. He started going to meetings every day. Sometimes two a day. He got a sponsor, worked the steps, and immersed himself in service. That structure became his lifeline. Recovery didn't shrink his life—it expanded it One of the biggest myths about sobriety is that it takes things away. For Tim, it gave him: community purpose emotional connection clarity direction He learned to build intimacy with other people without substances. He learned to cry, share honestly, and ask for help. He learned that vulnerability wasn't weakness—it was relief. And slowly, ambition changed shape. Instead of chasing validation, he started building a life rooted in service and meaning. Today, he works in recovery, supports others, and still channels his drive—but with balance and intention. The routines that keep him grounded Recovery isn't a single decision. It's a daily structure. Tim's core practices include: morning prayer and meditation gratitude lists exercise and physical health journaling and learning service and community time with people who support his growth He describes gratitude as essential: "If I'm grateful, then I'm not a victim." Exercise, too, became foundational—not just for fitness, but for mental and emotional stability. He calls it part of his "solution," not just a habit. The entrepreneurial paradox There's a pattern many high performers recognize: intense focus extreme discipline relentless drive These traits build companies. But without awareness, they also: fuel burnout mask emotional pain replace one addiction with another Recovery didn't remove Tim's intensity. It taught him how to channel it without destroying himself. Balance became the new metric—not output. Action Steps: What you can take from this conversation You don't need to be in addiction to benefit from recovery principles. These are life principles. 1) Build a grounding morning routine Start simple: gratitude stillness reflection Consistency matters more than complexity. 2) Replace extremes with consistency You don't need heroic bursts of effort. You need steady, repeatable actions. 3) Notice where achievement becomes avoidance Ask yourself: Am I building… or escaping? Am I creating… or distracting? 4) Find your people Recovery happens in connection. Whether it's: 12-step meetings coaching groups fitness communities spiritual spaces Isolation keeps people stuck. 5) Anchor your life in service Helping others stabilizes your own growth. It creates meaning that performance alone never will. Resources Mentioned Books The Four Agreements — Don Miguel Ruiz Living Untethered — Michael Singer Practices AA / 12-step community meditation + gratitude routines exercise for mental regulation yoga and breathwork cold exposure / recovery practices Recovery & Treatment Work Camelback Recovery TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) as a non-invasive mental health support approach Guest Contact Info: https://www.camelbackrecovery.com/ 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

Can I Moderate? Why This Question Matters More Than We Talk About For most of my recovery journey, I held a pretty firm belief: If you're questioning your drinking, the answer is probably abstinence. That belief came from both lived experience, as well as observing other people who struggle with alcohol. Personally, I never drank normally. From the very first drink, the switch flipped on—and it stayed on. I hit a hard bottom early, and after years of trying to moderate, the answer for me was clear: I could not moderate. As it turned out, for me abstinence meant freedom. And still… Over time, something softened in me. Not because I changed my relationship with alcohol—but because I started listening more closely to other people's experiences. The Question Everyone Has to Answer for Themselves I've come to believe this: "Can I moderate?" is not a denial question. It's a developmental one. For many people, it's the pivot point of their entire recovery journey. Some people answer it quickly. Some answer it painfully. Some don't answer it until years—sometimes decades—later. But skipping the question doesn't make it disappear. And that's why my conversation with Nick Allen, CEO and co-founder of Sunnyside, felt so important. Nick grew up in an AA household. Both of his parents are in long-term recovery. He understands abstinence deeply—and still, his own relationship with alcohol took a different path. Instead of waiting for a crisis, he began asking a quieter question early on: What does a healthy relationship with alcohol look like for me—right now? That question eventually became Sunnyside: a platform designed to help people explore change before things fall apart. The Missing Middle Here's the reality I see again and again: Most people are offered two options: Figure it out Quit forever And when those are the only choices on the table, a huge number of people choose to keep trying to figure it out. Not because they're reckless. Not because they don't care. But because abstinence can feel overwhelming, stigmatizing, or premature—especially for people who are still functioning "well enough." Research suggests there's often a 10-year gap between when alcohol becomes a problem and when someone seeks help. Ten years. Think about what happens in ten years: Careers strained Health eroded Relationships damaged Kids absorbing instability they can't name yet Waiting is not neutral. Why Willpower Isn't the Answer One thing Nick and I aligned on immediately: Willpower is a terrible long-term strategy. Willpower is finite. It's lowest at the exact moments people need it most: After a long day During stress At the witching hour (5–7pm) On Fridays when it's "been a week" Sunnyside takes a different approach: Decisions are made ahead of time, when clarity is high Habits are supported with structure, not shame Accountability is externalized, not moralized This is how real behavior change works. A Word About Naltrexone (And Nuance) We also talked openly about naltrexone, a medication that's been FDA-approved for decades to help reduce alcohol cravings. Here's what matters: It doesn't make people sick It doesn't require abstinence It reduces the reward loop that drives compulsive drinking I've had clients use it successfully—particularly high-functioning people who struggled with the "off switch," not daily drinking. But for people earlier in the process—people quietly wondering, "Is this still working for me?"—tools like this can interrupt years of silent suffering. Language Matters More Than We Think One of the most powerful parts of this conversation was about vocabulary. Words like addict, alcoholic, relapse, recovery—they carry weight. For some people, they offer clarity and belonging. For others, they create shame, fear, and avoidance. If the language feels too heavy, people wait. Sunnyside intentionally avoids labels and instead talks about: Alcohol overuse Habit change Awareness Experimentation That shift alone can make change feel possible. Where I Land Now I'm still sober and have no desire to drink again. I still believe abstinence is the right path for most people who struggle with alcohol. And I also believe we need earlier, gentler, more honest entry points into change. The goal of sobriety—or moderation, or reduction—isn't the absence of alcohol. It's: Freedom Health Presence A life that actually works If someone can get there sooner, with less damage along the way, I'm all for it. Action Steps If this resonated, here are a few grounded next steps: Ask the question honestly Is alcohol adding to my life—or quietly taking from it? Move from judgment to curiosity You don't need a label to run an experiment. Plan ahead of cravings Decisions made in advance beat willpower every time. Seek support early Coaching, tracking, community, and medical tools are preventative—not last resorts. Protect what already works If abstinence is serving you, honor that. No need to second-guess stability. Resources Sunnyside: https://www.sunnyside.co/arlina Sunnyside Med (Naltrexone access) NIH research on alcohol use disorder and treatment gaps AA and abstinence-based recovery programs (for those who already know) If you're listening to this podcast, reading this post, or even asking the question quietly to yourself—you're already earlier than most. And earlier matters. Guest Contact Info: https://get.sunnyside.co/arlina 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

Quitting Drinking Was Easy. Learning How to Parent Angry Kids Was Not. One of the things I loved about my conversation with Zach Brittle is how honest he was about what recovery really looks like—especially for parents. Zach said something that stopped me in my tracks: "Quitting drinking was the easiest part." For him, the real work began when alcohol was gone and anger, resentment, and emotional reactivity were suddenly front and center. And if you're a parent in recovery, you probably know exactly what he means. When one person in a family system gets sober, everything shifts. Kids who adapted to chaos don't always feel safer right away. Sometimes they act out more. Sometimes they get angrier. Sometimes they pull away. Zach shared how his daughter went through her own painful process after he and his wife got sober—and how his job wasn't to fix her, control her, or defend himself. It was to stay regulated. Instead of escalating, he practiced pausing. Instead of taking the bait, he learned to sit with discomfort. Instead of rushing in to fix, he learned to be present. That didn't come naturally. He practiced. He rehearsed. He failed and tried again. And over time, trust began to rebuild—not because he forced it, but because he showed up differently. Action Steps If this episode resonated with you, try this: Notice your triggers – especially anger. It's information, not a failure. Pause before responding – ask, "What would make this worse?" and don't do that. Practice regulation – not perfection. You get better by showing up. Let time do its work – healing can't be rushed, especially with kids. Ask instead of assuming – "Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?" Recovery isn't just about removing alcohol. It's about learning how to be with yourself—and the people you love—when things get hard. Resources Mentioned Marriage Therapy Radio – Podcast by Zach Brittle Internal Family Systems (IFS) – Parts-based therapy model Alcoholics Anonymous – Step work and resentment inventory Therapy & Parenting Support – Individual, couples, and family systems work Zach Guest Contact Info: https://marriagetherapyradio.com/ 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

I recently sat down with my dear friend and author, John Loxley to discuss the fundamentals of sobriety. John is 15 years sober and works in mental health services in the UK. We weren't talking about shiny breakthroughs or dramatic transformations. We were talking about the basics — the things that quietly keep sobriety intact, year after year. Because here's the truth: most people don't relapse because they don't know enough. They relapse because they slowly stop doing the things that keep them emotionally regulated, supported, and self-aware. This episode was a reminder of what really matters. Lesson #1: Early Sobriety Is a Learning Phase — Listening Matters One of the first things we talked about was listening. When people are new to sobriety, there's often a strong urge to explain themselves, justify their story, or be understood. I remember feeling that way myself — desperate to make sure someone got me. But recovery starts to shift when listening becomes the priority. Listening to people who've been there. Listening to patterns. Listening instead of reacting. There's a time to talk — especially with sponsors, therapists, or trusted friends — but meetings and early recovery spaces are often best used as classrooms, not stages. Takeaway: You don't need to have the answers. You just need to be willing to learn. Lesson #2: You Can't Do Sobriety Alone (No Matter How Independent You Are) A lot of people want to get sober "on their own." Not because they're lazy — but because they're private, capable, or burned by past systems. But isolation is where addiction thrives. Whether it's 12-step programs, SMART Recovery, therapy, coaching, or peer support — connection isn't optional. You don't need everyone. You need someone. And just as important: those people aren't there to fix you. They're there to walk with you. Lesson #3: Sobriety Has to Stay the Top Priority This might be the most important lesson from the episode. Anytime sobriety stops being the priority — even years in — things start to unravel. Not always dramatically. Often quietly. You stop meditating. You stop checking in. You stop telling the truth. You stop doing the practices. And slowly… your nervous system takes over. John shared a powerful story about going on vacation, feeling great, and unintentionally leaving his recovery behind — only to realize how quickly emotional chaos can return when the practices stop. Sobriety isn't something you "graduate" from. It's something you maintain. Lesson #4: Identity Drives Behavior One thing I'm passionate about is identity. You're not trying to get sober. If you didn't drink today, you are sober. Every sober action is a vote for the kind of person you're becoming. Instead of obsessing over what's wrong with you, it can be incredibly powerful to ask: Who do I admire? What traits do they embody? What small actions would reinforce those traits? Sobriety is the foundation — not the finish line. Lesson #5: Triggers Are Teachers (Even Though We Hate That) We talked a lot about triggers — emotional reactions that feel bigger than the situation in front of us. If a response feels disproportionate, it's almost always about the past. Triggers aren't signs that you're failing. They're invitations to heal. When something activates fear, shame, or rage, there's usually something unresolved underneath. And once you work through it — whether through therapy, journaling, EMDR, or self-inquiry — that trigger loses its grip. There's often real growth hiding underneath discomfort. Lesson #6: You Don't Need to Win — You Need to Understand One of the most relatable moments in the conversation was about conflict. Many of us learned early on that arguments are about winning. But there are no winners in emotional battles — only distance. A simple shift like: "Help me understand how you feel" "This is what I'm hearing — is that right?" can completely change the outcome of a conversation. Feeling understood often dissolves the fight entirely. Action Steps You Can Take This Week If you want to apply what we talked about, start here: Choose one daily recovery practice Meditation, journaling, meetings, movement — consistency matters more than intensity. Check your priority list Ask honestly: Is sobriety still at the top — or has it slipped? Identify one trigger When you feel emotionally hijacked, ask: What does this remind me of? Clarify your identity Write down 5 character traits you want to embody — then choose one small daily action that supports them. Strengthen accountability Make sure there's at least one person you can be fully honest with — without editing yourself. Resources Mentioned in This Episode 12-Step Recovery Programs – For connection, structure, and accountability SMART Recovery – A non-12-step alternative focused on tools and self-management Atomic Habits by James Clear – Identity-based behavior change Unwinding Anxiety by Dr. Judson Brewer – Understanding habit loops and emotional patterns Meditation & Journaling – Daily practices for emotional regulation EMDR Therapy – Trauma-focused healing for emotional triggers Guest Contact Info: 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

Anxiety Isn't the Problem — It's the Habit Loop Behind It I recently had a conversation with psychiatrist and neuroscientist Jud Brewer that stopped me in my tracks — not because it was abstract or inspirational, but because it finally explained something I've lived with for decades. Even in long-term sobriety. Even with years of self-work, therapy, meetings, journaling, and personal development. That thing is anxiety — and more specifically, how anxiety quietly turns into habits like worrying, overthinking, scrolling, information hoarding, procrastinating, and self-judgment. What Dr. Brewer helped me see is this: Anxiety isn't a personal flaw. It's a learned habit loop. And once I saw that clearly, everything changed. Worry Is a Behavior — Not a Personality Trait One of the most powerful reframes from our conversation was this: Worry isn't just a feeling — it's something we do. Anxiety shows up as a sensation in the body. Worry is the mental behavior we use to try to control that sensation. And here's the trap: Worry feels productive. It feels like we're doing something. That tiny sense of relief is enough to reward the brain — which means the loop gets reinforced. Anxiety → Worry → Temporary relief → Repeat Over time, this becomes automatic. So automatic we don't even realize we're doing it. That's the definition of a habit. Why "Why Am I Like This?" Keeps Us Stuck As someone in recovery, I'm very familiar with the idea of "getting to the root cause." Childhood trauma, identity, shame, conditioning — all of that matters. But here's what surprised me: Dr. Brewer says the "why" is often the least important part when it comes to changing anxiety. Not because the past doesn't matter — but because focusing on why often keeps us stuck in our heads instead of helping us change what we're doing right now. When anxiety hits, the more helpful question isn't: "Why am I like this?" It's: "What am I getting from this behavior?" That question shifts us from self-blame to curiosity — and curiosity is where real change begins. The Default Mode Network (AKA: The Overthinking Machine) We also talked about the brain's default mode network — the system that activates when we're not focused on a task. This network lights up when we: Worry about the future Replay the past Judge ourselves Compare ourselves to others Crave, resist, or ruminate In other words: it's the "me, me, me" network. When fear (an urge to act now) gets crossed with planning (thinking about the future), we get anxiety. Anxiety doesn't help us act. It freezes us. That's why so many high-achievers know exactly what to do — and still don't do it. The Three Gears of Change (This Is the Part That Actually Helps) Dr. Brewer's work focuses on a simple but profound process he calls the three gears: ⚙️ Gear 1: Awareness Notice the behavior. Worrying. Scrolling. Self-judging. Avoiding. No fixing. No shaming. Just noticing. If it's automatic, it's a habit — and habits can be changed. ⚙️ Gear 2: Ask "What Am I Getting From This?" This is the most overlooked step. Not: "What should I be doing?" "What's wrong with me?" "Why can't I just stop?" But: What is this giving me right now? Safety? Distraction? Avoidance of shame? Temporary relief? When we see clearly that the reward is small — and the cost is high — the habit starts to lose its power. ⚙️ Gear 3: Find the Bigger, Better Offer This is where things shift. Instead of numbing, distracting, or fighting anxiety, we learn to meet it differently — and that feels better than the habit itself. That's where the RAIN practice comes in. RAIN: A Way to Be With Anxiety Without Escaping It RAIN stands for: R – Recognize what's happening A – Allow it to be there I – Investigate with curiosity (What does this feel like in my body?) N – Note what's happening moment to moment Here's the surprising part: When we stop trying to get rid of anxiety and simply observe it, it often passes on its own. Cravings peak and fall. Sensations rise and fade. Even when they feel like they'll last forever — they don't. Action Steps (Try This This Week) If anxiety, overthinking, or procrastination are showing up in your life, try this: Catch the Habit Notice when anxiety turns into worrying, scrolling, or self-judgment. Ask One Question What am I getting from this right now? Practice RAIN Don't fix. Don't flee. Just observe. Change the Language Instead of "I am anxious," try: "I'm noticing anxiety in my body." Let the Wave Pass You don't have to do anything for it to end. Resources Mentioned Unwinding Anxiety by Jud Brewer Trigger–Habit–Outcome Mapping (free worksheet referenced by Dr. Brewer) RAIN mindfulness practice Going Beyond Anxiety program (Dr. Brewer's advanced work) Final Thought You're not broken. You're not failing. You're not missing some secret piece of information. Your brain learned a habit — and habits can be unlearned. With awareness, curiosity, and kindness, anxiety doesn't have to run your life. It can become a signal — not a sentence. 💛 Guest Contact Info: 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

Choosing Yourself Isn't Selfish — It's Necessary In this episode of The One Day at a Time Recovery Podcast, I sit down with Hakeem to talk about what happens when performance, substances, and distractions can no longer protect us from unresolved pain. Hakeem shares how the death of his younger brother, years of buried grief, elite athletics, addiction, and eventually incarceration led him to a moment of total reckoning. Sitting alone in a jail cell — without substances, screens, or distractions — he was finally forced to face himself. What stood out to me most is Hakeem's belief that recovery isn't just about abstinence. It's about returning to our natural state — mentally, emotionally, and physically. Key Takeaways From Our Conversation 1. Addiction Is About Toxic Consumption Many people quit drinking but replace it with sugar, gambling, porn, caffeine, or overworking. The substance changes, but the avoidance doesn't. 2. The Work Has to Happen Before the Trigger If the inner work isn't done first, triggers become breaking points. When the work is done, triggers become opportunities for growth. 3. The TEFIC Framework Triggers – noticing what activates you Environment – what and who surrounds you Foundation – sleep, routines, structure Invest – time, energy, and money into growth Contribution – giving from overflow, not depletion 4. Community Is Where Healing Accelerates There's something powerful about being seen and understood by people who have lived it — not just professionals talking at you, but peers walking alongside you. Action Steps I Encourage You to Try Identify one "acceptable addiction" you might be using to avoid discomfort Build a minimum daily foundation you can keep even on hard days Journal on this question: What keeps showing up as a trigger in my life — and what might it be pointing to? Seek connection, not just more information 📚 Books & Resources Mentioned Choose Yourself to Be Chosen — Hakeem Bourn McFarlane The Untethered Soul — Michael A. Singer The Way of the Superior Man — David Deida Outwitting the Devil — Napoleon Hill Can't Hurt Me — David Goggins Atomic Habits — James Clear (referenced) So without further delay, please enjoy this episode, and let me know what you think! Guest Contact Info: Instagram: @bigdreamhakeem 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

Today I am joined by Brett Eaton, who is a motivational speaker, high performance coach, and the best selling author of "Uncomfortable Either Way: The Blueprint For Building Confidence Through Discomfort". You might think that he doesn't fit the typical guest profile, but Brett's expertise on building confidence, behavior change, identity shifts, and building momentum - are the foundational building blocks of sobriety. In this episode we talk about: ✅ How accepting discomfort leads to change ✅ The importance of micro-commitments ✅ Why focusing on the wins is critical to recovery ✅ The antidote to perfectionism ✅ How to rebuild self-trust after years of self-betrayal And so much more! He was so much fun to talk to, his energy is so contagious, I can't wait for you to meet him! Before we jump in, just a quick announcement: I am hosting a new meeting through the OpenRecovery App! It's like having an AI sober coach in your pocket, but now has a HUGE community feature with some of the most influential thought leaders in the recovery space. Sign up for free and join "The 12 Step Group For Skeptics". It's a safe space to explore challenging topics, intended to help you make progress in the steps, and make some new sober friends in the process. It's every Wednesday on Zoom at 4pm PST / 7pm EST. Some of the groups have a ton of members, and I'm super competitive, so join me and help me win this imaginary race! I can't wait to see you there! Guest Contact Info: bretteaton.com Buy The Book: https://amzn.to/4pfawTm 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

In this powerful and deeply honest conversation, I sit down with David Shamszad, author of I Am Someone You Know: The Fight for Recovery and Mental Health, to talk about the hidden pain behind high-functioning addiction, growing up in an alcoholic home, and the courage it takes to heal. David shares his journey through childhood trauma, undiagnosed bipolar disorder, suicidal ideation, and eventual recovery, revealing how vulnerability and self-care became his path to freedom. We explore the power of telling your story, breaking cycles of generational trauma, and how choosing courage—moment by moment—can transform a life. 👉 If you've ever felt "high-functioning but secretly falling apart," this episode will speak directly to your soul. Before we get to it, it's time for "I have a question for you!" where you get to share your thoughts with the thousands of people listening to the podcast, across the world. Last week I asked about self-forgiveness with the question "What do you need to let go of?" What was interesting about the responses, is that they ALL came through DM's! I think there's still a lot of shame about things that are hard to let go of, but here are some of the responses. James sent me a DM on Instagram saying "Things I did before I got sober. There are people I can't make amends to." Tammy messaged me to say "Anger towards my ex! I wish he wasn't so controlling. He always makes everything so hard!" Ezra shared "I have to let go of the idea that I'll ever be able to drink normally." We all struggle with letting go at times, but the old cliche is true. The level of our serenity is in direct proportion to the level of our acceptance. For me, self-forgiveness is a practice that helps me let go of things I can't control. This week's question is about family. Thanksgiving is next week and for a lot of people, it's a stressful time. There's an old saying that family can push your buttons because they're the ones that installed them. So my question for you is "If you're spending Thanksgiving with your family, how will you take care of yourself if you feel triggered?" Share your thoughts on instagram and follow my account arlinaallen or odaatpodcast So without further delay, please enjoy this episode, and let me know what you think! 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast