Two Librans

And we’re back, finally and we finally finish covering a song for once, the dense and mutli-part Y.F.O.C. / Slippy Floor. You can catch up on the first part, but the lyrics don’t make a hell of a lot of sense anyway.For our next episode, we have a sEcRet special guest 🤫 and it’ll be a bit of a soft reboot for the show. Till then, enjoy a classic digression-fest with two men bickering intercontinentally.Since it’s the same damn song, let’s put in an alternative mix at least. It’s not very good, but it’s different.ALSO DISCUSSEDHappy 100th birthday to the term “Late Stage Capitalism”🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂Black SethTHIS CHANGES EVERYTHINGIs Slippy Toad a Furry?Listeners, let us know.The Man with the FishThe surprising link between Roy Cohn, Lionel Trains, and Neil YoungHappy New Year from Club ZPS.Roman had a new graphic novel coming out from Fantagraphics last month and it’s already sold out, which has nothing to do with the publisher printing a very modest number of copies. You can still find it in shops, but hurry up. Guaranteed to be a collector’s item. Roman also finished the latest Resident Evil game and had difficult feelings about it:Tom doesn’t have a goddamn thing to report. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com

Today we are covering several terrible songs by probably the worst ex-member (although the membership itself is disputed) of the Fall, E* Bl*n*y. We censored his name because he seems like the sort of person who googles himself, and I don’t think there’s a single kind word said about him in this whole episode. So, E*, if you stumbled upon this, just walk away. You have a life, a family, and a career. This is just a tiny podcast made by practitioners of the lowest artform in history.For everyone else, prepare to explore the wild world of this guy, as well as various forums and obscure musical review sites, where E*’s mates have gone out of their way to write something positive about his “skronking wonk bonk.”Note: This video is age-restricted for pretty graphic real-life war footage. It should also be taste-restricted for being utter shit.This is a bit of an unusual, ‘proper’ podcast, where we ‘do a journalism’ and go deep down a rabbit hole of mediocrity, instead of just endlessly derailing each other. It’s the NPR of Two Librans, except actually good.ALSO DISCUSSEDPascal Le Gras’s cover artHonking Skronk Rock recorded at a rented house in HolmfirthAnother act from the Manchester Bl*n*y-verseSeriously, who in the hell IS this guy?!Mark hits a nadirProto-Blaney from Fast ShowEric Clapton on his racist past: “I just thought it was funny”PS.Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks!Roman has a new graphic novel coming up on Feb.24th from Fantagraphics. And if you’re in London, you can get it signed on Feb.26th at Gosh Comics.Tom has nothing to plug on his ‘stack, he’s still slowly working on his comic and his prints. Follow him on Instagram, why don’cha? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com

WARNING, INFANT!If you came to the pod looking for informed Fall commentary, this episode might not be the best place to start. It was ostensibly to be about the Fall-filler “classic” Papal Visit, but things got badly derailed when we discussed our European adventure together earlier this year. If you’re looking for a decent introduction to our somewhat-Fall-related banter, check out our recent recent ep on Bonkers in Phoenix. Otherwise, enjoy the travelogue!As a result, the least-deserving song in the Fall catalogue is a two-episode special, so stay tuned.LADZ ON TOURWe’re going over our first and last pub crawl pilgrimage to Manchester, and get derailed into discussing beastmodes, Leigh Bowery at the Tate, sensitive actor Pedro Pascal, early British indie games, bouncy castles and other worthy matters.ALSO DISCUSSEDLS Lowry 360 experienceVR ColonoscopyLeigh BowerySHUT UP, LITTLE MAN!That egg gateDizzyRoman’s scenic death marchA bouncy castle near a church (church was on the left)The Mancunian NeckbeardThe semi-official MES pub crawlHoney, we have Cuphead at homeBank Holidays in ManchesterBEAST MODEPS.Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks.Roman is back with an exciting new Terrible Father adventure:Tom is still cranking away furiously on his comic, and you can read the last installment with its proper formatting.PPS.From one of the lavatories. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com

Howdy-ho, fellow and honorary Librans, to a brand-spankin’-new episode we recorded months ago! Now that we’ve crossed the threshold into winter, it’s a great time to release an episode that we recorded in late spring and said will “probably come out this summer.” When Tom heard that while editing the episode it made him very sad! He looked outside at the frosty gray day from his millennial gray apartment. He then looked back at Adobe Audition and started sobbing. Poor Tom.But Tom was rapidly filled with cheer as he realized this was the episode where we discuss…BRITISH PEOPLE IN HOT WEATHERYes, what better time to share a song about summer than in the middle of the winter of our diss-content? This banging tune will certainly warm you up, whatever cold region you might be currently inhabiting.Mark brings himself to giggles singing about how poorly the British handle the heat in this weird B-Side released around the time he went through a divorce and recorded Extricate. It might be their most spite-fueled album, which is really saying something when you consider their catalogue, and it’s nice to hear Mark get a little silly in this pretty throw-away track.ALSO DISCUSSEDSpending the summer with Tom Hank’s son (really.)No joke, this is Tom Hank’s sonFellow faux-Jamaican-Patoi lover, Adrian BrodySound of the Summer.Kubrik’s scene compositions in Barry Lyndon This great interview with Robert Crumb at the 92nd St. Y (if you listen closely you can hear Tom laughing in the audience!)The intensely disturbing Claymation film The Adventures of Mark TwainHere, watch the whole fuckin’ movie!Roman’s very short career in Facebook gamesPS.Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman recently came back from France with some very French comics to show.And whoa! Tom is writing comics again! Holy shit, you’d better subscribe so you can READ THE WHOLE BOOK as he slowly draws it! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com

Are you feeling parched? Well, it’s time for another Two Librans episode, so open your cake holes and we’ll douse you from our content firehose! Before we start to discuss The Fall, which is ostensibly the subject of this podcast, we start the episode with a new, short-lived and deeply problematic segment dubbed “The Dog House” (a.k.a. “the Meat is Back”) in which we wanted to go over the latest breakups in comics scene, for all the single minglers out there. We cut almost all of it, out of respect for our colleagues.MEIN DYKHOFFOnce we get that out of our systems, we get to the real subject of today’s episode, a discussion of the classic track Lie Dream of a Casino Soul.Adorned with classic Savage Pencil art, this non-album single slaps in every possible way, from the pling-plong keyboards to the lyrics, which are discussed to no end and no point on The Annotated Fall.There’s a lot of bickering in the comments there until, on the seventy-ninth comment, someone posts the lyrics, written by Marc E. Smith himself, scanned for a Omega Auction of his estate:So there you have it, he doesn’t say “So I think I’ll cut my dick off”, he says “I think I’ll cut my Dykhoff”, which makes zero sense.NEW FACTS EMERGEOh, but does he? When putting together these notes months after the recordings, we came across another Omega auction with the lyrics to the song, with hand-written additions by Marc. So this will remain a mystery until we use AI to resurrect Marc so we can ask him ourselves. Get on it, Zuckenberg!ALSO DISCUSSEDThe great Savage Pencil (who is still alive)SavX’s badass artwork for Big Black’s (middling) Headache EP… which replaced the original, truly reprehensible packaging conceived by the original edgelord, Steve Albini (do not look this up).They’re just pumpkins.It’s just a cheeseburger (squint).Okay, Gooner.How do you celebrate 3/11?Chechnya in Cars 2Marc Bell invented The Minions, period.Jeffrey Lewis’s terrific Legend of the FallPS.Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman has become public domain, apparently.Also, his new book is up for preorder! Don’t miss his sombre side with this one.And whoa! Tom finished his portfolio, fucking finally! Mostly professional animation work but also has some of his drawings and prints. And he’s working on a new comic, he swears!http://tvd.designHe’s also going to start his blog again, he swears!https://substack.com/@tomvandeusen This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com

Hello and welcome back to Two Librans, a podcast hosted by the “least empathetic cartoonists of the last 20 years”. Today marks our 12th episode, and to celebrate wee-’re introducing an exciting new segment which you won’t want to piss miss! So grab a big beverage, hold it down with your #1 favorite podcast!A GUITAR LINE WITH A “GREEK MOTIF”Roman’s pick this week is Theme From Sparta F.C., a banger track from “The Real New Fall L.P. Formerly ‘Country on the Click’”, which is a surprisingly good album despite the horrendous title. Roman, the commensurate jock of the show, insisted we not only cover a song related to his favorite sport of “footie”. Get your fuckin’ bitch-ass ready for a testosterone-fueled bro down! WOOF WOOF!!ALSO DISCUSSEDMark E. Smith reads the weeks’ football results and it’s HILARIOUS!!!Fred Durst Breaks Stuff for 9/11Our favorite Nelly tracksBono doesn’t just suck at musicThis band had this name in 1998 and that was considered okay. Oh wait, they’re still a band and haven’t changed their names.Prince Vincent GalloThe back cover of Roman’s next bookNow on YouTube too!Attn: Gen Z! It’s time to revisit the classic eps with YouTube video content. You won’t see us, but you can probably have a great time vegging out to the trippy video loops.PS.Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman has put out two new Terrible Father adventures, on sleep and smell.Tom’s busy working on a comic and redoing his website, but you can catch up on his Substack, which will eventually cover his agony getting back into comics This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com

Welcome to the TENTH episode of your favorite podcaster’s favorite podcast, Two Librans. We’ve spent the better part of a week together on a European holiday, and haven’t killed each other quite yet, and even managed to finally edit another episode, based on this certified banger:We both agree it’s about living in squalor, but both Roman and the weirdos at The Annotated Fall think it has something to do with Mark E. Smith expecting the previous tenant of his flat to leave a belt for him to wear when the move out (?). There are plenty of demented theories in the comments, and we ride along on their leaps of logic till they become too stupid to deal with.This week’s episode is also our new format! From here on out we’re only going to cover one topic or song. It’s shorter! This one is a 1hr! 1hr! 1hr! Enduction ep. This is also our first episode with an HR complaint, as we navigate the tricky world of slack-based workspace bullying. ALSO DISCUSSEDMark Zuckerberg’s NeckRoman brags about eating charcoal for some reasonWomen of the World Take Over the PodJeffrey Lewis’s fun “documentary” on The FallMiami Review of ComicsDrew Lerman’s proper comics podcast which has no mention of astrology or the Fall (which is why it’s not as good as ours). A recent episode of it may’ve been sampled into nonsense in this ep (the real thing is much more sober and informative than what we do here).PS.Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman recently got hospitalized (he’s fine-ish now) and improvised some demented comics about the oldest profession.And Tom is about to post pretty long travelogue series on his trip to Europe, including lots of shocking and disturbing revelations about Roman that MIGHT end our friendship! Subscribe so you don’t miss one juicy bit. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com

This marks our first child-themed episode, and it runs the gauntlet from how to dress your child, horrible movies your children will demand to watch, mistakes your child can make when under the influence of Rock and Roll music, and of course, the song Spoilt Victorian Child.Truly one of The Fall’s great “bangers”, frontloading the already excellent This Nation’s Saving Grace. We have a nuanced conversation about the lyrics, which are relatively straightforward by Fall standards. Also, we miss some very obvious references. Have any guesses as to what “SVC” could stand for in this song? Tune in to hear us take an entire episode to figure it out!We also go back to school and cover Tom’s hit lists and Roman’s enormous genitals on the pages of Nikolai Gogol’s Dead Souls. Ah, youth..A DIP INTO THE COMMENTS CESSPOOLWe’ve danced around the petty, strange world of the comments accompanying the “annotations” on the Annotated Fall, but this week we do a deep dive into their chatter about “SVC”. We read aloud a very stupid, petty argument among grown men over the lyrics to the song, before someone posts the lyrics sheet as listed in the official single, almost as if it’s an irrelevant aside.ALSO COVEREDGaston Bachelard vs Fletcher HanksFantagraphics childwear(still for sale at the moment of writing)Fuck Al/Fuck AITom’s college classmatesThe revolution will begin with Limp BizkitRobert Christgau, “The Dean of American Rock Critics”Tom’s Hit ListThe only reason to visit Bethesda, MarylandPSAs always, don’t forget to follow our own substacks.Tom’s been writing weekly about “making art” in the screenprinting studio, and also documenting his terrific dietary habits.Roman recently posted some very dumb cartoons, and the very first one of these you can hear being riffed out in one of the upcoming episodes. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com

…in which these men discuss crime (cyber, and regular), gloryholes, the manosphere, and The Fall, ft. Caitlin MoranWhy hello there, did you miss us? We're back from a short hiatus you may or may not have noticed. We have both been incredibly busy with outside projects (also Tom was very sick), and discovered that keeping a weekly schedule was slowly ruining us. So, if we miss a week, please go back and catch up on any episodes you may have missed. Do not listen to any other podcasts.This week we cover an obscure track that’s only appeared on bootlegged live performances or tacked on as a bonus track on reissues, “That Man.” It’s a somewhat obnoxious song that neither of us particularly like, and the mealy-mouthed explanation of why Tom chose it falls apart pretty quickly as the discussion progresses. Even the unlovable goofballs on the now defunct Annotated Fall disapprove. Nevertheless, because we are covering everything Mark E. Smith ever penned, we do a full lyrical analysis of this stupid song, and discover it’s rife with extremely-specific Manchester references and (according to the Annotated Fall) William Blake references? Sure, buddy.And this being Two Librans, our discourse flies off the handle. In addition to That Man, These Men discuss Chuck E. Cheese, South American retreats for adherents to the Manosphere, glory holes (quite a bit on this actually), and Cyber Punishment for Cyber Crimes. Also: Tom plays a kazoo.DO YOU LIKE SEXThis week’s interview is from some awful television show called Naked City, where host Caitlin Moran tries to drum up controversy with an extremely bemused and increasingly drunk Mark E. Smith.Perhaps the best part is when he’s asked who his favorite comedian is, and he answers Bernard Manning, an English comedian and nightclub owner whose sense of humor resembles your racist uncle telling jokes to try to impress uncles even more racist than him. He looks and sounds like an anthropomorphic jowl, so good luck trying to understand the clips they play of him blathering about immigrants or women or something.The whole interview has a strange, 90s Vaseline sheen, and is so oddly-produced that it’s pretty entertaining.ALSO COVEREDTranslated Russian dubs from the Soviet eraVERY heterosexual men's retreats, no vegans welcomePreventative measures for glory holes in SeattleNote: this is a photo Tom took in 2012 of the bathroom he discusses in Volunteer ParkBonus: Here’s a comic he scribbled out at a drink-and-draw night in 2016 that features it:Tom teaches Roman about Chuck-E-Cheese / Dave & BustersTom’s cousin’s MTV reality show about modelsPorn-’n-Chicken Night at the Old Pink in Buffalo (RIP)The difference between Love & LustRussian pirate labels listed on AllmusicRoman steals a question from Caitlin Moran in his comicPSAs always, don’t forget to follow our personal substacks! Roman recently wrote a manifesto no-one asked for: This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com

A thorough discussion on a classic track(s) from Hex Enduction Hour, the most cantankerous and irresponsible interview to ever appear on Australian children’s television, and some Dangerous Truths from a Special Guest Host!We’re closing out 2024 with a BANG, covering an absolute classic: Winter (Hostel-Maxi) from 1981’s Hex Enduction Hour. We discuss why the song was split in two, dissect the (many) lyrics, and pull some demented theories from the bottomless depths of the world’s most useless, defunct website, The Annotated Fall, all with newfound swagger on the mic and crispy-clean audio quality. Around halfway through our discussion we encounter a shocking revelation, which will continue into Episode 5 next week!NEW YEAR NEW HOST2024 was the year our humble podcast splashed out of the womb, and as a thank you for sticking with us this far, we also had on our first Mystery Guest Host, who delivers some Dangerous Truths that might rip you out of your comfort zone and question the values you hold so dear. We also veer into legthy discussions of the The Fall’s responsibilty for the entirity of modern Icelandic music, problematic terms for German prog music, and the live-action Disney remakes of their classic animated films.MARK VS. MARCThis week’s interview is from the Australian program(me) “Sounds”, hosted by the genuinely charming Donnie Sutherland. His charm is countered by two men who had gotten into a literal fistfight the evening before; MES and Marc “Happy Fall Guitarist” Riley. Why they decided to have this duo on exclusively for the interview after Marc gave Mark a well-deserved, nasty shiner (poorly hidden by heavy makeup) is anyone’s guess, but Donnie powers through the interview like a true pro and wins them over by the end. It’s capped by him recommending Hex Enduction Hour to Australia’s youth, which is not only hilarious but socially irresponsible. ALSO COVEREDThe only way the French know how to pay tributeEducating ZoomersGod-teir song-ending fake-outs“The book was better!” and similar tropesPLUGS AND FALSE PROMISESRoman made some very generous promises about sweepstakes prizes this week, and to raise money he’s selling a beautiful new, branded ballcap on his award-winning Substack, DADA issues.And please smash a like, subscribe and a ding-ding-ding for Tom’s personal Substack, which he promises will be updated soon with “content”. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com

Welcome back to the Two Librans, the only podcast that is brave enough to criticize the French and their lacivious ways. This week we are covering our namesake, “Two Librans”, from the 2000 album The Unutterable.Roman decided to shrink himself down to record this episode from inside a toilet bowl, so the audio quality on his end is rather echoey and there’s a bit of clipping in one portion. We sincerely apologize and have since gotten that sorted. The next one is better, and the one after is even better than that.With our new name, we tap into our “Libra Moods”, and discuss all sorts of non-Fall subject matter. This includes a lengthy discussion on the wildly unhinged Russian version of Wheel of Fortune, Field of Wonder. Strap on in.INTERVIEWThis week’s interview takes place on the infamous “Red Sofa” with Lauren Laverne, who tries to make things cheeky and fun but is swatted down by a particularly pissy MES. The audience in the background is made up of children who seem bored and confused. We forgot they’re even there until they chuckle at something Mark says over three minutes in. A great time was had by all. ALSO COVEREDFunereal disrespectMark E. Smith’s BEE MOVIE prophecy“Chimps are funny.” Jerry gives us a glimpse at his manuscripts from the Library of CongressHugo RemasteredThe Russian TV intro animation that terrified Roman as a childThe Field of Wonders, everyone!The only group that captured the true essence of The FallRoman’s animated take on the Russian Field of Fortune and other traumatic TV memoriesPS. Don’t forget to subscribe to Roman’s award-winning personal substack, DADA issues.P.P.S Don’t forget to subscribe to Tom’s non-award-winning but still pretty funny personal substack, the beautifully named Tom Van Deusen's Blog. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com