Unspoken Emotions

Tina Yarger was 18 years old when she lost her father. Before that grief had anywhere to settle, she lost a childhood friend. And then she lost her mother too. She was the oldest. Everyone needed her to be okay. So she held it together, functioned, achieved, built a life. And for ten years, the grief went underground and stayed there. It didn't surface in a therapy room or a quiet moment of reflection. It surfaced in a training room during her clinical counselling internship, in a question about her mother that she expected to answer easily. And the pause that followed changed everything. In this conversation Tina talks about what grief looks like when it has nowhere to go, the ten years of living a double life on the surface, the anger she wasn't allowed to feel, and why grief can't be healed but does get quieter. Tina Yarger is a licensed professional counsellor, a pastor and an author. She has now built her entire life around helping others with exactly what she carried alone for a decade. This episode is for anyone who has ever kept functioning when falling apart would have been the more honest thing to do. TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Opening - what happens to grief when life doesn't give it any room 01:18 Welcome to Tina Yarger 01:38 Who Tina was before the losses - the seemingly perfect childhood 03:12 What was underneath the seeming 04:21 Her dad - who he was to her 05:44 Losing her father at 18 - the first few hours 07:01 Delivering the news to her younger brothers 07:57 A childhood friend lost in the same period 09:18 Losing her mother - grief on top of grief on top of grief 11:38 Why she couldn't deal with the emotions at the time 12:35 What paused grief actually looked like day to day 13:54 The weight of being the oldest and holding it together 14:28 What the drinking and parties were doing for her emotionally 15:44 What paused grief feels like from the inside 17:39 Ten years of functioning while empty 18:12 When the grief finally surfaced 19:00 The training room - the question she wasn't expecting 21:00 Looking at the story with honour and honesty 22:29 The anger she never allowed herself to feel 24:07 Grieving what was never there, not just what was lost 25:16 Walking out of the training room - what changed 26:02 Becoming a therapist, pastor and author 31:59 What she wishes someone had told the 18-year-old version of her 34:04 Grief can't be healed - but the frequency decreases 35:04 For the woman still functioning on the surface 36:09 The unspoken emotion - anger 37:21 If the 18-year-old Tina could see who she is now 38:17 Rachel's closing HELPLINES | UK - Cruse Bereavement Support: 0808 808 1677 or cruse.org.uk UK - Samaritans: 116 123 US - GriefShare: griefshare.org US - 988 Lifeline: call or text 988 My Free Guide: https://unspokenemotions.co.uk/free-guide CONNECT WITH THE GUEST Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/1BaE5MLdMn/?mibextid=wwXIfr Tiktok: Tina Yarger | GUIDED BY GRACE (@tinayarger) | TikTok Book: Roots That Remain: Life After Grief: Yarger, Tina: 9798245490441: Amazon.com: Books Email: tina@mendingrootspp.com To connect with your host, follow Me HERE: Insta:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/rachel_unspokenemotions/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.tiktok.com/@rachel.unspoken.em⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email: ⁠⁠⁠rachel@unspokenemotions.co.uk⁠⁠⁠ Facebook:⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/rachel.elimelech⁠⁠⁠ To Buy Rachel a Coffee:⁠ ⁠⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/unspokenemotions⁠⁠⁠ LinkedIn:⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-elimelech-a07a1a46/⁠⁠⁠ HOST BIO Rachel Elimelech is the warm, courageous voice behind Unspoken Emotions - a podcast that gives voice to the feelings we so often keep buried. A qualified Solicitor and Higher Court Advocate, Rachel combines professional insight with deeply personal lived experience - from surviving sexual abuse, loss, and single parenthood to rebuilding her life with quiet strength and unwavering resilience. Her journey from teenage single mum to respected legal professional has shaped her gift for deep connection. With empathy and authenticity, Rachel creates a safe, judgment-free space where guests are invited to speak the unspoken - grief, guilt, shame, anger, fear - and begin to let go of what no longer serves them. Through honest, unfiltered conversations, Unspoken Emotions explores how real people have turned pain into purpose and silence into healing. Rachel believes that healing begins the moment we speak the truth of our experiences - and that none of us should carry our emotions alone.

In this episode, Rachel sits down with author and motivational speaker Craig Satkovsky to explore a life defined by radical survival and profound rebuilding. Craig opens up about the emotional battles often hidden beneath a person's visible strength, from surviving childhood molestation and teenage drug addiction to facing a series of life-threatening cancer diagnoses in his adult years. KEY TAKEAWAYS The Power of "Dark Work": True healing requires looking directly at past traumas - what Craig calls "dark work" to remove the emotional attachment from the story rather than just trying to forget it. Self-Accountability in Healing: Rebuilding your life is an individual responsibility. Craig emphasizes that while seeking help is vital, you must ultimately be the hero of your own journey. Regulating Biochemistry: Craig shares how he utilized mindset, frequency, and epigenetics to manage physical and mental pain, transitioning from a state of being "medicated" to being "coherent." Vulnerability as a Superpower: Especially for men, the willingness to be vulnerable and humble is a strength that prevents the "machismo" that often leads to internal collapse. Living in the Present: By letting go of the "old version" of himself, Craig illustrates that the future is just a theory. True life and peace are found only by showing up fully in the present moment. BEST MOMENTS "It’s always better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener at war. I believe we’re at war with ourselves every day mentally." "You have to go 'in-sane' in order to straighten your mind out." "The person you’ve always wanted to become is waiting for you to show up." "I used to think I was a liability until I realized I was an asset." "I’m here to disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed." To connect with your host, follow Me HERE: Insta:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/rachel_unspokenemotions/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.tiktok.com/@rachel.unspoken.em⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email: ⁠⁠⁠rachel@unspokenemotions.co.uk⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/rachel.elimelech⁠⁠ To Buy Rachel a Coffee: ⁠⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/unspokenemotions⁠⁠ LinkedIn: ⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-elimelech-a07a1a46/⁠⁠

In this deeply moving episode, Rachel sits down with Jess Marie, host of the Unapologetically Overcoming podcast, to explore the complex and often disenfranchised journey of sibling loss. Following the sudden death of her younger sister, Hillary, Jess found her world and her identity completely reshaped. Jess shares the raw reality of moving from being the "positive advice-giver" to a person navigating intense anger, shame, and a total loss of self. KEY TAKEAWAYS Grief Reshapes Identity: Losing a sibling often means losing a primary witness to your life and a key part of your own identity The Power of Silent Presence: Often, the most helpful support isn't found in "tidy explanations" or advice, but in friends who are willing to sit in silence so the griever isn't alone. Disenfranchised Sibling Grief: Sibling loss is frequently overlooked or minimized, with survivors often told to "be strong for their parents," which can lead to suppressed emotions and delayed processing. Permission to Experience Joy: It is vital to understand that feeling happy or experiencing joy does not mean you have stopped grieving or forgotten the person you lost. Honesty Over Performance: Vulnerability, such as Jess's choice to share her struggles on social media, can break the cycle of performance and allow for true connection with others who feel alone in their pain. BEST MOMENTS "Grief is not something that people talk about a lot... people are uncomfortable talking about it, they don't know what to say, they don't know what to do." "It’s okay to not say anything... sometimes just having someone there with you so you’re not alone is enough." "I lost the identity of who I was... Who am I now that I'm not Hillary's big sister?" "We walk around pretending to be versions of ourselves that we’re not because we think that’s how we’re supposed to show up in the world." "Just because you’re happy doesn’t mean that you’re not grieving anymore... it’s okay to be happy even when you’re grieving." To connect with Jess Marie: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/unapologetically-overcoming/id1625971200 To connect with your host, follow Me HERE: Insta:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/rachel_unspokenemotions/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.tiktok.com/@rachel.unspoken.em⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email: ⁠⁠⁠rachel@unspokenemotions.co.uk⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/rachel.elimelech⁠⁠ To Buy Rachel a Coffee: ⁠⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/unspokenemotions⁠⁠ LinkedIn: ⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-elimelech-a07a1a46/⁠⁠ HOST BIO Rachel Elimelech is the warm, courageous voice behind Unspoken Emotions - a podcast that gives voice to the feelings we so often keep buried. A qualified Solicitor and Higher Court Advocate, Rachel combines professional insight with deeply personal lived experience - from surviving sexual abuse, loss, and single parenthood to rebuilding her life with quiet strength and unwavering resilience. Her journey from teenage single mum to respected legal professional has shaped her gift for deep connection. With empathy and authenticity, Rachel creates a safe, judgment-free space where guests are invited to speak the unspoken - grief, guilt, shame, anger, fear - and begin to let go of what no longer serves them. Through honest, unfiltered conversations, Unspoken Emotions explores how real people have turned pain into purpose and silence into healing. Rachel believes that healing begins the moment we speak the truth of our experiences - and that none of us should carry our emotions alone.

In this illuminating episode, Rachel sits down with Charlotte Haggie, a resilience specialist for high-achieving working mothers. Charlotte shares her personal journey from a "frenetic" corporate life to a more grounded, authentic existence, illustrating that the "perform-to-belong" rules many high-achievers live by are not only exhausting but can be safely dismantled. KEY TAKEAWAYS The "Perform to Belong" Trap: Many high-achievers live by unwritten rules where their sense of belonging is tied directly to their performance and success. The Power of Curiosity: Transformation starts with being curious about your own internal landscape and questioning why you feel driven to behave in certain ways. Internal vs. External Chaos: Internal peace is the foundation for a sustainable external life; without it, external success often feels like a fragile facade. Self-Trust is a Skill: Building self-trust happens through small, consistent acts—like drinking a glass of water every morning—which prove to your nervous system that you can follow through for yourself. Co-Regulation as a Gift: By mastering your own internal state, you can positively influence the nervous systems of those around you, especially your children. BEST MOMENTS "Something feels tight, rushed, or anxious—like you're holding your breath through your own life." "We think that this is just the way that life is... that I'm going to walk out of my gate, smile, and put on this facade, and yet inside there is this chaos." "The interesting thing about the false identities that drive this behavior is that they convince you that they're actually serving you." "I'm not scared of dying; I'm scared of feeling like this for the rest of my life." "If I can regulate myself, I can co-regulate with my children... that is such a beautiful gift we can give the world." To connect with your host, follow Me HERE: Insta:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/rachel_unspokenemotions/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.tiktok.com/@rachel.unspoken.em⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email: ⁠⁠⁠rachel@unspokenemotions.co.uk⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/rachel.elimelech⁠⁠ To Buy Rachel a Coffee: ⁠⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/unspokenemotions⁠⁠ LinkedIn: ⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-elimelech-a07a1a46/⁠⁠ HOST BIO Rachel Elimelech is the warm, courageous voice behind Unspoken Emotions - a podcast that gives voice to the feelings we so often keep buried. A qualified Solicitor and Higher Court Advocate, Rachel combines professional insight with deeply personal lived experience - from surviving sexual abuse, loss, and single parenthood to rebuilding her life with quiet strength and unwavering resilience. Her journey from teenage single mum to respected legal professional has shaped her gift for deep connection. With empathy and authenticity, Rachel creates a safe, judgment-free space where guests are invited to speak the unspoken - grief, guilt, shame, anger, fear - and begin to let go of what no longer serves them. Through honest, unfiltered conversations, Unspoken Emotions explores how real people have turned pain into purpose and silence into healing. Rachel believes that healing begins the moment we speak the truth of our experiences - and that none of us should carry our emotions alone.

In this episode, Rachel engages in a heartfelt conversation with therapist and coach Blair Pfeiffer, who shares her deeply personal journey of navigating childhood differences, a violent relationship, and the complexities of unexpected motherhood through open adoption. Blair reflects on her late diagnosis of ADHD in her late 30s, coinciding with the onset of perimenopause, which brought clarity to her past struggles and experiences. KEY TAKEAWAYS Validation Through Diagnosis: Receiving a late diagnosis of ADHD in her late 30s provided a sense of validation and clarity, helping to explain lifelong struggles and experiences that had previously felt isolating and confusing. Importance of Supportive Relationships: Building strong friendships and support systems was crucial during challenging times, such as navigating a violent relationship and an unexpected pregnancy. Therapeutic Fit Matters: Finding the right therapist is essential for effective therapy. It's important to keep searching until a good match is found, as the therapeutic relationship can significantly impact healing and personal development. Empowerment Through Vulnerability: Sharing personal experiences in therapy can foster deeper connections and understanding between the therapist and client, allowing for more effective communication and healing. Navigating Life Changes: Major life events, such as pregnancy and the transition into perimenopause, can be overwhelming but also provide opportunities for growth and self-discovery, especially when supported by understanding and compassionate individuals. BEST MOMENTS "I was a shell of myself. I really wasn't fully who I was... I was severely depressed and I had PTSD." "I always knew I had ADHD... but never got treated for it, never got medicated for it." "I didn't want her to have to struggle because I was struggling. I wanted her to have a fulfilling life." "If at any point this isn't a good fit, you let me know." "I was like, I could help people. I'm going to go back to school. I'm going to become a therapist." TO CONNECT WITH BLAIR https://www.instagram.com/blairpfeiffercoaching/ To connect with your host, follow Me HERE: Insta:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/rachel_unspokenemotions/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.tiktok.com/@rachel.unspoken.em⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email: ⁠⁠⁠rachel@unspokenemotions.co.uk⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/rachel.elimelech⁠⁠ To Buy Rachel a Coffee: ⁠⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/unspokenemotions⁠⁠ LinkedIn: ⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-elimelech-a07a1a46/⁠⁠ HOST BIO Rachel Elimelech is the warm, courageous voice behind Unspoken Emotions - a podcast that gives voice to the feelings we so often keep buried. A qualified Solicitor and Higher Court Advocate, Rachel combines professional insight with deeply personal lived experience - from surviving sexual abuse, loss, and single parenthood to rebuilding her life with quiet strength and unwavering resilience. Her journey from teenage single mum to respected legal professional has shaped her gift for deep connection. With empathy and authenticity, Rachel creates a safe, judgment-free space where guests are invited to speak the unspoken - grief, guilt, shame, anger, fear - and begin to let go of what no longer serves them. Through honest, unfiltered conversations, Unspoken Emotions explores how real people have turned pain into purpose and silence into healing. Rachel believes that healing begins the moment we speak the truth of our experiences - and that none of us should carry our emotions alone.