Coaching Culture

Billy Armstrong wants every player he coaches to chase one truly impossible goal.In part two of this conversation, three years after his first appearance on the podcast, Bergen Catholic head coach Billy Armstrong digs into the goal-setting philosophy behind his program's vision: making Bergen the best place to play high school basketball in America. Billy explains why he pushes players toward impossible goals instead of realistic ones, why every player builds a quit list before setting any goal, and why becoming elite at anything requires doing fewer things, not more.If you missed part one, start there for the personal transformation behind all of this. Either way, this is a coach thinking seriously about what he's building and why.Chapters(00:00) Intro: The Vision Behind the Program(01:31) The Impossible Goal(07:21) What Every Athlete Should Experience(10:32) Why Over Who(11:59) The Quit List(16:04) Consumption and the Elite Mindset(18:57) Elite Means Doing Fewer Things(21:48) You Can't Coach Mad(26:25) Getting Brutally Honest(31:10) The Backpack ExerciseTOC 3-2-13 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 ResourceYour fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas."Bigger goals create bigger people."- Billy Armstrong"In order to be elite at anything, you've got to do fewer things in life."- Billy Armstrong"You can't coach mad. Everybody you coach is somebody's pride and joy."- Billy Armstrong2 Questions for Your TeamQ1: What is your one impossible goal, and who do you need to become to get closer to it?Q2: What's one thing on your quit list that would buy you back the most time and energy this week?1 Resource to Go DeeperSoundtracks by Jon AcuffJP references this book's filter for the thoughts that keep coaches from having hard conversations: is it true, is it kind, is it helpful.Find it on Amazon hereKey TakeawaysEveryone Needs One Impossible GoalAsk Who, Not WhyThe Quit List Comes Before the Goal ListElite Means Doing Fewer Things, Not MoreBrutal Self-Honesty Ended the AvoidancePut the Backpack DownGet the notes and tools:tocculture.comJoin TOC Coach, community, courses, and live coaching:tocculture.comIf you missed part one, catch it at tocculture.com.Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

A standard isn't a standard unless it's enforced. That's the line JP Nerbun keeps coming back to in this solo episode, his first since the podcast's earliest days back in 2017.JP unpacks twelve mistakes transformational coaches make, opening with the story of Anson Dorrance, the UNC women's soccer coach who paired relationship-building with ruthless competition, and closing with the story of a former player, Akeel, whose season turned around once the team held the line.This one is for coaches who've leaned hard into building relationships and empowering players, and who might be ready to hear where that approach needs more edge, not less.Chapters(00:00) Intro: The Anson Dorrance Story(03:30) Why JP Is Going Solo Today(05:30) The 2016 Standards Story(09:00) Mistakes 1-2: Winning and Intensity(12:30) Mistakes 3-4: Self-Esteem, Belonging(18:00) Mistakes 5-6: Happiness, Playing Hero(21:30) Mistakes 7-8: Goals, Price to Belong(25:00) Mistakes 9-10: Life Beyond Sports(28:00) Mistakes 11-12: No Real ConsequencesTOC 3-2-13 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 ResourceYour fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas."A standard isn't a standard unless it's enforced."JP Nerbun"Shut the door and make them open it."JP Nerbun"Empathy without accountability is a short-sighted attempt to relieve human suffering."Anna Lembke, quoted by JP Nerbun2 Questions for Your TeamQ1: Where in our program do we say we have a standard, but haven't actually enforced it this season?Q2: What's the price to belong on this team right now, and is it high enough that being here actually means something?1 Resource to Go DeeperInside Out Coaching by Joe EhrmannOne of the foundational books on transformational coaching, and the source of the "Messiah complex" idea JP references in this episode.Search "Inside Out Coaching Joe Ehrmann" wherever you buy books.Key TakeawaysWinning Still Matters for Transformational CoachesA Standard Isn't Real Until It's EnforcedYou Can't Give Players Self-Esteem, They Have to Earn ItReal Consequences, Not Just Hard ConversationsThe Price to Belong Has to Be High Enough to MatterGet the notes and tools:tocculture.comJoin TOC Coach, community, courses, and live coaching:tocculture.comBetter Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

What happens after you finally admit the grind stopped working? That is where part two of this conversation with journalist Lindsay Crouse picks up.Lindsay and JP dig into the physical cost of never backing off, talk through Simone Biles' 2021 Olympic decision, and unpack the "never enough" trap that keeps high achievers chasing a finish line that keeps moving. Lindsay also shares why she left a stable job for an uncertain one at The New York Times, and why she believes quitting is a muscle you build through practice, not a moment you arrive at with total certainty.If part one left you rethinking what perseverance actually costs, this episode gives you a way to start putting it into practice.Chapters(00:00) The Michael Phelps Burnout Pattern(01:22) Jesse Diggins and Knowing the Limit(02:48) Rest Was the Same as Decline(03:40) Getting Athletes to Trust the Data(04:51) The Batman Scar: Icing an Injury(09:08) Simone Biles and the Real Spotlight(13:29) The Never-Enough Trap(17:00) Wants vs Needs(19:30) Why She Left a Stable Job at the Times(23:00) Building the Muscle to QuitTOC 3-2-13 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 ResourceYour fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas."Our culture teaches us that quitting is a failure, that we didn't try hard enough. But quitting can be the first step to something better."Lindsay Crouse"I think about some of the people I respect a lot. They've quit things, and I've really respected them for how they quit and the reasons why they quit."JP Nerbun"You just have to build this muscle around quitting. That's really the only way that we can grow."Lindsay Crouse2 Questions for Your TeamQ1: What's one situation where you're pushing an athlete, or yourself, toward more, when the data or the body is already telling you it's time to pull back?Q2: If quitting is a muscle, when's the last time you actually practiced it, on purpose, in something small?1 Resource to Go DeeperThe Case for Quitting by Lindsay CrouseA 15 year New York Times veteran makes the research-backed case that stepping back is often the braver, smarter choice than pushing through.Find the book hereKey TakeawaysYour Mind Lies About Your Limits, Your Body Doesn'tSimone Biles Didn't Quit, She Read the InformationDefine "Enough" Before the Season Starts, Not During ItSeparate What You Want From What You NeedQuitting Gets Easier With Practice, Not CertaintyThe Traits That Made You Good Don't Disappear When You Walk AwayGet the notes and tools:tocculture.comJoin TOC Coach, community, courses, and live coaching:tocculture.comBetter Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

Are your three closest teammates a friend group, or a clique the rest of the roster feels shut out of?JP Nerbun, Betsy Butterick, and Nate Sanderson dig into Level 4 leadership this week: the real difference between a clique and a close friend group, why almost no team builds a genuine culture of honest feedback, and Betsy's own story as a Division I captain who left a program midseason.Whether you are trying to break up an unhealthy clique or support a player through a transfer decision, this conversation will change how you think about what it takes to lead a team.Chapters(00:00) Intro(06:10) Cliques vs close friend groups(09:40) Coaching moves that break up cliques(13:13) Creating spaces everyone is invited to(15:11) Why so few players call teammates out(19:23) The volleyball team feedback workshop(23:46) Coaching courage into hard talks(27:44) How to repair after conflict(31:02) Why players tear themselves down first(32:40) Learning to give feedback, not reaction(34:30) Does transferring make you disloyal(36:00) Betsy's story of quitting a D1 team(39:55) Why quitting takes more courage to do(42:35) We judge quitting but not the costTOC 3-2-13 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 ResourceYour fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas."We make it out to be this perseverance: drive hard, sit at the end of the bench, put up with a tough coach, and get through it all. We glorify that to an extent that's probably not healthy."- J.P. Nerbun"We're really good at judging on the back end, and we're really bad at counting the cost on the front end."- Nate Sanderson"The quitting part was about being a good teammate to myself. That was the first time in my life I can remember putting myself before the team."- Betsy Butterick2 Questions for Your TeamQ1: When was the last time you gave a teammate honest feedback even though it felt uncomfortable? What stopped you the times you didn't?Q2: If you're in a tight group of friends on this team, are you making sure everyone else always has an open door in, too?1 Resource to Go DeeperThe Culture Captain by JP NerbunThis episode draws on the book's final chapter, leading from the bench, and the stories of athletes like Abby Wambach and Tom Brady who led without always starting. Comes with a free field guide.Visit culturecaptain.net hereKey TakeawaysA tight friend group isn't automatically a toxic cliqueEvery athlete doesn't need to feel close to every teammate, just to someoneMost teams don't have a culture of feedback, they have one or two truth-tellersGive players a script for feedback and it's still excruciating, and that's normalWe're good at judging quitting after the fact and bad at examining the cost before itQuitting can be the most self-respecting decision a captain ever makesGet the notes and tools:tocculture.comJoin TOC Coach, community, courses, and live coaching:tocculture.comBetter Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

Zach Brandon spent years inside one of the most pressure-filled environments in professional sports. The biggest thing he took away was not about performance. It was about connection.In this first conversation with Zach, JP sits down with the former Head of Mental Performance and Coach Development for the Arizona Diamondbacks, on staff during their 2023 World Series run, to explore what he learned about servant leadership, building genuine relationships across a roster, and the principle most leaders quietly overlook: go see the work. Zach and JP also get honest about the cost of diluted focus and why an overused strength can quietly become your biggest limitation.This one is for any coach who has felt spread too thin, wondered whether athletes really trust them, or needed a reminder that the most powerful question you can ask is: what do you need from me today?Chapters(00:00) Intro(03:20) Fatherhood and New Direction(05:37) World Series and Arrival Fallacy(08:34) What Great Leadership Looks Like(11:28) Values: Connect, Impact, Grow(15:42) Permission to Slow Down(18:56) Building Trust Across Generations(20:55) The Pat Riley Connection Story(22:53) Mapping Relationships(24:38) Asking Veterans for Advice(28:47) Player-Led Meetings(30:42) Diluted Focus, Diluted Results(35:45) Go See the WorkTOC 3-2-13 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 ResourceYour fast-track to this episode's most actionable ideas."I got a lot better as a leader when I showed up every day from a space of like, hey, how can I serve you?"— Zach Brandon"Diluted focus produces diluted results."— Zach Brandon"Letting each person you come into contact with be the expert on themselves — and allowing them to share their expertise."— Zach Brandon2 Questions for Your TeamQ1: If you rated your relationship with every athlete on your roster from 1 to 5, where are the gaps — and what is one move you could make this week to close the most important one?Q2: When is the last time you asked one of your athletes for advice? How might doing that more intentionally change the dynamic in your program?1 Resource to Go DeeperWin More, Live Better — podcast by Zach BrandonOne of JP's handful of go-to podcast subscriptions. The episode featuring former Washington football coach Chris Peterson is the one that first caught JP's attention. Find it and all of Zach's work at zachbrandoncoaching.com.Visit zachbrandoncoaching.comKey TakeawaysServant leadership is a daily choice, not a personality traitYou cannot build deep connection without a systemAsking for advice builds more trust than giving itDiluted focus produces diluted resultsGo see the workAn overused strength becomes a limitationGet the notes and tools:tocculture.comJoin TOC Coach — community, courses, and live coaching:tocculture.comBetter Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

Dr. Jody Carrington says the most vulnerable emotion on the planet is not fear or grief. It is joy.In part two of her conversation with JP, Dr. Jody Carrington gets specific about what it means to regulate yourself before you can lead anyone else, why joy requires every defense to be down, and why she collects information before she directs a hard conversation.This one is for any coach who has ever felt calm on paper but tight in the jaw, and who wants tools that work in the middle of practice, not just in theory.Chapters(00:00) Intro & Welcome Back(02:04) Fragmented Attention, Real Hacks(05:46) Go In, Go Out, Repeat(09:38) Ask What Happened, Not Whats Wrong(11:11) Who You Really Work For(12:26) Why Joy Is the Most Vulnerable Emotion(14:24) Waving at Everyone on Main Street(20:57) Collect Then Direct(26:14) The Kid Nobody Wanted to Coach(28:29) Investing in the Hardest ParentsTOC 3-2-13 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 ResourceYour fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas."The most important people you work for are the ones you go home to."- Dr. Jody Carrington"The most vulnerable emotion on the planet is joy."- Dr. Jody Carrington"Collect and then direct. It's not if I'm going to give that feedback, it's when."- Dr. Jody Carrington2 Questions for Your TeamQ1: Where in your day is your jaw locked and your shoulders up before you ever set foot in front of your team, and what would it look like to drop them on purpose before you walk in?Q2: Which two players are you not building a real relationship with right now, and what is one specific thing you could learn about them this week?1 Resource to Go DeeperDr. Jody CarringtonFree videos, articles, and tools built around the same ideas she unpacked in this episode: regulation, connection, and showing up as your best self before you lead anyone else.Visit drjodycarrington.com hereKey TakeawaysRegulate Yourself Before You Coach Anyone ElseThe People You Work For Are the Ones You Go Home ToAsk What Happened, Not What's WrongJoy Is the Most Vulnerable Emotion on a TeamCollect Before You DirectRelationships With Parents Cut the Battle in HalfGet the notes and tools:tocculture.comJoin TOC Coach - community, courses, and live coaching:tocculture.comBetter Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

Is your best leader always your best teammate? JP Nerbun, Betsy Butterick, and Nate Sanderson are not so sure, and the answer says a lot about how you build culture this season.This episode continues an ongoing conversation around JP's new book, The Culture Captain, with the group digging into Level Two: leading yourself before you ever try to lead anyone else. They unpack why the chapter on effort was the hardest one JP wrote, what separates a Steph Curry from a Caitlin Clark on the leader versus teammate question, and why so many athletes hold back effort out of fear of being labeled a tryhard.Whether you are coaching the most obsessed competitor on your roster or the kid who just wants to enjoy the sport, this conversation will change how you think about effort, identity, and what it actually takes to lead yourself first.Chapters(00:00) Intro(01:02) Why Level Two Was Hardest to Write(03:26) Tom Brady & Raising Others 5-10%(09:13) Standards, Buy-In & Judgment(13:28) Caitlin Clark & Being Yourself(17:55) Great Leader vs. Great Teammate(24:37) One Behavior Every Leader Needs(28:30) Why Athletes Avoid Competing Hard(32:44) From Victim to Creator(40:55) The Hardest Part of Leading YourselfTOC 3-2-13 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 ResourceYour fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas."Two things can be true. I can uphold the standard and it increases the value or the connection with my teammate."- Betsy Butterick"My performance does not determine my worth or value in this world."- Nate Sanderson"It's not any single leadership behavior that unlocks leading yourself. It's putting in the work on ourselves, knowing that this is a lifelong journey."- JP Nerbun2 Questions for Your TeamQ1: When you rate your own effort this season, are you rating it the way your teammates and coaches would, or the way you wish they would?Q2: Is there a part of this season where you are telling yourself a victim story? What is one choice you actually have right now?1 Resource to Go DeeperThe Culture Captain by JP NerbunJP's newly launched book breaks leadership into three levels: knowing yourself, leading yourself, and leading others. This episode digs into Level Two, covering responsibility, effort, authenticity, compete, mental fitness, and selflessness.Visit tocculture.com hereKey TakeawaysLeading yourself is not a formula. It is a personal journey.A great leader is not always a great teammate.Curiosity beats correction when a leader cannot reserve judgment.The fear of being a tryhard is quietly shutting down effort.Moving an athlete from victim to creator starts with naming a choice.The hardest part of leading yourself is the moment you let yourself down.Get the notes and tools:tocculture.comJoin TOC Coach - community, courses, and live coaching:tocculture.comBetter Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

Most coaches spend their careers shaping athletes. Rustin Dodd and Elise Devlin spend theirs learning from them — and what they've found might change how you coach.Rustin and Elise write NY Times feature, The Peak for The Athletic, a section devoted to the mental side of elite sports. In this episode with JP Nerbun, they unpack what a year of "I Tried" journalism has taught them: Kobe's silence practice, Michael Phelps' freestyle journaling, Buzz Williams writing four to five letters a day, an Olympian who approaches every failure with childlike curiosity, and a reminder from David Ortiz about what it actually means to bounce back. The thread running through all of it: curiosity.For coaches who want to understand what's going on inside their athletes — and maybe inside themselves — before it becomes a problem.Chapters(00:00) Intro: JP on The Athletic's Peak(02:39) Ted Lasso's Real-Life Inspiration(07:41) Elise: D1 Swimmer to Peak Journalist(11:48) The Performance Info Gap(13:01) How The Peak Section Was Born(16:18) What The Peak Is Not(19:20) I Tried: Living Athletes' Habits(21:31) Silence, Emotions, and Journaling(23:13) How Athletes Find Their Rituals(25:41) Curiosity: The #1 Athlete Trait(26:41) Buzz Williams Letter-Writing(28:38) Gratitude and Failure With Curiosity(30:53) The Power of Saying Yes(35:59) The Pat Riley Conditioning Test(36:31) 17s Story: Hardship as ConfidenceTOC 3-2-13 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 ResourceYour fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas."That feeling of somebody saying yes to me is so powerful. And I oftentimes try to think about: how do I do a version of that? How do I say yes to people?"— Rustin Dodd"I thought about it and I was like — I guess I don't have silence."— Elise Devlin"I view all my failures with childlike curiosity."— Olympian Olivia Smoliga, cited by Elise Devlin2 Questions for Your TeamQ1: When something goes wrong in practice or a game, is your first instinct to fix it, blame it, or get curious about it? Which of those responses is actually coachable?Q2: What is one mental tool or daily habit your athletes don't know about — and when did you last share it with them?1 Resource to Go DeeperThe Peak by Rustin Dodd and Elise Devlin | The AthleticThe Athletic's section devoted to the mental side of elite sports. The "I Tried" series is essential reading for any coach curious about what elite performance looks like from the inside.Visit The Athletic hereKey TakeawaysThe Best Athletes Are Obsessively CuriousReflection Teaches More Than Experience AloneSilence Is a Performance ToolTreat Failure Like a ScientistGratitude Does Real WorkSay Yes More Than You Think You ShouldGet the notes and tools:tocculture.comJoin TOC Coach — community, courses, and live coaching:tocculture.comBetter Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

What does it mean to truly know yourself — not perform yourself, not brand yourself for public approval, but honestly know who you are at your core?JP Nerbun, Betsy Butterick, and Nate Sanderson explore that question in this roundtable, the first in a four-part series on JP's new book, The Culture Captain. Betsy shares the story of an athlete and what she filled in her personal definition led to an eye-opening statement about being "enough". This quiet act of self-definition opens a deeper conversation about identity, enoughness, and what it costs to resist the pressure to brand yourself for the world's approval. Nate brings a hard-won insight from a facilitation with student-athletes that challenges a core assumption most coaches hold about leadership readiness. JP is honest about the gap between success and fulfillment — and about the dark side of purpose itself, how even meaningful work can become obligation when fulfillment is measured in external terms. Betsy's Championship Soup exercise from a workshop at Stanford with Tara Vanderbeer gives every coach a practical way in. This is the beginning of a longer conversation — one level at a time.If the question "who are you?" has ever felt harder to answer than it should, this one is for you.Chapters(00:00) Intro(01:35) The Culture Captain Series Format(03:12) When Were You Invited to Know Yourself?(09:09) The "Child of God" Athlete and Enoughness(11:26) Do Athletes Know What Leadership Is?(12:27) Nate's Facilitation: What Athletes Revealed(16:06) Defining Leadership — No Clean Answer(20:01) Leadership as Wielded Influence(22:08) The Magnetic Personality Story(28:53) Leadership Is a Boat Anyone Can Board(30:58) Core Values — How Did You Find Yours?(35:23) The Soup Supper Exercise(37:15) Championship Soup at Stanford(40:43) Success Without Fulfillment(41:51) Division I Basketball vs. 200km Ultra(45:30) Identity Prison vs. Identity House(46:18) JP's Vulnerable Moment on FulfillmentTOC 3-2-13 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 ResourceYour fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas."Fulfillment has to be defined by you, and the meaning has to be made intentionally rather than just by what we see and what we hear."— Nate Sanderson"When I'm at my best, when I feel most at peace, when I feel most content, when I feel most truly myself — look back at those moments. And then ask: how do I bring that forward and offer it as a gift to my team, to the world?"— JP Nerbun"I believe leadership is a boat that anyone can board — if you have the desire to develop that awareness, to know yourself, to use your influence on purpose."— Betsy Butterick2 Questions for Your TeamQ1: When was the first time someone truly invited you to define who you are — not describe yourself to others, but honestly articulate who you are at your core? How has that shaped the way you invite athletes into self-discovery?Q2: Think of a recent coaching achievement. On a scale of 1–10, how fulfilled did it make you feel? What does that number tell you about whether you are living in your values?1 Resource to Go DeeperThe Culture Captain by JP NerbunThis episode explores Level 1 of JP's new book — Know Yourself. It's the foundation on which every leadership conversation is built. Get the book and episode tools at tocculture.com.Visit tocculture.comKey TakeawaysYou Can't Lead Others If You Don't Know YourselfLeadership Is Wielded Influence — Use It on PurposeYoung Athletes Often Need a "Level Zero" Before Level OneSelf-Definition Is an Act of ResistanceValues Are Unearthed, Not InventedSuccess Without Fulfillment Is the Warning Sign — and Success Is Often Defined for UsGet the notes and tools:tocculture.comJoin TOC Coach — community, courses, and live coaching:tocculture.comBetter Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

The Art of Communication: Finding Your Voice as a CoachJP Nerbun sits down with co-host Betsy Butterick to explore how intentional communication transforms athlete relationships, team culture, and coaching identity.TOC 3-2-1: 3 Quotes, 2 Questions, 1 Resource3 Quotes Worth Writing Down"Anytime someone says 'that's just who I am,' what immediately comes up for me is — no, that's who you've been. You get to choose who you get to be in the next moment." — Betsy Butterick"If we hope to teach them, we first need to reach them. It is arguably much easier for one person — the coach — to shift how they communicate than it is to try to change an entire generation." — Betsy Butterick"When you speak quietly, people need to come closer, lean in. That was exactly the space I wanted to coach athletes in." — Betsy Butterick2 Questions for Your TeamWhen you communicate with your athletes before a big moment, are you trying to inspire them — or genuinely educate and invite them into something? What's the difference for your team?Are there phrases or habits in your coaching communication that fall under "that's just who I am"? What would it look like to ask instead: Is this who I want to be?1 Resource to Go DeeperKids These Days by Betsy Butterick — the practical communication guide for coaches working with today's athletes. Packed with immediately usable frameworks, real-world stories, and a resource section built to last.Visit: betsybutterick.comKey TakeawaysCommunication is a craft, not a personality trait. Betsy's communication didn't come from natural talent — it came from decades of intentional reps: journaling, coaching thousands of young athletes, and a relentless curiosity about language. The implication for every coach: this is buildable.Inspiring a room and inviting athletes in are not the same thing. Betsy's goal is never to inspire — it's to educate. But the best teaching carries emotional charge, and the question you ask after a lesson is what bridges information to behavior change. Don't just tell them. Ask them what they got from it.Yelling is a tool — use it like one. In a decade of coaching, Betsy raised her voice about seven times — and believes every player could still tell you exactly why. Coaches who rarely yell make every raised voice meaningful. Coaches who yell constantly give athletes nothing to read."That's just who I am" is a pattern, not an identity. When coaches or athletes use that phrase, it closes the door on growth. The reframe Betsy offers: that's who you've been — not who you have to be. Adapting your communication style isn't lowering your standards; it's what makes holding high standards possible.Accountability requires co-creation, not just enforcement. Most accountability conversations fail because expectations were never truly shared — they were just announced. When athletes help build the standard, they're far more likely to hold each other to it. Peer accountability only works after shared understanding exists.Action Items for Leaders and CoachesAudit Your Volume: Track how often you raise your voice this week. Is it a tool — or a habit you haven't examined?End With a Question: After your next team talk, close with one question that invites athletes to reflect on what they just heard.Spot the Pattern: Notice when you or your athletes say "that's just who I am." Replace it with: "That's who I've been — is it who I want to be?"Co-Create One Standard: Pick one expectation you've been enforcing alone. Build shared understanding around it with your athletes this week.ConnectGet episode notes and team culture tools: tocculture.comJoin the TOC Coach community (free): tocculture.comBetsy Butterick — blog, book, and resources: betsybutterick.comIf this episode was helpful, share it with a coach in your life who is working on their communication. And if you haven't already, subscribe so you never miss an episode of the Coaching Culture Podcast.

What does transformational leadership actually look like in practice? Father Mike Schmitz, 15-year director of the Newman Center at UMD, sits down with coaches to share the leadership principles, culture-building strategies, and mentorship frameworks that have transformed thousands of lives on a secular college campus.Whether you're a coach, team leader, manager, or anyone invested in building high-performance culture, this conversation is packed with actionable wisdom on setting priorities, establishing boundaries, leading with authenticity, and developing the next generation of leaders.IN THIS EPISODE:How to identify your one true priority (and stop pretending you have many)The "rock analogy" for protecting your closest relationships during demanding seasonsWhy saying NO with conviction is an act of leadership — not selfishnessThe 3 pillars Father Mike used to build a transformational culture from scratchThe FACT (and FACE) framework for identifying and developing emerging leadersSmall group leadership: how to structure teams within teamsHow to lead authentically in a secular environment without compromising your valuesWhy Gen Z craves in-person connection more than any generation before themThe concept of "spiritual fatherhood" and what it means for coaches and mentors⏱️ CHAPTERS:00:00 — Introduction: Coaching through busy seasons of life02:45 — The Rock Analogy: Protecting your family during demanding seasons06:30 — Defining your TRUE priority (it's singular, not plural)10:15 — How to say NO without guilt — and why conviction sets you free15:40 — Knowing your limits: the wisdom of boundaries in leadership19:00 — Building a transformational culture from scratch (the 3 pillars)25:10 — Seen, Known, and Loved: the culture framework that changed everything29:30 — Bottom-up leadership: creating a culture where people correct you33:00 — Small group leadership: the FACT framework for identifying leaders39:20 — The Jenna story: how one person's faithfulness sparked a movement44:45 — Leading Gen Z: why in-person connection is the ultimate differentiator49:10 — How to create psychological safety so people speak freely53:00 — Spiritual fatherhood: reframing your role as a coach or mentor58:30 — Leading with faith in a secular environment🔗 RESOURCES & LINKS:📖 The Bible in a Year with Father Mike Schmitz: https://www.youtube.com/@UCzUZD3iCxkHmwYkCqYn8fBw 🏛️ UMD Newman Center: https://bulldogcatholic.org/📚 Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" (mentioned): https://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful/dp/0743269519🎓 FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students): https://focus.org/🏆 Subscribe for more leadership and coaching conversations: https://www.youtube.com/@UC3vIljCBzwHcPyVIx9kiHvw transformational leadership, coaching leadership, building team culture, mentorship, leadership development, how to build culture, high performance teams, athlete development, Gen Z leadership, setting boundaries as a leader, how to say no, priority setting, small group leadership, servant leadership, authentic leadership, coach mentorship, spiritual leadership, team building strategies, leadership in sports, culture building, how to develop leaders, Father Mike Schmitz, Newman Center, FOCUS ministry, college coaching📌 If you found this valuable, share it with a coach, leader, or mentor in your life.🔔 Subscribe and hit the bell so you never miss an episode on leadership, culture, and coaching.

Taking hard feedback is one of the most underrated leadership skills — and most of us are doing it wrong.In this episode, JP, Betsy, and Nate get real about the emotional side of criticism: why feedback feels so personal for coaches and leaders, how to regulate before you respond, and the mindset shift that turns brutal feedback into your greatest tool for growth.Whether you're a coach, athletic director, team leader, or anyone who's ever been stung by a harsh comment — this conversation is for you.🎙️ In this episode, we cover:→ Why feedback hits differently when your work is your identity→ How to regulate your emotional response before reacting→ The difference between feedback as a verdict vs. feedback as information→ Practical tools: exit interviews, anonymous polling, and mid-season check-ins→ When to stand firm — and when to own it and grow→ How small language shifts completely change how feedback lands⬇️ SUBSCRIBE for weekly episodes on coaching culture, leadership development, and team building.💬 Join the TOC Coach Community → https://www.skool.com/toccoach/about⏱️ CHAPTERS0:00 Cold open & welcome2:36 What makes feedback so hard to take?3:03 Betsy: when feedback feels personal4:55 Nate: the paranoia about not knowing what's coming5:48 JP: proximity, relationship & the 2015 turning point7:33 Positive feedback experiences — what actually worked9:08 How your response to feedback shapes future feedback10:20 Betsy's coaching program breakthrough moment12:48 What to do when feedback feels like an attack14:30 Real coaching example: helping a coach put it down16:41 First steps when you're triggered — regulate first19:00 Own the hard feedback before it owns you21:04 The complexity of coaching decisions: playing time & perspective23:38 Is it true? Learning from feedback regardless of the answer25:01 Feedback as information, not a verdict26:37 The language shift that changes everything28:13 Rewriting harsh feedback so you can actually hear it30:51 How to ask for better feedback from your team33:07 Setting expectations early & capturing in-season intelligence35:45 Normalizing feedback & modeling how to receive it37:44 The Man in the Arena — and what Teddy got right (and wrong)40:17 When to stand firm vs. when to fold43:08 How going through hard feedback builds conviction🔍 KEYWORDSleadership development | coaching culture | how to take feedback | receiving criticism | coach mindset | athletic leadership | team culture | growth mindset for coaches | sports leadership podcast | feedback in the workplace | leadership skills | handling negative feedback | transformational coaching | emotional intelligence for leaders | coaching podcast#CoachingCulture #LeadershipDevelopment #CoachMindset #HardFeedback #AthleticLeadership #GrowthMindset #SportsLeadership #TeamCulture #TransformationalCoaching #CoachingPodcast

What does it take to build a truly flourishing team? NYT bestselling author Daniel Coyle (The Culture Code, The Talent Code) returns to share insights from his powerful new book Flourish — and this conversation will change how you think about leadership, team culture, and what it means to matter.We explore the difference between belonging and mattering, why psychological safety isn't enough, and how the most transformational leaders don't motivate — they architect meaningful moments. From a small Vermont town that produced 11 Olympians, to the New England Patriots' Four H's exercise, to a $90 million deli in Michigan, Coyle unpacks the hidden machinery behind teams that truly thrive.Whether you're a sports coach, executive leader, or team builder, this episode delivers simple, actionable strategies you can use today.🔔 Subscribe so you don't miss Part 2 — where we unpack the difference between safe spaces and brave spaces, and why we're getting psychological safety wrong.📩 Get the show notes + free resources: https://tocculture.com🧠 Join TOC Coach: https://www.skool.com/toccoach/about📚 Daniel Coyle's new book Flourish: https://a.co/d/058n8AqK📚 The Culture Code (Ep 245 & 246): https://youtu.be/Zlero0ksd3g?si=6JvF9k6U387X7YNR🗓️ Leadership Retreat (April 2026): https://tocculture.com🏆 In This Episode You'll Learn:Why mattering is more powerful than belonging — and what most coaches get wrongThe Four H's Exercise used by the New England Patriots to build instant connectionHow the "emptiness epidemic" is quietly killing your team's performanceWhy answers divide teams and questions unite themThe simple leadership habit of creating meaningful moments (without a course or a program)How vulnerability builds trust — not the other way aroundWhat a $90 million deli can teach every coach about contribution and cultureWhy pausing is the most productive thing a high-performance team can doThe difference between flourishing and performance — and why top teams that skip this fall apart⏱️ CHAPTERS00:00 — Intro: Why The Culture Code and Flourish Changed Everything03:24 — Interview Begins: Why Flourish Is More Personal Than Coyle's Other Books04:17 — The "Emptiness Epidemic" — Success Without Fulfillment07:09 — Why This Book Is So Timely: We Only Become Our Best Through Others10:01 — How Flourish Builds on The Culture Code11:47 — Flourishing vs. Thriving: Is There a Difference?12:37 — The Core Question: What Is "Aliveness"?15:35 — Mattering vs. Belonging: The Crucial Distinction17:15 — What Coaches Miss: Creating Belonging Without Mattering19:46 — Steve Kerr, the Warriors & the Video Intern Who Changed a Game20:09 — Mattering Creates Contribution — Not Just Safety22:05 — Creating an Oasis: How to Build a Village, Not a Freeway23:20 — What Teams Actually Crave: Family, Brotherhood, Sisterhood26:50 — The Coach as Architect of Meaningful Moments27:22 — Why Every Coach Should Learn Facilitation (and Executive Coaching)28:55 — Vulnerability Builds Trust — Not the Other Way Around30:41 — Does Your Schedule Facilitate Meaningful Relationships?31:20 — Mattering Moments Can Be Created On the Fly31:42 — Good Leaders Ask Deep Questions They Don't Know the Answer To32:15 — The "Connective Energy Business": What Great Teams Are Really Doing32:57 — Answers Drive Us Apart. Questions Bring Us Together.34:01 — Coming in Part 2: Safe Spaces vs. Brave Spaces & Getting Psychological Safety Right🔑 Keywords / TopicsLeadership development | Team culture | High-performance teams | Daniel Coyle | The Culture Code | Flourish book | Psychological safety | Team building | Executive coaching | Sports coaching | Mattering vs belonging | Meaningful leadership | Team facilitation | Coaching culture | Community building | Employee engagement | Team cohesion | Leadership podcast | Vulnerability in leadership | Sports psychology