Evolving Love

In this episode, we reflect on what it has been like to take our relationship into the public eye after appearing on SBS’s Insight, where we spoke about jealousy, envy, and compersion. What followed was a flood of online commentary, much of it critical. We unpack what it feels like to have our relationship reduced to a two-minute clip and judged at scale, and we explore why people feel so certain in their opinions about something they don’t fully understand.We explore how judgment is a natural human response, but how the way it’s expressed matters, and how much of what people say is actually a reflection of their own fears, experiences, or conditioning around relationships. We also share how we each process criticism differently, one of us feeling largely unaffected, the other needing to work through it more consciously. Through it all, we come back to what grounds us, our relationship, our values, and our sense of self, and why continuing to have these conversations publicly still feels important, even when it invites criticism.Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Youtube | Retreat This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In today’s episode we sit down with Fer from the Polycurious Podcast to unpack a story that began with a first date in New York and unfolded into a powerful lesson about jealousy, veto power, honesty, and growth.We share openly about the moment Abbey felt triggered when Liam and Fer connected, how unspoken feelings led to a quiet veto, and what it took to circle back a year later with truth and repair. It’s a vulnerable look at what really happens inside non-monogamous relationships when values and emotions collide.We also dive into Fer’s “Mono-Poly” relationship with her now fiancé Seth, a one-sided open relationship where she is non-monogamous and he is monogamous. From pacing opening up intentionally, to navigating jealousy without shame, to redefining compersion and “don’t ask, don’t tell,” this episode explores what relationship by design truly looks like.Fer’s Links:Instagram | Website | Polycurious Podcast w/ SethEvolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Youtube | Retreat This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode, we dive headfirst into the world of hot wifing and hot husbanding, unpacking what these dynamics actually are and why they can feel so electrifying. We talk openly about erotic charge, compersion, possession, and play, exploring how fantasy and power can exist inside consensual, loving relationships without contradicting autonomy or feminist values.We also explore the practical and emotional realities of these dynamics: how to talk to a partner about it, what makes someone a good third, where things can go wrong, and why communication, enthusiasm, and consent are non-negotiable.Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Youtube This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In our final episode of the year we discuss 2025 and some of our favourite podcast guests of the year, our plans for the New Year, the ethics of sending old selfies and so much more...Here are links to the episodes mentioned in this episode:Dr. Emma Phillips - Sexy SelfiesEvan Buckley - CultsDr. Rob Brooks - AIEvolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | YoutubeSee you in 2026!! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode, Liam and I sit down to unpack what we’ve been calling “the silent load”….the unseen, unspoken work that keeps relationships and families running smoothly.We talk about the four types of invisible load that show up in love: the physical, emotional, mental, and relational loads. From who remembers to buy the groceries, to who plans the date nights or initiates the tough conversations, we explore how these patterns form, what they mean, and why they can feel so heavy.Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

Lily Allen has dropped her new album West End Girl. This record is a brutally honest breakup album about her open marriage with actor David Harbour, and has put non-monogamy back into the cultural Zeitgeist.In this episode, we discuss* Is Lily Allen’s “p*^sy palace” anthem empowering or exploitative?* What are the ethics of writing about your ex?* Why do female rage albums hit so hard?* Does this record hurt or help how non-monogamy is seen?* And… who exactly is Madeline?From kink-shaming to compersion, privacy to power, we discuss the tension between honesty, art, and the stories we tell about love.We also mention the Architectural Digest Tour of Lily and David’s House and this brilliant Substack article by Jack Cullen.Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

Dabaco Sunset is a queer-affirming psychotherapist and embodiment facilitator in Sydney, specializing in Gestalt Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and Embodied Counselling to help LGBTQ+ individuals and clients with alternative relating styles like ethical non-monogamy.Dabaco practices In the inner-west in Sydney at Sunset Psychotherapy.In this episode Dabaco opens up about growing up bisexual and pansexual, his time in Berlin’s queer scene, and the journey from infidelity and secrecy to radical self-acceptance.Dabaco Sunset LinksWebsite | Instagram | Naked ManEvolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In todays episode we play Devil’s Advocate. Can you argue a position you don’t truly believe in? Does switching sides test our own beliefs and sharpen our perspectives?We go head-to-head on:* Should happy couples risk opening their relationship?* Is non-monogamy a solution for struggling couples?* The infamous One Penis Policy — protection or possession?* Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell vs Kitchen Table Polyamory* Growing older: does monogamy or non-monogamy serve us better?Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of Evolving Love 2.0, Abbey and Liam explore where they sit on the spectrum between swinging and polyamory. From loud neighbours and exhibitionist fantasies to navigating crushes, labels, and compersion, they dive into the playful, messy, and honest realities of non-monogamy after more than a decade together.They also share why “relationship by design” is central to their lives, and how fantasy and reality often intersect in surprising ways.Watch on YoutubeEvolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | RetreatLive Podcast Tickets LinkFriday 10th October, NFSA, Canberra This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In today’s episode we dive into the spectacle of public affairs—from the viral Coldplay KissCam scandal to the infamous Clinton-Lewinsky saga. We explore the cultural obsession with infidelity, the ethics of public shaming, and the complex dynamics of relationships under scrutiny.Topics Covered* Coldplaygate: The viral moment that exposed Astronomer CEO Andy Byron and HR head Kristin Cabot on KissCam.* Public vs. Private Affairs: Why some affairs explode into the public eye and what that means for those involved.* Workplace Infidelity: Why so many affairs begin at work and the psychology behind it.* The Clinton-Lewinsky Affair: A deep dive into the scandal, power dynamics, betrayal, and media frenzy.* Esther Perel’s “State of Affairs”: How this book reframes infidelity and offers a path to healing.* The Ethics of Enjoying Scandal: Grappling with the guilty pleasure of watching public drama unfold.* Security Clearances & Infidelity: Can cheating disqualify you from high-level government roles?Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat🌿 Upcoming EventWomen's Retreat – October 17–19, 2025 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

Today we are having a difficult conversation on Evolving Love. A conversation that puts the safety of our children in the spotlight.To help us navigate this conversation, we have invited on child safety expert - Kristi McVee. Kristy was a Specialist Child Interviewer and Detective Senior Constable for 10 years in the Western Australian Police force.Since leaving the police force, she has worked to provide parents, caregivers, and guardians with the education, tools and strategies they need to protect children from child sexual abuse and work towards a safer future for all kids.Kristi has written a book entitled “Operation Kidsafe”, and hosts the podcast – “Conversations with Kristi”.Kristi McVee Links:Website | Instagram | Facebook | Tik Tok | PodcastACMS Study ResearchImportant Resources:If you feel affected by this episode and the themes discussed, please do not hesitate to reach out to these great resources:United States:* Childhelp USA:* Provides a national hotline, crisis intervention, information, and referrals.* Hotline: 1-800-422-4453* Website: childhelp.org* The National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN):* Offers confidential support for survivors of sexual violence.* Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE* Website: rainn.orgAustralia:* Bravehearts:* Focuses on preventing child sexual assault and supporting survivors.* Helpline: 1800 272 831* Website: bravehearts.org.au* Kids Helpline:* A free, confidential 24/7 online and phone counseling service for young people aged 5 to 25.* Helpline: 1800 55 1800* Website: kidshelpline.com.auEngland:* NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children):* Provides a helpline, online resources, and support services for children and adults concerned about child abuse.* Helpline: 0808 800 5000* Website: nspcc.org.uk* Childline:* A free, confidential helpline for children and young people.* Helpline: 0800 1111* Website: childline.org.uk This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In today’s episode we deep dive the provocative question: Is monogamy boring? We discuss our own definitions of what a boring relationship looks like, erotic space and desire, the richness of shared non-monogamous experiences, is boredom a form of safety, our dream debate opponents and so much more.🌿 Upcoming EventWomen's Retreat – October 17–19, 2025Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe