Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

Linda Murphy describes declarative language as a positive, thoughtful communication style that emphasizes understanding, patience, respect, and kindness, and as you’ll hear from our conversation, it is an ideal communication style for really all children, but especially neurodivergent children and kids whose nervous systems are triggered by demands or more imperative communication styles. We discussed the different ways we can communicate with our children, the language we use, and the effects that simple shifts in the way we have conversations can have in our daily interactions with them. We also explored what is declarative language versus imperative language, as well as the relationship between co-regulation and declarative language and why we should use them in tandem.  Things you'll learn from this episode * What it means to use declarative language (versus imperative language) * Why declarative language is so effective for neurodivergent children, and especially those who are wired to be more demand avoidance * Why declarative language is more effective when paired with co-regulation * Common language and communication styles that place demands on kids that we may not be aware of (including questions) * How to introduce declarative language communication and how it can support a child’s learning and development * What we can hope to see in a child or an adolescent that has been on the receiving end of this style of communication * What to say instead of “Did you hear what I said”? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Deb Dana, a clinician, consultant, and author, gives us a primer of the key points of Polyvagal Theory, and in doing so, explains the ways in which it can support the way we parent our differently-wired kids. Deb explains the nervous system pathways, why co-regulation is essential to our survival, what befriending and listening to our autonomic nervous system looks like in practice, and the benefits of having a breathing practice. We also talk about why these concepts can change our relationships to our daily life even if our circumstances stay the same.  Things you'll learn from this episode The mission behind Deb’s book Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory What the nervous system pathways are and the three states we can be in What aspects of our nervous systems are innate or “hardwired” versus routed in nurture or life experience Why co-regulation is essential to our survival and examples for ways in which we constantly do naturally What befriending and listening to our autonomic nervous system looks like in practice Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today we’re talking about the power of community, resilience, and what it really means to show up bravely in the caregiver parenting journey. My guest is fellow community builder and mom on a mission Jessica Patay, the founder of We Are Brave Together, a global community supporting moms raising children with disabilities and other unique needs. Jessica’s work is deeply rooted in her own experience as a caregiving mom to her son Ryan, who was diagnosed with Prader-Willi syndrome, and her mission is all about making sure no parent has to walk this path alone. In our conversation, Jessica shares her story and the inspiration behind building such a powerful, life-giving community for mothers. We talk about the isolation so many caregivers experience, the importance of connection and support, and what it looks like to cultivate resilience in the midst of ongoing challenges. Jessica also offers practical, compassionate insights for parents who are feeling overwhelmed, reminding us that even in the hardest seasons, we are not alone—and we were never meant to do this by ourselves. About Jessica Patay Jessica Patay is passionate about serving caregiving moms and creating authentic communities. She has always fostered deep, life-giving friendships and has been intentional about her community of girlfriends. As a caregiving mom herself, this passion carries on as she gathers women to encourage them, mentor them, inspire them, and validate their intense and precious journeys. Her own story as a mom to a child with a disability, began in 2003 when her second son, Ryan, was born and diagnosed with a rare, genetic disorder, called Prader-Willi syndrome. Within two days of receiving this diagnosis, she received a phone call from a mentor mom from the Prader-Willi California Foundation. Immediately she felt relief and comfort knowing she was NOT ALONE. Thankfully, Ryan is sandwiched in the middle of siblings Luke and Kate, both fierce and loving cheerleaders and helpers to Ryan. Jessica is the founder of The We Are Brave Together organization, a supportive community for moms of children with disabilities and all unique needs, which has grown into an international community of over 4200 moms. She has helped launch over 25 support groups all over the United States, and in New Zealand and Australia, in the last five years. She is the host of the Brave Together Podcast. Things you'll learn from this episode Why community is a critical foundation for healing, resilience, and feeling less alone as a caregiver How distinguishing between caregiving and motherhood can help parents better understand their experience How We Are Brave Together creates connection through circles, retreats, and shared storytelling Why bravery often shows up in small, everyday moments rather than big, visible acts How Jessica’s work, including Suddenly Brave Together, reflects and validates the lived experience of caregivers Why systemic challenges can leave caregivers isolated—and how taking small, practical steps can help them find support now Resources mentioned We Are Brave Together Brave Together Podcast Becoming Brave Together: Heroic, Extraordinary Caregiving Stories from Mothers Hidden in Plain Sight by Jessica Patay Suddenly Brave Together: Letters to Caregiving Moms in a Defining Moment of Their Lives by Jessica Patay We Are Brave Together Facebook Group Demystifying Disability: What to Know, What to Say, and How to be an Ally by Emily Ladau Emily Ladau on Demystifying Disability: What to Know, What to Say, and How to be an Ally (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Kelley Coleman on Everything No One Tells You About Parenting a Disabled Child (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Margaret Webb Parent Coaching Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today we’re exploring the intersection of giftedness, identity, and belonging—and what it means to support gifted kids in a world that’s changing faster than ever. My guest is Mark Talaga, director of the Center for Identity Potential, where he focuses on helping young people understand themselves more deeply and develop a grounded sense of who they are. In our conversation, Mark and I talk about the complexities of gifted identity—how it forms, how it can get disrupted, and why a strong sense of belonging is so critical for well-being. We also dive into the impact of AI and the digital landscape on gifted youth, and what this means for their development, purpose, and connection. This is a thoughtful, forward-looking conversation about how we can better support gifted kids in navigating both their inner world and the rapidly evolving world around them. About Mark Talaga Mark Talaga is a counselor, speaker, and consultant specializing in the social, emotional, and developmental needs of gifted and asynchronous individuals. As part of the Center for Identity Potential, his work focuses on helping children, adolescents, and adults better understand the complex interaction between cognitive intensity, identity development, executive functioning, and educational environments. He is particularly interested in the ways relationships—with teachers, families, and systems—shape whether gifted learners are able to fully engage in growth. Mark frequently provides professional development for educators and clinicians on topics such as twice-exceptionality, language processing differences, attentional regulation, and strengthening student–teacher relationships through neurodevelopmental understanding. His presentations are known for translating complex psychological concepts into practical strategies that professionals can apply immediately in classrooms and counseling settings. In addition to his clinical work, Mark consults with schools and organizations seeking more effective approaches to supporting advanced learners whose needs are often misunderstood by traditional models. Across settings, his goal is to help people move beyond deficit-based interpretations and toward a deeper understanding of how developmental differences can become sources of clarity, connection, and long-term potential. Things you'll learn from this episode How redefining giftedness beyond academics to include emotional, moral, and physical domains broadens how we support kids Why the landscape for gifted children has shifted in recent years, especially with the influence of technology and AI How identity development in gifted kids often involves exploring multiple, authentic selves over time Why belonging—both offline and online—plays a critical role in well-being and social development How emotional growth shapes key social skills like asking for help and active listening How parents can use practical strategies, including identity-focused frameworks, to support their children through complex cultural and technological shifts Resources mentioned The Center for Identity Potential Hopelessly Gifted podcast Andrew Mahoney Dr. Gail Post on the Journey of Parenting Gifted Children (Tilt Parenting Podcast) The Gifted Parenting Journey: A Guide to Self-Discovery and Support for Families of Gifted Children by Gail Post Supporting Black Gifted Students with Dr. Joy Lawson Davis (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Bright, Talented, & Black: A Guide for Families of African American Gifted Learners by Joy Lawson Davis, Ed.D. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today we’re talking about something that can make or break the parenting experience: how we align with our partners in raising our kids. My guest is clinical counselor Martina Nova, author of the new book Same Page Parenting, where she offers a practical framework for helping couples move out of blame and into more honest, connected conversations about parenting. In our conversation, Martina and I explore what gets in the way of alignment, from our own histories and fears to the added layers of neurodivergent parenting, navigating differences around discipline, digital habits, and decision-making, and what it takes to stay connected as our kids grow into adulthood. Martina shares thoughtful questions and practical strategies to help couples better understand each other’s perspectives and build a more intentional, collaborative approach to parenting. About Martina Nova Martina Nova is a Registered Clinical Counsellor based in British Columbia and the founder of NovaCare Therapy. She specializes in working with individuals, parents and couples navigating trauma, ADHD, people-pleasing, and early attachment patterns. Martina helps couples move out of blame and into more honest conversations about parenting, emotional needs, and relationship dynamics. In addition to her clinical work, Martina is an author and educator who creates practical tools to help couples communicate more openly about the realities of family life. Her work highlights how many parenting conflicts are less about discipline strategies and more about the histories, fears, and values each partner brings into parenting. Martina regularly shares mental health education through media, speaking, and social platforms, helping parents feel less alone in the complexities of modern parenting. Things you'll learn from this episode How intentional communication and aligning values create a stronger foundation for parenting and partnership Why using therapy-informed questions helps parents unpack their upbringing, beliefs, and evolving identities How practical tools like weekly check-ins and family-wide conversations foster connection and collaboration Why recognizing and supporting neurodivergence in both parents and children is essential for healthy dynamics How navigating outside pressures, social media, and autonomy supports long-term trust with kids Why maintaining the parent-child relationship into adulthood requires ongoing reflection, flexibility, and shared tools Resources mentioned Martina Nova’s website, Novacare Therapy Same Page Parenting: Align with Your Partner to Raise Happy, Confident, and Resilient Kids by Martina Nova Novacare Therapy Resources Page Martina Nova on Instagram The Gottman Institute Dr. Ross Greene on Using CPS with Very Young Kids (Tilt Parenting podcast) Dr. Ken Ginsburg on Lighthouse Parenting — Loving Guidance for an Enduring Bond (Tilt Parenting podcast) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today we’re diving into the complex and often overwhelming world of allergies, asthma, and related conditions—and what it really takes to support kids (and families) living with them. My guest is Dr. Zachary Rubin, a double board-certified pediatrician and allergist/immunologist who’s known for making allergy science accessible and understandable to millions. He’s also the author of the new book, All About Allergies, which is a clear, compassionate guide to managing allergic diseases. In our conversation, Dr. Rubin breaks down how the immune system responds in different allergic scenarios, what’s behind the rise in things like pollen counts and food allergies, and how conditions like asthma fit into the bigger picture. We also talk about practical strategies for managing symptoms, supporting kids in everyday life, and reducing some of the stress and uncertainty that can come with allergies. About Dr. Zachary Rubin Dr. Zachary Rubin is a double board-certified pediatrician and allergist/immunologist who practices at Oak Brook Allergists in the Chicago area. A nationally recognized medical educator and public health advocate, he shares evidence-based, accessible information on allergies, asthma, and public health with over 3 million followers under the handle @rubin_allergy. Dr. Rubin earned his medical degree from Case Western Reserve University, completed his pediatrics residency at the University of Illinois College of Medicine in Chicago, and his allergy/immunology fellowship at Washington University in St. Louis. Outside of medicine, he enjoys swimming, hiking, golfing, hula hooping, and spending time with his wife, daughter, and three German Shepherds. All About Allergies is his first book, offering a clear, compassionate guide to managing allergic diseases. Things you'll learn from this episode How allergies work in the body and how the immune system responds across different triggers and scenarios Why the connection between allergies and neurodivergence is gaining attention, despite ongoing research gaps How environmental changes, including climate factors, are contributing to rising allergy prevalence Why understanding diagnosis, prevention, and emergency planning is essential for managing food allergies How asthma functions as an allergic lung condition and what that means for long-term health Why addressing the emotional, social, and practical realities of living with allergies is key forsupporting kids and families Resources mentioned Dr. Zachary Rubin’s Substack All About Allergies: Everything You Need to Know About Asthma, Food Allergies, Hay Fever, and More by Zachary Rubin, MD Dr. Zachary Rubin on Instagram Dr. Zachary Rubin on Threads Dr. Zachary Rubin on Facebook Dr. Zachary Rubin on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Eliza Fricker joins me to talk about PDA or pathological demand avoidance – and in fact I know many people interpret PDA as persistent desire for autonomy. I’ve done a few episodes on PDA before but never from a parent’s perspective so after reading Eliza’s book, The Family Experience of PDA, I knew I wanted to share her perspective with the Tilt community. During this episode, we talked about how demand avoidance is more extreme in a child with a PDA profile vs. the inflexibility and rigidity we might see in other neurodivergent kids, what Eliza has learned about herself parenting a child with PDA, and what her resistance was to the changes needed to her parenting style. Eliza also gave out some great tips for teachers who have a PDA student in their classroom and for parents who are struggling with family, friends, or people close to them who aren’t willing to understand what PDA is and what that means for their family. Things you'll learn from this episode * What makes demand avoidance more extreme in children with PDA * Eliza’s experience in changing her parenting ways to become more flexible * Tweaks teachers can use to work with children who have PDA in a classroom setting * How PDA may look different than “typical demand avoidance” that we might see in some neurodivergent children * What Eliza has learned about herself from parenting a child with PDA * Advice for parents who are raising a child with PDA Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our family has gone through our fair share of big changes, which you’ll hear all about in this episode, so this is something that I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about. Especially as a parent of a differently wired kid, I know that there are some extra challenges that might come up when their routines, environment, life circumstances, or supports change, and our kids are also more likely to be resistant to changes (even if they are beneficial). So today I’ll be sharing the strategies I’ve personally found helpful while going through big transitions with Asher. In this episode, I talk about key things such as why being honest when communicating with your kid is so important to help them understand and process change, how being vulnerable can be a way to show support, how to validate our kids’ feelings about the changes or transitions, and how to identify their concerns so you can make plans to address them in advance. I also share about what adjustment disorder is and the kind of extra support you might need during transitions. What You'll Learn in this Episode The benefits and growth that can come from navigating big changes as a family Why honesty is so important when communicating with your child about big changes What to share versus what not to share with your child about the transitions you go through How to validate the big emotions and thoughts that big transitions can bring up in your child The importance of doing your own work as a parent to be able to support our kids during transitions What adjustment disorder is and the extra support you might need to help your child through one How being vulnerable with your kids can be really supportive for them Identifying the concerns that our kids have and coming up with plans to address them in advance Creating new routines to create security for our kids during big transitions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today we’re talking about something many families know they need to think about—but often don’t know where to begin: financial planning for children with disabilities. My guest is Mary McDirmid, a Chartered Special Needs Consultant and the co-founder and COO of All Needs Planning, a nationwide firm built by caregivers, for caregivers. In our conversation, Mary walks us through why proactive planning matters so much and what it can actually look like in practice. We talk about creating comprehensive care plans, protecting essential benefits, and building a long-term vision that supports not just financial security, but overall well-being. This is an empowering, practical conversation designed to help families feel more prepared, more informed, and more confident about the future. About Dr. Devon Price Mary McDirmid, ChSNC, is the COO and co-founder of All Needs Planning — a nationwide financial planning firm built by caregivers, for caregivers. A Chartered Special Needs Consultant, Mary brings both professional expertise and lived experience as a parent navigating the special needs journey. She specializes in helping families create comprehensive plans that address the financial, legal, and care needs of loved ones with disabilities — from diagnosis through adulthood and beyond. Mary is co-author of the upcoming book Care, Protect, Grow: A Guide to Building Lasting Security for Your Loved One with Special Needs (Wiley, May 2026), which provides a compassionate, step-by-step roadmap for families facing the question of “what happens when I’m no longer here?” Things you'll learn from this episode Why early, ongoing planning is essential for families raising children with special needs How the Care, Protect, and Grow framework supports a comprehensive, long-term vision for care How creating and regularly updating care plans ensures continuity and security for loved ones Why involving siblings and considering long-term roles is an important part of the planning process How active advocacy and participation shape more effective, personalized support systems When and how to begin these conversations so families feel prepared rather than overwhelmed Resources mentioned Mary McDirmid’s website Care, Protect, Grow: A Guide to Building Lasting Security for Your Loved One with Special Needs by Mary McDirmid Book a free meeting with Mary Care, Protect, Grow (on Mary’s website) All Needs Planning Learning Lab ABLE National Resource Center Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today we’re exploring what it means to reconnect with our bodies and how that can transform not just our emotional health, but our parenting and relationships as well, with Celia Bray, a psychologist, somatic therapist, and the award-winning author of Inscribed: Your Body’s Hidden Script. In our conversation, Celia shares her own journey from disconnection to what she calls somatic mastery, and why learning to tune into our body’s signals can be such a powerful guide for decision-making and regulation. We talk about simple, accessible practices parents can begin using right away, and how developing this awareness can shift how we show up—for ourselves and for our kids—with more presence, clarity, and ease. About Celia Bray Celia Bray is a psychologist, somatic therapist, and award-winning author of Inscribed – Your Body’s Hidden Script. With over 20 years’ experience, she has lived and worked internationally across Australia, India, Kenya, and beyond, blending psychology with embodied healing practices. Celia is the founder of Somatic Psychology International, where she supports people to unlock the wisdom written in their bodies so they can heal, grow, and live authentically. She also facilitates Open Floor Movement, Therapy in Motion, and Family Constellations, empowering individuals and communities to reconnect with their freedom and joy. Things you'll learn from this episode How Celia Bray’s personal journey from emotional suppression to somatic healing informs her work Why Gestalt therapy’s focus on present-moment, body-based awareness can be so transformative How trauma and emotional experiences are held in the body—and how somatic practices can support release and integration How simple practices like “Landing in the Body” build awareness and reconnect us with our internal cues Why resistance to body awareness is common, especially within certain cultural contexts, and how to navigate it How somatic work can influence parenting, decision-making, and emotional resilience, and where to begin exploring it Resources mentioned Celia Bray Somatic Psychology Celia Bray’s YouTube Channel Inscribed–Your Body’s Hidden Script: Decode Your Body’s Wisdom for Emotional Healing, Wise Choices, and the Path to an Awesome Life by Celia Bray Pat Ogden’s Sensory Motor Therapy — For further somatic therapy practices Trauma-Informed Yoga — Explore gentle body-based trauma release Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You may recall that last fall, my friend and colleague Penny Williams, a parenting coach for neurodiverse families, the author of four books on ADHD including Boy Without Instructions, and the host of the Beautifully Complex Podcast, and I did a two-part series on what it really looks like to support our neurodivergent young adults as they move toward living self-determined lives – Part one was here on Full-Tilt Parenting, and Part 2 was on Penny’s show. We left a lot of topics on the table, so we’re back with more…parts 3 and 4 in fact. This episode on Full-Tilt Parenting is part 3, where we’ll be focusing on the practical and emotional realities of this stage—financial literacy, accommodations, decision-making, and the often complicated dynamics between parents and young adults. Penny and I share personal stories, strategies that have helped, and some honest reflections on what this phase asks of us. And then you can listen to Part 4 over on Beautifully Complex this Thursday … and in that episode we’ll be talking about things like consent and communication, exploring thinking about future and goals, and how we approach conversations about difficult topics like risky behavior, substance use, and more. About Penny Williams A parenting coach for neurodiverse families, Penny Williams is the award-winning author of four books on ADHD, including Boy Without Instructions, producer and host of the Beautifully Complex Podcast, host of the annual Neurodiversity Summits, and co-creator of The Behavior Revolution Program, a parent training program designed to change the narrative on behavior and help parents celebrate and support their kids with ADHD or autism through neuroscience-backed insights, hard-won strategies, compassion, and guidance. Penny empowers parents to help their neurodivergent kids — and families — thrive. Things you'll learn from this episode How building financial literacy supports independence for neurodivergent young adults Why navigating money management is a key (and often overlooked) part of launching into adulthood How accommodations evolve from college into the workplace—and why they still matter Why parents are continually balancing control, trust, and letting go during this phase How emotional attachment to outcomes can complicate decision-making for both parents and young adults Why outside supports, along with the messy realities of relationships and expectations, are part of the journey Resources mentioned Penny Williams’ Parenting ADHD and Autism website Beautifully Complex Podcast The Real Work of Parenting Neurodivergent Young Adults (Part 1) — a crossover episode with Penny Williams (Beautifully Complex) The Real Work of Parenting Neurodivergent Young Adults (Part 2) — a crossover episode with Penny Williams (Beautifully Complex) Healthy Gamer website Dr. Alok Kanojia on Video Game Addiction and How to Raise Healthy Gamers Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today we’re diving into the nuanced world of circadian rhythm sleep syndromes, and how biological and environmental factors intersect in shaping our children’s sleep. My guest is Alex Mortlock, a registered clinical psychologist who has been in practice since 2010, with training rooted in evidence-based approaches to mental health. Alex will help us unpack what’s actually happening when a child’s sleep rhythm is out of sync, and why this is so often misunderstood. We talk about practical strategies, the role of light exposure and light therapy, and how melatonin can be used thoughtfully to support regulation. About Alex Mortlock Alex Mortlock has been a registered clinical psychologist since 2010, trained at the University of Canterbury with a focus on evidence-based approaches to mental health assessment and treatment. His work is grounded in psychological science, with an emphasis on the interplay of emotion, cognition, and motivation. He uses evidence-based methods to help people make positive changes in their behaviour, fostering an environment of authenticity, acceptance, and understanding. Throughout his career, Alex has had the privilege of witnessing growth and transformation in people from diverse backgrounds — experiences that have reinforced his belief that, with the right support and guidance, everyone has the capacity to flourish. He lives in Christchurch, New Zealand with his wife, who is also a clinical psychologist, and their two over-analysed children. Curiosity, compassion, courage, and flexibility are the values that guide him through the professional and personal challenges that human life presents. Things you'll learn from this episode How circadian rhythms shape sleep patterns and why they matter for children’s overall health Why conditions like delayed sleep phase, advanced sleep phase, and non-24-hour sleep disorders can disrupt typical sleep cycles How neurodivergence can influence light sensitivity and circadian regulation Why gradual light exposure, environmental adjustments, and low-dose melatonin can help realign sleep rhythms How habits like late-night screen use can interfere with healthy sleep patterns When to seek professional support and how parents can practically support their child’s sleep development Resources mentioned Alex Mortlock’s website Late Nights, Later Days: The Under-Recognized Impact of Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome in ADHD (Additude Magazine) Reset Your Inner Clock: The Drug-Free Way to Your Best-Ever Sleep, Mood, and Energy by Michael Termin, PhD Prevalence of Obstructive Sleep Apnea in Joint Hypermobility Syndrome: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis (National Institute of Health) Article on Light Boxes (Yale School of Medicine) Light Therapy Visors (results page from Amazon search) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices