Legally Clueless

What happens when you stop carrying shame that was never yours to begin with?In this deeply personal Season 6 finale of For Mannerless Women, Adelle Onyango sits down with award-winning creative producer Queen Gathoni to explore what it means to reclaim your voice, your story and ultimately, yourself.After surviving an abusive marriage and leaving with her young daughter, Gathoni rebuilt her life.Years later, she made the courageous decision to turn her experience into Free Me, a powerful theatre production about gender-based violence.In this conversation, Gathoni opens up about the fear of telling her story publicly, the judgment and backlash she faced, her daughter's powerful response to seeing their story on stage, and how the experience transformed her relationship with herself.They also explore why survivors carry shame that doesn't belong to them, the importance of having people who believe and support you, and why healing isn't only about confronting the past.It's also about pursuing joy, embracing new experiences and building a life beyond what hurt you.Because you are more than what happened to you. And you deserve a life that is bigger than what you survived.Thank you for being Mannerless with us throughout Season 6! CONNECT WITH GATHONI:https://www.instagram.com/queengathoni/RESOURCES:Usikimye - https://www.usikimye.orgHealthcare Assistance Kenya(HAK) - hotline number 1195Gender Violence Recovery Centre (GVRC) - https://gvrc.co.keFamily Health International - For psychosocial support of victims⁠Center For Rights, Education and Awareness - Toll free number 0800-720-186CONNECT WITH LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICA Website & Newsletter:https://www.legallycluelessafrica.com/ Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/ TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/c/LegallyCluelessYoutube SHARE YOUR STORY WITH US https://forms.gle/kMn7Wae5N563JFGQ8 #ForMannerlessWomen #QueenGathoni #LegallyClueless #AfricanWomen #WomenHealing #GenderBasedViolence

In the concluding part of Makena's story, a terrifying suspicion becomes reality when she confronts her partner about accessing her private conversations and information on her phone. What follows is a deeply personal account of digital surveillance, emotional abuse and coercive control, and the lasting impact of having your privacy, independence and sense of safety violated by someone you trusted.Makena reflects on the warning signs she struggled to recognise, how her relationship gradually isolated her from the people she loved, and what it took to begin reclaiming her freedom.Her story reminds us that abuse doesn't have to be physical to be devastating, and control is not love.🎧Catch Part 1 of Makena's story in Episode 398.RESOURCES: UNDERSTANDING COERCIVE CONTROL & GETTING SUPPORT: Coercive control is a pattern of abusive behaviour designed to intimidate, isolate, monitor or restrict another person's freedom and independence.If you or someone you know is experiencing coercive control or other forms of abuse, the following organisations may be able to offer support:UsikimyeSupport and advocacy for survivors of gender-based violence.https://www.usikimye.org Healthcare Assistance Kenya (HAK)National Gender-Based Violence Hotline.Call: 1195Gender Violence Recovery Centre (GVRC)Medical, psychosocial and other support services for survivors of gender-based violence.https://gvrc.co.ke Family Health International (FHI)Psychosocial support for survivors of violence. Contact the organisation to establish which services and referral programmes are currently available.Centre for Rights Education and Awareness (CREAW)Legal assistance, advocacy and support for survivors of gender-based violence.Toll-free: 0800-720-186If you suspect someone is monitoring your phone or online activity, consider seeking help using a device they cannot access.MORE FROM LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICAMid Week Tease: When We Confuse Control for LoveLast week, Adelle unpacked how controlling behaviours can be mistaken for expressions of love, how to recognise unhealthy relationship patterns, and why love should never cost you your freedom. Listen to the episode: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0zHpswyKbweoPf6QdYEWEM?si=hStXBVZ6Q_-ccW053v13EA&utm_source=whatsapp SHARE YOUR STORY Have a story you'd like to share on the Legally Clueless podcast?https://forms.gle/JMrQD55jcrazKFKX7 WATCH FOR MANNERLESS WOMEN Conversations about healing, self-worth, relationships and becoming shame-free women.https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyCluelessAfrica CONNECT WITH US Website: https://www.legallycluelessafrica.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafricaFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/legallycluelessafrica YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyCluelessAfrica New episodes of Legally Clueless every Monday.I truly appreciate you, and I know you have everything it takes to heal.

What happens when control doesn’t actually feel like control? Sometimes it sounds like, “I just worry about you.” Sometimes jealousy feels like proof that someone really cares. Sometimes constantly checking in feels like closeness. And sometimes we slowly begin changing how we dress, who we see, where we go and what we say just to keep the peace.Inspired by Makena’s story on Legally Clueless, this week on The Mid Week Tease, Adelle unpacks how easily control can be mistaken for love in romantic relationships and why one of the most revealing questions we can ask is: What happens when I say no?In this episode, we talk about:Why jealousy and possessiveness can sometimes feel romanticThe difference between care, consideration and controlWhat your partner’s response to “no” can revealHow we can slowly start policing ourselves to keep the peaceThe difference between privacy and secrecy in relationshipsWhy boundaries and control are not the same thingHow to notice when your world is becoming smaller inside a relationshipWhy “But they love me” isn’t always enoughThe importance of maintaining your autonomy while loving someoneAnd perhaps the biggest question of all:Can you be fully yourself while being loved by this person?Join the Legally Clueless community:https://www.legallycluelessafrica.com Follow Legally Clueless Africa: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafricaYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@legallycluelessafrica

What happens when choosing yourself means creating distance from the people who raised you?This week on For Mannerless Women, Adelle sits down with psychologist Ivanna Waweru for an honest conversation about family, boundaries, identity and going no-contact.Ivanna shares her own experience of growing up in a chaotic and critical family environment, the different versions of herself she became in order to survive it, and the years she spent trying to repair her relationship with her mother before eventually deciding to go no-contact.Together, Adelle and Ivanna unpack why setting boundaries in African families can be particularly difficult, the difference between self-confidence and self-worth, the grief and relief that can coexist after going no-contact, learning to express anger, breaking inherited patterns and rediscovering who you are outside of the roles your family gave you.They also explore what happens after you create that distance: taking responsibility for your own life, building new support systems, creating new traditions and slowly giving yourself permission to want more including softness, ease and good things.CONNECT WITH IVANNA WAWERUInstagram: [https://www.instagram.com/ivannawaweruIvanna Waweru Digital Products Selar Shop: https://selar.com/m/ivanna-waweru1Email: [email protected] THE LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICA COMMUNITY Website:https://legallycluelessafrica.com/ Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/ YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyCluelessAfrica Subscribe to our newsletter:https://legallycluelessafrica.comShare this episode with a Mannerless or almost-Mannerless Woman in your life.#ForMannerlessWomen #LegallyClueless #FamilyBoundaries #NoContact #SelfWorth #AfricanWomen #Healing

In the final part of Lisa Gaitho’s story, we follow her through one of the most personal shifts of her journey: questioning what she had been taught about faith and beginning to discover what spirituality could look like for herself. Lisa opens up about questioning Christianity, confronting how judgmental she had once been, and rebuilding her relationship with God outside of some of the beliefs she had inherited.She also reflects on purpose, business, provision and learning to trust the unexpected ways her life has unfolded.Across all three parts, Lisa’s story has taken us through leaving school, moving countries, changing careers, searching for belonging and eventually questioning some of the things she once believed without question. Her story is a reminder that sometimes questioning everything doesn't mean you're lost. Sometimes, it's part of finding your own way.Listen to Parts 1 and 2 first to experience Lisa’s full story.CONNECT WITH LISA:https://www.instagram.com/lisagaithoAnd this weekend, we held the very first For Mannerless Women Live! Over 100 women gathered for an afternoon of honest conversations, laughter, connection and taking up space. Keep an eye on our socials as we share more from this special day.For Mannerless Women Live was brought to life with our event partners Spotify and Trademark Suites at Enaki Town.Follow Legally Clueless AfricaInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafricaYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyCluelessAfricaWebsite: https://www.legallycluelessafrica.com/

When was the last time you spent time alone without reaching for your phone, filling the silence, or asking someone else what they think?This week on The Mid Week Tease, Adelle Onyango explores how solitude and silence can help women reconnect with themselves, rediscover what they actually want, and rebuild trust in their own intuition.From the expectations placed on women to constantly be available to others, to the discomfort that can arise when everything finally goes quiet, this episode is an invitation to get curious about the relationship you have with yourself.In this episode, Adelle unpacks:Why being alone can feel uncomfortable when we've spent years prioritizing other people's needs.How silence can help us recognize our own preferences, desires, and boundaries.The difference between intuition, fear, and anxiety.Why solitude and loneliness aren't the same thing, and why needing connection is human.Five practical ways to create more intentional moments of solitude in your everyday life.Because learning to enjoy your own company isn't about becoming a woman who needs nobody. It's about becoming a woman who knows herself.RESOURCES MENTIONED Solitude as an Approach to Affective Self-Regulation — Nguyen, Ryan & Deci (2018)https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167217733073 CONNECT WITH US Website: https://legallycluelessafrica.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyCluelessAfrica Subscribe to our newsletter via our website for more conversations, reflections, and resources for women.New episodes of The Mid Week Tease every Wednesday!

What happens when the person who once made you feel like the centre of their world becomes the person who makes you question your worth?The constant attention. The big promises. The feeling that you've finally found someone who truly understands you. And then, slowly, the affection changes. The criticism begins. Your boundaries are tested. You find yourself holding on to the person they were at the beginning.In Part 1 of this conversation on For Mannerless Women, Adelle sits down with psychologist and trauma therapist Perpetua Chomba to unpack how narcissistic abuse can begin, how it can escalate, and why recognising and leaving a harmful relationship can be so difficult. They explore love bombing, future faking, gaslighting and the cycle of devaluing, discard and hoovering. They also discuss how inconsistent affection can strengthen attachment, why setting boundaries matters, and how our earliest experiences of love can shape the relationships we find ourselves in as adults.In this episode, we explore:Love bombing and future faking: when intensity is mistaken for intimacyHow someone responds when you set a boundaryGaslighting, silent treatment and emotional manipulationFinancial abuse, isolation and other forms of controlThe cycle of devaluing, discard and hooveringNarcissistic patterns in family relationshipsTrauma bonds and why leaving can feel so difficultHow the highs and lows of a relationship can become familiarLearning to recognise consistent love without abandoning yourselfIn Part 2, Adelle and Perpetua explore healing from narcissistic abuse and answer questions sent in by the For Mannerless Women community.CONNECT WITH PERPETUA CHOMBA Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therapist_perpetuaTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@therapistperpetua RESOURCES RECOMMENDED BY PERPETUA The covert Passive aggressive narcissist by debbie mirza bookWill I ever be good enough healing daughters of narcissistic mothers by karyl McBrideBoundaries by Dr henry cloudJOIN THE LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICA COMMUNITYWebsite: https://www.legallycluelessafrica.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/LegallyCluelessYoutubeSHARE YOUR STORY https://forms.gle/kMn7Wae5N563JFGQ8 If this conversation helps you put language to something you've experienced, share it with another woman who may need it.Subscribe to For Mannerless Women wherever you get your podcasts so you don't miss Part 2.#ForMannerlessWomen #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #LoveBombing #TraumaBonds #AfricanWomen #LegallyCluelessAfrica

How do you figure out what you want to do with your life when nothing seems to quite fit?In Part 1 of Lisa Gaitho’s story, she takes us from a playful childhood growing up in Nairobi West to a high school experience she desperately wanted to escape and into years of trying to figure out where she belonged. Lisa tried journalism. She tried hotel and restaurant management. She eventually found culinary school, which took her from Nairobi to South Africa. But when she returned home ready to begin her career, the reality she encountered made her question whether this was the life she wanted after all. Suddenly, she was back home watching the people around her move forward while she wrestled with one overwhelming question: What am I actually doing with my life? Lisa speaks candidly about the pressure she put on herself to have everything figured out, feeling like she was wasting time, and how dark that period of uncertainty became. And just when she has no idea what comes next, she meets someone who will take her life in a completely unexpected direction. This is Part 1 of Lisa’s three-part story.CONTENT NOTE: This episode includes a brief discussion of suicidal ideation.Connect with Lisa Gaitho: https://www.instagram.com/lisagaithoHave a story you’d like to share on Legally Clueless?Submit your story here:https://forms.gle/JMrQD55jcrazKFKX7CONNECT WITH LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICAInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafricaFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/legallycluelessafrica/Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyCluelessAfrica