The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Today we're talking about drinking, emotional sobriety, and what both have to do with navigating divorce. I've shared my own sobriety journey on the show before, including how heavily I relied on alcohol to cope with trauma I didn't yet have the words to describe. At the time, drinking felt like the easiest way to get through it. Looking back, I wish I'd had better tools, and that's exactly why I wanted to have this conversation. My guest, Colleen Freeland, is an Intuitive Drinking Coach and host of the globally top-ranked It's Not About the Alcohol podcast. She founded Emotional Sobriety Coaching to help high-achieving professional women reduce their alcohol consumption by 80% without relying on willpower or deprivation. Her approach combines neuroscience, cognitive reframing, and spirituality to help women change their relationship with alcohol. She's also been through divorce twice, so she brings both professional expertise and personal experience to this conversation. Together, we unpack mommy wine culture and how drinking has become such a normalized response to the stress and overwhelm women experience. Colleen challenges the idea that overdrinking is about overindulgence, arguing instead that it's often a symptom of self-neglect. We explore what emotional sobriety actually looks like, how to distinguish fear from intuition, and why the emotional state we're in when making decisions about our marriages matters. And we talk about what happens when women stop numbing their feelings and start paying attention to what those feelings are telling them. As Colleen jokes, her future swag might just say, "Emotionally sober. Warning: May cause divorce." What you'll hear about in this episode When drinking shifts from something we do for enjoyment to something we rely on to manage stress, and how alcohol became "mommy's little helper" (4:32) What emotional sobriety really means and how to stop being intoxicated by our own emotions (11:40) Why quitting drinking doesn't automatically resolve shame, guilt, or perfectionism, and the emotional work that can remain (21:43) How unresolved patterns can follow us into new relationships, even after we've left an unhappy marriage (25:30) How to distinguish fear from intuition, and why intuition is an awareness rather than an immediate call to action (37:57) Learn more about Colleen Freeland: Colleen Freeland is an Intuitive Drinking Coach and host of the globally top-ranked It's Not About the Alcohol podcast. Colleen founded Emotional Sobriety Coaching© for high achieving professional women who want to reduce alcohol consumption by 80 percent. She combines holistic and evidence-based strategies in Neurophysiology, Cognitive Reframing, and Spirituality to reprogram the mind and body - so you actually prefer drinking in moderation. Colleen secretly struggled with Alcohol Use Disorder for over 20 years before discovering that the solution to overdrinking is to get happy, not sober. She is an Addiction and Recovery-Certified Master Life Coach with an MSc in Health Coaching, a BS in Biology and Chemistry Education, and is certified as a Women's Functional and Integrative Health Professional. Resources & Links: Unbreakable Retreat Private Coaching Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Strategy Toolkit Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Colleen's website Colleen on Instagram Colleen on TikTok Colleen on YouTube Colleen on Facebook =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. ===================

Today we're having a conversation that so many of us need to have but don't want to have, and that's end-of-life planning in the middle of a divorce. Divorce already comes with so many choices, and most of them feel urgent, so the paperwork that comes with planning for the end tends to fall through the cracks. But updating healthcare proxies, beneficiaries, and wills needs a place on that list too. My guest this week is here to help us feel a little more at ease and organized about all of it. Marni Blank is an End-of-Life & After-Loss Consultant and the founder of Begin With The End, a Brooklyn-based practice that helps people get their lives in order before a crisis forces the issue. Together, Marni and I walk through what actually needs updating, even in the thick of decision fatigue, from healthcare proxies and living wills to powers of attorney and guardianship. We also talk about why a spouse may still be the one making medical decisions if the divorce isn't final, and why naming an executor without asking first is a big ask. Doing this work now, while we're clear-headed, means we're not scrambling in the middle of grief or a crisis later. What you'll hear about in this episode: Where to start with updating paperwork after divorce, the documents and accounts beyond the obvious ones, and why it's never just paperwork (2:59) The grief that comes with naming someone new as healthcare proxy after a spouse has held that role, and how to sit with that decision (3:57) Beneficiaries, wills, trusts, and the other pieces worth revisiting while going through divorce, not just after it's final (8:06) Why the people we choose for these roles need to be asked first, and what they're really signing up for (9:34) How to think about our digital life and legacy, from legacy contacts to changing passwords (19:06) Why so many newly divorced people don't want to think about the end when they're finally starting a new chapter, and why it's actually a good time to plan (23:23) Learn more about Marni Blank: Marni Blank is an End-of-Life & After-Loss Consultant and the founder of Begin With The End, a practice that helps people get their affairs, their digital lives, and their wishes in order so the people they love aren't left guessing. A former attorney and trained mediator with training as an end-of-life doula and after-loss specialist, Marni came to this work after her parents' own health issues showed her how much most families haven't thought through, even the organized ones. Her clients include solo agers, sandwich-generation caregivers, people newly divorced or widowed, and executors working through an estate. She regularly speaks on topics related to death, dying and grief. Marni works virtually across the U.S. and in person around New York City. She writes The Hourglass, a weekly newsletter, and is the creator of the upcoming Plan Well Organizer, a guided system for getting your life documented in one place. She firmly believes that in order to live well today, we must plan well for tomorrow. She lives in Brooklyn with her labradoodle, Penny. Resources & Links: Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Strategy Toolkit Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Marni's website Marni on LinkedIn Marni on Instagram Disclaimer: The commentary and opinions available on this podcast are for informational and entertainment purposes only and not for the purpose of providing legal or psychological advice. You should contact an attorney, coach, or therapist in your state to obtain advice with respect to any particular issue or problem.

There was a stretch of my life where I could not be alone. Not because I loved being social so much, but because without someone else in the room, I did not know who I was. No plans for the night meant a full blown panic attack. What was I supposed to do with myself? More importantly, who even was I? Turns out that is not just a me thing. It has a name, emotional outsourcing, and it is exactly what I dig into with my guest Beatriz (Béa) Victoria Albina, author of End Emotional Outsourcing: How to Overcome Your Codependent, Perfectionist, and People-Pleasing Habits. She also hosts the Feminist Wellness Podcast, and from the first minute we hit record, it was clear this was going to be one of those conversations we could have kept going all day. We get into emotional outsourcing, the term Béa uses for the codependent, people-pleasing, and perfectionist habits so many of us learned as survival strategies. We also talk about how somatic work actually changes us, instead of just helping us understand our patterns intellectually. And if you are Gen X or a Xennial, this is your bonus round. Somewhere around the Mac LE2 and Saved by the Bell, we take a short detour into nostalgia. What you'll hear about in this episode: What emotional outsourcing actually is, and why Béa uses it as the catch-all term underneath codependency, people-pleasing, and perfectionism (5:19) Using TV and movies as a mirror for healthy relating, and why even a show as savage as Veep can retrain your brain to recognize what it's missing (10:52) How Béa defines the differences between codependency, people-pleasing, and perfectionism, and why they are survival habits, not character flaws (23:50) Why knowing your patterns intellectually isn't the same as changing them, and how somatic experiencing helps your body believe a new story (20:24) The reticular activating system and the default mode network, the two brain regions that keep us running the same old stories until we interrupt them (25:47) Béa's "kitten steps" approach to rebuilding trust with yourself, starting as small as actually letting yourself pee when you have to pee (30:52) Learn more about Beatriz (Béa) Victoria Albina, NP, MPH, SEP: Beatriz (Béa) Victoria Albina, NP, MPH, SEP (she/her) is a UCSF-trained Family Nurse Practitioner, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Master Certified Somatic Life Coach, author of the bestselling "End Emotional Outsourcing: How to Overcoming Your Codependent, Perfectionist and People Pleasing Habits" and Breathwork Meditation Guide with a passion for helping humans socialized as women to reconnect with their bodies, regulate their nervous systems and rewire their minds, so they can break free from codependency, perfectionism and people pleasing and reclaim their joy.

After divorce, medical decisions don't stop. Kids still need vaccines, dental appointments, medications, evaluations, therapy, all of it. In high-conflict or parallel parenting, even basic healthcare decisions can become a new arena for control, misinformation, and sabotage. To help navigate this, I'm talking with board-certified pediatrician Dr. Madeline Gagnon, a complex care specialist who has worked with families at Boston Children's Hospital and other leading institutions. We get into how kids get pulled into adult conflict without realizing it, what healthy conflict actually looks like between co-parents, and what child-centered medical decision-making means when parents don't agree. We also tackle a question that comes up constantly: if you're going to keep fighting these battles anyway, shouldn't you just stay in the marriage? It's a conversation about knowing what's worth going to bat for, what isn't, and how to keep your kids at the center. What you'll hear about in this episode: What child-centered medical decision-making looks like when you and your co-parent don't agree (3:49) How triangulation shows up in divorced families, often more subtly than you'd expect, and how kids get pulled into it without even realizing what's happening (17:44) Whether staying together just to keep the peace and avoid future battles is really the safer choice for your kids (28:23) Wisdom for the mom who feels like she's fighting an uphill battle just to get her kid the care they need (44:13) What healthy conflict actually looks like between exes, and how to move toward it instead of away from it (46:54) Learn more about Dr. Madeleine Gagnon: Dr. Madeleine Gagnon is a board-certified pediatrician, qualified neutral mediator, and advocate for family communication and conflict resolution. A graduate of Georgetown University School of Medicine, she has worked for leading institutions including Boston Children's Hospital. She is the founder of BRIDGE Health Consulting, which helps families navigate conflict, grief, trauma, and life transitions; PULSE, a social initiative for teens and their parents that promotes communication and confidence through mentorship and social media; and BRIDGE To Home, which provides in-home support services for individuals with disabilities and mental health needs. Through years of work spanning both the clinic and community, Dr. Gagnon delivers practical, real-world approaches to everyday challenges that resonate meaningfully with parents, children, and teens alike. A trusted voice on parenting, adolescence, and family dynamics, Dr. Gagnon is frequently featured as a medical expert on network television and public radio affiliates. Resources & Links: Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Strategy Toolkit Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Listeners can exclusively book a free 15–20 minute Parent Strategy Call with Dr. Gagnon Dr. Gagnon's website Dr. Gagnon on Instagram (Resources for Parents) Dr. Gagnon on Instagram (Resources for Teens) Dr. Gagnon on Instagram Dr. Gagnon on Facebook =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. ===================

Laurie James, somatic practitioner, coach, and author of Sandwiched, returns to talk about the rise of misogyny and what it means for women inside their relationships, their families, and the broader culture. This is a conversation we've both been having for years—in our own lives and with the women we work with every day—and it felt like time to have it out loud, together. Throughout our conversation, we unpack what misogyny actually is, how it shows up in ways women are often taught to minimize or normalize, and what living with it does to the body and nervous system over time. We also talk about what happens when the overwhelm becomes so intense that even identifying the next step—let alone making a plan—feels impossible. And we get into the question of when survival is no longer enough. When is it time to stop simply getting through the day and begin pushing back, speaking up, or making a change? That timing is deeply personal, and it matters more than people often realize. We're not having this conversation to frighten women or tell them what they should do. We're having it so they can better understand what they're experiencing, trust what their bodies have been telling them, and begin finding their way toward safety. What you'll hear about in this episode: What misogyny actually means and how it can show up inside a relationship (7:34) The physical toll of living under chronic stress, including the possible connection to autoimmune disease (13:36) Practical ways to regulate your nervous system when you're too overwhelmed to think clearly, much less make a plan (18:53) What current data reveals about the rise of misogyny in the United States over the past several years (25:35) Why healing may need to come before advocacy (36:03) How to approach dating with less fear in a cultural climate that can make it feel increasingly unsafe (38:42) Learn more about Laurie James: Laurie James is a mother, divorcée, recovering caregiver turned author, certified somatic practitioner & coach, and podcaster. With over 15 years' experience in energy work, somatic healing, parts work, and coaching. Laurie's podcast, Confessions of a Freebird, was inspired by her youngest of four children leaving the nest and is the sequel to her book, Sandwiched: A Memoir of Holding On and Letting Go. Laurie's book is about her journey from loneliness to finding belonging during a time when she was raising four teenage daughters, her mother had a heart attack and needed care, all while her marriage began to crumble. Now Laurie helps people divorce, heal, and date differently in midlife. She blends her coaching, somatic experiencing, and internal family systems training to help improve her clients relationships through befriending their body, nervous system, and parts that are protecting them. Doing so allows them to find the inner freedom to experience more happiness, joy, and create the life they desire. When she is not coaching clients or podcasting, she can be found nurturing her free spirit by walking her dog, skiing, sailing, hiking, volunteering, spending time with close friends or planning her next adventure. Resources & Links: Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Strategy Toolkit Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Laurie's website Laurie on Instagram Laurie on Facebook Laurie on LinkedIn Episode 95: Toxic Abuser-in-Chief: What Politics Has to Do With Your Marriage =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. ===================

They say art imitates life, and this episode is a perfect example. My guest—and new bestie—is Elle Baade, author of the novel Consequences of Normal. The book follows Jane, a mother fighting to find her voice and advocate for her child, who is clearly and joyfully transgender, while her husband insists it's only a phase. As Jane supports her child, the journey begins to reshape their entire family, including her marriage, and raises a much bigger question: What is normal, anyway? While the novel is fiction, Elle is the mother of a transgender child herself. Jane's story draws from everything Elle has learned while raising her own child, as well as the experiences of the many parents she's met along the way. What you'll hear about in this episode: What inspired Elle to write Consequences of Normal and why this story feels especially important right now (2:44) How a child coming out as transgender can affect a marriage, particularly when one parent is further along in understanding and acceptance than the other (8:39) The devastating rates of self-harm among transgender youth—and why supporting a trans child isn't simply about affirmation, but can be a matter of life and death (15:14) Why "normal" is a social construct, and how questioning it can open the door to greater honesty and authenticity (23:26) The conversations Elle hopes this book will spark among families struggling to understand and support one another (31:42) Learn more about Elle Baade: After years of writing freelance for local and regional publications, Elle Baade now writes upmarket women's fiction about empowering women. She writes about unique family dynamics to show that we are all more alike than we are different and that there is no such thing as normal. Elle writes to open pathways for communication around hard things where women have historically been encouraged to stay silent. Elle is the mother of four children, one of whom is transgender. Resources & Links: Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Strategy Toolkit Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Elle's book, Consequences of Normal Elle on TikTok Elle on Instagram Elle on Facebook Elle's website =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. ===================

Separation is one of those words that confuses, intrigues, and scares a lot of people. In fact, one of the first questions that comes up for many considering divorce is, "Should we legally separate first?" I wanted to break down what legal separation actually means, what it requires, and what it protects you from, so I brought back attorney and founder of Sodoma Law, Nicole Sodoma. Nicole has built a career on helping people navigate the legal side of divorce without losing sight of the emotional side. We get into what actually constitutes legal separation, what happens if you stay married but live apart under an agreement, and why a postnup might be one of the most useful tools you might not have considered. If you're standing at the edge of this decision, you don't have to have it all figured out today. Give yourself the information, give yourself the time, and find the right people to have in your corner. That's how you get through this well. What you'll hear about in this episode: How legal separation can mean different things depending on your state (2:29) What actually constitutes legal separation, and how that gets determined (5:30) The benefits and drawbacks of filing for legal separation before divorce, in states that require it (10:00) The upside and the risk of staying legally married while living apart under a mutually beneficial agreement, such keeping health insurance (12:55) What a postnup is and how it can actually help save a marriage (15:50) Reasons you might not want to separate yet (24:39) Why putting space between a trigger and your response matters more than you think (32:29) Learn more about Nicole Sodoma: As a marriage-loving divorce attorney of 25 years, Nicole Sodoma has pioneered a way through the often- dreaded field of family law with integrity, compassion, and tenacity. Over the years, Nicole has risen to prominence as a national authority on divorce, custody, and co-parenting. However, Nicole never expected to go through a divorce herself. Through her professional and personal learnings, Nicole authored her first book, PLEASE DON'T SAY YOU'RE SORRY in 2022. The book is a witty, honest, and wildly relatable account of the stripped-down realities of marriage, separation, and divorce. While there's no denying that divorce sucks, PLEASE DON'T SAY YOUR'E SORRY serves as a reminder that although the journey can be wholly overwhelming and emotionally exhausting - it also doesn't have to be the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Nicole's new PLEASE DON'T SAY YOU'RE SORRY Workbook is the perfect companion to the book or audiobook, featuring thought-provoking questions, inspirational quotes and must-have relationship worksheets, perfect for anyone navigating marriage, separation or divorce. Resources & Links: Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Strategy Toolkit Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Nicole's website Nicole on LinkedIn Nicole on Instagram Nicole on Facebook =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. ===================