The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

You left the toxic relationship. You legally divorced, you financially divorced, you physically moved out, and somehow they still have you. You wake up angry, ruminating, unable to stop thinking about what they did, and wondering what's wrong with you. The answer is nothing. Your nervous system changed while you were in that relationship.This episode is about what's actually happening in your body and brain, and the tools that get you free (and winning). Returning guest Jackie Miller is the one walking us through it. She's a high-conflict divorce coach, speaker, and host of the podcast Out of Crazy Town, and she has a new book out called Winning: Rewiring Your Brain and Reclaiming Your Life After Toxic Love. She blends neuroscience, psychology, and practical strategy to help people break free from toxic relationship dynamics and build a life that feels peaceful, purposeful, and free. What you'll hear about in this episode: The strategic way toxic exes keep you emotionally hooked after you leave, and why your nervous system stays stuck in response mode long after the abuse (3:02) Why you have to understand the "why" behind your healing tools instead of just doing them because someone told you to (as Jackie says, "you need know why the antibiotic works to finish the whole course") (11:14) The reminder that if you keep working on yourself, you really will move through the entanglement, even when it doesn't feel like anything is changing (17:55) What happens when you're hijacked and spiraling, and how remembering your future gives your brain a map to follow (26:24) How to disengage when a toxic ex is relentless, and start untangling yourself from the dynamic you were caught in (34:05) Learn more about Jackie Miller: Jackie Miller is a high-conflict divorce coach, speaker, author of Winning: Rewiring Your Brain and Reclaiming Your Life After Toxic Love, and host of the podcast Out of Crazytown. Drawing from her background in science and years of experience supporting survivors of post-separation abuse, Jackie helps individuals break free from toxic relationship dynamics, reclaim their sense of self, and rebuild a life rooted in clarity, confidence, and peace. Through her work, Jackie blends neuroscience, psychology, and practical strategy to explain why healing after emotional control can feel so hard and how survivors can begin to retrain their brain, disengage from manipulation, and step out of survival mode. Her mission is to help people stop fighting for validation from those committed to misunderstanding them and start redirecting their energy toward their own freedom, power, and future. Resources & Links: Registration is now open for the Unbreakable Retreat!Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Strategy ToolkitPhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Jackie's websiteJackie's bookJackie on Instagram Jackie on YouTube Jackie's podcast =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. ===================

Understanding the psychology of a narcissist is the topic of conversation this week, with my guest Chelsey Brooke Cole. Chelsey is a licensed psychotherapist, expert in narcissistic abuse recovery, and bestselling author of If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakable Self-Worth. She specializes in helping people understand the psychology of narcissists so they can trust themselves again after narcissistic abuse. Here's the thing about narcissists that can be so disorienting at first: they are fundamentally different from you. This episode gets into the psychology behind it all. Why narcissists operate the way they do, what the different types actually look like, how they show up in relationships, and what the path back to yourself really involves. Because understanding what you were actually dealing with is usually where the healing starts. What you'll hear about in this episode: Why narcissists are not like you: the personality trait most survivors share, and why it works against them. (2:16) The trauma myth: does trauma cause narcissism? Chelsey shares her insights. (6:33) Six types of narcissists: what each one looks like, and why the most dangerous ones often look the most harmless. (8:44) How narcissists approach communication: what they're actually doing in conversations, and why it's designed to keep you stuck.(26:42) The healing journey: the micro-shifts that actually move the needle, and where to start when you don't even know yourself anymore. (33:30) Learn more about Chelsey Brooke Cole: Chelsey Brooke Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, Certified Partner Trauma Therapist, and best-selling author of If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth. She specializes in narcissistic abuse and complex trauma, with her work routinely featured in outlets like USA Today, HuffPost, and Psychology Today. Chelsey provides support to thousands of narcissistic abuse survivors each day through her speaking, writing, podcast, and comprehensive healing programs. She is the host of Restoring Resilience, a podcast dedicated to helping survivors heal and reclaim their lives, and the creator of Rewired for Resilience: Reclaiming Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse. Resources & Links: Registration is now open for the Unbreakable Retreat!Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Chelsey's websiteGet a free e-book copy of Chelsey's book: If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-WorthChelsey's Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Chelsey on Instagram =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. ===================

Dr. Christine Cocchiola is back with a brand-new children's book called Every Moment of Every Day. It's a book for kids who are going back and forth between homes when one of those homes isn't safe. It gives children language for what they're feeling, and it gives protective parents a roadmap for how to support them when they come home. This book does something I haven't seen in any other children's book about divorce: it integrates somatic healing methods to help kids move out of survival mode and back into connection. It also gives children something abusers never do: choice and agency. We also talk about how to co-regulate when your child comes home dysregulated, which is so hard to do, but so incredibly important. And I ask Dr. C for her thoughts on the way narcissists and coercive controllers are often conflated. She explains why they are not the same. This is the kind of conversation that reminds me why we can't stop being fierce advocates for the people we work with every day. As Dr. C says, when kids finally connect the dots and the attachment gets rebuilt, it's the most beautiful thing to watch. And it starts with you. What you'll hear about in this episode: Why Dr. C wrote a children's book specifically for kids in shared custody situations with an abusive parent, and what she was trying to give them (4:59) How the book helps kids identify what they're feeling in their body, not just their emotions (6:43) What makes this book different from other divorce books, which tend to normalize and soften when kids actually need to be seen (9:53) How the book integrates somatic healing methods, and what that looks like in practice (10:42) Why narcissists and coercive controllers are not the same, and why that distinction matters enormously for how you navigate these systems (21:48) What Dr. C has learned from her own experience of parental alienation, and the beautiful reunification stories she's seeing now (34:12) Why telling your kids "Dad loves you and is doing the best he can" may actually be gaslighting them (37:33) Learn more about Dr. Christine Cocchiola: Christine M. Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW, is a recognized expert on coercive control and its impact on adult and child victims. As a college professor of social work, she earned her Doctorate in Clinical Social Work from New York University, where she was mentored by Dr. Evan Stark, a leading authority on coercive control. Dr. Cocchiola presents internationally on the dynamics of coercive control, educating professionals, advocates, and protective parents about children's lived experiences and the most effective intervention strategies for victims of abuse. A social justice advocate since age 19, she developed The Protective Parenting Program, an evidence-based, attachment-focused therapeutic model designed for parents whose children have been harmed by abusive partners. As both a survivor and protective parent, Dr. Cocchiola brings personal insight to her professional work. She is the author of the children's book Every Moment of Every Day and co-author of FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld. Her TEDx talk with over 1.4 M views, "It is ALL Coercive Control," is available on YouTube. Resources & Links: Registration is now open for the Unbreakable Retreat!Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Dr. Cocchiola's website Dr. C on Instagram Dr. C on Facebook =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. =================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-370-the-book-every-protective-parent-needs-helping-children-heal-from-coercive-control-with-dr-christine-cocchiola/

If you own a business, or your spouse does, or you built one together, divorce just got more complicated. You may be wondering, how will divorce impact the business? I'm so glad I have returning guest Jennifer Lee to answer this and other important questions. In this episode, we get into what happens to the business you built together, what happens when there's been financial infidelity and the numbers don't add up or what to do when your spouse suddenly claims the business is tanking right as divorce hits the table. Whether you're co-owners trying to figure out what comes next, or you're staring down a spouse who suddenly can't account for where the money went, this conversation will help you understand what you have, what you're owed, and how to make sure you don't walk away with less than you deserve. What you'll hear about in this episode: Running the business together and getting divorced: whether you can actually keep it going, and what you need to get in writing when you do (2:36) When there's financial infidelity, the divorce is not amicable and what it takes to get to the real value of a business that's caught in the middle (6:04) Some considerations for business asset division during divorce (13:10) What to do when divorce is on the table and all of a sudden "the business isn't worth anything!" (17:23) How to handle avoidance and secrecy around financial disclosures (23:06) How Jennifer works with clients in the middle of a divorce, from financial triage to making sure you are walking away with what you are owed (25:12) Learn more about Jennifer Lee: Originally from Maryland, Jennifer brought her over 27 years (44 years if you count going into the office with her father as a child) of expertise in the financial services industry to Florida. Jennifer has found that a relationship with an advisor is most critical at the intersections in life where emotions collide with financial events. She enjoys facilitating her clients through challenges as they experience life's upsets such as divorce, the loss of a spouse, or business to retirement transition. Whether you are experiencing divorce, a business client expanding or selling your operation, or a couple wanting to make sure they have provided for their family, Modern-Wealth may be a good fit. Jennifer provides a fresh perspective to the financial planning process by digging deep to understand what drives her clients. At Modern-Wealth, they build long-lasting relationships. As part of their process, they encourage clients to communicate their values to the most important people in their lives by writing a family love letter. This led her to write "Squeeze the Juice: Live With Purpose-Then Leave a Legacy. Resources & Links: Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Connect with Jennifer Lee: Jennifer's website Jennifer on Facebook Jennifer on Instagram Jennifer on LinkedIn =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. =================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-368-divorce-business-valuation-and-financial-infidelity-with-jennifer-lee/

So much of what women contend with during divorce is really intense grief. Sometimes they don't name it that or even realize that's what's happening, but that is what's happening. Barri Leiner Grant, founder and Chief Grief Officer™ of The Memory Circle, is back with me to keep the conversation going about grieving before, during, and after divorce. For those new to Barri, her community and creative space is created for those learning to live with loss. She's a highly respected grief specialist, writer, coach, and educator, and she leads transformative gatherings, retreats, and workshops that explore grief tending tools, rituals, and practices that foster connection, healing, and hope. In this conversation, Barri and I get into why we're still such a grief-denying society when it comes to non-death loss, and we spend a good chunk of time on rituals. Because here's the thing: there is no funeral for a divorce. No burial, nothing formal. So we talk about how women can make their own. Like burying a copy of your decree (just not the only one, you'll need it). Lighting a candle on the anniversary. Writing yourself a letter. Painting the inside of your front door hot pink. Getting the tattoo. Whatever helps you name the loss, move the energy, and reclaim the space. What you'll hear about in this episode: Why women become their own judge and jury about naming non-death loss (1:54) Why grieving a divorce feels confusing even if you're the one who asked for it, and why the future you imagined is still a real loss (3:26) What Barri's own divorce (layered on top of losing her mom) taught her about asking for support (5:06) Why writing is one of the most accessible grief tending tools (20:02) Grief tending, self-compassion, and why it's not a just bath with salts (26:26) Why making your own ritual matters when the culture doesn't give you one (33:20) Learn more about Barri Leiner Grant: Barri Leiner Grant is a highly respected grief specialist, author and founder of The Memory Circle, a creative and healing space for remembrance and ritual. Barri brings a distinct aesthetic sensibility to the field of grief work—bridging beauty and healing in ways that feel modern, personal, and deeply human. She is the creator of Permission Granted, a widely read Substack newsletter that invites readers to navigate loss with honesty, tenderness, and earned wisdom. Barri is recognized for her unique approach to grief support, which combines writing storytelling, ritual and community to help people mark loss with intention and carry memories forward with care. Sought after as a speaker, collaborator, and guide, Barri is redefining how we talk about grief. Her work has been featured in The Washington Post, Psychology Today, Maria Shriver's Sunday paper and award winning podcasts. Resources & Links: Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Connect with Barri Leiner-Grant The Memory Circle Barri on Instagram =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. =================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-367-rituals-for-divorce-grief-with-barri-leiner-grant/

I am so glad to bring Dr. Emma Katz back to the show. She is a senior lecturer in criminology at Edgehill University and one of the world's leading experts on coercive control. She is the author of Coercive Control in Children's and Mothers' Lives and writes the Substack Decoding Coercive Control, where she makes this research clear to process and digest for anyone navigating it in real life. Today we are focused on children and their lived experience of coercive control, and what actually supports them when one parent is trying to protect them inside constrained systems. In this conversation we explore what children are actually experiencing as co-victims and co-survivors of coercive control, both inside the home and after separation, when the tactics don't stop, they just shift. We get into what protective mothers can actually do to support their kids, why your own survival is already a road map, and how to talk to your children about what is happening in a way that helps them make sense of it without putting them in more danger. We also go deep on family court and why court-ordered systemic therapy in a coercive control situation is, in Emma's words, a match made in hell. What you'll hear about in this episode: How coercive control intensifies for children after separation, and what they are experiencing when they move between homes (2:34) How to talk to your children about abuse in a way that is ongoing, depersonalized, and actually safe (27:06) Family court and systemic therapy: how to navigate it strategically when you have no choice (35:36) The changes Emma is seeing in family court in the UK, why the US is moving in the opposite direction, and what that means for protective mothers (44:20) Final advice for protective mothers on building the anti-coercive control environment in your own home, and why even when you cannot fix what is happening, making your child feel heard is already so much (50:42) ✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here. Learn more about Dr. Emma Katz Dr Emma Katz is Associate Professor at Durham University. She is an award-winning expert in domestic abuse and coercive control, whose work has influenced policy and professional practice in the UK and globally. Dr Katz's book, Coercive Control in Children's and Mothers' Lives (published in 2022 by Oxford University Press) is described by Professor Evan Stark as a 'pioneering work that will change how we understand and respond to children's experience of domestic abuse'. Follow Dr Katz on Substack to receive her popular blog Decoding Coercive Control with Dr Emma Katz. Resources & Links:Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Connect with Dr. Katz: Dr. Katz's Substack: Decoding Coercive Control Dr. Katz on Instagram Dr. Katz on LinkedIn Dr. Katz on Facebook Dr. Katz on YouTube Books Mentioned: Floss and the BossLuna Little LegsTalking to My Mum: A Picture Workbook Workers, Mothers, Children Affected by Domestic Abuse Talking About Domestic Abuse: A Photo Activity Workbook to Develop Communication Between Mothers and Young People =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. =================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-365-children-as-co-victims-of-coercive-control-with-dr-emma-katz/

Imagine what it would be like to create healthy relationships without sacrificing ourselves as women. That is exactly what Michelle Farris helps women do. Michelle is a psychotherapist and codependency expert, and this conversation goes deep fast. She brings both the clinical knowledge and the lived experience of someone who has done her own recovery work, and honestly, we could not have been more in sync. Codependency is one of those words that gets thrown around a lot, and yet so many women are still walking around not fully recognizing themselves in it. At its core, it is what happens when someone hyperfocuses on helping, fixing, and controlling others in hopes of getting the love and validation that cannot be given to themselves. So externally focused that the magnifying glass never turns into the mirror. And if the focus is always on someone else, there is no reason to look inward. This conversation gets into what codependency actually is, why naming it is not a disservice but a necessity, and what it really takes to start building a relationship with yourself when the focus has been on everyone else for as long as anyone can remember. Codependency recovery is not about fixing anyone else. It is about finally turning the focus inward. Knowing something is wrong is just the beginning. Finding yourself again is the work. What you'll hear about in this episode: What codependency actually is and why helping, fixing, and controlling are not the same as loving (2:10) Why getting targeted support for codependency and divorce separately actually matters (8:06) Labeling codependency as a "disservice to women": Michelle explains why the problem has to be named before healing can begin (9:45) How Michelle works with women who in codependency recovery and what that process looks like (23:55) How codependency directly impacts divorce outcomes and the ability to advocate for yourself (30:51) Why wrapping yourself in the identity of mother can become its own way of avoiding recovery and what it does to your kids (32:23) Boundaries, what they actually are, why they feel impossible at first, and how to start small (37:51) Learn more about Michelle Farris: Michelle Farris is a psychotherapist, codependency expert, and anger management specialist with a passion for helping people break free from toxic relationship patterns. She's been featured in top online publications and podcasts and has reached over 3 million viewers on her YouTube channel, where she's known for giving relationship skills that work. Michelle empowers her clients to stop people-pleasing, trust themselves again, and build healthy, connected relationships through practical tools for codependency recovery, emotional regulation, and self-trust. Resources & Links: Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Michelle's websiteMichelle on YouTube Michelle on Facebook Michelle on Instagram Michelle on LinkedIn Pia Mellody Codependency Tree =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. =================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-363-codependency-in-women-signs-patterns-and-how-to-break-free-with-michelle-farris

TEDx speaker, author, neurodiversity and mental health advocate, and host of the Sensitivity Doctor podcast. Her work centers on relationship trauma and gaslighting recovery, and she brings over 20 years of clinical experience to everything she does. We have done some incredible episodes together, and this is no exception. Amelia recently brought to my attention a study exploring the impact of Kentucky's 50/50 shared custody ruling, which has been credited with dropping divorce rates by 25% or more. Articles are celebrating the decrease in divorce. And that is exactly what alarmed us. Here's why: Divorce rates are not dropping because people are happier in their marriages. What this ruling is actually doing is forcing victims to stay in unsafe marriages because they are terrified of their children being alone with their abuser 50% of the time. Now other states are looking at Kentucky as a model of success worth replicating. So we are digging into what this actually means from a trauma-informed perspective. What happens in the nervous system when the legal system puts the burden of proof on the victim. Why a child witnessing abuse meets the clinical definition of PTSD, and why courts are not looking at it that way. And what it does to a survivor, psychologically and physiologically, when they are told they must hand their child to their abuser half of the time. This is a legal conversation, but we are not here as attorneys. We are here as trauma-informed professionals who see what this is doing to survivors every single day. What you'll hear about in this episode: Why dropping divorce rates are not always a good thing and what is actually keeping people from leaving (2:40) The burden of proof is on the victim, and what that does to them psychologically (10:46) What happens in the nervous system when you are told you must share your child 50% of the time with your abuser (12:00) Why your attorney is not your therapist or divorce coach and why an interdisciplinary team matters (15:08) Aimee Says AI, the tool built for survivors that helps document, organize, and categorize abuse evidence (18:16) Why a child witnessing abuse is, by definition, a traumatized child and why courts don't see it that way (21:26) How to find a therapist who will testify, and why you need to ask upfront before you need them (23:42) Learn more about Dr. Amelia Kelley: Dr. Amelia Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist, professor, TED speaker, author, and neurodiversity and mental health advocate, as well as the host of The Sensitivity Doctor podcast. Her work centers on relationship trauma and gaslighting recovery, supporting those impacted by emotional and psychological harm in rebuilding self-trust, clarity, and nervous-system stability. With over 20 years of clinical experience, she takes an integrative, science-grounded approach informed by IFS, EMDR, somatic and polyvagal theory, and ADHD research. She is currently writing her forthcoming book on ADHD treatment in women with Norton Publishing. Resources & Links: Get Your Curated Podcast PlaylistFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Dr. Amelia Kelley's website Dr. Kelley on Facebook Dr. Kelley on Instagram Dr. Kelley on LinkedIn Episode 353: Aimee Says Updates: How Women Are Documenting Abuse in Real Time with Anne Wintemute Episode 335: Making Your Trauma Responses Work For You with Dr. Amelia Kelley Article: Kentucky's Equal Custody Law Shows Why America Needs Shared Parenting Presumptions =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. =================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-361-why-dropping-divorce-rates-are-not-always-good-news-with-dr-amelia-kelley/

Sarah McDugal is back on the podcast, and this time we're talking about what it actually takes to protect your children inside a family court system that often reframes abuse as "mutual high conflict" and makes the protective parent look like the problem. Sarah is a clarity coach and founder of Freedom Navigator and Wilderness to Wild, where she works exclusively with protective parents navigating high-conflict divorce and custody battles. In this conversation, we talk about why the ways most of us instinctively respond—explaining, defending, and trying to get people to understand the truth—can actually work against us in court. We also dive into Sarah's High Conflict Court Risk Index, an assessment designed to help parents understand early how likely their case is to become a long, drawn-out legal battle. The earlier you can see the terrain you're walking into, the more strategically you can move through it. And we talk about the kids. One of the most powerful reframes Sarah offers is that protecting our children doesn't always mean shielding them from harm. Sometimes the greatest protection we can give them is helping them learn how to navigate difficult realities with clarity, resilience, and support. If you're deep in a high-conflict case and feel like everything you do somehow gets used against you, you're not imagining it. The family court system is not what most of us think it is—and fighting it the way we naturally want to can sometimes make things worse. This conversation offers a different playbook. What you'll hear about in this episode: Why what family court labels "high conflict" is very often an abuser-victim dynamic, not a mutual conflict situation (5:28) How you can shift the dynamics in court by changing yourself, not by trying to change the other person or the system (11:10) The High Conflict Court Risk Index, what it assesses, who it is for, and why taking it early means you can start the right conversations sooner (12:28) Why an interdisciplinary divorce team saves you time, money, and unnecessary damage (24:28) What to do when your high conflict court risk comes back moderate to high, and where to go for support (23:30) Why protecting your kids from all harm is not the goal and how to start teaching them to navigate tricky people and tricky situations instead (31:30) ✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here. Learn more about Sarah McDugal:Sarah McDugal is a clarity coach and founder of FREEDOM Navigator and Wilderness to WILD. She works exclusively with protective parents in high-conflict divorce and custody battles. In addition to a master's degree, Sarah holds certifications and training in: Master Certified Professional Coach (MCPC), Certified High Conflict Legal Dispute Resolver, High Conflict Institute, Certified Assessor: Danger and Lethality Assessment, Johns Hopkins University School of Nursing, Deceptive Sexuality and Trauma Treatment (DSTT) Training, Dr. Omar Minwalla, and APSATS Model for Multi-Dimensional Partner Trauma (MPTM) Training. After surviving nearly a decade of custody litigation herself, Sarah equips her clients with trauma-informed tools, court-ready case prep resources, and strategic battle plans to fight smarter for the long haul — without losing their sanity, their kids, or their voice. Known for her blend of ethical precision and empathetic strength, Sarah empowers protective parents to transform survival into strategy — guiding weary warriors to rise with endurance, resilience, and courage. Resources & Links: Get Your Curated Podcast PlaylistFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce High Conflict Court Risk Index Freedom Navigator WebsiteSarah on LinkedIn Sarah on Instagram Sarah on YouTube Episode 109: DSG Abuse Mini-Series: Escaping Toxic Relationships and Abuse in Faith-Based Communities with Sarah McDugal =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM

I'm welcoming back one of your favorite guests and one of mine, divorce mortgage specialist Tami Wollensak, because we need to talk about the house. Specifically… what actually happens to it in divorce and what your real options are. Mortgage rules have shifted, interest rates have changed, and the questions I hear from clients all the time still come back to the same thing: Can I keep the house? Should I keep the house? Is it even possible? Tami and I walk through the realities behind keeping the marital home, including what people misunderstand about ownership, how mortgage assumption actually works, and why the emotional pull to keep it has to be balanced with long-term financial stability. We also talk about what happens when plans fall through, how to build backup strategies into your agreements, and why sometimes the smartest move is stepping back instead of fighting to stay. This conversation walks through the real financial and legal realities of what happens to the house in divorce. Because wanting the house and being able to keep the house are not always the same thing. What you'll hear about in this episode: The biggest misconception about "wanting to keep the house" (2:18) What mortgage assumption means and why you must ask the right questions (8:32) Why home ownership isn't always the healthiest financial decision after divorce (23:14) What happens when a mortgage assumption falls through and how to recover (41:32) Resources & Links: Assessing Change WorksheetGet Your Curated Podcast PlaylistFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Tami's Website Episode 204: Take or Leave the House? With Tami Wollensak =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. =================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-357-the-truth-about-mortgage-assumptions-with-tami-wollensak/

Divorce can become significantly more complicated when culture, immigration status, or international law are part of the equation. I'm joined by family law attorney Diana Romanov for a conversation about what happens when divorce crosses cultural and international lines. Diana brings a rare perspective to this work, shaped by her own immigration journey, her legal training, and practice across multiple countries. Together, we unpack how jurisdiction is determined when spouses live in different countries, how cultural norms shape power and decision-making in divorce, and why custody battles often look very different when one parent has been the primary caregiver for most of the marriage. We also dig into the realities of international relocation with children and how courts decide who can move, who can't, and why. At its core, this is about understanding how power, protection, and parenting are negotiated when the rules are shaped by more than one system. What you'll hear about in this episode: How Diana's international background and lived experience as an immigrant informs the way she practices family law and advocates for clients across cultural lines (2:06) What "jurisdiction" really means in international and cross-border divorce (5:00) How cultural norms around gender roles, finances, and marriage can deeply impact the divorce process (11:05) Strategic realities behind custody negotiations, including when equal timeshare is about optics or money rather than actual parenting (13:08) How international and long-distance custody and relocation cases are evaluated, including the factors courts use to decide whether a parent can move with children (24:46) What parents need to understand about documentation, communication, and evidence in high-conflict and cross-border cases (34:40) ✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here. Learn more about Diana Romanov: Diana Romanov is a San Francisco family law attorney, licensed in California and Germany, and a certified Family Law Specialist. Fluent in English, Russian, and German, she provides counsel, representation, and mediation services across cultural lines. Previously a prosecutor at the Regional Superior Court of Berlin, Diana practiced with Beiten Burghard & Wegner and Linklaters Oppenhoff & Raedler. She earned the Justice and Diversity Center's Outstanding Pro Bono Award (2012–13) and was named a Super Lawyers Rising Star for her client care and legal expertise. Diana holds a J.D. in family law from Freie University School of Law (Berlin) and an LL.M. in US Legal Studies from Golden Gate University. Born in Kiev and raised in Germany, Diana's multicultural background enriches her empathetic approach. Drawing on her own divorce experience, she founded a boutique firm to deliver personalized, efficient solutions in custody, support, mediation, alimony, and asset division. Resources & Links: Get Your Curated Podcast PlaylistFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Diana's website Diana on LinkedIn Diana on Facebook Diana on YouTube =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. =================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-355-divorce-across-borders-with-diana-romanov/

When you're living inside an abusive relationship, one of the hardest things to do is see the pattern clearly while you're still in it. Everything feels confusing and destabilizing, especially when blame shifting, gaslighting, and constantly moving goalposts are part of the dynamic. That's why I'm so grateful to welcome back Anne Wintemute, CEO and Co-Founder of Aimee Says, an AI-powered support and documentation platform that helps women understand what's happening in abusive dynamics. Anne and I talk about how women are using Aimee Says in real life to bring clarity to chaos, especially during post separation, custody battles, and ongoing co-parenting conflict. We explore how identifying patterns as they are happening can be revolutionary, and how Aimee Says reflects women's lived experiences back to them in a way that validates reality. We also talk about how having all of your information in one place helps women create clear plans of action when preparing for mediation, working with attorneys, or deciding next steps. Moreover, we talk about the changes and updates to the platform, some of which are a total game-changer for victims and survivors. This episode is about seeing what's really happening, trusting yourself again, and having tools that help you stay grounded in truth. What you'll hear about in this episode: How Aimee Says helps clarify patterns in abusive relationships (5:26) How women are using Aimee Says in real life to document abuse (10:56) Why blame shifting is the most common tactic women experience and how it keeps people stuck (12:04) The connection between authoritarian leadership, power and control, and abusive dynamics (31:18) ✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here. Learn more about Anne Wintemute: Anne Wintemute is the Co-Founder and CEO of Aimee Says, an AI companion for victims and survivors of controlling partners. When she's not working to hold perpetrators accountable, Anne can be found tending her urban farm or playing with her kids in Denver Colorado. Resources & Links: Get Your Curated Podcast PlaylistFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Aimee Says - DSG Listeners, Use Code: SurvivalGuide at Checkout to Get 2 Free Months =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. =================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-353-aimee-says-updates-how-women-are-documenting-abuse-in-real-time-with-anne-wintemute/

If you're going through divorce and feeling overwhelmed by the financial decisions in front of you, you are not imagining it. There is far more to divorce financial planning than most people are ever told. Divorce creates financial challenges that most traditional financial advisors simply are not trained to handle, which is why I invited Jamie Lima, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and the founder of Allegiant Divorce Solutions, to the show to help demystify the financial realities of divorce. Jamie explains why dividing assets during divorce is rarely as straightforward as it seems, especially once taxes, retirement accounts, and long-term consequences are factored in. We talk about some of the most common and costly blind spots women face, including critical documents like QDROs, along with who actually carries the tax burden when assets are divided. Throughout the conversation, we come back to one essential truth. You should not be navigating this alone. Divorce requires a team, and having the right financial expertise can protect your future long after the paperwork is signed. What you'll hear about in this episode: What a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst does and why divorce financial planning is different from traditional financial planning (2:02) What a QDRO is, how it works, and why it is essential when retirement accounts and pensions are involved (7:38) How after tax value changes the true worth of assets in a divorce settlement (17:43) The most common financial mistakes people make during divorce and what Jamie wishes everyone knew before signing an agreement (31:28) Learn more about Jamie Lima, CDFA®: After watching her parents go through a divorce at a young age, and experiencing a tremendously expensive and emotionally draining divorce herself in 2017, she launched Allegiant Divorce Solutions as a sister company to her traditional financial planning firm. She recognizes the challenges people face as they decide how to handle their finances during divorce. Her parents struggled, and it was challenging for her as well. Looking back, there were mistakes she made during her own divorce that could have been avoided had she had the support of a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®. At present, armed with this ever growing knowledge and almost 20 years of financial planning experience, she is dedicated to helping her clients navigate the complex aspects of divorce and gain a fair settlement, with much less stress. Resources & Links: Get Your Curated Podcast PlaylistFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Jamie's websiteJamie on LinkedIn Jamie on Instagram Jamie on TikTok Jamie on Facebook =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. =================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-351-protecting-your-financial-future-during-divorce-with-jamie-lima-cdfa/