This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil

We talk a lot about people-pleasing, perfectionism, overachieving, anxiety, and self-doubt. But what if those aren’t actually the root problem? What if they’re symptoms of something deeper, heavier, and far more hidden? In this episode, Nicole sits down with Dr. Zoe Shaw — licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach, speaker, podcast host, and author of Stronger in the Difficult Places — to unpack the uncomfortable but life-changing topic of complex shame. Not the fleeting embarrassment kind. The deep, identity-level shame that quietly shapes how we see ourselves, what we believe we deserve, and how small or safe we allow ourselves to play in life. Dr. Zoe shares her own deeply personal story and explains how shame develops, how it disguises itself as “normal” behavior, and why healing requires more than just positive affirmations and surface-level self-help. This conversation dives into trauma, self-worth, people-pleasing, boundaries, vulnerability, confirmation bias, and the stories we carry about ourselves — often without realizing it. In This Episode, We Explore: The difference between guilt, shame, and complex shame Why people-pleasing and perfectionism may actually be rooted in shame How shame shapes identity, relationships, and self-worth The hidden ways women learn to hide themselves Why overachieving can become a coping mechanism The “phantom critic” vs. the “courageous truth teller” Why healing starts with honesty, not toxic positivity Practical first steps for untangling deep shame patterns How vulnerability helps shame lose its power Thank you to our sponsors! Become a Fora Advisor today at Foratravel.com/WOMAN - and make sure to tell them we sent you! Elevate your summer wardrobe: Go to Quince.com/tiww for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns! Visit Upwork.com right now and post your job for free! Families are better when they’re working together… go to myskylight.com/WOMANSWORK for $30 off your Skylight Calendar. Start your risk-free Greenlight trial today at Greenlight.com/TIWW. Don't wait to teach your kids real-world money skills! Connect with Zoe: Book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/740766/stronger-in-the-difficult-places-by-dr-zoe-shaw/ Website: https://drzoeshaw.com/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/drzoeshaw/ Related Podcast Episodes High-Functioning Codependency: When Being “The Strong One” Is Slowly Killing You with Terri Cole | 341 Normalize It: Breaking The Silence & Shame That Shape Women’s Lives with Dr. Jessica Zucker | 303 Like A Wave, We Break: How Falling Apart Builds Confidence with Jane Chen | 388 Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’ve been taught that success means pushing harder, doing more, and staying productive at all costs. But what if the real secret to sustainable success isn’t grinding harder — it’s learning how to pace yourself? In this episode, Nicole sits down with award-winning journalist and author Elizabeth Svoboda to unpack the science, psychology, and strategy behind pacing. From elite athletes to ambitious women juggling careers, relationships, and impossible expectations, this conversation explores why burnout isn’t proof of dedication — it’s often proof that something needs to change. Elizabeth shares how elite performers actually use rest, recovery, flexibility, and energy management to stay at the top of their game for the long haul. Together, Nicole and Elizabeth challenge hustle culture, perfectionism, and the toxic belief that women should operate at 110% all the time. They discuss: Why ambitious women tend to swing between overworking and complete exhaustion The surprising pacing lessons we can learn from Olympic athletes How burnout impacts confidence, relationships, health, and creativity The concept of “rigid flexibility” and why structure alone doesn’t work Why rest should match effort — not just be treated as a reward How to recognize your personal energy rhythms and work with them instead of against them The connection between pacing, longevity, and sustainable success Why slowing down can actually make you more effective, focused, and fulfilled Because constantly running yourself into the ground isn’t strength — it’s just a socially rewarded form of self-destruction. Thank you to our sponsors! Become a Fora Advisor today at Foratravel.com/WOMAN - and make sure to tell them we sent you! Elevate your summer wardrobe: Go to Quince.com/tiww for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns! Visit Upwork.com right now and post your job for free! Families are better when they’re working together… go to myskylight.com/WOMANSWORK for $30 off your Skylight Calendar. Start your risk-free Greenlight trial today at Greenlight.com/TIWW. Don't wait to teach your kids real-world money skills! Connect with Elizabeth: Book: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Art-of-Pacing/Elizabeth-Svoboda/9781668022412 Website: https://www.elizabethsvoboda.com IG: https://www.instagram.com/svobodster/ LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabethsvoboda/ Newsletter: https://elizabeth-svoboda.beehiiv.com Related Podcast Episodes: Burnout 2.0: BurnBOLD with Cait Donovan | 331 How To Take A Sabbatical with Katrina McGhee | 336 How Our Dysregulated Nervous Systems Are Impacting Us with Victoria Albina | 244 Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let’s get one thing straight: women are not bad at negotiating. They’re doing it just as often—if not more—but getting worse outcomes. So no, the wage gap isn’t because women just need to “ask better.” That’s lazy advice… and frankly, bullshit. In this episode, negotiation expert Attia Qureshi—founder of Atiya Qureshi Consulting, co-author of Never Settle, and trained in FBI-informed negotiation strategies—breaks down the uncomfortable truth: women are playing a game that wasn’t designed for them to win the same way men do. Same words, same ask… wildly different outcomes. And she’s not here with fluff—she’s here with strategies that actually work. Because here’s the deal: opting out of negotiation doesn’t protect you—it guarantees you get less. What We Cover: Why women are negotiating just as much—but still losing The double bind: too nice = weak, too assertive = “difficult” The internal negotiation happening in your own head Why relationships matter more than you think (yes, it’s annoying, but it’s real) How to use data as your secret weapon without triggering defensiveness The “we strategy” that helps women get better outcomes (even if it feels unfair) Why over-preparing can actually screw you over How to handle rejection and turn a “no” into a “not yet” At the end of the day, negotiation isn’t about becoming someone you’re not. It’s about learning how to advocate for yourself in a system that doesn’t always reward you for it—and doing it anyway. Because you don’t get what you deserve. You get what you’re willing to ask for—and hold your ground on. Thank you to our sponsors! Visit Upwork.com right now and post your job for free! Families are better when they’re working together… go to myskylight.com/WOMANSWORK for $30 off your Skylight Calendar. Become a Fora Advisor today at Foratravel.com/woman Connect with Attia: Website: https://www.attiaqureshi.com Book: https://www.amazon.com/Never-Settle-Persuasion-Negotiation-Skills/dp/1668070375 LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/attiaq/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/attiaq/ Substack: https://substack.com/@attiaqureshi Related Podcast Episodes: The 3 N’s - Negotiation, Networking & No with Kathryn Valentine | 327 Be A Likeable Badass with Alison Fragale | 230 162 / Compensation Myths with Kelli Thompson If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices