True Crimes Against Wine

Hey friend — this episode’s sidebar is a cozy, hilarious chat about Tori Amos’s brand-new album In Times of Dragons, a little tour gossip, and some very serious bagel bite nostalgia. We gush over favorite songs (the title track Shush, Strawberry Moon, and the joyous Pyrite), unpack the album’s political edge and clever dragon metaphor for concentrated wealth, and celebrate Tori’s poetic lyricism that reads like standalone poetry while also hitting hard as songs. You’ll also get playful banter about live shows, family collaborations (her daughter and husband join in the music), and the delightful idea of listening to albums like it’s 1999 — CD booklet, full attention, zero interruptions. Plus, expect our trademark soup talk and general slurpy vibes. Big thanks to Jamie for the question — hit us up with your favorite tracks and stay tuned for a possible concert follow-up!

DEFENDANT: Agent 007, Commander James Bond EVIDENCE: Martinis SCENE OF THE CRIME: Our Secret Lair -- Hey friend — grab a glass and settle in. In this episode we put the martini itself on trial: from the citrus-bright Vesper to a garden-fresh basil-cucumber twist, plus a yuzu-matcha surprise that doubles as our truth serum. We sip, argue, and nerd out about James Bond — the actors, the gadgets, the infamous "shaken, not stirred" debate, and the songs that make you feel like walking into a slow-motion title card. Expect cozy banter, a few too many martinis, pop-culture tidbits, and lots of affectionate teasing (and yes, some of that classic Bond misogyny and other problematic bits get called out). Whether you love Shirley Bassey, are Team Vesper, or just here for the gossip about which Bond almost died/was recast/played by a model who conned his way into a role — we’ve got you. We keep it casual — like a long conversation with a friend who brought cocktails and way too many fun facts. If you’ve got martini riffs, Bond takes, or favorite theme songs, slide into our inbox — and cheers: 007 out.

DEFENDANT: Emily Brontë EVIDENCE: Goldschmidt Cabernet Sauvignon "Katherine" 2023 SCENE OF THE CRIME: The wild moors of Alexander Valley, Sonoma, CA -- Hey — settle in with a bowl of soup and a good glass, because this episode is equal parts wine tasting and literary sleuthing. We pop a bottle of Goldschmidt’s “Catherine” from Stonemason Hill in Alexander Valley (Sonoma), sniff out garnet color, black cherry and red‑plum fruit, a blueberry peak of ripeness, and a lovely stone‑like minerality with velvety tannins. It’s approachable, not pretentious, and sits in that sweet spot around $40 — perfect to bring to dinner or enjoy on a stormy night with friends (and a dog wedged between you). Then we tumble headfirst into Wuthering Heights: Emily Brontë’s 1847 Gothic whirlwind of obsession, class friction, and moor‑bound drama. We talk about Emily’s short, wild life, the Brontë family dynamics, the book’s thorny questions (are Catherine and Heathcliff half‑siblings? are they in love or simply consumed by each other?), and why the novel is more morally complicated than the romantic myth that often gets pasted onto it. Finally, we air our grievances with Emerald Fennell’s new film: gorgeous visuals, striking costumes, and some undeniably hot scenes — but also some big misses. Miscasting, whitewashing a character whose outsider status is crucial to the story, and a sleight-of-hand that ends up glamorizing an abusive, toxic relationship left us frustrated. If you love Wuthering Heights, don’t be fooled: this adaptation is a visually lush reinterpretation, not a faithful or thoughtful translation of the novel’s core themes. Short version: drink the Catherine (it’s delightful), read the book (it’s messy, brilliant, and not for the faint‑hearted), and watch the movie cautiously — especially if you’re handing it to younger viewers who might mistake obsessive cruelty for tragic romance.

DEFENDANT: Herman Melville EVIDENCE: Melville Estate Pinot Noir SCENE OF THE CRIME: Santa Rita Hills, and the Big Blue Sea -- Hey friend — pour yourself a glass and come sit with us. In this episode Judge Topher and Judge Rachel finally introduce themselves (yes, really) and then proceed to hijack a $75 Santa Rita Hills Pinot Noir, talk glassware, sniff cherries, sage, pepper and a little eucalyptus, and declare that yes: this bottle is absolutely worth the fuss. We wander from tasting notes (garnet color, plums, violets, forest-floor complexity) to winery vibes — estate-grown, sustainable farming, family stories — then slip into full literary chaos as we roast, admire, and gently disembowel Herman Melville. Expect idle mutiny, a ridiculous cross‑examination quiz, surprising Melville facts (Mocha Dick!), and the sacred power of the line "Call me Ishmael." There’s a lot of laughing, a little spilled wine, a bonus boxed-Pinot for scientific — ahem, comparative — purposes, and lots of off‑topic delights: antique store finds, dog shenanigans (Hermes is a star), and the kind of tangents you only get when two people drink nice wine and refuse to act like sober adults. By the end we deliver our verdict: not guilty — this Pinot is a winner. Whether you’re here for the wine geekery, the Melville deep dive, or just to feel like you’re in the room with two pals roasting each other and solving the mysteries of the sea, this episode’s for you. Tell us your White Whale (or your favorite Pinot) — we’ll trade you a story and maybe some podcast swag if you’re brave.

Hey — this episode unpacks a vacation that went horribly wrong: a 37-year-old narrator brings her partner, toddler and a 16-year-old dog to visit her parents, who are openly hostile to the aging pup. They repeatedly put the dog outside, dump its water, and make cruel comments about putting her down. The partner withdraws and spends time apart to protect the dog and avoid blowing up, while the narrator freezes because she's conflict-averse and has a fraught relationship with her dad. After they get back, family gossip paints the partner as rude, and the narrator is left asking who the biggest asshole really is. We cut right to it: the parents are the main problem. Depriving an elderly, anxious dog of water and comfort is cruel, and their passive-aggressive escalation — plus the mom's cruel comments — crossed basic lines. The partner's quiet protection felt reasonable, not disrespectful. If you were my friend, here’s the real talk: set boundaries. If your parents can’t treat your dog and your family with basic respect, don’t keep subjecting your kid, your partner, and your pup to that toxicity. Practical moves: offer to stay in a hotel with the dog, arrange separate visits, or limit holiday time until boundaries are respected. You’re allowed to prioritize your immediate family and the emotional safety of your child and pet. Talk to your partner, consider couples or family therapy to sort the fallout, and don’t feel guilty for protecting your household from repeated mistreatment. We rooted for her to protect her dog and reclaim Christmas — and for anyone listening, be the friend who tells someone they’re allowed to choose kindness and healthy boundaries over obligation.

In this episode of True Crimes Against Wine, the hosts dive into a messy roommate-turned-partner dispute about chores. After three years together, a couple split household duties by a rota: feeding three picky cats, handling bills, cleaning litter, doing the washing up, hoovering, and more. Tension explodes when one partner fails to hoover and forgets to put a new toilet roll on the holder. The other partner comes home furious, calling the lapse a betrayal, which leads to name-calling and talk of moving out. The hosts unpack compatibility, expectations around cleanliness, gendered chore dynamics, and whether the couple’s split was inevitable. They tease more stories to come and invite listeners to send in their own juicy disputes.

When wine is on trial, the gossip is dishy, the judges are drunk, the verdicts are random — welcome to True Crimes Against Wine and our first sidebar of 2026! Happy New Year, friend! We kicked off the episode riffing about nostalgia, then dove headfirst into what actually matters: what the next year (and beyond) looks like for wine. Quick take: climate shifts are pushing vineyards north and uphill, which means you’ll be tasting wines with brighter acidity instead of the old-school fruit bombs and heavy oak. Expect to see more accessible, interesting bottles from South America, New Zealand and Australia pop up in your grocery store — tariffs and global economics make Europe trickier right now. Small domestic winemakers are likely to adapt by offering more reserve and niche wines to protect margins, which could change what becomes mainstream over time. Heads-up: this stuff isn’t instant. Replanting vines and aging wines takes years — sometimes close to a decade for certain styles — so producers are making high-stakes bets on harvest timing and vintage quality. I’ve got so much respect for the family-run wineries putting in the sweat equity. As a drinker, that uncertainty is part of the romance; as someone running the farm, I’d be a Walmart greeter in a heartbeat. Also, watch for celebrity collabs — fewer hands-on wine barons, more low-risk partnerships that boost publicity. And yes, tequila keeps rising (margarita season, anyone?), so expect more spirits episodes and celeb bottles to show up fast. If you spot any fun celeb wines or weird regional gems, send them our way — we can’t find everything alone. We’re always sourcing stuff and would love your tips. Reach out at truecrimesagainstwine@gmail.com and find us on TikTok and Instagram — we might send swag. Cheers to 2026: drink a lot, survive, and let’s see what the year pours for us. Bye for now.