The Penis Project Podcast: Breaking Taboos in Men’s Sexual Health

Episode Overview: In this episode of The Penis Project Podcast, Melissa speaks with Kerry, whose partner Matt was diagnosed with prostate cancer at 41. Kerry was 33. This is her story, told from the seat we don’t hear enough, the partner’s. It starts with a motorbike. Matt has a vintage Honda CB750, his pride and joy and he is always looking for a reason to ride it. So, in September 2019 when they saw the Distinguished Gentleman’s Ride advertised, they thought “let’s do it”. They bought suits, made their donation, and rode up the freeway in open-faced helmets. Sounds dangerous but this act may have saved Matt’s life. Before the ride, a couple in their late fifties or early sixties got up, reluctantly, and talked about their prostate cancer journey. Kerry listened intently taking onboard their powerful message. They rode, had the best day, went home, and Kerry said to Matt: you’re 40 now, next time you’re at the doctor’s maybe get a baseline PSA check. Four months later Matt was walking out the door to see his GP about headaches. Kerry called out as the door was closing “make sure you get a PSA added on”. His GP, thankfully, was pro men’s health and simply did the test. It came back around 7. For a man his age, it should have been under 1. What followed is a lesson. A repeat test three weeks later, was still significantly raised, so Matt was referred to a urologist for further investigation. An MRI was ordered; it came back clear. A less curious surgeon might have stopped there. This one however said there was still something elevating that PSA and decided to do a biopsy. Matt was completely asymptomatic, which is very normal with prostate cancer. Without that blood test, and without that biopsy, they would never have known. The result came by phone, because it was COVID, and Kerry was at work. Matt took the call alone and his two children, then 9 and 12, were the ones who had to comfort him first. Gleason 7. And a sentence Kerry has never quite shaken: if they had not found it when they did, they would have been looking at around ten years before it became terminal. Most men are not even thinking about their prostate until they are 50. Before the surgery, Dr Brown put children on their radar. Kerry did not have kids and was not certain she wanted them, and Matt already had two, but banking sperm beforehand was the best chance of ever having the option. Around the surgery they were well supported, most of it over Zoom because of COVID. Kerry is honest about what she carried in silence. In her early thirties, five years into the relationship, she was quietly terrified about what their sex life would look like on the other side and said none of it out loud. She was his rock and he was already carrying enough. So, she researched instead: continence underwear that looks like normal jocks, whether men can orgasm without ejaculating, how to be intimate without intercourse. She and Melissa unpack why “I just want him alive” is said with total love and heard as something else entirely. The good news is very good. Matt has been cancer-free ever since, and their sex life recovered further and faster than either of them dared expect. Their son Thomas, just over three, arrived through IVF using the sperm they banked, and carries the middle name of the great-grandfather whose prostate cancer nobody had joined the dots on. Matt’s diagnosis also prompted his own dad to get retested; he had prostate cancer and did not know it. Between them, Kerry and Matt have now walked at least fourteen men through this, and every year they polish the bike and speak at the Distinguished Gentleman’s Ride, because one reluctant couple with a microphone in 2019 is the reason Matt is alive. Golden Tip: Prostate cancer is not an old man’s disease. Key Message from Kerry Your life does not end at the diagnosis. Kerry’s message to partners is that whatever recovery looks like on the other side, it can still be full, and it can still be

Episode Overview: Steve Fisher is 77 years old, lives in Nebraska, and has been through more than most men can imagine. In 2020, he and his wife were both diagnosed with cancer at the same time. Her lung cancer surgery was followed by a catastrophic complication, and Steve lost her in late 2020, while still carrying his own prostate cancer diagnosis. In the first half of 2021, Steve went ahead with treatment: low-dose brachytherapy (permanent seed implants) followed by 20 sessions of external beam radiation, plus a short course of Lupron (a prescription hormonal therapy). His PSA is now sitting at 0.04. Cancer-wise, things are excellent. But nobody told Steve what was coming next. No one talked to him about erectile dysfunction, penile rehabilitation, vacuum pumps, constriction rings, or the emotional weight of losing sexual function on top of losing a partner. He navigated that on his own, with little support from his healthcare team. Then in May 2026, Steve stumbled across Victoria Cullen's website A Touchy Subject on YouTube, joined The Hub, and things started to shift. He ordered daily Cialis and a Soma OT medical-grade vacuum pump — the right equipment, with the right information about how constriction rings work in combination with a pump. Within two months, Steve and Carol were having penetrative sex again for the first time in years. This episode is also about the emotional and psychological side of this journey — the anxiety men carry silently, the male ego dimension of losing erectile function, and the importance of community, peer support, and simply having someone to talk to who understands. This is a warm, funny, honest, and genuinely hopeful conversation about grief, finding love again, getting information too late, and what happens when a man finally gets the right tools and the right support. Golden Tip: How to use the pumps with a constriction ring successfully, including Steve’s tip about lubricant on the outside of the cylinder. In This Episode, We Cover Options when PDE5i (Viagra etc) don’t work The difference between medical-grade vacuum pumps and sex toys Why injections (Trimix) failed for Steve and what was missing from the picture Constriction rings: the information that changed everything- Golden Tip even Melissa learnt something new! Finding love again in later life and navigating intimacy with a new partner The mental and emotional toll of erectile dysfunction, the side no one talks about enough Victoria Cullen’s community The Hub, and why peer support matters Steve’s new YouTube channel: Everyday Prostate Cancer Warrior Key Message from Steve Steve’s closing message is about the emotional and mental burden men carry through this. Cancer treatment gets you through the door. But the anxiety, the silence, the feeling that you should just be grateful you’re alive that stays with men for years. Steve wants other men to know it is acceptable to talk about it, to seek support, and to keep going. He had almost given up entirely. Finding the right community, the right information, and the right equipment changed everything. Resources & Links The Hub – Victoria Cullen’s online community for men navigating prostate cancer recovery and intimacy: A Touchy Subject / The Hub Steve’s YouTube channel – personal stories and practical experience from a prostate cancer survivor: Everyday Prostate Cancer Warrior on YouTube Book a telehealth appointment with our sexual health nurse practitioners at Restorative Health Clinic For more information check out our websites www.rshealth.com.au , www.makehardeasy.com.au and www.melissahadleybarrett.com.au Steve Fisher YouTube link to his Everyday Prostate Cancer Warrior. https://youtu.be/APLm1W8uPBA?si=SfaA9A74GqMNcvUq Click here to shop the Sompatherapy Pumps: The Touch II Automatic Pump, and the Response II Manual Pump Click here to watch Melissa’s YouTube video: Most Men Use the SOMA VED Wrong |

In this special Christmas edition of The Penis Project Podcast, Melissa is joined by members of the Restorative Health Clinic team for a candid, funny, and surprisingly heartfelt look back at the year that was. From awkward inbox messages and clinic mishaps to deeply meaningful patient moments, the team reflects on what it’s really like working in men’s sexual health — a space where humour, vulnerability, trust, and life-changing conversations collide every day. This episode is part thank-you, part behind-the-scenes, and part reminder that sexual health work is serious — but laughter matters too. Key Takeaways Men’s sexual health is about much more than erections — it’s about confidence, connection, and quality of life Trust takes time, but once it’s built, men open up in powerful ways Porn has skewed expectations — most penises are completely normal You don’t need to have a penis to understand men’s sexual health — listening matters more A good clinic culture blends professionalism, compassion… and humour Clinic Updates & Announcements New clinic location: Icon Cancer Centre, Midland Expanded support for men post-radiation (prostate, bladder, colorectal cancer) Telehealth services now supporting rural, remote, interstate, and overseas patients Upcoming training & conferences: International Society of Sexual Medicine (Porto, Portugal) Advanced Botox training for penile health applications Christmas closure: 19th December- 12th January Resources & Links: Book a telehealth consult with our sexual health nurse practitioners at Restorative Health Clinic For more information check out our websites www.rshealth.com.au , www.makehardeasy.com.au and www.melissahadleybarrett.com Listen & Subscribe If you found this episode helpful, don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast! Your feedback helps us continue bringing important conversations to light. Search for The Penis Project Podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favourite podcast app. Connect With Us We love hearing from real people, navigating penile health. If you’d like to share your journey or ask a question, get in touch. Email: [email protected] Websites: https://rshealth.com.au/ All genders https://makehardeasy.com.au https://melissahadleybarrett.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melissahadleybarrett/ https://www.instagram.com/restorativehealth.clinic/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@melissahadleybarrett TikTok: @melissahadleybarrett Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/p/Melissa-Hadley-Barrett-100085237672685/ https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100085146627814 Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-hadley-barrett/ TEDX: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjHj1YTmLoA

In this deeply human episode of The Penis Project podcast, Melissa sits down with former NRL legend and now men's mentor Ryan Girdler, whose life after professional football has taken an unexpected and transformative turn. Ryan talks candidly about growing up in a blue-collar household in the 70s, the pressures of masculinity, and how being driven hard as a child shaped his identity. He reflects on his footy career, the unspoken expectations to “be tough,” and how those patterns carried over into life after retirement—leading him to overwork, burnout, and eventually, a total personal reset. Through meditation, breathwork, and support from his wife, Ryan found a new path. Today, he mentors men through profound emotional, physical, and spiritual work, helping them reconnect with themselves, develop healthier expressions of masculinity, and live with more balance, softness, and purpose. This conversation goes far beyond sport. Ryan opens up about parenting, vulnerability, inner dialogue, relationships, and why so many men feel lost in today’s world. He also explores his work with Reconnected Men, breathwork retreats, and his partnership with the enigmatic healer, Imrah, known to many as “the alchemist.” This Episode, We Cover: Ryan’s early life & sporting beginnings Growing up under pressure in a hardworking family and feeling driven to please others How internal and external expectations pushed him into rugby league The emotional impact of a “boys don’t cry” upbringing Masculinity, identity & the struggles men face today Why modern masculinity feels confusing—and why “toxic masculinity” breaks Ryan’s heart The lack of healthy male role models Balancing discipline with vulnerability Why many men feel they must fix everything rather than be present Life after professional sport Losing identity and purpose at 30 Overworking to fill a void—“trying to beat yoga at yoga” How breathwork and meditation became lifesaving tools The profound influence of his wife in redirecting his path Breathwork, nervous system regulation & healing Ryan’s introduction to meditation through a big wave surfer Using pranayama as the “cheat code” to stillness How breathwork helped him “wield the mind” rather than be controlled by it Why he believes every man should experience nervous-system regulation Reconnected Men & the work he does now One-day and three-day men’s retreats in Queensland and Sydney Holotropic/transformational breathwork sessions Corporate breathwork and team integration sessions His mentoring program combining discipline, stillness, personal story, and emotional growth The story of Imrah – “the alchemist” How Ryan reconnected with Imrah after 25 years Imrah’s unusual upbringing in the Pilbara and his unique abilities Their partnership in retreats and breathwork events Why I have named Ryan “the conduit” Parenting, relationships & emotional presence Raising daughters with boundaries, connection, and regulated technology use Letting go of control in relationships How softness, listening, and heart-led responses change family dynamics Ryan’s message to men "You don’t always have to be in control. And you don't have to do it on your own." Key Takeaways: Masculinity isn’t the problem—disconnection is. Men thrive when they learn discipline and vulnerability. Breathwork, meditation, and nervous system tools can fundamentally shift a man’s internal world. Healing begins with self-awareness, not fixing others. You can be strong and gentle at the same time—and your family will feel the difference. Sometimes your partner sees your path before you do. Life after high-performance sport requires finding new meaning, not new metrics to “win.” Connect with Ryan Girdler & Reconnected Men Reconnected Men (retreats & programs): https://www.reconnectedmen.com Instagram: @ryangirdler Transformation

In this episode of The Penis Project Podcast, Melissa reconnects with Mike and Shirley from the USA, who first joined us back in 2023. Now celebrating an incredible 48 years of marriage, they share how life, love, and sex have evolved nearly four years after Mike’s prostate cancer surgery. Together, they open up about recovery, resilience, and rediscovering intimacy after cancer — proving that sexual function and emotional connection can keep improving long past the two-year mark many men are told is the “limit”. Their journey is one of teamwork, trust, and trying everything from pumps to performance rings to injections — the famous “four Ps” as coined by Mike: Pills, Pump, Puncture, and Performance Ring. Key Takeaways: Recovery doesn’t stop at two years. Erections and sensation can continue to improve with regular therapy and effort. Devices aren’t kinky — they’re medical tools. Pumps, rings, and injections all have a role in penile rehabilitation. Partner support changes everything. Involving both people in the journey helps reduce shame and increases success. Hope is powerful. With the right approach, couples can enjoy a “new normal” that’s deeply satisfying and connected. Sex is more than orgasm. Connection, laughter, and closeness are what really matter. Expert Insight from Melissa Hadley Barrett “Just like you wouldn’t skip physio after a hip replacement, penile rehabilitation after prostate surgery takes consistent effort. Devices like vacuum pumps, injections, and rings aren’t gimmicks — they’re proven ways to restore blood flow, preserve function, and build confidence. Mike and Shirley’s story shows what’s possible when couples stay curious, keep communicating, and don’t give up.” Resources & Links: Book a telehealth consult with our sexual health nurse practitioners at Restorative Health Clinic For more information check out our websites www.rshealth.com.au , www.makehardeasy.com.au and www.melissahadleybarrett.com Listen & Subscribe If you found this episode helpful, don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast! Your feedback helps us continue bringing important conversations to light. Search for The Penis Project Podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favourite podcast app. Connect With Us We love hearing from real people, navigating penile health. If you’d like to share your journey or ask a question, get in touch. Email: [email protected] Websites: https://rshealth.com.au/ All genders https://makehardeasy.com.au Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melissahadleybarrett/ https://www.instagram.com/restorativehealth.clinic/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@melissahadleybarrett TikTok: @melissahadleybarrett Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/p/Melissa-Hadley-Barrett-100085237672685/ https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100085146627814 Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-hadley-barrett/ TEDX: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjHj1YTmLoA

In this Episode which marks the 5th anniversary of the Penis Project Podcast, Kate and Melissa, practitioners from Restorative Health Clinic talk to Kirk (59), who shares his very recent journey with prostate cancer — from vigilant PSA screening due to a strong family history, through biopsy and robotic prostatectomy(Gleason 9), to an unusually swift return of continence and erections (yes, really… at 5 weeks!). We chat about why a good GP relationship matters, common myths (no, PSA screening is not a finger-up-the-bum), and practical rehab steps that set you up for the best outcome. We also touch on the challenges recent Medicare telehealth changes pose for rural men and why community conversations save lives. Key Takeaways: PSA screening saves lives: It’s a blood test. Many men still believe screening means a rectal exam — that misconception stops blokes from testing. Early and regular checks matter, especially with family history. Kirk and his GP were “on it,” which likely changed his trajectory. Rehab starts before surgery: Pre-op pelvic floor coaching and early, structured penile rehab support faster continence and sexual recovery. Expectations matter: Being clear about how important sex is to you helps the team tailor a plan (medications, devices, or injections) so intimacy continues post-treatment. Modern prostate cancer care is not what it was 20 years ago — minimally invasive surgery, targeted radiation, and better side-effect profiles. Episode Highlights Family history matters: Kirk, a 59-year-old anaesthetist, always knew prostate cancer was a “when, not if.” Vigilant PSA screening caught it early. PSA test = blood test: Many men still mistakenly think screening means a rectal exam — this myth stops blokes from testing. Gleason upgrade: Biopsy showed 7, but post-surgery pathology was 9 — reinforcing why early surgery was lifesaving. GPs are gold: A trusted GP relationship ensures timely checks and continuity of care. Rehab starts before surgery: Pelvic floor exercises and penile rehab education gave Kirk the best start. Fast recovery: At 5 weeks post-op, Kirk is dry, pad-free, and already regaining erectile function with support strategies. Community conversations: Kirk shared his diagnosis with ice-hockey teammates — most had no idea PSA was just a blood test. Rural barriers: Medicare telehealth changes risk limiting access for country men as of November 1st 2025 — highlighting the importance of policy that supports remote care. Positive outlook: Kirk’s story proves recovery can be quicker than many expect, and modern treatments offer far better outcomes than in the past. Take-home message: Don’t wait for symptoms — get your PSA blood test done and talk to your mates about it. Shareable quotes “Good news — PSA screening is a blood test. That’s it.” “Pre-hab matters: start pelvic floor and penile rehab before surgery.” “Sex after prostate cancer is absolutely possible — the toolkit is bigger and better than ever.” “Men will talk footy all day — let’s talk our health the same way.” Resources & Links: Book a telehealth consult with our sexual health nurse practitioners at Restorative Health Clinic For more information check out our websites www.rshealth.com.au , www.makehardeasy.com.au and www.melissahadleybarrett.com Listen & Subscribe If you found this episode helpful, don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast! Your feedback helps us continue bringing important conversations to light. Search for The Penis Project Podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favourite podcast app. Connect With Us We love hearing from real people, navigating penile health. If you’d like to share your journey or ask a question, get in touch. Email: [email protected] Websites: https://rshealth.com.au/ All genders https://makehardeasy.com.au https://melissahadleybarrett.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/