The Real Stuff with Lucie Fink

Today’s guest is Carli, and if you’ve spent any time online lately, you may have already seen her multi-part series about going no contact with her in-laws. (I made myself stop after part six so I could hear the rest of the story fresh, right alongside you). Every part pulled in hundreds of thousands of views, and somehow this is the very first podcast she’s done about it. Carli met her husband right after she graduated high school, they got engaged three or four months later, and she married him at 18. Her mother-in-law was completely on board with the wedding, but the warmth didn’t last long once Carli became a mom. Suddenly every decision was up for debate, from her son’s three-hour bedtime routine to what went on his plate to whether he should be in therapy at all. Then came the Thanksgiving when they drove down from Idaho to Utah, arrived at the time they’d been given, and found the whole family downstairs playing games with dinner already over. What followed was a three-hour phone call, an apology that got taken back days later, and a sentence from her mother-in-law that Carli still can’t shake: that she withholds love from people she doesn’t agree with. We talk about the role their Mormon upbringing played, why it took her husband so long to see his family clearly, the spam accounts that flooded her comments after the series went viral, and the one condition they’ve set for ever speaking again. I came into this with a lot of questions, including how much of this was her husband’s responsibility to shut down, and Carli answered every one of them honestly. If you’ve ever had a hard relationship with your in-laws or your own parents, I think this one will make you feel a lot less alone. Tell me in the comments how you’ve handled family boundaries in your own life. Sponsors: Ladder: If you have an iPhone, head to https://www.ladder.fit/REALSTUFF and get a free 7-day trial with no credit card and $10 off your first month. Target: All that’s new and uniquely you. It’s in the bag. https://www.target.com Shopbob: Download the Shopbop app and use code "realstuff" for 15% off your first app purchase. Labcorp: Visit OnDemand.Labcorp.com/realstuff and use code "realstuff" to save up to 15% on select tests. Nutrafol: Visit https://www.nutrafol.com and enter promo code REALSTUFF for $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping. Watch this episode in video form on Spotify or YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjmevEcbh5h5FEX0pazPEtN86t7eb2OgX To apply to be a guest on the show, visit luciefink.com/apply and send us your story. I also want to extend a special thank you to East Love for the show's theme song, Rolling Stone. Follow the show on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealstuffpod Find Lucie here: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/luciebfink/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@luciebfink YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/luciebfink Website: https://luciefink.com/ Subscribe to my free newsletter "The Lucie List" here: https://thelucielist.beehiiv.com/subscribe Executive Producer: Cloud10 Produced by Dear Media. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are parts of my influencer life I've never really talked about publicly... until now. Welcome to part three of my four-part mini series, "All the Stuff I Don't Usually Talk About." You might feel like you know everything about my life, but what you see is only a tiny fraction of it. In this episode I'm pulling back the curtain on the creator side of things: how one of my recent vlogs was pieced together from just a few seconds of filming each day, and why I've always chosen to curate what I share. I'm also getting into how I came into this career (I never set out to be an influencer), why I'd keep making things whether I had ten followers or ten million, and why I believe audience size and business success are two very different things. I'm sharing why I think more followers can actually make your life worse, what it's like when your neighbors and the people in your town already follow you (including a playground story that's hilarious in hindsight), and my honest take on the idea that friends who don't like your posts aren't really your friends. If you've ever been curious what this job is like from the inside, this one is for you. Come back next week for part four, all about mindset shifts! Sponsors: Shopbob: Download the Shopbop app and use code "realstuff" for 15% off your first app purchase. Cotton: Learn more at TheFabricOfOurLives.com Labcorp OnDemand: Visit https://www.OnDemand.Labcorp.com/realstuff and use code "realstuff" to save up to 15% on select tests. Watch this episode in video form on Spotify or YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjmevEcbh5h5FEX0pazPEtN86t7eb2OgX To apply to be a guest on the show, visit luciefink.com/apply and send us your story. I also want to extend a special thank you to East Love for the show's theme song, Rolling Stone. Follow the show on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealstuffpod Find Lucie here: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/luciebfink/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@luciebfink YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/luciebfink Website: https://luciefink.com/ Subscribe to my free newsletter "The Lucie List" here: https://thelucielist.beehiiv.com/subscribe Executive Producer: Cloud10 Produced by Dear Media. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are parts of my marriage I’ve never really talked about publicly…until now. Welcome to part one of a new four-part mini series, All the Stuff I Don’t Usually Talk About. I may share a lot of my life online, but the reality is that you’re only seeing a tiny fraction of what’s actually happening behind the scenes. In this episode, we’re starting with marriage. I’m opening up about what Michael and I actually argue about, how having kids changed our relationship, the ways our communication styles differ, and some of the traits in myself that I’ve had to confront along the way. I talk about my tendency to problem-solve when Michael really needs emotional support, why I’m working on becoming a better listener, my defensiveness during conflict, and some of the ways we approach parenting differently. I also share why becoming parents was the first time I truly understood what people meant when they told us “marriage is hard” — and why even after more than a decade together before having kids, we still had to learn how to navigate an entirely new version of our relationship. Michael and I have a relationship I’m incredibly grateful for, and we still have things we work through. We both go to therapy, we’ve tried couples counseling, and I’m always interested in finding ways to communicate better and continue strengthening our relationship. If you’re married, partnered, parenting together, or have ever wondered what really goes on behind the scenes of a relationship that looks solid from the outside, this one is for you. It’s vulnerable, but I think that's exactly why it's useful. Sponsors: Cotton: Learn more at https://www.TheFabricOfOurLives.com Labcorp OnDemand: Visit https://www.OnDemand.Labcorp.com/realstuff and use code "realstuff" to save up to 15% on select tests. Nutrafol: Visit https://www.nutrafol.com and enter promo code REALSTUFF for $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping. ButcherBox: Go to https://www.ButcherBox.com/realstuff for $20 off your first box, plus your choice of free ground beef for life, or free chicken thighs or top sirloins in every box for a year – with free shipping always. Watch this episode in video form on Spotify or YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjmevEcbh5h5FEX0pazPEtN86t7eb2OgX To apply to be a guest on the show, visit luciefink.com/apply and send us your story. I also want to extend a special thank you to East Love for the show's theme song, Rolling Stone. Follow the show on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealstuffpod Find Lucie here: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/luciebfink/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@luciebfink YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/luciebfink Website: https://luciefink.com/ Subscribe to my free newsletter "The Lucie List" here: https://thelucielist.beehiiv.com/subscribe Executive Producer: Cloud10 Produced by Dear Media. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's episode is about sex. And I know that word alone is enough to make some people skip past this one — which is exactly why I wanted to make it. This episode is a little different from our usual format. You'll hear from audience callers who responded to our casting call asking for your spiciest, most unexpected sex stories. What we got back was so much more than I anticipated — hilarious, raw, surprising, and genuinely human. But first, you'll hear excerpts from my conversation with Vanessa Marin, a licensed sex therapist with over 20 years of experience who joined me to bring some real expertise to the table. My conversation with Vanessa includes a 30-day kissing challenge she and her husband actually did, the concept of "the ick" and what gratitude research says about relationship satisfaction. We also chat about her GET intimate technique: three surprisingly simple things that can rebuild connection even in the driest of dry spells. Then you'll hear a clip from my full conversation with Melanie, which is available as its own episode linked below. Melanie is deeply involved in the BDSM community, and what I expected to be a conversation about kink turned into a deep dive on trust, communication, consent, and something called subspace — which I genuinely had never heard of before. She completely shifted some of my assumptions, and if this clip intrigues you, I highly recommend going back to listen to the full thing. And finally, you'll get a taste of my conversation with Emily — also linked below as its own full episode — whose story starts as a spicy, unusual submission and takes a turn I truly didn't see coming. There's a chicken coop. There's a sensory deprivation box. There's a lot more I'm not going to spoil here. What I will say is that this one goes somewhere I never expected, and I think it's one of the most unexpectedly moving conversations we've had on this show. These are real stories from real people — and I think that's exactly the point. So many of us feel like we're the only one having the experiences we're having. We're not. Follow Vanessa: https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander/?hl=en Listen to Melanie's full episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-real-stuff-with-lucie-fink/id1724982367?i=1000763998066 Listen to Emily's full episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-real-stuff-with-lucie-fink/id1724982367?i=1000752856564 Sponsors: Clean Simple Eats: Clean Simple Eats is undeniably clean and 100% delicious. Shop the best-tasting protein drinks at https://www.CleanSimpleEats.com  Spindrift: Visit https://www.drinkspindrift.com and use code "lucie" for 15% off. SKIMS: Shop SKIMS Fits Everybody collection at https://www.skims.com/realstuff #skimspartner Ogee: Go to https://www.ogee.com/LUCIE and use code LUCIE to get 20% off certified organic makeup that performs like luxury. Labcorp: Visit https://www.OnDemand.Labcorp.com/realstuff and use code "realstuff" to save up to 15% on select tests. Watch this episode in video form on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjmevEcbh5h5FEX0pazPEtN86t7eb2OgX  To apply to be a guest on the show, visit luciefink.com/apply and send us your story.  I also want to extend a special thank you to East Love for the show's theme song, Rolling Stone.  Follow the show on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealstuffpod  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week we have another incredibly sweet love story! When Lucy wrote in to share how she and her wife fell in love, I knew I had to have her on to share all of the details. Lucy and Liv spent years believing they were both completely straight. They were best friends, inseparable, and deeply connected, but neither of them ever imagined their friendship could become something more. Then, during a Thanksgiving trip that neither of them expected to be life-changing, everything shifted. In this conversation, Lucy walks me through the entire journey: growing up assuming she was straight, forming an intense friendship with Liv, the confusing and exhilarating moment their feelings changed, and how they navigated falling in love while trying to make sense of what it meant for their identities, families, and futures. We talk about friendship, sexuality, labels, intuition, and what it feels like when a connection is so powerful that it completely rewrites the story you thought your life was going to follow. Whether you've questioned your own identity, experienced an unexpected love, or simply enjoy a beautiful love story, this episode is a reminder that sometimes the most important relationships arrive in ways we never could have predicted. Sponsors: Clean Simple Eats: Clean Simple Eats is undeniably clean and 100% delicious. Shop the best-tasting protein drinks at https://www.CleanSimpleEats.com  Cotton: Learn more at https://www.TheFabricOfOurLives.com  Ritual: For a limited time, save 25% on your first month at https://www.Ritual.com/REALSTUFF  Spindrift: Visit https://www.drinkspindrift.com and use code lucie for 15% off. Watch this episode in video form on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjmevEcbh5h5FEX0pazPEtN86t7eb2OgX  To apply to be a guest on the show, visit luciefink.com/apply and send us your story.  I also want to extend a special thank you to East Love for the show's theme song, Rolling Stone.  Follow the show on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealstuffpod  Find Lucie here:  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/luciebfink/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@luciebfink  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/luciebfink Website: https://luciefink.com/  Subscribe to my free newsletter "The Lucie List" here: https://thelucielist.beehiiv.com/subscribe Executive Producer: Cloud10 Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, I'm sitting down with Olivia Levin — the woman behind what is widely considered the number one Taylor Swift fan account in the world, Swifties for Eternity. Olivia started on Tumblr at 13, got followed by Taylor herself, was invited to a secret session at the Holiday House at 17, and somehow turned all of that into a full-time career complete with brand deals, a ticket business, and a book deal with Simon & Schuster. We get into everything in this one — what it was actually like inside Taylor's house the night of the Reputation Secret Session, the moment Taylor made eye contact with her across the room, and what they talked about one-on-one. We also go deep on the business side: how Olivia monetized a fan account, the legalities of building a brand around a celebrity, and the online backlash she faced for charging $3 a month to help fans get face-value Eras Tour tickets. But honestly, the conversation that stuck with me most was about what it means to build your entire career on the back of another person and whether that's really all that different from any of us. We talk about parasocial relationships, the difference between obsession and admiration, the 13 lessons Olivia took from Taylor's career into her own life, and what she'd say to anyone who has a niche passion they can't figure out how to monetize. Olivia also just released her book, The Story of Us: How the Taylor Swift Fandom Changed Our Lives. You can purchase it here: https://amzn.to/4uNCfgS  Sponsors: Spindrift: Visit https://www.drinkspindrift.com and use code lucie for 15% off. Blissy: Wake up with clearer skin, smoother hair, and cooler sleep. Use code LUCIE for an extra 30% off at https://www.blissy.com/LUCIE Labcorp: Visit https://www.OnDemand.Labcorp.com/realstuff and use code "realstuff" to save up to 15% on select tests. Magnetic Me: New customers get 15% off sitewide at https://www.magneticme.com Watch this episode in video form on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjmevEcbh5h5FEX0pazPEtN86t7eb2OgX  To apply to be a guest on the show, visit https://www.luciefink.com/apply and send us your story.  I also want to extend a special thank you to East Love for the show's theme song, Rolling Stone.  Follow the show on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealstuffpod  Find Lucie here:  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/luciebfink/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@luciebfink  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/luciebfink Website: https://luciefink.com/  Subscribe to my free newsletter "The Lucie List" here: https://thelucielist.beehiiv.com/subscribe Executive Producer: Cloud10 Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's audience caller, Cassidy, wrote in after I put out a casting call about kink, but what unfolded in our conversation went so much deeper than sex. It turned into one of the most layered discussions I've had on this show about mental health, medical gaslighting, abusive relationships, divorce, and ultimately, healing. Cassidy spent over a decade being told nothing was wrong with her. Doctors dismissed her symptoms, she cycled through diagnoses of depression, anxiety, and OCD, and it wasn't until 2021 that she finally got answers: autism and eventually a functional neurological disorder. All while surviving (though she didn't know it at the time) an emotionally and sexually abusive 22-year marriage. What I found so fascinating about Cassidy is how she eventually took her healing into her own hands, literally, by exploring rope bondage as a way to regulate her nervous system and rewrite traumatic neural pathways. And she does it with a level of self-awareness, nuance, and calm that honestly blew me away. There's also a moment in this episode I want to flag before you listen: I asked Cassidy point-blank how she could be so open on a public platform about her ex-husband, his abusive behaviors, and the details of their relationship. Her answer surprised me, and it says a lot about who she is. I always find myself fascinated by what makes some people willing to go fully on the record and others not, and this conversation gave me a lot to think about. Follow Cassidy: https://www.instagram.com/whisperingerudite/ Sponsors: Tru Fru: Find it now in the freezer aisle of your grocery store. Spindrift: Visit drinkspindrift.com and use code lucie for 15% off. Ritual: For a limited time, save 25% on your first month at Ritual.com/REALSTUFF Clean Simple Eats: Clean Simple Eats is undeniably clean and 100% delicious. Shop the best-tasting protein drinks at CleanSimpleEats.com. Blissy: Wake up with clearer skin, smoother hair, and cooler sleep. Use code LUCIE for an extra 30% off at blissy.com/LUCIE Watch this episode in video form on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjmevEcbh5h5FEX0pazPEtN86t7eb2OgX  To apply to be a guest on the show, visit luciefink.com/apply and send us your story.  I also want to extend a special thank you to East Love for the show's theme song, Rolling Stone.  Follow the show on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealstuffpod  Find Lucie here:  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/luciebfink/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@luciebfink  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/luciebfink Website: https://luciefink.com/  Subscribe to my free newsletter "The Lucie List" here: https://thelucielist.beehiiv.com/subscribe Executive Producer: Cloud10 Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I have to be honest — when I put out the casting call for people with interesting jobs, I wasn't expecting anything quite like this. Alexandra Sunshine is a senior editor at Kensington Books and, as she describes herself, is the number one romantic editor in the U.S. right now — meaning she has acquired more projects in the romantic genre than anyone else in the country. And yes, "romantasy" means exactly what you think it means: fantasy worlds, magical creatures, swords and crowns... and a lot of very explicit sex. In this conversation, Alex takes me on a full tour of the spicy book world — from the BookTok explosion that completely disrupted publishing, to the sub-genres you didn't know existed (shifter romance, omegaverse, dark romance, "why choose"... we get into all of it). We talk about why women are devouring these books right now, what it says about female sexuality and modern relationships, and why the "touch her and die" trope is basically the ultimate female fantasy. We also get into the surprisingly funny realities of her job: copy editors fact-checking whether a sex position is physically possible, boardroom conversations about explicit content, and the "chili pepper scale" that her sales team ultimately rejected. We also ended up having a really honest conversation about my own book (the psychological thriller I'm currently working on), and Alex gave some genuinely great advice for anyone who's been sitting on a story idea and hasn't started yet. Follow Alex: https://www.instagram.com/Alexhsunshine/ Follow Kensington Books: https://www.instagram.com/kensingtonbooks/ Alex's Book Recommendations Rain of Shadows and Endings by Melissa Roehrich: https://amzn.to/4cZJg6A  Chasing the Wild by Elliott Rose: https://amzn.to/4d5ZcEe Chasing the Ring by Lauren Rowe: https://amzn.to/4cQZIY7 Chasing the Rush by Lauren Rowe: https://amzn.to/4tMkwWB Sponsors: Ogee: Thanks to today's sponsor, Ogee: A higher standard for beauty. Go to ogee.com/LUCIE and use code LUCIE to get 20% off certified organic makeup that performs like luxury. Quince: Go to quince.com/realstuff for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Magnetic Me: New customers get 15% off sitewide at magneticme.com Rhoback: Use code "REALSTUFF" on Rhoback.com for a generous 20% off your first order through the end of this week. Nanit: The Nanit Smart Baby Monitor System is 20% off for Mother's Day. Use code LUCIEFINK at nanit.com to get the 20% off plus a free travel case. Spindrift: Use code LUCIE at DrinkSpindrift.com for 15% off your next order of Spindrift. Watch this episode in video form on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjmevEcbh5h5FEX0pazPEtN86t7eb2OgX  To apply to be a guest on the show, visit luciefink.com/apply and send us your story.  I also want to extend a special thank you to East Love for the show's theme song, Rolling Stone.  Follow the show on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealstuffpod  Find Lucie here:  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/luciebfink/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@luciebfink  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/luciebfink Website: https://luciefink.com/  Subscribe to my free newsletter "The Lucie List" here: https://thelucielist.beehiiv.com/subscribe Executive Producer: Cloud10 Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices