After Bedtime with Big Little Feelings

Have you ever spent your entire life feeling like you're too much, too sensitive, too scattered, too difficult, or just somehow failing at things that seem SO easy for everyone else? Or maybe you're raising a child who hears those exact same things. This episode will completely change the way you see yourself AND your child.Today, fan favorite, my husband Tyler (VP Hype Squad) is joining me for one of our most personal conversations yet. We were both diagnosed with neurodivergence at 37. I have ADHD, Tyler has autism and ADHD, and as it turns out, we're raising a whole lot of neurospicy kids ourselves. We're sharing what we wish we'd known about our brains decades ago, and the things we've learned that have completely changed how we live and parent.In this episode, you'll learn:•The hidden cost of masking: What actually happens when you spend your entire life forcing yourself to appear "normal," and how that constant effort to fit in can lead to exhaustion, burnout, and losing your sense of who you really are.•Why ADHD and autism are so often missed, especially in women: And why you might have spent decades calling yourself lazy, dramatic, difficult, or a failure when there was a completely different explanation.•How to stop fighting against your own brain: The life-changing shifts we've made since our diagnoses that have helped us let go of shame, work WITH our brains, and finally give ourselves some damn grace.•Exactly how we're parenting our neurodivergent kids differently: The questions we ask instead of assuming our kids are being difficult, how we're helping them build skills that actually work for their brains, and what we're doing to make sure they don't grow up believing there's something wrong with them.•How to break the cycle of shame: Because we know firsthand what it feels like to spend your childhood trying desperately to be someone else, and we want something radically different for our kids.Whether you have ADHD or autism, suspect you might, love someone who does, or are raising a child who experiences the world a little differently, this is an episode you need to hear. Because imagine what could change if you finally understood why certain things have always been so hard for you. And imagine what could change for your child if they never had to spend 37 years figuring that out.Plus, Tyler shares his deeply passionate ranking of public bathrooms around the world. Because apparently that's where this conversation needed to go.This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.Aquaphor Baby - Find the new Aquaphor Baby Sensitive Lotion now at Walmart, Amazon andTarget. Visit aquaphorus.com to learn moreHiya Health - Receive 50% off your first order of Hiya’s best selling children’s vitamin. Head to hiyahealth.com/BLF. Quince - Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com/BLF for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Zocdoc - Head to zocdoc.com/BLF to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list!Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You can be wildly self-aware, deeply loving, in therapy, reading all the books, trying your absolute hardest - and still turn into a completely different person the second your relationship gets hard.Maybe you start explaining yourself, clarifying and clarifying. Or, maybe you shut down and can’t find a single word. Maybe you need to fix it RIGHT NOW while your partner needs hours, or days, to process and be ready to talk about it all. Maybe you say “I’m fine” while internally writing a dissertation called Actually, I Am Not Fine At All and I Want You to Notice. Or, maybe you keep having the same fight in different outfits and cannot figure out why you both keep ending up in the exact same place.That is what this episode is about. Welcome to the Attachment Styles episode. This is about looking at yourself closely enough to notice the moves you make automatically when connection gets hard, where those moves came from, and whether they are actually helping you build the relationship you want. Because sometimes, the thing that feels completely reasonable in the moment is also the exact thing keeping the cycle alive - until you notice and name it.Maybe you pursue harder because you want closeness, and your partner pulls away even more. Or perhaps you shut down because you need space, and the other person experiences that as abandonment. Maybe you people-please to keep the peace and then quietly resent everyone involved. Or you wait for your partner to magically know what you need because having to ask somehow makes it feel less meaningful.Good news: None of this means you are doomed at relationships. It means you have patterns. We all do - and once you can actually see yours, you finally have something to work with.In this episode, Deena gets into what attachment styles actually mean in real life, how they show up in conflict, and how two people who genuinely love each other can accidentally create a dynamic that leaves both of them feeling completely misunderstood.You’ll walk away knowing how to:Spot your own “protective move” before it takes over the entire conversationUnderstand why you chase, withdraw, defend, over-function, people-please, or go emotionally offlineSay what you actually need instead of turning your needs into a test your partner doesn’t know they’re takingTake space without abandoning the conversationTake accountability for your impact without shaming yourself for having a historyRepair after conflict in a way that changes the pattern instead of just producing another apologyBuild more security inside yourself and your relationships without becoming some perfectly regulated robot who never gets triggeredThis episode will also be the accountability nudge you might just need to grow. Because understanding yourself isn’t about giving yourself a new excuse; “I have an anxious attachment style” isn’t a free pass to make your partner responsible for regulating every uncomfortable feeling. “I shut down during conflict” doesn’t mean everyone around you has to accept that hard conversations never happen. Your history can explain your reactions, without getting to run the whole damn show. This is where the power is.You’ll leave this episode empowered - with the new skill of being able to catch the moment where the old pattern usually takes over and ask, “Do I actually want to do this again?” You get to stop making the same move and being shocked when you land in the same place. Learn how to stay connected without disappearing inside the relationship, how to ask for what you need without abandoning yourself, and how to move through conflict without treating every hard moment like proof that something is fundamentally wrong.So if you’ve ever thought, “Why am I like this in relationships?” or “Why do we keep having this SAME fight?” this episode is your map. Relationship patterns are learned - they’re practiced, they can feel automatic as hell. BUT they do not get the final say. This episode is about growing and healing, and it’ll transform your current relationships - with others, and yourself.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Would you let your kid wear pajamas to school? Forget their homework and face the consequences? Tell Grandma they don’t want a hug? Quit a sport halfway through the season? Eat candy for breakfast? You probably have an immediate answer to at least a few of those. But here’s where it gets interesting: What if the parenting “rule” you’re following is actually making things harder for your kid… and for you?SO much of parenting is spent wondering: Am I holding a healthy boundary…or am I fighting a battle that literally does not matter? Am I helping my kid…or rescuing them? Am I teaching resilience…or ignoring what my specific kid actually needs? If you’ve ever spiraled over whether you’re being too strict, too permissive, too involved, or somehow doing the exact thing that’s going to screw up your kid forever, this is the episode you need.We're playing an unfiltered round of “Would You Let Your Kid...?” and get into the parenting decisions that sound black-and-white online but get a whole lot messier IRL.We get into:* Pajamas at school and how to know when a battle is actually worth fighting* Forgotten homework and when helping is NOT the same thing as “rescuing”* Why your kid should always be allowed to say no to a hug — even with Grandma* Allowance, chores, and whether you let them blow their own money on something completely ridiculous* Sleepovers, birthday party exclusions, and quitting a sport mid-season* How neurodivergence can completely change what the “right” answer looks likeBetween the hot takes and spicy debates, we get into the fact that there usually isn’t one clear answer for every kid. Sometimes it's yes. Sometimes it’s absolutely no. And sometimes you just have to know the kid standing in front of you before you can answer at all.If you’ve been second-guessing your parenting lately, listen to this one. You might walk away realizing you can let go of way more than you thought.This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.Aquaphor Baby - Find the new Aquaphor Baby Sensitive Lotion now at Walmart, Amazon andTarget. Visit aquaphorus.com to learn moreBoll & Branch - Get 15% off your first set of sheets plus free shipping at bollandbranch.com/BLF with code BLF. Hiya Health - Receive 50% off your first order of Hiya’s best selling children’s vitamin. Head to hiyahealth.com/BLF. Quince - Go to quince.com/BLF for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Yoto - Head to yotoplay.com and use my code BIGLITTLEFEELINGS  to save 10% off all eligible items.Zocdoc - Head to zocdoc.com/BLF to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list!Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.