A Bit of Optimism

Giving and receiving feedback is one of the hardest things we do at work and most of us just... avoid it. But avoiding feedback has a cost. Everything you need to grow is already in the room and it's just sitting in your blind spot. Your colleagues can see it. Your boss can see it. And nobody will tell you, unless you learn to ask. Feelings at Work is a special five-part series from A Bit of Optimism, where Simon Sinek and Alex Simon, founder of LifeShop, explore the human skills that shape how we work, lead, and build relationships. Together, they unpack the emotional challenges most of us face every day—from people pleasing and listening to giving feedback, taking accountability, and having difficult conversations. In this episode, Alex and Simon take on feedback: how to give it, how to take it, and how to ask for it. You’ll discover ways to give feedback people can actually hear, receive criticism without taking it personally, and build a feedback culture on any team. Alex and Simon share practical techniques like the one-word ritual Simon borrowed from the Air Force that made his whole company crave critiques, the “FBI” method for delivering hard feedback without blowing up relationships, and questions Alex asks her team to surface everything left unsaid, like "What are you afraid to tell me?" In this episode you'll learn: ➡️ Why we avoid giving feedback + what that avoidance quietly costs our teams ➡️ "Spears": the Air Force ritual that turns criticism into something people actually want ➡️ The “FBI” (Feelings, Behavior, Impact) method for giving feedback people can actually hear ➡️ The Army Rangers' peer assessment’s "foxhole question" + what it reveals about character ➡️ How to think of feedback as preventative care and build that muscle ➡️ Why everyone receives feedback differently (+ how to give people what they need) ➡️ When to give feedback (hint: never the moment you think of it) ➡️ The four-word habit that builds a thick skin: "What can I do better?" Whether you're leading a team, managing up, or just tired of side-texting about a problem no one will name out loud, feedback is one of the most valuable skills you can build. And remember: feedback is kind, even when it’s not nice. This... is A Bit of Optimism. + + + Chapters 00:00:00 The Spinach in Your Teeth Problem: Why Nobody Tells You 00:03:48 The Story of Two Failed Feedback Sessions 00:06:37 Why Feedback Obsession Changes Everything 00:08:05 The Company That Was Too Nice to Give Feedback 00:10:35 Army Rangers and the Three-Level Evaluation System 00:14:24 Why Giving Feedback Feels So Hard 00:17:16 Spears: The Air Force Technique That Changed Everything 00:20:08 All the Information You Need Is in Your Blind Spot 00:22:28 FBI: The Three-Part Formula for Feedback That Lands 00:25:37 Why Vague Praise Doesn't Help Anyone 00:27:16 Credit Is Free: Recognition Languages at Work 00:31:05 The Collaboration Meeting: Preventing Problems Before They Start 00:42:34 The Air Force Commander Who Cried Every Night for Six Months 00:45:08 When to Give Feedback: Not When You Think of It 00:47:24 The Virtuous Cycle: What Happens When You Get Feedback Right 00:49:08 How to Build the Muscle of Receiving Feedback 00:51:43 Generational Difference For Feedback 00:52:57 One Simple Question: What Can I Do Better? 00:55:49 Feedback Is Kind Even When It's Not Nice + + + Website: http://simonsinek.com/ Leaderful: https://simonsinek.com/leaderful Podcast: http://apple.co/simonsinek Instagram: https://instagram.com/simonsinek/ Linkedin: https://linkedin.com/in/simonsinek/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/simonsinek Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/simonsinek + + + About Alex Simon Alex Simon is the founder of Lifeshop, a school for adult emotional education and teaches emotional intelligence at Yale University. She teaches the emotional and communication skills we all should've learned in school—but didn't. She facilitates experiential workshops on how to have hard conversations, stop people pleasing, listen better, navigate major life transitions, and build healthier relationships. Her sessions are practical, deeply connective, and somehow shockingly fun. When she was 27, Alex created The Self & Other: In Theory and Practice, one of Yale's most sought-after courses. In 2025, she founded Lifeshop in New York to bring emotional education beyond the classroom and into everyday life. She also launched The School of Life in New York and leads workshops for organizations around the world. Before dedicating her career to emotional education, Alex worked as a management consultant at Bain and held strategy and operations roles across industries. She has also lived and trained at Plum Village and Esalen and completed dozens of programs in mindfulness, communication, and personal development.

Maybe this sounds familiar: you fall hard for someone, and over a year later you're fighting about the very things that drew you to them in the first place. And you can't figure out how the person who felt so right suddenly feels so wrong. Dr. Harville Hendrix has spent 50 years studying love. And he’s also lived through its hardest challenges: one divorce, two near-misses in his current marriage, and a couple’s therapist who fired him and his wife, calling them "the couple from hell." That marriage is now 45 years strong. Harville is a couples therapist, and alongside his wife and creative partner Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, they creator Imago Relationship Therapy. They’ve also written 10 books, including the bestseller Getting the Love You Want, the book that made him a fixture on Oprah for nearly two decades. Harville’s theory is this: we don't consciously choose who we fall for, rather our unconscious does. And it has an agenda. In this episode you'll learn: ➡️ Why you keep falling for the same person ➡️ What your childhood has to do with who you swipe right on ➡️ Why the "power struggle" phase might mean you picked the right person ➡️ The shift that saved Harville's own marriage after divorce papers were filed ➡️ Why some of us can't receive love (even when we ask for it) ➡️ What arranged marriages understood about commitment that we forgot ➡️ The difference between equal relationships and egalitarian ones ➡️ How to reach the stage where you have no needs left… only wants In this conversation, Harville makes the case that real romantic love is what gets built after the fantasy collapses, when two people commit to the work of meeting each other's needs instead of demanding their own. And the engine of that transformation goes beyond compatibility and chemistry—it's gratitude and service. This… is A Bit of Optimism. + + + Want to keep up with Harville’s work? Check out: https://harvilleandhelen.com/ If you’d like to buy Harville & Helen’s latest book, How to Talk with Anyone about Anything, head to: https://harvilleandhelen.com/books/how-to-talk-with-anyone-about-anything/ + + + Chapters Chapters 00:00:00 Nature's Agenda: Why We Fall for the Wrong Person 00:02:02 From Sharecropper's Farm to Oprah: Harville's Unexpected Journey 00:06:07 The 30-Second Encounters That Changed Everything 00:10:17 We Almost Divorced Twice: The Couple From Hell 00:13:21 Child Consciousness vs Adult Consciousness: The Critical Shift 00:15:57 The Gratitude That Ends the Yearning 00:18:45 Why Both People Don't Need to Change at Once 00:20:28 The Unconscious Imago: Your Brain Picks Who You Fall For 00:26:34 The 18-Month Fantasy: When the Real Person Shows Up 00:30:40 Arranged Marriages vs Choice: The Paradox of Commitment 00:34:47 The No Exit Decision: Why You'll Want to Quit When It's Working 00:36:34 The Transparency Trap: Afraid of Losing What You Found 00:38:35 Receiving Love: The Dinner Story That Changes Everything 00:45:49 Equal vs Egalitarian: The Recipe for Partnership 00:47:23 Dating IRL: Why Technology Can't Replace Face-to-Face 00:50:54 When Needs Become Wants: Life After Gratitude + + + Simon is an unshakable optimist. He believes in a bright future and our ability to build it together. Described as “a visionary thinker with a rare intellect,” Simon has devoted his professional life to help advance a vision of the world that does not yet exist; a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single morning inspired, feel safe wherever they are and end the day fulfilled by the work that they do. Simon is the author of multiple best-selling books including Start With Why, Leaders Eat Last, Together is Better, and The Infinite Game. + + + Website: http://simonsinek.com/ Leaderful: https://simonsinek.com/leaderful Podcast: http://apple.co/simonsinek Instagram: https://instagram.com/simonsinek/ Linkedin: https://linkedin.com/in/simonsinek/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/simonsinek Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/simonsinek

We often comfort ourselves with the idea that things happen for a reason, or define our struggles as a test of strength. Tom Nash might ask you to reconsider. Tom is a speaker, former DJ, and globe-trotting advocate for agency, anti-fragility, and the radical idea that your worst moment might be your greatest asset — as he argued in his TED Talk, "The Perks of Being a Pirate.” He’s also the mind behind Last Meal with Tom Nash where he asks his guests what their last meal would be if the world ended tomorrow, and then actually cooks it for them. In our conversation, Tom shares how, at 19, a rare bacterial infection left him a quadruple amputee with a 2% chance of survival. And he'll tell you it's the best thing that ever happened to him. This isn’t just another conversation about resilience. It’s a deep dive into agency and the difference between a life that happens to you and one you actually choose. In this episode, we explore: ➡️ Why the story you tell yourself about your own life is the most powerful force in it ➡️ The difference between resilience and anti-fragility (and why it matters) ➡️ Tom’s framework for navigating adversity: The Artist, the Author, and the Alchemist ➡️ The counterintuitive reason why we actually need support networks ➡️ Why "everything happens for a reason" can be a trap (and the perspective that works better) ➡️ What your last meal choice reveals about what you're really searching for ➡️ Why the concept of being "self-made" is a dangerous illusion Tom joins me to ask a fundamental question: who is really holding the pen when it comes to your story? This… is A Bit of Optimism. + + + Watch the new season of Tom’s show Last Meal with Tom Nash and head to: https://www.lastmealwithtomnash.com Want more Tom? Check out his website: https://www.tomnash.com + + + Chapters Chapters 00:00:00 Adversity Can Be The Best Thing You Experience 00:03:45 Tom's Story: Contracting Meningococcal Disease 00:07:47 The Gift of Agency: Choosing to Amputate 00:16:18 The Artist, The Author, and The Alchemist: A Framework for Anti-Fragility 00:20:28 The Alchemist: Turning Adversity Into Advantage 00:23:52 Learning to Walk Again: The Momentum Metaphor 00:26:57 The True Purpose of Support Networks 00:34:33 Why 'Everything Happens for a Reason' Robs You of Agency 00:47:37 The Last Meal Question: What Your Choice Reveals About Freedom 00:42:23 Joel Robuchon: Leadership Through Teaching, Not Commanding 00:58:34 The Problem With Inspirational Affirmations 01:00:59 Stop Saying Everything Happens for a Reason + + + Simon is an unshakable optimist. He believes in a bright future and our ability to build it together. Described as “a visionary thinker with a rare intellect,” Simon has devoted his professional life to help advance a vision of the world that does not yet exist; a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single morning inspired, feel safe wherever they are and end the day fulfilled by the work that they do. Simon is the author of multiple best-selling books including Start With Why, Leaders Eat Last, Together is Better, and The Infinite Game. + + + Website: http://simonsinek.com/ Leaderful: https://simonsinek.com/leaderful Podcast: http://apple.co/simonsinek Instagram: https://instagram.com/simonsinek/ Linkedin: https://linkedin.com/in/simonsinek/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/simonsinek Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/simonsinek Simon’s books: The Infinite Game: https://simonsinek.com/books/the-infinite-game/ Start With Why: https://simonsinek.com/books/start-with-why/ Find Your Why: https://simonsinek.com/books/find-your-why/ Leaders Eat Last: https://simonsinek.com/books/leaders-eat-last/ Together is Better: https://simonsinek.com/books/together-is-better/

It’s often true that the most challenging conversations are often the ones most worth having. Conversations that bring up strong feelings, different experiences, and questions without easy answers. Policing, and how we can make it better, is one of those conversations. San Leandro Police Chief Angela Averiett has spent nearly three decades in law enforcement, navigating the profession’s challenges while advocating for a healthier path forward. I met Angela through The Curve, my organization focused on helping policing evolve to meet the needs of a modern world. She’s a powerful example of forward-thinking leadership, exploring how culture, mindset, and psychological safety shape the way officers show up for each other and for the communities they serve. In this episode, Angela and I unpack why cynicism is so common among officers, how strong leadership creates healthier team cultures, and why rebuilding trust in policing starts from the inside out. Angela shares stories from her career that reveal a different side of police work: where compassion improves safety, discretion matters more than enforcement, and leadership means creating space for people to be human. Together, we explore the balance between strength and empathy, and why healthier internal cultures lead to stronger relationships with the public. Whether you’re a leader interested in organizational culture or simply curious about how policing can evolve, I hope this conversation offers an honest and hopeful perspective on the work ahead. --------------------------- If you want to learn more about the work The Curve is doing, head to: https://www.thecurve.org ---------------------------