ADHD reWired

Episode topic: ADHD, sex, desire discrepancy, intimacy, communication, kink, queerness, polyamory, and what happens when libido doesn't match in relationships. Content note: This episode includes candid adult conversation about sex, desire, libido, kink, dating apps, polyamory, and sexual communication. Episode Summary What happens when one partner wants sex more than the other? What if ADHD affects libido in both directions? And what if "just do it" is actually some of the worst advice out there? In this episode, Eric is joined by Laura Jurgens, a dual-certified master relationship and intimacy coach, desire and arousal specialist, and host of The Desire Gap podcast. Laura helps individuals and couples create more authentic sexual connection, including when one or both partners are neurodivergent. Eric and Laura get into a candid, shame-free conversation about ADHD, sex, mismatched libido, desire discrepancies, rejection sensitivity, sensory needs, communication, and why so many people struggle to talk openly about what they actually want. Laura explains why desire differences are incredibly common in long-term relationships, why obligation sex can create resentment and shut down libido, and how ADHD can shape both high and low desire. She also shares how people can begin reconnecting with their bodies, practicing self-attunement, and communicating more clearly with partners. The conversation also explores sex positivity, kink positivity, queer dating, bisexuality, polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and the importance of honest, embodied consent. This episode is frank, playful, personal, and deeply human. In This Episode, You'll Hear About Why desire discrepancy is common in long-term relationships How ADHD can contribute to both high libido and low libido Why "just do it" is terrible advice for mismatched desire The difference between sex for connection and sex for nervous system regulation How obligation sex can lead to resentment, shutdown, pain, or sexual dysfunction Why a partner can start to feel like a "tool" or "medication" when sex becomes self-regulation The role of dopamine, novelty, and hyperfocus in ADHD sexuality Why some ADHDers struggle to get out of their heads and into their bodies How stress, burnout, and nervous system activation can shut down libido Why self-attunement is a key starting point for intimacy How alexithymia can complicate emotional and sexual communication What "sex positive" and "kink positive" can actually mean Why embodied consent matters more than intellectual "I guess this is fine" consent How kink communities can model explicit communication and negotiation The risks of opening a relationship when the relationship is already disconnected Why polyamory requires a high level of trust, communication, and self-awareness Dating while bisexual, queer, neurodivergent, or exploring new relational identities How to disclose needs and patterns without using ADHD as a "get out of jail free" card Why communicating about withdrawal, burnout, and alone time matters in relationships Notable Moments / Quote Pulls "Obligation sex is the worst possible advice." "If you are trying to manage your partner's feelings with your body, that is a one-way ticket to resentment town." "Sex can become the way an ADHDer gets into their body and out of their head." "Your partner starts feeling like a tool or a medication rather than a person you authentically want to connect with." "Compatibility doesn't mean there are no differences. It means there are differences you can navigate." "Do I love the sex I'm having? That's a question a lot of people aren't even asking themselves." "Practice with the kitten to play with the tiger." "Don't yuck on someone else's yum." "You don't have to be evangelically polyamorous." Guest Bio Laura Jurgens is a dual-certified master relationship and intimacy coach and host of The Desire Gap podcast. She is a desire and arousal specialist who helps individuals and couples discover authentic sexual connection, including when one or both partners are neurodivergent. Her approach helps people release shame, shed relationship anxiety, and build confidence through more effective communication. Her work is play-based, practical, inclusive, trauma-informed, and grounded in current research. Laura is a former university professor with a PhD in biological sciences, with certifications from the Somatica Institute, The Life Coach School, and the NeuroAffective Touch Institute. Learn more about Laura at laurajurgens.com and listen to The Desire Gap podcast. Resources & Links Learn more about Laura Jurgens: laurajurgens.com Listen to Laura's podcast: The Desire Gap Learn more about ADHD reWired Coaching & Accountability Groups: coachingrewired.com Learn more about ADHD reWired: adhdrewired.com Join Adult Study Hall, our virtual coworking community: adultstudyhall.com Support the show on Patreon: patreon.com/adhdrewired Sponsor / Program Mention Registration is open for the next season of ADHD reWired Coaching & Accountability Groups. This is our intensive coaching and accountability program for ADHD adults who want more structure, support, follow-through, and connection. Learn more and start pre-registration at: coachingrewired.com

🎧 Special Announcement: Alumni Voices + Your Chance to Join ADHD reWired In this special announcement episode of ADHD reWired, Eric shares something a little different: a powerful 10-minute audio montage of alumni from our most recent coaching group — voices from ADHDers just like you who finished the program not long ago. You'll hear, in their own words, why they joined, what they were struggling with, and what changed for them over 8 weeks of coaching, accountability, and connection. From burnout and overwhelm to self-doubt and shame, these stories highlight the real transformations that can happen with the right support. 👉 Our second-chance registration event is Thursday, June 26th at 10 AM Pacific / 1 PM Eastern! ✅ Pre-registration is due by Wednesday, June 25th at least 24 hours before the event. 📝 Session details: Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays 10 AM Pacific / 1 PM Eastern July 24th through September 18th 💥 Ready to join us? Here's your next step: 1️⃣ Go to coachingrewired.com 2️⃣ If you're not already on our interest list, click the button to join 3️⃣ Check your email and confirm your address so you don't miss anything When you join the interest list, you'll also get: A free time tracker we use in group A letter you can share with your employer about the program 🎧 Even if joining this season isn't possible for you, we hope these alumni stories remind you: 👉 You're not alone. 👉 You can do hard things — and you don't have to do them the hardest way possible.

In episode 550 of ADHD reWired, Eric Tivers sits down with Dr. Shannan Palma to explore Decide—a suite of AI-powered decision-support tools built by and for neurodivergent brains. Throughout this conversation, you'll hear about: How Decide leverages AI (Gemini and large language models) to help with everyday choices and multi-step tasks. The story behind IT Assistive Technologies and the Autistic Self-Reliance Support Network. Real-world examples of "decision fatigue" and how Decide's guided and randomized features ease choice paralysis. The balance between AI assistance and human insight—and why a trusting, well-prompted tool can feel like a personal neurodivergent life coach. Pricing, privacy, and the community-focused mission: 85 percent of ITI's profits fund disability-led initiatives. Bonus segments on Pride Month, coaching groups, virtual coworking, and how to get involved with ADHD reWired's summer programs. Use these show notes to get a quick overview, find useful links, and discover why Decide might become your new go-to when you're stuck choosing dinner, figuring out a daily routine, or simply need a gentle "nudge" to move forward. Episode Summary Dr. Shannan Palma—co-founder of Decide and co-director of the Autistic Self-Reliance Support Network—joins Eric to unpack how tools designed by autistic and ADHD adults can transform decision making for all of us. Shannan shares her own late autism and ADHD diagnoses, the challenges she faced finding resources after getting "the piece of paper," and how a 48-hour hackathon sparked a project that won first prize and secured nearly $400 k in grant funding. From door-dash dilemmas to life-altering choices (like whether to adopt a foster dog), Decide offers two core modes: Randomized Choice Generator Users create custom lists (e.g., favorite restaurants, daily routines) and assign energy costs. The app selects an option based on your current energy level—no more breakfast indecision or "what to watch next" paralysis. Guided Decision Assistance A series of friendly, "affirmative" prompts mirror a real-time coach. By reflecting back your own criteria (energy, resources, priorities), Decide delivers a percentage-confidence recommendation and rationale—so you can make a defensible, informed choice without overthinking. Along the way, Shannan emphasizes the importance of privacy (your data always belongs to you), ethical AI (focusing on "do no harm"), and how Decide's freemium model avoids the "ADHD tax" by offering 10 free guided decisions per month. Premium access is available for $4.99/month, but you can cancel at any time without losing progress. Key Takeaways Why "Decision Fatigue" Matters: Neurodivergent brains often struggle with countless small choices (e.g., "What's for dinner?"). Decide's randomized generator isn't just for fun—it reduces executive-function load by factoring in your energy level and pre-ranked options. Guided Mode = Personalized Neurodivergent Coaching: Instead of writing complex prompts for ChatGPT or Claude, Decide asks you targeted yes/no/unsure questions. Once you answer, it gives a clear recommendation (with a confidence score) plus a brief "why," so you trust your decision-making process. Built by Autistic + ADHD Makers: After Shannan's late autism diagnosis, she realized few supports existed for lower-visibility autistic adults. A 48-hour hackathon (Give Back Hack Columbus) brought together autistic and ADHD engineers, designers, and researchers—leading to Decide's prototype and subsequent $400 k grant from Ohio's Department of Developmental Disabilities. Community-First Funding Model: 85 percent of any IT Assistive Technologies' profits flow back to the Autistic Self-Reliance Support Network (ASR). ASR focuses on autonomy and resources for autistic adults—rather than caregiver research—aiming to expand capacity and economic inclusion across the lifespan. Privacy & Data Rights: Decide won't train AI on your personal data, and you retain full ownership of anything you input. Future plans include an opt-in research repository for autistic/ADHD lifespan data—governed by community safeguards. Bonus: Pride Month & ADHD ReWired Community Updates: Neurodivergent Pride Panel: Friday, June 13th at 10 AM PT / 1 PM ET (free registration at adhdrewired.com/pride2025). Summer Coaching Groups kick off July 24th—save $200 by joining the registration kickoff on June 18th (more info at coachingrewired.com). Adult Study Hall: Virtual coworking with monthly "Pomodoro Dance Parties" (4th Friday, Pride-themed on June 27th). Try a 1-week free trial at adultstudyhall.com. Next Live Q&A: Tuesday, June 10th at 10:30 AM PT / 1:30 PM ET (become a Patron at patreon.com/adhdrewired for behind-the-scenes coaching calls). Resources & Links Decide AI Decision Assistant • Web: iassist.com/decide • App Store (iOS) & Google Play (Android) • Guided decisions: 10 free/month; Premium: $4.99/month (cancel anytime) Dr. Shannan Palma & IT Assistive Technologies • IT Assistive Technologies (for-profit): itassist.com • Autistic Self-Reliance Support Network (non-profit): autisticselfreliance.org • LinkedIn: Shannan Palma (mention you heard the podcast!) Neurodivergent Pride & June Events • Neurodivergent Pride Panel (June 13): adhdrewired.com/pride2025 • Adult Study Hall Pomodoro Dance Party (June 27): adultstudyhall.com ADHD ReWired Coaching & Community • Summer Coaching Groups (start July 24): coachingrewired.com • Live Q&A (June 10): RSVP details sent to interest list • Patreon: patreon.com/adhdrewired Books & References • Annie Duke, Thinking in Bets (on decision quality vs. outcome quality) • "Selling Out the Spectrum" by Ryan E. Conviction (autistic journalist on research ethics)

What happens when two ADHDers realize there's more to the story? In this deeply personal and exploratory episode, Eric is joined by his friend and fellow coach, Portia Jackson Preston, for an honest, vulnerable, and unmasked conversation about discovering—later in life—that they're not just ADHD… they're also autistic. April is Autism Acceptance Month and there's no better time to peel back the layers. Eric and Portia share their parallel journeys of exploring what it means to be AuDHD, how autism was hiding in plain sight for both of them, and how late diagnosis is reshaping their self-understanding, their relationships, their parenting, and their work. Together, they unpack: What unmasking looks like—and feels like—especially when it's not a conscious choice Why self-diagnosis is valid and often necessary How intersecting identities impact recognition and diagnosis The grief and growth that come with seeing your past through a new lens Why autistic burnout hit both of them so hard (and what they're doing now to recover) And how this shift is impacting their businesses, boundaries, and sense of self You'll also hear about how EMDR therapy played a pivotal role in both of their journeys, how the Johari Window concept reframed Eric's understanding of his blind spots, and how reconnecting with their full, authentic selves has allowed for deeper joy—even in the weirdest places (like dancing at a Phish show with hand flaps in full glory). This is the kind of conversation that gives others permission to explore, to question, and to be. 👉 Related links & resources: Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price Unmasking for Life by Dr. Devon Price Coaching Groups at ADHD reWired Virtual CoWorking with Adult Study Hall Portia Jackson Preston on Instagram: @portiasjourney 🎧 Takeaways: Unmasking isn't a one-time event—it's a process. Late diagnosis can be both a relief and a reckoning. Self-compassion isn't optional; it's a survival tool. You don't have to prove your neurodivergence to anyone. It's okay to change. It's okay to grieve. And it's okay to rest.

In this episode of ADHD reWired, Eric Tivers welcomes Chris Hooten, a LinkedIn Top Facilitation Voice and certified neuro-mindfulness coach. With over 15 years of experience, Chris specializes in helping neurodiverse organizations foster inclusive communication, leadership, and workplace strategies. Eric begins the episode with a personal update, sharing his ongoing journey of overcoming burnout and a recent formal autism evaluation. He also highlights his interviews on Chasing Life with Dr. Sanjay Gupta and Entrepreneur on Fire, as well as the pressing need for advocacy in the face of recent policy changes that threaten diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) initiatives. The core discussion revolves around communication challenges in neurodivergent teams and how traditional workplace structures often fail to accommodate neurodiverse employees. Chris introduces the 4D Model of Neuroinclusive Communication—a framework designed to improve communication by making it more descriptive, deliberate, direct, and diverse. They discuss common workplace miscommunication issues, the pitfalls of platforms like Slack for neurodivergent individuals, and how managers can foster psychological safety. Chris also explores the systemic barriers that impact neurodivergent and marginalized individuals in professional spaces. They emphasize shifting away from medicalized, deficit-based narratives about neurodiversity and adopting an intersectional, affirming approach that values lived experiences. Eric and Chris conclude by reflecting on the evolving nature of work, the need for workplace wellness, and how neurodivergent individuals are often the first to recognize unsustainable work environments. Chris shares insights on fostering genuine inclusion rather than performative DEI efforts and provides strategies for improving workplace culture. 🔗 Find Chris Hooten: ChrisHootenConsulting.com | LinkedIn | Instagram 💡 Resources & Announcements: Pre-registration is now open for the ADHD reWired Coaching & Accountability Groups. Secure your spot at coachingrewired.com. Spring Sessions April 24 - June 19th. Join Adult Study Hall for virtual co-working and upcoming Zentangle workshops at adultstudyhall.com. Support the show on Patreon at patreon.com/ADHDrewired. 🎧 Listen Now! Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast app! Contact Chris at https://chrishootenconsulting.com/ ADHD reWired's Coaching and Accountability Groups: www.coachingrewired.com Adult Study Hall: www.adultstudyhall.com Eric on the Chasing Life Podcast - https://www.cnn.com/audio/podcasts/chasing-life/episodes/af3c5cb0-37bb-11ef-8219-ab8d404559ae Eric on Entrepuner on Fire https://www.eofire.com/podcast/erictivers2/ 5 Calls https://5calls.org/

Eric Tivers continues to reflect on his journey of overcoming burnout and seeking solutions for long-term sustainable energy management. ADHD at 80 MPH is a nod to the last episode recorded in the car about 9 years ago. Episode 47 called ADHD at 55 MPH. Recording from his car during a road trip, Eric shares his experiences of taking a solo retreat to recharge and refocus and to think about yearly planning. He discusses his efforts to rebalance his work and personal needs, and some insights he's recently gained. The episode also touches on his continued discovery of being autistic alongside having ADHD and how it's shaping his approach to life and business. Eric also announces the opening of registration for winter coaching and accountability groups, reflecting on the value of community and structured support for ADHD individuals. The episode concludes with hearing from some recent coaching group alumi and with logistical details about upcoming coaching sessions and community events. 1:07 Winter Coaching and Accountability Groups 01:30 Road Trip Reflections 03:47 Burnout and Sustainability 15:45 Coaching Group Success Stories 22:02 Upcoming Events and Announcements 25:36 Conclusion and Farewell Registration for our winter groups starts Jan. 3, 2025. Winter sessions are January 30 - March 27. Add your name to our interest list at www.coachingrewired.com It's not to late to do your yearly planning with ADHD reWired in Adult Study Hall. Our 5-part yearly planning series is available on demand for Adult Study Hall Members. Join today. It's only $19.99 a month, or save with an annual membership for only $150 for the year. You can also support this work on Patreon. *Note - There will be no Monthly Patreon Coaching Call, or Pomodoro Dance Party for Adult Study Hall Members in December. But we'll be back in January.

In this episode of ADHD reWired, Eric Tivers is joined by Mattia Mauree, an award-winning composer, poet, and host of the AUDHD Flourishing Podcast. Mattia shares their insights into the unique challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals, particularly those with ADHD and autism, as they navigate trauma, self-expression, and what they describe as "attention tunnels." Mattia opens up about their personal journey, discussing the impact of complex PTSD, disordered eating, and their late diagnoses of ADHD and autism. They explain how monotropism—having a narrower field of focus—shapes their experience as a neurodivergent person. Through the lens of monotropism, Mattia explores how being stuck in an attention tunnel can make transitioning to different tasks or social situations feel overwhelming and distressing. Eric and Mattia dive deep into the intersections of trauma and neurodivergence, examining how neurodivergent brains may be more easily traumatized, especially in environments that fail to meet their unique needs. They discuss the profound impact of neurodivergent parents raising neurodivergent children and the challenges of navigating systems that don't support their differences. This conversation also highlights the importance of self-expression in healing and flourishing. Mattia explains how self-expression, rather than achievement, has become central to their definition of success, emphasizing the importance of creating work that resonates emotionally, even if it doesn't fit the traditional metrics of success. Other topics discussed include: The connection between hyperfocus and monotropism in ADHD and autism How Mattia balances creativity, self-care, and flourishing as a neurodivergent individual The complexity of navigating trauma in neurodivergent families The importance of community and support systems for neurodivergent creatives and entrepreneurs This episode is a must-listen for anyone interested in understanding the complex interplay of trauma, neurodivergence, and flourishing. Whether you identify as neurodivergent or are simply curious about these experiences, this conversation offers valuable insights into the importance of creating space for self-expression, healing, and growth. Connect with Mattia Mauree: Website: AUDHDFlourishing.com Podcast: AUDHD Flourishing Support ADHD reWired on Patreon: If you've enjoyed this episode and want to support the podcast, consider becoming a patron at ADHDrewired.com/Patreon. Your support helps keep the podcast going and brings more episodes to listeners like you! Join ADHD reWired Coaching and Accountability Groups: Our coaching groups return this fall! Learn how to manage your ADHD more effectively in a supportive, community-based program. Visit coachingrewired.com to get all the details.