Flying Free

In this episode I’m answering a pressing question Christian women in difficult marriages ask: how do you find a church that will actually support you instead of silence you?Because not all churches are created equal, and the difference between a safe church and a harmful one can change everything for a woman trying to find her footing. I’ll break down exactly what to look for, what to ask, and what red flags to run from.🔑 Key Takeaways:There's a question you can ask a pastor before ever setting foot in a pew that will tell you almost everything you need to know about whether that church is safe.What a church puts on its website (and what it leaves off) reveals far more than you might think about how they actually treat abuse survivors.One word in a pastor's answer about couples counseling is a dealbreaker. Do you know what it is?The church's leadership page can disqualify them before you ever walk through the door. There's a theology that sounds biblical and even beautiful to some women, but I make a case that it's actually setting the stage for harm.Get Today’s Free Resource:📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

What happens when you stop asking for permission in an abusive marriage?Today, Jillian shares her story of waking up to covert abuse in her Christian marriage and what it took to finally get out.You'll hear how she recognized the patterns, why she chose to leave despite having a young son, and what life looks like now on the other side. If you've been wondering whether things could actually be different, this conversation will show you what's possible when you start rescuing yourself.🔑 Key Takeaways:The warning signs started immediately after marriage: Jillian noticed holiday ruining, rage, silent treatment, and passive aggression within the first year—but spent nine more years trying to fix it.The permission trap: When Jillian hired a life coach without asking, her husband threatened consequences and demanded she "ask permission"—revealing his need for control.Staying "for the kids" actually harms them: Jillian left because of her son, not despite him, knowing that growing up watching dysfunction would hardwire toxic patterns into his brain.Divorce doesn't have to be a war: Jillian's divorce took just three months because she was willing to "buy her freedom" and give him what he wanted (money, custody, reputation).Post-divorce transformation is real: Two years out, Jillian has rebuilt her self-trust, started a successful business, and is leveling up emotionally—proof that change isn't just possible, it's exponential.Get Today’s Free Resource:📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

How do you actually break free from emotional and spiritual abuse in your Christian home?Most Christian women stay stuck because nobody tells them the truth: breaking free requires three specific stages. In this episode, you'll find out why you keep falling for the "honeymoon phase" trap, what you need to do first before anything else, and why writing everything down literally saves your sanity. This isn't feel-good advice. This is the actual path thousands of women have walked to get out and stay out.Key Takeaways:Stage One is safety. Learn what that looks like.The abuse cycle speeds up over time: Tension builds, he explodes, then comes the honeymoon where he's suddenly the man you married. Research shows this cycle gets faster and more violent the longer you stay.Write everything down: Keep a detailed abuse log with dates, quotes, and screenshots. This counters his gaslighting and becomes essential evidence down the road.You're in the cycle too: When you feel hopeful after his apology, you're caught in the honeymoon trap. Recognizing why you go back to the “hope drug” will be key to your ultimate freedom. Real freedom is peace without dread: It's waking up without calculating how he'll react to your existence. It's making choices without permission. It's living as yourself instead of his idea of who you should be🎙️ Watch the rest of this Emotional Abuse 101 series (as it comes out) HERE. Get Today’s Free Resource:🎁 I want to give you a free gift. It’s the audio version of my book, All the Scary Little Gods. It’s my own story of getting out after over two decades. You can listen to it FREE by going to scarylittlegods.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

What is the weapon Christian abusers most commonly use?In this sixth installment of the Emotional Abuse 101 series, Natalie Hoffman talks about a subtle weapon many Christian men wield in emotionally abusive relationships: criticism. But not the obvious, name-calling type. This is the more insidious, underhanded kind that’s drenched in misogyny and spiritual distortion.If you've ever wondered why your husband criticizes you, even while appearing like a “good Christian man,” this episode will show you the truth behind the curtain. And it will help you take your power back.🔑 Key Takeaways:Criticism is not always loud: Subtle criticism such as eye rolls, dismissive sighs, mansplaining, and “just joking” jabs can be more damaging than overt name-calling.This weapon is cultural and spiritual: Christian men are often raised to believe that anything “feminine” is weak, emotional, and inferior. This deep-rooted belief forms the foundation of their contempt.The misogyny is systemic: From Sunday school to locker rooms, boys are programmed to equate masculinity with power and femininity with weakness.The wife becomes the target: Once married, that learned disdain manifests as chronic correction, condescension, and disregard.You are not responsible for fixing him: Understanding the root of his behavior doesn’t mean justifying it. You have a right to healing, boundaries, and truth.📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.comI will also send you my weekly Freedom Notes Newsletter for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.📌 Relevant Links and Resources:🎙️ Watch the rest of this Emotional Abuse 101 series (as it comes out) HERE. 💡 Join the Flying Free Kaleidoscope community — Get the education and support you need to reclaim your identity and heal.

What happens when you're the only one trying in your marriage? When your partner seems indifferent, and you're the one praying, planning, reading, learning, bending, sacrificing only to be met with silence or worse, resistance?In this episode, Natalie peels back the layers of emotional and spiritual exhaustion that come from being the only emotionally invested person in a relationship. With grace, clarity, and a no-nonsense look at reality, she answers a powerful listener question: “If I’m the only one caring, what’s the point of staying?”🔑 Key Takeaways:One-sided effort isn’t love. If only one person is carrying the weight of emotional and relational labor, it’s not a partnership, it's a survival pattern.Control often disguises itself as passivity. Abusers don’t need to yell or hit to maintain power; many use silence, neglect, and apathy to keep you chasing connection.Spiritual bypassing keeps women trapped. Many Christian women are taught that leaving a cold or neglectful husband is rebellion against God. But that’s not what the Bible says, and it’s not what Jesus models.You can stop asking for crumbs. It’s okay to stop showing up for someone who consistently chooses not to show up for you.God isn’t asking you to abandon yourself. He's not honored by marriages that demand your silence, your sanity, or your soul. He's inviting you to freedom, not bondage.🎙️ Watch the rest of this Emotional Abuse 101 series (as it comes out) HERE. Get a free chapter of Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse by going to isitmebook.comEpisode quotes:“If you’re the only one working on the relationship, you’re not in a relationship. You’re in a slow death sentence, and it’s okay to want to live.”“Control isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s a stone wall you beat your heart against, hoping it’ll soften.”“You don’t need your partner to validate your pain for it to be real. It already is.”“God doesn’t ask you to sacrifice your soul to prove your commitment.”

In this end-of-the-year BONUS episode, I want to share one of my recent PRIVATE podcast episodes exclusively for members of the Flying Free Kaleidoscope only. I also made an 8-minute video tour of the Flying Free Kaleidoscope on my phone. It will show you what the INSIDE of the Kaleidoscope looks like here at the end of 2025 and going into 2026. You can watch that on YouTube HERE. The price is going up on January 1, 2026, and I'd love to see you get in on the lower price if you can. Prices never go up for current members, so lock yourself in on the price we've had for five years while you've got the chance because it will never be this low again. (Currently $29/month or $290 for an entire year - but going up to $39/mo or $390/year starting January 1.)Learn more and complete your application HERE.

Welcome to part one of a brand-new series I’m calling “Emotional Abuse 101: Everything You Need to Know,” because, let’s face it, the church didn’t exactly hand out “How to Spot a Narcissist in Your Youth Group” pamphlets in Sunday school.In this episode, I’m diving into the 10 most subtle signs of emotional abuse, the kind of signs that don’t leave bruises on your body but do leave bruises on your soul. These are the red flags that fly under the radar, the ones that make you ask “Am I too sensitive?” or “Maybe I am the problem?”Here are some things we’ll cover in this episode:The Silent Treatment Special — Why emotional withholding isn't just immature behavior, and the real reason he's using it against youMr. Jekyll and Pastor Hyde — What happens when everyone else thinks he's amazing, but you're living with someone completely different at homeStrategic Emotional Sabotage — The shocking pattern behind why your birthdays, holidays, and girls' nights keep getting ruined Weaponized Vulnerability — How opening your heart becomes ammunition in his hands, and why you're not crazy for feeling betrayedDream Crusher Lite™ — The subtle way he makes pursuing your goals absolutely miserable without ever saying "no" outrightPlausible Deniability — Why you're always "too sensitive" or "making assumptions," and how this phrase is actually a manipulation tacticRead the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereTake a FREE emotional abuse quiz by going to emotionalabusequiz.com. Find out if what you're experiencing is normal Christian marriage stuff...or abuse. 🎙️ Watch the rest of this Emotional Abuse 101 series (as it comes out) HERE. Related Resources:Was this episode helpful? You may find these two Flying Free episodes equally worthwhile: “Does an Abuser Know They Are Abusive?” and “Nine Tricks Emotional Abuser Use to Pull Us Back Into the Cycle (and six clever ways to respond!)”