PastMaster: Reshaping History

As The United States of America celebrates 250 years, we've sent our operative undercover to meet the Founding Fathers and make a few key changes... Philadelphia, October 1774. The First Continental Congress is wrapping up its final sessions inside the Pennsylvania State House, and 56 of the most influential men in the colonies are filing out into the street — tricorn hats, righteous indignation, and a very tall Virginian named Washington who already looks like he's won something. Into this steps Abraham Starsen-stripes, a man who has arrived from the future with a musket, three pounds in his pocket, and an extremely ambitious CV. Liam Heffernan — podcast producer, self-described America obsessive, and the man behind "America: The Story of the USA" — has come on PastMaster to do one thing: become the first US president. His plan is to win over the founding fathers before Washington can consolidate power, using diplomacy, an eye-catching party trick, and a flexible definition of what counts as presidential gravitas. The Game Master notes that the path to the presidency typically runs through reputation and alliances, and probably not juggling. Liam disagrees. The First Continental Congress met in Philadelphia from September to October 1774, as tensions between the thirteen colonies and the British Crown approached breaking point. The Intolerable Acts, Parliament's punitive response to the Boston Tea Party, had united delegates from across the colonies in a way nothing else had managed. What they produced was a petition and a plan; what they didn't produce was a president. That role wouldn't exist for another fifteen years, which means there's technically still a vacancy, and technically still time to apply. If you were sent back in time, could you survive and thrive — or would you be burnt at the stake for being a witch? PastMaster is the show that turns history into an interactive adventure game. Each episode, a comedian is dropped into the past with nothing but modern knowledge and terrible ideas. The AI Game Master is strict. The chaos is inevitable. The past will be mastered. Era: Modern | 1774 CE | Philadelphia, United States Featuring: Liam Heffernan — podcast producer (host of America: The Story of the USA, Big Cheese at Mercury Podcasts) EPISODE LINKS Follow Liam's adventure on the PastMaster Interactive Map 👉 https://map.pastmasterpod.com Liam Heffernan: America: The Story of the USA podcast 👉 https://mercurypodcasts.com GET IN TOUCH Sign up to our newsletter 👉 www.pastmasterpod.com Instagram 👉 @pastmasterpod TikTok 👉 @pastmasterpod X 👉 @pastmasterAI Email us 👉 pastmasterpod@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Northumbria, 687 CE. The nuns have survived Ryan's naked Jesus act and Nick's witchcraft-and-Christina-Aguilera gambit. Now it's Tan's turn. His character name is Wee Willy Winky, the Beast Master. That's the energy we're working with. The Death Wish Speed Run finale: Ryan tried blasphemy, Nick tried seduction, and Tan's approach is to demand that Claude let him summon a bear called Rufus. Claude's response ("You don't have a bear") does not deter him. His relationship with the turnip cart, the nuns, and the basic laws of nature that PastMaster tries to uphold is adversarial from the first second. After three episodes of trying to provoke medieval nuns into violence, someone has to be crowned the pound-for-pound Death Wish Champion. St. Hilda's Abbey in Northumbria was a centre of learning that produced five bishops and hosted the Synod of Whitby, one of the most important ecclesiastical debates in English history. None of those bishops had to deal with anything like this. Tan's ultimate fate is historically accurate for how Anglo-Saxon religious communities dealt with people they really didn't like, and the way it happens is both deeply sad and deeply funny. Stay tuned to the end for a rich, untapped vein of historical exploration that suggests the Nuns of Death series might not be finished yet. Part 3 of 3. If you were sent back in time, could you survive and thrive — or would you be burnt at the stake for being a witch? PastMaster is the show that turns history into an interactive adventure game. Each episode, a comedian is dropped into the past with nothing but modern knowledge and terrible ideas. The AI Game Master is strict. The chaos is inevitable. The past will be mastered. Era: Medieval | 687 CE | Whitby, England Part 3 of 3 EPISODE LINKS Follow Tan's adventure on the PastMaster Interactive Map 👉 https://map.pastmasterpod.com GET IN TOUCH Sign up to our newsletter 👉 www.pastmasterpod.com Instagram 👉 @pastmasterpod TikTok 👉 @pastmasterpod X 👉 @pastmasterAI Email us 👉 pastmasterpod@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Northumbria, 687 CE. A 7th-century Anglo-Saxon nunnery. Prayer, scholarship, deep Christian patience. The last place in history you'd expect someone to get murdered quickly. Which is exactly why we chose it. Death Wish Speed Run is back, the game where you try to die as quickly and stylishly as possible in the past, and after the Australian penal colony the difficulty needed raising, so the setting is deliberately peaceful. Ryan goes first with a plan to strip naked and claim to be Jesus. His problem: Sister Edberg, built like an ox and carrying a wooden staff, who has absolutely no interest in a theological debate. Claude refuses to grant quick theatrical deaths, instead enforcing grim 7th-century religious justice. Ryan's backup plan involves hymns, fermented turnips, and running up walls like a motorbike. Scoring categories this time: speed, artistic impression, and gritty realism. Whitby Abbey, founded around 657 AD by Abbess Hild, was one of Northumbria's most important double monasteries and hosted the Synod of Whitby in 664 CE. It was a centre of learning and devotion. These women wrestled livestock, hauled water, and worked the fields. They were not the meek nuns Ryan was expecting, and Claude's commitment to historical accuracy means they are far more interested in locking him up than putting him out of his misery. Part 1 of 3. If you were sent back in time, could you survive and thrive — or would you be burnt at the stake for being a witch? PastMaster is the show that turns history into an interactive adventure game. Each episode, a comedian is dropped into the past with nothing but modern knowledge and terrible ideas. The AI Game Master is strict. The chaos is inevitable. The past will be mastered. Era: Medieval | 687 CE | Whitby, England Part 1 of 3 EPISODE LINKS Follow Ryan's adventure on the PastMaster Interactive Map 👉 https://map.pastmasterpod.com GET IN TOUCH Sign up to our newsletter 👉 www.pastmasterpod.com Instagram 👉 @pastmasterpod TikTok 👉 @pastmasterpod X 👉 @pastmasterAI Email us 👉 pastmasterpod@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Colosseum, 80 CE. Fifty thousand Romans screaming for blood, Emperor Titus presiding from his box, and two time travellers with ten minutes to get rich, get notorious, and not die. Recorded live at the Bedford in Balham for the Cheerful Earful comedy podcast festival, this is PastMaster with a room full of people shouting suggestions. Nick Horseman and Tan go head to head in ancient Rome, with Tan betting on gladiators from the stands while Nick spawns backstage and immediately makes a decision about a tiger that the tiger does not appreciate. Meanwhile the audience gets their own game: ancient Persia, 550 BCE, playing as "Persia McPersia" armed with nothing but hair gel and a diplomatic strategy best summarised by the Game Master: "That's not how physics works. That's not how combat works. That's not how spears work." Claude, told to "be mean and be concise" for the live format, delivers ten-minute speed runs that give nobody time to think. From the gladiatorial arena of Rome to the Achaemenid Empire, this episode covers more ground than most PastMaster adventures and resolves approximately none of it well. Whether hair gel, a Swiss Army knife, or a man literally named after the country he's visiting can survive ten minutes of compressed ancient history is a question best answered at volume. If you were sent back in time, could you survive and thrive — or would you be burnt at the stake for being a witch? PastMaster is the show that turns history into an interactive adventure game. Each episode, a comedian is dropped into the past with nothing but modern knowledge and terrible ideas. The AI Game Master is strict. The chaos is inevitable. The past will be mastered. Era: Ancient | 80 CE / 550 BCE | Rome, Italy / Persepolis, Iran Featuring: Nick Horseman — comedian (The Rhyme Scheme, Edinburgh Fringe Comedy Awards nom) EPISODE LINKS Follow the adventure on the PastMaster Interactive Map 👉 https://map.pastmasterpod.com Nick Horseman: X @rociouspun | opencomedy.com/nickhorseman GET IN TOUCH Sign up to our newsletter 👉 www.pastmasterpod.com Instagram 👉 @pastmasterpod TikTok 👉 @pastmasterpod X 👉 @pastmasterAI Email us 👉 pastmasterpod@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Great Exhibition, Hyde Park, 1851. Six million visitors. The Crystal Palace. The pinnacle of Victorian innovation. And Chris Reading has just rolled up in a quack-mobile to sell miracle tea bags to the most sceptical audience in the British Empire. Chris's mission: acquire serious power in Victorian London under the tutelage of Game Master Gregor MacGregor, history's most audacious conman. His product line includes "Longevity Tea" (guaranteed to extend your life by at least 5%), shiny thermos flasks, plush toy lions, and a slogan that means something very different to the ladies than it does to the colonel. Chris knows exactly what he's doing. The Victorians are less convinced, and the Game Master's patience for his schemes has a shorter shelf life than the tea. The Great Exhibition of 1851 drew the world to Joseph Paxton's iron-and-glass Crystal Palace, showcasing genuine marvels from steam engines to the Koh-i-Noor diamond. Gregor MacGregor was a real Scottish conman who invented an entire country called Poyais and sold land rights to it. Chris is channelling that exact energy at the grandest showcase of innovation the world has ever seen, armed with a winking-face logo, a dubious medical degree, and the kind of confidence that historically ends with a walking stick to the knuckles. If you were sent back in time, could you survive and thrive — or would you be burnt at the stake for being a witch? PastMaster is the show that turns history into an interactive adventure game. Each episode, a comedian is dropped into the past with nothing but modern knowledge and terrible ideas. The AI Game Master is strict. The chaos is inevitable. The past will be mastered. Era: Industrial | 1851 CE | London, United Kingdom Featuring: Chris Reading — comedian (ALIEN: CONTAINMENT, Time Travel Is Dangerous) Contains: Bad language, historical anachronisms and con artistry. But no drugs, disappointingly. EPISODE LINKS Follow Chris's adventure on the PastMaster Interactive Map 👉 https://map.pastmasterpod.com Chris Reading: IG @chrisjreading | X @ChrisReading | chrisreading.com GET IN TOUCH Sign up to our newsletter 👉 www.pastmasterpod.com Instagram 👉 @pastmasterpod TikTok 👉 @pastmasterpod X 👉 @pastmasterAI Email us 👉 pastmasterpod@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Battle of Hastings, 1066. The day that ended Anglo-Saxon England, crowned William the Conqueror, and changed the English language forever. Now Keon's been sent back to stop it — armed with a red leather jacket, a single sparkling glove, and an unstoppable urge to moonwalk. As the mysterious "Agent M," Keon has one shot to save King Harold from the Norman invasion and — more importantly — get himself embroidered onto the Bayeux Tapestry. His strategy? Hand Harold a red leather jacket because it's "a very sturdy leather zipper" that'll definitely stop arrows. Convince an 11th-century army that pop choreography is a legitimate battle tactic. And somehow explain what a zipper is to a man who's never seen a button. DeepSeek AI plays Game Master this week, and it is in absolutely no mood to let any of this slide. What follows is a glorious collision of medieval warfare and modern pop culture — terrible French accents, creative reinterpretations of Norman battle strategy, and a one-man campaign to introduce hip-hop to Anglo-Saxon England while there's still an Anglo-Saxon England to introduce it to. History says Harold took an arrow to the eye at Senlac Hill and the Normans swept in to give us the Domesday Book, feudalism, and about 10,000 French words. But what if one moonwalking time traveller could change all of that? And what if the answer is: absolutely not, but it's hilarious to watch him try? If you were sent back in time, could you survive and thrive — or would you be burnt at the stake for being a witch? PastMaster is the show that turns history into an interactive adventure game. Each episode, a comedian is dropped into the past with nothing but modern knowledge and terrible ideas. The AI is the Game Master. The chaos is inevitable. The accents are unforgivable. Era: Warfare | 1066 CE | Battle, England Contains: Mild language, historical anachronisms, and some surprisingly smooth medieval moves. EPISODE LINKS Follow Keon's adventure on the PastMaster Interactive Map 👉 https://map.pastmasterpod.com The Bayeux Tapestry (the real one) 👉 https://www.bayeuxmuseum.com/en/the-bayeux-tapestry/ GET IN TOUCH Sign up to our newsletter 👉 www.pastmasterpod.com Instagram 👉 @pastmasterpod TikTok 👉 @pastmasterpod X 👉 @pastmasterAI Email us 👉 pastmasterpod@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What started as a missing persons case in 1920s Arkham has gone catastrophically sideways. Ezra Whitmarsh is alive but changed. Forbidden books are burning. Alien technology is doing things to mortal flesh that mortal flesh was not designed for. And T.G. Fells has one obsession that overrides cosmic horror, sanity loss, and the basic instinct for self-preservation: he needs to know who killed Christopher Marlowe. Dan Wheeler and Joseph Chance return as Gert and T.G. Fells to conclude their investigation, and "conclude" is doing a lot of heavy lifting. The Arkham mystery has spiralled into something involving Yithian technology, temporal displacement, and a nervous businessman who turns out to be far more dangerous than he appeared. Where the investigation leads and what Gert does when he arrives there involves iambic pentameter, a tavern that goes very quiet, and a conspiracy that makes the Syndicate look like amateurs. Marlowe's death in 1593 is one of history's genuine unsolved mysteries. Theories range from a pub brawl to government assassination to a faked death by the man some believe was the real Shakespeare. The Yithians, from Lovecraft's "The Shadow Out of Time," are beings who swap minds across millennia. Put those together with two podcast veterans improvising their way through cosmic horror and Elizabethan murder, and the question isn't whether they solve the mystery. It's whether there's enough reality left to solve it in. If you were sent back in time, could you survive and thrive — or would you be burnt at the stake for being a witch? PastMaster is the show that turns history into an interactive adventure game. Each episode, a comedian is dropped into the past with nothing but modern knowledge and terrible ideas. The AI Game Master is strict. The chaos is inevitable. The past will be mastered. Era: Fiction | 1926 CE / 1593 CE | Arkham, United States / Deptford, England Featuring: The Apocalypse Players (Dan Wheeler, Joseph Chance, Al Clayton, Chris Reading) Part 2 of 2 EPISODE LINKS Follow Dan and Joseph's adventure on the PastMaster Interactive Map 👉 https://map.pastmasterpod.com Dan Wheeler: X @danwheeleruk | danwheeler.org Joseph Chance: X @JosephChance2 Al Clayton: IG @turtlecanyoncom | X @turtlecanyoncom | turtlecanyoncomedy.com Chris Reading: IG @chrisjreading | X @ChrisReading | chrisreading.com GET IN TOUCH Sign up to our newsletter 👉 www.pastmasterpod.com Instagram 👉 @pastmasterpod TikTok 👉 @pastmasterpod X 👉 @pastmasterAI Email us 👉 pastmasterpod@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices