Proxy with Yowei Shaw

The case of the tryhard who wants to care less.Yowei has a problem. She overprepares, overthinks, and gets so caught up in worrying about doing a good job that sometimes it makes her worse at her jobJay Caspian Kang is a staff writer for The New Yorker and co-host of Time to Say Goodbye. He manages to do serious, thoughtful work, while giving the impression that he couldn't care less what. anyone thinks. What's his secret? Can you care deeply about your work without being consumed by whether it succeeds?Together in this episode, Yowei and Jay explore rejection, ambition, Buddhism, and the surprising costs and benefits of not giving a fuck. Plus, Jay shares his recipe for low investment. From the episode: Listen to Time to Say Goodbye, Jay's weekly podcast about politics, culture, fishing, surfing and some other stuff. See the photo hanging in Yowei's recording booth and get the low-investment reading list and the photo of Jay in Yowei's recording booth in our free newsletter File Under Feelings. Sign up at proxyhq.org — just click "Join for free." Hear more of Jay's advice on speaking bro in a bonus episode of Bad Hang, available to paid members at proxyhq.org. New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro, about what happens when friends have different ways of talking and connecting. Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawGet in touch — [email protected]

The case of the guy who keeps falling for his female friends.Ryan Jay has a problem. He makes friends with women. They get close. Then he falls for them.It’s happened enough times that Ryan Jay is starting to question whether he actually knows how to be friends with women without wanting to date them.So we bring in a proxy to help Ryan Jay figure out why friendship keeps turning into romance for him — and whether there’s another way to do this.Proxy’s fall membership drive is happening now. If you want to help keep the show independent — and get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and more — become a paid member at proxyhq.org 🍏From the episode:— Andrew Smiler, a licensed therapist and the author of Clinical Work with Men: Understanding Masculinity in Psychotherapy. Find out more about his work at www.andrewsmiler.com.New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Taelor Doesn't Want to Have Sex, about an asexual woman trying to figure out how to find the kind of intimacy she wants, without the part she doesn’t.Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — [email protected]

Before Proxy comes back on September 22, Yowei and Kyle hold a tiny business meeting about the state of the show: more listeners, fewer members, a new membership goal, and what it’ll take to make year three. Also, Comcast has thoughts.

An Emotions Beat investigation about what silence sounds like when your rights are under attack. After Trump’s reelection, Sandy Ernest Allen watched attacks on trans rights escalate — and waited for more cis people to say something. Check in. Show up. Make noise. But mostly, he heard silence.Then Sandy did something counterintuitive. Instead of asking why people didn’t care, he asked cis people what made them start caring about trans rights. Hundereds of people answered.In this episode, Yowei and Sandy investigate what’s hiding inside the silence: overwhelm, shame, fear of saying the wrong thing or looking performative, and the dangerous assumption that someone else will handle it. And Sandy makes the case for allyship that is loud, imperfect, and badly needed.From the episode: — Sandy Ernest Allen — writes the newsletter What's Helping Today: www.sandyernestallen.com— "To Cis People Who Feel Despair" — Sandy's guide to supporting trans people— The post on Bluesky: @sandyernestallen— Support Sandy's writing: https://buymeacoffee.com/sandyallen New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Nicole Can’t Stop Being Aggro for another story about what it takes to keep caring when the world is horrifying. For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — [email protected]

The case of the people person who fell out of love with people. Zakiya Gibbons used to love strangers, nightlife, and somehow always ending up on a boat. Then lockdown happened. And somewhere in that solitude, Zakiya discovered something alarming: she loved being alone. And when the world opened back up, the things that used to light her up — parties, small talk, new people — made her anxious instead.Zakiya wants to know: is this just who she is now? Or can she get back to the open, exuberant, people-loving version of herself?In this episode, Yowei finds Zakiya a proxy: personality researcher Bill Chopik, who studies how people change over time. Together, they investigate whether personality is fixed, what it takes to change, and how to know when you’re honoring who you are versus accidentally becoming someone you don’t want to be.From the episode: — Zakiya Gibbons — on Instagram @zak_sauce — more of her work: www.zakiyagibbons.com— Dr. William Chopik — studies relationships and personality — more about his research: www.chopiklab.com, Bluesky @Chops310, X @Chops310New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Caitlin Lost the Voice In Her Head for a story about. losing access to a part of yourself you thought was permanent.For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — [email protected]