The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

When we’re struggling to reach a goal, most of us assume the answer is to buckle down and try harder. But what if all that white-knuckling is actually making things more difficult than they need to be? Dr. Laurie speaks with psychologist Angela Duckworth, best known for her groundbreaking work on grit, about a surprising new approach to achievement. In her new book, Situated: Find the People and Places That Bring Out Your Best, Angela explains why changing what’s around us can sometimes be more effective than trying to change ourselves. Experts Mentioned: Angela Duckworth, Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania  Lee Ross, Professor of Psychology at Stanford University  Richard Nisbett, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Michigan  James Gross, Professor of Psychology at Stanford University  Adrian Ward, Associate Professor of Marketing at University of Texas at Austin Joseph Henrich, Professor of Biological Anthropology and Professor of Human Evolutionary Biology at Harvard University Bob Bowman, Director of Swimming and Diving and Head Men’s Coach at University of Texas at Austin Martin Seligman, Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania Anders Ericsson, Professor of Psychology at Florida State University Walter Mischel, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at Columbia University Reinhold Niebuhr, Protestant theologian Viktor Frankl, Austrian psychiatrist and neurologist Resources Mentioned: Situated: Find the People and Places That Bring Out Your Best, by Angela Duckworth (2026) Grit: The Power and Passion of Perseverance, by Angela Duckworth (2016) The Person and the Situation: Perspectives on Social Psychology, by Lee Ross and Richard Nisbett (1991) Frog and Toad Together, by Arnold Lobel (1972) Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl (1946) “The Serenity Prayer,” by Reinhold Niebuhr The Art of War, by Sun Tzu The Golden Rules: 10 Steps to World-Class Excellence in Your Life and Work, by Bob Bowman (2016) “A Stitch in Time: Strategic Self-Control in High School and College Students,” by Angela Duckworth, Rachel White, Alyssa Matteucci, Annie Shearer, and James Gross (Journal of Educational Psychology, 2016) “Self-Control and Academic Achievement,” by Angela Duckworth, Jamie Taxer, Lauren Eskreis-Winkler, Brian Galla, and James Gross (Annual Review of Psychology, 2019) “Self-control and SAT outcomes: Evidence from two national field studies,” by Chayce Baldwin, Kyla Haimovitz, Priya Shankar, Robert Gallop, David Yeager, James Gross, and Angela Duckworth (PLoS One, 2022) “Situational Strategies for Self-Control,” by Angela Duckworth, Tamar Szabó Gendler, and James Gross (Perspectives on Psychological Science, 2016) “Brain Drain: The Mere Presence of One's Own Smartphone Reduces Available Cognitive Capacity,” by Adrian Ward, Kristen Duke, Ayelet Gneezy, and Maarten Bos. (Journal of the Association for Consumer Research, 2017) “A 2-Phase Labeling and Choice Architecture Intervention to Improve Healthy Food and Beverage Choices,” by Anne N Thorndike, Lillian Sonnenberg, Jason Riis, Susan Barraclough, and Douglas E Levy (American Journal of Public Health, 2012) “Innovation in the collective brain,” by Michael Muthukrishna and Joseph Henrich (Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B, 2016) Related Episodes: “Your Environment Affects Your Happiness More Than You Think with Dr. Leidy Klotz” “How to Spend Your Time and Money Better (with Nobel Prize Winner Richard Thaler)” “The Man Who Invented Happiness Science: Marty Seligman” “How Our Screen Habits Impact Our Stress Levels” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Most of us hate asking for favors. We worry about being a burden, coming across as needy, or facing rejection for asking too much. But what if our fear of bothering people is stopping us, and the people around us, from becoming happier? Dr. Laurie explores why our instincts about asking for help are usually wrong. She speaks with psychologist Nicholas Epley about why asking others for help can actually make them like us more. And author and entrepreneur Jia Jiang shares how 100 days of asking for outlandish favors totally transformed his life. Experts Mentioned: Nicholas Epley, Professor of Behavioral Science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business Jia Jiang, author, entrepreneur, and expert in “rejection therapy” Resources Mentioned: Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection, by Jia Jiang (2015) “What I Learned from 100 Days of Rejection,” by Jia Jiang (TED, 2016) “100 Days of Rejection Therapy,” by Jia Jiang (YouTube series, 2013) RejectionTherapy.com “Surprisingly Happy to Have Helped: Underestimating Prosociality Creates a Misplaced Barrier to Asking for Help,” by Xuan Zhao and Nicholas Epley (Psychological Science, 2022) “Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability,” by Anna Bruk, Sabine Scholl, and Herbert Bless (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2018) Related Episodes: “Treating the Pain of a Broken Heart” “Forget Small Talk: Go Deep Instead” “The Surprising Case for Oversharing” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What would it take to make you happier? A raise? A promotion? Getting into your dream school? Winning the lottery? It turns out that we’re surprisingly bad at predicting how these events will actually make us feel. When they do make us happier, research shows that the highs won’t last as long as we expect. The good news is that the lows won't last as long as we expect either. We're just as bad at predicting how life's setbacks will affect us. Dr. Laurie speaks with Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert about why our minds exaggerate the emotional impact of life’s biggest events. She also hears from psychotherapist Clay Cockrell about why extreme wealth often comes with misery, and from writer Rafaella Gunz and Army veteran J.R. Martinez about their journeys toward happiness and meaning after experiences they once thought would ruin their lives. Experts Mentioned: Daniel Gilbert, Professor of Psychology at Harvard University Clay Cockrell, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Psychotherapist  Daniel Kahneman, Professor of Psychology, Emeritus, and Professor of Psychology and Public Affairs, Emeritus at Princeton University Angus Deaton, Professor of International Affairs, Emeritus, and Professor of Economics and International Affairs, Emeritus at Princeton University Matthew Killingsworth, Senior Fellow at The Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania Rafaella Gunz, writer and social worker  J.R. Martinez, Army veteran, actor, author, and podcast host Resources Mentioned: “Billie Bob’s (Mis) Fortune,” by Steve McViker (Houston Press, 2000) “The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want,” by Sonja Lyubomirsky (2007) “High income improves evaluation of life but not emotional well-being,” by Daniel Kahneman and Angus Deaton (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 2010) “Experienced well-being rises with income, even above $75,000 per year,” by Matthew Killingsworth (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 2023) “Income and emotional well-being: a conflict resolved,” by Matthew Killingsworth, Daniel Kahneman, and Barbara Mellers (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 2023) Stumbling on Happiness, by Daniel Gilbert (2006) “Immune neglect: a source of durability bias in affective forecasting,” by Daniel Gilbert, Elizabeth Pinel, Timothy Wilson, Stephen Blumberg, and Thalia Wheatley (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1998) “Affective forecasting: Why can't people predict their emotions?,” by Peter Ayton, Alice Pott, and Najat Elwakili (Thinking & Reasoning, 2007) “Anticipated versus actual reaction to HIV test results,” by Elaine Sieff, Robyn Dawes, and George Lowenstein (The American Journal of Psychology, 1999) Well-Being: Foundations of Hedonic Psychology, by Daniel Kahneman, Edward Diener, and Norbert Schwartz (1999) “Getting Herpes Was a Gift,” by Rafaella Gunz (Ravishly, 2016) “The impact bias is alive and well,” by Timothy Wilson and Daniel Gilbert (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2013) Full of Heart: My Story of Survival, Strength, and Spirit, by J.R. Martinez with Alexandra Rockey Fleming (2012) Related Episodes: “Why We Sabotage Our Future Selves”  “Why the ‘Good Enough’ Relationship Beats the ‘Perfect Partner’” “Working Your Way to Happiness”  “Why Nostalgia Ain’t So Rosy” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.