What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms

This episode includes discussion of rape and sexual assault. As parents, we have been horrified by the reports of sexual violence on Cornell’s campus in 2024, and dismayed that so little seems to have changed since we were in college ourselves. How do we teach our children to protect themselves from sexual violence on campus? And how mad do we get to be at the institutions that still aren’t protecting them? On this episode we interview violence prevention expert Meg Stone, executive director of IMPACT Boston and author of The Cost of Fear: Why Most Safety Advice is Sexist, and How We Can Stop Gender-Based Violence and Don’t Fight Back and 10 Other Myths About Crime, Personal Safety, and Gender-Based Violence. This conversation explores why sexual violence is usually committed by someone the victim knows, why common safety advice can be both ineffective and victim-blaming, and what research says about empowerment-based prevention. Meg also discusses practical skills, boundary setting, bystander responsibility, and the role parents and institutions can play—without placing responsibility for violence on those targeted. We discuss: Why the “stranger jumping out of the bushes” is a misleading picture of sexual violence Why one-time online campus trainings often fail to change behavior How victim-blaming has shaped conversations about sexual violence What empowerment-based self-defense programs teach—and why practice matters How stress can make it harder to respond in the moment Why refusal skills and boundary setting can be protective How friends, bystanders, and institutions can interrupt abuse Where families can look for empowerment self-defense and comprehensive sex education The conversation emphasizes practicing refusal and interruption under stress, bystander responsibility, and finding trainings via the Empowerment Self-Defense Alliance and the National Women’s Martial Arts Federation. Here’s where you can find Meg Stone’s work and the resources mentioned: Impact Boston: impactboston.org Meg Stone: megstone.org Empowerment Self-Defense Alliance: https://www.empowermentsd.org/ National Women’s Martial Arts Federation: https://nwmaf.org/ The Cost of Fear by Meg Stone Don’t Fight Back and 10 Other Myths About Crime, Personal Safety, and Gender-Based Violence by Meg Stone Sexual Citizens by Jennifer S. Hirsch and Shamus Khan If you or someone you love has been impacted, help is available. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE or by texting "START" to 88788. RAINN's National Sexual Assault Hotline can be reached at 1-800-656-HOPE. ____________ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we handle conflict with those closest to us without damaging the relationship or going in circles? We discuss why some people avoid conflict while others escalate quickly, how our family of origin shapes the way we handle disagreements, and common triggers for starting conflicts. We discuss: What happens in the brain during conflict Practical conflict-resolution strategies, including the EAR method and the BIFF method Why sometimes the conflict is over before you’re done being angry and how to handle that Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Aaron Steen and Kanade Shinkai for the International Journal of Women's Dermatology: Understanding individual and gender differences in conflict resolution: A critical leadership skill Peter Reuell for the Harvard Gazette: Resolving conflict: Men vs. women Danya Rumore for the University of Utah Environmental Dispute Resolution Program blog: The power of calm when dealing with conflict Bill Eddy for the High Conflict Institute: How to Avoid Getting Hooked by High Conflict Behavior Bill Eddy for the High Conflict Institute: Calming Upset People Fast with EAR Bill Eddy for the High Conflict Institute: How To Write A BIFF Response® Emily Pinto for Katie Couric Media: How To Handle Conflict Without Damaging Your Relationships What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if kids didn't need chore charts and constant supervision in order to participate in the lives of their households? What if the "mental load" was seen as a family-wide issue, where everyone could contribute to the solution? Sam Kelly, creator of the "Notice and Do" method and author of the new book NOTICE AND DO: Raise Capable Kids, End Motherhood Burnout, and Lighten Your Mental Load, is here to tell us there's another way. Amy and Sam discuss: The "delegator trap"—why constantly assigning tasks keeps moms responsible for the "noticing" Using a "learning ladder" to teach kids of all ages how to take over household tasks, step by step Handling the pushback you might receive as you roll out the "notice and do" method How kids who "notice and do" have agency and take initiative beyond the walls of your home Here's where you can find Sam: https://hellosamkelly.com @samkelly_world on IG Buy NOTICE AND DO: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063460911 What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series revisits some of our previous episodes about dynamics with our parenting partners. We asked the listeners in ⁠our Facebook group⁠ about all the times they caught their spouses being awesome, and here are just a few: supporting their partners through difficult career choices. Reading up on issues that affect their kids. Learning how to do their kids' hair. Awesome parenting partners, all! Here are links to the resources mentioned in the episode: ⁠"Flying the Coop" episode from Reply All podcast⁠ (Margaret's rec) ⁠Our Fresh Take episode with Matthew Fray on Strengthening Our Relationships⁠ ⁠The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children⁠, by Ross Greene ⁠Check out our merch!⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why do some kids completely fall apart when it’s time to leave the playground, get ready for school, or switch activities? We dive into why transitions are particularly difficult for some kids and what parents can do to make them easier. Here's what we discuss in this episode: how anxiety, ADHD, autism, and OCD can cause unique issues with transitions reframing a child’s behavior as a "signal" to help parents focus on the underlying problem how parents can validate emotions while still setting clear boundaries practical strategies for helping kids transition, including verbal "previews," visual schedules and timers, and predictable routines Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our Fresh Take with Dr. Siggie Cohen Our Fresh Take with Dr. Stacy Haynes Katherine Martinelli for the Child Mind Institute: Why Do Kids Have Trouble With Transitions? Claire Lerner for Psychology Today: The Trouble With Transitions Kristine Cain for Building Bright Futures blog: Why Some Children Struggle More with Transitions Than Others Lerner Child Development: The Trouble With Transitions: Why They Are So Hard For Some Kids And How To Help Houston Family Therapy Associates: Why Kids Resist Transitions (and How to Help) Lerner Child Development: How "Two-Great Choices" Prevents Power Struggles Dr. Michael Sweeney Visual timer for kids Hourglass timer Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We want our kids to feel validated and heard. We also don't want to engage in five-hour negotiations every time they have to do something they don't want to do. Where's the happy middle? Child development specialist Dr. Siggie Cohen, author of YOU ARE THE PARENT, explains how parents can create a balanced approach. Dr. Cohen explains why well-intentioned parents can end up overexplaining, over-fixing, over-advising, and trying too hard to prevent their children from experiencing difficult emotions. Dr. Cohen and Margaret discuss: The difference between validating emotions and accommodating behavior Why children need to learn both emotional awareness and the ability to function even when they don't feel like doing something How parents can respond when kids are overwhelmed and why stopping inappropriate behavior doesn't mean stopping the emotion behind it Why happiness shouldn't be the ultimate goal for children How to make true, authentic repair after parenting mistakes Here's where you can find Dr. Cohen: https://drsiggie.com @dr.siggie on IG, FB, and YouTube @parenting.with.dr.siggie on TikTok Free resources on her website, including her newsletter signup Buy YOU ARE THE PARENT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063448643 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. What do we do when one of our kid's moods is affecting everyone else in the house? Whether it's anxiety, frustration, rigidity, or plain old temper tantrums, understanding where it's coming from is the first step. But even when we don't allow emotions to be an excuse poor behavior, that misbehavior can happen anyhow—and walking on eggshells is no way to teach the dysregulated person better emotional skills. In this episode, we discuss: the sometimes hidden needs of the other kids in the house why "fair" is not the same thing as "equal" the single most important factor for positive family well-being Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our episode ⁠"When One of Our Kids Is Taking All Our Bandwidth"⁠ Nicole Schwarz for ⁠imperfectfamilies.com⁠: ⁠When The Siblings of a Difficult Child Feel Ignored⁠ Leigh Anderson for Lifehacker: ⁠What to Do If Your Child's Behavior Is Ruining Your Relationship With Your Partner⁠ Pamela Li for Parenting for Bain: ⁠Emotional Regulation in Children | A Complete Guide⁠ Jane Indergaard for ADHD Newsstand: ⁠It's Never About Me: The Hidden Needs of Siblings⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We want our kids to grow and stretch their wings, but that doesn't mean every milestone is easy for parents. We talk about the complicated emotions that come with parenting transitions, from starting school to getting a driver's license to moving into a first apartment. We discuss: Why a child's growing independence can bring sadness, anxiety, nostalgia, and even a loss of identity for parents The "second arrow of suffering," aka beating yourself up for having perfectly normal feelings about your kids' milestones How to talk about your emotions without making your child responsible for them Practical ways to navigate difficult transitions during parenting Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: CDC: Tips for Encouraging Independence Collischon, Matthias, et. al for the Advances in Life Course research Journal: Parental well-being when children move out: A panel study on short- and long-term effects American Psychological Association: Parents and caregivers are essential to children’s healthy development Hartanto, Andree, et. al for the Communications Psychology Journal: Cultural contexts differentially shape parents’ loneliness and wellbeing during the empty nest period We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why do ordinary sounds like chewing, slurping, or pen-tapping trigger intense averse reactions in some people? And what does a parent do when it's her own kid screaming at her for having a case of the sniffles? Clinical psychologist Dr. Thomas W. Phelan, author of STOP THAT CHEWING! joins Amy to explain the neurophysiological underpinnings of misophonia, why it can be so difficult for sufferers and their families, and how to stop this involuntary response from completely disrupting your family life. Dr. Phelan and Amy discuss: Why anxiety, OCD, ARFID, and other neurological manifestations often accompany misophonia Why siblings and parents (especially fathers) are most likely to be triggers The impact of misophonia on relationships, school, work, and social life Practical ways to manage misophonia triggers and work towards sustainable solutions Here's where you can find Dr. Phelan: https://www.123magic.com https://stopthatchewing.com Buy STOP THAT CHEWING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798995697824 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. SHOULD we yell at our kids? No. Do we? Yes. Some of us perhaps a little too often. Kids are hardwired to push our buttons to get attention, and none of us are saints. But while verbal abuse is definitely horrible, hollering “you are about to miss the bus again” is perhaps a little more forgivable—and fixable, as it turns out. And it is definitely better to yell less, not just because you’ll have a more peaceful home, but because the more yelling your household has in it, the more it is likely to have. In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: Why yelling at your kids might not be as universally toxic as some headlines have claimed Why yelling is, in the end, ineffective Why finding workarounds for the sources of tension might be a more effective path to change than berating yourself for (once again) having raised your voice Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: ⁠Our Fresh Take with Carla Naumburg⁠ ⁠Our Fresh Take with Emily Edlynn⁠ Lisa Belkin for NYT: ⁠Can Yelling at Your Kids Be Good?⁠ Sue Shellenbarger for WSJ: ⁠Talking to Your Kids After You Yell⁠ Ming-Te Wang and Sarah Kenny in the Journal of the Society for Research in Child Development: ⁠Longitudinal Links Between Fathers’ and Mothers’ Harsh Verbal Discipline and Adolescents’ Conduct Problems and Depressive Symptoms⁠ Dr. Emily Edlynn for Psychology Today: ⁠The Truth About Parents Who Yell at Kids⁠ Stephen Marche for NYT: ⁠Why You Should Stop Yelling at Your Kids⁠ Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices