What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms

We want our kids to feel validated and heard. We also don't want to engage in five-hour negotiations every time they have to do something they don't want to do. Where's the happy middle? Child development specialist Dr. Siggie Cohen, author of YOU ARE THE PARENT, explains how parents can create a balanced approach. Dr. Cohen explains why well-intentioned parents can end up overexplaining, over-fixing, over-advising, and trying too hard to prevent their children from experiencing difficult emotions. Dr. Cohen and Margaret discuss: The difference between validating emotions and accommodating behavior Why children need to learn both emotional awareness and the ability to function even when they don't feel like doing something How parents can respond when kids are overwhelmed and why stopping inappropriate behavior doesn't mean stopping the emotion behind it Why happiness shouldn't be the ultimate goal for children How to make true, authentic repair after parenting mistakes Here's where you can find Dr. Cohen: https://drsiggie.com @dr.siggie on IG, FB, and YouTube @parenting.with.dr.siggie on TikTok Free resources on her website, including her newsletter signup Buy YOU ARE THE PARENT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063448643 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. What do we do when one of our kid's moods is affecting everyone else in the house? Whether it's anxiety, frustration, rigidity, or plain old temper tantrums, understanding where it's coming from is the first step. But even when we don't allow emotions to be an excuse poor behavior, that misbehavior can happen anyhow—and walking on eggshells is no way to teach the dysregulated person better emotional skills. In this episode, we discuss: the sometimes hidden needs of the other kids in the house why "fair" is not the same thing as "equal" the single most important factor for positive family well-being Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our episode ⁠"When One of Our Kids Is Taking All Our Bandwidth"⁠ Nicole Schwarz for ⁠imperfectfamilies.com⁠: ⁠When The Siblings of a Difficult Child Feel Ignored⁠ Leigh Anderson for Lifehacker: ⁠What to Do If Your Child's Behavior Is Ruining Your Relationship With Your Partner⁠ Pamela Li for Parenting for Bain: ⁠Emotional Regulation in Children | A Complete Guide⁠ Jane Indergaard for ADHD Newsstand: ⁠It's Never About Me: The Hidden Needs of Siblings⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We want our kids to grow and stretch their wings, but that doesn't mean every milestone is easy for parents. We talk about the complicated emotions that come with parenting transitions, from starting school to getting a driver's license to moving into a first apartment. We discuss: Why a child's growing independence can bring sadness, anxiety, nostalgia, and even a loss of identity for parents The "second arrow of suffering," aka beating yourself up for having perfectly normal feelings about your kids' milestones How to talk about your emotions without making your child responsible for them Practical ways to navigate difficult transitions during parenting Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: CDC: Tips for Encouraging Independence Collischon, Matthias, et. al for the Advances in Life Course research Journal: Parental well-being when children move out: A panel study on short- and long-term effects American Psychological Association: Parents and caregivers are essential to children’s healthy development Hartanto, Andree, et. al for the Communications Psychology Journal: Cultural contexts differentially shape parents’ loneliness and wellbeing during the empty nest period We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why do ordinary sounds like chewing, slurping, or pen-tapping trigger intense averse reactions in some people? And what does a parent do when it's her own kid screaming at her for having a case of the sniffles? Clinical psychologist Dr. Thomas W. Phelan, author of STOP THAT CHEWING! joins Amy to explain the neurophysiological underpinnings of misophonia, why it can be so difficult for sufferers and their families, and how to stop this involuntary response from completely disrupting your family life. Dr. Phelan and Amy discuss: Why anxiety, OCD, ARFID, and other neurological manifestations often accompany misophonia Why siblings and parents (especially fathers) are most likely to be triggers The impact of misophonia on relationships, school, work, and social life Practical ways to manage misophonia triggers and work towards sustainable solutions Here's where you can find Dr. Phelan: https://www.123magic.com https://stopthatchewing.com Buy STOP THAT CHEWING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798995697824 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. SHOULD we yell at our kids? No. Do we? Yes. Some of us perhaps a little too often. Kids are hardwired to push our buttons to get attention, and none of us are saints. But while verbal abuse is definitely horrible, hollering “you are about to miss the bus again” is perhaps a little more forgivable—and fixable, as it turns out. And it is definitely better to yell less, not just because you’ll have a more peaceful home, but because the more yelling your household has in it, the more it is likely to have. In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: Why yelling at your kids might not be as universally toxic as some headlines have claimed Why yelling is, in the end, ineffective Why finding workarounds for the sources of tension might be a more effective path to change than berating yourself for (once again) having raised your voice Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: ⁠Our Fresh Take with Carla Naumburg⁠ ⁠Our Fresh Take with Emily Edlynn⁠ Lisa Belkin for NYT: ⁠Can Yelling at Your Kids Be Good?⁠ Sue Shellenbarger for WSJ: ⁠Talking to Your Kids After You Yell⁠ Ming-Te Wang and Sarah Kenny in the Journal of the Society for Research in Child Development: ⁠Longitudinal Links Between Fathers’ and Mothers’ Harsh Verbal Discipline and Adolescents’ Conduct Problems and Depressive Symptoms⁠ Dr. Emily Edlynn for Psychology Today: ⁠The Truth About Parents Who Yell at Kids⁠ Stephen Marche for NYT: ⁠Why You Should Stop Yelling at Your Kids⁠ Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure. So many of us spend hours chauffeuring our kids back and forth to their myriad activities. Why are kids so overloaded with activities these days, and can we get off of this ride? Here are some parenting strategies for navigating this issue. Amy and Margaret discuss: Why kids are so overscheduled these days How overscheduling really affects kids, beyond the mom guilt-inducing headlines What questions to ask when assessing if our kids are overscheduled Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: ⁠Dr Shimi King: Overscheduling Your Kids Isn’t the Fast-Track to Success it Once Was⁠ Solution Health: ⁠Overbooked Kids: The Overscheduled Crisis⁠ Anna Nordberg for Slate: ⁠The Fine Art of Underscheduling⁠ Jill Barshay for Mind Shift: ⁠Overscheduling Kids’ Lives Causes Depression and Anxiety, Study Finds⁠ Carolina Caetano, et. al for Economics of Education Review: ⁠Are children spending too much time on enrichment activities?⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens when one child’s needs take up most of a family’s attention? Even when parents are doing their best, it can be easy for another child to quietly become the “easy” one—the independent kid, the high achiever, the people-pleaser who never seems to need anything. In this episode, we discuss: What the term glass child means and why some children can become overlooked How hyperindependence can be both a strength and a sign that a child doesn't feel comfortable asking for help Why people-pleasing isn't inherently a bad quality—and when it can become a problem How being the “easy,” responsible, or high-achieving child can lead to perfectionism Why some kids learn to hide anger, sadness, resentment, or other difficult emotions The importance of making space for children to express complicated feelings without judgment How small-T trauma and difficult family dynamics can affect kids even when their experiences don't seem “bad enough” compared with someone else's Why children may act out or seek negative attention when they're feeling overlooked How parents can use short, intentional moments of one-on-one connection to help every child feel seen The idea behind the 7-minute rule: finding small windows of distraction-free connection throughout the day How connection can look different at different ages, from play and cuddling with young children to mentorship and open communication with teens Why you don't need to perfectly balance your attention every single day to make your kids feel loved and supported Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Jenn Lonzer for the Cleveland Clinic: Always Coping, Rarely Seen: Explaining Glass Child Syndrome Dr Becky Kennedy of "Good Inside" blog: What is the 777 Rule in Parenting? Corinne Masur for Psychology Today: Helping Kids Feel They Matter Our episode When One of Our Kids Takes Up All of Our Bandwidth Our Fresh Take with Sara Hirsh Bordo Harlan Cohen on IG What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Kids (and adults) with ADHD don't actually have a deficit of attention. Today, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is more properly understood as a deficit of executive function— and as this week's guest ⁠Michael McLeod⁠, founder of GrowNOW ADHD and author of ⁠THE EXECUTIVE FUNCTION PLAYBOOK⁠, explains, executive function means a whole lot more than a messy backpack. To help kids with ADHD succeed, Michael argues, parents need to help children strengthen the internal skills that lead to lifelong independence. In this interview, drawing from his decades of experience working with families whose kids are growing up with ADHD, Michael explains his four-pillar framework for developing executive functioning skills: self-awareness, self-regulation, self-motivation, and self-evaluation. In this episode, you'll learn: How self-awareness and "time blindness" can affect daily life when you have ADHD Why novel experiences are crucial opportunities for kids with ADHD How exposure to screens intensifies ADHD symptoms Why negative attention feels great to the ADHD brain How to support ADHD kids without lowering expectations for their capability Here's where you can find Michael: www. grownowadhd.com @grownowADHD on IG, FB, and YouTube Buy THE EXECUTIVE FUNCTION PLAYBOOK: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781394309153 Buy the accompanying workbook: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781394364589 What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices