Therapist Uncensored Podcast

What can DBT teach us about turning invalidation into joy? Dr. Kiki Fehling and Dr. Ann Kelley explore how chronic invalidation can shape emotional regulation, identity, and self-worth, particularly for queer and trans individuals. Through the lens of DBT and minority stress, Kiki shares how understanding these experiences can help challenge internalized shame, build resilience, and move beyond simply healing – and make space for authenticity, connection, and queer joy. “Internalized shame can be healed through community.” – Dr. Kiki Fehling Time Stamps for DBT, Chronic Invalidation & Finding Queer Joy with Dr. Kiki Fehling (309) 00:27 Understanding chronic invalidation in parenting and garegiving 02:05 How invalidations lead to emotional dysregulation 04:37 Adult consequences of childhood invalidations 07:00 Invalidation beyond parenting: Queer identity and society 07:59 Minority stress and queer invalidations 14:51 Using DBT to cultivate joy and self-acceptance 23:06 Practical tools: Books and resources for self-directed DBT About our Guest – Dr. Kiki Fehling Dr. Kiki Fehling (they/she) is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and DBT-Linehan-Board-certified expert in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Passionate about making evidence-based mental health information more accessible, Kiki focuses on advocacy and public education around suicide prevention, LGBTQIA+ mental health, borderline personality disorder, and the intersection between mental health and heart health. She is the author of The LGBTQ+ Mental Health Workbook, Self-Directed DBT Skills, and DBT Cards for Coping Skills. Kiki also writes the Substack newsletter How To Queer Joy, volunteers for nonprofits Now Matters Now and WomenHeart, and shares DBT skills and mental health resources across social media @dbtkiki.   Resources for DBT, Chronic Invalidation & Finding Queer Joy with Dr. Kiki Fehling (309) The LGBTQ+ Mental Health Workbook – Find Emotional Resilience, Self-Love, and Queer Joy with Dialectical Behavior Therapy Self-Directed DBT Skills – 3-Month DBT Workbook Dr. Kiki Fehling’s website – Additional resources and information @DBTKiKi – Official Instagram page @DBTKIKI – Official Tiktok page DBTKIKI – Official Youtube channel How To Queer Joy – Official Substack Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all! SimplePractice is an all-in-one EHR that is HIPPA compliant, HITRUST certified and built specifically for therapists. If you are ready to simplify the business side of your practice, now is a great time to try SimplePractice. Start with a 7-day free trial, then get 50% off your first three months. Just go to SimplePractice.com to claim the offer. Beyond Attachment Styles – Deepening Security in Yourself and Fostering More Secure Relationships Course available NOW! Everyone’s heard of attachment styles – but you likely don’t know how much the popular press gets wrong and what the science actually says about how to improve your relationships long term (including how we relate to ourselves). This course is for anyone wanting to more deeply understand attachment (styles vs patterns), unconscious defense activation patterns, implicit scripts… and most importantly, what to do once you do get activated! Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout. As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Or read Marriott & Kelley’s critically-acclaimed book, Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World (HarperCollins,2023) for the most in-depth experience of learning about Secure Relating. Therapists love it, but it’s accessible to everyone. If you aren’t interested in the background science, just start at Part 2 and we will be talking directly to you – it’s fun!   You are invited! OK for those of you who refer others to the pod, use it professionally or consider yourself nerdy and just love this stuff, hello, you are our people! Join our exclusive community to get exclusive bonus content, early access to training opportunities, and an ad-free, private podcast feed. It’s this warm community that allows us to donate half of all corportate profits to mental health access for marginalized peoples. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!!

Borderline and narcissism are often misunderstood—this episode separates myth from science. Robert Drozek explores the science behind borderline and narcissistic personality disorders, separating common myths from current research. Together, he and Sue discuss attachment, trauma, genetics, parenting, evidence-based treatments, and why understanding these often misunderstood conditions can bring greater compassion, hope, and healthier relationships. “Borderline is driven by a need to reconnect.” – Robert P. Drozek, LICSW Time Stamps for Challenging Personalities: Understanding Borderline & Narcissism with Robert Drozek (307) 04:14 Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder 09:25 Exploring narcissism: Definitions and types 13:29 Vulnerable vs. grandiose narcissism 18:56 The Role of Trauma in Personality Disorders 22:25 Parenting styles and their impact on narcissism 27:14 Identifying narcissism in relationships 33:34 Treatment approaches for Borderline Personality Disorder 36:45 Challenges in treating Narcissistic Personality Disorder 45:26 Navigating relationships with narcissistic individuals About our Guest – Robert P. Drozek, LICSW Robert P. Drozek, LICSW is the clinical director of the Mentalization-Based Treatment Clinic at McLean Hospital in Belmont, Massachusetts. He is a teaching associate in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, specializing in the treatment of borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder. He is author of the new book, Mentalization: Utilizing reflection to heal from borderline personality disorder—the first book for the general public about mentalization-based treatment.   Resources for Challenging Personalities: Understanding Borderline & Narcissism with Robert Drozek (307) Download page – Free worksheets and handouts from the book Mentalization Coach App – The first mobile app for mentalization and MBT, adapted from my new book Mentalization-based Treatment for Pathological Narcissism – Handbook Mentalization-based Treatment for Personality Disorders– A practical guide Cambridge Guide to Mentalization-based Treatment Anna Freud Centre – The worldwide training hub for mentalization-based treatment (MBT) NPD Basic – A free guide to narcissistic personality disorder MBT Boston – An organization that Robert co-founded that offers training and supervision to clinicians across the world in MBT MBT USA – A consortium of MBT providers and organizations in the United Robert’s faculty page at McLean Hospital Instagram: @RobertDrozek Mentalization book – Facebook page Get your copy of Mentalization: Utilizing Reflection to Heal from Borderline Personality Disorder here! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all! SimplePractice is an all-in-one EHR that is HIPPA compliant, HITRUST certified and built specifically for therapists. If you are ready to simplify the business side of your practice, now is a great time to try SimplePractice. Start with a 7-day free trial, then get 50% off your first three months. Just go to SimplePractice.com to claim the offer. Beyond Attachment Styles – Deepening Security in Yourself and Fostering More Secure Relationships Course available NOW! Everyone’s heard of attachment styles – but you likely don’t know how much the popular press gets wrong and what the science actually says about how to improve your relationships long term (including how we relate to ourselves). This course is for anyone wanting to more deeply understand attachment (styles vs patterns), unconscious defense activation patterns, implicit scripts… and most importantly, what to do once you do get activated! Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout. As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Or read Marriott & Kelley’s critically-acclaimed book, Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World (HarperCollins,2023) for the most in-depth experience of learning about Secure Relating. Therapists love it, but it’s accessible to everyone. If you aren’t interested in the background science, just start at Part 2 and we will be talking directly to you – it’s fun!   You are invited! OK for those of you who refer others to the pod, use it professionally or consider yourself nerdy and just love this stuff, hello, you are our people! Join our exclusive community to get exclusive bonus content, early access to training opportunities, and an ad-free, private podcast feed. It’s this warm community that allows us to donate half of all corportate profits to mental health access for marginalized peoples. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!!

What if your relationship struggles aren’t just personal—but shaped by the systems you live in? Together, Akilah Riley Richardson and Sue Marriott challenge traditional Western therapy models, discuss the importance of “responsible externalizing,” and explore how therapists can create space for grief, imagination, and genuine connection instead of trying to fix what cannot simply be solved. Akilah Riley Richardson returns to explore how systemic trauma quietly shapes our relationships, nervous systems, and sense of self. Drawing from her work with marginalized couples, she introduces the concept of relational privilege and explains why healing cannot be separated from the social systems we live in. “The experiences of marginalized people are often devalued even by helping professionals, and this text is my dedication to carving a space where we, as practitioners, can ensure that we are of service in a way that is rooted in the realities of our people. It is also a reflection of my obligation to marginalized couples and individuals. My sincere wish for them all is that they are never harmed in therapy but instead uplifted. ” – Akilah Riley-Richardson Time Stamps for The Hidden Weight of Systemic Trauma: How Oppression Shapes Our Relationships with Akilah Riley-Richardson (306) 02:05 The systemic trauma faced by marginalized couples 04:12 Barriers for global south therapists and voices 08:00 Fear, threat, and navigating space as a marginalized person 09:57 Relational privilege and systemic influence 12:03 The role of colonial Christianity in systemic trauma 17:50 The danger of model dogmatism in therapy 20:06 Neurobiological threat and systemic trauma 22:02 Practicing responsible externalizing in therapy 26:07 The grief of systemic trauma and loss 28:04 The limitations of evidence-based models 29:58 The need for imagination and community in healing 31:47 The concept of lostness and liminality in trauma 34:06 The danger of attachment to models and frameworks 35:59 Differentiating systemic from relational reality 38:10 Yoruba and indigenous healing traditions 41:59 The influence of colonialism and imperialism on therapy 43:53 Acknowledge systemic trauma in therapist self-awareness 49:57 Habits of survival and internalized oppression 51:52 The impact of systemic trauma on body and mind About our Guest – Akilah Riley-Richardson, MSW, CCTP Akilah Riley-Richardson, MSW, CCTP is a dedicated therapist, educator, and researcher with several years of experience. As a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional and STAIR Method Certified clinician, Akilah specializes in relational healing, focusing on the needs of couples and individuals, both in the Caribbean and internationally.Her expertise extends to supporting sexual and racial minorities, ensuring that her practice is inclusive and culturally sensitive. Akilah’s commitment to education and advocacy has led her to consult for esteemed organizations, including NASTAD, I-TECH, CARPHA, and CVC, where she has made significant contributions to healthcare training and community support. She has presented her work at various prestigious forums, such as the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium, Academy of Therapy Wisdom, Harvard Medical School, Chicago School of Psychology and the Black Mental Health Symposium. From 2012 to 2025, she served as a Social Work Educator at the University of the Southern Caribbean, mentoring future leaders in the field. Currently, she serves as a Research Supervisor and Examiner at the University of the West Indies Global Campus. As the founder of the Relational Healing Institute and the creator of the P.R.I.D.E. model, Akilah is passionate about advancing relational therapies. Her book, “Marginalized Couples in Therapy” reflects this passion. Resources for The Hidden Weight of Systemic Trauma: How Oppression Shapes Our Relationships with Akilah Riley-Richardson (306) Marginalized Couples in Therapy: Interventions for Healing from Systemic Trauma – Akilah’s new book, use this link for 20% off. Get your copy today! Akilah’s website – Resources, opportunities and additional information Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all! SimplePractice is an all-in-one EHR that is HIPPA compliant, HITRUST certified and built specifically for therapists. If you are ready to simplify the business side of your practice, now is a great time to try SimplePractice. Start with a 7-day free trial, then get 50% off your first three months. Just go to SimplePractice.com to claim the offer. Beyond Attachment Styles – Deepening Security in Yourself and Fostering More Secure Relationships Course available NOW! Everyone’s heard of attachment styles – but you likely don’t know how much the popular press gets wrong and what the science actually says about how to improve your relationships long term (including how we relate to ourselves). This course is for anyone wanting to more deeply understand attachment (styles vs patterns), unconscious defense activation patterns, implicit scripts… and most importantly, what to do once you do get activated! Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout. As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Or read Marriott & Kelley’s critically-acclaimed book, Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World (HarperCollins,2023) for the most in-depth experience of learning about Secure Relating. Therapists love it, but it’s accessible to everyone. If you aren’t interested in the background science, just start at Part 2 and we will be talking directly to you – it’s fun!   You are invited! OK for those of you who refer others to the pod, use it professionally or consider yourself nerdy and just love this stuff, hello, you are our people! Join our exclusive community to get exclusive bonus content, early access to training opportunities, and an ad-free, private podcast feed. It’s this warm community that allows us to donate half of all corportate profits to mental health access for marginalized peoples. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!!

Dr. Aly Cohen and co-host Dr. Ann Kelley discuss the often-overlooked importance of drinking water quality, the impact of environmental toxins on health, and the connection between gut health and mental well-being. Dr. Cohen highlights the alarming rise of autoimmune diseases and the role of hormones and chemicals in our health. Learn practical, manageable ways to reduce toxin exposure, while exploring how nutrition, lifestyle choices, education, and community support play a vital role in empowering people to take control of their health.

Conflict in relationships is inevitable - find out the ins and outs of repair for healthy relationships. We are back with relationship expert, Dr. Stan Tatkin to explore the inner workings of relationships from a biological and societal perspective, and his new book, In Each Other's Care. All humans are complicated creatures and if we spend enough time with each other, it's going to get tense. That part is OK, but what happens after arguing disconnection or tension is what really matters.