Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life

A lot of us grew up believing the hard way is the better way, so when our kids struggle (or we do), we assume that the answer is to exert more effort. That can leave you feeling like you’re failing at something you “should” be able to power through. Wearing yourself out trying to push a tween or teen toward better habits is one of the most common, and most exhausting, parts of parenting. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. Even world-class athletes don’t achieve their goals on willpower alone. Psychologist Angela Duckworth, who has spent her career studying grit, explains that they set up their surroundings to make the work easier. Teens are especially attuned to the norms around them, so the school, peers, and neighborhood can play a powerful role in shaping their behavior . That means you have more say than you think. Dr. Lisa and Angela talk about doing what you can to shape the environment around your teen and why working to create contexts that make hard work easier to do is smart, not lazy. Consider this your permission to stop doing everything the hard way. Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide. Angela Duckworth is the Rosa Lee and Egbert Chang Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Grit. ________________  GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠⁠  DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS - Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠⁠ - Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠⁠ - The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠⁠  UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠⁠  VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠⁠ ________________ Today's sponsors: Cash App: For a limited time, new Cash App customers can earn $10 if they use code: FAMILY10. Understood: Check out Zero Rejects wherever you listen to podcasts. Warby Parker: Buy one prescription pair of glasses and get 20% off any additional prescription pairs at ⁠https://www.WarbyParker.com/ASKLISA ⁠⁠ Download Cash App today and make your money work for you. Click here to get started: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/0xxwl6dd #CashAppPartner Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card (https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement), Sutton debit flex card (https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/debit-flex-card-agreement-sutton), and Bancorp debit flex card (https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/debit-flex-card-agreement-bancorp). Savings provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Parents and legal guardians can open a managed account for kids 6-12. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. ________________ Parenting a tween or teen? Buckle up. Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life tackles the questions that keep parents up at night — academics, friendships, mental health, screens, meltdowns, and more. Every week, psychologist Lisa Damour teams up with a different expert to answer a real parent's real question — no fluff, no judgment, just practical, evidence-based advice you can actually use. Dr. Damour and her colleagues also turn their attention to the emotional rollercoaster of raising kids — the moments that leave you feeling uneasy, overwhelmed, or just plain alone. You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to hit play. ________________ Episode keywords: Angela Duckworth, grit, situated, parenting tweens and teens, how to help teenagers make good choices, teen behavior and environment, choosing the right school for your teen, school culture and teen wellbeing, teen peer pressure, helping teens find positive friends, how to support an anxious teenager, preventing bullying at school, building healthy habits for teens, parenting teenagers with less conflict, adolescent development and social norms, how neighborhoods affect kids’ wellbeing Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, dr lisa damour, reena ninan, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting hacks, parenting help, family dynamics, kids podcast, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence Learn more about your ad choices. 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You're thinking about signing your kid up for a travel-heavy club team with a price tag that makes you wince - and a co-parent who sees the whole thing differently. Might saying yes to club sports support your talented kid while undermining the rest of family life? It's a miserable spot to be in. We don’t want to hold our kids back, but we also worry about what club sports might cost our families in terms of time, money, and togetherness.  The good news: our kids are still figuring out who they are, what they’re good at, and what they love. Their enjoyment and motivation matter far more than locking into one path early, and that gives you more room than the sports world tends to admit. Three-time Olympian and mom of three Lauren Regula joins Lisa to talk about how her family has handled the challenges that come with today’s youth sports landscape. You'll learn how to figure out what level of play fits your kid and your family, how to set boundaries before the sports schedule takes over your calendar, and how to protect time for other interests and family time.  Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide. Lauren Bay Regula is a three-time Olympian and bronze medalist with Softball Canada, speaker, coach and a mom of three young athletes. ________________  GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠⁠  DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS - Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠⁠ - Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠⁠ - The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠⁠  UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠⁠  VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠⁠ ________________ Today's sponsors: Jones Road Beauty:  Use the code ASKLISA for a free full sized Mascara with your first purchase at ⁠https://www.jonesroadbeauty.com⁠. Momentous: Get up to 35% off your first order with promo code ASKLISA at ⁠https://www.livemomentous.com⁠ OneSkin: Use the code ASKLISA for 15% off your next purchase at ⁠https://www.oneskin.co/ASKLISA⁠. ________________ Parenting a tween or teen? Buckle up. Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life tackles the questions that keep parents up at night — academics, friendships, mental health, screens, meltdowns, and more. Every week, psychologist Lisa Damour teams up with a different expert to answer a real parent's real question — no fluff, no judgment, just practical, evidence-based advice you can actually use. Dr. Damour and her colleagues also turn their attention to the emotional rollercoaster of raising kids — the moments that leave you feeling uneasy, overwhelmed, or just plain alone. You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to hit play. ________________ Episode keywords: youth sports pressure, club sports for kids, travel sports pros and cons, is club soccer worth it, choosing a youth sports team, balancing sports and family time, parenting a talented young athlete, youth sports burnout, sports parent pressure, kids sports time commitment, expensive youth sports, letting kids quit sports, keeping kids motivated in sports, multi-sport athletes, healthy boundaries in youth sports, college sports recruiting pressure Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, dr lisa damour, reena ninan, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting hacks, parenting help, family dynamics, kids podcast, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Your sobbing middle schooler has just seen a Snapchat of their friend group hanging out without them and feels devastated …and you have no idea whether you should call the other parents, try to help your child cheer up, or just stay out of it. Watching kids be excluded by friends they’ve had for years often leaves parents feeling bewildered, upset, helpless - or all of the above. Feeling angry on your kid’s behalf and wanting to rush to the rescue are completely understandable reactions. But you’ll want to take a beat and listen to this episode before acting.  Michelle Icard joins us today to break down how tweens going through social exclusion at school are usually just testing out new friends and identities. Old friendships don't always grow at the same pace and some kids get left out in the process. Your job isn't to engineer the friendship back together. It's to tend to your own feelings (perhaps hitting the gym, talking with a friend, or consulting with a clinician), then sit with your kid and ask what might help them feel even a little better today. Painful social shifts, including periods of feeling socially adrift, can ultimately foster resilience, independence, and the skills needed to build new friendships and interests. Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide. Michelle Icard is a middle-school parenting expert with over 20 years of experience helping families navigate early adolescence. She is the author of Middle School Makeover, Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen, and Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success. ________________  GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠  DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS - Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠ - Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠ - The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠  UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠  VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠ ________________ Today's sponsors: Masterclass: Get 15% off any annual membership at https://www.masterclass.com/ASKLISA Simple Practice: Sign up for a free 7-day trial, and get 50% off your first three months at https://www.simplepractice.com. Wayfair: Visit ⁠⁠https://wayfair.com⁠. Cash App: For a limited time, new Cash App customers can earn $10 if they use code: FAMILY10. Download Cash App today and make your money work for you. Click here to get started: ⁠https://click.cash.app/ui6m/0xxwl6dd⁠ #CashAppPartner Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card (https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement), Sutton debit flex card (https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/debit-flex-card-agreement-sutton), and Bancorp debit flex card (https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/debit-flex-card-agreement-bancorp). Savings provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Parents and legal guardians can open a managed account for kids 6-12. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. ________________ Episode keywords: tween left out by friends, teen left out by friends, daughter excluded by friends, middle school girl drama, middle school friendship problems, tween friendship struggles, teen friendship issues, mean girl behavior, social exclusion at school, how to help excluded child, my child has no friends at school, coping with friend drama, middle school friend group, mixed messages from friends, parenting tween friendships, supporting socially isolated teen, what to do when friends leave you out Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, dr lisa damour, reena ninan, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting hacks, parenting help, family dynamics, kids podcast, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Your kid announces they’re cutting out sugar. No cookies or dessert, just carrots and hummus for lunch on repeat. You notice they’ve lost a little weight. And somewhere in the back of your mind, a voice keeps asking: is this fine, or is this not fine? Are you being anxious, or are you being appropriately worried? That in-between space is exhausting. If that’s where you are right now, you’re not overreacting, and you’re not alone. Dr. Kelly Bhatnagar walks us through what actually separates a “healthy eating” phase from something worth a closer look — and why the kids who need the most support are often the ones who feel, to themselves, the most in control. You’ll walk away with a simple framework for bringing this up with your kid — one that doesn't require perfect timing or the perfect words.  Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide. Dr. Kelly Bhatnagar is a licensed clinical psychologist and eating disorder specialist with over 20 years of experience, co-founder of the Center for Emotional Wellness, and a certified provider of Maudsley Family-Based Treatment for adolescents. Dr. Bhatnagar’s eating disorder consulting services and program development coaching: www.eatpsychscience.com Maudsley Family-Based Treatment: https://www.aedweb.org/aed-training-program/training-program-mantra-11-2026 The Academy for Eating Disorders (AED): https://www.aedweb.org/home F.E.A.S.T. (Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders): https://feast-ed.org/ American Academy of Pediatrics statement about weight and behavior-focused guidance: https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/138/3/e20161649/52684/Preventing-Obesity-and-Eating-Disorders-in ________________  GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠  DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS - PRE-ORDER: The Emotional Lives of Parents: Caring for Ourselves to Better Care for Our Children → https://bit.ly/EmotionalLivesofParents - Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠ - Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠ - The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠  UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠  VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠ ________________ Parenting a tween or teen? Buckle up. Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life tackles the questions that keep parents up at night — academics, friendships, mental health, screens, meltdowns, and more. Every week, psychologist Lisa Damour teams up with a different expert to answer a real parent's real question — no fluff, no judgment, just practical, evidence-based advice you can actually use. Dr. Damour and her colleagues also turn their attention to the emotional rollercoaster of raising kids — the moments that leave you feeling uneasy, overwhelmed, or just plain alone. You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to hit play. ________________ Today's Sponsors: Caraway: 10% off your next order with promo code ASKLISA at ⁠⁠⁠https://www.carawayhome.com/asklisa⁠⁠⁠ Oak Essentials: Use the code ASKLISA for 15% off your next purchase at ⁠⁠⁠https://www.Oakessentials.com⁠⁠. Warby Parker: Buy one prescription pair of glasses and get 20% off any additional prescription pairs at ⁠⁠⁠https://www.WarbyParker.com/ASKLISA ⁠⁠ ________________ teen eating disorder signs, early signs of eating disorders, disordered eating in teens, teen anxiety and food, tween afraid of gaining weight, teen losing weight anxiety, picky eating teenager anxiety, teen obsessed with eating healthy, orthorexia in teens, how to talk to teens about food, how to talk to teens about weight, helping teen with body image, parent guide to eating disorders, Maudsley family based treatment, FBT for teens, when to worry about teen dieting ask lisa podcast, lisa damour, dr lisa damour, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting help, family dynamics, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence, emotional lives of parents, parent wellbeing, parental mental health, parenting stress, parent self-care, parent burnout, parenting emotions, lisa damour book, the emotional lives of parents, parenting experts, child psychologist, parenting research, evidence-based parenting, voicing change media Learn more about your ad choices. 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