Stuck Not Broken

Safety is the state where life feels workable. Not perfect, just manageable. It's the top of the ladder and the place we're all reaching for, so this episode is about what it actually feels like in your body, what it looks like on someone's face and in their voice, and what it really takes to get there. You'll also meet Courtney, whose story we follow throughout the states from here.👉 New here? Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck Or go straight to what's best for you:👉 Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start 📘 Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books 🎧 Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach 👥 Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy😊 About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband.✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for an emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)Mentioned in this episode:Naming Your StucknessNot sure which stuck state you're in? That's normal, and more common than you'd think. I made a free page that lays the stuck states out in plain language so you can find words for what you're experiencing. No quiz, no email just to look: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=dynamic_spot&utm_campaign=stuck-page

Ever notice your thoughts get meaner when you feel bad, and softer when you feel good? That's not a coincidence, and it's not a flaw in you. "Story follows state" means the story in your head comes out of the state your body is in, not the other way around. Once you catch it happening in real time, a dark story starts to lose its grip.👉 New here? Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck Or go straight to what's best for you:👉 Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start 📘 Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books 🎧 Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach 👥 Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy😊 About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband.✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for an emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)Mentioned in this episode:Naming Your StucknessNot sure which stuck state you're in? That's normal, and more common than you'd think. I made a free page that lays the stuck states out in plain language so you can find words for what you're experiencing. No quiz, no email just to look: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=dynamic_spot&utm_campaign=stuck-page

You can't just decide to calm down, sorry to say. The Polyvagal Ladder is a simple metaphor for how your nervous system moves: safety at the top, fight-or-flight in the middle, shutdown at the bottom, one rung at a time. Once you can see which rung you're on, a lot of the reactions you've beaten yourself up over start to make sense, and stop feeling like proof that something's wrong with you.the Polyvagal Current - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/polyvagal-current👉 New here? Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck Or go straight to what's best for you:👉 Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start 📘 Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books 🎧 Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach 👥 Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy😊 About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband.✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for an emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)Mentioned in this episode:Naming Your StucknessNot sure which stuck state you're in? That's normal, and more common than you'd think. I made a free page that lays the stuck states out in plain language so you can find words for what you're experiencing. No quiz, no email just to look: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=dynamic_spot&utm_campaign=stuck-page

"That was a long time ago. I don't think it affects me anymore."Have you ever said this about something from your past? In this deeply personal episode, Justin shares his own recent experience of discovering how past trauma still lives in the body—even when we're not thinking about it.After a major spinal surgery in 1997, Justin thought he'd moved on. But when new back issues required x-rays nearly 30 years later, he felt something unexpected surface: a saddened familiarity, an inward collapse. The past was still there, waiting.This episode offers a real-time example of what self-regulation can look like during difficult moments—and an invitation to extend more compassion toward yourself and the feelings that surface, even when they're unexpected.Key takeaways:Why "I don't think about it" doesn't mean it's resolvedHow to permit your feelings while staying anchored in safetyThe value of building your Safety Baseline before the unexpected arrivesWhat it looks like to balance difficult emotions with safety in real timeA different kind of episode. A different kind of connection.🌸 Not sure which stuck state you're in? Recognize where you're at and join the free community here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=stuck-pageIt helps you recognize your state. It never tells you what you are. No quiz, no verdict, no card.🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=how-i-can-help🙂 Don't know the Polyvagal Theory? Catch up here - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)Mentioned in this episode:Naming Your StucknessNot sure which stuck state you're in? That's normal, and more common than you'd think. I made a free page that lays the stuck states out in plain language so you can find words for what you're experiencing. No quiz, no email just to look: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=dynamic_spot&utm_campaign=stuck-page

When your spouse is dysregulated, shut down, or lashing out in anger—what's really happening? And more importantly, what can YOU do about it?In this episode, I break down:✓ The biological difference between being technically safe and *feeling* safe✓ Why your partner may not identify you as a safety cue (even if you're trying)✓ The "Polyvagal Ladder"—how shutdown → anger → safety actually works✓ Why fight activation coming out of shutdown is actually a GOOD sign✓ The painful relationship cycle (and how to break it)✓ 4 practical tips to shift relationship dynamicsKEY TAKEAWAY: If you want your relationship to change, it falls on YOU to show up differently. You can't control your partner's nervous system, but you can regulate yours—and that's powerful.⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:0:00 - Introduction: Understanding Dysregulation in Relationships0:32 - Listener's Question: Navigating Marital Challenges2:01 - The Concept of Safety in Relationships7:31 - The Role of Fight Activation and Safety11:03 - Breaking the Cycle: Self-Regulation and Boundaries20:12 - Practical Tips for Changing Relationship Dynamics26:45 - Conclusion: The Journey to Self-Regulation👉 Resources from this episode:"Self-Regulate to Co-regulate" episode - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1ZflmdCZyE 🌸 Not sure which stuck state you're in? Recognize where you're at and join the free community here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=stuck-pageIt helps you recognize your state. It never tells you what you are. No quiz, no verdict, no card.🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=how-i-can-help🙂 Don't know the Polyvagal Theory? Catch up here - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)Mentioned in this episode:Naming Your StucknessNot sure which stuck state you're in? That's normal, and more common than you'd think. I made a free page that lays the stuck states out in plain language so you can find words for what you're experiencing. No quiz, no email just to look: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=dynamic_spot&utm_campaign=stuck-page