Securely Attached

Dr. Jacob Ham, licensed clinical psychologist and Director of the Center for Trauma and Resilience at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, joins me for a profound conversation about trauma, attachment, presence, and the relational experiences that help us heal. Together we explore: - Why trauma is not defined solely by what happened to us, but by how those experiences continue to shape the way we relate to ourselves and others. - The difference between living from a state of survival and living from a state of presence. - How trauma can disrupt our natural capacity to move fluidly between connection, protection, openness, and autonomy. - Why healing does not happen through insight alone, but through relationships that allow us to experience safety, reflection, and connection. - The concept of reflective functioning and why it is one of the strongest predictors of secure attachment across generations. - How becoming aware of our internal "chatter" can help us respond with greater compassion toward ourselves and our children. - Why rupture and repair are a normal and necessary part of healthy relationships. - How parents can begin breaking intergenerational cycles by cultivating curiosity, awareness, and presence. This conversation offers a powerful reminder that secure attachment is not built through perfection. It is built through our willingness to stay present, remain open to reflection, and continually return to connection with ourselves and the people we love. Dr. Ham shares a deeply hopeful perspective on how healing happens and how even small moments of awareness can begin to transform the patterns we pass on to the next generation.

Dr. Tracy Dennis-Tiwary, clinical psychologist, researcher, and author of Future Tense: Why Anxiety Is Good for You (Even Though It Feels Bad), joins me to talk about why anxiety is one of the most misunderstood emotions in parenting. Together we explore: The surprising difference between anxiety that helps us grow and anxiety that gets in the way. Why anxiety may be helping your child (and you!) more than you realize. How to tell when anxiety is healthy and when it's becoming a problem. Why some of the most common responses to childhood anxiety can backfire. The surprising connection between anxiety, hope, and resilience. How parents can become a source of calm without dismissing or fixing their child's feelings. The simple shift that can help you stop seeing anxiety as the enemy. Dr. Dennis-Tiwary's three-step framework for responding to anxiety in yourself and your child. This conversation offers a powerful reframe for parents who want to support their children through anxiety without reinforcing fear or avoidance. It is about learning to see anxiety not as an enemy, but as a normal part of being human, and helping our children develop the confidence to face uncertainty, navigate discomfort, and trust their ability to handle life's challenges. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗https://www.tracydennistiwary.com/ 📚Future Tense: Why Anxiety Is Good for You (Even Though It Feels Bad) – A Psychologist's Paradigm Shift for Understanding and Hope 📱@dr.tracyphd LEARN MORE ABOUT ME: 🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren 🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families 📱IG: @drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 👉 Looking for support for a child struggling with anxiety or OCD? If your child is struggling with anxiety or OCD, Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers SPACE-based parent support through both a virtual group and individualized care. Go to upshurbren.com/space to learn more or book a free 30-minute consultation with our care team, who will listen carefully and help you determine the best support for your family. 🎧 The mattering gap: Why so many parents feel invisible, overwhelmed, and disconnected with Jennifer Wallace CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) with Dr. Eli Lebowitz of the Yale Child Study Center 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to find the line between supporting your child and feeding their anxiety 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how parents can know when their child's anxiety may require a mental health intervention

Collaborative divorce attorney and positive psychology practitioner Andrea Vacca joins me to talk about something many families don't realize is possible: a way to move through divorce without escalating conflict or damaging long-term relationships. For many people, divorce is synonymous with battle. It's something to survive, something to win, or something to endure at all costs. But as Andrea explains, that model often makes an already painful experience even harder for both parents and children. In this conversation, we explore how a more intentional, team-based approach can help families navigate divorce in a way that supports emotional well-being, preserves dignity, and sets the foundation for healthier co-parenting moving forward. Together, we discuss: What collaborative divorce is and how it differs from traditional litigation. Why you don't need strong communication skills to start this process, just a willingness to try. How a team-based approach (including mental health and financial professionals) supports the whole family. The biggest myths about collaborative divorce, especially for high-conflict couples. How positive psychology can help shift your mindset from survival to growth during divorce. The concept of a "good enough" agreement and how it can reduce unnecessary conflict. How emotional regulation impacts decision-making during divorce. What it actually looks like to create a thoughtful, durable co-parenting plan. How to revisit and improve parenting plans, even after a divorce is finalized. How parents can protect their child's sense of stability during a major family transition. This conversation is about more than divorce. It's about how we navigate major life transitions, how we stay grounded in our values under stress, and how we make decisions that support not just short-term relief, but long-term well-being for ourselves and our children. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗 Vacca Family Law Firm 🎧 A Better Divorce Podcast 📱@vaccafamilylawgroup LEARN MORE ABOUT ME: 🔗 https://drsarahbren.com/ 📱 @drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 👉 Navigating separation or divorce? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers specialized support at every stage of the process, including therapy and coaching, parenting and co-parenting support, family therapy, and weekly divorce groups for women and children. Whether you're in the middle of a split or adjusting to a new family structure, our team is here to help you and your children feel steady and supported. Visit upshurbren.com to learn more or schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the right support for your family. https://www.collaborativepractice.com/ CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about divorcing with less conflict with Katherine Miller 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about busting divorce myths and breaking down the true effect it has on children Michelle Dempsey-Multack 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the legal considerations parents need to know with matrimonial attorney Lisa Zeiderman 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about navigating high-conflict divorce while prioritizing your own needs and attachment relationships with Karen McMahon 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about whether "nesting" during a divorce is better for your kids

In this deep dive episode, I explore how secure attachment evolves across development and what children are really needing from us emotionally at each stage of childhood and adolescence. Using Erik Erikson's stages of psychosocial development as a framework, we look at the core emotional tasks kids are navigating from infancy through young adulthood, and how our role as parents shifts alongside them. Together, we explore: What secure attachment looks like at different developmental stages. How to stay connected to your child as their needs evolve over time. Why toddlers push for independence and what they need from us in those moments. How play, boredom, and curiosity support emotional development in early childhood Why school-age kids become more focused on achievement, perfectionism, and peer comparison. How social media can intensify insecurity during key developmental windows. Why adolescence can suddenly feel so emotionally intense and unpredictable. How to stay a secure base for your teen without escalating power struggles. What today's loneliness epidemic can teach us about raising emotionally connected kids. Why repair matters more than perfection in secure relationships. How understanding your child's developmental task can completely shift the way you respond to behavior. This episode is ultimately about learning to zoom out. Not to parent each stage perfectly, but to better understand what your child is actually working through underneath the behaviors, emotions, and developmental shifts that can sometimes leave us feeling confused or disconnected. Because when we understand the developmental needs driving our child's behavior, we can respond with more clarity, compassion, and connection. LEARN MORE ABOUT ME: 🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren 🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families 📱IG: @drsarahbren CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 02. Attachment Theory and Fostering Secure Attachment Relationships 🎧 102. Breaking the cycle of insecure attachment: How to support your child's secure attachment even if you didn't grow up with it, with Dr. Miriam Steele 🎧 103. Secure attachment vs. social media: Navigating their effects on body image from early childhood to teen years with Dr. Miriam Steele 🎧 76. Secure attachment is optimal, but insecure attachment may not be as bad as we think: A conversation with attachment researcher Dr. Or Dagan 🎧 139. BTS: Can my kid be securely attached to me if I'm insecurely attached in my adult relationships?

Jennifer Wallace joins the podcast to explore a powerful but often overlooked foundation of mental health and resilience: the human need to feel like we matter. While so much of parenting focuses on what we do for our kids, this conversation invites us to look inward, because a child's sense of mattering is deeply shaped by how much their parents feel valued, seen, and significant in their own lives. Drawing from research and real-life stories, we unpack why so many adults today feel invisible, overwhelmed, or defined by achievement, and how that shapes the way we show up in our relationships with our children. Together we explore: What it actually means to "matter" and why it's different from self-esteem or a sense of purpose. Why parents today are at risk of feeling like they don't matter, and how that impacts their kids. The connection between mattering, anxiety, burnout, and loneliness. A simple framework for building deeper, more meaningful relationships. Why "delight" is a critical ingredient in helping children feel secure and valued. How to model a healthy sense of self so your child doesn't feel pressure to be your "everything." Practical ways to help kids both feel valued and add value in their families and communities. How showing others they matter can actually be the fastest way to feel like you matter too. This conversation is a reminder that parenting doesn't happen in a vacuum. When we feel grounded in our own worth, supported by meaningful relationships and a sense of connection, we create the conditions for our children to internalize that same belief: you matter, just as you are. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗Jennifer Wallace 📚Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose 📱IG: @jenniferbrehenywallace 🎧 Listen to Jennie's first Securely Attached podcast about the hidden dangers of an achievement centric approach LEARN MORE ABOUT ME: 🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren 🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families 📱IG: @drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 🔗 Feeling weighed down by mom-guilt, identity shifts, or the mental load of parenting? Upshur Bren Psychology Group specializes in maternal mental health and offers therapy and coaching to help you feel more grounded and supported. Visit upshurbren.com to learn more about support options or schedule a free consultation call so we can share recommendations for a personalized plan to meet your unique needs. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how play could be the key to mental health and well-being with Dr. Mike Rucker 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about parental burnout: What it is, why it happens, and how to overcome it 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about fostering deep and meaningful relationships with Dr. Rick Hanson

Dr. Jay Belsky joins the podcast to explore one of the most important and often misunderstood truths in parenting: the same environment does not affect every child the same way. Drawing from decades of research on nature and nurture, this conversation looks at how biology and experience work together to shape development, and why some kids are more sensitive to their environments while others are more resilient. Together, we explore: Why some children are more affected by parenting, stress, and environment than others. The difference between sensitivity and susceptibility, and why it matters for long-term development. What "developmental plasticity" is and how it shapes the way kids respond to their experiences. Why resilience is not always a good thing and sensitivity is not always a problem. How nature and nurture work together to shape each child in unique ways. The one thing within a parent's control that can help protect children from adversity. How to shift from trying to control outcomes to supporting the child you have. The difference between "carpenter" parenting and "gardener" parenting, and why it changes everything. How to set realistic expectations for yourself and your child without lowering the bar. This conversation offers a powerful reframe for parents who feel confused, overwhelmed, or frustrated when what works for one child doesn't work for another. It is about understanding your child as an individual, letting go of the pressure to get it exactly right, and focusing on what truly supports healthy development over time. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗Dr. Jay Belsky 📚The Nature of Nurture: Rethinking Why and How Childhood Adversity Shapes Development LEARN MORE ABOUT ME: 🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren 🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families 📱IG: @drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 📚The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children by Alison Gopnik 📚 The Nurture Assumption: Why Children Turn Out the Way They Do by Judith Rich Harris 👉 Want to get my research-backed framework for increasing cooperation and emotion regulation skills in your sensitive child? Check out Parenting by Design, my guided program to help you parent your unique child in a way that increases cooperation, defuses power struggles, and rebuilds their trust in your authority–all while supporting your child's mental health and your own. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about orchid and dandelion children with Dr. W. Thomas Boyce 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the neuroscience of raising emotionally resilient kids with Dr. Kristen Lindquist 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to support your sensitive, "spicy," highly emotional child? 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about preventing burnout when you have a sensitive child

Rachel Melvald joins the podcast to explore a powerful but often overlooked influence on our children's behavior, mood, and regulation: the spaces they live in. Drawing from her work in Neurodesign, this conversation looks at how our home environment shapes the nervous system and impacts how both kids and parents feel and function. Together, we explore: How clutter and visual overwhelm increase cognitive load and dysregulation in kids (and adults). Why fewer toys can actually support more focused, creative, and independent play. How predictable, organized spaces help children feel safer and more regulated. The role of sensory input, like lighting, color, texture, and movement, in shaping behavior and mood. Why natural elements are so powerful for calming the nervous system. How to think about different spaces in your home and the function you want them to serve. Simple, practical changes that can have an immediate impact on how your home feels. How design can support not just individual regulation, but connection, boundaries, and family relationships. This conversation offers a new lens on parenting, one that goes beyond behavior strategies and focuses on the environment itself. It's about creating spaces that support regulation, connection, and well-being for the whole family. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗https://www.psychitecture.com/ 📚NEURODESIGN: The Art and Science of Harmonious Living 📱@rachelmelvald LEARN MORE ABOUT ME: 🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren 🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families 📱IG: @drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 🔗Pikler Triangle 🔗 Toddler Trampoline CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about finding balance in the home, at work, and in parenthood with Chelsi Jo 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how you can teach your toddler to clean up their toys without power struggles? 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about buying less and living sustainably with The New York Stylist, Liz Teich

Let's revisit the foundation of raising securely attached kids! I'm bringing back one of my first ever episodes to help parents understand the basics of how a secure attachment bond impacts children's resilience, confidence, and overall well-being. Tune in to hear: What secure attachment is and how it plays a key role in nurturing a child's confidence, curiosity, and ability to handle life's ups and downs. The powerful influence of feeling safe and seen on a child's ability to be honest, adaptable, and resilient. Practical strategies for fostering secure attachment, no matter the age of your child. How attachment affects a child's development into a compassionate, kind individual who can build meaningful relationships throughout their life. This episode offers science-backed insights and actionable tips and is a must-listen for all parents! INTERESTED IN LEARNING MORE ABOUT ATTACHMENT SCIENCE? Click HERE to download my free guide, The Four Pillars of Fostering Secure Attachment, helping you parent with a focus on attunement and trust. LEARN MORE ABOUT DR. SARAH: https://drsarahbren.com/ FOLLOW DR. SARAH ON INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/drsarahbren/ CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Breaking the cycle of insecure attachment: How to support your child's secure attachment even if you didn't grow up with it with Dr. Miriam Steele 🎧 Secure attachment is optimal, but insecure attachment may not be as bad as we think with Dr. Or Dagan 🎧 Can my kid be securely attached to me if I'm insecurely attached in my adult relationships?