The Best of You

Today's Scripture: Exodus 16:4, 16, 19 When you're facing an uncertain future, it's natural to want a plan, some reassurance, or a glimpse of how everything will turn out. But what happens when God doesn't give you the clarity you're hoping for? The Israelites' experience in the wilderness offers a surprising lesson about uncertainty, daily provision, and learning to trust God one day at a time. We explore: Why uncertainty can make us long for the familiarity of the past The difference between wise planning and trying to control the future What the Israelites' daily manna teaches us about trusting God How to recognize what's yours to do today—and what isn't yours to control Go Deeper: Episode 208 Spiritual Dryness, Burnout, and the Desert Seasons of Faith with Tish Harrison Warren Read I Shouldn't Feel This Way Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Proverbs 29:25 Have you ever said yes when you wanted to say no—or agreed with someone just to avoid conflict? People-pleasing can become an automatic response, especially when you've learned that keeping others happy is the safest way to maintain connection. But you can begin to change this pattern without losing your compassion for others. We explore: Why people-pleasing can feel almost impossible to stop What fawning reveals about your fear of disappointing others How to find security beyond someone else's approval Small ways to practice saying no without guilt Go Deeper: For more on how to recognize protective patterns and retrain your soul to find security in God's love, explore The Secure Soul and The Secure Soul Companion Guide Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you know you can trust someone? In a world where charisma, confidence, and even vulnerability can be carefully performed, knowing who we can trust feels more important than ever. In this powerful conversation, Dr. Alison sits down with longtime friend, therapist, and author Dr. Chuck DeGroat to explore what real character looks like, why genuine change is slower than we want it to be, and how to discern the difference between surface-level transformation and lasting integrity. Together, they unpack this incredibly important question of discerning when someone is trustworthy, as well as how to become people of character ourselves. In this episode, you’ll learn: * Why charisma and vulnerability don’t always signal trustworthy character. * How to recognize manipulation disguised as emotional maturity or spiritual wisdom. * What genuine character change looks like and how long it takes * How to balance compassion for others with healthy boundaries and accountability. About Dr. Chuck DeGroat: Dr. Chuck DeGroat is a professor, licensed therapist, author, and ordained minister specializing in pastoral health, spiritual abuse, religious trauma, and emotional and spiritual well-being. He serves as Professor of Counseling and Christian Spirituality and Founding Executive Director of the Clinical Mental Health Counseling Program at Western Theological Seminary. He is also the founder of The Soul Care Collaborative and a faculty member at the Soul Care Institute. With decades of experience in pastoral ministry, leadership development, and trauma-informed care, Dr. DeGroat helps individuals and church leaders navigate emotional and spiritual challenges toward greater wholeness and flourishing. More Resources: Get Dr. Chuck DeGroat's new book: Who You're Becoming: The Slow and Courageous Work of Cultivating Character in a Narcissistic Age Find more information about Dr. Chuck DeGroat here. Get exclusive access to the first 2 chapters of Dr. Alison’s newest book, ⁠The Secure Soul⁠.  Connect further with ⁠@dralisoncook⁠ on Instagram 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode⁠ here⁠. Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for us to bring you these resources for free! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Matthew 16:21–23 What happens when someone who genuinely loves you questions a decision you know you need to make? Even Jesus faced resistance from a close friend who wanted to protect him. His response reveals something surprising about the relationship between selflessness, inner strength, and staying true to your calling. In today's episode, we explore: Why even people who love us can give misguided advice What Jesus reveals about the strength behind true selflessness How to build confidence in your own voice, one small step at a time How to stay connected to someone without letting their fears guide your decisions Go Deeper: For more on developing a strong sense of self, explore The Best of You Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: James 4:7 (listener request) How do you know whether painful thoughts are coming from a wounded part of your soul or from spiritual opposition? When we're caught in cycles of rumination, self-criticism, or shame, discerning what's happening within us can be complicated. But we don't always have to identify the exact source of a thought to know how to respond to it. We explore: *How psychology and spiritual warfare intersect *Why painful feelings need compassion, but shaming thoughts need to be challenged *What James 4:7 teaches us about resisting lies *How to practice compassion and discernment in God's presenceGo deeper: ⁠Episode 197⁠: Am I Under Attack—or Just Overwhelmed? Spiritual Warfare and Personal Responsibility with Joel Muddamalle Episode 229: Why Your Soul Needs Quiet in a Noisy World with John Mark Comer Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: 1 Samuel 17:28-30 (Listener request) Have you ever felt like you're always the one being blamed or misunderstood in your family or relationships? When you're repeatedly cast as the difficult or sensitive one, it's easy to begin questioning your own perspective—and even your sense of who you are. We explore: *What family systems theory teaches us about scapegoating and the roles we take on in relationships*How being repeatedly blamed can shape your identity and make it difficult to trust your own perspectiveWhat David's response to his brother reveals about the freedom to stop defending yourself against every accusationHow to become a truth-teller and pattern breaker, taking responsibility for what's yours without carrying what belongs to othersGo deeper: Explore The Best of You and The Secure Soul For help navigating painful family dynamics, find therapy resources at www.dralisoncook.com/resources Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Psalm 139:13–16 Have you ever found yourself reaching for your phone, looking for something to eat when you're not hungry, or compulsively checking things off your to-do list? Sometimes these are simply habits. But sometimes they're small signals from within—what I like to think of as your soul's bids for connection. In today's episode, we explore:*Why we are both wonderfully made and wounded—and what that means for how we relate to ourselves*How the Gottmans' concept of bids for connection applies to our inner lives*How to recognize the subtle ways your soul asks for attention*How to invite God's loving presence into the hidden places within youGo deeper: Explore The Secure Soul: Finding Inner Strength and Connection When Trust Doesn't Come Easy at TheSecureSoulBook.com. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when we finally get quiet enough to encounter ourselves, God, and what’s underneath all the noise? In this episode, Dr. Alison Cook is joined by former pastor and New York Times bestselling author John Mark Comer to talk about his new book, Into the Quiet, and the surprisingly difficult practice of silence and solitude. They talk about what happens when we stop filling every empty space with our phones, work, entertainment, and distraction. What comes up in the quiet isn’t always what we expect. In this episode, you’ll learn: * Why getting quiet can be difficult but what we can discover when we finally slow down * How silence and solitude can help us become more present to ourselves and to God * How to recognize the difference between healthy reflection and rumination * When we’re meeting a part of our own soul vs. the enemy of our soul * How to start practicing quietness in small, manageable steps As John Mark says, “The point is just to offer ourselves more deeply to God.” About John Mark Comer: John Mark Comer is a teacher and a writer. He has his Masters in Biblical and Theological Studies and a Teacher in Residence at Vintage Church LA. He is a New York Times bestselling author of seven books. His most recent book is Into the Quiet: Following Jesus in a World of Noise. More Resources: Into the Quiet: Following Jesus in a World of Noise by John Mark Comer Other books by John Mark Comer The Practicing the Way nonprofit  Past episode with John Mark Comer and Dr. Alison Cook on the Best of You is here.  Dr. Alison Cook with John Mark Comer on the Rule of Life Podcast  Listeners get exclusive access to the first 2 chapters of Dr. Alison’s newest book, ⁠The Secure Soul⁠.  Connect further with ⁠@dralisoncook⁠ on Instagram 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode⁠ here⁠ Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for me to bring you these resources for free + provide you with additional discounts! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order!Remi - Start sleeping better with a Remi nightguard and use code BESTOFYOU and get 50% off your purchase. Go to ShopRemi.com/BESTOFYOU and use code BESTOFYOU. *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Luke 10:29–37 What if the part of you you most want to get rid of is also carrying something important?In today’s episode, Dr. Alison reflects on the parable of the Good Samaritan and turns the story inward. She explores the parts of us we distrust, criticize, or try to push away—and how learning to meet those places with compassion can change the way we love God, ourselves, and other people.Go Deeper: Learn more about working with the different parts of your soul in Boundaries for Your Soul and The Secure Soul at dralisoncook.com/books. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when trying to be more secure (on the surface) backfires? This week, Dr. Alison talks with Dr. Marisa Franco, about her new book, Worth. They explore a different way to think about anxious and avoidant attachment, the surprising science of how old memories continue to shape our present relationships, and why healing doesn’t require making someone else the villain. They also talk about grief, empathy, and a powerful experience Marisa had in therapy that changed how she understood the parts of herself she had spent years trying to hide. In this episode, you’ll learn: *A different way to understand anxious and avoidant attachment *Why seemingly small moments can trigger surprisingly big reactions *The fascinating science of memory reconsolidation *What grief has to do with genuine empathy and closeness *The surprising overlap between attachment science, parts work, and spiritual healing About Dr. Marisa G. Franco: Dr. Marisa G. Franco is a psychologist, professor, and New York Times bestselling author of Platonic. Her new book is Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment. More Resources: Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment—available wherever books are sold Dr. Marisa G. Franco  Listeners get exclusive access to the first 3 chapters of Dr. Alison’s newest book, ⁠The Secure Soul⁠.  Connect further with ⁠@dralisoncook⁠ on Instagram 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode⁠ here⁠ Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for me to bring you these resources for free + provide you with additional discounts! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! AquaTru - Shower Head - Right now, my listeners can get 20% off AquaTru Shower at AquaTruShower.com with promo code SHBESTOFYOU. It also comes with a 30-day money-back guarantee. That’s AquaTruShower.com, promo code SHBESTOFYOU (yes, the S-H is intentional). *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sexual wounding shows up in so many different ways, and it affects so many men and women.  Maybe something happened that felt off, invasive, confusing, or inappropriate, but you told yourself it wasn’t a big deal. Maybe you’ve never used the words sexual abuse or sexual violation because what happened didn’t fit the picture you had in mind. In this week’s episode, Dr. Alison is joined by trauma expert and bestselling author Dr. Dan Allender for a compassionate conversation about sexual abuse, sexual wounding, shame, trust, and the road toward healing. Dan explains why abuse is not only about a single event, but about how that event becomes woven into the larger fabric of a person’s story. They explore why so many people minimize what happened, how involuntary body responses can create profound shame, and why these wounds often surface years later in our ability to trust, receive love, hope, and connect intimately with others. You’ll learn: What sexual abuse and sexual wounding can look like beyond the narrowest definitions Why shame can linger long after an experience is over How abuse affects trust, hope, intimacy, and your relationships What parents can do when a child shares that something uncomfortable or violating happened How to approach your story with honesty, compassion, and dignity Sometimes the first step is simply being willing to say: Something happened that wasn’t okay. And I want to understand how it has shaped me. To find out more about The Allender Center workshops visit theallendercenter.org/workshops or email the Allender Center team directly at [email protected] Read Dr. Dan Allender’s  books: Healing the Wounded Heart The Deep-Rooted Marriage More Resources: Listeners get exclusive access to the first 3 chapters of Dr. Alison’s newest book, The Secure Soul.  Connect further with @dralisoncook on Instagram 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for me to bring you these resources for free + provide you with additional discounts! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! AirDoctor - Did you know the quality of oxygen you breathe affects your brain which in turn your thoughts? Eliminate 99.9% contaminants in your home with AirDoctor by visiting AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code BESTOFYOU to get UP TO $300 off today! *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices