The Inner Compass Podcast with Vanessa Bennett

In this episode, Vanessa sits down with Lizzie Tilia, spiritual guide, psychic, teacher, and founder of Earth Mystery School, for a conversation about intuition, earth-based practice, soul work, and what it means to take the unseen seriously without losing your ground. Together they explore Lizzie’s path from OCD, Catholic conditioning, and fear of the spirit world into psychic development, containment, and a more loving relationship with the unseen. They also talk about Jung’s collective unconscious, pan-cultural wisdom, spiritual performance, ego versus soul versus spirit work, and why some people need stronger ego structure before entering deeper soul or spiritual spaces. This is a conversation about intuition as a skill, discernment as devotion, and learning to become a good spiritual friend to yourself before trying to guide anyone else.Applications are now open to the public for Cohort 4 of Inner Compass Academy. ICA is Vanessa’s 10-week depth psychology training for therapists, coaches, space holders, creatives, seekers, and anyone called toward deeper work with shadow, the unconscious, embodiment, dreams, archetypes, relational patterns, and the symbolic life.Cohort 4 begins September 13. Learn more and apply here:https://www.vanessabennett.com/inner-compass-academyFor educational purposes only. This isn’t therapy.Connect with Lizzie Tilia:Website: https://www.lizzietilia.com/Earth Mystery School: https://www.earthmysteryschool.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lizzietilia/References:The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious — C. G. JungPacifica Graduate InstituteThe Blackfoot Origins of Maslow’s Hierarchy of NeedsHappier Hour — Cassie HolmesThe Creative Act — Rick RubinIf you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you’ve ever wondered whether suffering can be meaningful without becoming your whole identity, this episode is for you. Vanessa explores the difference between suffering that humbles, transforms, and moves us toward greater honesty, and suffering that becomes a role, a claim, a performance, or a way to stay morally protected. Through depth psychology, meaning-making research, Viktor Frankl, Jung, terror management theory, Freud’s mourning and melancholia, secondary gain, pathological altruism, and the martyr archetype, we look at why pain can become so hard to release when it has given us significance, belonging, or leverage. The question is not whether your suffering is real; the question is what it is doing.Applications are now open to the public for Cohort 4 of Inner Compass Academy. ICA is Vanessa’s 10-week depth psychology training for therapists, coaches, space holders, creatives, seekers, and anyone called toward deeper work with shadow, the unconscious, embodiment, dreams, archetypes, relational patterns, and the symbolic life.Cohort 4 begins September 13. Learn more and apply here:https://www.vanessabennett.com/inner-compass-academyRESEARCH & REFERENCESCrystal Park — Meaning-Making After Stressful Life EventsResearch on meaning-making, including global and situational meaning and how people integrate stressful or traumatic experiences into broader beliefs, goals, and worldviews.https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20192563/Ronnie Janoff-Bulman — Shattered AssumptionsExplores how trauma can disrupt fundamental assumptions about ourselves, other people, safety, meaning, and the world.https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Shattered-Assumptions/Ronnie-Janoff-Bulman/9780743236256Viktor Frankl — Man’s Search for Meaning & LogotherapyFrankl’s work on the human search for meaning, particularly in the context of suffering.https://www.viktorfrankl.org/books_by_vf.htmlhttps://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/538699/mans-search-for-meaning-by-viktor-e-frankl/Jung — The Religious Function of the PsycheA Jungian perspective on the psyche’s production of religious, symbolic, and numinous material in relation to meaning and psychological wholeness.https://jungchicago.org/the-religious-functions-of-the-psyche/James Hollis — Jungian Psychology & the “Larger Life”Hollis’s work explores suffering, meaning, the ego, and the movement toward what he describes as a larger life.https://jameshollis.net/“Martyr” — Etymology & the Meaning of WitnessThe etymology of martyr, tracing its roots through Latin and Greek martyr/martys, meaning “witness.”https://www.etymonline.com/word/martyrTerror Management TheoryResearch and theory concerning mortality awareness, existential anxiety, cultural worldviews, self-worth, meaning, and symbolic immortality.https://dictionary.apa.org/terror-management-theoryhttps://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/9781118430873.est0813https://doi.org/10.4135/9781071840801.n283Secondary Gain — APA Dictionary of PsychologyA psychological concept describing benefits or advantages that may arise from symptoms beyond their primary psychological function.https://dictionary.apa.org/secondary-gainSigmund Freud — Mourning and MelancholiaFreud’s distinction between mourning and melancholia, including identification with the lost object, self-reproach, and the displacement of reproach toward the object onto the self.https://ia903101.us.archive.org/29/items/FreudMourningAndMelancholia/Freud_MourningAndMelancholia_text.pdfBarbara Oakley — Pathological AltruismExplores circumstances in which altruism, empathy, or helping behavior can produce unintended harmful consequences.https://barbaraoakley.com/books/pathological-altruism/Heinz Kohut — Self Psychology & the Grandiose SelfBackground on Kohut’s self psychology, including self-esteem regulation, narcissistic development, external relationships, and the grandiose self.https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/nursing-and-health-professions/self-psychologyVanessa Bennett — Codependency, Martyrdom & Relational PatternsVanessa’s clinical and depth-psychology framework for understanding codependency, overgiving, resentment, moral armor, indirect communication, and martyrdom within relationships. https://www.vanessabennett.com/If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Narcissism is usually imagined as arrogance, dominance, and the loudest person in the room, but it is not always that obvious. In this episode, Vanessa explores narcissism as a problem of selfhood: what happens when a person does not have a stable enough inner sense of Self to stay emotionally coherent without constant reflection from the outside. Through Kohut, Kernberg, the myth of Narcissus, vulnerable and grandiose narcissism, the false self, parental overvaluation, and the difference between traits and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, we look at why these dynamics can feel so confusing inside real relationships. The question is not only whether someone can be charming, wounded, or empathic when things are easy, but whether they can stay curious about your reality when it no longer mirrors back the version of themselves they need to see.For educational purposes only. This isn’t therapy.Join Vanessa for the free Inner Compass Academy Summit, August 5–7, where we’ll explore depth psychology, shadow, embodiment, and what real transformation asks of us. Register here: https://www.vanessabennett.com/ica-summitReference Links:Heinz Kohut — Self PsychologyUse for: Kohut’s self psychology, narcissism, mirroring, and development of a cohesive sense of self.Link: https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/nursing-and-health-professions/self-psychologyNote: ScienceDirect overview identifies Kohut as the theorist most associated with self psychology and describes his focus on the development of a cohesive and positive sense of self.Kohut’s Self Psychology Model / NarcissismUse for: Kohut’s view of narcissism, unmet selfobject needs, and narcissism as part of development rather than simple arrogance.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2860525/Note: Useful accessible clinical article describing therapy through Kohut’s self psychology model.SelfobjectUse for: Kohut’s selfobject concept: another person experienced as part of the self’s regulation and cohesion, rather than fully as a separate subject.Link: https://www.encyclopedia.com/psychology/dictionaries-thesauruses-pictures-and-press-releases/self-objectNote: Use for the episode’s explanation of relationships organized around mirroring and self-regulation.Narcissus MythUse for: Narcissus as the mythic image of attachment to reflection/image rather than real mutual relationship.Link: https://www.britannica.com/topic/Narcissus-Greek-mythologyNote: Use as the basic myth reference. The episode’s psychological interpretation is Vanessa’s depth-oriented reading.Otto Kernberg — Pathological Narcissism / Grandiose SelfUse for: Kernberg’s work on pathological narcissism, object relations, and the grandiose self.Link: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2678027/Note: PubMed abstract summarizes Kernberg’s theory and mentions treatment focused on the pathologic grandiose self.Otto Kernberg — Borderline Conditions and Pathological NarcissismUse for: Primary book reference for Kernberg’s work on pathological narcissism.Link: https://www.bloomsbury.com/us/borderline-conditions-and-pathological-narcissism-9780876681770/Note: Book citation for producer if referencing Kernberg’s broader theoretical framework.Grandiose and Vulnerable NarcissismUse for: Distinction between grandiose narcissism and vulnerable / hypersensitive narcissism.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5601176/Note: Research article describing grandiose narcissism as overt superiority/entitlement and vulnerable narcissism as hypersensitivity and introversive self-absorption.Pathological Narcissism and Psychosocial FunctioningUse for: Grandiosity and vulnerability as two core themes of pathological narcissism.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6710132/Note: Useful source for explaining that narcissism can have both grandiose and vulnerable expressions.Narcissistic Vulnerability / Pathological Narcissism InventoryUse for: Narcissistic vulnerability as fragile self-concept, limited self/affect regulation, shame/rage, and sensitivity to perceived threats to self-esteem.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3354008/Note: Supports the episode’s discussion of narcissistic injury, collapse, shame, and fragility.Winnicott — True Self / False SelfUse for: Winnicott’s false self concept, compliance, performance, and protection of the more vulnerable self.Link: https://academic.oup.com/book/1192/chapter-abstract/140028848Note: Oxford Academic page for Winnicott’s “Ego Distortion in Terms of True and False Self.”Parental Overvaluation and Narcissism — Eddie Brummelman et al.Use for: Research showing parental overvaluation predicts child narcissism, while parental warmth predicts healthy self-esteem.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4378434/Note: PNAS article, “Origins of Narcissism in Children.”Parental Overvaluation and Narcissism — PubMedUse for: Quick PubMed reference for the Brummelman study.Link: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25775577/Note: PubMed abstract states narcissism was predicted by parental overvaluation, not lack of parental warmth, while self-esteem was predicted by parental warmth.Narcissistic Personality Disorder — APA DictionaryUse for: Clinical definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and diagnostic features.Link: https://dictionary.apa.org/narcissistic-personality-disorderNote: APA Dictionary includes grandiose self-importance, need for attention/admiration, rage/humiliation/emptiness in response to criticism, entitlement, exploitation, and inability to empathize.Narcissistic Personality Disorder — MSD Manual ProfessionalUse for: DSM-5-TR-oriented overview of NPD as a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration/adulation, and lack of empathy.Link: https://www.msdmanuals.com/professional/psychiatric-disorders/personality-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder-npdNote: Useful accessible clinical reference for the distinction between narcissistic traits and a diagnosable personality disorder.Love Bombing — Empirical StudyUse for: Love bombing as a relationship formation pattern associated with narcissism, insecure attachment, low self-esteem, and excessive communication early in relationships.Link: https://scholarworks.uark.edu/hdfsrsuht/1/Note: Undergraduate honors thesis / empirical study. Use lightly. Love bombing is not a formal clinical diagnosis, but this source provides research support for the term.Love Bombing — Research SummaryUse for: Additional accessible reference for love bombing as connected to narcissistic tendencies and early relationship intensity.Link: https://www.kristenjozkowski.com/publications/18156-love-bombing-a-narcissistic-approach-to-relationship-formationNote: Use as a secondary support source if needed; avoid overstating love bombing as a formally established diagnostic concept.Narcissistic Personality Disorder — Recent Research OverviewUse for: Current overview of NPD, grandiose and vulnerable presentations, diagnosis, and treatment complexity.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10187400/Note: Helpful scholarly overview of recent progress in understanding and treating NPD.If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Friendship gets tested in crisis, and sometimes the hardest grief isn’t just what happened, it’s what gets revealed about who can actually stay with you. In this episode, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT sits down with her friend Lena to talk about friendship through trauma after both of them lost their homes in the LA fires, and what real support looks like when your life falls apart. We unpack the difference between being witnessed and being fixed, why small practical help matters more than perfect words, and how adult friendships change when roles, distance, and capacity shift. If you’ve been grieving friendships, struggling to receive, or trying to rebuild community after a rupture, this conversation is for you.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.